Perfect
by Faryn Queens
Summary: Somewhat AU future fic. Continuation of "Maybe" Their daughter desperately wants to know why they're divorced. The moments leading up to DB. Flashbacks to the important moments in their lives together.
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I'm not quite ready to start this yet. I just wanted to put it out there and see if it got a response. This is something very new for me. I'm not sure how it will be received but I thought i'd give it a go. This fic continues 'Maybe' in a very interesting way through Blair's POV within a novel she's writing. There are three elements to this story that I will specify throughout. 1.) Blair's POV through her own words. 2.) The present 3.) Flashbacks to show those of you who are really interested, what happened to their marriage. It might start to get confusing seeing that this book Blair is writing is something from the future. So we have past, present and future. I hope that makes sense. I know it's a ridiculous concept but I couldn't get it out of my head and I had to do it like this. If you haven't read my fic 'Maybe' it might be a good idea to read that first and figure out what this is all about. The reason I wanted to start a new fic was because the tone of 'Maybe' was kind of light and airy, the whole idea of this fic is not light and airy. It has it's moments, Nicky is still very present and it will still have humour but this is going to lead in a different direction. There will be some...for lack of a better word, _heavy_ things popping up throughout the storyline. Nate will be there to make you laugh and at other times he might make you cry, same goes for all the characters. I really hope I do this idea justice because in my head it feels solid! I just hope it comes across okay and not too confusing. I'm very very attached to this story, it's near and dear to me and I want to continue it. I'm sorry that was so long-winded. As always, I do not own anyone in this fic but Nicky and a few important characters that i've created to move the story along and give it new dimensions. As with everything I post,** ENjOY!**

**XOXOX -FQ**

**PERFECT**

By. Blair C.W. Humphrey

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

_'Dan Humphrey,...is an all emcompassing noun for the word insufferable.'_

_That is the first line in my journal. In the summer of 2011 I brought a brand new moleskin to the Hamptons with me. I planned on writing lovely memoirs about the adventures my best-friend Serena and I would encounter. The men we might meet, the lavish parties we'd attend, random poetry inspired by the breeze off the water. But, no. I did not write about endless luxury and leisure. I wrote about Dan Humphrey pulling me into a swimming pool and ruining my custom designed Balenciaga. If you wonder if it's a coincidence that we share a name, it is not. No, he's not my brother, he's not my cousin. Daniel Jonah Humphrey, is my husband. And he is the person who asked if he could publish my journal. I told him I would never be comfortable with airing out our laundry for the world to see. He promised that he didn't want to exploit us, he just wanted to share what I had written. He thinks it could help people. If I was going to let people read parts of my journal I decided that I would sift through it and save certain things for myself. Certain things I can't even bring myself to discuss anymore, things my daughter doesn't need to know. This novel that you are reading is a compliation of some of my best and worst moments. This is a love story and a coping story. It's dedicated to my daughter for being on every single page since she was conceived, for giving me daily inspiration, and for completing me in a way I never thought possible. _

_'AGGHHHHH, I'm soaked. This is just...PERFECT!'_

**_XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX_**

_To start off, Dan and I have a very unusual story. He was my best-friend's boyfriend for most of our high-school days. Even when they weren't together, they were kind of together. I hated Dan with a burning passion for most of those days. He was pretentious, annoying, mostly tasteless and what's worse... he was always around. We felt that we were total opposites, strung together by our mutual friends. Ultimately it was our alikness that had us detract. Dan and I were magnets of the same charge. Stubborn, level headed, smart, very ambitious. We often competed for the same things which only made us loath each-other more. It wasn't until we attended Yale together that we started to 'like' each-other. When I say, 'like', I use the term loosely. We began to respect one another. For as long as I can remember I have been a very strong headed person, always having to prove my worthiness. With Dan I was relaxed, calm; he brought another side to me. When we finally became official, my parents were shocked, not nearly as shocked as Dan's family and not nearly as shocked as my best-friend Serena; Dan's ex. I can now say for certain, Dan is the absolute love of my life and nothing about our start would be something i'd be willing to take back. I lost one of my oldest, closest relationships for him; I don't regret it in the least. What I lost with Serena would never compare to what I gained with Dan. He became my best-friend, my intellectual equal, my shoulder to lean on, my personal chef, my assistant, my lover; my everything._

**_xoxo_**

_When 'Maybe' is over I plan on continuing this. let me know what you think. Thank you so much for reading. - FQ_


	2. Summer in the City

**AUTHORS NOTE: **OKAY HERE WE ARE!. The titles of the chapters are songs from movies. The soundtrack songs are important to DB and you'll learn why soon. If you haven't read the story before this one you'll probably be very confused. It is heavily layered. There is Blair's POV, there is a continuation of the present day from 'Maybe' and there is also flashbacks from the past. I labelled everything as clearly as I could. I hope it all makes sense. If it doesn't i'm going to have to find a new way to write these chapters than I have planned out. There are about 3-4 chapters that are heavily focused on the beginning of the DB relationship so its like it's own story. That will die down eventually and the flashbacks will be more concise. I'm really just setting this up. I was going to have flashback chapter then present chapter but that's no fun! :P Here we are :) Please ENjOY!

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

_*Falling in love with Dan was like being sucked into a vortex. It was uncontrollable. I had no choice in the matter. Sometimes I think I was tricked. _To start off, Dan and I have a very unusual story. He was my best-friend's boyfriend for most of our high-school days. Even when they weren't together, they were kind of together. I hated Dan with a burning passion for most of those days. He was pretentious, annoying, mostly tasteless and what's worse... he was always around. We felt that we were total opposites, strung together by our mutual friends. Ultimately it was our alikeness that had us detract. Dan and I were magnets of the same charge. Stubborn, level headed, smart, very ambitious. We often competed for the same things which only made us loath each-other more. It wasn't until we attended Yale together that we started to 'like' each-other. When I say, 'like', I use the term loosely. We began to respect one another. For as long as I can remember I have been a very strong headed person, always having to prove my worthiness. With Dan I was relaxed, calm; he brought another side to me. When we finally became official, my parents were shocked, not nearly as shocked as Dan's family and not nearly as shocked as my best-friend Serena; Dan's ex. I can now say for certain, Dan is the absolute love of my life and nothing about our start would be something i'd be willing to take back. I lost one of my oldest, closest relationships for him; I don't regret it in the least. What I lost with Serena would never compare to what I gained with Dan.* -Blair__

**(SUMMER IN THE CITY)**

BY: LOVIN' SPOONFUL

_FROM: 'DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE'_

_There are no movies in the world that Dan and I hate more than the 'Die Hard' movies, however, we have a long running inside joke that they're cinematic masterpieces. For all of eternity we will continue to praise the scattered and over inflated plot-line of these train-wrecks. Dan and I watched _'Die Hard with a Vengeance' with Nate in the summer after Dan got home from his trip to Los Angeles. Neither of us thought it was worth watching again. Mindless car chases and a plot that took far to long to set up was not my ideal film. Why was Jeremy Irons in this? **4 out of 10** because it kept Nate busy while Dan and I made a few trips to the kitchen to get more 'popcorn'.

**_XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX_**

**_FLASHBACK_**

Dan and Blair made frequent trips to the kitchen for more "food" over the course of the night. The movie wasn't interesting to either of them and they were far too snobby to enjoy it as mindless entertainment. They stole smiles, kisses, their fingers entwined but not once did Nate notice. It wasn't like they were purposely hiding it from him but something about not telling him was exciting and fun. "I uh,,..I'm going to make more popcorn," Dan stood casually before heading out of the living-room.

"I have to go to the bathroom..." Blair stood just a few seconds later leaving Nate alone with the movie. "Tell him to leave," Blair's eyes shined as she walked towards Dan.

"You tell him," he rested his hands on her waist and buried his head in the crook of her neck. Blair sighed as he pressed feather light kisses on her delicate skin.

"Let's just tell him together and we can run off to your room..." her eyes rested on the buttons of his shirt as she toyed with his collar. "Nate's a guy, he'll get it"

"I don't have a bed here" he said bluntly.

"So the only soft surface in this entire apartment..." she rolled her eyes.

"...Is under Nate's ass" he smirked.

"I hate that you're moving" she rested her forehead on his chest. "Let's go to the new place! we'll just tell Nate we're getting some more snacks.."

"And never come back?, that's kind of cruel isn't it?"

"It's Nate!" she laughed at Dan's consideration.

"Come on, we can wait a little longer," he took hold of her hands and pressed a chaste kiss on her lips that stuck out hoping for more then he was giving.

"Speak for yourself," she rolled her eyes and followed him back to the living-room.

"What?" Dan gave Nate a look as he sat back down.

"Popcorn?" he questioned.

"right!" Dan popped up.

"Oh look at that, I got wine on my skirt..." Blair sighed.

"Where?"Nate looked over.

"Here," she spilled some quickly to vouch for her lie then rushed off down the hall to meet Dan back in the kitchen.

"Take me on this counter right now," she said walking towards him.

"Excuse me?" his eyes widened.

"C'mon, I'll be quiet" she purred.

"Nate is like twenty feet away," his eyes widened as she came closer, her eyes full of burning desire before she planted a kiss on his tanned neck. "and in case you haven't noticed, this is a swinging door" he turned on the microwave and kissed back when her lips pressed firmly on his.

"Why didn't we grab the boxes and head straight for the new place?" Blair asked.

"Because we got caught up in the moment" he smiled.

"We need to stop getting caught up in moments! we could have been there right now...an apartment with a bed, a bed with brand new sheets, a fireplace! ugh..." she huffed and threw her head back remembering they were still in New Haven and Dan's new apartment was currently furnished just waiting for him to officially move in today. Dan purposely told Nate the wrong move in day so he could settle in and "break in" the place with Blair before hand. Blair starred at Dan as he picked up the bowl of fresh buttery popcorn.

"We are not having sex in this kitchen Blair," he responded to her expression.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

_*From those who know me personally they might describe me as controlling, abrasive, obsessive and very opinionated. I'll gladly take these as compliments because all are better than the descriptive words i've heard used behind my back. Evil, wicked, psycho and the one word used more than any other,...bitch. I couldn't have been that bad, I did get the sweetest man on the planet to fall in love with me. Even if he did start out calling me awful things the nickname bitch and the description of girly evil had turned into much more endearing terms. Dan is so many things but mostly he's forgiving, compassionate, loving and kind. He's the only person that i'd ever let myself be vulnerable around. He always knew who I was deep down and never believed my facade. My controlling nature would kick in and Dan would have to reign me in occasionally. It hurt him to see the girl's in the office being afraid of me and he knew that i'd put up my defences. When I knew someone didn't like me, i'd make it my mission for them to despise me. I guess it was my way of coping with the insecurity. If you think i'm a bitch, then you can stay late tonight. In my heart I know Dan is the reason my daughter is so lovely. I'm thankful she has so many of his personality traits. * -Blair_

Grace, an assistant Blair barely knows, walked up to her desk and placed a steamy, paper cup of tea beside her phone. She immediately noticed that the tea bag was still in and it wasn't double cupped like she had requested. Lately Blair hasn't been in any mood to argue with people about little things. Roch added a few papers to her inbox with a worrisome smile as she discarded the tea bag in the trash can.

_*I didn't know Roch very well. She's worked with me for over three years and I still don't know the names of her young children. Actually, I don't know the names of any children of the men and women I work with. Everyone knows Nicky though, she's somewhat of celebrity in my office. I can't go to work one day without someone asking how she is and what she's up to. I'd get questions when she was just little about who she favoured. 'Is she a mommy's girl or a daddy's girl?' I could never say for certain, but it irked me that it was even possible for her to love one of us more than the other.*_

"You're okay right?" Jo hung over Blair's desk. "People downstairs are saying you're not yourself. They're waiting for you to snap"

"I'm fine,"

"Blair, you're about to be very happy!" Liv set a box of macarons her desk. "You haven't been sent these in like a year!"

"No thank you," Blair stood wanting nothing to do with the box that brought back so many memories. Usually they came with a note, the very last box of macarons came with a card that very simply said, '_I'm so sorry'_

"Send em this way!" Nina raised her hand from her desk. Once the box was on Nina's desk she opened them and frowned. "Eww,...who sent these? Vanilla and coffee? Oh no,..no. Dan obviously didn't send these..." she trailed off looking at her friend who took a deep breath and smiled the best she could.

"Did everyone fill out the questionnaires?" she asked the office changing the subject as everyone starred at her. "I need them by the end of the day. You also need to remember to bring your wedding dresses for the 'Diaries of a white dress' special." Everyone still looked up at Blair uncomfortably.

"They're macarons people!" she gestured at the box Nina was still starring at with revulsion. "are you waiting for me to cry? Seriously what is going on?..._Go back to work_" she rolled her eyes with complete distaste for the sympathy on everyone's faces. Blair touched the phone lightly before she did a once over around the room seeing whispers and sneers of her employees. Over the low hum she heard someone saying they were worried about Dan. Blair grabbed her look-book and walked out of the office at a quick pace. Nina slipped out of her seat carefully and followed Blair down the hall.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine!. I just want out of here. I need out of this office!"

"Well," Nina gulped. "You have your interview tomorrow," she reminded her.

"Right," she took a satisfying breath.

**XOXOXOXOXO**

Dan held the door open for Nicky when his phone started to buzz, "Go pick us a table. I'm just going to take this call" he watched as she skipped over to a booth. "Dan Humphrey," he answered shutting the glass door of the coffee shop.

"You ready? Two days buddy!" Jerry sounded thrilled.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm ready" he nodded.

"Okay so Monday afternoon, two o'clock. Don't be late"

"I won't be. I promise" he laughed assuring the guy that he would not be late to his first book signing in nearly two years.

Dan and Nicky sat opposite in a booth. Dan sipped on his mug of coffee with a smile as Nicky entertained him with her usual spunk. "it's not like I ever considered it before but I think I might be good at it," she licked whip cream from her hot chocolate, off her bottom lip.

"at acting?" his face scrunched.

"Haven't you been listening?"

"yes. Just never thought you'd be interested in that"

"Oh but I am! I think I might be made for the theatre" her eyes blinked. Dan was always enamoured with how engaging she was. Often he wondered if she had this effect on other people or if he was just fascinated since he raised her from birth into this little lady before him.

"Oh really?" he chuckled as she adjusted her purple headband.

"Don't you think so?" her brown eyes widened.

"Sure" he nodded. "Maybe we can get you into some children's theatre or if you want we could try and get you a SAG card"

"Children's theatre? Dad, I want to be the next Meryl Streep!"

"Oh, I see. Well you have to start somewhere"

"Not true!, mom never had to"

"your mom is an acception to every rule," Dan smiled into his mug. "hey, when's her interview for Vanity Fair ?"

"Tomorrow"

"wish her luck for me. I know she's always wanted to work there"

"She has?" Nicky questioned. "I thought she always wanted to work at Cosmo" she looked confused.

"nooo..." Dan chuckled. "Cosmo was _not_ her first option. She always wanted to work for Vanity Fair"

"Didn't she have an interview there before? I think I remember aunt Nina saying something"

"Yeah, she did" he nodded remembering.

"Why didn't she dazzle the interviewer?"

"Uhm,..." he scratched the back of his head. "She didn't make it to the interview"

"she lost her chance?" Her eyes widened. "I always thought she would do anything to get what she wants"

"you think it's so simple don't you? Life gets in the way sometimes Nic. Gotta roll with the punches"

"so she settled with Cosmo?"

"umm. I wouldn't say she settled. She just had other things going on and vanity fair just slipped from her grasp when she had her focus elsewhere"

Just then, a server placed a cupcake in front of Dan with a little birthday candle burning in the middle. "heyyy" he smiled.

"thank-you!" Nicky yelled at the server who flashed her a smile and went back to the kitchen.

"What's this for?" he asked looking up at Nicky's smarmy face rested in her hands.

"for your book" she smiled brightly, staring down at the perfect little cake with it's bright burning candle. "I'm proud of you for writing again. I paid for it with my own money and everything" she was proud of her little gesture while he was busy chatting to Jerry outside.

"Well, Thank-you," he smiled showing his appreciation. "Let's split this thing" he blew out the candle and cut it down the middle.

"Hey nic, do you know the cupcake story?" he asked before stuffing a large portion into his mouth.

"no, I don't think so" she licked the side and tasted the excess frosting. 'What cupcake story?"

"I gave your mom a gender reveal cupcake"

"What on earth is that?"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

It was a hot August day when Dan entered Blair's office with cute little box tied with a big white bow. "What's this?" she sat up straight in her office chair; her throne as her employees so thoughtfully referred to it?

"Right here,..." Dan handed her the box and Blair made short work of the bow; never known for her patience. She smiled like he read her mind when she saw the beautifully constructed cupcake with perfect white frosting. "Right here,...I have the answer to your question"

"The answer to my,.." Dan's eyebrows raised and she knew what he meant.

"Don't tell me" he smirked.

"I won't" her eyes locked on to his as she nodded.

"I mean it. I don't want to know" he was serious.

"My lips are sealed," she smirked and turned side to side in her chair. Dan left the office with a wave to his old coworkers.

Blair stared at the cupcake for a long time. She'd focus her attention on work for a moment but it was always on her mind. She considered throwing it out once or twice. If she just got up and threw it into the trash can she'd never know, her chance would be gone and she'd have to wait until early November. Perched up on the top of her inbox files she was too tempted to taste it. The white icing was perfect, piled high it looked absolutely delicious. For a moment she considered eating it with her eyes closed. Although, eating with her eyes closed was too unpredictable she'd probably find a crumb on her blouse later. After debating for another few minutes she looked around her office and took a deep breath. Eyes closed tight, she took a large bite. The cake was moist and the the flavour was a rich, French vanilla. Still with her eyes closed she enjoyed the last few seconds of not knowing. As soon as her eyes opened she couldn't go back; she'd know. Boy or Girl. Blair wasn't really wasn't leaning one way or the other. She didn't have a gut instinct or a good guess but sitting in her hand was the answer "_Open your eyes Blair._.." she talked herself into it. As soon as her eyes opened they closed again. Was that real? Did she just see that? "AHH!..." pink, the cake was pink. A flutter of happy tears tickled at her eyes, she looked up to see everyone in the office looking at her.

"You okay?" one of them asked concerned.

"Yeah,...I'm okay...," she she let the air out of her lungs and she relaxed even further into her chair until she was somewhat lounging "..._i'm perfect_" she stuffed the rest of the cupcake in her mouth and smiled that she had a secret; a big one.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"were u surprised I was a girl?" Nicky asked Dan.

"I was surprised you existed at all" he stared at her thoughtfully for a moment.

"That's a strange thing to say," she laughed.

"Ah, well,.." he tapped on his mug. "I guess I was just surprised how much i'd..."

"Fancy seeing you here!" Dan looked up to see Serena trailing behind her daughter. "what's going on? Your birthday's in May..." she looked at the candle lying on the plate.

"umm, April actually," he nodded a little feeling uncomfortable.

"Kidding!" her eyes widened. "I know your birthday Humphrey!. April 29th?"

"26th" Nicky laughed at Serena's good guess."we're celebrating his book release!" Nicky explained.

"Oh, can we join you?" she asked flinging her blonde hair over her shoulder and making an amused sound. Dan's mouth was full of cupcake so he couldn't object as Nicky allowed them to sit.

"I have to admit. I read the sample this morning and I have a feeling I know how it ends" she flashed a smile.

"oh.." Dan swallowed.

"I just updated and updated waiting to see that Humphrey name show up in new releases. Goes on shelves in two days right?"

"yeah Monday," Dan nodded wiping his hand on a napkin.

"we'll have to have a dinner celebration. What do u think Nicky?" she nudged her.

"Umm,..." she chewed and noticed her dad's discomfort.

"We should go to butter!" Serena's eyes widened.

"no no no, this cupcake was all I needed" he grinned at Nicky. "How are you?" Dan asked Izzie who seemed very quiet.

"Good," she smiled softly before resting her eyes on the table. Dan and Serena fell quiet as Izzie and Nicky discussed her upcoming tea party. Dan smiled as Izzie looked shocked at how much care and attention went into Blair's tea parties. Traditionally her tea parties were thrown as 'women only' events. Often when she planned them, Dan would be pushed into his office for the day with a quick kiss and the expectation that he'd write something decent in the time he was locked up. Bringing him food from the party whenever she could slip away, she'd ask him how he was progressing and kiss him again before heading back to her lavish tea party.

"That sounds like some tea party!" Serena commented.

"Oh they're quite the event," Dan nodded.

"That's why you have to come next week!" Nicky insisted. "My mom is bringing in a photographer this time because she's doing a special on party planning"

"She never stops does she?" Serena asked Dan quietly.

"Blair? no" he laughed.

"Izzie, you do you want a cupcake sweetie?" Serena saw her eying Nicky's.

"Oh I can share" Nicky pushed her plate over.

"No, no, I have some cash on me" Serena riffled through her bag and wallet. "Maybe, I don't..."

"It's okay I got it," Dan reached into his back pocket.

"No, Dan,..I have credit" she shrugged still searching through her big slouchy bag.

"Ah, don't worry about it," Dan handed Izzie some cash and told her to get the biggest most delicious one.

"Thank-you," Serena said for her daughter who smiled at him and took off for the counter.

"No problem" he went back to his coffee as Nicky clicked on her blackberry.

"Whoa, that's a fancy phone" Serena commented with her chin resting in her hand.

"Already wants an upgrade..." Dan sighed.

"Daddy!," she giggled as her eyes met with his. "I said for my birthday _maybe._.."

"Yeah that's a big maybe..." he rolled his eyes playfully.

"What's wrong with this one?" Serena asked.

"She wants an iphone..." Dan said in a teasing way.

"Well, you have one!"

"I can have whatever phone i want. I pay my own phone bill" he laughed.

"Izzie doesn't even have a cellphone. I think you should be grateful for what you have" she looked at Dan as if she was helping him.

"I am..." Nicky said, her eyes finding a place of interest on the tablecloth, in this moment Dan saw a perfect flash of Blair in her.

"What do you need a phone for anyway?" Serena smiled at her. Nicky didn't really feel like answering her but she took a deep breath and replied.

"..._So i can talk to my dad whenever I need him_" she said quietly and Serena knew she should pry anymore by the tone in Nicky's voice.

Izzie came back with her cupcake which was double the size of the one Nicky bought Dan. "Want to share it?" she asked Dan who shook his head with a smile.

"No thank-you, you tackle that monster, I'm full" he touched his stomach. Nicky stared at Izzie before looking at her dad.

"Daddy, If we don't leave now we're going to be late for our movie"

"Right," he took a quick look at his watch before getting up. "Nice seeing you again," he drank the last sip of his coffee and put the mug down as Nicky slid out of the booth.

"See you at school Iz," Nicky waved.

"Mom can we go to the movies with them?" Izzie asked. Dan hoped Serena would decline but instead she shrugged then looked at Dan for a response. Sometimes he hated being such a nice guy. What was he supposed to say?

"Uh..." he smiled squeezing Nicky's hand tightly.

"You're Welcome to join us,... just know it's a french film with subtitles" Nicky explained. "My uncle Nate always wants to come with us until he learns that" she giggled. Dan and Blair had been bringing Nicky to Film forum since before she could read. He always found it funny that both his wife and daughter could listen to the film rather than read the subtitles like he had to. Their daughter had such a grasp of the French language at four years of age, she and Blair would discuss the film in a Pairisian tongue while Dan cursed himself for taking Italian when he was in high-school. On the way home Dan would ask Nicky questions in English and Blair would get her to answer in French.

"Your Uncle Nate?" Serena smiled.

"You knew we're still friends with Nate..." Dan explained.

"Yeah I assumed I just didn't..." she gestured at Nicky.

"He's my godfather" Nicky answered.

"Who's,..." she swallowed "your godmother?"

"My aunt Nina" she smiled.

"Oh I see," Serena nodded. "Umm, well we're going to decline but maybe we'll get together for a movie some other time?"

**XOXOX-FLASHBACK-XOXOXO**

"God, I thought he'd never leave" Blair moaned as Dan pulled her on top of him. The second Nate walked out of the apartment Blair ripped Dan's shirt off to his utter shock.

"Why don't we go to the new apartment. It's kind of empty here..." Dan said looking around, his hands holding firmly to her thighs.

"We have everything we need," Blair was happy with the couch. Hell, at this point she would take him on the floor, she'd take him on the bathroom counter. She didn't care what surface they were on, she just wanted him.

"We've waited so long now, what's another..."

"Humphrey, shut up..." she kissed him to stop his rambling.

"I wanted this to be special," he looked up at her as she stroked the sides of his face.

"It will be" she kissed him on the nose. "We're going to make a memory here...and then tomorrow we can make a memory there"

"I like how you think Waldorf. Although, how can we be so sure that we'll want to do this again?"

"You gotta be joking," she giggled lightly. "I wanna do it again already.." she kissed his shoulder.

"I've been thinking..." she reached for the sharpie in her purse, at the foot of the couch.

"Oh no,.." he laughed as she revealed the black, thin tip marker she had in her hand. Dan was at her mercy as she had him pinned down between her thighs. "I'm telling you. You should just get my initials tattooed on you. It would be so much easier than me writing them everyday, only for you to scrub it right off"

"Oh so I should tattoo myself? That's your solution?"

"Just saying, it would be much easier..." she lowered herself and pressed a kiss on his neck.

"Easier than you giving up on the whole marker thing?" he asked taking a firm hold of her wrist.

"I'm never going to give up on it. Unless you tattoo yourself..." she giggled. "Then I'll think about it"

"Who are you? Certainly Blair Waldorf would not come up with this ridiculous idea" he closed his eyes and felt her lips graze over his jaw.

"Please" her voice was soft and sultry. Blair kissed his collar bone and left a wet trail with her tongue down to his chest. She popped the lid off the marker with her teeth and began to write. Dan watched as she scripted the most beautiful _**B**_ and _**W**_ he had ever seen directly over his heart. The line weight went from thick to thin in a gorgeous cursive font he'd never known her to write in before.

"You should probably have it there permanently" she kissed his neck and whispered in his ear. "What are you afraid of..._the pain_" she bit his ear gently.

"What are you afraid of? That I'll wander off the farm and end up in someone else's?" Dan joked about her cattle branding him. "If I'm tattooing your initials on me, then I want my initials on you!" he moved so he was laying on top of her. "Right here," he unbuttoned the first two buttons of her shorts and exposed her hip.

"No way" she rolled her eyes as he rubbed the spot with his thumb. "I own you, you don't own me. Plus, I change my mind anyway,..." She moved from under him so she was i control again. "I'd hate for people to get the wrong impression and think we're 'together'...this friendship of ours is obviously going nowhere"

"Obviously," Dan nodded as she rested her chin on his chest. "But it's too late now, you talked me into it. I'll tell people it stands for 'Bruce Willis' " he teased while taking hold of her arms and moving her closer to him.

"Bruce Wilis!" she laughed heartily.

"Uh yeah! he's in my favourite movie series!" he said sarcastically with an eyeroll.

"Die Hard!...Omigod Dan!" she realized something suddenly. "I'll get DH tattooed on me for my favourite movie series!"

"Oh that's funny!" he laughed out loud.

"It is funny!" she agreed.

"Or you know I could just say BW stands for the 'biggest..." he held her hands as she tried to punch him.

"Don't finish that,..." she warned.

"Biggest...,"

Her face was stern, he knew she was going to smack him."Okay how bout,...the most beautiful girl i've ever met?" he looked scared of her.

"Don't say things that aren't true," she got up and buttoned up her shorts.

"Blair..."

"I'm going to go..."

"You can't run away when I compliment you"

"I'm not running"

"Blair..." he grabbed her hands and looked sincerely into her eyes. "I'm serious. I think you're...striking. I think you're stunning, you know that"

"I don't want to be compared to anyone"

"I'm not comparing you to anyone." he shook his head and stoked her hands. "I think you're gorgeous"

"You didn't always think that"

"I did," Dan nodded. "I may have thought you were a bitch but I always thought you were unbelievably beautiful" he kissed her hand. "Of course telling you that would never be appropriate. When was I going to slip that in?" he questioned. "...hey Blair, you're a bitch but I think..._you're hot,...?_" he smiled. Blair giggled. "I hated that you were pretty so much..."

"Why?"

"Because if you were ugly i'd have better insults. You're very blessed in the looks department"

"Personality has a considerable effect on how we perceive beauty" she played with his hands.

"Exactly," Dan pulled her in. "and now that I can finally see your true personality I think you're unparalleled" his hand went up to her face as he studied the deep bow in her lips before pressing his lips against them.

"Unparalleled?" she asked, her eyes dreamy and hoping he'd go on.

"_Beyond compare_," Dan whispered kissing her neck. Blair loved the way he looked at her. He truly made her feel like she was the first and only woman to ever come into his life, but she knew this wasn't true. "_Unrivalled,_" he continued to kiss up her jaw until his lips found themselves underneath Blair's that crushed on to his with unnecessary force. Dan always wanted to take it slow Blair always wanted to feel passion and heat.

"Whoa Mr. Thesaurus..." Blair laughed.

"Hey,... I can go all day long"

"Try..._sexy_" she sucked in a breath

"Okay..." Dan thought for a moment with his lips still pressed against her shoulder.

"Desirable" he worked up her neck.

"Mmm"

"Hot"

"Yeah?"

"Sultry?"

"Mhmm" she nodded.

"Arousing?"

"Yeah..."

"Sensual?"

"Ok" she gave it to him.

"I'm running out of words here,...what aboutt..._Blair?" _he spoke into her ear.

"...take these off" she ran her hand along his stomach and rested on his belt. Dan smirked and began to tug on the black leather. "Wait!, lock the door"

"Good thinking!," he walked over and turned the lock. They did not want to be disrupted again.

"Where were we?" Dan climbed on top of Blair. Her leg hooked around his waist. Blair made an uncomfortable moan when she realized Nate left sharp chip crumbs all over the couch. She sat up and swept them on to the floor.

"He's such a pig," she groaned standing up. "Do you have a vacuum here?" she asked Dan who shook his head no and lifted her up off the ground. "I guess this works too," she laughed as she wrapped herself around him, then tugged at her bra straps so they fell down. Suddenly creak of the floor made Blair's heart slow down, the opening of the front door by keys had Dan's sink deep into his chest.

When the door opened a tall blonde walked in. Dan let go of Blair on instinct making her feel like some kind of place holder until something better showed up. Of course she hated to think Serena just saw them in a compromising position but when he let go of her, she felt immense betrayal. Dan just picked her up, she was wrapped around his body and now he was back on the ground, like a discarded piece of trash. Dan put his shirt on so fast Blair was positive she missed it in the time it took her to blink.

"What are you doing here?" Dan's eyes were wide; his hands forced into his pockets as casually as possible.

"What are _you_ doing here,..._with Blair?_" Serena's eyes had always been a mellow blue but right now they were something harsh and fiery. The soft hue had seemed to take on a darker overtone from the tears that were welling up.

"We're going to have to talk," Dan said calmly. Blair stood behind him, her face uncomfortable and embarrassed.

"Talk!" Serena wanted an explanation as Blair buttoned her shirt back up. It was so immature and high-school for her to be caught like this. "Well,..." Dan rubbed his chin. "Blair uh..." he thought for a minute on how he wanted to word this.

"Spit it out!" Serena demanded.

"We're..." he cringed by her shout and looked over at Blair who didn't know how to react. Feeling like a teenage girl who was just caught by her boyfriend's parents she stared at the floor in shame.

"Dan, can I talk to Blair alone?" she took a deep calming breath. Dan looked over at Blair to see what she wanted. Blair nodded and followed Serena out to the living-room.

"You stay!" Serena yelled at Dan who began to trail behind Blair. Dan obeyed like a well-behaved labrador.

"What _is_ going on?" her mouth barely moved as the low tone of her voice moved through her lips.

"Don't talk around it, you know obviously" Blair couldn't believe she was acting as though she had just caught Dan cheating.

"So this is some big secret you're keeping from me?" she scoffed a little.

"No,"

"Then what is it?" Serena's hands found themselves on her hips. The blonde towered over Blair making her feel like a scolded child.

"It's not a secret, it's just..." she gulped. "..._new_"

"You're passing this off as something legitimate?"

"..."

"You're just sleeping together? what is this?" she held her hand out towards the door.

"No, we've never..."

"What? You just..._make-out?_" Serena nearly laughed.

"Yes,..."

"I'm not going to believe that for a second"

"S,..."

"So what was I just walking in on? If I had come in five minutes later what would I have seen?"

"I...hsth..." she shrugged not knowing what to say.

"What? don't shrug. I can't believe this..." Serena interrupted her friend. "You were wrapped around him and you're telling me that I would have seen nothing?" her arms crossed.

"I don't understand what you're so angry about. You're acting as if you're still dating him," Serena took a moment and she seemed to calm down. Her face was less stern and her shoulders relaxed. "That's it isn't it? You were coming back for him?" Blair could feel her throat become sore.

"Yeah and?" Serena's eyes bounced around Blair. "I know now that I should have never left" her lips barely moved but the words managed to slip through them as always.

"_Surprise surprise,_" Blair pressed her lips together wondering where to go from here.

"God Blair,..." Serena rubbed her forehead. A silence grew between them and Serena took a deep steadying breath. "Listen,...I don't want this to ruin our friendship" Her composure was better now and Blair was almost surprised. Could she actually be okay with this?

"Neither do I" Blair stepped forward and embraced Serena tightly until they were smiling again.

"So,...just...just break up with him. Or break off whatever this is..." Serena nodded as though it was a simple solution catching Blair off guard. Blair was almost certain she stopped breathing in this moment. Serena's coquettish laugh emerged but this time it was not infectious.

"..._What_?" Blair's voice was small as she pulled from Serena's hug. Tilting her head slightly to the side she questioned if Serena was serious. "_What do you mean?_" she was now conscious of her breathing.

"After you stop seeing him we can put this all behind us" Serena bit her lip with hope. "It'll be like old times. We'll just forget all about Dan and move on. Both of us, let's strengthen our relationship not tear it down over _some_ guy" she said_ some guy _like Dan was a layover with no significance.

"_Some guy?_,..." Blair swallowed. "Serena,..." Blair's eyes flickered to try and keep her composure. "I,..," her attempt failed and a hurdle of tears raced to her vision. "I,..._I love him_" It was a confession to herself. It was true, she did. Even if he didn't feel the same way she loved him and she couldn't hide it now.

Serena inhaled harshly not ever expecting to hear those words escape her best-friend's lips "..._oh yeah_?" she nodded, her eyes blinking wildly as she rejected Blair's words. "I'd like to tell you how horrible of a friend you are but I think you already know" she wiped her eyes.

"Serena,... just listen to me" Blair reached out to the blonde.

"I've heard enough, and I've seen enough and,..." she wiped her eyes. "God, this feels like a bad dream" she stared at the ceiling.

"You broke up with him..." Blair's voice was small. "_You just took off_..." Blair was now holding her own elbows.

"Why don't you get that it has nothing to do with whether or not I broke up with him? I don't want to watch you with him! Why do you always have to chase what was always mine?" her eyes were full of tears wondering if Blair was really going to choose Dan over their friendship. "Everything, you have to chase everything..."

"_Stop..._" Blair shook her head in a whisper. "_you need to just stop,_" she could feel the articulate evil sentences compiling in her head like jenga.

"You've always been like this Blair! you just refuse to see it"

"Been like what?" she inhaled deeply.

"Nate liked me first!. He paid all his attention to me! and what did you do? you told me that you liked him and that he was off limits. So I stayed away from..."

"_Stayed away!"_ It was a scream, a desperate and shrill scream. "are you serious right now?" her jaw tightened so much it was painful. "Don't you dare!" Blair's eyes looked at Serena with pure hatred. "You took him!" she felt her whole body shake. "YOU TOOK HIM!" she yelled. "You're supposed to be my friend Serena!" she remembering how painful it felt to see her best-friend and boyfriend betray her. The two people she trusted most in the world. Obviously she had forgiven them for it, the whole ordeal was in the past but she'd never forget what happened or how she felt about it. And right now, in this moment Blair was sick to her stomach knowing Serena was judging her on the same level, she didn't deserve this. Dan was not Serena's boyfriend, she didn't have any claim on him and this was not the same situation.

"Are you still not over that?" Serena rolled her eyes. The anger ignited further in Blair but she kept calm. "HAVE NATE IF YOU WANT HIM!"

" I DON'T WANT NATE SERENA!" she cried.

"No of course,...you only want something that I have"

"You're unbelievable. Yes, it was a long time ago but thinking back it makes me so upset to know that you would do something like that" her jaw clenched.

"I promised you that it was a drunken mistake, we moved past it!...why would you bring this up now?" she seethed.

"Because you're making me feel like a terrible person Serena!. I'm sorry but you have no leg to stand on right now,..." She turned to go back into the apartment.

"So what? This is my payback for something I did years ago? You're going to take Dan now?..." Blair turned quickly to see Serena's arms out wide.

"Serena..." she warned her. "It's not like that at all..."

"You never grew up," she sighed. Blair just stood and listened to her friend."At Constance you always wanted to be me, you must have been so happy when I moved away so you could reign for once." Every word felt like a slap in Blair's face, the sting wouldn't seize. "You wanted my attention, you wanted life...and now you want Dan,..._shocker_" she shook her head back and fourth furiously.

"I don't want him, _I have him_" Blair said confidently standing her ground.

"No you don't,...you're just second best to me, and you only want him because you need to tell yourself that you're not my shadow. I bet it makes you feel really good that you got the one thing that loved me unconditionally. I bet it gives you a real ego boost" Serena said clearly as she gathered her jacket and purse. "You think if he had the option between the two of us that he'd pick you? Please...you're a shoulder to lean on, nothing more. Did you see how fast he let go when he saw me? Think that's a coincidence?" she snorted throwing her bag over her shoulder.

Blair's eyes were black and shiny like onyx, she wondered if that was true. If all their late night talks were merely a way of coping for Dan. If they just fell into a rhythm because they missed Serena."I...I..." She stuttered, "I..don't want our friendship to end because of a guy" Blair said reiterating what they had previously discussed. Her eyes were glossy and her cheeks were flushed.

"Then stop seeing him Blair!" Serena practically pleading. "Why is this so hard? you once told me Dan was like a tissue, use once and throw away. Throw him away!" she pleaded with her best-friend. Blair was frozen, she swallowed and stared at Serena with dark glossy eyes. "I can't be friends with you,..._if you do this to me_" she caught a tear. Blair stood frozen like a marble statue. Serena waited a few beats anticipating Blair's reaction.

"That's what I thought,...Goodbye Blair!" Serena turned in her Louboutins.

"Blair?" Dan came out of hiding and approached her slowly.

"I knew this would happen,..._I knew it_" she wept. His hand hit the small of her back and she turned into him to be comforted.

"Where's Serena?" he asked rubbing her back lightly.

"...What?" she pulled away and caught his eyes with her own.

"Where did she go?" he was still looking out.

"..._She left_" Blair studied Dan's face carefully, her eyes traced over his expression.

"Oh,..." she saw a flash of disappointment wash over him.

"Umm,..." she swallowed starting to have trouble breathing. "_I have to get a cab_" she pulled a compact out of her purse and dabbed her cheeks. Blair had seen that look on Dan's face before, he knew Serena came back for him.

"To go where? Did Serena even tell you where she was staying?"

"No, I have to go home" she touched her nose with the pad before closing it with a snap and putting it back in her purse.

"Home?"

"Yeah, home" she nodded. "I'm going to pack my things and leave" she let out the daintiest of sniffles. "I have to get out of here" her eyes were swimming the words stung.

Dan shook his head but no words could form. "yeah?" he didn't fight for her to stay.

"It wasn't going anywhere right?" A soft giggle escaped, and a salty tear rolled over the bow of her lips. "I mean why would it...I can't even hug you because your sweaters give me hives..." she kept herself turned away from him now. Her hair strategically placed in her line of vision while she gathered herself and made sure her shirt was on straight, all the while her bottom lip shivered and her voice shook with each painful word.

"I don't know..." A sharp and painful cry came from Blair and she wiped the corners of her eyes. "Blair?, don't cry" she turned around, her eyes swimming. "Let's go shopping" he smiled hopefully. "I'll buy the best cashmere...nothing that would ever give you hives" another careful giggle came from Blair who was starting to use laughter to hide her sobs.

"_Humphrey,..._" Blair shook her head slowly. "..._you can't afford it_" she wiped her eyes before heading towards her cab.

_**I won't see him again, our friendship means too much to me -B **_She closed her eyes and cried silent tears after watching her phone send the message.

It wasn't much more than a minute later when Serena texted her back.

_**B, I love you -S**_

A slight relief washed over Blair but she couldn't stop crying. Thankfully she didn't lose everything. She might have lost Dan but at least she and Serena could continue their friendship. Even though it was rocky at times she knew it had the strength to remain intact for years. They just had too much history. Blair finally got back into the city, she cried the whole way. She tried to stop but she couldn't. It had only been a few months but Blair knew in her heart she loved him. It was going to be a rough few weeks back in the city without him. She had no reason to help him pack, or help him decorate his new apartment. She was looking forward to rearranging his furniture and dictating what colours he should paint the walls. She now, had no plans for the next two weeks.

As Blair rushed out of her cab and towards her building she just wanted a bubble bath. She wanted to take a time out and reevaluate what had just happened when her cellphone buzzed. A large part of her hoped it was Dan, sadly it wasn't; it was Serena.

_**B, Dan just showed up here. I guess I was right - S**_

Blair felt nauseous. The bile rose in her throat and she knew she could be sick at any moment. Her bottom lip shook wildly as her nostrils flared with each heavy sob that shook her entire body. She had never felt like this before.

Tears dribbled on to the screen of her blackberry before she realized she was still looking at the message. Anger took over her sadness for a moment and she flung it to the wall of the building with a loud cracking sound. The anger soon faded when she realized she broke it. The tears spilled on to her flawless cheeks and ran down her neck. Picking up her phone she tried to turn it on. It wouldn't turn on, it was wrecked. When she walked into the apartment she knew Cyrus and her mother would be justifiably concerned with how distraught she was. Slowly and quietly she walked up the stairs so noone would know she returned home. If she could get into her room, she'd have time to wash her face and remove the mascara runs without anyone knowing. After a bubble bath and some time to think, she put on some of her best Le Perlas, curled her hair and began applying her makeup. The busted phone sitting on her bed was something that could bring on tears just by looking at it. She hid it under her pillow and finished her her final touch up, her lips. One last check in the mirror from behind she grabbed her purse and made her way down the stairs.

"_Blair?_,...I didn't know you were home" Cyrus was standing at the bottom step. "You look lovely!" he commented with a large smile in his familiar voice.

"Thank-you," she said carefully hoping he couldn't tell she was high strung and worked up. Any second she could burst into tears if provoked.

"Where are you headed in such a rush?" he asked. Blair ignored him and ran out the door knowing if she stayed any longer she probably would have spilled everything and looked like a fool. She had only been friends with Dan for a couple months, she had only been in love with him for a couple weeks. She knew she could get over this. This too shall pass...

"Was that Blair?" Eleanor entered the foyer and pulled down her reading glasses .

"It was" Cyrus said.

"I didn't know she was home. I told Dan she wasn't here about five minutes ago...I feel terrible" she picked up the piece of paper by the phone that had the words, **_Blair, call Dan when you get a chance -Mom._**

"I'm sure that's where she's headed" Cyrus assured her. "Kids and their cellphones..." Eleanor nodded and crumpled up the piece of paper in her hand. "Also she looked beautiful, where else would she be going if she's not off to see Dan?" he smirked.

"You know, I'm still very curious about that relationship." she tapped the arm of her glasses on her bottom teeth.

"Blair's a smart girl" he reminded her.

"And Daniel is a _nice boy_,..." her voice lowered. "this is why I worry she has further intentions with him. He was Serena's boyfriend first if you recall"

"They just friends" Dorota chimed in as she passed by her employers on her way out for the night.

"You missed the public display of affection that Cyrus and I witnessed at graduation Dorota." Dorota's eyes widened with shock. "I just hope she's not up to one of her old tricks"

"Miss Blair and Mister Dan,...They kiss?" Dorota asked, her eyes grew wider.

"Did they ever!" Cyrus laughed, Eleanor grimaced.

When Blair reached her destination she rang the doorbell and took a big satisfying breath. She felt as though she was getting control back in her life.

"Blair..." he was shocked to see her standing there.

"Hi Chuck" she smiled.

"Come in,"

**XOXOXOXOX**

**WHOA!...Think it's confusing? I know i'm all over the place but I hope I labelled the flashbacks and the present clearly enough. Again, I have intros from Blair's POV, I have the present with Nicky, and I've thrown in little flashbacks that help tell my story when they come up, example; the cupcake bit. I know it's heavily layered but I can't write it any other way. This is how it comes into my head so this is how it translates on to the screen. So please review and tell me what you think. When I know people are reading it, it makes me much more inclined to keep writing it. I have some big plans for this. All those secrets about Dan and Blair's marriage, secrets about Nicky..they're all coming. Thanks soooo much for reading! I know it wasn't the greatest but I need to set these things up for what I think is going to be more fun later on. tah-tah for now -FQ**


	3. Playground Love

(Thanks for all the support. I had a hard time deciding if I wanted to keep writing this. It's actually really complicated to write but I decided to give it another go and see if I can keep it up. This is chapter is where the M rating comes in. I hope you like it. I know I have a lot of secrets that i'm not giving out easily but i'm dropping hints every chapter and it's not easy to write. It's building and bubbling to the surface and I promise I will address both their marriage and the issue of Nicky's paternity. PM me if you can't stand the hints i'm dropping and want something more concrete. I don't mind dropping bigger bombs at people's request. Special thanks to Sara who helps me keep on, keeping on and to IvoryKeys for doing some editing! thanks a bunch ladies! Sorry for the delay. Please **ENjOY!**)

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

couldn't remember a time when I didn't love sex. It was on my "favourite things" list, right there beside pistachio macaroons and European vacations. It was wedged between Harry Winston and peonies. Everyday I spent with Dan and had yet to do the deed, I became more and more curious what it might be like. I found myself staring at him, wondering how he performed. I was curious about what he liked and what he might say in the throes of passion. I had only ever heard comments from Serena about Dan's bedroom habits. I remember every time Serena explained it with such unbelievable satisfaction. Serena always did that though; she always gave more credit than was deserved. For example: a terrible comedy with terrible actors would have Dan and I rolling around with agony—literal pain for wasting seven dollars—but Serena would clap at the end and make a comment about it being the _BEST MOVIE_ she's ever seen. By that example, Dan Humphrey must have been the worst love maker in all of New York. However, it didn't change how curious I was or how I would start to think Serena must be right. Dan was stoic while we kissed; he never lost himself the way I would in the middle of a make-out session. I'd pull away completely flushed and he'd smile looking the same way he always did. I made it my mission to make Dan weak in the knees and soon realized kissing wasn't going to do it. The first time Dan and I slept together was after numerous attempts. We were dead set on going on a date before hand, but we suddenly remembered that we had been on plenty of label-less dates and decided to just throw down. Nate interrupted us as always; when he was gone, Serena showed up.

That night was very significant in our lives. It was the night I chose Dan over Serena and never looked back. Once we did it, it was like we couldn't stop. Morning, afternoon, night,...sometimes I'd leave work at lunch, once we finished just in time for Nate to catch us. We weren't exactly discrete in our affection towards one another. In the first couple weeks we had sex on every surface of Dan's apartment, both alone and with company. My mother's house, his father's loft, my office, the copy room. Even if we were careless about where we did it, we were not careless about birth control. Being the very responsible adults we were, with career goals and absolutely no desire to have children, birth control was the one serious topic we discussed very early on. —Blair

**XOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**(PLAYGROUND LOVE)**

BY: AIR

_FROM: 'THE VIRGIN SUICIDES'_

**_XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX_**

**FLASHBACK**

With a long face, Dan brought two heavy cardboard boxes into his new apartment. The excitement he had about moving in faded from the morning. He took a long look at the artwork that covered the walls in the foyer; Blair had picked most of them out. There were still boxes and much decorating to do, and he wondered why she was ignoring his calls. He called her seven times in the last three hours and he left over twenty text messages explaining that he was trying to contact her and was worried about her. Eleanor told Dan she was nowhere to be found, and his mind wandered to the worst places. The very worst being to Chuck's apartment. Looking down at the boxes on the table, he thought about how Blair would scold him for it and picked them up and moved them to the floor. Scratching the back of his head, he made his way to the living-room and his eyes widened when he saw the brunette sitting casually on the window bench staring down at the bright city lights.

"You're here!" Dan laid his hand over his heart and sighed thankfully, causing Blair to jump out of her skin.

"...I'll go." She stood completely shocked that he was there. "I didn't know where else to go..." She stared at him, holding on to the blanket that was covering her shoulders.

"Blair,..." He smiled.

"It's okay, I know you went to see her. I'm going to...try to work at our friendship now. I can't very well stand in the way of,..._true love_." she stared at her feet for a moment. Dan's eyebrows knitted together with the confusion of her words. "I want to stay friends with you..." Her eyes became glossy and he knew she was sincere. "I don't have very many good friends and I don't want to lose what we have" She held her hand out for Dan to shake it.

"I'm sorry that I..." His finger tips grazed her palm. He didn't want to shake her hand. He wanted to hold it; he wanted to hold _her._

"No, please don't be sorry. I just thought maybe we'd both value our friendship too much to let a guy come between us. We both decided that neither one of us should be with you. It's a losing game and we'd rather strengthen our bond, not weaken it. We forgot to consider you coming back to one of us."

"I called your place and your mom said you weren't there." He blinked. "Where did you go?" Blair could tell he was already making assumptions.

Blair's first instinct was to attack Dan. "You don't have any authority over me, don't act like you..."

"_Why_?" His one simple word caused Blair to drop her multiple sentences. "Why did you see Chuck? I know you didn't do _all this," _he gestured towards her hair and makeup, "..for me."

"Why do I ever go to see Chuck?" She bit her lip. "When I'm losing control of my life, it's easy to fall back into old habits," she said with dignity, her head held high.

"And what happened when you went to see Chuck?" Dan could feel his jaw tightening.

"I stood in the doorway." Her eyes sparkled as she told him this part. "He was so happy to see me." She smiled, but it was hollow and smug; her lip twitched and her nostrils flared lightly as she tried to keep composure.

"And then what?" Dan's jaw remained tight.

"And then he offered me to come in and,..." She shook her head, her lips pursed together and her eyes shined with tears. "_I looked around and realized I didn't find what I was looking for there_..." she said in an unintended whisper.

"What were you looking for?"

"I don't know,...this_?_" she questioned herself, looking down at the blanket.

"You came here for that?" His lips curled slightly at the edges. Dan knew she was dancing around the reasons why she was standing in his apartment. "The truth is...when I got here, I didn't find what I was looking for either...you went to see Serena." She threw the blanket on the couch and moved past him.

"I left Serena's after a very brief talk." He put his hand out to stop her from walking away. "I thought I'd feel something when she opened the door,...she smiled..." Blair kept walking. Imagining Serena smiling when she found Dan on the other side of the door was enough to make Blair vomit.

"Please don't," he said, standing in front of the door, his whole body blocking it. "Don't leave like this." Blair hesitated, and then turned to look at his honest and pleading eyes. She walked over and sat on the couch. He said please; that she owed him to stay and listen to what he had to say. Her legs crossed gingerly, with her right ankle hooked around the left, her black pumps still on. "Blair, when Serena smiled at me...all I could think of was..." He swallowed, "...if _you_ were somewhere smiling like that and I was missing it..."

Blair sniffed as Dan walked closer. "Why did you...act like..." She couldn't even finish her sentence.

"I'm so sorry." Dan moved to her level, his knees swallowed by the thick, area carpet. "I never meant to make you feel that way." He inhaled lightly, "I should have never gone to see her." His face tilted up. "I'm not afraid to beg." Blair's hand brushed the side of his face gently and Dan's eyes closed. When his eyes opened she was crying. "Blair..." He frowned and took hold of her hands; the look on her face put a lump in his throat. "Don't cry..." He lifted himself up slightly so he could press a kiss to her forehead. Soon he was pressing them all over her face; tender kisses on her cheek, on her nose, on her chin, and finally on her lips.

This time when they kissed, Blair felt something different. Insane, because his lips were the same ones that she had been kissing for months. He was the same guy, but for whatever reason, this was different—much different. There were no words. Neither pulled away to prove a point or make a snide comment. Dan's hands rested on either side of her, pushing firmly into the couch cushions. Blair's small hands ran up his forearms gently as she leaned down to lift up his jaw. They had never kissed so slowly before. It used to have an urgency, a purpose, but right now it was gentle and tentative. They could feel each other's hot breath on their mouths. Suddenly Blair's hand rested flat against his chest creating a barrier between them.

"You let go of me." Her voice was broken. "When she walked in, you put me down. You made me feel," she sniffled lightly, "about as significant as a bookmark." She frowned, her nostrils twitched as she willed herself not to cry. She had done enough crying.

"I'm so sorry," his voice deadened in his throat. Dan's eyes hit the floor in front of him with shame. "I never meant to make you feel like that. I was confused and shocked and...I'll do anything to make it up to you." He remained on his knees and almost hoped she would stand. She deserved to be feet above him right now. He felt like pond scum. On an average day, Dan believed that Blair deserved to be on a higher level than him.

"Why?" her voice squeaked. "I just want to know why? Why did you see her? Why did you go to her when she called?" Her bottom lip shook gently. Dan pressed his lips together and reached out for her hand. He was surprised when she took it in her hand and held it tightly.

"I...I don't want to lie to you."

"Then don't." Her eyes looked into his requiring truth. "Why?" Her eyes were huge; beautiful.

"Umm when..." He smiled at how silly this might sound. "When 'The Artist' came out in theatres, everyone told me how amazing it was. I built it up in my head to something larger than life, but when the credits rolled at the end, I wondered why I thought it was going to be so amazing. I wish I had stayed home with the movies I had here." His thumb slid over the back of her hand. Dan waited for the comment, the scoff about his lame attempt at a metaphor.

"Did you see the ending credits?" She ran her finger under her eyes to remove any moisture accumulating and cleared her throat with a cough.

"Just the opening ones," he smiled gently. "Actually not even those...it was more like coming attractions, trailers..." Blair just stared him. "What I mean is that," he stroked her hand in his, " I didn't even go inside Blair. I've already seen that movie,...it's not my favourite." Blair made a slight laughing sound through her teary eyes and sore throat.

"I don't want you to be going back and fourth like this. I need you to know for sure who you want. I'm not getting into this if you're still unsure about the blonde or the brunette," she said, referring to herself and Serena.

"Blair," Dan's eyes locked with hers. "There is no doubt in my mind. I'm standing here right now,..err kneeling," His eyebrows crinkled; Blair smiled lightly. "You live up to the hype." He smiled, making Blair's heart swell. "I want the brunette," he said with such conviction. "I want her so bad I'd..." He took a deep breath; he'd been talking so quickly he forgot to breathe. "I'd tattoo her initials on my chest..._if she'll take me back,_" he said, swallowing. Blair scoffed and it was like music to Dan's ears.

Without saying anything, Blair leaned down to kiss him again. Still, these were not the kisses she remembered. There was something else in them. Dan's hands pressed deeply into the couch as his lips loved Blair's. "I wanna be with you," His hands held her face gently, his lips never pulling away. "I want to really be with you." His forehead rested on hers. "No more of this joke about never working out, no more talks about being casual like when we were talking to my dad. I'm over that. I don't want to joke around about those things. I want to be with you."

"I want to be with you too." Her eyes looked into his and Dan relaxed against her. "Although, I would rather you not do anything extreme, like tattoo yourself, okay?"

"Okay," he laughed lowly, giving her an eskimo kiss.

"Besides, I have markers in my purse..."

"Oh joy," he rolled his eyes. "You know I have an interview in the morning."

"Then I guess you'll be wearing a turtleneck."

Dan looked up at the ceiling with a chuckle. "I will be," he nodded. Blair smiled brightly before leaning back down and touching her lips to his.

Dan's hands pressed further into the couch cushions as he hoisted himself up off the floor, never losing contact with her lips. Blair laid back gently as Dan hovered over her and removed her shoes with two clunks to Dan's brand new hardwood floor. Now Blair's hands wrapped around his neck as his lips moved down hers, leaving the most stimulating and arousing kisses on her sensitive skin. Nice and slow and very easy, they kissed just as they had many times before, although right now, there was an intense feeling of excitement for what was pending. She was positive he could hear her shivering at his touch. Dan sat up on his knees so he could remove his shirt with one swift tug up over his head, before he lowered back down on to her. Blair's hands explored every inch of skin on his back and arms. Struggling underneath his weight, Blair attempted to remove her own shirt.

Dan pulled away now and, as quickly as possible, Blair discarded her sweater to the opposite side. Dan stood quickly, confusing Blair. "Dan?" she called for him. Her lips were swollen and her chin was slightly red from Dan's abrasive stubble. When she finally saw his silhouette in front of the window she relaxed. "The thing is...I decided that I'm only going to have sex when I really serious about someone." His words were gentle, but she couldn't really make out what he was doing.

"Oh..." Blair moved uncomfortably. She looked to see if her shirt was close; suddenly she felt too exposed. "Okay. That's..._that's okay_. I get it. I..." Her body lifted slowly as she reached out for the cashmere.

"No," Dan chuckled softly, seeing her standing and buttoning her shirt. That was when she heard the flick of a match and watched him light several candles on the window bench. Her eyes ignited with the soft flames. They resembled cat's eye marbles, glossy; full of fire. "I'm telling you..." Dan blew out the match and stood in front of Blair, "I only have sex..." his hands slipped under her sweater and held her "...when I'm serious about someone." He kissed her lightly and held on to her impossibly tiny waist.

"I thought you were going to prove your point again." She smiled as the candlelight danced around their faces and Dan worked at her buttons.

"I'm done proving that point. Right now I hope to prove something else entirely." His words in her ear made Blair tingle from head to toe. He nuzzled her neck and she smiled. Everything about this was thrilling. Not only had they built up this tension for months, but she finally knew this was going to happen; no more games. For the first time she was going to experience all of him and the anticipation was maddening. Shocked, Blair's eyes widened as Dan unclasped her bra with affluence. The sound of it unhinging alone sent a shiver up her spine. She had never felt his hands on her without her bra acting as a barrier. Her head tilted upwards as he gently pressed the softest of kisses on her sensitive breasts. He squeezed her with just enough force to make her moan. Glancing down, Blair noticed Dan was completely enamored with them. It made her feel so beautiful and desirable as he looked at both contemplatively, as if he was trying to decide which one he liked the best. Quite forcefully he pushed her down on to the couch and explored her even further. Blair's hands ran through his hair as he took her nipple into his mouth. Blair gasped at the heat focused there. Her moans were breathy and excited Dan to no end. If she liked something, he went one step further to illicit that moan that gave him immense self-satisfaction. What excited him even more was when he watched her twist her hips. His eyes made contact with hers before his hands ran up under her skirt, looking for the seam of her stockings. They were sexy and all, but without the black nylons she would have been even sexier. His fingertips found where the material ended and her skin began, and he pulled them both off with a soft and steady tickle, his finger tips grazing her leg. Blair was now fighting for control, so Dan surrendered to her advances and let her be on top for now. Her hair created a veil over his face as she kissed him senseless. Dan's hands ran up her skirt and rested on her hips. His lips twitched and turned into a little smirk as his hands roamed over her backside.

"_What?_" she whispered looking down at him with a smile.

"Nothing." His hands rubbed up and down her smooth legs and gave her a nice squeeze when he reached her ass.

"Tell _me,_" she persisted with a hot kiss below his ear. "Tell me." Her forehead rested on his now, her eyes wide and staring into his.

"Uh," he smiled, "you're Blair Waldorf." He bit his lip to keep from laughing.

"Oh,..." She kissed his chest. "You're Dan Humphrey...and you better hurry before I change my mind." She smirked above him; her eyelashes were so thick and full he could practically hear a camera shutter when she closed them. "But don't hurry..." Dan flipped her over and tugged her skirt off, until the only thing she was wearing was the tiniest, lacy, black thong. He kissed all along her body. The soft moans coming from her signaled Dan to keep going. Blair was starting to wonder if Dan had forgotten how to do this; why wasn't he ravishing her? Was she not desirable enough? What had him hold off for so long? She was about to unbuckle his belt when she felt his fingers push her thong to the side and she was already moaning before he even touched her. She imagined things would progress at a quicker pace now but they didn't. Dan seemed to be content with kissing her lips in various levels of pressure, some nips, some sucks, as he gingerly teased her inner thigh. The anticipation was enough to drive her over the edge—she nearly grabbed his hand and forced him to move it up further. Before she could help Dan find his way, she realized he didn't need any help. Dan was quite familiar with the territory as she soon realized. She wasn't going to need to be a backseat driver. Dan pushed at her undergarments once more. "Oo," she finally felt his hand on her, his fingers brushing over her core as he explored this new terrain. Blair was starting to wonder if he was familiar with this; did he have any skills. Again like clockwork, as if he was reading her mind he showed her he was not at his first rodeo. She hissed and sucked in a breath as he teased her clit. Dan slowly eased one finger into her slowly all the while watching her face to see her reaction. Her eyes snapped shut as a moan died on her lips in the form of whimper. "Mmmm," she whined. As he explored her with one finger and then two, his thumb was now drawing a circular motion over her clit, his eyes never leaving her face. "_Is that okay?_" He asked her in a hushed voice; an impish smile pulling at his lips knowing it definitely was more than okay. He closed his eyes and let his sensory take over. Blair's breathing became erratic as Dan began to do something Blair could only describe with a physical reaction. There were no words for this feeling. If Blair had to describe how this felt to Nina over martinis, she would simply roll her shoulders back and shiver. It was utterly relaxing and mind numbing and for a moment she thought she was high. His thumb glided from the hood of her clit with a pressured stroke slowly, then ran back over lightly, then again back with pressure. Blair panted harder every time he returned to the sweet spot, she rolled her eyes back and hated that he had this power over her, she hated that he could render her completely and utterly hypnotized, but she loved it too much to stop him.

"Uoo oo..." She panted into his mouth desperate for air.

Dan started to mock Blair by copying her noises. "Uoo,..." she moaned in a near whisper, as her hips twisted and her legs seemed to part further. They were both so in tune with the other, in such a rhythm that even before she was calling out the breathless "Ohhhhhs" Dan's lips were mimicking the satisfied expression on her face, so much so that seconds before she called out, he called out as if to tease her for this spell he seemingly had her under. Dan couldn't lie that he was so ready to go; he was sure he'd never been so aroused during this stage foreplay, especially when she wasn't even touching him. Blair pulled harshly on to his neck and forced their tongues to meet, sighing heavily into his mouth. Dan pulled away and sucked on her neck while continuing his ministrations, Blair could hear Dan was breathing heavily, seemingly keeping himself calm. He touched her with anticipation and she grabbed his hand.

"Stop!" she demanded, making him remove his hand. "I..." She caught her breath and calmed herself down to give her more dignity. "I want to do this in the bedroom." Blair, who was completely in the buff, grabbed her blanket and wrapped it around herself. Dan, still dressed in nothing but a pair of jeans and a smile, grabbed some of the lit candles to illuminate his dark bedroom. When he entered his room, Blair was turning from side to side twirling the blanket around her gently. Dan set the candles down on his dresser and moved slowly over to her.

"Let's see what we have here..." He knew what was waiting for him under the blanket, but he liked opening it as if he was unwrapping her. Taking both sides of the blanket he grazed her body gently as he let it fall to the floor. "Well look at that." He studied her body that was glowing from the candles. His finger tips traced the lines of her curves before his mouth devoured hers. Blair's hands ran over his torso, wondering again why she didn't do this sooner. Blair pulled away and seductively walked over to the bed. Dan sucked in a breath as he watched her trot over to the bed.

"Wow." His eyes traced over her backside. Blair climbed up on to the bed seductively and Dan shook his head at her.

"Why are you shaking your head?" she smiled impishly, before making him join her. She pat the other side of the brand new king size bed with its beautiful new bedding that she picked out.

"I was just thinking it's completely unfair." He walked over slowly until his fingertips grazed her back with a tickle. "Where's your flaw huh?" He pressed his forehead against hers with a sweet smile. Her lips found their way to his ear as his heart pounded firmly in his chest as she pulled him to lie down beside her.

"..._I'm a bitch_" she said in one of the sexiest voice Dan ever heard, then rested her hands on his shoulders, so she was looking straight into his eyes. Their knees were lost in the bedding, their bodies flush against each-other, skin on skin. When Blair pulled away she bit her lip and stared at him for moment, then looked down at the fly of his jeans. Why was he still wearing them?

Quoting Dan from earlier Blair began, "Let's see what we have here shall we?" Dan's heart began to thump in his chest as Blair unzipped his fly and very slowly pushed down his boxers. Blair's eyes fixed on him before her hands did. A shy feeling came over her now as she slowly ran her tiny hand over his erection, slow and steady. She felt her cheeks become warm as her hands slid over his soft skin. She wasn't entirely sure what she was so shy and giggly about. She'd seen a naked man before, she had sex before and she knew Dan. Dan was not a stranger, but she supposed that naked Dan was. "Where's your flaw?" Dan couldn't help himself, his head tilted towards the ceiling and he laughed. Blair was a little overzealous as her hand glided up and down, Dan made her stop. "_Calm yourself_..." He sucked on her bottom lip and took hold of her wrist. "Why would you want to rush this?" Blair continued what she was doing. The excitement of becoming more acquainted with this part of him in the near future was driving her insane.

"Please," he squeezed her wrist and she released him for being polite.

They both knew this was a big step, but they were both ready. All the build up until now had made this the most exciting sex they had ever experienced. Dan kissed her long and lovingly. She didn't object this time. She enjoyed the feeling of his hand linked with hers, her other hand running along his shoulder and down his arm. One of Dan's held on to her face as he kissed her, the other moved south running over her flat stomach and finding his previous area of attention. She didn't know if she wanted him to stop with his fingers or to keep going. Part of her wondered why he didn't want to take her right then and there, but another part of her wondered if she was actually going to be pushed over the edge by Dan's skilled fingers, and thumb,.._oh_ his thumb. His mouth tickled, bit, kissed and licked her neck as she felt him get harder and harder against her leg. She knew it would be any second now that he'd be too tempted by her wetness on his hand to not suggest they continue at a much faster pace. "_You're soaked,_" Dan kissed all along her jaw.

"_Do something about it,_" she growled.

"You wanna do something else?" he asked, a big smile pressed against her lips.

"_Yeah,_" she nodded, seeing him up on his knees running his hands up and down her inner thighs.

"Okay." He flashed a grin that gave Blair tingles. His smile was somewhat excited, somewhat apprehensive. Whatever the smile was, Blair lifted her hand and brushed his cheek with adoration. Dan's smile dissolved when he moved himself closer to her, he was serious now; she watched his Adam's apple swallow and she felt light headed. This was it: they were going here and there was no going back. This could be great or this could be bad. They would soon find out if they were sexually compatible. Clearly, Blair was not too worried as her legs parted to accommodate him fitting in between them. Her arms extended and rested on his neck. Her index fingers resting behind his ears and her thumbs cradling his face in her hands.

"You're sure?" His eyes locked with hers, their foreheads touched lightly.

"_I want to feel you_" She ran her thumbs along his jaw and they kissed, soft, loving pecks for a moment. With some caution and ease, Dan slid himself inside her so slowly he only made it halfway when Blair winced. Dan froze and pressed his forehead up against hers, Blair's hands still cradling his face. Her arms wrapped themselves instinctively around Dan's shoulders and neck, bringing him close to her. Her bottom lip dragging across his chin. She just held on to him for a moment knowing he was hers now.

When the moment subsided, Blair pulled on Dan's hips sending him into her further. A laugh came from Dan. Blair loved the laugh; she knew exactly what the origin was. The laugh was of the 'look at my luck' variety when he settled deep inside of her. "_Jesus..._" His eyes blinked rapidly while he stayed still and felt her for a moment. He definitely didn't expect her to be that tight.

"Mmm..." Her hands dug into his back as she lifted herself up to him gently. Dan took that as his cue to start moving. Very gently he pulled out and moved back in, testing this feeling she was providing and making sure it wasn't a fluke. It had been awhile for him and they built this up for so long, it must have been that and not in her physical makeup. Blair's legs wrapped around his waist and she whimpered when he could feel all of him. Every hair on the back of Dan's neck stood—this was no fluke. Blair Waldorf was made for pleasure.

Blair Waldorf, his girlfriend.

"Uh..." Dan sighed, not sure how long he could keep this up for. She was unlike anything he had ever felt before. Not one woman he had been with felt so accommodating. Blair Waldorf really was miles above other women in every aspect. Every muscle of hers clenched tightly against him; she wasn't just warm, she was hot. "_You feel like_,..." he didn't even have the words to describe this, she smiled up at him resting her hands lightly on his shoulder.

"_What do I feel like_?" she begged. Blair stared at him with lust; Dan's eyes were practically glazed over.

"Ooo..." He smiled with drunken eyes.

"What do I feel like?" She insisted he finish his sentence immediately.

Dan obeyed Blair, "_Incredible..._" His eyes were heavy-lidded and blinded with lust when he answered her. Blair bit her lip and lifted her hips off the bed to grind into him. This wasn't going to work for Dan; he needed a distraction or a change of position. With a hand resting on her face he kissed her firmly and pulled her in his direction so they were on their sides. Blair moaned, as the angle they were on was hitting all the right places, and she squeezed her hips around him "OH!" All the build up had sent her over the edge in a much too early orgasm. A soft wave rolled through her; her mouth opened in an effort to give herself some much needed air.

"Blair..." Dan took hold of her chin and made her look at him. Her hands squeezed his shoulders, her teeth clenched. "Did you just?..."

"mHmm." Blair nodded at Dan who just looked down as if to ask her if it was happening.

"Don't be shy..." he said, kissing her shoulder. The look on her face was borderline painful. He pressed a kiss to her head and waited for her euphoria to subside; he wanted to enjoy her moment before he did anything else. This was a real one—Dan knew Blair Waldorf would never fake on his behalf. Heck, Blair wouldn't fake anything for anyone without personal gain. Now their bodies were slick and continued to move effortlessly together a little longer before Dan was sure his stamina was wavering and it was all her fault.

"_Is it okay if I_...?" His breathing was erratic now. Blair smiled knowing he would hold off if she wanted him to. She didn't want him to.

"Yes.._._" She kissed his neck and anticipated the excitement of Dan having his turn. Blair found this to be incredibly odd. Why on earth would she be excited about something that didn't benefit herself? All she knew was that she wanted him to feel as good as she did right now. "Yeah." She smiled, meeting his gaze. Dan smiled thankfully back before his hand took a gentle fist full of her hair as he picked up the pace. Blair grinned widely with her cheek against his as he grinded into her with a loving yet eager pace. Literally feeling him at the brink was a cathartic experience, the sound of his breath in her ear was spellbinding. She was holding tightly to Dan Humphrey as he orgasmed within her. Who would have thought she'd ever see the face he just made? When Dan came undone, Blair loved the groan he made; it was satisfying. She loved the way he squeezed her hips at the exact moment he orgasmed, keeping himself deep inside her. His arms collapsed from holding up his body weight and he laid gently on top of her, heart thumping against her chest. "Blair..." He caught his breath with his forehead now resting on her collarbone, damp and cool. She raked her fingers through his hair gently as her other hand rested on his back. "Why...didn't we do that sooner?" he asked, making Blair huff.

"I've been asking that question for a while now Humphrey," she said, continuing to stroke his hair.

"I should have listened to you." He caught his breath. Blair wondered why he hadn't pulled away immediately. She wasn't complaining, this was nice. Dan kissed her one last time and moved away. The feeling when he did was strange for Blair. Just a moment ago they were connected and now she felt the onset of loss. Quickly she sat up and grabbed her blanket to cover herself. Dan made a comment about giving him a moment and he could go again. _Again?_ she thought; she had never been with a man who said that. She nodded without a word and quickly made her way to the washroom.

Dan was left alone. He sat up in his bed and caught his breath. A strange feeling came over him. It was almost a melancholy of sorts. It didn't take long for him to realize what it had been; she was gone. He wanted her back. Blair ran her hand along the marble counter top in the washroom and took a good at the place she picked out for Dan. The double sinks, the tiled glass shower. She was thrilled that he lived in a place this beautiful.

"Blaaaaaiirrr," he called for her in a luring drone. "Come back." Blair giggled a little in the washroom as she cooled down her face with some cold water and pulled the pins out of her curls. When she surfaced, she was wrapped in the blanket and leaning against the door frame with an impish grin. Her hair was tousled effortlessly, her lips were swollen from his nips; she couldn't look any sexier.

"Want you..." Dan's hands extended towards her and she quickly walked over to jump on top of him. Dan's mouth devoured hers. Their tongues danced around each other with soft and gentle pressure, and the butterflies in Blair's stomach rushed in. Dan was not kidding when he told her he could go again. She took hold of him in her hand and lowered herself down on to him with her teeth pressed deep into her bottom lip. "I can't explain," he exhaled, "how good you feel." Dan's lips spoke into her hair when she was completely lowered on to him.

"Try." She lifted herself and slowly lowered back down. Dan moaned.

"I can't...it's like...uhhh..." His hands gripped her little hips.

Blair's lips vibrated on his neck as Dan's hands travelled to her breasts.

"What's it like?..." Dan stopped her words with a kiss, he sat himself up so he was holding her and paid a little attention to her breasts; she arched her back to enjoy it.

"It's like..." He bit his lip and smiled as she pushed on his chest and moved up and down on top of him. He smiled up at her, "..._Perfect_."

**XOXOXOXOX**

When Dan woke up he was confused at what time it was; his new bedroom was so dark. He checked his phone that read seven thirty am and stretched before getting up and pulling back one of the dark drapes to take a good look outside. It was dark and rainy; it looked chilly and Dan groaned thinking it might be nice to spend the whole day in his amazing new bed. Dan couldn't remember a time when he had such a great sleep. He'd have to thank the woman still sleeping in it for her choice in mattress, box spring, sheets, comforter...the whole damn thing basically. He remembered how unsettling it was to give Blair his credit card to let her decorate his bedroom, but he took a leap of faith with her. He half expected to walk in a pink and frilly bedroom covered with throw pillows and vases full of flowers, but it was quite the opposite. It was masculine and she totally hit the nail on the head with decorating for him. Sitting back down he looked over at Blair, whose curls cascaded down the pristine white pillow case. "Blair." He ran his hand up her bare shoulder lightly. He leaned over and kissed her shoulder now. "_Blaairrr._.." he said gently again, lulling her from her slumber.

"Mmm..." Her eyes opened a little and he continued rubbing her shoulder. "What?" she asked why he was waking her.

"It's seven thirty." He rested his forehead against hers.

"Hmph." She sat up and rubbed her eyes. Dan sat up with her and laid his head on her shoulder, smelling the remnants of yesterday's perfume.

He saw how tired she was and said, "Do you want another five minutes? I can set an alarm for you.."

She shook her head. "No, I need to shower and..." She would need every minute she had to prepare herself for the day. Dan watched Blair get up and prance to the en-suite wrapped in nothing but her dress slip. He smiled smugly before laying back down on his bed. When Blair emerged from the shower she walked back into Dan's room in a towel. She looked around for her clothes knowing she'd have to scrounge together an outfit from what she wore the night before. Dan watched her curiously as she put her corset back on—each and every hook and eye linked together—before she stood and zipped up her skirt. Walking over to Dan's nearly empty closet, she fingered through his jackets before stopping at a slim fitting one. She tossed it over her shoulders, rolling up the sleeves so they purposely fell right above her elbows making it look like it couldn't be worn any other way. It fell long, just below her butt, but Dan found it look surprisingly feminine and laughed with disbelief.

"How do you do that?" he asked sitting up, a pillow propping him against the leather headboard.

"Skilled eye." She winked before slipping it off her shoulders. "I'm taking this with me," she said, pointing at his jacket now lying on the bed before heading to the bathroom to do her makeup.

"Hey, why don't you just call in sick?" He ran up behind her until he could see himself in the mirror.

"I have to go. You don't know what happens in that office when I'm not there." She looked at the mirror and suddenly realized how good they looked together. A smug smile took over her face as Dan buried his head in her neck and kissed her.

"Someone else can do your job just fine..." He kept kissing.

"Excuse me?" Her eyebrows raised.

"Well, not as well as you can..." He smiled, straightening up.

"That's what I thought Humphrey." She held her nose up and continued touching up her makeup.

"I guess I'll just stay here and watch movies while you're gone. Or catch up on sleep...dream about my perfect woman...you know? Typical stuff."

She rolled her eyes. "Hmm, or find a job?"

"Hey!" He rested his hand over his bare chest. "I have an interview at noon," he defended himself. "That doesn't sound as fun as dreaming about my perfect woman though..." His eyes squinted.

"What exactly is your perfect woman?" She turned to him. "I really want to know...what _is_ your type? I never knew you to have such standards—_any standards._" She blinked.

"I'll say...about five-four..." He grabbed for her hands; she tried to pull away with an eye-roll, but his hands were still holding hers to force her to look at him. "Brunette, flawless skin..." He pulled her back into him so he was now standing behind her "_Sharp as a tack, smart as a whip," _Dan was now kissing along her jaw._ "Gorgeous,"_ Blair had given in now and allowed herself to succumb to his lips that were now touching her neck. She even lifted her hands and moved her hair to the side so he had better access. Her eyes shut and she felt his kisses slowly crawl up to behind her ear. With his open mouth he trailed her, arousing every nerve in her body.

"_She sounds astonishing,_" Blair whispered with a slight moan. "_Ehm_," she cleared her throat.

"_She's breathtaking,_" Dan let go of Blair's hips and ran his fingers from the peaks of her shoulder all the way down to her elbows in a soft caress that tickled her slightly.

"She has beautiful," Dan gave her a soft kiss, "lips," he finished. Blair was now facing him and had both her hands on the back of his neck, pulling him closer so she could kiss him better. Dan's hands slipped under her shirt and explored her back as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and ran her hands up the nape of his neck. Dan's fingertips grazed the clasp of her bra.

"_I can't,_" Blair's eyelids fluttered as she turned away from him. Dan's right hand snaked around over her shoulder and slipped into her shirt. Pulling her back against his chest, he squeezed her breast. She moaned lightly when he teased her nipple. "_Stop.._." she spun out of his grasp. Dan smirked; the word was not convincing, but he always obeyed her. He pressed one more kiss to her neck and let go. Blair's once relaxed and entranced state came to an end when she no longer felt his hands on her.

"I don't want you to stop," she said suddenly, guiding him backwards until he was standing in front of the bed. She pushed him down aggressively and straddled him. "I have nine minutes before I have to be walking out this door. Make it worth my while?" The words were like velvet slipping out of her plump heart shaped lips: Dan's single, favourite physical feature.

The nine minutes turned into fifteen when Blair realized she didn't want this to be a quickie. Before long, she told him to go faster as she looked over at the alarm clock taunting her for being late on her second week of work. When Blair hit her climax she hardly had time to enjoy it. Knowing how late she was going to be she quickly gained her composure and picked up her discarded clothing.

"Just stay." Dan watched her put all her clothes back on and fix her hair as quickly as possible.

"No, hand me your jacket." She slipped his jacket back on, transforming her corset into instant business casual attire. "I'll see you later," she walked over to the bed for a goodbye kiss. "Oh and...by the way," she blinked smugly. "I'm five-five..."

"What makes you think I was talking about you? _Oh this is embarrassing._"

Blair laughed lightly, "I'll see you later." She walked out.

**XOXOXOX**

"I knew you'd be back." Dan smiled as Blair exited the elevator.

"Bedroom!" she pointed.

"Don't you want to hear about my job hunt?" he asked as she backed him up and pushed him on the bed.

"Mmm, later..." She got on top of him and threw the jacket that she wore to work on the floor.

"Hey, that's Marc Jacobs!" he teased her for being careless with his things through a smile.

"And everyone at the office loved it." She nibbled at his ear then sat up to take his shirt off. Dan made short work of Blair's skirt and threw it to the floor to join his jacket. Their kisses were feverish now and they got comfy under the covers. His hands were massaging every inch of flesh she had to offer.

"You smell different everyday," he commented, nearly out of breath.

"I like variety," she explained her reason for changing her perfume so often.

"Me too." He pulled her on top of him.

"_Oh god Dan_..." She lowered herself on to him and kept gaze with his eyes. The bed started to smack the wall gently each time she lowered herself back on to him. Dan, drunk with lust below her, caressed her perky breasts, occasionally squeezing them and making her moan out his name. They were so busy enjoying themselves they didn't hear Nate.

"Hey Dan? I'm sorry I'm late but...this place makes me think of _Fraiser_," Nate laughed to himself as he explored the new apartment. He could hear movement from Dan's bedroom. He wondered if he starting putting together his bed frame without him. "I thought you were waiting for me before you..." Nate's eyes widened with shock. "Oh I'm sorry!" He stared at his friend who was currently in an unmistakable position with a woman straddling him. The girl, who was strategically covered by a sheet around her waist, quickly dropped her face to lie on Dan's chest to hide herself. Dan pulled the sheet up over her on instinct.

"I'm sorry!" Nate averted his eyes quickly and shielded them with his hand.

"What are you doing?" Dan asked exasperated. "GET OUT!" he yelled at his friend who just stood there.

"Oh, right!" He closed the door behind him then curiously thought about the woman's back that he just saw.

"Dan?"

"What?" Dan asked with unmistakable annoyance in his voice.

"...is that Blair?" Nate asked through the door. Blair rested her forehead on Dan's chest and laughed pathetically. Dan's hand lifted her cheek gently and just smiled at her.

"Yes...it is" He leaned in and kissed her gently. Blair groaned and lay beside him.

"Would you two make yourselves decent and meet me out here?"

Blair walked out wrapped in a silky robe, her hair tousled, her lips swollen.

"So, what...you're two people that hate each other but have sex on occasion?"

"Not exactly," Blair looked over at Dan who was trying not to laugh at the situation they were in.

"I'm not sure if I like this..."

"I'm not sure if I like you..." Blair said with a straight face before giggling.

**XOXOXOX**

_**PRESENT**_

"Ask _her._" Nate looked at a couple of women across the bar.

"The one wearing the polyester tube top or the one wearing the disco ball dress?" Dan asked bluntly.

"So now you judge women on the way they dress?"

"They way women dress is very important. It shows the world who they are and who they want to be. Just like she's implying that she has aspirations to be a stripper and she..." he referred to the other girl, "might want to be a Vegas show girl..." He trailed off when Nate rolled his eyes.

"You're a snob Dan."

"Not a snob just..." he thought for a moment, "used to a certain..." He exhaled and took a swig of his beer. "Nate, this is going to sound bad but...I was married to one of the most fashion forward women on the UES. I can't just go from steak to meatloaf that easily,"

"You're right...that sounded bad." Nate and Dan shared a laugh. Soon they were headed to another bar where Dan might be able to meet a woman that didn't look like she had a jar full of dollar bills at home.

"Look around you!" Nate patted Dan on the back. "Successful women!" Nate announced as they walked in and past a few women drinking dry martinis, some in full suits. "Get some conversation going!" Nate rubbed his hands together and suggested he get them drinks while Dan started chatting someone up.

"What? I don't do this,'" Dan sighed. "Feels so unnatural..."

"Dan...this is the real world. Women don't always fall into your lap. Sometimes you have to hunt them out."

Dan found this whole idea to be completely awkward. He never dated anyone he met at a bar and found the whole thing to be uncomfortable. "I don't even know what I'm doing Nate..." Dan looked around.

"Dan, you're a charming, good-looking guy who still has a tan line on his ring finger." Dan glanced down at his bare hand on the bar then balled it up into a fist. "You're golden!" he assured him.

"You mean for a 'sure thing' ?" Dan asked with an eye-roll. "I don't think I should be looking for relationship from someone in a bar."

"Who said we were looking for a relationship?" Nate scoffed. "I thought we were getting you laid."

"Thanks, but no thanks," Dan stood.

"Sit! _Sit,_" he urged his friend. "You need to get over the hump Dan. Just one time."

"No, absolutely not," he shook his head, no longer feeling the bar night.

"OOOOOoo..." Nate's eyes widened all of a sudden. Dan turned his head to see what he was looking at.

"Don't look!," he warned him. "Blair and Nina just walked in..."

"Where?" Dan turned.

"Don't look!" he said again. It was too late Dan's eyes fixed on her.

"Maybe we should go home," Dan suggested as Blair walked up to the bar and took a seat. Blair and Nina were laughing so heartily he could tell they had a few drinks before leaving the house. Dan could consciously feel his heart beating in his chest as a guy walked over and asked his Daisy if she would let him buy her a drink. She looked a little shy at first, but then nodded politely with a gorgeous smile. She clinked glasses with the guy as the bartender set the drink in front of her. "Cheers!" he heard them say in unison. "Well..." Dan gulped. "That didn't hurt at all." He looked at Nate.

"So, what do you think? He's cute right?" Nina asked, eying him from the other side of the bar.

"I guess, " Blair looked over.

"Come on! He was adorable!"

"His ears were kind of..."

"Ears? Really? You're going to turn him down because of his ears?"

"Oh calm down Nina! I don't have to like everyone; I'm not you..." she teased. "What about this guy?" Blair gestured over to a guy in a sports jacket.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Nina asked, gulping at her martini.

"What?" Blair looked offended.

"Blair, he looks like Dan."

"OH he does not!" She rolled her eyes.

"Uh yeah, he does." Nina stared.

"He's way thinner than Dan and his hair isn't as dark or curly and he doesn't really have his bone structure. And he's too pale to be Dan..."

"So he's a poor man's Dan Humphrey is what you're saying" she laughed, amused with her.

"He doesn't look like Dan at all is what I'm trying to say!" Blair laughed. "See, that guy...that guy looks like Dan." Blair popped an olive into her mouth and looked back at Nina. Nina took a double take over Blair's shoulder.

"Oh shit..." Nina trailed off. "That _is_ Dan," she said quietly, looking away.

"It is not." Blair froze and stopped chewing.

"Oh it is. Unless he has a doppleganger that is also best friends with Nate Archibald..."

"Are you sure?" Blair felt her whole back tense up and suddenly she didn't feel like being there.

"HI!" Nina smiled cheerfully as Nate and Dan approached them.

Blair turned slowly in her seat and looked up at Dan and Nate. "Hey." She tossed back the rest of her drink.

"What are you guys doing here?" Nate asked as Dan stood stoically, leaning against the counter trying to act as natural as possible.

"Blair had her interview today so we're celebrating," Nina explained. Dan perked up and smiled, feeling more comfortable with where the conversation was headed.

"Did you get it?" he enquired with a thoughtful grin.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I feel like the interview went really well though. There were eight applicants, so we'll see."

"Oh you'll get it." Dan nodded confidently with a smirk.

"I know," Blair rolled her eyes playfully; her usual smugness coming out made Dan laugh.

"We really just came for one drink so..." Blair showed them her empty martini glass. "My mom has Nicky and I told her I wouldn't be late."

"Sure," Dan nodded. "Give her a kiss for me,"

"I will." Blair smiled before linking arms with Nina and walking out of the bar.

"Did you like his suit?" she asked Nina. "I love his suit." She sighed. "Don't look!" she scolded her friend for glancing back.

"Blair can you make something clear for me?"

"Sure."

"Why are you divorced?"

"I told you..."

"No you didn't tell me." hHr eyes widened. "And...you just had eye sex with him."

"Eye what?"

"Eye sex...you eye-fucked him in front of Nate and I and it was disgusting." They walked out on to the street and headed to the car waiting for them.

"You are delusional! We talked, we have a daughter together, so yes we talk and we can hold a conversation because we are connected in the most profound way possible and..."

"Dan is brilliant, funny, charming, nice..."

"And those are none of the reasons I left him Nina." She snapped her head up.

**XO**

"God, she smells amazing..." Dan and Nate leaned against the bar as Nina and Blair trotted away.

"You and Blair just eye-banged in front of me and Nina..."

"First, eww and second...no we didn't..."

"Sometimes I wonder why you got divorced."

"Oh really? You wonder that? I thought you got front row tickets to that show," he said with shame in his voice.

**XO**

"You're kidding." Nina stared at Blair with sympathy. "I would have never guessed..." She really had no words now. On the list of things that could have happened between them, Nina would have never guessed this.

"Oh trust me...sometimes I still can't believe it." She inhaled, hoping they could change the subject now that her friend was one of only four people who knew of this situation.

"It's so..._unlike him._" Her eyes rested on the horizon, wondering how this could be possible.

"You'd think so,"

"Does Nicky know?" Blair stared at her with a blank face. "Right, I guess she shouldn't know about that..."

"Nina, please don't tell anyone. No one. I'm actually a little paranoid that I even told _you_..."

"I won't tell a soul. I promise." She frowned, taking Blair's hand in hers. "Did you...try to make it work after?"

"For months," Blair's eyes filled up. "He wasn't really the same guy to me after that..." She looked ashamed.

Dan and Nate were walking down the street at a comfortable clip talking about Dan's dating life.

"I'm sorry, but there were no women that I even felt the _urge_ to talk to," he shrugged. "Okay...that's a lie, because if you let me, I would've sat and talked to Blair all night..." He sighed, "I guess I just need more time."

"You know, you're pissing me off Dan."

"How so? Because I have certain type?" He looked to Nate with a smile. He just couldn't date as openly or freely as Nate did.

"A certain type?" Nate laughed out loud. "Right now your type is _Blair._"

"I told you, I just need some more time."

"This is what you have to deal with..."

"What do I have to deal with?" Dan blinked with confusion.

"You're not going to find another Blair Waldorf, there is only one and you lost her," he explained, making Dan's eyebrows raise. "You can't expect someone to fall in your lap. You need to go out and meet people or you'll spend the rest of your life thinking the grass is greener on the other side. You'll be hung up on Blair forever."

"Nate..." Dan's eyes darted around. "I never said..."

"You need to make an effort, because this is your mess that you got yourself into. I can't stand to see you act like you're the one to feel sorry for."

"Uh..." Dan cleared his throat. "I can't believe you're saying this to me after all this time," He stopped walking and looked at his friend.

"I never took a side Dan,"

"Well you're taking one now..." His eyebrows rose. "Nate, I made a mistake, but it doesn't change the fact I'm not the one that ended our marriage. I wanted to work it out."

"Yeah, a stupid fucking mistake," he said coolly.

"I won't argue it," Dan nodded. "I'll never deny that, but..."

"Just as long as you don't. You didn't only mess up Blair's life, or even your own, you messed with Nicky's life,"

Dan closed his eyes and nodded. "I know that," he opened his eyes, "Don't think I don't know that. I do."

Nate held his hand out and they shook hands. "I love you buddy," Nate pulled him into a hug. "Good luck at your book release. Sign me ten copies so I can sell them on eBay!"

"You got it," Dan laughed as he headed inside his building, wondering why Nate blamed him solely on the demise of his and Blair's marriage. Of course Dan knew he had a lot to be ashamed of when it came to their break-up, but he worked everyday to fix it. In Dan's eyes Blair let go of him the second she met Patrick. The real problems set in when she started staying out late and avoiding him.

Eleanor greeted Blair at the elevator when the doors popped open. "Well, you weren't kidding when you said you wouldn't be out late," she smiled at her daughter.

"Wasn't really in the mood," she explained clicking through the foyer.

"She's sleeping," Eleanor gestured to Nicky sound asleep on the couch. Blair titled her head to the side and smiled with adoration before quickly walking over and bending down to her level.

"Nic,.." she said softly running her hand up her arm. "Nicccky..." she said again lulling her from sleep. She opened her eyes slowly and Blair smiled. "Come on, let's go home," she continued rubbing her arm.

"Okay," she pushed the blankets off her.

"Oh,.." she remembered something and pressed a kiss on her forehead. "Daddy wanted me to give that to you," as she pulled back Nicky felt the cold metal of Blair's necklace touch her cheek but she didn't dare ask about it. She wasn't sure she wanted to know why her mom wore a necklace with another man's name on it.

"A kiss? she asked. "How did he give it to you exactly?" she smirked. Blair rolled her eyes playfully.

"He told me, silly girl," she wrapped her hand around her shoulder.

"I guess the button matching knocked you right out..." Eleanor commented to her grandaughter.

"Mom..." Blair sighed for putting Nicky to work.

"What?..." she shrugged as her daughter and grandaughter entered the elevator. "Oh darling?," she said holding on to the big metal door. "You're welcome to host your tea party here,"

"Perfect!" Blair smiled happily.

**_FLASHBACK_**

Blair knew something was up the moment she walked into her building through the revolving doors. James the doorman curiously dialled a number before she could make it to her elevator. "Blair," he finally greeted her.

"Hello, how are you?" she pulled her luggage to the elevator leading to her apartment and noticed as the numbers lit up. Blair stood and waited, fully expecting a six year-old that was up way past her bedtime, to hurdle towards her when the doors opened. But no, when the doors pulled back her husband was standing there with a grin. "Didn't think I could make it up on my own?" she asked the guy leaning on the silver bar of the elevator.

"Didn't want you to," he smirked. There it was, that voice Blair wished she could wrap herself in. The familiar and comforting voice of her husband. It wasn't until this moment that she realized how good it felt to be ride up to the apartment left little time to talk as their lips were occupied with other business. When they reached their destination of the twentieth floor Blair clicked on into the beautiful home they established together many years ago. Dan carried her luggage in as Blair bent down to greet the bulldog that practically dove off the couch at the sound of her voice.

"I missed you!" she gave him a good scratch behind his ears. When Winston was satisfied with his mom being home Blair stood then perched herself on the counter and Dan managed to wedge himself between her knees.

"Did you miss me?" Dan asked feeling like he was suddenly pushed to the side the second she saw the dog.

"What do you think?" she pressed her forehead against his.

"Mmm,..." he hummed on her lips.

"I'm happy to be home," she kissed him chastely. Dan groaned, he wasn't seeking a chaste kiss. "I told Nicky,..." she slipped of the counter.

"She's asleep..." he blocked her path. "She's not going to wake up, trust me. She's out like a light she tried so hard to stay up and wait for you,...look" he gestured to the stainless steel fridge covered with crayon pictures and the words 'Welcome home Mommy' all over. "She really missed you,...I missed you too"

"I was only gone six days"

"So? That's like a lifetime to us." he squeezed her tightly. Blair starred at the drawings.

"Her Y is backwards," Blair sighed seeing the stroke of her Y crossed on a right angle opposed to the left. "Did you correct her?"

"...No," he shrugged.

"You need to correct her Dan..." she whined a little with her head tilted to the side.

"Blair,..." he took a deep breath.

"I'm being ridiculous aren't I?" she said immediately hearing the tone in his voice.

"A little, yes" he nodded.

"I..." she closed her eyes and held her hands over them.

"Blair," he grabbed her hands. "She's brilliant for her age."

"I know," she nodded carefully wondering why things like this bothered her so much and how she was terrified she and Nicky would end up having the same relationship she and her mother had. She never wanted to be as controlling as Eleanor.

"You have to remember she's six and it's okay for her to make mistakes. She should also be allowed to make them without her mom having a meltdown..." he looked at her knowing she felt really bad for even bringing it up.

"Umm,.." She swallowed. A smile crept over her face. "Can I wake her up?" she bit her lip hoping Dan would agree.

"No...NOOOoooooo," he laughed at her devious smile.

"Hmm," she walked quietly into the hall not listening to him.

"Blair,..." he whispered trying to get her to come back to the kitchen.

"I'm just going to..." she skipped quietly. Tapping lightly on her daughter's bedroom door she was able to nudge it open it with less than a peep. She found Nicky sleeping peacefully. Her rich brown locks cascading over a pristine white pillow. Her night light illuminated the Tiffany blue walls. There in the corner was her small white table and chairs, her favourite tea set teamed with teddy bears and stuffed animal guests. The tall white book shelf filled to the brim with children's literature, classics and some contemporary. Blair smiled looking to her daughter's angel face peeking up from the light coloured duvet. Her little hand gripping the fringe of a familiar blanket.

"She's been carrying it around all week." Dan explained in a whisper.

"Maybe I could just...," she considered waking her up.

"No, c'mon...she's sleeping" he grabbed the curled door handle and pulled it closed.

"But, I said i'd..."

"She's sleeping, and in case you haven't noticed..._I'm awake_" he pouted a little and Blair couldn't help but laugh. He pulled her into their bedroom by the hands and shut the door with his foot.

"Humphrey..."

"Mmm?..." he worked at her buttons.

"But I,..." Dan growled lightly in her ear and she succumbed immediately by helping him remove her tights.

**XOXO**

"Mummy,..." Nicky stood over a sleeping Blair.

"...Hi" Blair turned over with a yawn. "_Good morning_," she smiled brilliantly and pressed her hands on her six yearold's face.

"You didn't wake me up when you got home," she climbed up on to the bed and nestled in close to her mom whom she missed so dearly. "I told you that I wanted you to wake me up as soon as you got home"

"I know," Blair frowned. "But I couldn't, you were sleeping like an angel," she kissed her forehead. "I missed you so much," she ran her hand through her daughter's lengthy waves.

"Well good morning to you too..." Dan huffed a little before turning on his pillow and smiling at Nicky who didn't seem too interested in anything but her mom's face. She was stroking Blair's cheek and looking at her with complete adoration before he rested his chin on Nicky's shoulder making her turn.

"Good morning daddy," she hugged him tightly.

"mmm,...morning" he reveled in her tight hug.

"Gosh...I'm starving..." Blair looked up over her daughter and caught eyes with Dan.

"Me too," Nicky claimed in a tiny voice. Blair could see Dan gently shake his head side to side knowing exactly what she had in mind.

"Really? Well maybe,...daddy will make us breakfast?" she played with one of Nicky's curls and smiled at Dan.

"Oh?" Dan sat up.

"Well, you can't possibly expect us to get out of a perfectly comfy bed _just_ because we're hungry" Blair cuddled close to Nicky who giggled. "We need to catch up," Blair kissed her girl on the cheek and pulled the blankets up to their chins.

"Well, what if I want to catch up with you?" he cocked an eyebrow.

"We caught up last night,..." Blair smirked a little. "Plus you're so good at it,..."

"Good at making breakfast or..." Dan laughed.

"Yes,!...Breakfast!" she pushed him playfully.

"Please daddy!" Nicky asked politely.

"Oh girls," Dan sighed before getting up out of bed. "can't live with em, can't live without em"

"No. You. Can't.!" Nicky declared.

"No, I can't," Dan leaned over and gave Blair a long, lingering kiss good morning before heading to the kitchen to whip up some waffles.

Nicky and Blair laid in bed like the royalty they claimed to be and talked about everything they missed in each other's lives in the last week. It wasn't long before Dan was calling them to the table.

"Ladies, Breakfast..." Dan called as he set the table with knifes and forks.

"...hmm" Nicky sprawled out on to Dan's side of the bed as Blair stood. "Maybe,..." she started in her small voice. "If we stay, he'll just bring it to us?" her eyes widened.

"I like your style bebe" Blair laid back down and cuddled with her.

"Breakfast in bed kind of day?" Dan asked peering into the bedroom when he noticed the seats at the table were still empty.

"We think so," Blair nodded. Dan shook his head with a small groan before going back to the kitchen and putting everything on trays. He served them their trays full of golden waffles and stawberries and took a seat beside Blair on the bed.

"What?" Dan sighed seeing Blair make a classic "Blair" face.

"Do we _not_ have a set of plates that are all clean?" she starred up at him holding her fork in her hand as Nicky dug in without another thought.

Dan laughed at Blair commenting on the fact they all were eating off different coloured plates. "They're all in the dishwasher. Does it really matter that we have different plates?" he chewed.

"No," she shook her head. "Just looks like we bought them at a garage sale..." her eyes widened with distaste. Dan got up from the bed and went to the kitchen. Blair's eyes darted around her bedroom hoping he was coming back but after a minute she was still alone with Nicky.

"DAN!" she called for him.

"You need me to gather your trays?" he asked with his hand on the door.

"No," she squinted. " I want you to have breakfast with us," she smacked the side of the bed where she wanted him to sit. Dan took his place beside her and drank his coffee. He was done long before Nicky and Blair were done with their waffles and he stood before heading to the kitchen to put his cup in the sink. When he came back into the bedroom Blair eyed him carefully before he proceeded to the en-suite with a towel.

"What are you doing?"

"Showering,..." He raised an eyebrow. "Is that okay with you?"

"Yes... I just thought we were going to have a pyjama day,"

"Oh, not today," he shook his head. "I have a meeting with Jerry."

"About the new series or about you?" she sat up straighter now.

"About me," he answered confused at why she was getting so stern.

"I thought we talked about this" her lips were tight.

"We did. I'm going to the meeting" he said also through tight lips.

"Stay home with us,...tell daddy to stay home with us" Blair used desperate measures.

"Daddy stay!" Nicky's little voice made Blair light up thinking it was going to work.

"I can't." he walked in and shut the door behind him. When Dan walked into the kitchen after his shower he found Nicky and Blair drinking tea. Winston laying under the table.

"I think you should really think about staying home with us," Blair smiled taking a seat beside Nicky who was drawing what seemed to be a family portrait with crayons. Dan leaned over with his hand on Nicky's head.

"Hey,...you know what?" he asked.

"What?" Nicky looked up.

"This Y, should go this way..." he picked up another crayon off the table and drew her an example.

"Oh!" Nicky realized she was doing it wrong. "I didn't actually mean to do that..." Dan laughed at her use of the "big" word and smiled over at Blair who looked appreciative and mouthed 'thank-you'

"Look at that!...I didn't even notice..." Blair smiled at Dan who leaned over and kissed her gently. Blair grabbed hold of his jacket and pulled him in for a better kiss.

"Okay I have to go," he pulled her hands off his jacket.

"Please..." she asked politely. Dan ignored her and headed for the door after grabbing his keys.

"Don't,..." she got up and followed him to the elevator.

"I have to,"

"No, you don't. No one is making you write this," At this moment Nicky forced herself in the middle of Dan and Blair and lifted her hands in the air. Dan picked her up absentmindedly.

"Don't go," she laid her head on his shoulder picking up on her mother's severity about him leaving.

"I'll be right back. Three hours tops. I'll come home and put my pyjamas on okay?" he rested his forehead on Nicky's.

"...Okay" she nodded slowly.

"I gotta go," Dan checked his watch and handed her over to Blair after giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Please, think about it,...ok?" Blair stared as she held on to her six year-old.

"I've thought about it. I want it" she didn't say anything else as Dan got into the elevator.

"Would you like some more tea Miss Humphrey?" Blair placed her on the counter once she lost the battle and Dan was gone.

"Yes please mummy!" she held out her small tea cup and Blair filled it with orange juice.

"Why don't we,...have our _tea_, then get ready and feed the ducks?" she took a sip of her English Breakfast.

"Okay!" Nicky smiled. "Can we go to Tiffany's too?" Blair smiled widely at her tiny voice.

"We were just there last week, my my, I have a little magpie on my hands,..."

"Please?"

"Oh, I think we can fit it in," she kissed her cheek.

**XOXOX**

Dan walked up over the hill with his hands stuffed into his coat. Blair and Nicky were both in houndstooth jackets with red berets. He laughed at the sight of them dressed identically. Blair was telling Nicky not to touch the ducks as she tried to pet them. "Go away,..." Blair shooed a duck that was hogging all the bread. She looked over to see Dan standing there watching them.

"So?" she trotted over with a smile leaving Nicky with the huge bag of bread.

"I got it," he said simply, Blair's smile faded in an instant.

"You did?" she asked carefully.

"Yeah..." he laughed a little.

"Is this about money?" she said out of nowhere.

"What?" he blinked at her bluntness. "WHAT?" he asked again at a louder volume showing her how off base she was.

"You know what i'm talking about. Are you trying to prove something to me?"

"Of course not, I want to write this because I want to show people i'm not some Nicholas Sparks wannabe"

"No one thinks that of you"

"What are you upset about? I just got a book deal. A commissioned piece that five other guys wanted to write...why can't you be happy about that?"

"I just know what happens when you take on more than you can chew,..."

"I never thought my wife would be the one person that doubts me"

"I don't doubt you. I know this means another six months of you locking yourself in your office. I'm not very fond of the Dan that talks to himself and stops talking mid conversation because he got an idea..."

"...I'm not going to let that happen again. I'm going to write at the office and when I come home, no writing...I promise" he grabbed her hands.

"Oh god you're never going to come home" she teased with an eyeroll.

"Nine to five...promise!" he kissed her.

"And no weekends?" she pulled from his lips.

"Nope. I will be at your service on weekends"

"Okay" she smiled before pressing another kiss on him.

"LOOK!" Nicky shouted, Dan and Blair looked over to see their daughter petting the head of a duck. "He's letting me pet him!" she was so excited.

"Oh no,...sweetie no. don't touch him. He's bound to be covered in filth..." Dan laughed as she went over and told her they had to go home and wash her hands before they could go for lunch. "Don't touch anything else, please" she warned her holding tightly to her wrist.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**I hope this wasn't confusing. The past and present stuff is starting to mingle. I think in the next chapter you might start to catch on. Just to be clear I'm starting to write the DB problems in the flashback at the bottom. So there is them just getting together in the first flashback but then there's the start of their problems in the second flashback. Dan didn't lock himself up in his office, that is not why they're divorced. Thanks for reading please review! I've been a little busy lately but I'm going to address all reviews this time I promise! -FQ**


	4. Must Have Been Love

**A/N:** Hey guys! I'm sorry I take forever to update! I'm very committed to this story I just have issues finding the time for something so elaborate. I'm a stickler for continuity and the webs I weave are complicated. I know I put it on myself when I write a multi chapter fic that includes flashbacks and mysteries but please bear with me. This chapter is a complete flashback. The reason I did this was because I felt like I needed to put out a happy chapter that shows them in the beginning stages of their relationship. _Especially after the finale_. I just want to anchor myself and this is the best way to do it. Keep in mind there are important points made in this chapter that do infer foreshadows. I made headings for different scenes in their relationship. Thanks to Ivorykeys and Sara for their patience and help, I love you XOXOX. **ENjOY,** Dan and Blair before Nicky :D this chapter is rated **M.**

Some feedback to my previous reviews:

**horchata:** You'll see how their divorce unfolds. I'm laying groundwork and hopefully will be updating much faster now that i'm out of school.

**gossipgirl111:** I'm not stopping. Promise. I appreciate that you're letting me take my sweet time but once inawhile it's good for reviews that kick me in the butt :P

**sarabrowncolorado:** You adore my story? I adore you!

**Magnus57:** I'm glad it's not confusing. Now I just have to worry about if it holds people's attentions.

**maggie3325:** I'm glad you change your mind about what happened. I'm not sure anyone will guess it. Like I said before it could be considered OOC and I might get some mean reviews after I upload that chapter.

**slowpokesheep:** I hope I can continue to pull you in! I'm trying my darnest! I have a lot planned and it just has to take time for my mind to place everything in the right order.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**(IT MUST HAVE BEEN LOVE)**

BY: ROXETTE

FROM: _PRETTY WOMAN_

_'Pretty Woman' was a movie Dan and I watched snuggled up in his bed. We really put that tv to use in our first month of dating. I thought i'd have to talk Dan into watching 'Pretty Woman' with me but he actually had no objections and ended up enjoying it. I'm not sure what's more shocking, Dan liking "Pretty Woman" or Nate's love for 'The Sound of Music'. 8 out of 10 because let's face it,... it's 'Pretty Woman' * -Blair_

* In our first two months of dating, significant changes were made in our lives. I became Serena's number one enemy. I emailed her on several occasions and received half hearted replies. Dan and I reached out to her at least three times. We didn't want our friendship with her to end. Still caring for her a great deal, we felt it was important that we make the effort to keep in touch with her. The day Dan and I decided that she wasn't worth it was the day she spammed my computer with the story Dan wrote about her. '10-08-05', was a short story that detailed the very moment Dan fell in love with my best-friend in high-school. I deleted the spammed emails after Dan told me to ignore her and pretend like it never happened. After the fourth day of constant spamming I decided to bring out old Blair. I'm not proud of myself. I know it was not necessary but she infuriated me. I sent Serena a pretty heavy email that included a scanned note Dan left on the pillow from our one month anniversary. Behind all the profanity of her next email, she basically told me that I was an idiot for choosing a guy over our friendship and that Dan was going to leave me the second he found another muse. At the end she pleaded with me, explaining that I was brainwashed. After reading I felt terrible for my ex best-friend who was adamant that we could not remain friends if I dated "her" Dan. However, breaking up wasn't even close to being an option for Dan and I. We were not breaking up so I could go back to my unstable and often tense relationship with Serena. I made my move and she made hers. * -_Blair_

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**TWO WEEKS IN**

Over the last two weeks, the new couple fell into a comfortable pattern. Blair practically lived at Dan and Nate's apartment now, even went as far to add portions of her wardrobe to Dan's oversized closet every few days. The more it filled the more secure Dan felt with Blair's eventual decision to move in with him. He tried not to push her to make such a drastic move but every now and then he'd hint at his desire for her to move her entire life into his apartment. It wasn't much more than a week into the relationship when Dan ran the idea past Nate. After a little confusion about where she was going to sleep, Nate realized Dan and Blair were much more serious than he originally thought. Once man-bangs learned that Blair would not be taking over his balcony or bedroom Nate seemed completely excited about living with both his best-friends. Blair was much more skeptical of this idea. There was only one way Dan knew Blair was hesitant about moving. Blair kept her very best heels at her mother's penthouse and would give poor excuses why she didn't give them a permanent home at Dan's apartment. The sheer volume of quality heels was her usual excuse for why she wasn't ready to bring them over, but Dan knew it was more than the time it would take to bring them over. He didn't blame her. He knew it was a big change that she wasn't quite ready to make. Still, when she used the excuse that she needed to go "home" because she needed a good pair of shoes Dan rolled his eyes. Often Dorota would find herself at Dan and Nate's, following Blair around as usual and taking on certain tasks Dan decidedly found unnecessary, his laundry for example. Nate was often MIA during the day. But if he wasn't taking another leisure holiday to escape his already leisure filled life, staying at a woman's house overnight or attending a mandatory family affair, he was usually found sitting on the couch in the living-room playing xbox which put him in position as the butt of all jokes. Dan and Blair's busy lives continued to move around Nate as he remained jobless and without goals. Blair moved up at Cosmopolitan so quickly she found herself in stressful situations which seemed to give her the permission to take it all out on Nate. Dan continued writing and seemed to have a job interview every few days that only ended in disappointment. Blair found ways to take Dan's mind off his failed attempts at employment, but during the course of these activities she'd find herself forgetting the initial motive of pleasuring him and not herself.

It was quite possible Dan received more head in the beginning stages of his relationship with Blair than he had his entire life. It wasn't until Blair that he truly recognized the utility of the term 'fellatio'. It wasn't just a blow-job, it wasn't just head, it was like a mind numbing art-form that she had doctorate in. For once in his life he felt as though this was worthy of the latin word that sounded just as esteemed as the act performed. The dirty connotation of the activity seemed to melt away when Blair was focused on this part of him. He was appreciative, probably much more so than anyone else privileged enough to experience her hidden skill. What he noticed was that she didn't do it because she wanted the favour returned like some women he had been with, _ahem_ Vanessa. It wasn't more of a self satisfaction; she didn't fish for compliments afterwards either _ahem_ Serena. Blair gave Dan pleasure because she wanted him to feel good. She took great pride in her talent that made Dan lose his wits. That stoic and calm man that rendered her legs into jelly when they were kissing, could be taken to the same level when she lowered her mouth and offered a different kind of kiss. For a guy that usually didn't make more than a throaty grunt during sex he was moved to real audible moans when her lips surrounded him. Her eyes would look up at him and smile with their twinkle alone. "_so beautiful_.." he touched her cheek lightly. "you're only saying that because I'm in a flattering position," she smirked before going back to her worship of his manhood. She stuck her tongue out completely flat then licked him slowly but with hard pressure. Her hand then wrapped around his shaft and jerked him as her tongue now encircled the tip of his dick. "mmmm..." he played with some of the loose curls in her hair. Blair picked up her pace a little catching him off guard. He bit his lip but continued to watch her as she squeezed and sucked. His eyes would roll back if he wasn't so mesmerized by her lips. Dan loved Blair's lips more than any other physical feature she possessed. He loved kissing her lips, he loved watching them, he loved when they pouted and when they smiled, he especially loved watching her eat. "Blair..." he trailed off with a gulp. He was breathing heavily now and she smiled devilishly as he tensed up in her hand. "Oh Blair..." he panted as he came. Blair loved this part. She collected all of what he had to offer on her tongue then smacked her lips together before swallowing and smiling with satisfaction. Blair Waldorf was a goddess and goddesses deserved worship. Dan thanked Blair which made her uncomfortable. The moment of heated passion soon felt like an after-school special.

"Would you stop with the...," she signified his hyper verbal tendencies by opening and closing her hand. "I know you're appreciative, trust me," she snuggled up with him.

"But I..." he began.

"Nuh uh...no talking," she kissed along the side of his face. Dan nodded to show he understood that she was tired of his constant babble. Instead of saying another word Dan kissed Blair's shoulder, then on the collar bone, then her breast, stomach, hip, thigh, inner thigh. "What are you doing?" she didn't exactly sound as seductive as before, she actually sounded authoritative and slightly alarmed. "Dan, it's ok..." she ran her hand over his hair in a loving way. "I don't need to be paid back," she laughed at his pursuit. "Dan, seriously..." she felt her whole body tense up as he got closer.

"_Why don't you take a piece of your own advice and stop talking_," he said in a gruff but near whisper while he planted an open mouth kiss on her inner thigh. His voice was so sexy and alluring, Blair shut up immediately. Dan never talked to her in that manner before. Paired with that little growl she was becoming increasingly fond of, she relaxed her head on the pillow. Thigh, inner thigh, other inner thigh,then ...OH DAAANNNN!

It wasn't uncommon for Nate and Blair to share an awkward breakfast where they would both pretend that Nate didn't hear anything he wish he hadn't. Even though his bedroom was down the hall and the rooms claimed to have nearly soundproof walls they were no match for Blair Waldorf when she was in a state of pleasure. For the most part Dan was never one to make much noise, and for that, Nate was thankful. Once at 3am Nate very loudly yelled and told them to go to sleep which resulted in the first morning where Blair felt the need to address the situation.

"Good morning," Blair sat beside Nate at the table as he munched on a pop-tart, avoiding contact with the brunette.

"I'm sorry about last night..." she began offering a sheepish grin while tying her silk robe tighter. "But to be fair..." her eyes widened. "It's not like you had to get up early," she shrugged.

"No, don't worry about that..." he continued eating.

"I hope it doesn't make you too uncomfortable," she waited.

"No, it's fine," he offered a smile.

"It's not like you've never _heard me_..." she suddenly felt awkward and wished she could stuff the words back into her mouth.

"Oh, I don't believe i've ever heard anything like that," Blair gulped as Nate stood. Dan casually walked into the kitchen and held on to Blair's chair during this tense moment.

"As _your_ friend, I think you could do better and as Dan's friend..." Nate extended his hand to Dan's. "High-five,"

"Uh okay," Dan's hand smacked Nate's with a loud clap.

"I'll see you two later..." Nate rubbed his crumby hands on his pants before getting in the elevator.

"Did I deserve a high-five or...?" Dan was confused as he took Nate's abandoned seat.

"Yes,..." she moved into his lap. "You deserve a high-five, a round of applause and," she pressed a kiss to his cheek. "...a standing ovation"

"Still confused,...wanna tell me what that was about?..."

"No," she giggled pulling the newspaper towards her.

While their sex lives and living conditions evolved quite drastically, Dan had yet to meet Eleanor officially. Blair had attended a family dinner at the Humphreys where she found everyone to be incredibly nice to her. Too nice for everything she had done or said to Dan in the past. It became apparent that if Dan liked a girl his family welcomed that girl with open arms. Blair wasn't sure she hugged so many people in one night in her entire life. Usually being quite reserved around people she didn't know it was out of her comfort zone but if that was the only thing she had to deal with, he was perfectly fine with that. The Humphreys were big on hugging. Especially Dan's grandparents who just found Blair to be the most precious thing they had ever seen. At first Blair assumed Dan's nana Lucy was just trying to be nice. She stood corrected when it seemed as though Nana Lucy was never nice and always spoke what was on her mind, no matter how inappropriate or rude it might be. For this Blair had a great deal of respect for the woman she could only describe as a more obnoxious version of Serena's grandma CeCe. Lucy's hair was a fiery red that matched her loud but interesting personality. She started her insults by telling Jenny she looked like a racoon while finishing off her first of many glasses of wine. Dan agreed with Nana's opinion of Jenny's makeup but she didn't enjoy that too much. "What are you laughing at? You're the one that needs to shave off those god damn side burns...my god, who do you think you are?" Rufus laughed but shouldn't have, he noticed his mother looking at him sternly. "I really can't believe you made lasagne, you make such delicious dinners but tonight you choose to make lasagne?... I'm embarrassed poor Blair had to come to dinner when you cooked this..." she sighed heavily. Dan quipped that it would have been inappropriate to have waffles for dinner. Everyone laughed, including Blair who was starting to feel comfortable with everyone. Out of all her insults and judgement, Blair thrilled Nana for some unknown reason. Blair didn't know what she did to gain approval from such a judgemental woman but later on in the evening she overheard Nana express her distaste for Serena and her low cut shirts and hiked up skirts.

"I just never liked her!" she defended her opinion about Dan's previous, blonde girlfriend.

"I know, I know," Dan tried to settle her down while he washed and she dried.

"She was a floozy.."

"Nana! enough..."

"Why do you defend her? She left you! Probably for another man. I told you to never trust a woman wearing Lanvin perfume," she sighed loudly.

"She used to be Serena's best-friend..." Dan said in a near whisper hoping she would lighten up.

"My god,...Sometimes I think you live on a soap opera Daniel..."

"You and me both," he chuckled.

"Do you have like four friends between you?" she commented. Blair couldn't help but laugh from the other side of the door. It was true. Dan and Blair moved in the same circles and often it seemed as though they lacked friends other than Serena and Nate.

So how did this all happen with Blair?" she questioned while putting clean plates in the cupboard.

"I don't know," he smiled thinking. "We've been friends for over a year. Everything just clicks with her,"

"Well, I'm happy. You always deserved a girl that appreciates you," she leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Remember that Vanessa?"

"Yes, Nana..." Dan groaned while he was elbow deep in sink water.

"Hold on to Blair,"

"I'm trying to," he nodded.

"Trying to?" she questioned with raised eyebrows.

"I mean,...I don't forsee a break up happening anytime soon,"

"Those sound like marriage words..." she sung.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa,...It's been two weeks,"

"Yes, but you've been best-friends much longer which heightens everything. Oh goodness! I finally approve of a woman joining the Humphrey family. Promise me when you propose you'll give her my sapphire. None of your father's wives were worthy of my ring. Terrible women really..."

"OH-KAY!... Can we please remember that you're talking about my mother," he was shocked that his grandmother would just let things like that fly out of her mouth.

"Oh I can't lie. She is just awful..." Dan couldn't help but laugh that his grandmother was so outspoken.

"You like Blair though?" he cocked his head to the side.

"Are you kidding? I love her!," she smiled.

"Why?" Dan asked curious as what impression she gave them.

"What is there not to love? She's determined, she has goals, she's reserved but has a sense of humour. So far she seems to be classy and sophisticated. And she's just beautiful Daniel,"

"She is," Dan nodded.

"You love her don't you?," she waited.

"Well..."

"Daniel!," she said a little too loud.

"Shh!, I don't think we're at that level yet,"

"To say it or to feel it?"

"uhm,...I really really like her. But it's just not...I think it's too soon for that now"

"Oh for the love of god. You fell in love with Serena the moment you saw her,"

"I know but this is different. This wasn't love at first sight so yeah it might take a little longer before I feel the same kind of,..." he thought about how he should word it, "all encompassing love for her,"

"That's hog-wash, you were obsessed with Serena and that was about her man hypnotizing perfume and low cut shirts,"

"Okay...I get it you can stop throwing the other girls I dated under the bus now? You don't know anything about why I loved Serena so let's change the subject,"

"My god...you still love her?"

"No, no, no..." he groaned.

"Daniel..."

"No. No, I don't." he shook his head and let the sink drain watching the dish water swirl until the sink was completely empty.

"Serena would never get my sapphire,..." she deadpanned. Dan took a deep breath and stared straight at his grandmother.

"Blair wouldn't even want your sapphire," he said almost too stern. "Blair is an upper east snob, elitist with more jewelry than she knows what to do with. I don't think your sapphire ring is something she would get too excited about"

"Every woman in your father's life wanted that ring," Nana said before exiting the kitchen seeing that Blair was standing on the other side of the door, "hello sweets," Nana smiled hoping she didn't hear anything Dan said. "Are you ready for dessert honey? I promise my apple pie will be much better than Rufus' lasagne" she smiled ushering her to the dining-room.

"Blair is an upper east snob elitist?" she said under her breath when everyone had retired to Dan's grandparent's living-room. Dan turned to her shocked that she overheard that.

"Blair, I said that to get her to stop pushing her ring on you. You know I don't think that,"

"Yes, you do," she she inhaled lightly. "Because it's true," she smiled lightly and Dan suddenly felt a huge sense of relief wash over him. "But you're an intellectual snob," she reminded him. Dan laughed with a nod.

"I'll take it," he leaned in to kiss her. When he pulled back from their kiss Dan felt the need to address that other topic he and his grandmother were talking about. "Umm about that bit when she asked me if I..."

"I get it. I feel the same way," she got him to stop talking. "We've been together two weeks. The three words, eight letters haven't even crossed my mind at this point."

"I really like you," Dan bit his lip as a smile spread across his face.

"I really like you too Humphrey,"

**XOXOXOX**

**ONE MONTH IN,**

**Daisy, It has come to my attention we've been together exactly 30 days today. I was going to wake you up to see if you wanted to come get breakfast with me but you looked so peaceful and I didn't want to disturb you. I can't believe it's been a whole month already. Anyway, Happy one month beautiful. I hope we'll see many many more of these. I truly mean it when I say this is the best relationship i've ever been in. I feel completely satisfied with every facet of our relationship from the most complicated to the most basic. It's pretty great having a girlfriend who is also my best-friend. I wonder what I did to deserve that ****xoxo-DH**

Blair rolled on to her stomach and lifted the note off Dan's pillow. She examined his writing closely. There was something about the lines Dan made in pen. It was if he worshipped the written word not only for it's literary value but for it's aesthetic value as well. Whenever Blair edited for Dan she would much rather read his notebooks than his computer screen. Somehow even typed sheets didn't do his words justice. With a wide smile she rolled on to her back and held the note above her head to read it. Laughing lightly she noticed Dan rambled in his notes, she should have known. She also should have known why he bestowed the nickname, Daisy on her. But of course he would smile and say 'I'll tell you someday'

When she heard had arrived home, Blair's feet moved from the comfy carpet of Dan's bedroom to the chilly tile floor of the kitchen. "How did you sleep?" he smiled at her adoringly while emptying out the grocery bags.

"Oh you know, fine. But I woke up to find I was abandoned," she rolled her eyes playfully.

"I had to get up. We didn't have anything to make waffles with!" he said enthused.

"Right. We've been together thirty days have we?,"

"Not that i've been counting," he smiled earnestly as she walked over to him.

"I guess this means our anniversary is,..." she nearly blushed thinking back to the night where they finally consummated.

"Well, we could technically consider our anniversary the tenth but we did have a rocky start then. We might even have to consider ourselves on and off in that case," he crinkled his nose in distaste as her hands wrapped around his neck. "We'd have also missed our first anniversary if it took place on the tenth. That would be pretty sad no?"

"The twelfth is fine," she gave him an eskimo kiss.

"You better clear your schedule. I'm taking you on the best and longest date ever today," he pressed a kiss to her top lip.

"While that sounds lovely,...I have that meeting with head office," she sighed then pressed a chaste kiss on his lips.

"Okay then we'll work around it," he shrugged.

"No really,...I have to go in for noon and make sure everything is perfect for tonight. The pitch is at two and it could go pretty late," she felt terrible as she watched Dan's excitement for the day fade from his face as he took a seat at the table. "I'm sorry," her big brown eyes were wide and sympathetic.

"I thought you were doing that next week,"

"We were but they called and asked if we could present earlier so we're strapped for time and I need to get to the office in about two hours."

"It's a Saturday," Dan nearly laughed.

"I'm really sorry,"

"It's okay we can do it another day,"

"It's just that I didn't know. I wasn't keeping count on how many days since we,..." She felt awkward again and Dan cocked his head to the side.

"I'm not considering the first time we had sex as our anniversary, you know that right?"

"It was the twelfth,..." her forehead crinkled with what he meant.

"No. I mean,..." He smiled. "I'm counting from the time we decided that we were real and stopped joking about how we were going nowhere,...just so happens we had sex that night," he laughed.

"I have a couple hours before I have to meet Nina," Blair said before making herself comfortable on his lap. "Should we celebrate our one month with what we did last month?" she bit her lip impishly.

"Right here on this chair?," his eyes widened with mock surprise. "With the drapes drawn and hundreds of New Yorkers twenty storeys below us,..."

"And tourists!" she smiled widely.

"Not very discrete are we?" he held on to her hips as she straddled him.

"Mmm, not very adventurous are we?" she kissed his neck. Dan's eyes closed as she worked diligently at his belt. The second his belt was open, a ding came from the elevator. A boisterous voice followed, "Miss Blair!..." Dorota scurried in trying her best to make sure the fascinator she wore was not lopsided. Dan did his belt up and looked casual as Blair practically teleported into the seat across from him. "Sorry I late...I drop Ana off at school. Vanya sick. Come down with food poisoning,..." She huffed. "Told him not to eat leftover sandwich..." she sighed loudly.

"Don't worry about it," Dan comforted the maid which allowed for a glare from Blair.

"I have a list," Blair popped a grape into her mouth and pointed.

"You know I think I can handle the things on your list. You really don't need to get Dorota in here everyday,"

"You think you can handle my list?"

"I have a clear schedule. I think I can handle it," he laughed at her face that expressed her discredit for him.

"By all means," Blair shrugged. Dan stood from the table.

"Dorota,..." Blair heard him negotiate with her. "Everything will be fine. I'll do it all!," he promised. "Go home to Vanya," he practically pushed her out the door. After a quick breakfast Blair got showered and dressed to meet Nina for their big pitch.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

Hardly three hours later, Blair was calling Dan.

"Dan Humphrey, Blair Waldorf's temporary assistant," he laughed into the receiver wedged between his shoulder and ear as he searched through Blair's side of his closet.

"Dan..." her voice on the phone was urgent but disguised with a whisper.

"Hey," he smiled into the receiver. "How's your day going?, I'm actually zooming through this list. I just have one question. You need your blush dress dry cleaned...that's like _pink_ right?" he continued to push hangers to the side.

"I don't have time right now," she snapped. "...normally I'd call Dorota but you told her to take the day off..." she sounded irritated, anxious and worried.

"What's wrong," he picked up the dress and laid it over a chair.

"I need..., _tampons_..." she whispered into the phone, covering the receiver. She was positively mortified and embarrassed for even suggesting such a task for him.

"What kind?"

"Normally i'd be able to leave but we're holding the presentation in ten minutes and everyone has already arrived. It's times like these that I wish I still had minions...," she sighed.

"What kind?" Dan asked grabbing his wallet and heading to the elevator.

"Really? You're not freaked out?"

"Why would I be?" he asked.

When Dan arrived at the office Blair was shaking hands with people as they arrived for her presentation. Today would be the day where Nina and Blair would pitch their ideas to make changes to Cosmo. They needed to be backed up a hundred percent for it to become the classy, woman empowering magazine they hoped it could be. The trashy quizzes and stereotyped men would be abolished and they would rely on real women; powerful women, and men that didn't always look forward to the Superbowl.

Blair's eyes widened when she saw Dan was empty handed. "Hey,..." she looked around, nearly ready to panic.

"Top drawer of your desk," he gave her a sweet kiss on the cheek.

"You're a life saver," she sighed thankfully before he moved his way through the crowd of people. The second Blair had a chance to get away, she rushed to her desk and found exactly what she had requested on top of a few other items. A box of her favourite chocolates and a note that warmed her heart. On the small piece of paper attached to the box it read, **_She be but small, but she be fierce._**_ **Be you. Do what you do baby**_** -DH**

It was everything she needed to confidently go into this meeting. When the meeting was over Blair sat back at her desk and celebrated with Nina. Everyone loved them and their new ideas. The one thing the investors suggested was that Cosmo hire more men.

"We have Lint...I mean how much more testosterone do we need in this place?" Blair offered a content smile and relaxed into her chair.

"What about Dan?" Nina asked.

"What about him?" Blair cocked an eyebrow.

"He's looking for a job,...he's a writer. He's a man right?..." she laughed.

"Is he ever," Blair's eyes widened as she pulled a box of chocolates to show her friend.

"Bonus points tonight!" Nina was impressed.

"_He's so sweet_," Blair sighed opening the box. "It's our one month anniversary today," she crinkled her nose as if to ask if she was the worst girlfriend ever.

"What can you do?" Nina began to file her nails with her legs up on the desk. A light knock on the door turned Blair's attention to a tall woman who stoically walked over to Blair's desk.

"Judith, what can I do for you," she stood properly with her hands folded in front of her.

"You can clear out your desk," Judith said simply causing Blair's heart to skip a beat. "Everyone upstairs was talking about your dedication to this office, the way you keep your team focused when it's not even your job to be in charge,..." Blair swallowed hard knowing she was overbearing at times and often did undermine her boss to get things done. "I wanted to personally let you know that you've been given a promotion,"

"What?" she clasped her hands together. Nina's jaw dropped, her legs swung off the desk with shock.

"You remember Liz don't you?" Judith began. Blair turned her head to see Nina's expression which was frozen just waiting for the point when she would be able to celebrate.

"My boss,...yes" Blair was nearly shaking.

"Well she's been given an opportunity at another magazine,...we want you to take her place,"

"Really?" Blair had nothing left to say. She was unsure how it was at all possible to move up the line in a little over a month.

"Congratulations," she said warmly before exiting the office and leaving Nina and Blair to a screaming party. When they settled down Blair called Dan.

"Hello," he answered.

"Hey you!," she smiled into the phone trying to hold back her excitement. "What's wrong you sound strange?"

"Oh,...Simon and Shuster called me,..." he sighed. "How was your pitch?" he tried changing the subject.

"Fine," she answered without another word about her day. "What did they say to you?" she asked.

"They told me to apply again in five years when I have some experience..., how can I get experience when no one wants to hire me?" he sounded broken and at his wits end.

"It's okay," she said in a soothing voice. "Just keep working on your novel,...you have what a couple chapters written now right?..."

"Blair I don't know,...whatever," he sighed and put on his best 'over it' voice. "How did everything go with you and Nina?"

"...It went alright,.." She lied and looked over at Nina. "I'm going to be home soon and i'll make you forget all about it okay?," she smiled hoping that would make him feel better but sensed it didn't. She hung up and Nina starred at her before shaking her head back and fourth.

"You are NOT going home. We have to go out!"

"Nina,..." Blair pulled and tried to get her arm back. "He's been alone all day doing my errands I can't go out and celebrate with him at home upset,"

"You know what this sounds like,..."

"Don't say it,..." she warned her.

"It's like when you were with Chuck,..."

"Never say that again," she said sternly.

"How is it any different? you said that you put Chuck's sadness over your happiness. I called everyone from the office. You need to come out and celebrate with the girls and _Lint_," she squeezed her hands.

"He's at home waiting for me,..." she said.

"Do you want to resent Dan?"

"Never,"

"Then don't let him,"

"I don't know,..."

"Come out for a few hours then go home to him and support him. Don't regret that you missed out on being happy for yourself because you felt the need to support him,"

Blair pulled out her cellphone. "Hey,..." she inhaled lightly. "I'm going to be another few hours. Yeah i'll be home for dinner,...sounds good," she smiled into the phone and looked at Nina. "That felt so awful,"

"Are you kidding. What happened to queen B? You told me you used to be the best at lying," she was shocked.

"Not to Dan,"

Blair's remorse seemed to melt away as she and her colleagues celebrated by sliding more drinks across the table. Some even made a few remarks about how easy going Blair was when she wasn't running on a deadline or bossing them around. Luckily Blair was a cheap drunk and it didn't take much for her to get a buzz then sober up. It was about nine thirty when Blair was outside waiting for her cab. Nina leaned against the building puffing on a cigarette. "I wish they gave you the promotion," Blair smiled.

"Shut up," Nina rolled her eyes with a laugh.

"No really. Then I wouldn't feel so bad right now," she couldn't help herself from laughing.

"Well to be honest I'd hate being the person in charge so I couldn't be happier that you're my new boss"

"We're going to have to much fun Nina,"

"Yeah we are," she nodded. "I wish I could believe you though. You sound so depressed,"

"I feel bad for ditching him on our anniversary,"

"You said you were working late. Plus...I can't smell any liquor on you. You should be fine,"

When the cab arrived Blair asked if Nina wanted to catch a ride with her. Nina shook her head no and gestured over to a burly looking guy that Blair saw earlier when they were inside the bar. "Blair this is Gabe," Blair's eyes shifted from her friend to the blonde guy in a formal suit. If Blair loved anything about Nina it was her confidence, that and her total claim to being loose.

"Charmed..." Blair raised her eyebrows then pulled Nina into a hug. "So promiscuous,..."

"I know and I love it," she took a long drag of her cigarette and tossed it to the ground, crushing it with her sky high stiletto. They hugged before Blair got into her cab.

"Goodbye dahling!," they gave each-other side kisses.

When Blair walked in the apartment it was nearly pitch black except for the light glow of the tv from Dan's bedroom. When Dan heard the click of the light switch he rushed to the door to see Blair starring at the table set. "I'm sorry!" Blair shut the light off immediately knowing Dan had planned for her to walk in and see the table lit with candles. "It's okay," he chuckled as he went around and lit the tall candles in the centre of the table. "I was about to give up on you," he walked over and gave her a long, lingering kiss. "Please, sit," he pulled out a chair for her. "I hope you're hungry,"

"Starved," her eyes reflected the orange of the flame.

"We have a couple hours left and I thought we could celebrate this anniversary with how we used to spend our college days,..." Dan was interrupted with Blair's sharp voice.

"With romantic candlelit dinners?" she snorted. "Plus, isn't it too soon for you to be acting all nostalgic over the _old_ college days?" she scoffed lightly.

"...With spaghetti and heated debates," he stared at her while finishing his sentence that she abruptly interrupted with her babble. Blair smiled and Dan went to the kitchen to retrieve their supper.

"This better not be take out,..." she teased knowing it was homemade.

"I wouldn't dare," he smiled happy Blair was such a fan of the one thing he knew how to make. Over the course of the meal things got tense and to the point where they disagreed to such an extent that Dan called Blair 'impossible' and Blair told Dan that he infuriated her.

"Hear me out,..."

"No, you just talk in circles and make no sense,"

"You're being so closed minded it's actually,..."

"Do NOT call me close minded! I am dating a man with a metro card!,"

"Oh so that means you're totally opened minded because I have a metro card? I think the Upper east side apartment and Marc Jacobs wardrobe would trump the fact I own a metro card," he titled his head to the side and dropped his fork.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I lean to your side a little more than you lean to mine,"

"UHm..." she desperately tried to think of something.

"Owned," Dan had a smarmy look on his face.

"Okay then I guess you can take me out and i'll show you how open minded I can be,"

"Next week. You're on"

"Alright fine,"

"fine,"

"Now are you going to help me do these dishes?" he stood and waited for a response.

"What do you think?" Blair leaned back in her chair with an exhausted groan.

"I think the guy that completed a full list of errands, brought you emergency items and cooked dinner should get a little help cleaning up," he pulled on her hands until she was reluctantly standing.

"And while I do appreciate all those things,...I think we should entertain the idea of leaving them for Dorota,"

"Go, get out of here," Dan groaned pushing her in the direction of the living-room.

Dan found himself in the kitchen alone cleaning up while Blair slipped into bed and scrolled through the Netflix listings. It wasn't long before Dan made his way into the room and smiled at how comfy Blair looked in his bed. "You seem pretty comfy here," Dan crawled up on to the bed and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Why don't you think about moving in hmm?..." he kissed her shoulder.

"It's only been a month," Blair didn't pull her eyes away from the television secured to the wall in front of her. Dan kissed her shoulder gently and looked to the tv to see she watching 'The Philadelphia story', "Again?" he smiled.

"I love it," she said mesmerized by a large Katherine Hepburn projected on the wall mounted, flat screen. Their list of movies continued to grow until they were running out of options. New releases were often disposable and rarely left a lasting impression of the pretentious film snobs. Once in awhile they'd break their own rules and watch a classic. Implenting a new rule, they decided their favourites were only to be watched once every couple months. They broke the rule when they watched "Breakfast at Tiffanys" for the third time and "The Philadelphia Story" for the fifth.

"I don't understand how she could end up with Dexter at the end...clearly she should have ended up with Mike. Look at them!," she pointed at the screen. "Why write them like that if you're not going to follow through? How did the writers botch that up?"

"That's the big mystery," Dan shrugged. "I'd have to agree with you but the fans are divided. Some people wanted Tracey to be with Dexter and others wanted Mike"

"I just wanted Tracey to be happy," Blair yawned.

Dan kissed her forehead, "And you think she would be happy with Mike?" he whispered.

"I know she would be," Dan kissed her on the lips as she sunk into the pillows and attempted to find something else for them to watch.

"I think I let you choose too often. We should have at least one Thursday a month where I get to choose what we watch," his face was pressed close to hers as he attempted to get the remote out of her hand.

"Notting Hill?" she asked.

"Ugh that piece of work..."

"You liked Julia Roberts in 'Pretty Woman' "

"I also like James Franco in "127 hours". It doesn't mean "Pineapple Express" is worth watching ever again,"

"You usually love movies like this. Why aren't you into 'Notting Hill' ?"

"I hate Hugh Grant," Dan admitted causing Blair to giggle. It wasn't long before they both brushed their teeth side by side in the his and her sinks and decided to turn in for the night. Blair loved how he snuggled close to her when they slept, spooning like they used to when they were 'just friends'. The smell of Dan's fresh bedsheets were so comforting there was no other place she'd rather be than snuggled up with him.

"Dan?"

"Yeah?"

"I got a promotion today," she said weakly. There was a beat as Dan's hand ran up her arm slightly.

"_Congratulations_," he said softly. Blair turned to face him, she laid a hand on his cheek.

"I want you to apply to Cosmo," she stroked the side of his face with her thumb.

"Thanks but no thanks," he pulled her hands away, a slight chuckle masking his discomfort.

"C'mon Dan. It's a guaranteed job, you're not the only guy in the...,"

Dan interrupted her with a sharp inhale. "If it's a guaranteed job because _you're_ going to hire me...no thank-you," he turned away from her and got himself comfortable.

*Dan had applied to GQ, New York Times, Simon and Shuster and a few small publishing agencies after graduating. I applied to Vanity Fair, Vogue, W and Cosmopolitan. I wasn't exactly keen on working for a magazine like Cosmopolitan but I didn't really have many options when they were the only call-back I received. After I met Nina I realized how fun it was going to be to work there. I must have made a good impression because in a little over a month I already received a promotion and was in charge of an entire floor. This meant I was given special privileges. I got an assistant, I had more say, I also had some control of the hiring. Dan's aspirations were miles above Cosmo but I urged him to get working experience. He hated the idea of me hiring him and working at a magazine that's articles were little to be desired by his enormous intellect and esteemed education. I promised him that things were changing and that I wouldn't be working there if I didn't believe in great changes. This was going to be his stepping stone to becoming an author, and for me, well, this is where I wanted to be for now. I was ready to climb up the ladder in five inch stilettos. Nothing was standing in my way of success. It was Nina who eventually talked Dan into taking the leap * **_-Blair_**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Just as it should, it came as a surprise when a couple days later Nate threw Blair a surprise party. When Dan entered his apartment it became all the more clear. Nate was using her big promotion as an excuse to throw a party and invite as many tall super models he could cram into one room. Being that Dan didn't know anyone in his home he made his way through the crowd kindly nodding at the strangers.

"Pretty sweet right?" Nate handed Dan a cold bottle of beer covered in condensation.

"What is all this? I thought you wanted to do this for Blair," he looked around confused. The apartment was teaming with people that Dan had never seen before.

"I did," he winked at a blonde who passed by him with a coy smile.

"Awesome apartment," a girl complemented Nate who smiled widely.

"This is the best idea I ever had," Nate leaned against the wall.

"Blair is not going to like this at all. I don't know what you were thinki..." just then Blair walked into the apartment and Nate began with yelling surprise to which everyone followed in their loudest voices.

"What is this?" she laughed looking around. Dan rolled his eyes knowing she was not going to be impressed with the party Nate had thrown. These weren't her people, she'd have enough to do criticizing the band-aid dresses the women were wearing.

"Congrats on your new promotion!" he hugged her tightly.

"Well, thanks...," she looked around spotting very few people she knew.

"Congratulations Claire," a red-head woman passed by her. When Blair laid eyes on Nina she shook her head with a slight laugh. "Well I didn't expect to come home to this, thanks Nate" she smiled widely. Dan rolled his eyes before finding a quiet place. Sitting on Nate's balcony he couldn't help but feel like he should have been the person to throw the party, not Nate. Dan knew he would have thrown her a better party but he there was a part of him, a part he was semi-disgusted with, that really didn't feel like celebrating yet another achievement for Blair. Sighing, he wished he could snap his fingers and rid himself of the slight tinge of jealousy. It wasn't him; at least not usually. He was supportive, he was adoring...he was the guy who was not easily intimidated by successful women; most of the time. Yet there he was, mourning this achievement like the common bottom-feeder he usually sneered at. And he hated that he felt that way, but there it was; eating away at the joy he actually felt for her. God, he needed a drink.

"Shit, you scared me Humphrey," Nina walked on the balcony lighting a cigarette, to see Dan sitting in the corner staring down at the busy street.

"Cruella D'ville," Dan teased with a sigh. Nina wasn't exactly his favourite person in the world. They got off to the wrong foot upon their first meeting. She commented on his clothing which sent Dan off into judgement mode.

"Knock it off. Everyone knows that Dalmatian coats are tacky..." she smirked.

"Think I could,...?" Dan gestured to the pack of cigarettes sitting on the wrought iron table.

"You smoke?" she picked up the pack and handed them to him. Nina barely knew anything about Dan. Blair seemed to keep anything about their relationship very close to her heart for fear of jinxing them.

"Used to," he rested a cigarette on his bottom lip as Nina held her lighter up. Dan inhaled deeply before exhaling a cloud of blue smoke.

"I didn't realize," she looked quite surprised at the ease in which Dan smoked. It didn't suit his character but it was clear that he relaxed instantly.

"I had a little habit when I was in middle school," he explained. "My dad caught me,...I haven't had one since," he stared at the cigarette in his hand and was subsequently disgusted and proud of himself at the same time. "I was about thirteen and thought it would make me a better writer..." he laughed at himself.

"Still crave them obviously..."

"Whenever I watch Mad Men," Dan chuckled.

"Stressed about something?" Nina asked as Dan stood.

"No," he leaned on the banister. "I'm so proud of her,"

"Who said you weren't?" Nina's eyebrows lifted. Dan rubbed his forehead and smiled at Nina.

"I guess I just always wanted us to be equals and right now I feel like we may never achieve that,"

"Can't stand to let your woman be on top?" Nina rolled her eyes while lifting her cigarette back up to her lips.

"No, it's not that at all. It just makes me feel like i'm beneath her. And not in a way that makes me feel inferior but in a way that makes me not enough for her,"

"What do you mean?"

"She spends her days with very successful people. She runs in circles with men that are CEOs and run businesses. I get her dresses dry cleaned and send out her mail..."

"You know it's just temporary until you get some experience. She doesn't expect you to be her assistant, she wants you to be a primary editor,"

"I know that. I just guess I always wanted to get into a business on my own merit,"

"This would be a huge opportunity for you. You can say you edited for a major magazine,"

"I know,..." he sighed looking at the heavy traffic below them.

Dan took a deep drag and exhaled before Blair made her way outside. "There you are," she smiled. Dan held his hand behind him, hiding the cigarette. Nina distracted Blair quickly so he could toss it.

"I tried to convince him that he should come and work with us," she explained.

"And did you convince him?" she asked.

"I'll give it a shot," he nodded. Blair was completely shocked by his change in attitude.

"That's all I want," she hugged him. "As soon as you have a little experience you can go elsewhere,"

"I hope so," he laughed. Blair leaned in and kissed him tasting a little tobacco. Instead of saying anything she ignored it and made them come back inside to join the rest of the celebration.

Amoungst the party goers Blair couldn't feel more out of place. With snide remarks and a few classic Blair Waldorf death glares she made it through the night without calling the police. "Don't let the door hit you on the way out," she said as the very last person left the apartment. Now it was just, Dan, Nate and Nina. "It's way too early to call it a night," Nate commented as he watched Dan and Blair head towards their bedroom arms slung around one another's waist.

"It's two thirty," Dan spoke with absurdity in his voice. How could Nate possibly think it was too early to call it a night?

"He's right. It's way too early," Nina agreed with Nate for once in her life.

"Well, what do you want to do?" Blair yawned.

Ten minutes later the friends were comfortably sitting at the kitchen table playing a card game. Nate accused Dan of cheating everytime he got a good hand. Nina pestered Nate and questioned his intelligence. Dan was rather affectionate with Blair after the four of them polished off three bottles of wine. Blair was tired and kept yawning but that didn't stop her from joining in the loud, boisterous laughter that filled their apartment. Somehow the conversation turned to Dan asking Blair to move in with him for the hundreth time where she declined the offer to move the entirity of her clothes over there. Nate suggested they play 'Truth or Dare' which Nina seemed to get overly excited about. Blair picked truth and Nina asked her how she liked the party Nate threw. "I don't know what you were thinking..." she answered. "Thank for using me as an excuse to have a party I guess,"

"C'mon, That was totally for you!"

"I didn't know anyone here Nate!" she finished off the last bit of wine in her glass.

"Blair, it is your turn,"

"Dan are you nervous about starting at Cosmo?" she asked.

"No, I guess i'm more anxious,"

"Okay this is the worst game of truth or dare ever played," Nate smacked his hands on the table. "Remember when I dared Dan to do body shots off you? The second you guys started actually dating you got totally boring,"

"Oh shut up. Start coming up with better questions then. Dan and I have nothing to hide," without a second's worth of a pause Nina asked Blair a question.

"Blair, do you spit or swallow?" The complete non-chalance in her voice caught everyone off guard including Nate who lifted his hands in the air and clapped.

"Here we go!" He sat up straight waiting for Blair's answer. A blush passed over Blair's face from the wine before she laughed lightly and looked to Dan.

"I,...swallow," she smirked.

"Right on," Nate nodded.

"You didn't know that?" Nina asked Nate.

"Blair and I dated when we were really young. I could probably count the amount of times we had sex on my one hand,"

"Nina, would you ever consider dating Nate?" Dan asked Nina so they could change the subject.

"Ugh, did he put you up to that?..no. I need a little more substance..no offense"

"What do you love the most about Blair's looks?" Nina asked Dan.

Without hesitation or even looking at her, Dan answered with "her lips,"

"That was quick,"

"I know what I like," he smiled at her.

**XOXOOXOXOXOX**

The first day at the office was quite awkward for Dan. The morning started out fine. At 8 am, Dan and Blair got coffee together as she briefed him on what he should expect. She also gave him the redundant speech about how they must remain professional. She had been telling him this for days but believed he needed a refresher moments before entering the well designed office. Dan agreed with everything she said, he nodded absentmindedly knowing it was easier to go along with her then to question any of her rules. After her very serious talk she sent him to get to work early because he would make a good impression that way. Also, it would be a bad idea if they showed up at the same time. Dan was shown to his desk by Sara. She gave him the once over about the office and introduced him to everyone including Lint, the only other guy. Though Dan was doing everything just fine throughout the day Blair decided that she would give him a little extra "motivation", as she liked to call it, in order to keep everyone in the dark about their relationship outside the office. Dan knew what she was doing but he'd be lying if he said that her constantly being on his case was starting to make him feel uncomfortable. After her last comment about him slacking, Dan's jaw tightened. He had done nothing wrong and Blair was just taking the whole 'secret' thing a little too seriously.

"_Think you're taking this a little far?_," Dan said under his breath while passing by her in the hallway. Blair settled into her office and had Sara bring him in.

"Blair wants to see you in her office," Dan swallowed and looked over at Lint who became a quick friend.

"I wonder what that's about..." Dan dropped his pen.

"The key to her heart is compliance, as long as you play by her rules and follow her orders, you'll be fine," Dan eyed him carefully and suddenly had this strange urge to blurt out that he thinks he knows her a little better and he can keep the "advice" to himself. Dan bit his lip to prevent from saying anything he shouldn't and entered Blair's office. With the swag in his step you might think he was the boss, rather than her.

"You wanted to see me Miss Waldorf," he said before closing the door behind him. "I've never done anything like this before. I'm not going to lie, it's always been a fantasy of mine to..."

"What are you doing?" she yelled watching him unbutton his shirt.

"Oh this is a real meeting..." Dan sighed dropping into the chair facing her desk and buttoning up his shirt. "Question, what kind of a name is Lint?"

"It's his last name. His first name is Jason and we have three of them in the design department so it gets confusing at times," she said quickly. "I called you in here to talk about being professional in the office...we can't have anyone know yet because i'll be accused of nepotism and we'll have to disclose it to the rest of the office and it's just too much to deal with. So let's try and keep it professional okay?"

"Okay fine," he stood up. "Can I at least have a hug?" he asked walking towards her.

"Oh Humphreys and their hugs," she got up and gave him a friendly hug. Dan's hands dropped a little too low and gave her a good squeeze. "Okay I think you got your hug..._and then some,_" she rolled her eyes.

"Come on," he sensed her smile and leaned in for a kiss.

"You have work to do," she pushed him away before going over to a filing cabinet. Just before Dan exited the office he gave Blair a swift swat on the behind causing her to yelp lightly and attempt to mask a smile.

"Keep it up and i'll make you attend a sexual harassment seminar," she sung.

"Jesus Christ,..." Dan grumbled to himself sitting back at his desk and taking a deep breath. "What did I ever do to her?" Dan chuckled lightly when he noticed Lint focusing in on him.

"Don't worry about it," he said in a comforting tone. "You'll get used to her,"

Dan smirked with a nod. "I'm sure I will." Dan spun him himself in his chair, pen lid resting on the bottom of his lip. He was starting to notice the cigarette he bummed off Nina was a terrible idea. Not asking for another was turning into a daily battle and once inawhile he'd find himself chewing on pen lids.

"When you get used to her,...she's actually really cute," Lint said.

"Pardon me?" Dan's foot immediately stopped him from spinning in his chair. The pen was lowered and he stared at his new "friend"

"She's cute."

"Her?" Dan scoffed a little then rested his head on the back of his chair. "mm.." he couldn't help but smirk as his eyes rested on the ceiling.

Dan had finished editing three articles after his lunch with his new colleagues, sitting back in his chair he found there was nothing left to do for the last hour. He was playing with office supplies to keep himself occupied when Blair surfaced from her office and set her macbook on the printing counter. Blair opened a document when she was surprised with an IM that chimed loudly and popped up on the bottom of her screen._  
><em>

**'You know what I like about you?'** - Dan Humphrey.

Blair looked around the office, her eyes settled on Dan who was keeping a good poker face. **'Everything?'** -Blair Waldorf.

**'Besides that. Something physical'** - Dan Humphrey

**'My lips?'** -Blair Waldorf

**'Besides that'** Dan Humphrey

**'I give up'** Blair Waldorf

**'Your ass is out of this world in that skirt'** -Dan Humphrey

Blair pressed her lips together so she wouldn't smile. Instead of sending anything back she continued to stand with her back to him as she printed pages for the look-book. Purposely, she let her pen roll off the counter and she bent over to pick it up. Dan chuckled so loudly, Lint looked over confused. Dan acted natural and leaned back in his chair. When Blair stood she continued to move her hips side to side. Anything that would bring attention to that area of her body.

**'Do it again'** - Dan Humphrey.

Blair smirked impishly before setting her pen on the edge of the desk. "Are you done?" Sara approached catching Blair off guard.

"wHA?" Blair smacked the laptop closed with panic as the pen dropped to the floor.

"I said,...are you done?" she looked at her with bright eyes and confusion. Blair's eyes scanned the office and noticed Dan was typing diligently as if he was no part of their little IM chat.

"Um..." she swallowed. "Yes, go ahead. It's all yours" she approached Dan's desk quickly. "Can I please see you in my office?" she smiled at Lint hoping he wasn't going to catch on.

"Of course," he said standing and following her.

"Daniel, come on in...," she said through clenched teeth. "you better start acting like a professional!" she shut the door of her office.

"Or what?" he sat in the chair opposite to her and put his feet up on her desk.

"Dan,..no one can know," she walked over and shooed his feet.

"I'm not saying anything. I'm just a guy who happens to have a big crush on his boss. No harm in that"

"You're making this so hard for me,"

"That's what he said,"

"DAN!" she sighed loudly.

"Blair," Dan chuckled. "You are being ridiculous. I've done nothing wrong. I'm not even sure why you called me into the office this time. Sara didn't see anything. Besides, it's not like you weren't flirting back," a smug smile crept over his face.

"Get out of my office,"

"Make me," he growled. Blair's eyes stared straight at his lip as if something washed over her.

"Sit in this chair," Blair stood from behind her desk.

"What why?"

"Sit!" she demanded he sit in her chair.

"Okay,..." he plunked himself down, always one to obey. "Is this supposed to be some kind of exercise where I see what the office looks like from the point of view of the boss?...I'm not sure that's really going to..." Dan stopped talking and swallowed hard when Blair sat on his lap and pulled her shirt and bra down so her breasts were busting from the top and perfectly alligned with his face. He looked up at her his eyes blinded with lust, his breathing seemed to slow down.

"Well then..." she she blinked at Dan who was at a complete loss for words.

"Is this a trick?" he gulped keeping eye contact as her breast gently glided across his chin.

"No," she teased his hair lovingly and felt him tense up underneath her. "I thought you were a breast man Humphrey," she said in a impish voice.

"I am but i'm i'm...i'm a professional," he inhaled her perfume as she arched her back and pushed her breasts further into his face.

"You don't want them?" she pushed his face into her chest.

"No," he he took a deep breath and looked at the floor.

"Dan," she pulled his face up. "_Taste them_,"

She didn't have to tell him twice, Dan went straight for her nipple, taking it into his mouth and sucking hard causing Blair to arch her back and squeeze the back of his neck.

"_I can't believe you did that,_" she moaned dragging her bottom lip across his forehead. "_You're the worst employee ever,_" she sighed as he continued to swirl his tongue around her perky nipple. Blair was soon unbuckling Dan's pants as Dan's hand made it's way up her skirt. Blair's whole body was vibrating and in a state of constant arousal. There was something about the risk that made everything sexier. Her legs opened wider to give him better access and he swept her panties to the side so he could feel her. A familiar noise came from Blair, Dan only knew it was going to get louder if he continued so he held his hand across her mouth while he entered her. They were both wearing all their clothing. Not one piece of clothing other than Blair's tiny lace panties, had hit the floor during this office meeting. Blair's chair bounced as she rode him not thinking about anything but the release she wanted so badly. Dan steadied the chair so it would stop making bouncing noises by holding Blair closer to him. It took one more thrust and Blair was done with a shrill sound that was sure to turn into a scream.

"HSHT!," Dan warned her. She went straight for his shoulder and bit him to keep from making any noise. Dan came a moment later with fistfuls of her skirt in either hand.

"Oh my god..." Blair gasped for air as quietly as she could. Dan buttoned up her shirt as she came down from her high, "I think i'll keep you around," she said inbetween heavy breaths as Dan kissed all around her face. Blair stood reluctantly and fixed her skirt. Dan picked his pants up from around his knees and buckled them up making sure his white shirt was tucked in neatly and his tie was on straight. Blair stared at him trying to hold in her laughter. They just broke rule #1 on Blair's list. **Absolutely no fooling around while on the job or while in the office.** Blair was in such a relaxed state she layed back in her chair and spun herself gently from side to side. Dan was much more serious as he shrugged in his sport jacket to make sure it fell properly at the back.

"You look fine," Blair winked at him. Dan opened the door and looked back at her.

"I'll get right on this Miss Waldorf,"

When Dan dropped back into his desk chair Lint leaned over. "What was it about this time?"

"She's just a little stressed...I took some of her work load," he ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm actually not working on anything right now if you want to unload some of the burden on me,"

"You'd like that wouldn't you?" Dan leaned his head to the side. "I got her covered thanks,"

**XOXOXOX**

**TWO MONTHS IN,**

Blair pinpointed the exact moment she and Dan should enter her mother's apartment. They stood in the elevator and waited for a text from Dorota that let them know they could walk in and practically begin dinner immediately. Wasting no time at all they received the text and quickly sat themselves down at the table with Blair's three dads, Harold, Roman, Cyrus, her stepbrother, Aaron and his girlfriend, Laura. Eleanor made a comment about them being so late they missed appetisers and cocktails. The dinner started out just fine. Glasses and cutlery clinking together was the only sound as food was distributed around the table before baby cries coming from the monitor beside Aaron caused Blair to cringe, before Laura stood to excuse herself.

"It's so nice having a baby around," Eleanor mentioned with a smile to Cyrus who beamed proudly.

"Mm,.." Blair violently stabbed a fork into a roast potato when her mother looked over at her.

"Daniel, did you know that Blair doesn't want any children?" she asked looking up.

"Uh," he was confused at why she would bring up something like this. "she uh... she's expressed _that_," he felt awkward knowing Aaron was still sitting at the table. Blair shot her mother a look and shook her head back and fourth.

"Do you want to have children Daniel?" she smiled making Dan feel highly uncomfortable with the topic. If her goal was to make him nervous she was doing a great job.

"Well,...I..." he tugged on his ear gently. Was this a test? Did she want to know their precise method of birth control they were using? What exactly was this about?

"You don't have to answer that," Blair looked over at him.

"It's not that I don't like kids. I...I do," he nodded with a slight stutter. "I guess i'm more of the uncle type," he smiled and went back to his meal. Blair smiled with his good answer and went back to her food. After a beat of silence Dan decided to get some conversation going so this dinner, Blair insisted on, would feel less forced.

"So, Aaron are you still freelancing?, living the dream?" Dan asked.

"Uh a little. There just isn't the stability in freelance. We have a baby now so it's time to settle with a real job. I often shoot for weddings,"

"Speaking of weddings..." Cyrus sighed. Cyrus was trying to convince Aaron and Laura that they should get married but of course they refuse to carry on with the conversation. They expressed very throughly that they were not planning on getting married despite being very committed to one another.

"Really?" Blair looked up at Laura. "Never?" she couldn't fathom what Laura was saying. "As a little girl you never dreamt about a wedding?" she sipped on her water casually knowing as a little girl she was obsessed with becoming a bride one day.

"No not really," Laura confessed. "I guess I missed that phase growing up," she laughed lightly. "I always wanted to be a mom when I was a little girl. I always had dolls," she thought it was amusing that she and Blair were the opposite.

"How funny! Blair never liked dolls. Doesn't have a maternal bone in her body,..." She glanced over at her daughter.

"_I wonder where I got that from_," Blair said under her breath to Dan.

"Don't get me wrong. She had hundreds of dolls but they would just sit on shelves. Blair always had her nose in a book as a little girl,.." Dan leaned over and smiled at her knowing his dad would say the same thing about him.

"But the one thing i'll never forget was the wedding phase. Do you remember Harold?" Eleanor looked over at her ex husband.

"Oh I remember," she smiled adoringly at his daughter who was starting to feel uncomfortable.

"I remember a time when all you wanted to talk about was your marriage to Nate and how lavish it would be. I think you were nine..." she laughed heartily.

"_Wedding to Nate_,.." Dan looked over with a laugh he couldn't stifle.

"I was nine and obviously a little flighty," she smiled at his goofy expression.

"Flighty doesn't even begin to describe what you were. You were obsessed! Did you know that Blair wants to get married on the Empire State building at midnight?"

"I did not..." Dan laughed lightly looking at his plate.

"Mother..." Blair shot her a look. "I was nine,"

"I know darling but you were so precious. You had that scrapbook!," she laid her hand over her chest and laughed heartily. "Harold, do you remember the scrapbook?"

"Do you still have it Blair-Bear?" he asked with a warm smile that reminded Blair they were razzing her innocently. Her father would never embarrass her on purpose.

"I think so,.." she went back to her meal and everyone carried on.

"I remember her telling me she wanted fifty thousand guests...Dom 86' flowing from fountains..." Harold laughed.

"Fifty thousand...?" Dan nodded with a slight laugh.

"Who could afford that right?" Eleanor looked over at Dan.

"Mom..." Blair's eyes widened with distaste.

"Who has that kind of money?" Eleanor continued. "Am I right?" she looked around the table.

"I'm not sure," Dan answered the best he could pretending he was completely unphased by the topic. "Donald Trump?, Prince of Dubai?..." everyone laughed lightly.

"Or you know...Chuck Bass," her lip pursed to the side.

"MOTHER!" Blair yelled loudly which caused the baby to cry from the other room.

"For god sakes Blair," Eleanor sighed. Laura got up from the table to get the baby. "To be honest I don't miss the crying..." she began to drink from her wine glass but noticed it was empty and Dorota was nowhere to be found.

"Daniel, would you be a dear and fetch a bottle from the kitchen?"

"Mom..." Blair said through clenched teeth.

"Of course," Dan stood.

"Dan, please sit" Blair pleaded with her wide eyes and a tight grip on his wrist.

"Your mom asked me to do something Blair," he released her hand from his wrist and continued to the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" she asked her mother sternly, under her breath.

"What?" she laughed. "I can't have a little fun with this scheme of yours?" she scoffed looking around the table.

"What are you talking about?"

"You expect me to believe that you don't have any motives with him?" she said under her breath as everyone at the table continued eating.

"My motive was to invite my boyfriend to a family dinner," she spoke under her breath sternly. "I went to a lovely dinner at his grandparents house where everyone treated me with hospitality and welcomed me with open arms and you were just a witch,"

Cyrus took hold of Eleanor's hand when she looked around the table wondering if anyone else was offended by her behaviour. When she looked up, Dan had returned and placed the bottle on the table.

"Pour it darling," Eleanor smiled at him.

"_Mom,_..." Blair looked appalled.

Dan continued to do what Eleanor asked without being phased. "That's enough," Blair looked at her mom. "Stop Dan,..." she grabbed his arm. "We're going upstairs," she pulled from the table bringing Dan with her. Dan was kind of confused but followed Blair as she pulled on his arm as they walked up the steps.

"You know I was kind of hungry..." Dan chuckled gesturing to the bottom of the stairs when they were at the top.

"We'll go out and get something. Anything is better than staying here," she sighed heavily looking through her closet for a coat.

"Where is this scrapbook?" Dan asked looking around. Blair pointed at a shelf still confused at what just happened downstairs.

"I'm so embarrassed,..." she plunked down on the bottom of her bed just as Dan opened the old book from her childhood.

"Why?, it's adorable," he laughed flipping the pages.

"No, I can't believe my mother treated you like that," she continued as he sat beside her and continued looking through the book.

"Blair, I filled a couple wine glasses..." he shrugged. "I would have done that at home, it's really not a big deal" he kept flipping.

"It doesn't matter. She treated you like help. Not to mention the unforeseen mention of Chuck..." she covered her face with her hands.

"Like i said,...it's fine. Really" he nudged her. "You know people have treated me much worse than your mother just did. I mean you used to say you needed a tetanus shot to sit beside me" Blair's lips curled at the edges. "You called me 'gross' once,...I've had worse," she giggled lightly through her sulk.

"Come on," he pulled her into a warm hug and rubbed her back gently. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm not concerned if you family doesn't like me...just as long as you like me"

"I like you" she nodded up at him.

"Good" he leaned down to kiss her. "Sorry this is hilarious,..." he pulled his lips off hers and pointed at some of the wedding venues. "I think it would be wise for us to change some things when _we_ get married,.." he teased. Blair smiled lightly at what he said but didn't want the moment to dwell.

"Why don't you put that down and we can do something more fun..."

"What would be more fun then this?" he asked quizzically.

"Oh I don't know..." she leaned over and pressed a kiss to his neck. Dan seemed more interested in the book as he continued flipping.

"Cyndi Lauper? you want Cyndi Lauper at your wedding?"

"What part of nine years-old do you not understand?" she attempted to rip it from his hands.

"Hey!" he continued to flip until he got to the last page. Dan stopped smiling now when he noticed a sketch for a dress and a snipped photo from a hair-style magazine.

"That's..." she swallowed when she noticed he saw a picture of her and Chuck and realized it wasn't all so old. She had updated this book less than two years ago. "That was just for fun..."

"It's cute," Dan smiled.

"Okay now i'm really embarrassed," she covered her eyes.

"Come on! You're cute!," he promised her while putting his hand on the small of her back and kissing her cheek.

"I forgot I did all that..." she trailed off.

"You know what my favourite part is?...That you want Chuck to wear purple..." he laughed.

"Okay!" she grabbed it out of his hand.

"Give it back!...It was getting good!" he laughed.

"Nope," she backed up on the bed and Dan climbed up with her pushing her against the pillows. They began kissing and the book managed to slip off the bed, causing a thump. Blair was in a fit of giggles as Dan pinned her against the bed. With several kisses Dan pressed on her cheeks and made sound effects, "om nom nom nom," he kept kissing. Blair burst into laugher and couldn't stop. Dan was about to kiss her on the lips when a voice caught their attention.

"Blair, can I talk to you?" Eleanor knocked on the door and walked in carefully, causing Dan and Blair part shyly.

"I'll uh,..go out..there," Dan left them alone to talk.

"How could you..." Blair began when she was face to face with her mother.

"I didn't realize..."

"Realize what?...That I actually like him?"

"I didn't know that you..."

"I told you!"

"Blair can you blame me? I've spent years hearing you claim to hate that boy. He used to be Serena's boyfriend. What else was I supposed to assume?"

"Can we just finish dinner?"

"I'm sorry," she told her daughter.

"Don't apologize to_ me_." She slid off her bed and proceeded to regain her spot at the dining-room table.

When Blair and Eleanor went back to the table Dan was already back in his seat engaged in the conversation between Blair's other family members.

"Can we start over?" Eleanor asked Dan once she regained her position at the head of the table.

"No need," he smiled. "I thought everything was just fine earlier,"

"Well, I need to apologize," she said genuinely. Dan just nodded knowing this is what Blair wanted.

"So Daniel, what is it that you do?" Roman asked.

"Oh,.." he put his wine glass down. "I actually work with Blair now," he smiled looking over at her. "So basically she bosses me around," Blair scoffed at him playfully.

"Sounds like a dream job," Harold laughed lightly. Dan swallowed the wine in his mouth with a laugh.

"Fulfilling," he answered seriously causing Blair to smile adoringly.

"So you and Blair have the same aspirations then?"

"I uh,..I'm a writer." Dan cleared his throat at this moment feeling Blair's foot tease his pant leg. "I actually want to get into publishing but this is a good stepping stone. I write little articles and do my fair share of editing. When i'm not doing that I run around for Blair and act as an assistant of sorts" he explained.

"I hope she's not too hard on you," Roman made an innocent comment but paired with Blair's foot running up his pant leg it was damn near inappropriate.

"Nothing I can't handle," he lifted his wine glass off the table and smiled at her. Eleanor couldn't help but smile at them in this moment. If this was a scheme then Blair was a better actress than she thought.

After dinner, Aaron and Laura decided they should go before the storm outside got any worse. "No dessert?" Cyrus commented.

"No, we're fine. Thanks though,"

"Really you should stay," Cyrus warned Aaron and Laura about the rain storm.

"We're a block away dad, it's fine." He promised his father.

As Laura and Aaron were getting ready to leave, baby Liam was passed around to all his relatives. Dan and Harold discussed Yale with pride, Eleanor and Roman gushed over the baby while Blair stood with her arms crossed as Dorota handed out coats to the new parents. Being that the baby was only eight weeks old, Blair declined holding him. "No, that's okay," she cooed lightly as he passed by her. "He's very,..._cute_ and well tempered," Blair said. It came off almost robotic making Dan chuckle as if she rehearsed it. Eleanor gestured to Dan while she had the baby in her arms. Blair nearly laughed out loud at her mother's suggestion knowing Dan would decline the offer. But he didn't. With great finesse he took the baby from Eleanor and held him, supporting his head without needing the briefing that Blair would require. Blair was shocked to say the least as he bounced him lightly. She didn't know what to do, she stood by Dan and stroked the baby's head gently as everyone hugged each-other. Once they were gone Blair grabbed Dan's hand.

"I thought you said you didn't like kids," she blinked.

"I never said that," he cocked an eyebrow. "I said I don't want to have any myself," he explained. Blair sighed with relief. Blair's relief may have been premature for their very new relationship, but it was a comfort knowing that they were always on the same page. Blair opened the closet to retrieve their jackets when Eleanor put her hand on her hip.

"No, you're not going out in that,"

"Mother,..."

"You are _not_ leaving in that," she gestured to the window.

"You just let Aaron and Laura leave,"

"Are they my children? no. You're staying here,"

Dan shoved his hands in his pockets feeling uncomfortable. Blair was in a difficult situation right now. She either had to tell her mother she was living with Dan way before she wanted to, or she'd have to let Dan leave without her. All of which could be solved if Blair ignored her mother and left against her wishes. But she was trying to keep their relationship in a good place for the time being. It had been a good couple months with no issues and she knew something like this would just ruin everything they've been working towards.

"Really, mom...I think we'll be fine," she stared at her with intensity. Dan leaned over and caught Blair's attention.

"I'll just see you tomorrow," he went in closer for a 'goodbye' kiss when Eleanor scoffed.

"You're not going anywhere either,..now let's have coffee and dessert,"

"Daddy and Roman are staying in the guest room where is he supposed to stay?,"

"Blair,..." Eleanor practically rolled her eyes. "Unless you are allergic to sleeping in the same bed as Daniel you'll be a courteous host," she scoffed lightly. As Blair's mother turned and walked away Blair shrugged and went to join the rest of the family for dessert. Later that evening Blair and Dan said goodnight to Eleanor, Harold and Roman before retiring to her bedroom for the first time. Blair changed into well designed silk pajamas, then sat at her vanity mirror and carefully brushed her long hair. Looking into the mirror Blair watched as Dan stripped down to his usual bedtime attire of boxer briefs. The only difference now was the Joe Boxer and fruit of the loom brand had been upgraded to something Blair found more suitable; Calvin Klein. Dan soon found Blair's bed to be very comfortable. Completely fit for a queen but he'd be lying if he didn't wish they were at his apartment snuggled in his king size bed where they were allowed to do anything they wanted. An apartment where they could be as noisy as they wanted and only have to deal with a twenty one yearold stoner who had no where to be. Sheets that they could crumple, a tv that came equip with their netflix queue and the opportunity to walk around without clothing if they so desired. He had a feeling Blair might try and convince him that here it was no different but Dan knew that tonight would have to be a little light reading and actual sleep. For how frisky Blair seemed to be during dinner, Dan was surprised to find Blair get into bed, give him a chaste kiss then turn and settle into her pillow. After a few minutes in the dark, Blair rolled back over.

"Are you tired?"

"Not really," he confessed staring up at the ceiling.

"Magazine?"

"Sure," he would have said 'no thanks' if he knew Blair was going to hand him an old issue of Cosmo. "Yes, this is exactly what I want to read..." he said sarcastically while sitting up. "150 ways to rock your man's world in bed..., Really needed to know how to do this..." he sighed before flipping through with no real interest.

"It's not for entertainment. It's for work. Look through and point out everything wrong with it. I need a male's perspective," Blair was already high-lighting passages from her issue. Dan starred at her blankly. Sometimes this woman stunned him with her motivation. She was truly the most driven person he had ever met. While looking over at this self proclaimed perfectionist, Dan realized his pride for her was leaps and bounds over any girlfriend he had ever had.

"Are you going to stare at me or are you going to work?" she asked.

"Right!" Dan picked up a high-lighter and coloured in the face of the woman on the cover. Blair rolled her eyes when she looked over to see what he had done.

"I'm not joking around,"

"Neither am I," Dan said. "Real women, women with impressive achievments on their resumes. Not always a celebrity. At least twice every year the cover should feature someone real,"

"Like who?"

"Well for starters, you"

"Me?" her eyes were big.

"Yeah, and then maybe Nina,...possibly run through all the women in your office. Or maybe even do a group shoot one month,"

"What else?" she scooted closer to see if he had any other ideas.

"The man section needs to be written by a man," he tapped on the glossy page.

"Will you do it?"

"Why don't you ask Lint?"

"Why don't you and Lint work on it together?"

After a few more exchanges about the magazine. Dan found himself actually reading the articles and laughing. "I never knew this was funny,"

"I'm glad you're learning about what the magazine used to be so we can revamp it in the best way possible,"

"Blair?" Dan didn't look up from the magazine. "What if Vanity Fair called you?"

"I would jump," she smiled. "I'm very focused with this company right now but Vanity Fair would be my ultimate."

"I thought so" he nodded.

"I'm going to show everyone here what I can do and maybe in a few years I can make the jump"

Dan agreed that was her best plan of action before going back to the magazine that was surprisingly very interesting. The tips on how to please your man scared Dan a little and he kept pointing out things to Blair, "Please don't ever do that to me. I promise you it will not feel good. I will not like it, nor would I like to try it. No"

"Okay, okay," she laughed. "Not once?" she ran her hand along his forearm and smirked.

"No,...I'm not talking about this anymore," he tried not to laugh. They fell into a comfortable silence as they both read. Blair kept high-lighting while Dan was emerced in interesting articles targeted towards women.

"Think we should start using condoms?" Dan asked as he stumbled on to an article about birth control. An unnerving scoff came from Blair. "What?" he looked over.

"Why because you're worried i'm not punctual with my pill?" she didn't look up from her magazine. "Listen, i've been on it since I was seventeen. If something was going to happen, it would have," she flipped the page and kept reading.

Dan pursed his lips together. "Birth control doesn't protect you from other things,..."

Blair pulled her eyes away from her magazine in an instant and smacked it to the bed. "What are you saying Humphrey?" she turned to him, fiery eyes bore into his. Before Dan had a chance to say anything Blair was already speaking. "Are you concerned you're going to catch something from me?," Dan opened his mouth but Blair was still talking. "I'll have you know that I go to the health clinic regularly and no,...you won't catch anything," she sounded so mad Dan didn't know how he wanted to word what he said next.

"I didn't mean it like that," he turned on to his side. "I mean,...for your own sake too. Wouldn't you be at all concerned that you could get something from me?" Dan was alarmed to hear Blair let out a light giggle. "Why did you just laugh?"

"You?" she snorted.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," she shook her head and went back to her magazine.

"No, what are you giggling about?," he pulled the magazine from her face and Blair rolled her eyes. "For all you know I could,..."

"It would just be hard to believe that's all,"

"Why because I'm a serial monogamist?,...because I don't have Nate's swag and women don't want to sleep with me? What are you saying?" he looked offended as he sat straight up in her bed.

Blair burst into laughter, "Are trying to convince me that you _could_ contract an STD...do you realize how ridiculous this sounds?" a smile spread across Dan's face when he realized the absurdity. "Do you want me to believe you have an STD?"

"No,...you kind of made me seem lame..."

"I only laughed because I know how cautious you are it had nothing to do with your,.._swag_," she leaned over and kissed him. "But if you really want to I suppose we can implement a barrier method,..." her eyebrows went up. "I just don't see why if we're in a committed and trusting relationship, we both have been tested since we got out of our last relationships and i'm an excellent pill taker," she kissed him lightly while gently teasing his chest with her fingers. "But we can still use them,..."

"Oh god no," he deepened the kiss. "You take it at the same time everyday?"

"Oh so this really wasn't about STDS...," she sighed. "Every single day," she assured him there would be no babies in their future. "So you wanna..."

"Not in your mother's house," he shook his head causing Blair to pout.

"I'll be quiet," she kissed his neck hoping he'd change his mind.

"You are _never_ quiet," his eyes widened with her claim.

"I will be!, it'll be just like the office!"

"Oh when I had to cover your mouth? Go to sleep Daisy,"

"Tell me right now! why do you call me that?"

"I'll tell you someday. That someday is not today," he turned over.

*_The first time I brought Dan to my mother's for dinner was when Liam was born. Surely Dan would shy away from holding the week old baby, I stand corrected. That night I watched Dan walk across the marble floor of my mother's foyer holding the tiny bundle close and supporting his head with great ease, he didn't look scared at all. The thought of being responsible for a human being terrified me. It seemed like after that every Christmas there was a new Rose child and Dan had been there to see every one of them join our family. At the very same time the Waldorf-Rose family added it's first little Rose, we gained a Humphrey. There was something nice about my whole family being together over night. We all said goodnight and retired to our bedrooms. Dan was entering my world now, he was under my covers. In the morning I sat at the dining-room table with my mother and Roman while my father served us his specialty breakfast. Dan insisted that he help my father. I noticed Dan became much more comfortable in the presence of my parents and knew that events like these would not be an issue. My father and Dan could really get lost in conversation which made me proud. Dan became part of my family immediately_* **-Blair**

**XOXOXOXOX**

**A/N**: Now, I know it doesn't seem like much happened here but in the next chapter things should start to click. I'm not too happy with this chapter but i wanted to get these things out before the juicy stuff of the next chapter. The drama of my next one will hopefully be enjoyable. I'm showing you that Dan has really emerced himself in Blair's world. The next chapter is going to be Dan trying to bring Blair into his. It won't be such an easy transition. I'm sorry there was no Nicky but she will be ever present in the next chapter. As always if you have any questions feel free to ask me :) I'm going to answer any questions in my author's note next chapter. I appreciate everyone for reading and especially for reviewing. I hope to keep this story going over the hiatus (still not sure if i want to watch when it returns) to keep myself sane and possibly some of you :D **XOXOXOX-FQ**)


	5. I Would Do Anything For Love

**A/N:** This chapter has a few flashbacks from different moments. I decided to add flashbacks where they were needed rather than in consecutive order. I hope it's not too confusing. Just make sure you read the heading at the top after every break and you should be fine. If there are questions about this, ask me and i'll answer at the top of next chapter. I swear the holes will fill as the fic goes on, it just takes a little while to set some things up. PS. I was just thinking about my spelling of certain words so I felt that I should tell you that i'm Canadian and I will use Canadian spelling for most things. I'm sorry if it bothers anyone, I can't really help it. It's long. ENjOY! **-FQ**

**XOXOXOX**

**I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE (BUT I WON'T DO THAT)**

BY MEATLOAF

FROM:** THE VOW**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

_A couple months into dating, Dan discovered that he was melting into my world with more ease than I was melting into his. Over the next couple months of our relationship he attended countless high-brow functions. He carried my bags as I shopped so Dorota didn't have to, he paid for our dinners at some of the highest rated restaurants on the upper-east-side. Determined to keep us as separate entities though equals, he forced me to spend a day doing the things he liked to do, apparently that meant dragging me to the place I still loath to this day; Brooklyn. Before long I was thrust into a world completely foreign to me. Dan and I watched "The Vow" in a Brooklyn theatre on 'his' day. I gave the movie a 4 out of 10. Dan gave it a 2 out of 10 which wasn't a surprise from the amount of groans coming from the seat beside me. To be honest I didn't really want to see it myself, I just wanted to test Dan. For your information, he passed with flying colours **-Blair***_

**FLASHBACK**

"There is no way in hell," she stood with her arms crossed at the top of subway steps.

"I thought you wanted to experience new things," Dan said half way down the steps. With people ascending and descending on either side of him, he stared up at Blair with big pleading eyes.

"I _assumed_ that meant a Beuys exhibit or a new restaurant that opened on the Lower east side. I didn't actually think you were going to subject me to the underground world." She kept firm, her arms still crossed tightly across her chest.

"The underground world?" Dan laughed at her total ignorance to New York's most utilized form of transportation. "Blair it's the subway...thousands of people use it everyday,"

"Well, I won't be one of them!" she said with biting certainty.

"Blair!" Dan groaned as she began to walk away. "C'mon," he ran up the steps and pulled on her hands.

"Nooo!" she made such a fuss people around her began to look.

"Everything alright?" a man asked as Dan pulled on her arms.

"Oh yes, she's just being difficult right now"

"Difficult? We knew when we started this relationship that we were _not_ going to change each-other!" she dug her heels into the concrete of the sidewalk, determined to remain on New York's surface. "We work best this way. I'm the spoiled snob and you're the intellectual snob. This is our dynamic! stop trying to change me," her eyes wide with desperation.

"I'm not trying to change you! I'm trying to allow you to experience new things so you can have a more worldly view," he continued in his pursuit by pulling her down the steps.

Blair secured herself to the railing so he couldn't pull her any further. "I have a worldly view!...I've been to Europe and Dubai and..."

"Blair, you're touching the railing,..." Dan commented on her death grip of the probably filthy, metal railing.

"OH EW!" she lifted her hands immediately, Dan grabbed her waist pulling her forward down the stairs.

"One time!" he promised.

"I can't believe you're doing this to me,..." she whined wiping her hands on the back of his shirt.

"Blair let me remind you, I have Degas paintings all over my apartment..." he deadpanned.

"Then take them all down! I don't want to ride the subway..." she said severely while looking at the people around her.

"Please?...just once"

"...Why are you guilting me into this?"

"Because you guilt me into things everyday and i thought it might be fun to try it," he gave her puppy dog eyes.

"FINE!" she yelled. "It better be quick and you better never ask me to do this again. _Omigod_, It's so hot down here," she complained. As usual Dan laughed at her prissy attitude. Before long, he swiped his metro-card and let them on to the platform. The moment she took a seat beside Dan on the subway car, she wiped her hands with an antibacterial wet nap found deep in her purse. Just as the car began to move an older man stood with his trusty bible, with a cringe Dan anticipated the worst. Blair was really never going to forgive him after this. The self proclaimed evangelist claimed he was sent from God and was there to save them from their sins. All the other people on this subway car ignored their surroundings and read or typed on laptops, as if the man didn't exist. Blair couldn't ignore the man. She couldn't pretend he wasn't standing in front of her, continuously speaking bible verses and asking for contribution to his 'Hallelujahs". Dan looked over at Blair to see her at a complete loss for words.

"Hallelujah!," Dan said out of nowhere, causing Blair to scowl. "C'mon," Dan urged Blair to join in.

"No," she said under her breath seemingly uncomfortable.

"Do it!" he nudged her.

"No,..." her eyes fell to the floor.

"Blair, it's my day,..."

"I'm on the subway Dan..." she spoke through clenched teeth.

"HALLELUJAH!" The man yelled. Dan echoed him and Blair reluctantly let out a small 'Hallelujah' herself when Dan nudged her.

Soon, Dan, Blair and the strange man were yelling 'Hallelujah' at the top of their lungs. They found themselves laughing at the man who was getting so excited about their contribution. When they stepped on to the platform at their destination Blair's eyes were huge "what on earth was that?"

"Uhh, that was New York,"

"I've lived in New York City my entire life and I've never seen anything like that." She said.

"You've lived on the Upper East Side your entire life. You've seen about a tenth of what the city has to offer. I hope to change that today," he said with smug optimism.

"Well, now that i've done _that_, I never have to do it again," she held her head high proud of herself for trying something new and keeping her complaints to a minimum.

"Well, done," he leaned in and gave her a little peck on the cheek. "Now you may cross it off your bucket list,"

"That was highly presumptuous of you. It was never on my bucket list..." she scoffed.

"Phase 2 of 'my day'," Dan stopped and opened the door of a quaint bookstore, the kind that's only value was in it's rustic charm. Blair clasped her hands together for fear of touching anything. Dan greeted the shop-keeper warmly and Blair pretended she was thrilled to be there with a smile that was much too big. Dan went straight for the fiction section and began scouring the used bookstore like he was on a mission. For nearly ten minutes, Dan read endless book jackets while Blair stood near by hoping he would be done soon. Dan leaned against a sturdy book-shelf, reading the first couple pages of a book that must have perked his interest in it's book jacket. Blair attempted to find an area where the books weren't covered in dust. "So this is what you do?...We could go to Barnes and Noble, you know..." she brushed her hands free of dust. Dan gave her a side glare before going back to his book. "You're kind of out-dated you should get an e-reader,..." she suggested with a toothy smile.

"I like books," he spoke under his breath without looking up from the novel. "Okay i'm going to buy this," he stuffed it under his arm and pressed it against his chest. Blair seemed to cheer up before he continued fingering through the fiction section. "You going to get anything?" he asked.

"No," she crossed her arms looking around.

"They have a great classic section,"

"I could buy them at Barnes and Noble And they'd all look and smell better than all of these,"

"You've never read a used book before?" Dan stared at her. "Why am I asking you that? of course you haven't," he blinked.

"Why would I have to?" she smiled lightly, Dan didn't find it contagious. "Fine, I'll look," she saw no sign that Dan would ever be willing to give up his thrift shopping. She found herself carefully looking through some shelves careful not to touch anything with cob webs. Within a few minutes Dan had piled up about three or four novels he wanted to add to his collection. He was surprised to find Blair clutching an old copy of 'The Three Musketeers' and tilted his head to the side. "My dad used to read them to me when I was small. My mother cleaned out our apartment and got rid of them during the divorce," she explained while studying the cover.

"She threw them out?"

"Believe it or not, my mother actually attempted to trash everything that reminded her of my father,"

"Oh," he frowned. Blair smiled to let him know she was not upset.

"Well, if you want, there is a place for it on my book shelf," he leaned in and kissed her.

"Thank-you," she smiled before he took all the books to the cash including hers.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

In a crisp, white collared shirt and patterned tights, Nicky looked every bit prim and proper as she descended her grandmother's staircase. Stopping at the last step she rested her chin on the railing and watched Dorota scurry around Eleanor's apartment with trays of cookies and cakes. Blair clinked around in her heels making sure she didn't forget anything. Multitasking was one of her finest talents but today it proved more difficult than usual. Her cell-phone was ringing off the hook and people were asking her questions right, left and centre.

"This looks amazing," Nina commented the moment she made her entrance. Blair truly outdid herself. On every conceivable surface there were silver, ornate trays full of french macrons, scones, and other colourful pastries. The living-room had been transformed into a lush sitting area with over thirty chairs. Everywhere you looked there was a teapot or a teacup and saucer. The dining-room showcased some of Blair's finest and proudest work. For the first time in nearly three years Blair decided to hold a whimsical cookie decorating competition. Each seat at the table held a name plate for the young girls that were to arrive any moment. There were two large trays full of sugar cookies in various shapes and small ramekins full of nearly twenty different colours of icing.

"I'm so glad we chose to shoot this at my mother's," Blair said to Nina as she examined the foyer in it's usual splendour.

"I don't know. It still would have been better at the old apartment,..." Nina commented thinking about the apartment Dan and Blair owned together.

"Oh don't remind me of _my_ apartment," she closed her eyes.

"Too soon?"

"Always. I miss it everyday. I picked it out!...I convinced him to buy it!, selling it was the last thing I wanted to do, believe me..." Blair spun on her heels to see the photographer had arrived. She greeted him warmly and explained how she wanted the photos taken.

"How long have you had this idea?" he asked intrigued.

"Years. I've been throwing these parties for my daughter since she was four. I have no idea why it's my first time documenting it," Blair quickly asked if Nina would show him around the apartment while she turned to see Nicky still standing at the bottom step.

"Will you be putting your hair up sweets?" Blair asked seeing her waves cascading down her shoulders.

"If I must..." she sighed dramatically as she stepped down on to the marble floor. When she checked her appearance before heading down the stairs the assumed she looked fine, but Blair thought otherwise.

"Do you like the flowers? They look pretty don't they?" she pointed out the hydrangeas that were just brought in as she stroked her daughter's lengthy locks.

"I like them," she nodded happily. As the photographer and Nina joined them back in the foyer Blair got an excellent idea.

"Can you take a picture of my daughter and I? I'd love to hang one at my apartment but all the family portraits I have include the _ex husband._.." she smiled lightly.

"Absolutely. I can do that," he said.

"Perfect!" she smiled. "Honestly, like we need these around..." she lifted a framed photo of her, Nicky and Dan. Eleanor snuck up behind her daughter and pulled it from her hand setting it back on the piano.

"That is my favourite one!"

"It doesn't need to be here while i'm holding a photo-shoot...," she snatched it up, then walked to the other side of the room, throwing it in a drawer. "I'm going to put her hair up, we'll be down momentarily," Blair pulled Nicky up the stairs and into her old bedroom.

**XOXOXOXO**

**FLASHBACK**

After eating dinner at a questionable restaurant - by Blair's standards, they decided to see a movie. It took nearly thirty minutes of arguing until Blair won the battle and they were sitting in the theatre watching Blair's choice. Dan made snippy remarks for the rest of the night about it being 'his' day and having to watch her choice of movie. They walked hand in hand towards the subway, Blair took a deep breath preparing herself to ride it one last time when Dan hailed a cab. Blair squeezed his hand and leaned in to kiss him.

As they entered Dan's apartment they discussed the movie they had just finished watching. "What an awful movie," Blair collapsed on to a couch.

"Two out of ten," Dan said creeping up beside her since she had promised they would do something special to conclude 'his' day.

"I would have given it at least a four," she laughed lightly as he leaned in for a kiss.

Blair removed her uncomfortable shoes before she opened her laptop.

"Nuh Uh!" he tried to shut the lid.

"Just let me check..." she groaned.

"Get out of town," Dan nudged her on the couch and went straight for her skirt.

"Feet," Blair insisted placing her feet primly upon Dan's legs.

"I will oblige you if you take off these ," he pulled at her tights and go with a slight snapping sound of the elastic threads.

"I need to check, just let me check!" she held on to the laptop with a death grip.

"No, take these things off!"

"Calm down!" she giggled.

"I _will_ not," he said defiantly as he cupped her face, bringing it towards him.

"Dan, wait..." she moaned as he gave up the fight in kissing her lips and settled for her neck. "Give me a minute and i'll give you my undivided attention,..."

"Fine," he rested his chin on her shoulder as she opened the laptop.

"That's weird..." her forehead crinkled as she noticed an obscene number beside the email icon on her desktop screen.

"What?" Dan asked looking closer.

"I have a hundred emails in my inbox..." she shifted. "I just checked before we left,..how long have we been gone?"

"Long enough," he answered still working at removing her clothing. "Hey, do me a favour and stand..." he tugged on her tights.

"Will you calm down? let me check my email and then i'll strip for you,"

"Promise?" he asked. Blair rolled her eyes with a slight smirk.

"What if it's about that article that we submitted at the last minute..." she bit her lip with anticipation. "I know we shouldn't have rushed it!..." she clicked on the icon and suddenly realized her inbox was spammed with the same email over and over. She clicked to open the first file and found a typed out copy of Dan's short story '10-08-05', the one he wrote about Serena. "Wow..." Blair couldn't believe Serena would resort to such a childish move.

"I can't believe she would do that..." she shook her head feeling really hurt.

"I don't know why...," Dan said not too concerned, he dropped his lips on to Blair's shoulder and kissed her devotedly.

"Wow," Blair gulped. Her eyes starring at the screen. "What do I say to this?"

"You say nothing," he placed a kiss on her throat.

"I have to reply..." her eyes still fixed to the screen in front of her.

"Ignore her," Dan said massaging her shoulders.

"Dan, I can't...look at this..." Dan straightened up on the couch and moved his hands over the computer's keyboard, quickly deleting all the emails Serena had sent.

"All gone," he smirked and pressed a lingering kiss on Blair's lips.

"Mmm," Blair pushed into the kiss, suddenly not too concerned with the emails. "Wait,..." she pulled away to put the laptop on the coffee table and noticed a black, felt tip pen.

"Oh, well look at that..." Blair smiled as she extended her arm and picked up off the table.

"I thought we were done with markers," Dan groaned, resting his face against hers. Blair quickly pulled down her tights, hiked up her skirt and wrote Dan's initials on her hip and stood to show him.

"It's _your_ day. So here..." she smiled at Dan and showed him the D and H she wrote on her hip with the marker.

"How much did you have to drink at dinner?" He laughed.

"Why? Because i'm being nice to you?" she goosed him.

"No, because it's upside down.." he pointed with a chuckle. Dan pulled her hips towards him. He licked his thumb quickly before rubbing off the black ink. It was cold and she was surprised how gently he rubbed it off with his thumb.

"Give me that," he held out his hand for the black marker. Blair sucked in a breath as the marker glided over her hip. She looked down to see Dan holding her side with one hand to pull her skin taut and his left slowly drawing. His focus and attention had Blair smiling impishly. Dan's face was dangerously close to the part of her that tingled with desire. He kissed the skin above his letters when he was finished and moved back so she could see it. Blair rushed to Dan's bedroom and took a look in the mirror.

"Well that looks...not bad,"

"You wanna keep it there forever?" Dan asked standing behind her.

"Don't be crazy" she closed her eyes and felt his hands slowly run up and down her arms.

"I knew you'd never do it,"

"Neither will you" she teased him by walking away.

"I already told you. I'll do it, if you do it"

"Well, i'm not doing it..." she climbed up on the bed giving him a nice view of her behind.

"Ha! You think i'd do it?"

"Dan..." Blair said in a sultry voice that would perk his ears up if he was a dog.

"Yes Daisy,"

"Feet..." she made a slight whining sound as she held her foot in the air towards him. Dan shook his head and pushed air through his teeth.

"You know it's my day,..." he said.

"But they hurt so bad," she whined wiggling her toes in the air. Dan took a grip of her foot to stop it from moving. "I was so good today. I hardly judged anyone or whined," she kept wiggling despite his grip.

"That was the exact same thing you said to talk me into seeing a Channing Tatum movie..." he reminded her that she needed to get some new material.

"Please,"

"That's all I want," he smiled taking a seat on the bed. "You're lucky you have cute feet," he commented making her giggle. "Ever think about wearing flats?"

"AHhh! How dare you!"

**XOXOXOXOXO**

**PRESENT**

Nicky sat on Blair's lap to get her hair pulled into a stylish up-do. The colour of her locks was something Blair envied. Over the years, Blair had dyed her hair so many different colours for work she no longer knew what her natural hair colour was anymore. Once for a special article, Nina and Blair traded hair colours. For a week Nina pretended she was a warm, chocolate brunette and Blair pretended she was a cool, ashy blonde. The moment it was dyed she hated it. She could tell Dan hated it as well by the face he made when she finally unveiled the new Blair. It would always make her laugh when she remembered how thrilled Dan was when she dyed it back. It was like reuniting after years of being apart. After she dyed it back she was positive it was not quite the same colour but being brunette was good enough. She wasn't too sure what the original was anymore. Looking at Nicky's hair she was sure this was the colour, often she would bring her to the salon to match the hue.

"Are you almost done?" Nicky sighed, playing with the headbands and barrettes spread across the bed, as her mom continued.

"Just about," she moved her head to the side, then peppered her daughter with kisses all over the side of her face causing her to giggle and squirm in her lap. "There's that laugh," she beamed. "I was under the impression you were in a grumpy mood," she smooched her again causing Nicky to squirm again.

"I'm not grumpy," she said as Eleanor approached to let Blair know some guests had already arrived. She rested her hand on the door frame and smiled at Blair braiding small pieces of Nicky's hair. It was times like these that Eleanor found incredibly rewarding but also found herself plagued with jealousy. She and Blair never had that close of a relationship. Over the years she had witnessed moments like this between Blair and Dorota but never experienced them herself.

"Some of your guests have arrived. I just had Dorota bring them in," she spoke while peering into the bedroom at her favourite ladies.

"Alright, you're all set my love," Blair said, causing Nicky spring from her mom's lap and check her reflection in the nearest mirror. Her bangs with side swept with a french braid that continued into her high and lush ponytail. Nicky smiled happy that she looked just as prim and proper as her mother. Blair hurried to put on her newest pair of Louboutins.

"I like your shoes mommy," Nicky said looking down seeing Blair sitting courtly on a chaise lounge, slipping on her tan, platform pumps.

"You can have them once they fit you" she said lovingly . Nicky had a fascination with her mother. She wanted to do everything she did since was very small. Every thing she said would be repeated as a hard fact, every thing emulated in an effort to be just like her hero. Nate often found Nicky to be strange when she was around four and five years of age. She would play make-believe unlike any other child he had ever witnessed. There was definitely a time when she pretended she was a princess and Dan and Blair were her faithful servants but whenever she sat at the dining-room table playing 'office' with a stack of papers and a pretend cell-phone, Nate felt the need to tell Dan that his daughter was weird. "She's such a little weirdo", he would say. Blair loved how defensive and offended Dan was about this comment. Dan would explain that there was nothing weird about Nicky wanting to be like her mom.

"I don't think i'll ever be able to wear high heels," she said gazing down at the improbable height of them, then wiggled her toes covered by black patterned tights.

"Of course you will, you'll wear them everyday to Yale," Nicky smiled wide at her mom's confidence in her getting into Yale.

"You really think i'll get to go there?"

"If you want to go there,..." she smirked. "Don't see why not," she smiled and poked her on the nose.

"I'm just not sure i'll be able to wear them all day," Nicky smiled.

"The trick is, you have to find someone willing to give you foot massages everyday,"

"Everyday?"

"Every single day," Blair smiled. "Now are you ready for our tea party?" she straightened out her newest Jackie O dress.

"Of course!" she sprung up from the lounge, Blair ran a hand through her ponytail and twirled at the natural curls.

"Then let's go see to our guests!" she beamed before they walked hand and hand down the steps.

"I'm putting you in charge of the cookie decorating. It'll be like you having your very own tea party in the dining-room, sound fun?" she asked as the approached the bottom step.

"No help?" her eyes widened with excitement as they reached the marble floor.

"...Well," Blair tensed up. Giving up control was never easy for her.

"Please!...Please! I can do it all by myself!" she held her hands together eager to be in charge.

"This is for a photo-shoot...," Blair warned her that this wasn't just any tea party, this was serious business.

"I know I can do it," she looked up at her mom with big eager to work eyes. "Please!"

"Yes, absolutely! You're in charge of the dining-room."

"Je vais vous faire fière maman," she held her head high in a theatrical way.

"Je sais bébé," Blair replied. Nicky put her hands on her hips, tossed a smile over her shoulder and winked.

"What a kid," the photographer laughed. "What does she want to be when she grows up?" he asked curiously.

"A boss," Blair said simply with a proud smile.

It wasn't long before women and their daughters were coming out of the elevator. "Hi, hello, thanks for coming," she greeted people at the door with Nicky. The young girls ages 10 to 12 congregated at the dining room table. "Ladies in the living room, little ladies in the dining-room, " Blair instructed. When Blair looked around to see every one had arrived the elevator made one more ding and she rushed to greet the final guest. When she saw the blonde hair she dropped her gaze and moved away, and out of the foyer. A sick feeling started in her stomach but rushed to all her veins causing her face to become hot.

"Izzie!" Nicky saw her friend just a moment after Blair had seen Serena. Blair exhaled through her nose and tried to keep herself calm when she bumped into Nina in the living-room.

"Did I just see,...was that,.." Nina pointed in the direction of the elevator.

"Serena?, Mhmm..", Blair took a deep breath now. "Thank-god she realized she's not welcome here. I don't know what I would have said to her if she walked in..." she crossed her arms and stared at the elevator. "Do you think i'm being irrational?" she asked looking at Nicky who was bringing Izzie into the dining-room.

"No, honestly...no. You have all the reason in the world to be angry with her," she assured her friend.

"Even now?" Blair asked, shoulders slouching.

"I think you and Dan have reason to be angry with her until the end of time,"

"Dan isn't mad at her," she said simply, still visibly uncomfortable by the sight of her ex-friend.

"Well, I don't know about you but he definitely was at the time,...I could strangle her myself..." Nina stared at the elevator door thinking about how the sight of Serena brought back her defence.

"He hangs out with Nicky and her and her daughter," Blair said lightly.

"Really?"

"Yeah,..." she took another breath trying to push all the bad memories out of her thoughts so she could have a good time.

"Let's have a great time today?" Nina smiled.

"Yes!" Blair nodded before going to her guests.

"Mummy," Nicky rushed towards her mom after a few minutes.

"Yes, my love," she lowered her tea cup and placed it on the saucer.

"I think there has been a mistake, you only invited the girls from sixth grade," she looked confused.

"Is that a problem? I thought you were good friends with Izzie," her big doe eyes looked into her daughter's slightly, lighter brown ones.

"I am but,..." she swallowed looking around. "I don't really know the other girls,"

"Yes, I know sweets. But I was thinking..." she held her hand out. "Maybe if you get to know these girls you'll decide you actually do want to skip the grade. It's worth a try right?" she beamed.

"uhm I suppose yes," she saw her mom was happy so she nodded and decided she would give this her best shot.

"Why don't you go explain the rules of the cookie decorating contest okay?"

"Can you do it?" she asked.

"Me? I thought you wanted to be in charge Nicky Brianna..."

"I do. But,...can you just do it?"

Blair set her teacup down and swiftly entered the dining-room. Quickly she explained that each girl was to decorate as many cookies as they wanted but select five to be judged on appearance. "The person with the best decorated cookies is going to win that little blue box," Blair announced while pointing to the Tiffany and Co box sitting on a pristine, silver tray.

"What's in it?" one of them asked curious.

"I don't know,.." Blair played coy. "I guess the winner will find out." She winked at Nicky who helped her pick out the contents of the little blue box. It wasn't more than fifteen minutes when Blair made her way through all the guests and found Nicky sitting in the living-room.

"What are you doing over here I thought you were going to be in charge of the dining-room?" Blair noticed that Nicky had migrated to where the women were. "Aren't you having fun?"

"Yes," she examined the ends of her ponytail.

"Then go decorate cookies with the girls," Blair said unsure that she wanted her daughter to hear any of the conversations going on in the living-room. Most of these women worked at Cosmo and couldn't leave their naughty talk at the office, and the others were just as open with certain conversations pertaining to sex and other adult situations. "Sweetie, go," Nicky didn't budge. Blair was beginning to see articulate and outspoken Nicky dissolve around these girls a school grade older than her. "Do you not like the girls?" she asked with concern.

"No, I do," she answered immediately, not looking her mom in the eye.

"Don't you think it would be a good idea to take advantage of the time you have to get to know them? I did go to all this trouble for you," she sipped on her tea.

"I know," she nodded, still not moving from her seat.

Blair wondered where her brave, headstrong little girl was in this moment. She went from Queen B to Lonely girl in under an hour. Picking her up from school the day before, Blair found herself amused by how alike they were at nine years old. She had her little group of friends that sat around her, giggling and making plans for next recess. The one thing she always found different was how accepting and nice Nicky was. Blair attributed her daughter's kindness to Dan. Although quite bossy in nature she was always very polite and well behaved. In Blair's diary there were full entries dedicated to things she observed in Nicky as she grew up. She was always well tempered. At six months old, Blair would take Nicky to mommy and me classes where Nicky was was known to be the baby on the blanket that would sit and watch all the other babies cry and scream bloody murder with curiosity and intrigue. As if she wondered what they were upset about. When she was four she would always share her toys which Blair found to be extremely odd since she was indeed an only child and didn't exactly require daily reminders that it was nice to share. One instance Blair will never forget was Nicky giving her cousin her untouched ice cream after she dropped hers. She was only five, and quickly stopped her six year-old cousin from crying.

"It's true. Length is over rated! Girth is more important," a woman said with confidence.

"Oh my!" Blair's eyes widened. "Nicky, I put you in charge of the dining-room. You should see to your guests," she said even though she wished she didn't have to. She wished she could put her arm around her little girl and let her join the women in the living-room. She wished she could protect her from feeling like an outsider but she knew she couldn't. As much as she wanted to comfort her and take her under her wing, she knew that she was not a substitute for friends her own age; she learned that early on.

_* I should have known that the first day of preschool was going to be a disaster. I'm not ashamed to admit that when I saw my daughter ponder why I wasn't coming with her into the building, I teared up. I'm not ashamed that when she looked back at me, my lip trembled, when she was out of my sight I sat on the steps of the building and shed a tear or two. If I had my way, she would have never gone to preschool. Dan convinced me she needed the interaction and socialization with kids her own age. I am not embarrassed or ashamed of crying when she was clearly upset that I couldn't come with her. What I'm ashamed of is the day she excitedly said "Bye mummy!" and ran into the building to meet her little friends, I cried harder. *- Blair_

The women in the living-room were all engaged with Blair's newest issue of Cosmo. It wasn't set to be released for the next month but they all seemed enamoured with the "White dress" special. Nina explained they were going to talk about their own weddings and were hoping to do a survey of the women there. "I bet half of this room used the same song for their wedding." She listed of three generic song titles in which most of the women lifted their hands. They all laughed out loud when they realized they had the same wedding planner who insisted.

"Blair what was yours?" one of the women asked.

"What?" She looked up realizing she was daydreaming about Nicky.

"Your wedding song?"

"Oh, my wedding song was Damien Rice's 'Blower's daughter'..." Blair swallowed and looked into the tea cup.

"Oh Blair...that's beautiful," one of the women commented.

"Yeah," she nodded. "It was,"

"I guess Paula Winters wasn't your planner then..." a woman laughed.

"Blair planned her own wedding," Nina said proudly.

"All by yourself? goodness,"

"Dan helped me,"

"You _let_ him help?" most of the women looked appalled.

"Well, it was his wedding too," Blair started to feel like she needed to defend herself. "We just made lists of what was important to us. We both wrote down five songs and Damien Rice was the only song on both our lists,"

"That's from a movie right?" Christine asked.

"Yeah it's from 'Closer'" another woman answered for her.

"Isn't that movie about cheating and lying and divorce?" Molly chimed in. Blair couldn't understand what Molly was doing there. She always assumed Molly only interacted with her because she and Dan usually came as a package deal. When she accepted the blanket invite, Blair was shocked. She obviously knew they were divorced and he wouldn't be there. Blair looked up to see the women looking for an answer.

"Yepp!," Blair put her hands on her legs and stood, feeling like it was a good time to check on Nicky.

*****_Dan and I chose Damien Rice's "Blower's Daughter" as our wedding song after we decided to exchange lists. For a long time we wanted to use "Moon-river" and then we switched it to "This Years love" by David Grey. But we found something comical about taking a song from a movie about failed relationships. Everyone says that the first year of marriage is the hardest but I disagree. For us, it was blissful. It was the easiest our relationship had ever been. They say marriage is supposed to change people, but not us. I married my best-friend. It wasn't long after we returned home from our honey-moon that everyone was asking us when we'd be adding a family member. At first it was funny, but soon it became an over-talked, irritating subject. My mother used to go on and on about how we'd have adorable children. I always reminded her that my step-brother Aaron's patchouli loving (and smelling) common law wife would probably pop out another as fast as she could say mazul tov; My step-dad is Jewish. What my mother really wanted was for me to have a child. Laura's mother was involved so much with her grandchildren she often felt like she was stepping on toes when she grand-mothered Cyrus' grandchildren. My mother wanting grandchildren was not going to sway us. Dan's dad would ask when we were going to be fruitful and multiply and we'd have to go through the whole talk again. Contrary to the popular belief of our family members, we didn't need children to create happiness, we had that. We didn't need to have children to have a family, we had that. Each and every-time they asked when I'd be growing Dan's spawn in the near future, we'd say the same thing. 'We're not having any. We don't want any, can we move on from this topic?'. Dan and I knew exactly why we didn't want children, it was just apparent that we didn't want them for the wrong reasons. We didn't want to have a child to take care of us when we were old and grey, we didn't want to have a child to fill a void or be someone's grandchild or even to be playmate for Nate. If we were having them, it was because we wanted them, and we definitely didn't want them. We were responsible people the last thing we needed in our lives was more responsibility._**_ -Blair*_**

**XOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

When Blair entered the dining-room, most of the girls seemed to be having a great time. Nicky sat at the table and tried to jump into conversation but didn't quite know how. She opened her mouth to say something but the other girls started up again and she didn't want to talk over them. Nicky leaned over the table and took another cookie from the tray.

"Excuse me," a Alora tugged on Blair's skirt to get her attention "Nicky decorated all the flowers." She said in an irritated tone.

"So?" Blair scoffed, her eyes narrowed looking at the table.

"Well, maybe someone else would have liked to decorate a flower," it was snotty and defensive.

"And maybe someone else would like to..."

"Blair!" Nina grabbed her arm and squeezed. She knew that tone before, this was the kind of tone that came before Blair went into full on attack-mode. "There you are," a large grin spread across her face. "_They're only ten, be nice_," she warned in a hushed voice. Blair was surprised at Nina's behaviour around the young girls. Nina hated kids. There was actually a time when Nina was disgusted by the idea of Blair having a child and tried to talk her out of it on more than one occasion. thank-youBlair turned back to Alora after reigning herself in.

"I don't think she did it on purpose." Blair said gently looking over the table.

"It's not fair,...there aren't any left now," the snotty sound in the girl's voice angered Blair. By being caught up with Alora, Blair didn't notice that Nicky had left the dining-room. She came back from the kitchen with the very last flower. Out of all the hearts and circles there was one more flower to be found. Nicky skipped back to the table and placed the cookie on Alora's plate."Now you can decorate a flower," she smiled sitting back in her place. Blair beamed at her daughter then stared waiting for a thank-you from Alora that Nicky never received. Without another thought Alora decorated her cookie and Nicky went back to hers. Blair knew she should be going back to her guests and leaving Nicky to her own but she had a pull to her, as if she needed to make sure everything was okay. It was one thing to see Nicky trying to show her independence but it was another to see her struggle to become friends with these girls.

"Nicky isn't allowed to win right?" another girl piped up. "Because you're her mom,"

"I'm not judging them. The other moms are going to come in and blindly choose their favourite" Blair explained.

"But she still shouldn't be allowed to win,"

"No, she shouldn't," said another.

"Don't worry okay. Nicky is decorating them for fun," Nicky nodded in agreement.

"I'm not competing," Nicky said.

"Then why are you hogging all the flowers?" another girl asked. Nicky's face dropped and she stared at the table in front of her. Blair stared at her little girl before looking up at the others.

"No one is hogging anything!. We have plenty of hearts and circles, we have stars and bows...we have lots of other shapes," Blair explained that Nicky did nothing wrong. "Keep decorating we'll have the judging in twenty minutes,"

"That little..." Blair's hands were balled in fists when she returned to Nina.

"Just like you as preteen," Dorota commented. Blair rolled her eyes theatrically.

"Calm down."

"I mean it. I hate other people's children. What a snotty..._snot._.." she took a deep breath. "Look at my angel," she sighed looking at Nicky asking if anyone needed anything like a true host.

"Take a deep breath. It'll all be over soon. We have some gorgeous shots,"

**FLASHBACK**

**XOXOXOXO**

That night after some messy, satisfying sex, endured by a seemingly innocent foot rub. Blair laid in bed while Dan brushed his teeth in the en-suite. "Do you think she's under the impression i'm ignoring her?" she eyed the laptop grimly.

"_Blair_," Dan sighed taking his toothbrush out of his mouth to talk, "She's just stubborn and holding a grudge. She'll get over it. Ignore the childish things she does and it'll all blow over," he spit in the sink.

"That story is really sweet," she said playing with the fringe of her blanket, distracted with her thoughts. "10-08-05, it's sweet,"

"Hey!" Dan jumped on to the bed with a huge smile. "I promise, it pales in comparison to things I've written about you," he pinned her arms above her head and Blair rolled her eyes playfully.

"Oh really?" she titled her head to the side.

"Really. And i'd have a whole story completed by now if I didn't dedicate most of my time to satisfying you..."

"Dan!" her jaw dropped with laughter.

"I'm not complaining...does it seem like i'm complaining?"

"Little bit," she nodded as he flipped them so she was on top.

"I would never complain about that,"

"Never?"

"You're not a job, you're a privilege," he said affectionately taking her hand in his. Blair looked away. Sometimes when he looked at her like this she could feel her whole face turn a shade of red.

"Good," she said with swift satisfaction hoping he didn't see how uncomfortable he made her. "You've written things about me?" she asked smugly while nuzzling him, hiding her face.

"Everyday," he answered trying to push some hair out of her face and behind her ears.

"If you don't mind, I have an early day tomorrow..." she moved herself off him, lightly grazing his face with her hair.

"Me too. and my boss is a real hard-ass...if she wasn't so hot i'd probably quit," Blair rolled her eyes and got herself comfortable on her side of his bed. Within twenty minutes Dan was sound asleep. Blair slowly pulled her phone off the end table and opened her email to find Serena had sent her another two hundred copies of Dan's story. Unnerved by Serena, Blair opened a new email and began to type.

* * *

><p><strong>Subject: <strong>So this is how it's going to be?

**From: **Blair Waldorf

**Date: **July 28, 12:24:22 AM

**To: **Serena Van der Woodsen

_Serena,_

_If this is how you will continue to conduct yourself, I would very much appreciate if you never contacted me again. Dan and I have done nothing but try and keep in contact with you. I tried to give you space and let you come to terms with this. I tried to reach out and show you that we want to remain friends with you. I didn't want to address your immature childish behaviour but seeing no end in sight to your idiocy I find i've dealt with it too long, and I don't intend to ignore this any longer. Do you actually think this is going to change anything? It's been three months now. This is not a scheme to hurt you. Get over it. Stay out of my email, some people with important careers need the inbox space -Blair_**  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Subject: <strong>HA!

**From: **Serena Van der Woodsen

**Date: **July 28, 12:26:45 AM

**Reply to: **Blair Waldorf

_Blair,_

_Oh you've been together 3 months? OH SHIT! Things must be really fucking serious then. Dan and I were together for over a year and we had a long history. You have nothing but a few shared interests and a void to fill. I'm trying to help you Blair. I sent those emails to remind you that Dan has loved others. Just because he's with you now doesn't mean he won't find someone else that inspires him to write. Mark my words, he will find someone else and you will have ruined our friendship forever. Do you really want to jeopardize our friendship to be with him? A guy that wears his heart on his sleeve and will probably fall in love several more times in his life? are you willing to put yourself on the line for a man you've been seeing for twelve weeks? -S_

* * *

><p><em>Serena,<em>

_For starters, you are very quick to criticize the man you claim to be in love with. How naive do you think I am Serena? Do not tell me who Dan is and what he'll do. I know my boyfriend very well, thank-you. -Blair_

* * *

><p><em>Blair, <em>

_I'm not trying anything. I know you've been hurt in the past and I don't want you to get hurt again. You think Dan is nothing like Chuck but he is. He'll always choose his career over you. And when it comes to his career he needs new muses -Serena_

* * *

><p><em>Serena, I'm disgusted and offended with your comparison. You make it sound as if Dan left you for another woman when in actuality you left him. Please stop telling me who Dan is and what he's capable of. I spend practically every waking second with him. I know him. He's my best-friend, he's told me things he's never told you -Blair.<em>

* * *

><p><em>Blair, i'll just sit back and wait for this "honey-moon" period to end. I know that it's new and exciting to you but just wait...your relationship will never last any strain.<em>

* * *

><p><em>Serena, I'll have you know that Dan and I are solid as a rock<em>

* * *

><p><em>Blair, relationships that have never seen a speed bump or a crack are not invincible. The relationships that have been through hell and back, those are the ones that are solid as a rock.<em>

* * *

><p><em>Serena, please leave Dan and I alone.<em>

* * *

><p><em>Blair, of course. Enjoy your next couple weeks together. Oh and I hear Dan is really hard to get over -S<em>

* * *

><p>You would know right? - Blair.<p>

* * *

><p>Blair put down her phone and slowly sunk back into the bed. She looked over at Dan who was sleeping soundly and felt terribly emotional. Grabbing his hand, not caring if she woke him, she pulled it over herself and snuggled into him. Blair sighed comfortably when Dan pulled himself in to spoon with her and gave her back a squeeze against his chest that put her at ease.<p>

_*I would be lying if I said the things Serena talked about in her emails didn't bother me. I had been scolded before in relationships. I wanted to believe my instinct about Dan but the truth is,...I didn't know how he would react to certain strains on our relationship. After our three month mark Dan and I broke up because of something terrible I should have never done. I tested a good man for no good reason. -Blair*_

"Hey?" she turned to see him sleeping on his back just a few hours later. All she could think about was what Serena said. Right now she wanted assurance.

"What's wrong?" he asked inhaling the smell of her hair but didn't open his eyes.

"Nothing," she pressed a feather soft kiss to the fleshy side of his lip, then trailed her kisses down his neck.

"Blair,.." he laughed lightly but still didn't open his eyes, he could drift back into sleep in a moment.

"Make love to me," she purred tracing out the lines of muscle in his stomach.

"I'm sleeping," he laughed lightly through his hazy vision as she gently removed the sheets on top of him.

"I need to feel you," she continued, caressing the flesh above the waistband of his Calvin Klein's.

"Tomorrow," he smirked lightly in his state of slumber.

"How bout now," she got on top of him and created a tent with her hair over his head.

"You're very persistent," he opened his eyes.

"I'll do all the work," she bit her lip with an impish smile as her hand made it's way into his boxer shorts. She was determined to be the girl he could write endlessly about. The girl that provided so much material as a muse he wouldn't have to look elsewhere; he wouldn't have to go back to Serena.

He sat up so their faces matched up perfectly, then pulled the straps of her pyjamas down

**XOXOXOXOOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

"Those are beautiful sweets," Blair eyed Nicky's cookies as she held the back of her chair.

"you're not judging right? You can't be allowed to judge them because your bias-ted to your daughter" a girl said.

"I'm what?...first of all the word is _biassed_. And second of all no, I'm not judging. The other moms are judging," she explained the whole deal again.

Blair was taking Nicky's cookies and placing them on the tray so they could be eaten after the photographer got a snapshot of them. Alora made a whiney sound as a petal on her flower snapped off. It took all Blair had to press her lips together to prevent herself from laughing.

"It's broken!" she frowned holding up the crumbled cookie.

"Oh well..." Blair said in an uppity voice while adding more decorate cookies to a tray.

"No. Not oh well. It's broken!" she called out with disappointment.

"What are you going to do? Glue it together?" Blair chuckled, eyes blinking rapidly. "That's the way the cookie crumbles unfortunately..._and if that's not karma_..." Blair snickered looking to Nina. Nina laughed lightly then looked over as Nicky scrapped the icing off her blue cookie and handed it to Alora.

"Look," Nina gestured. Blair shook her head not believing how upset she was at her daughter for being selfless. Once Alora was decorating her cookie with a sense of entitlement, Nicky ran off to the kitchen to wash her hands. Blair went after her.

"You didn't have to do that," she said leaning in the doorway.

"It's okay. I want her to be happy" Blair nodded with a soft smile understanding. "There is no sense in being mean to people," she smiled before heading back to the dining-room. Blair watched over the table as everyone finished up on their last cookie. There was no longer any blue icing so Nicky settled with white as Alora decorated the flower in nearly the exact same style Nicky had decorated it in previously. When the cookies were all done and ready to be judged Blair walked into the kitchen to see all the mothers laughing and pointing and the beautifully decorated cookies. Nina did the count of votes and in the end Alora was the winner of the prize. Blair nearly chucked the little blue box at her head.

The young girls settled back into the dining-room for a lunch of mini sandwiches, cakes and of course, more tea.

"What's it like living in LA?" Jocelyn asked Izzie.

"Warm," she said making everyone giggle.

"I lived in California for a couple months," another girl piped up.

"I lived in Paris for a month," Nicky blurted out trying to keep the conversation going. When the girls looked up at her she felt uncomfortable.

"You mean you went on vacation?"

"No, I lived there with my grand-dad," she took a sip of her tea.

"Do you have pictures?"

"Not here,...but at my mom's house I have an album,"

"Why don't you just show us on your Facebook page?"

"I...don't have Facebook," she said uncomfortably as she shifted on her chair.

"You don't have Facebook!" every one of the girls was in shock.

"No," she shook her head.

"Why don't you have Facebook?"

"I don't know..." she shrugged.

"Lets make you an account right now!"

Blair was going back to join the women in the living-room when she over heard some women talking in a hushed way. She stood behind the door to listen.

"All i'm saying is that it must be nice. I was never able to put my career first. After I had Alora it was all about her. I only wish I had the drive Blair does. I'd probably be on the top of my company if I didn't feel so strongly about Alora being raised by her mother..." Blair was in total shock at this moment. Frozen in place, she wondered what Queen B would have done. She's fairly certain that the old Blair would have called her out on her backhanded compliment and probably tell her to leave. But this Blair decided it was best to let it go. There were no words in the world that would let Nancy know how wrong she was with her statement and she was inspired by Nicky's words 'there is no sense in being mean to people'. Blair held on to the door knob and continued to listen. "I wonder if her position in the company is the reason behind her divorce..."she trailed off as if she was uncomfortable saying such a thing. "I worry about her husband," said another woman. Blair felt her throat become sore, she was frozen in place. "It's clear that she kicked him out no?" "Well i've never met him so I wouldn't be able to say for certain but the word on the street is he doesn't make enough money for her,"

"I know him," Blair knew she shouldn't have invited Molly Bradner. For Dan and Blair's entire relationship she always knew Molly had a crush on Dan. And not in the most subtle ways, in ways that were blatantly obvious and hard to ignore. The only reason she invited her was because she happened to run into her and offered a "you should come..."

"I can only imagine why they divorced..." she trailed off. Blair wanted to tell her to leave like she had many times before. Just a couple years after they were married, Molly invited them to a party that Blair found completely inappropriate. The second she held out the glass bowl and made a remark about Dan's keychain, Blair knew they were at a swingers party. For the first ten minutes Blair was hit on by more men in her entire life as Dan tried his darnest to get his keys out of the bowl without anyone noticing. When Molly grabbed the bowl, Blair jumped at the chance to go first knowing they would cause a scene if another woman got hold of Dan's keys. "Just pick any pair Blair," Molly said as Blair seriously dug through the bowl blindly. "Anytime now Blair," she smiled. "MMhmm," she continued to swirl the keys around with loud clinking sounds. Dan scrubbed a hand over his face knowing this was going to make the whole room uncomfortable if they had to explain that they were not into this type of thing. Suddenly Blair stopped searching through the bowl and noticed Molly was holding Dan's keys. The loop sitting gently around her pinkie finger under the bowl. "Got em!" Blair ripped the keys from Molly's hand then gave her a glare. As they headed home, Dan and Blair laughed their asses off about the situation they were just in. "They've only been married three months and she's hosting swinging parties?" Blair was crying with laughter but didn't dare tell Dan about his key-ring being looped around Molly's finger. "Did she think we'd get there and just go along?" Dan asked. "She's a psychopath," It wasn't much long after Nicky was born that Molly invited her and her husband to dinner and asked the most inappropriate thing of them, which infuriated Blair and made her despise the woman further.

"Shut up Molly," Blair said under her breath still listening to her discuss reasons for why she and Dan may have gotten divorced.

"Umm,...Mummy?" Blair swung her hair around to see her daughter rocking back and fourth in her stocking covered heels

"Yes,?" she smiled trying to act natural.

"Can I make a Facebook?" she asked simply.

"Well,..." she looked at all the girls in the dining-room engaged in catty conversation and answered with, "I don't see why not," and a smile. "My laptop is in my Birkin by the steps," Nicky nodded and ran off. For the next twenty minutes, Nicky and the sixth grade girls, gathered around a computer. Blair spent her time in the living-room with a brave face. These women were ignorant to the highest of degrees if they thought she put her career before her daughter. That was never the case with her. They knew nothing about why she and her husband were divorced and suddenly Blair wanted to spend the rest of the day working with Nina and the photographer.

Once the Facebook page was created, Nicky went back to the foyer to put her mom's laptop back in her Birkin Bag. The elevator doors opened with a ding and Nicky smiled brightly not expecting to see him.

"Hi!" she greeted Dan who was dressed casually, sunglasses resting atop his head.

"How was the tea party?" he asked walking in.

"We're still having it actually. You want some tea?"

"No thank-you. But i'll take one of these," he eyed the tray of macrons on the middle table before picking one out.

"I rushed out here to get the door and it's just you..." Nina sighed at Dan.

"Cruella!," he said in a cheery voice. "Almost a pleasure..." he stuffed the macron in his mouth.

"How's it going Hump?" she asked.

"Same old," he said making small talk with her ex wife's best-friend.

"What are you doing here?" Blair asked clinking out to the foyer to see her ex husband.

"I saw that 'Breakfast at Tiffanys' was playing at the Nitehawk tonight and thought i'd take her..." he picked up another macron.

"It's not your day," she piped up, eyes fluttering with annoyance but carefully eying his clothes up and down, proud of his choices.

"Daddy..." Nicky pulled on his hand. "Come with me?"

"Whyyy?..." he said skeptically.

"This is my dad," Nicky introduced him to her older friends. Blair watched from a distance as Nicky introduced Dan to the group with pride.

"Like they care..." Blair scoffed to Nina.

"There is nothing wrong with her being proud of her dad," Nina reminded Blair with a hand on her shoulder. Blair closed her eyes and exhaled trying to keep calm.

"Is he serious? he thinks he can just show up on my day and take her to the movies?" she said in a calmer tone.

Dan nodded to the dozen ten year-olds noticing he didn't know any of them. "Where are your usual friends?" he asked in a whisper once all the girls were back to talking and drinking tea. "Grace, Macey, Tierney, Avalon?" he listed off the girls that he knew well as Nicky's best-friends.

"These are the girls from sixth grade," she said indifferent. Dan took a seat and Nicky climbed up in his lap.

"Why are you having your tea party with the girls from sixth grade?" Dan's eyebrows raised with question.

"Well, because mommy wanted me to see if I might change my mind about skipping a grade after having a tea party," she explained.

"Oh, I see," he nodded a little.

"So this is Alora, Jocelyn, Alexandra,..."

"AlexanDRIA," the girl corrected.

"Right," Nicky nodded. "Elsie, Devon and Rylan,"

"Nice to meet you," Dan smiled at the ten year-olds. "There's a familiar face!, Hi Izzie," he smiled warmly.

"Hi!" she beamed.

"Wait, Izzie is in 6th grade?"

"Yeah,"

"Oh I should have known..." he nodded. "That makes total sense,"

"Why?"

"Oh no reason..., if Izzie is in sixth grade why don't you want to move up with her next year?"

"The girls in 6th grade aren't as nice as the 5th grade girls,"

"Ahh," Dan nodded. "Well what do you think?...about skipping?"

"Uhh..." she trailed off with a light smile that Dan took as a no. "If mommy..." she shrugged. "if she wants me to,..." she nodded but didn't finish her sentence as Blair's voice boomed through the main floor.

"Nicky!," Blair called for her. "Come take a picture,"

"Daddy i'm going to be right back!" she slid off his lap. "Don't move a muscle!"

"I won't," he promised as she leaned over and gave him a smooch on the cheek. Dorota walked up to him and set down a tea cup on a saucer.

"Hey Dorota,"

"You at tea party, you drink tea," she said ignoring his friendly greeting.

"I don't really want,...you got any coffee?"

"No, tea party..."

"Oh ok," he nodded picking up the cup and took a sip. "Good tea," he smiled at the little girls who giggled at his comment.

Once the photo was taken Nicky jumped to her feet and ran back to find her dad. Blair was surprised as she found an arm snake around her waist in the foyer. "Miss me?" he said in a low voice.

"What are you doing here?" Blair looked around the party hoping Dan wasn't near by.

"You're not answering my calls..."

"Patrick..." she sighed. "I told you, we're not going to work out,"

"Is this Nicky?" he gestured in the direction of a small girl who was mousy and wearing uneven pigtails. Blair's eyebrows raised with slight insult that he would even consider that girl to be her daughter.

"No, that is _not_ Nicky..." she pushed him towards the elevator. "Patrick, please..." she moved him in the direction of the elevator.

"Huah!," he inhaled when he saw her. "Blair she's gorgeous!...wow, she looks just like you and like nothing like Dan," he laughed.

"Stop your mouth from moving!," she looked around hoping no one heard him.

"Oh come on,"

"You have to leave,"

"Come on, you know you want to talk to me," Patrick smiled warmly.

"You never give up do you?" she sighed.

**FLASHBACK**

Blair hadn't been doing much more than sleeping and crying for the last forty-eight hours. She sat up in bed, her eyes still puffy and damp. Glancing over at her cell-phone she noticed the time. She was going to have to rush to the bakery now. She promised Nicky when she got home from Paris there would be tea and macrons waiting for her. She promised! Feeling ill, and absolutely sick to her stomach she ran to the shop. When she arrived she noticed the line was long, she was going to miss her daughter's arrival. Harold told her they would be landing at four and it was nearly four thirty. A loud sigh came from Blair when she noticed the guy in line. She ran into him a week prior when she was in a similar state. Tears in her eyes, completely lost and unsure if she made the right choice. There was no where to turn. She didn't want anyone to know what was going on and the best thing to do was to set a large cup of coffee and work on proposals in the coffee shop. Home would just remind her of what happened there just hours prior.

_"I really need to put my order in,...I'm going to go before you okay?" Blair pushed herself in front of the guy. _

_"Oh I don't think so. I really need to put my order in," he pushed himself back in front of her. _

_"Excuse me? I don't find that at all gentlemanly of you," _

_"I didn't find you butting in line very lady-like..." he scoffed. "So you're one of those women. You want everything. You want to be treated as an equal but you still expect chivalry..."_

Quietly Blair stood behind him without saying a word this time. She hoped he wouldn't recognize her.

"You again,..." he turned.

"I'm standing behind you okay? Happy? can we stand in this line in silence?" she blinked.

"Tell me your name,..."

"I don't want to tell you my name. I don't know you,"

"my name is Patrick" he held his hand out.

"why are you telling me like I care?"

"What's your name?"

"Sorry!" she flashed a fake smile. "I don't talk to strangers,"

"How can we be strangers? we've met here before"

"Oh you're right,..." she sighed. "We're old friends!" her fake smile turned to a scowl. Patrick opened his mouth to continue when Blair stopped him. "What is the problem here? Do I have 'please be my friend' tattooed on my forehead? I just want to stand in this line in silence"

"I don't take you for the tattooing kind," he looked her up and down. Blair raised her eyebrows at how wrong he was.

"Oh you do? let me see it,"

"Yes, like i'll just show a stranger in the middle of public,"

"Oh it must be in a secret area then..."

"Can you stop?"

"I was going to ask if you wanted to butt in front of me," he smiled softly.

"Well I would gladly accept but id hate for you to think that gives you the right to converse with me, so no thank-you," she crossed her arms.

"I think you take yourself too seriously," Patrick said. "I also think we should have coffee,"

"No thank-you," she started to feel uncomfortable. Blair placed her order after Patrick and they explained it was going to be a ten to fifteen minute wait since they were out of French Vanilla.

"We have traditional vanilla bean if you want them instead?"

"No no, they have to be French Vanilla. She thinks somehow French vanilla makes them sophisticated. Don't ask...she's very particular. I'll just wait," she nodded.

"You're no fun," Patrick bumped his hip into Blair's as he sipped from his take-out coffee cup.

"I'm plenty of fun. I don't know you," her eyes widened not understanding how someone could be so daft.

"Plenty of fun?" he scoffed. "I don't think so but,...prove me wrong,"

"I don't have to prove anything to you,"

"True. I guess that depends on how you feel about my perceptions of your personality,"

"I think I can live with whatever perceptions you have," she blinked.

"I happen to have very lovely perceptions of you. I just question your ability to have fun,"

"I could easily say that you must have overinflated perceptions of yourself if you think i'll have _any_ fun with you,"

"Ouch, well for the record,...I would love to get a chance with you. From the moment I first saw you in here I immediately thought you were just stunning. I actually come in here every Friday just hoping you might come in," Blair was at a loss for words. She gulped uncomfortably. "Would you ever consider going out with a Wall-Streeter?"

"Oh!" Blair was shocked. "I'm married," she blinked, still not believing this just happened.

"Yeah, I should have known..." he laughed staring at her bare ring finger. "Thing is blinding me..." he said with thick sarcasm.

"No, I just..." she inhaled. "I took it off before I left..I am," she stressed.

"Sure,"

"I really am. Nine years this September," she had no idea why she was trying to prove anything to him.

"It's okay. You don't have to make up stories..."

"I'm not! I'm married!,"

"You get really riled up don't you?"

"I'm married. I have a six year-old daughter and i'm married to an author," she stressed.

"Why aren't you wearing your ring?"

"..." her eyes filled up and she thought it might be possible that she would just walk out of the bakery without Nicky's macrons that she had already paid for.

"Okay, I shouldn't pry. I can tell somethings going on. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, I don't. It's none of your business. I don't know you!" she wiped at her eye.

"Maybe that's exactly what you need? Someone to talk to that doesn't know him or your situation? Someone that's not going to be able to tell anyone?"

"I don't really want to talk about it at all," she held her head high and waited for her order without exchanging another word with him. Patrick finally decided to leave but not before saying goodbye to the object of his affection.

"So long Daisy, maybe i'll see you around?"

"...What?" her eyes locked with his. "What did you just call me?"

"Daisy," he smiled before pointing at the broach on her blouse. Blair clasped her hand over her broach Dan gave her and closed her eyes.

When she got home she just had enough time to put some macrons on the tray before the elevator dinged open. Harold and Nicky walked into the apartment followed by James the doorman with her array of pink and burberry tartan luggage.

"MUMMY!"

"HI baby!" she ran and scooped up her six year old daughter. Nicky wrapped her arms and legs around her mom, burying her head in the crook of her neck. Blair gave her dad a side kiss the best she could with Nicky still squeezing her extra tight. "How was Paris?"

"It was incroyable," Nicky said in a near perfect french dialect that Blair was throughly proud of.

"Goodness gracious, you must be exhausted mon bébé,"

"je suis," she giggled before plopping herself down on the couch with a loud deflating sound.

"You slept the entire flight!" Harold laughed.

"I'm exhausted from my travels!" she said sprawling out.

After a quick dinner, Harold said his goodbyes to his daughter and granddaughter and made his exit. Blair pulled Nicky on to her lap and spoke french for a little while. Nicky ate her french macrons and seemed delightedly relaxed and happy to be home.

"Mummy, I like France but I think,..." she swallowed a bite of her macron. "I think i'm a New Yorker," Blair smiled and removed Nicky's beret.

"Yes, of course you are," she laughed pressing a kiss on her hair. "You were born here so yes you are a New Yorker,"

"No, I mean. I think I always want to be a New Yorker,"

"Oh," she smiled proudly. "Paris is not a full time kind of place for you?"

"It's okay for vacation but it is just not not NOT my home," Blair smiled amused with her.

"Well, I like it here too," she agreed.

"New Yorkers aren't rude mommy," she said out of nowhere with conviction.

"Oh no?"

"No, they're just busy," she nodded.

"Who told you that?" Blair smiled.

"Daddy," she said with her mouth full of macron.

"Oh goodness! Please don't talk with your mouth full sweetheart," Blair's heart beat a little too fast.

"Oops," she pressed her fingers to her lips. "Sorry,"

"It's okay," she smiled getting her a napkin.

"Where is he?" she suddenly wondered why she didn't ask about him before.

"uhm,.." She cleared her throat. "Daddy, is on his book tour," she blurted without thinking.

"He went early? His book tour starts next month," Blair sighed. She should have know Nicky had every important date listed in her day planner. For a six year-old she was very well organized.

"He just had to go away for a little while. Sort out some work stuff,"

"Can I call him?"

"Probably not a good idea tonight. We can try tomorrow though,"

"Ok,.."

"What's wrong sweets?" Blair noticed her daughter looked contemplative and maybe a little sad.

"He doesn't want to talk to me on the day I come home?"

"No, it's not like that," Blair swallowed. "I promise,"

"Why don't you go get ready for bed okay?"

Nicky went off to her room and pulled on some silk pyjamas before she heard the elevator ding open. There were no words exchanged the moment Dan walked in the apartment just a shrill shriek as Nicky jumped up into his arms and Dan pressing loud kisses all over her face.

"HI!" she finally said when he stopped and just gazed at her with adoration.

"Oh baby girl," he buried his head in her shoulder and just held her for a few seconds. "How was your trip? How was Cat? how was Roman?, did you have fun?"

"Good, good, good, yes," she giggled. "Where have you been mister?" she poked him on the nose.

Blair eyed him carefully, "I've been working," he said looking at Blair. They sat on the couch and chatted about her trip while Blair leaned against the wall watching them carefully.

"You wanna go rent some movies?" he asked.

"YES!"

"Nicky it's bed time," Blair reminded her.

"It's eight," Dan said checking his watch.

"Well, she must be jet-lagged and school starts next week, she should get back into routine," Blair said. "Will you please go get into bed?" she asked.

"I slept the entire flight!" she sighed.

"Is that whining?" Blair asked. Nicky looked to Dan but he didn't say anything, as he pursed his lips together. Nicky jumped off Dan's lap and reluctantly headed for her room.

"I'll tuck you in Nic," he called hoping she wasn't too upset. "What's this?" Dan asked. "You're putting restrictions on me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You're treating me like I haven't been in her life for years and i'm trying to buy her love. I just thought we could rent some movies. I expected you to come too,"

"What makes you think I even want you here?" she shook her head.

"She just came home..." he gestured in the direction of Nicky.

"And I told you that I didn't want you to see her right now,"

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," he said under his breath.

"I don't think I have to explain why i'm uncomfortable with you taking her out of our apartment,"

"What gives you such a sense of entitlement Blair?"

"I'm her mother," she said as if it was a simple fact that she should make the decisions.

"And who am I?" he yelled.

"Let's go talk in the elevator," she worried Nicky could hear them argue. Dan ignored her.

"That better not mean what I think it means..., you think that gives you the upper hand? I've been there since the very beginning, same as you. You have _nothing_ over me,"

"Of course I do!"

"How bout you think that over for a moment,"

"How bout you leave,"

"Blair, I haven't seen her in a month. I'm not leaving,"

"Where are you sleeping tonight?" she asked him.

"Not sure yet. Probably Nate's again,"

"Stay. You can sleep on the couch,"

"...how generous of you," he said with sarcasm, a fake smile spread across his face.

"On second thought maybe it would be a good idea if you just left,"

"Maybe it would be because I don't exactly feel welcome in my OWN home," he blinked.

"Please just leave now," she ran a hand through her long, brunette locks.

Dan walked past Blair and into Nicky's room where she had lined up all her stuffed animals on the bed. "Hey Nic,...I have to go," he saw her freeze from what she was doing before she turned to face him.

"Where? you just got home," she looked up at him wide eyes, confused.

"I know but," he pulled his lip to one side. "I have a pretty crazy job right?"

"yeah,"

"Well, I have to do a lot of extra stuff for this book so I have to go,"

"But I don't want you to," she looked confused.

"I know. And I don't want to go either,"

"Can I go with you this time? just like Colorado! Remember? That was fun daddy!"

"It was fun!" he smiled with a nod. "I don't think this time it's going to be so fun,"

"Okay," she said sadly.

"C'mon get under the covers," Nicky did as she was told. Dan pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"There's something different," Nicky looked at him.

"Yeah? What?"

"I don't know...I think you look sad,"

"I'm not sad," he smiled before giving her another kiss, and telling her he loved her and he'd see her soon.

"Mummy! Don't let him leave!" she pleaded jumping out of her covers.

"Dan?" Blair called from the other room with a sigh.

"Mummy please!...he should just stay,"

"Yeah he should stay," Blair nodded in agreement.

"Are you sure. Jerry wants me to go doesn't he?" Dan asked Blair.

"No, he uh..._called_. He doesn't need you right now,"

"YAY!" Nicky jumped up into Dan's arms. "I want Jerry's phone number ok?...I might need to tell him when you're allowed to work," Blair and Dan laughed at her. It wasn't long before Nicky was asleep and Blair walked out to see Dan sleeping rather uncomfortably on the couch. Half his body was nearly on the floor, his neck would hurt terribly in the morning.

"Dan?" Blair nudged him with a sniff.

"What's wrong?" he sat up on the couch and she instantly wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she ran her hands over his back in a caress. "I know you've been trying,"

"It's okay," he held her tightly.

"Come to bed," she insisted.

When the sun came up Blair woke up to find Nicky nestled between her and Dan.

"Pyjama day?" Nicky asked sheepishly with her hands out.

"PYJAMA DAY!" Dan repeated jumping from the bed.

"Mummy put on your plaid, it's a traditional Humphrey pj day!"

"Okay okay," she laughed as Dan and Nicky marched into the kitchen on a mission to make breakfast. Blair looked in the mirror and laughed to herself before putting on her plaid pyjama pants that Dan and Nicky bestowed on Blair the day she became a Humphrey, just two years prior.

"Mummy do you hate pj day?"

"What? I love pj day!" she smiled.

"Daddy!" Nicky called out. "I don't think mummy likes being a Humphrey," she giggled about the pants like always and teased her mom as always just like Dan always did. Usually these comments snowballed until Dan was teasing Blair in jest and telling her that Humphrey didn't suit her. Since Dan didn't say anything Nicky piped up, "Mommy do you hate being a Humphrey?" Dan looked up from the pancake he was about to flip.

"I love,..." she swallowed. "I love being a Humphrey,"

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

"Patrick, I'm not joking around,..."

"I'm just going to have a macron, maybe some tea," he went and sat down where some of the guests were.

"I need him out of here!" Blair panicked to Nina.

"Okay, Okay,...calm down,"

"So cute right? She throws the most adorable parties for her daughter," Patrick stood beside Dan who was starting to wonder where Nicky went.

"That she does," Dan chuckled a little. "I didn't catch your name," Dan held his hand out.

"Oh, I'm Blair's uh...my name's Patrick,"

"Dan," his eyes narrowed.

"Oh,...I know," Patrick said making Dan feel uncomfortable.

"Yeah," he threw his hands in his pockets. "I didn't recognize you without the beard,"

"Yeah, I had to shave it,"

"Right," Dan offered a small nod before he needed to remove himself from the small talk.

"Hey Nic?...I'm going to go," he bent down slightly.

"Why? I'll go with you! hold on,"

"No, no no...stay. Hang out with your friends..."

"They're not my friends daddy..." she sighed seemingly tired. "I want to go with you,"

"Okay, you have to ask your mom," he waited by the elevator flicking through his phone trying to avoid Patrick.

"You can't leave. You have guests. Daddy will pick you up when it's over okay?" Blair said.

"Okay," she nodded rushing to him.

"Umm, can you come get me from mom's apartment at six?"

"Sure can," he bent down and pulled her into a hug.

When the blonde arrived to pick up Izzie. Blair's entire body tensed up but she took a calming breath and walked towards her. "Serena?" she smiled carefully.

"Oh,..Blair," she cleared her throat. "I'm just here to pick up Izzie,"

"Right. Of course,...did you,...want to stay for tea?" she asked politely, suddenly inspired by her daughter's kindness that day.

"Oh, I can't...Sorry,"

"It's fine. Fine," she put some hair behind her ear. "Well, Isobel is welcome here anytime," she said awkwardly. Before Serena and her daughter escaped into the elevator.

**XOXOXOX**

_**FLASHBACK**_

"Why don't you ask him?"

"Ask him? how would I ask him?"

"I don't know...open you mouth and say 'Dan, do you love me?' ?"

"Shh!" Blair looked around her office.

"I don't understand why you are getting your panties in a bunch over this. Do you even love him?"

"No. I don't know..."

"Then why is it so important for him to love you?"

"I don't know...forget it," she sat at her desk thinking about Serena's emails that didn't stop pouring in daily.

"Ugh, I have writers block,..." Nina spun herself in her chair

"Go for a walk. It works for Dan all the time," Blair said looking through some magazines.

"Hey , maybe that will work!"

"Go by the park maybe you'll find some couples that inspire you,"

"No, I mean the opposites attract thing,"

"Dan and I aren't opposites" Blair scoffed. "The reason we work is because Dan is forty nine percent bourgeois and fifty-one percent contemporary. I happen to be forty-nine percent contemporary and fifty-one percent bourgeois. He doesn't like to admit it but he's an elitist with sub-culture influences. I have him down to a science.." Nina eyed her carefully.

"It's like our apartment!" she looked up from her magazine. "...exposed brick paired with high-end silk drapes. It's the perfect combination. The perfect compromise,"

"Your apartment?" Nina's eyes raised.

"_His_ apartment,..." Blair corrected.

"Speak of the devil..." Nina smirked as Dan walked over to them.

"Are those what I think they are?" Blair beamed as Dan walked over with a white box.

"Daniel? for me?,...you shouldn't have," Nina smiled.

"Nice try Nina," he moved away from her and placed the box on his girlfriend's desk. "A daisy for my daisy," Dan dropped a bright pink gerber daisy in the vase on her desk.

"Oh don't put it in that one. Here," she pulled out a smaller vase for the single Daisy.

"Hey Dan, Blair and I were just talking about when you were going to..."

"to?..." he asked.

"to tell her that you..."

"To get me lunch!..." Blair smiled speaking over Nina.

"Oh you want me to get your lunch? Okay," he was taken aback knowing he was never hired to be her assistant.

"Do you mind? i'm just famished..."

"No, what do you want?"

"Estelles?" she asked in a slight whine.

"Uhh,.." Dan laughed lightly under his breath. "That's in Brooklyn..." he scratched his chin.

"Yes I know, that's why I chose you over everyone in the office. You know your way around Brooklyn right?" she smiled.

"It's kind of far for lunch isn't it?"

"Yes you're right...I just had a craving,..."

"Okay, well,...I'm not doing anything now so I can get it,"

"Thank you!" she smiled as he took off out of the office.

"What was that?" Nina laughed at what she just witnessed.

"Get a pen Nina,...I have an idea for our next big article,"

"What are you talking about? Dan deserves a trophy for being boyfriend of the year,...you make me sick," she slumped against the back of her chair. "somethings gotta give Blair..."

"What do you mean?" she smiled smugly taking in the view of the colourful assortment of macrons in front of her. Blair knew exactly what Nina was getting at.

"He's the total opposite of Gabe. We have opposite relationship dynamics...it's like we could write a quiz and article about the good-boy boyfriend opposed to the bad-boy boyfriend. Or maybe we could like survey a hundred girls and take census about their boyfriends..."

"Or we could test them..." Blair brought her idea back to light.

"Blair, that sounds like torture..."

"Come on! it's Dan!...he adores me. He'll do anything I ask,"

"And what if he doesn't?"

"If he doesn't then we'll have more to write about. Now quick, get a pen," she pointed at the cup filled with pens on Nina's desk.

"Okay, one!..." Nina waited until she wrote it. "Would he buy you tampons? Dan gets a check mark and now i'll call Gabe to see if he'll do the same..." Blair smirked and waited as Nina got on her cell-phone and very convincingly asked Gabe if he would do her this big favour.

"Okay, yeah...thanks..." she put her phone down. "This is what he said," she cleared her throat and put on the best 'Gabe' voice complete with grunts. "No absolutely not. I don't know what to get...call your mother.."

"X for Gabe" Blair chuckled. "Romantic gestures..., Dan brought me breakfast in bed this morning..."

"I hate you..." Nina deadpanned. "Gabe finished off my milk and then left.."

"Dan just brought me a daisy and then rushed to Brooklyn because I claimed to want Italian from Brooklyn..."

"This article is going to write itself,"

"I know," she said smugly while taking a bite of a macron.

"I think you have your answer. I'd say he loves you,"

"You think?" she bit her lip.

"He's in Brooklyn getting you lunch...yeah,"

**PRESENT**

**XOXOXOXOXOXO**

"Oh Dan are you leaving? that's too bad," she said.

"Oh do I sense sarcasm..." Blair noticed Dan was displeased about something. "I'm going to pick her up at six and you and I are going to have a little talk in the elevator,"

"Really? If it's that important maybe we should talk now," her hands rested on her hips, her eyes blinked rapidly.

"Oh _No_, I wouldn't want to impose on your guests," he said in an overly polite tone that Blair concluded as unmistakable sarcasm. "...i'll see you at six," he said sternly before leaving.

**XOXOX**

**More soon, I promise! and it all makes sense. I've been over this so many times I promise everything will make total and complete sense and if it doesn't then you have permission to call me the worst story teller in history. I feel as-though everything from 'Maybe' and everything from this fic is constructed so carefully that it will make total sense. As long as you don't get too confused along the way. xoxoxo -FQ**


	6. Feels like Home

**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews! You are all soooo awesome. I saw a bunch of reviewers want to know what's going to happen with Dan and Blair. I don't want to spoil it for everyone, so stop reading now if you don't want to know about the fate of Dan and Blair. **(_...I like writing realism. However, this is not the time for it. I need this as much as anyone else. I need them together. The mystery is how it happens..._)

**Enjoy this chapter. Let me know how i'm doing. Let me know what you liked, what you didn't, because I like to try and improve each chapter. I know everyone seems to like the parts about Dan and Blair in school together. Do I have a treat for you guys or what! They're going back to school in the next chapter :) -ENjOY!**

**XOXOXOXOXO**

'**FEELS LIKE HOME TO ME'**

BY CHANTAL KREVIAZUK

FROM: **HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS**

*I know exactly why I did it. Nina kept praising me for my 'wild imagination' when I came up with situations for Dan to endure. It wasn't my imagination, I was using situations that hit close to home. Situations I had been in with Chuck. In high pressure situations Dan never raised his voice at me. When I lied about an emergency and he showed up to help me choose between the black dress and red dress, he was confused but he didn't tell me that I was wasting his precious time with disgust on his face and hate in his voice. Whenever he reacted in a way I didn't expect I was relieved but at the same time, had this voice in the back of my head that needed to verify him. I should have just been pleased but I wouldn't be satisfied until he reacted in a way I anticipated. I dug harder, I pushed more buttons. I requested more from him, just to see how long he could tolerate me. For three months, Nina and I took long detailed notes and transformed them into the most anticipated Cosmpolitan article in years. I guess you could look at it as a version of 'How to Lose a guy in 10 days' only it went for the course of three months. I made comments about him making less money than me, hoping I could bruise his ego but Dan never seemed to care about those things. I made fun of his hair and he laughed. I treated him like a servant and told him I was attracted to other men. I never said please, I never said thank-you. And when he took everything in perfect stride, I dug harder waiting for him to snap. I knew it was only going to last one more week when Dan was given a great opportunity for his career. This was the final verification I needed from him. Would he put me before his career? I had to know. **-Blair ***

**PRESENT**

As always, Blair escaped her tea party, leaving everyone else clean up. She looked over some of the photos and was pleasantly surprised that the photographer did such a great job, he hadn't made a name for himself quite yet. Blair liked giving people their big breaks when she could. She was relieved that everything went according to plan, the ladies enjoyed themselves, the pictures turned out as intended but now her stomach was full of knots. Dan's arrival to pick up Nicky was imminent, a serious talk was quickly approaching. The elevator was utilized for secrets, for special alone time and on occasion; a fight. Nicky witnessed one fight between her parents and that was it, they decided the place they often used in the middle of the day to release some tension or give Dan some inspiration, could accommodate a duking match. Anything they found too intense for Nicky's baby ears was taken to the elevator. Blair knew this certainly wouldn't be a time to gossip and catching up, and it most definitely wasn't to release any 'tension', this was going to be a fight. Blair took a deep breath when she heard Nicky greet Dan. Always happy, excited, too content to see her father. Blair just threw her a grand tea party and she was more thrilled to spend the night in Brooklyn with her father.

"Daddy, let me change ok?" Nicky's small voice floated through the apartment.

"Okay," he nodded. Blair walked up to him. "Elevator?" she asked hoping they could just get it over with. Once they were in the metal box they closed the door and pressed a number that would take them on a decent trip length.

"What's with the sixth grade girls?" he didn't waste a second.

"And I thought this was going to be about Patrick..."

"We'll get there," he shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned against the wall as they climbed another few floors.

"What do you want me to say Dan?"

"She said she didn't want to skip the grade," he stared at her with barren eyes and a tight jaw. "She told you she didn't want to. That means...she _DOESN'T_ want to," he annunciated carefully as if Blair had a hearing problem.

"That's still up for discussion," she replied quickly.

"It's not,"

"Of course it is," she blinked.

"No it's not!" he spoke louder now.

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with her having friends older than her," Blair defended her choice to invite the older girls.

"There _is_ something absolutely wrong with you telling her that it's her choice to make before steering her in the direction YOU want,"

"What I want?" she interrupted him. "What does her skipping a grade do for me?"

"This is about outward appearances and you know it,"

"Outward appearances? What?" her eyebrows raised with question.

"You know that your upper crust friends are aware she was tested for being gifted and if she doesn't skip the grade they're all going to assume she didn't have the option. You care about what people think of you and that's all,"

"I want her to have all the opportunities in the world! Don't blame me for shooting high for her. I want her to do whatever she wants to do. I just wanted her to make a more calculated decision by spending some time with these girls. Ultimately I want what she wants,"

"Yeah, well she wants what you want," he tilted his head to the side before the elevator door opened. "Blair, she's brilliant," he looked at her thoughtfully. "but she's gotta be happy," he stepped out of the elevator.

"What did you want to say about Patrick then?" she crossed her arms.

"I'm sure he's a great guy. I just don't think it's a good idea to have him around Nicky unless you're serious," he said simply. Blair nodded not expecting such words coming from Dan. She was almost saddened by how accepting he was. She couldn't help but imagine how she would feel if Dan had a girlfriend. Whenever the thought crossed her mind she immediately threw her focus into something that would occupy her brain. If she didn't, her imagination would run wild and she would want to scratch out the eyes of an imaginary woman she created in her head. The woman in her imagination was always tall and blonde, she never wondered why.

"Well, we're not really seeing each-other anymore...umm..."

"Yeah I heard he shaved and you only like him with a beard?"

"Who told you that?"

"Who do you think? He smiled.

"I'm going to kill that man-child..." she made a fist. Nicky walked into the foyer dressed in an outfit that made Blair's eyes widen. The outfit consisted of skinny jeans paired with a plaid tank-top and too many necklaces and bracelets to count.

"Let's go daddio!" she linked arms with him.

"You're going to wear that?" Blair eyed her up and down.

"I'm going to Brooklyn mommy! I have to fit in!"

**XOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK (NICKY AT 7)**

"Daddy, what is the word of the day?" Nicky asked sitting indian style on his leather swivel chair.

"Today's word is,..." he flipped his word of the day calendar to reveal "Remuneration"

"Hmm, Remuner...ation?"

"Yeah," Dan nodded. "It means like a payment, money,"

"Hmm, I wonder how i'll use that today..." she thought. "Yesterday I said 'albeit' as much as I could,"

"Whoa that's a big word,"

"No it's a small word Daddy. It's only six letters,"

"What I mean by 'a big word' is that it's complex for a seven year old,"

"How can a small word be a big word?,"

"I guess words that aren't necessary to get the point across can be considered 'big' words,"

"Oh!" she tapped her fingers on her chin. "Alright enough chit chat. I have to have breakfast before school or albeit be late,"

"Oh babe, no, that's not how you use it," he followed her into the kitchen explaining the proper way to utilize the word. Through-out breakfast Nicky babbled about her uniform and how itchy the socks were.

"You have to wear your socks," Blair said.

"But I don't _really_ want to," she made a weak argument starring at her mother who was flipping through a magazine.

"You have to wear your socks," Blair repeated placing her tea cup in its saucer.

"You'll get kicked out of school if your uniform is incomplete, trust me," Dan explained.

"Okay fine!" she pulled them back up from around her ankles. "Breakfast was delicious, albeit not our usual waffles," she looked to Dan to see if she was using it properly.

"Perfect," Dan smiled and nodded proudly. Nicky straightened up in her chair and beamed at her mother.

"Is your bag ready?" Blair asked.

"Yes, my bag is packed, albeit missing my lunch," she raised her finger in the air.

"You created a monster," Blair sighed as Nicky ran off to put her lunch in her knapsack.

"I'll see you at five?" Blair leaned over for a kiss.

"I have some editing so i'll probably be locked in the office,"

"When can I come and rescue you from the dungeon?" She smiled.

"Eight?" he shrugged.

"Okay, i'll see you then"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

"What if I told you I was pregnant?"

"Are you pregnant?" he looked up from his laptop to see Blair still looking down at hers on the couch opposite of him.

"No, but what would you say?"

"I don't know,.." He scratched the back of his head.

"I'm going to need a better answer than that."

"Blair," he sighed uncomfortably. "I don't know. I suppose we'd have to talk about our options. You know where I stand,"

"I do. But I would make the ultimate decision right?"

"It's your body. I can't tell you what to do,"

"Good answer," she smiled before typing wildly on her laptop.

"What are you doing over there?" Dan asked.

"Nothing. Just thought we could play loaded questions. It's good for us as a couple," there was some kind of satisfaction in her smile.

"Right..." Dan went back to his computer. "Molly is so mad at me for not going to the graduate retreat. She's like begging me now," he laughed lightly.

"Did you tell me that to upset me?" her eyes snapped up from the computer screen to look at him.

"No, I just thought i'd let you know that your boyfriend is a wanted man in Rome," he laughed. Blair scowled at him. "But," he smiled. "You want me to stay, so i'm staying,"

"Wanted by a girl that has a crush on you isn't exactly 'wanted'. I think Rome will survive without_ Dan Humphrey_," she scoffed.

"I'm just saying..." he made a face wondering if she meant to be so insulting. "This is a great opportunity i'm missing so maybe give me a little credit for agreeing that our relationship is more important than a three month writer's retreat,"

"It's not like you actually wanted to go," she didn't look up from her computer.

"Actually I did," he answered starring at her.

"Oh c'mon..." she peeled her eyes off her computer screen and rolled them dramatically.

"I told you I wanted to go," he sat up straight.

"And I said no"

"We agreed that I wouldn't. You didn't tell me that I wasn't allowed,"

"I told you no,"

"No, you thought it was a good idea because Connor recommended it and then cried like a little girl when you found out Molly was going to be there,"

"I didn't cry!" she roared. "I suggest you stop insulting me because i'm not very fond of you right now," she stared at him with something close to hatred.

"I'm sorry," he sighed going back to his laptop. They typed for a few minutes when Blair asked another question.

"Dan, what if I went to Chuck's after we had a fight?"

"What?" he looked up, "When did we fight?...When did you go to Chuck's?" his back tensed up, his eye brows knitted together trying to recall an instance.

"No, but what would you do if I did?"

"I don't know," she saw his jaw tighten and smirked to herself.

"Does that make you mad?"

"What?"

"That I asked it,...does it make you mad?"

"Blair what the hell are you doing?"

"Nothing," she stood. "Nina and I are going away for the weekend. I have to get ready," she gave him a little smack on the shoulder as she walked by.

"What?" Dan sat up straight.

"Are you upset that i'm going?" she looked over her shoulder.

"Well yeah,..." he said honestly.

"You can't control what I do with my free time," she stopped in front of the large mirror in the closet and began applying mascara.

"You just asked me to stay home with you. You threw a fit last week because I wanted to go to Rome and now you're going away with Nina?"

"Do you expect me to spend every waking second with you for the next three months?" she said with a snip in her voice.

"No, I just didn't expect you to get me to stay home and then take off on me the same night that the flight leaves,"

"I'm sorry, we just had this plan way before Rome even came up...I'm sorry," it was genuine enough, Dan nodded and walked over to kiss her goodbye even if she was still quite tense from the fight.

"I'll be home in a few hours," she gave him a peck on the lips and rushed to the elevator. When she headed outside a limo was parked, waiting for her. She slipped in and greeted Nina who was powdering her nose.

"So? How did he take this little impromptu trip?" she closed her compact with a snap.

"Surprisingly well," Blair smiled smugly.

"And you got him to decline the writer's retreat?"

"I did," she smirked.

"I thought he really wanted to go!"

"He did,...I convinced him not to," she smiled again. "I know it's silly but it gives me this sense of power I never had before. I could never get Chuck to choose me over his career."

"I think you're treading in dangerous water,"

"C'mon! one week and the article will be out,"

"And he has no idea? Hasn't he been editing this stuff?"

"No, Lint is. Dan is on client duty this week.."

"What!" she burst into laughter.

"He has to work his way up in the company. I can't hand him everything Nina," she relaxed in her seat and smiled blissfully.

"Take a look at the mock up" Nina showed Blair her laptop with the article they were working on.

**"HOW CAN YOU TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND IS A 'GOOD' BOYFRIEND: "**

**Who hasn't had a "bad" boyfriend?. While experiencing a "bad" boyfriend may be good in appreciating the "good" boyfriend that comes along later... These simple steps may cut your time in half when trying to find out if this current bf has what it takes to become a long-term bf.**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

There was a skip in Blair's step when she returned to Dan's apartment after a spa weekend. "I'm home!" she called out thinking he might greet her. Instead of him rushing in and sweeping her off her feet like she had hoped, she found him sitting in his office starring out the window. It was quiet, he only sound that could be heard was the loud second hand of the roman numeral clock hanging above Dan's desk.

"Humphrey!" she yelled. Dan turned in his computer chair and looked up at her.

"Oooo mister grumpy today?" she smirked and walked over to kiss him. Dan didn't kiss back and she noticed his jaw was tighter than usual. "Mmmm..." she smiled impishly running her finger tips around his jawline while sitting herself in his lap. "I missed you," she tried kissing again but Dan tensed up in his chair.

"_Why are you so mad?_," she whispered in his ear. When Dan pretended he was angry it thrilled her. There was something about the growl in his voice that got her hot. "Am I in trouble?" she pressed her forehead against his. Dan got up from his chair and headed into the living-room picking up Blair's laptop and holding it in the air.

"What are you doing?" she asked mildly alarmed.

"You wanna explain this?" he walked over, holding the laptop out.

"What are you doing reading my laptop notes?"

"Like you don't read through mine or check my emails,"

"I thought you knew boundaries!"she snatched it out of his hand.

"I thought you did too!" he yelled. "What is this? You spent three weeks testing me?"

"On the contrary, I spent four weeks evaluating you"

"Four weeks? God, Blair!" he shook his head.

"What?" she laughed lowly. "It was harmless! I got some work done and you didn't even know you were helping" the nonchalance in her voice infuriated him.

"You made up situations trying to falsify me"

"No, I carefully concocted situations to verify you!" she corrected loudly.

"To verify me? To verify that i'm worthy?" he massaged his temples not sure he could talk to her without raising his voice. "What if I didn't pass this test of yours?..."

"You passed with flying colours," she smiled.

"Blair,..." he closed his eyes.

"What? nothing happened, it's all over now" she shrugged.

"So if I didn't respond to one of your tests the way you wanted, you would have broken up with me?" he asked.

"No, it's not like that, you had area for a few missteps..."

"I can't believe you're acting like this is totally normal,...Blair, this is insane" he blinked as she took a seat.

"I disagree," she said with flippancy as she removed her shoes and primly moved them to the side of the chair.

"You made me miss my flight..., you made me stay home,"

"I didn't make you, you decided not to," she corrected. Dan starred at her not impressed in the least as she wiggled her toes. "You've got to be kidding me!"

"Fine..." she put her foot down.

"You inadvertently made me choose between my career and you...do you see how dangerous that is?"

"Who said it was inadvertently?"

"Blair," he groaned. "You don't see anything wrong with what you've done?"

"It's not like it was your career. You're not even a published writer so I highly doubt this is a blow to your career,..."

"This is not okay,..." he pressed his lips together and for a moment he thought she looked genuinely sorry for what she had done.

"Okay,... I won't do it again. I'm sorry can you forgive me?" she looked up at him waiting for an answer.

"...Yes. Of Course I can," he answered quietly "but,...I think we should maybe talk a little more about why you felt the need to...what are you doing?"

"Nothing,..." she looked up. Dan walked over and Blair closed her notebook.

"Are you evaluating me on how I accept an apology?"

"...I just..." he snatched it out of her hand and noticed she marked that he accepted the apology with ease.

"Wowwwww," his choice of word dragged as his eyes widened. "Well, I feel great now," he said sarcastically.

"It's the last part!" she laughed. "I promise!"

"No, you,...you're not getting this. I...," he held his hand out. "Do you have any clue how much you manipulated me in these last three weeks? It's not funny and it's not clever and it's not...it's _not right_. You stand there acting like it's not a big deal and you are proud of yourself for terrifying me, for angering me, for worrying me,...and you think it's okay to play with people's emotions like that?"

"It was for work," she exhaled some air and crinkled her forehead not understanding why he couldn't comprehend the idea behind her article.

"So what you're just with me because you like the things I do for you?" he asked sadly.

"No,...no!" she stood shaking her head furiously. "It was for an article. I never thought you would find out. It was for work I promise,"

Dan stared at her trying to put into words how he felt right now. "I just,..." he gulped. "You played me. It was a game," he said simply.

"It was _NOT_ a game" her resolved changed immediately. Her voice dropped and her eyes locked on his.

"It was fun for you, and it was manipulative, you tricked me for your own gain,"

"it wasn't for me,..."

"Look me straight in the eye and tell me it was just for work"

"Dan..."

"It doesn't even matter if it was. You are incapable of giving a genuine apology because you don't think you did anything wrong,"

"Dan,..."

"I don't know if I can trust you now,"

"Don't say that. That's idiotic" she rolled her eyes.

"How?, the next time you call and tell me something terrible has happened how can I trust you?. Blair you made me decide between a writing retreat that would benefit my career, and staying home because you didn't want me to leave! I declined!. You made me your personal assistant..."

"I know," she looked at the floor.

"That's not okay."

"I'm sorry,"

"We are clearly not equals here and I..." he swallowed and looked at her worried face. "From the moment we started dating I told myself I will do anything for you. I allowed myself to take care of your every beck and call because in my eyes I'm so lucky to have you. I felt that you were miles above me and I should do these things for you because maybe I didn't think I deserved you..." he bit his lip. "...But i never thought you felt the same way," he took a deep breath. "Well until now..."

"I don't think of you that way Dan,"

"Yes, you do,...and I don't mind that you don't say thank-you, or please or that you expect things from me but I never anticipated you claiming you deserved this and that I needed to be studied like a social experiment,.."

"I don't know where to go from here" she shrugged. "I'm just going to leave..."

"Wait,...wait,...no" he grabbed her hand. "Stay and talk this out with me"

"We're just going to fight!"

"We need to fight right now!,...fighting makes things better. Things have to get worse before they get better..."

"No,.." She pulled away.

"Don't walk away from me, if you walk away then you were never here to begin with..."

"What does that even mean?"

"C'mon Blair, If you want to leave stop threatening, i'm not keeping you here against your will...you have independence, you can do whatever you want to do," Blair lip shook a little. "You are an adult that makes her own decisions not a guided butterfly," his hands loosened up.

"You can even go to Chuck,..."

"Why would you say that? I didn't actually go there, I just told you I did..."

"Oh! For your survey?" he nodded and let go of her hands completely.

"Fine,...i'll stay at my mom's tonight and tomorrow..."

"No," he shook his head. "Blair, I mean...if you want to go...go"

"Fine!" she cried. "If you don't want me here then fine," she wiped her eyes.

"You know what i'm saying, don't spin this..." he said in a deep voice. "Don't ask for me to beg you to stay, you either want to be with me or you don't. If I tell you to stay it's going to do nothing but play on your emotions. Don't do anything for me, what do you want?"

"I don't know," she cried.

"Blair, I've been feeling really off about our relationship for the last week but I thought this feeling might pass. I get the feeling you really like the things I do for you but you don't actually like me,"

"What?" her eyes were swimming. "That's not true," she squeaked.

"I need to know how you feel about me right now. I need to know what you want out of our relationship,"

"I..."

"What do you want?" he asked louder.

"..."

"I,..." Dan said clearly. "I'm calling Molly and see if a spot is still open...,"

"I don't want you to go!" she cried out feeling like everything was out of control.

"Why?," he said softly trying to take hold of her hands. "Why not?"

"I don't know!" she cried harder pulling away.

"It's not that hard Blair. What do you want?"

"I'll have Dorota come get my things," she moved away.

"Okay so we're done," Dan clapped his hands together as a book end of sorts.

We're done. We're done. We're done. We're done. It played through her head all night. What did that mean? They were done with the conversation. They were done fighting? Or THEY were done?

Her bed lacked it's usual comfort. Blair realized it was because the sheets didn't smell like cost efficient brand laundry detergent. Obviously had nothing to do with the man that occupied the right side of her for the last fourteen weeks, it must have been the detergent. She hated to admit it but the cheap stuff Dan used smelled better than anything her mother ever insisted Dorota use when laundering. She would make Dorota start washing her sheets with the same stuff and then she'd be able to sleep again. She hasn't received so much as a text from him in three days. She didn't know why they even bothered trying a relationship. It obviously wasn't going to work anyway. Dan was in Rome now, her clothing was all back in her closet at her mother's and things were back to normal.

"Maybe mister Dan you miss?" Dorota tilted her head to the side.

"Stop making excuses about not understanding how to wash laundry properly!" she flipped through her magazine.

"Miss Blair, I use same soap...," she groaned

"Well, the it must be the fabric softener!" she snapped. "Go wash it again!" her eyes widened.

"What softener mister Dan use?"

"I don't know!" she threw her head back. "Fine, I will go over there and find out,"

When Blair entered the apartment a rush fell over her. She just wanted to get in Dan's big bed and turn on the Netflix. There was comfort here that she hadn't felt in her own apartment in months.

"Blair!" Nate walked towards her.

"I'm just here for fabric softener," she hurried to the laundry room. Finding a neatly stacked basket full of clothes Blair lifted one of her shirts and sighed before smelling it. It was the last thing she had left there.

"uhm...Did you talk to him?" she tried to sound casual when Nate followed her through the apartment.

"I did," he smiled lightly knowing what she was getting at. Blair pressed her lips together with an overly showy nod hoping he would go on.

"Sent me some pictures and everything,"

"let me see them," she said almost too eagerly.

Sitting at the kitchen counter, Nate went through the photos on his phone showing Blair that Dan seemed to be doing just fine these last few days without her.

"Molly?,..." she looked closer after snatching the phone out of Nate's hand. "Of course Dan is the kind of guy who tastes grade A steak but settles on meatloaf,..."

"Who said he was seeing her? And I don't know...she seemed nice when I met her,"

"Nice? So now he needs nice? Molly is not close to having a high enough intellect to keep up with Dan. Tell me what they would talk about!" she scoffed.

"She was smart enough to go to Yale" Nate said.

"Oh please! Molly is the most prominent example of nepotism there is. Her father, grandfather and great-grandfather all taught there. Her mother got her BA there..she wrote one of her finals on 'Twilight' for the love of god. And let me tell you!," she held her index finger out and pointed at him, "Intellect is not always genetic,"

"He's not dating her Blair..." Nate felt the need to remind her she was getting worked up over nothing.

"I know...just if he was it would be a poor choice..Dan should be with someone that is as smart and driven as he is. Someone that shares his love of foreign films, movie reviews and gallery exhibits...might be hard to find someone who appreciates Joseph Beuys the way he does,...I mean really who does?... But still! At least someone that can debate with him. Someone that challenges him. And appreciates him,..and had sexual chemistry because really we all know that is the number one importance in a relationship. That and trust...he needs to be with someone who..." she held her hand out.

"Someone like you?"

"Not at all what I'm saying Nathaniel," she said as she went back to the laundry room.

"I'm reading between the lines Blair,"

"You know how to read?" her eyes widened with her flat insult.

"Blair,..." he sighed being that he was used to her insults. "what are you even doing here?"

"I just,...I need to grab some laundry detergent that's all," she grabbed Dan's laundry detergent and got into the elevator. Nate snickered and waved goodbye to her.

"Warped logic and denial...I think that's love..."

**XOXOX**

"I use same detergent, I use same softener...still don't smell right to you," Dorota threw her hands in the air in sheer frustration.

"I don't know why, it just doesn't," she smelled her blanket again. "It's like it's not even my blanket..." she said sadly.

"Like I say before, you miss mister Dan,"

"I do not,..I don't. I just miss his apartment," she sighed blowing hair out of her face and packing a bag.

Nate jumped out of his skin when Blair loudly announced her arrival.

"Blair..." Nate sighed, taking his attention away from his date who was nursing a glass of red.

"I need to sleep here," she announced without the etiquette of asking politely.

"Okay, why?" he asked excusing himself from his date.

"I haven't slept more than three hours every night since I left. Work is suffering. I just need to catch up on sleep. As much as I hate to admit it,..this place is like home to me. It's been that way for awhile now,"

"You don't have to explain," he gestured with his hand out, letting her know, "mi casa su casa..."

Blair gave Nate's date the once over, finding nothing to comment on, and went off to Dan's room. Immediately she crawled up on to Dan's bed and closed her eyes. The sheets smelled right, the pillow elevated her head at the perfect height, this was going to be her best sleep all week. Only it wasn't. Blair turned to the alarm clock on Dan's side of the bed and saw it was three am. She took a calming breath knowing there was no sense in getting worked up. She would eventually fall asleep. But she didn't, it was four am when she started to cry and four thirty when she made her way down the hall and knocked on Nate's door.

"Nate..." she sniffed.

"What's wrong," he squinted at the light coming into his bedroom.

"I don't know," she ran and got on the bed. Nate was a good substitution for Dan. She finally fell asleep around four thirty, snuggled close to Nate.

**XOXO**

**FLASHBACK (NICKY AT 7)**

"Can I go in his office?" Nicky asked her mother.

"No, it's almost eight let's give him his time," she began emptying their shopping bags on the marble counter top.

"Mommy I need to know my word of the day. I have to use it at least 10 times before bed!" she was frustrated to no end. Dan had been locked in his office all day so she didn't have the chance to learn the word of the day that morning. She didn't even have a chance to say good morning or get a kiss before leaving for a full day of visits and shopping; neither did Blair. She attempted to say goodbye to him but he wasn't in a position to take his hands off the keyboard and she felt it was better to just leave him be.

"We'll get it soon okay?" she pulled some beauty products out of the bag, Nicky looked over with wonder.

"What's that?" she enquired climbing up on to a kitchen stool.

"a face mask,"

"What do you do with it?"

"You put it on your face,"

"What for?"

"It's a beauty method,"

"Why do you need it? Daddy already thinks you're the most beautiful girl,"

"And may he continue to think that well into our old age!," she giggled holding the mask packet.

"Can we go get him now?" Nicky asked.

"Let's have dessert and then we'll open the door to his dungeon ok?" she pulled a tub of ice cream out of the freezer.

"His dungeon..." she laughed lightly. "Daddy loves his office,"

"Not when he's forced to be in there all day," she explained scooping some of the dessert into a bowl.

"What's all this?" she commented on the papers surrounding Nicky at the table.

"My notes,"

"Your notes on what?" Blair asked adding another scoop to her daughter's bowl.

"On what i'll do in Paris if I ever get the chance to go. It's on my bucket list,"

"I think having a bucket list at seven is morbid..."

"Sometimes you gotta start early or you won't get everything in!" she explained to her mother.

"I see. Well, you can scratch off 'Visit Paris', you've been there," Blair winked at her.

"Mommy I was a baby!,"

"You've still be there," she nodded with amusement.

"Fine, I'll write the things I want to do in Paris!" she pointed before grabbing her fancy pen with the large feather and began a list that started with visit the Eiffel Tower. "When do you think i'll be able to scratch this off mummy?"

"Maybe you and I can go next year?"

"When? What month? I need to know what to pack," she flipped her notebook over to a new page and eagerly waited for her mom to answer.

"I don't know Sweets. Maybe the winter,"

"Then i'll need my houndstooth coat, and all my berets..." she pressed the pen to the page.

"Hold your horses my love we don't have plane tickets do we?"

"No,"

"Then don't worry about writing lists yet. Let's focus on bucket list things we can conquer in the city ok?"

"I've done everything in New York!" she sighed.

"You most definitely have not," Blair's eyes widened before she saw the large clock strike 8 pm. "Hold that thought. I'm going to get daddy," Blair slipped off her stool and knocked on the library door.

"You still need more time?" she poked her head in.

"Yeah," he looked up almost unimpressed she disturbed him.

"10 more minutes?,"

"Yeah sure. Whatever," he gestured again for her to close the door.

Blair returned to Nicky. "MY WORD MOMMY!"

"Ok ok! Hold on," she ran back. "Dan?" she peered in.

"WHAT?" Dan snapped up from his computer screen.

"I just need your calendar...geez," Dan tossed it to her.

"What's my word?" Nicky asked holding her spoon above her head.

"Your word is 'abrasive' which is exactly what daddy is right now..." Blair set the calendar on the counter.

"What does that mean?" Nicky asked.

"Irritated, aggravated..."

"Maybe if I go in his office and look at him i'll get a better understanding," she slipped off her stool.

"No, no, no Sweets." Blair wrapped her arm around her shoulder. "Let's talk about Paris," she rested her chin in her hand and tried to distract Nicky from interrupting Dan.

"I seriously can't believe I've been alive for seven years and haven't been to Paris!"

"You've been there!" Blair laughed. "Trust me, I will never forget taking you on an airplane at eight months old. The first and last time daddy and I ever put you on a plane before you could speak in full sentences,"

**XOXOXOXOX**

"Alright times up Mister Humphrey," Blair came back ten minutes later after a discussion about what was on her personal bucket list over another scoop of ice cream.

"Uhm, I'm sending things to Jerry can you give me another 20 minutes?"

"You said eight and now it's...," she trailed off looking at his clock.

"I know. But please...close the door," he gestured before spinning back to his computer.

The phone rang and Dan shouted, "Don't answer it, it's for me!" he groaned and rushed out of the office when the ringing stopped.

"Nicole Brianna Humphrey, speaking..." Nicky was licking the back of her spoon as she spoke into the phone. Dan ripped it from her hand and held it to his ear before heading outside to the balcony.

"Did he just take the phone from you?" Blair asked.

"yeah," she looked up confused.

A moment later Dan came stomping in from the balcony, headed straight for his office.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" Blair laid a hand on his shoulder. Dan continued to the office and slammed the door. Nicky practically jumped out of her seat by the loud, cracking sound of the door. Blair looked over at her daughter appalled with Dan's behaviour.

"What the hell was that?" she stood in the doorway, hands on her hips. "Elevator now!" she pointed.

"Forget that..." he fell into his computer chair.

"I'd rather she didn't hear her parents fight for the second time this week. Please join me in the elevator,"

Dan reluctantly got out of his seat and followed Blair. She pressed a button causing the doors to close and then another to take them on trip that would give them enough time to sort this out.

"We do not slam doors...," she started scolding him as if he was a young child.

"Jerry just told me that I have one more week to prove that I can write this book or they're giving the piece to someone else,"

"Dan,..."

"Are you happy now? Are you happy that I can't write it?"

"I didn't say that,"

"Well, I know you're thinking it,"

"Okay, it's time to take a break," she laid her hand over his shoulder.

"Didn't you hear what I just said?...I have a week!"he pulled away from her, angry that she would suggest a break at a time like this.

"So what you're going to lock yourself in your office for the week?...it's break time. I told Nicky you'd read to her before bed,"

"Why did you do that?" he groaned smacking another floor button so they wouldn't arrive at their apartment.

"Oh i'm sorry..." she said through clenched teeth. "I thought maybe it would be nice for her to spend some time with you considering you haven't seen her _all day_," she said with a stern voice.

"okay fine,.." he didn't want to argue with her.

"No no, it's okay. I'll do it. I wouldn't want you to feel obligated to your daughter,...I wouldn't want you to think of her as a burden,"

"I don't think of her as a burden," Dan closed his eyes briefly.

"You better not," there was an intensity in her eyes that made him know what she was getting at.

"When we get back tell her to pick out a book," Dan said.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yeah," he nodded running a hand through his hair.

"I was thinking maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea if she went with my dad"

"No,...she's not going for that long,"

"Dan, think about it. It's a stressful time for both of us. There's nothing wrong with her going to France. It'll be a great opportunity for her and when she gets back everything will slow down. We won't have to rush around as much, or get so many people to babysit. We can have some alone time..."

"It makes me feel like we're shipping her off for selfish reasons,"

"Dan, she wants to go," Blair smiled. "She even made a list of what to bring and what she wanted to do while there. She promised me that it was just in case she ever gets to go. She wants to go, she loves the idea of going,"

XOXOXOX

When Dan finished reading to Nicky he teased her about Paris. "I'm sorry but we're never taking you there...you'll have to wait until you can afford your own plane ticket,"

"Mommy!" she whined.

"That's going to be on your bucket list forever..." he made a face. "I feel so terrible because you'll never scratch it off...Eiffel Tower..HA! good-luck.."

"Isn't he the worst?" Blair rolled her eyes. "He's just teasing you because I finished talking to Grand-dad and he told me he'd be delighted to have you this summer," she smiled watching Nicky's whole face light up.

"When?" she stared at her mother frozen in place.

"Depends,...can you be ready and packed by tomorrow night?"

"OF COURSE I CAN!" she pushed all the covers off the bed as she leaped into Blair's arms.

"Shhhh," Blair laughed as she let go and jumped into Dan's arms.

"How long?" she squeezed Dan's shoulder's.

"He said he'll be coming back to New York for labour day..." he smirked.

"Daddy that's a month!"

"Oh I know. We're going to miss you," he pushed a strand of brown hair off her forehead and kissed her tenderly.

"AHHH I GET TO GO FOR A MONTH!"

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

When Dan and Blair got into bed, she opened a book and flipped on her side lamp. Dan stripped and got under the covers starring at the window. "It's so nice that she's getting what she wants. It's perfect timing too. I'll have my summer issue out by the time she gets home and you'll be done your book..."

"You say that like they're going to let me write it..." he sighed.

"Dan?..." she rubbed his shoulder blade. "You're going to be fine honey..." For some reason Dan felt the pity. Blair rarely called him 'honey' unless she was taunting him.

"I don't know..." he stared at the window, the city lights making orbs on the drapes. "I feel like I can't do anything right..."

"You just need a break," she kissed the back of his neck, taking in his scent and just hoping he was going to be okay. "You just need to relax for a little while," Dan turned to face her.

"That's rich coming from you," he smirked.

"I know," she laughed lightly. "But you've kept me calm at my most stressful and I think you should take a piece of your own advice. Just take it easy and relax," she rubbed the hair by his temple before closing in on a kiss. Dan's breathing was shallow and she finally felt like he was calm.

"You know what we haven't done in a long time?" Dan raised his eyebrows.

"I don't know what you're talking about..." she smiled flipping a page of her book. Dan crawled up under the covers and Blair couldn't help but giggle as he kissed her inner thighs. "Nicky!" Blair said out of nowhere causing Dan to freeze. "Go to bed sweetheart, it's late" she pushed on the covers to smooth them out.

"Can I sleep in here?"

"No!" Blair said instantly. "Why,...why would you want to sleep in here?. You'll get a better sleep in your own bed" When Nicky was gone Dan slowly pulled off the lacy panties she was wearing. She continued to giggle. "Oooo" she smiled when she felt his hot mouth on her. She tried to continue reading her novel but it was proving difficult with what Dan was doing under the covers. "mmmm" she closed her eyes and the book dropped on to the floor. She laid back and enjoyed him, her legs pushed even further apart as he nudged them.

"Dan..." she moaned now lightly touching his hair under the covers.

"Mommy..." Nicky rested her head on the door frame. Blair's eyes shot open distraught, her hand immediately pressed on Dan's head pushing him away.

"What?" she sat up straight and swallowed. Her face was flushed and her body language was rigid.

"I really think I should start packing now," Blair pressed her lips together with disappointment before she told Nicky that they would pack first thing in the morning. "Ok fine,...can you tuck me in again?"

"Umm..yes...just give me a moment...go on,"

"Where's daddy?"

"He's,...on the balcony"

"Mommy!"

"No no no, he's not smoking. He's just getting some inspiration...go to bed i'll be right there!"

"Stop...stop...Dan..." Blair giggled as she tried to get out of the bed.

"Be quick..." his hands ran the length of her legs as she pulled away.

"...Behave" she picked up her panties.

"No no no, Don't put them on. I'm not done," he smiled smugly before placing his hands behind his head.

When she made her return she smirked impishly while locking the door; something they should have done in the first place. Blair crawled up Dan until she reached his lips, she kissed him gently at first and then with more force before Dan grabbed hold of her hips and pulled them towards him. "I said I wasn't done," he pushed at the silk of her nightgown and pulled her down, burying his face where she was burning hot. Soon Blair was grasping on to the leather headboard and willing herself to keep quiet.

**XOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

"Blair, you look like hell," Andrea commented on her eyes, dark rimmed and bloodshot. It was 10 am and she could only get about three hours of sleep.

"I've hardly slept all week..." she explained. "Listen I know we were supposed to talk about the article..."

"Don't tell me you're not done..."

"Well,..."

"You told me you had the best writers on this one. You explained one of the most interesting articles i've heard in a long time. People were going to eat it up...don't tell me you changed your mind,"

"I _have_ changed my mind. I actually couldn't get enough material and...it became personal..."

"Blair give your notes to someone else,"

"No, this can't be published,"

"Hand them over or we'll have to let you go,"

"What like fire me?" her jaw dropped.

"We can't promise an article like this and take it away. If you can't produce, we no longer need your services. So hand over your notes,"

"You'll have to fire me. There absolutely no way in hell i'm letting this article be published,"

"Blair,..."

"If you fire her, i'm going too," Nina took a stand.

"I will find something better to fill its place. Just give me a couple days. I promise it'll be better. Just please..."

"You have until tomorrow," she turned on her heels.

Blair took a sigh of relief and quickly went to work with Nina. Gulping down endless cups of coffee Blair yawned and made her way through the file folder trying to salvage as much as she could. Most pages were ripped out and tossed in the garbage. Nina typed frantically as Blair dictated an outline. Blair almost toppled out of her chair when she received an email from Dan.

"Okay next," Nina let her know that she was done typing.

"Just hold on for a second," she opened the email.

**Blair, meet me on the MET steps at 6 -Dan.**

"Nina, what time is it?"

"5:27," she answered.

"oh my god..." she scrubbed a hand over her face.

"Nina," Blair called out in a low voice. Nina looked up from her computer and made a face as if to ask her what was wrong.

"I have to go," she wiped at her eyes.

"Blair we have to get this done or you could get fired," her eyes widened with seriousness.

"Then they can fire me," she shrugged with a sniff. "I have to go,"

"Okay sweetie," Nina nodded worrying about her. "Everything's ok?"

"It will be!" she made an attempt at a smile before picking up her bag. "Thank you," she smiled the best she could before handing Nina a note she had been working on throughout the day.

When she arrived at the Met there were students sitting on the steps just like she used to when she attended Constance. She checked her phone to see that it was exactly six o'clock on the dot but Dan was nowhere to be found. She decided to head inside the museum thinking he may be checking out a new exhibit but he wasn't there. "Blair!" she heard a voice and spun in the direction.

"I guess twenty minutes isn't enough time to get here from my office,"

"Chuck?" she swallowed, suddenly feeling like she couldn't breathe. Her throat was tight and sore.

"How are you? I'm sorry I'm late," he tried to take her hand in his. Blair was so stunned and confused in the moment she allowed him to hold her hand. She didn't answer him she just looked around. "Are you sick?"

"No...no, I'm not," she wiped at her eyes wondering if she actually looked that bad.

"I have to tell you I was surprised by your email,"

"I didn't send you an email Chuck," she pulled her hand away from him and had a strong urge to wipe it on her dress, touching him felt dirty.

"Then what are you doing here?" his voice became deeper now. "I got an email from you about a half hour ago," he lifted the sleeve of his suit jacket and checked his rolex.

"So did I...but it wasn't from you,"

"Who did you expect?" he said in his usual overly deep voice.

"...Dan," she answered softly, not looking Chuck in the eyes.

"Humphrey? why would Humphrey do this?"

"He didn't. I think Serena did," she inhaled.

"Kind of amateur scheming is it not? We both figured it out already..." his eyes squinted.

"But gossip girl hasn't,.." Blair sighed loudly as a girl snapped a picture of them. "That's just perfect!" she groaned and closed her eyes before taking a seat on the step and burying her head in her hands. Chuck was never good at comforting, Blair cried silently and hoped he would just go away.

"It's not really anything to cry over Blair..." he spoke standing in front of her.

"I'm just so tired,..." she pursed her lips together and tried to stop the tears.

"Come home with me,"

"No,"

"I heard you and Humphrey broke up. I can't say i'm surprised. I'm glad you dated him though...I think you needed to get him out of your system. Now you know and can move on,"

"Chuck can you just leave me alone?" her tired eyes pleaded.

"Oh come on Blair. You knew we were inevitable. I wish you would just stop fighting it," she could see his shoes in front of her. "Get in my limo,"

"I'm not going anywhere with you Chuck," she stood and headed down the street.

"I think it would be wise if you got into the limo," he noticed Blair was still having her picture taken.

"Chuck we're not getting back together,"

"Tell me,...what does your relationship with him have over what we had?"

"I'm not going to answer that,"

"Tell me,"

"You really are a masochist," she kept walking.

"I need to know!"

"No you don't!" she yelled back.

"What was your sex life like?"

"Go away Chuck..." she warned.

"What was it like?," he asked with a smile growing on his face. " Remember what our sex life was like? Remember the excitement? Remember the passion? You'll never have that with Humphrey. See? You can't even answer the question. It's a simple question Blair. What did your relationship with him have over our relationship? " when she didn't answer he laughed. "You can't even answer because you know the answer is _nothing_. Tell me what your sex life was like"

"Why is the sex so important to you?"

"Because I could use a good laugh," he said smugly. "I know how important sex is to you,"

"It's not the end all be all Chuck,"

"The most important thing in a relationship is sex. How was the sex?"

"I never hated myself afterwards," she said hoping it was insulting enough to have him leave her alone.

"And you did with me?" he asked.

"On occasion,"

"Why because I made you feel like a whore?"

"Sometimes!," she felt her jaw tighten.

"Why do you think that is?" he looked at her with empty eyes and what Blair would associate with resentment.

"There...there it is," she nodded before turning away from him and continuing down the sidewalk.

"There what is?"

"There is the reason we will never be together. You come here with all these good intentions and the second you feel like you're losing you have to try a new tactic and insult me. It doesn't work!" she walked faster now, wondering why she wore such high heels.

"What kind of positions..."

"I'm NOT answering that!"

"What positions!" he seethed.

"Why do you want to know?" she hailed a cab.

"Because I can't stand the thought of someone else touching you," he growled.

"So you need to torture yourself with details?"

"Does he go down on you?"

"YES!" she yelled becoming furious with him. Chuck was breathing in and out with rage.

"You go down on him?" he pursed his lips together.

"We do EVERYTHING," she retorted with clarity.

"And it was good?"

"Sweeter than you," she got into her cab.

"You should be with me and you know it," he held on to the door.

"Why is that? Why should I be with you?" she asked as her lips trembled.

"Because I'm Chuck Bass," it slipped through his lips for the umpteenth time.

"That doesn't mean anything to me. At least not what you think it means,"

Chuck slammed the door shut in a fit of rage.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

Nate walked into the kitchen at 3 am to find Blair eating Easy Mac. "Ahem,..." he coughed into his hand and Blair twisted around to see him.

"There was just nothing else to eat so..." she tapped her fork on the side of the porcelain bowl self-consciously.

"Right. Because you're too good for Easy Mac," he rolled his eyes playfully.

"Obviously," she said carefully, pushing the bowl in front of her. "I know you must be wondering what i'm doing awake at this ungodly hour. My internal clock has officially synchronized with the strippers and prostitutes of New York...I'm not proud of it," she pulled the bowl back and took a bite, immediately embarrassed that she did, she pushed it back.

"You don't have to put on a mask for me Blair. I know you love it. It's okay to love Easy Mac..." he walked over to a cabinet and took out a mug.

"It gives me indigestion so it doesn't love me back..." she examined her fork noticing how fluorescent orange it was, knowing that a year ago she would never even try such a food, let alone call it "food". Dan explained that you can't knock something until you try it and she soon realized he was right.

"I might not be as good at this as you and Humphrey but are we talking in metaphors?" he smirked. "Dan is the easy mac right?"

"I'm not having this conversation..." she rubbed her eyebrows wondering what happened to her life. "In what world..." she rested her elbows on the marble thinking her life was so messed up. She was ashamed for being there, she was ashamed for being awake at 3 am with the tweakers and strippers, she was ashamed for eating easy mac.

"I'm not judging you. Easy Mac is good stuff. I know I love it," a smile spread across his face as he filled his mug with water.

"It's pretty good," she spoke before taking another bite. "Want to join me?" she gestured to the stool beside her when Nate was about to exit the kitchen.

"It's uh 3 am Blair,"

"I can't sleep," she stirred her bowl.

"Hey, why don't you email him?,"

"I can't. I don't know what i'd say and even if I did,...Serena would just delete it anyway..."

"She has access to his email?"

"Mhmm...she had mine too but I changed my password." she looked defeated as she stared into space. She didn't have a plan like she usually did, she was off her game.

"Well you can talk to him tomorrow when he gets home,"

"What?" her eyebrows lifted. "It's only been a week,"

"He can't write without his muse," Nate smiled lightly.

"Are you messing with me?" she dropped her fork and finished chewing.

"No, I just got off Skype with him,"

"Why didn't you tell me?" she said almost too loudly. "Nate!"

"Oh shush. He didn't want me to tell you. I'm a good friend. I keep secrets,"

"You're not a good friend to me because you were obviously going behind my back!"

"Chill drama queen," he drank from his cup.

"He's going to see those pictures of Chuck and I at the Met..."

"Nah, he doesn't care about Gossip Girl anymore,"

"Still..."

"Don't sweat it. He's not going to care. He might be confused but when you explain that Serena is a nut-job he'll understand. I wonder if he noticed that she's been messing with his email...,"

"Do you think he'll talk to me?"

"Why wouldn't he?" he made his exit from the kitchen.

Blair shrugged unsure. "Night, Nate. And umm...can you keep this to yourself?"

"What that you love Easy Mac?...I think he already knows," he smiled and winked.

**XOXOXOXOOXOX**

The girl watched him with anticipation as he pulled his bag over his shoulder and stuffed his phone into his pocket, seeing he had no messages. Keeping her emotions in check she took a deep steadying breath and continued to stand in place. Dan's muscles rippled beneath his white v-neck, she wondered why she hadn't noticed how fit he was the week prior. Had she been ignoring him or was this simply because at this moment she craved him.

It took all she had to not run towards him and throw her arms around his neck. The reason the girl needed to keep her distance was because she didn't know if he would be happy to see her. She didn't know if being here was a mistake. As he came closer she found herself starring at her shoes. The black toes of her pumps seemed safer right now. She felt a breeze as he walked past her. Her eyes shut and squeezed together until she felt him stop. In this moment she could feel her heart thumping fast and hard against her chest as he walked back noticing the brunette girl in head-to-toe Chanel. When she looked up he smiled softly. Without knowing the technicalities of what happened next, his bag hit the floor, she grasped on to him, and him to her.

It was like everything fell back into the right place as he buried his head in the crook of her neck. It was like air returned to his lungs and like her heart could beat properly again. That strange lost feeling she had disappeared in this instance as her arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders. Her stomach knots loosened and untangled themselves. That unsettling feeling that woke him up in the middle of the night for the last week dissolved as his arms crossed over her back and held her flush against him. A woman smacked the shoulder of her husband to get his attention. He looked over at the couple wrapped in each-others arms. Neither one saying a word, just standing there as if they were frozen in place. "How sweet is that?" she commented. "I wish you were still that happy to pick me up at the airport," she chuckled as they made their way through the terminal. Without pulling away, Blair opened her eyes. The prickly feeling at the emergence of tears floated away and she finally felt it was safe to open them.

"_I'm so happy you're here_," She felt a welling of tears at the joy of his words

"_I'm sorry_," she breathed. Dan shook his head and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I don't want to do this now," he pulled her back into his embrace. Whatever happened now, they were going to work it out. They didn't have to talk about it now. The fact they were both hanging on to each-other with dear life was enough for both of them to know that this issue would be solved. He pulled back so he could look at her face, his hand caressed her cheek and she relished in the contact. "Are you okay?" he asked adoringly when he examined her eyes. Blair nodded gently,

"Just exhausted," she smiled. "I bought you a present" she cleared her throat and hoped her eyes weren't too glossy. "Did you buy me one?" she looked up making Dan laugh. "I mean...," she swallowed realizing how it sounded. "Can we go home?" she linked her hand with his.

"Mine or yours?," he kissed the side of her head and took her hand in his.

"Ours," she ran her thumb over the back of his hand.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**A/N: It doesn't end here I just thought the chapter was long enough. This chapter is like my least favourite but it had to happen. There is a really sweet part coming up where they talk about their issues and everything is worked out. I think the next chapter is going to have a few big important moments in their lives. The flashbacks won't be as in order as they have been in the past. I had to show them get together and break up and get back together but the rest of their lives before they get married is just a few instances that i'll throw in the next chapter. Things are heating up! I'm going to tell you what Dan did in the next chapter and I hope you all accept it as a story i'm telling and not as an OOC mess. Thanks for reading! let me know the parts you liked because I can always try and add more of said moments :) xoxox FQ**


	7. Love Fool

**A/N:** This chapter starts where the last left off. Dan and Blair get home after the airport. I'm so glad you're still reading :) I did promise some things in the last chapter but I found this worked much better. This would have been a 30,000 word chapter if I didn't split it up and I don't know anyone who wants to read that...so this is just broken up. The next chapter should come quickly because it's pretty much written. Thanks to Sara for always helping me when i'm stuck on something and need help moving on, you rock my friend!- **Enjoy!**

**XOXOXOXOXOXO**

**LOVEFOOL**

By The Cardigans

From: **Romeo + Juliet**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

*****When I tell my daughter it's time for bed she waits for me to hop on the bed with her. She's nine now, and I don't think I can carry her any more. There was a time when I never thought she'd get too big or too old to carry. When first born she was a delicate and tiny. She weighed exactly six pounds. By the time she was a year-old she was perfectly chunky, i'll never forget her perfect little cheeks with those magnificient dimples. My chunky baby didn't last very long, by two she thinned out to being so tiny I worried about her and probably spent more time in a pediatrician's office then any sane woman. The doctor assured me she wasn't abnormally small and I went on my regular routine being able to carry her easily, well into the age of six. When she was almost three Dan and I decided to enroll her in preschool so she would become socialized. I was a wreck knowing that there was no reason she needed to be away from me. I was home, and I sure as hell taught her more there then they were teaching in preschool. I know she was bored with the class "lessons" she already knew how to count, she knew her alphabet, she had a wider vocabulary then any other three year old I knew. What three yearold uses the word "actually" in a sentence? or "Necessarily" for that matter? Dan Humphrey's daughter, that's who. Dan and I always talked about who would be the strict parent and who would be the easy-going parent. Dan was easy going with her but he was definitely more strict when it came to routine, bedtime, eating habits and chores. I was more focused on her education. I'd say we were well balanced. We never fought about how we raised her. Sure we'd disagree but we always found a compromise before it turned into a fight. We never wanted to fight about her, or around her. When she was little she loved to sit in my lap and do girly things, paint her nails or learn about fashion. As she got older she was more interested in what Dan did. I can't say it didn't upset me when she'd rather play soccer with her dad in the park then come to a fashion show. Especially when we were divorced, it really stung when she would spend one of my days with him*** -Blair**

**FLASHBACK**

**XOXOOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"Don't stop," she pulled on his face as they entered the apartment. Her crave for him was unsatiable, her lips didn't want to leave his.

"Nate might be home," Dan looked around as Blair buried her face into his neck and kissed up behind his ear.

"No, he's gone for the night..." she crushed her lips to his.

"Can I put my bag down?" he smiled contently against her lips. She parted with him quickly so he could toss the duffle bag on to the floor then took hold of her face. "I missed you. You have no idea,"

With a soft smile that threatened to crack into a frown, she pressed her lips to his again, her tongue desperate to connect with his. Dan was slightly hesitant while kissing her, he followed her lead but didn't quite find a rhythm. Blair was much to eager, he couldn't keep up as things ran through his head about what this all meant. Before Dan could open his mouth to tell her to slow down, Blair's bottom lip dragged across his neck and she stopped abruptly. "I know we don't want to talk about this yet but I think it might be better if we do," her eyes locked on to his with her sudden epiphany.

"Blair Waldorf being rational?" he tilted his head to the side.

"I want to clear the air before we make this more complicated than it is,"

"Alright," Dan took a seat on the couch and Blair sat close taking his hands in hers.

"Did you always look like this?" she let go of his hands and squeezed his shoulders. Dan blew air through his teeth amused with her.

"I...I believe so," he nodded modestly.

"Mmmm, you shaved," she ran her hands over his face as hers took on a blissful expression.

"Are we going to talk or?..."

"Right," she sighed and stopped checking him out. "I don't like to admit it but I was insecure...," it was hard for her to admit, but she needed to explain herself.

"Why?" his eyes squinted.

"Dan, if you hadn't noticed,..." she took a breath. "My past relationships were disasters. I've been cheated on, i've been thrown under the bus,...I know that shouldn't factor in... but it does. I need to feel like i'm in control and testing you put me in the driver's seat."

"No one drove our relationship,...we're equals," Dan said simply.

"Well that's not how I felt," she said honestly. "I felt like a different person with you and I didn't like it,"

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't feel strong and I didn't feel powerful..." she squeaked. "I felt ordinary," her voice was small and weak.

"Ordinary?" Dan asked wistfully.

"What I realized in this time apart is,... I l_ike_ ordinary," she smiled lightly. "Ordinary doesn't hurt. Ordinary isn't one drama after the other..it's simple..."

"We're..." Dan kissed her hand. "We're not ordinary," he smiled adoringly. "We're the stuff romantic comedies are based on. We're what couples strive to be,"

"What kind of romantic comedy?" her eyebrows raised, liking what he was saying.

"A good one. Like 'The Philadelphia Story'..." he nodded dryly.

"So nothing like 'The Vow?" she asked thinking about the last awful movie they saw together.

"Nothing like 'The Vow'," he chuckled. "Are you kidding? if you lost the memory of us you'd never agree to come home with me,"

"Yes I would," she argued with a growing smile.

"Yeah, I don't think so," he laughed. "You would make a comment about how gross I am, and then you'd go live with your mother." he smiled before continuing. "And i'd do EVERYTHING I could to remind you of us. I'd show you all our goofy photo-booth photos from my computer. You know the ones that you refuse to show other people?," Blair smirked lightly. "and then you'd use warped logic and convince yourself I drugged you. You'd do anything to tell yourself you never dated Dan Humphrey willingly,"

"No," she protested digging her hands into the couch. "I'd trust myself. I'd look at the photos and know that my smiles we're genuine," she pressed her nose to his for a second. "Dan, I'm so sorry for testing you. I'm sorry for treating you like a pawn in a game. I never want to play games with you. I don't think I deserve to be treated as well as you treat me. I'm not entitled to how amazing you are because I'm never amazing to you. I'm sorry. I realized when you were gone that I don't offer you anything you can't find elsewhere," she felt an immense sadness loom over them.

"That's not true," he shook his head.

"It's true," she nodded. "You offer me so much. But I don't really offer you anything. There are so many reasons why I need you around but I don't know why anyone would want me around...I don't even have a clue what you like about me,..."

"Ask me," he sat up straight.

"What?"

"Ask me what I like about you," he clarified.

"Um," she cleared her throat. "What do you,..._.like about me?_" she felt self-conscious for asking.

"Almost everything. But the thing I like the most is who Blair Waldorf is," he nodded.

Blair didn't quite understand, her eyes danced around his face trying to figure him out.

"First and foremost I adore who you are as a person. I love watching all that you do and seeing all that you accomplish in one day. I'm always fascinated how much you can handle. I'm so proud of who you are. I've never felt that way before..."

"I don't know what you mean. Please enlighten me," she looked so confused as her eyes widened.

"I've never had a girlfriend that i've been this proud of," he gestured with his hand. "I hold you in such high regard it's unfathomable. No one does it better than you. Sometimes I try to tell myself 'she's not all that,' just to appease myself, but the truth is you are,... You're all that and a bag of potato chips,"

Blair rolled her eyes at his cheesy line and realized Dan really did embody a bowl of Easy Mac. "I'm not,..."

"When we were,..." he smiled lightly noticing her eyes looking straight into his, he had her complete attention. "When we were in New Haven. I was proud I knew you. Just proud that I was associated with you in some way. You were the Valedictorian of our graduating class and I knew you..." he moved a piece of her hair over her ear so it wouldn't obstruct the view of her face. "When I overheard people talking about Blair Waldorf's excellent speech I thought "That's my friend Daisy," Blair laughed lightly. "And then,..." he tilted his head to the side and almost lost his train of thought while noticing her gorgeous face still holding on to every word. "and then I got to call you my girlfriend..." he took a deep breath and Blair's eyes became unmistakably glossy. Dan's forehead creased and his lips pressed together overcome with emotion at how much he loved saying that, "My girlfriend," he repeated, never growing tired of calling her that. Blair wrapped her arms around Dan's neck and held him tightly. "_I think you're perfect_," Dan whispered.

"I'm not perfect Dan," she pulled away feeling uncomfortable.

"You can say that but i'm never going to agree," he placed his hands on her face and kissed her.

"I'll disappoint you," she gently caressed his neck.

"Why can't you just accept that's how I feel about you?" Blair frowned lightly.

"How can it be negative for your boyfriend to think you're perfect?" he smiled before leaning back in for a kiss.

"So...," she gulped. "You're still my boyfriend?" she smiled lightly.

"I thought we already established that..." Dan smirked.

"Well maybe I don't want you to be,..." she said cheekily before she pursed her lips together, waiting for his response.

Dan laughed lightly and couldn't think of anything other than a polite, "Please?" his eyebrows raised.

"Ok!" she gave in with a beautiful smile before leaning back in and capturing his bottom lip between hers. Dan's hands ran up and down the soft material of her Chanel blouse.

"Want to know something funny?" he pulled from her lips. "I judged every woman's outfit that walked past me for the last week. Probably assumed I was some perv..." Blair laughed lightly. "Molly wore tights as pants once," he thought about it with distaste.

"Of course she did..." Blair grimaced. "Dan, why did you come home?" she asked.

"You know that feeling when you're surrounded by people but you still feel alone?," Blair nodded understanding, she had felt that way all week. "I wanted to talk to you about everything, I'd settle with Molly but then somehow the conversation would turn into something perfunctory and i'd wish I had someone I could really talk to. Imagine that, a room full of literary people that love books just as much as I do and I won't be satisfied unless I talk to you about it. I couldn't write anything either. I must have been a real treat to be around," he said sarcastically. "I was thoroughly depressed,"

Blair's heavy eyelashes fluttered for a moment before she leaned in and pressed a feather light kiss to his lips, "We can talk about books now," she suggested. Dan shook his head back and fourth with a smirk.

"I don't want to talk about books," he squeezed her hand in his. "I want to talk about you. What did you do this week? what did I miss?"

"Nothing noteworthy," she sighed then pulled a bag towards her and pulled out a box. "I bought you this,..."

"Blair,..." Dan sighed as he took the box from her.

"Dorota is on vacation so I didn't get it wrapped,"

"An e-reader?" he shook his head at her. "I told you..."

"I know," he looked up to stop him from speaking. "I know you don't like reading on electronic devices but this has your entire collection,"

"My collection?"

"I bought every book on your book shelf in electronic form then organized them..." she said innocently hoping he wouldn't want her to return it.

"Blair...there's gotta be three hundred books on that shelf..."

"Four hundred and six," she smiled. "I just want you to have them with you at all times. Even if we didn't get back together I want you to have this. If you need inspiration or need to find a quote...I just want you to have them. Please just accept it,"

"O-okay" he nodded. "Thank-you,"

Blair swallowed feeling some tension in the room, she spoke up hoping to fill the silence. "Did you know there is a massive variety of e-readers? I had the hardest time deciding which one to get. I got this one because I thought the dictation feature might really benefit you. You can just talk and it'll take notes. That should help your writing right?" she spoke quickly then looked Dan in the eye hoping he was happy with her gift.

"Sure Yeah," he nodded with a soft smile. Blair laid her hand over his.

"I'm sorry. I know buying you things doesn't fix anything..." her eyes watered. "I guess it's all I know," her nostrils flared, her voice cracked thinking about all the times Chuck bought her presents to say sorry. "I'm sorry," she said again.

"Daisy,..." he leaned over and kissed her lightly, his lips capturing her plump bottom lip. "You've said sorry enough," he pulled away and caressed her face with the same usual adoration. "I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I overreacted..."

"No you didn't," she shook her head wishing he didn't apologize to her. She looked back at the present she gave him. "Retail therapy was the only thing that made me feel better after our break up. I bought you some clothes too. You don't have to wear them," her eyes widened.

"What does 'some' mean?" he asked with a little worry in his voice.

"Just a little..." she said as Dan stood from the sofa to see exactly what she meant. "Don't be mad!" she ran after him and found it amusing to see Dan stare at his closet that had grown indefinitely.

"Oh Blair,..." Dan sighed exasperated and not knowing what to say. He pushed some hangers to the side to see a few sport jackets and suits.

"You don't like them? It's okay if you don't. You don't have to wear them. I can give them to Nate...I just thought you could have a few more pieces in case you need to go to an interview or something,"

"Uh..." Dan didn't know what to say.

"We could have a fashion show!" she smiled a little too brightly to the point where she might look insane. Dan thought she was being so cute he couldn't help but smile. Walking over to the other side of the closet, Dan's eyes settled on a few pairs of Blair's best Louboutins. He pointed at them with a laugh, her face nearly turned bright red.

"I was hoping,.." she swallowed. "If we got back together...that maybe we would...live together permanently..."

"Wow, you had some really high hopes in coming to the airport hey?" he chuckled. Blair blinked trying to conceal her embarrassment, she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I'd love to live with you permanently but uh,,,,I'll have to talk to Nate..." his eyes widened with concern.

"Oh of course..." she smiled uncomfortably. "Make sure it's ok with him,...mm," she cleared her throat. Dan laughed out loud when she didn't play along.

"I'm not asking Nate," he shook his head.

"No?" she asked innocently. Definitely not herself tonight, the fatigue and heartbreak was really effecting her personality.

"No," he walked over and brought her into his embrace. "What happened to you?" he kissed up her temple. "Where's feisty Blair?" They kissed for a little while, feeling completely at peace in each-other's arms. Soft, easy kisses. Not one kiss was eager, they had all the time in the world.

"Let's go to sleep," he played with one of her curls. Blair nodded lightly.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

"Dan Humphrey," He answered his phone starring at his reflection in the mirror. He just finished shaving his face and throwing on the best suit he owned.

"I need to come home," Nicky said.

"Call my people..."

"Dad!" she made a whiney sound.

"What!, I told you. The boys tease you because they like you,"

"No, I'm sick"

"What do you mean you're sick? Sick like last week when you weren't actually sick at all?" he wedged the phone in between his shoulder and ear as he looped his tie, still staring at his reflection.

"No, actually sick,"

"Nicky, I have my book signing today," he sighed. She didn't say anything. "Call your mom okay?"

"Dad!"

"Call your mom," he repeated.

"I already called her!," she stressed. "She's not in the office right now and she's not answering her phone so you have to come get me," she was starting to get worked up and Dan was becoming wise to this.

"Take a deep breath. You're okay. I can't come and get you. You're going to be fine,"

"Daddy, really. I'm sick." she pleaded and he could tell she was on the verge of tears, probably fake ones.

"Nicky..." Dan groaned. "No games today. I'll pick you up after school. I love you. Bye," he hung up the phone and slipped it into his breast pocket before heading down to the lobby to catch his cab. He was not going to be late infact he made sure he'd be an hour early to show Jerry how dedicated he was. Dan was a block away from the bookstore where he was scheduled to do his first book signing when his phone rang. He expected it to be Nicky again and was prepared to ignore her and her wolf cries. It was the school, Dan sighed before answering.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Humphrey, Is there anyway you can come and get Nicole? she's just...vomited all over her desk," Dan closed his eyes in regret for ignoring her, then stopped dead on the sidewalk in defeat. He scuffed up the bottoms of his shoes on the curb and asked if she was okay.

"I think she's more embarrassed than anything. She's just not feeling herself,"

"I'll be right there," he hailed himself a cab.

"I'm sorry," Nicky said as they got into a cab to head home.

"No, i'm sorry," he leaned over and pressed a kiss to her hair.

When he got her home and called everyone he could. He called Blair. "Where is your mom?...where is your mom?..." he said frantically under his breath as he redialed three or four times with his eyes watching the clock. He talked to Nina who was in the office before calling his dad. If he left straight away Rufus could be in the building as soon as Dan stepped out. No answer. "Nate...come on Nate..." he tapped on the wall while listening to the dial tone. Dan starred at the clock on the wall and tapped his foot now.

"Don't be late Daddy, just go,"

"I can't leave you here" he positioned the washcloth back on her head and ran a hand through her hair tenderly. "Hi Katie! hi this is Dan Humphrey, yes! Nicky's dad. Think you could babysit?...umm what about right now?...oh no of course you're in class because it's the middle of the day...uhm, how much to get you to skip?...I'm sorry i'm just desperate" he hung up and starred at the clock again.

"I don't want you to get in trouble. Just go"

"No, you're nine years old and you're sick. I can't leave you here. Don't worry I don't have to leave for another...twenty," he inhaled harshly. "minutes..." Dan nearly cried happy tears when Nate called him back.

"You rang?" he answered.

"I need you here now!"

"What?"

"Nicky is sick. I have a book signing. I need you here NOW! I need you here two minutes ago!"

"Okay..." Nate answered. "Be right over,"

**XOXOXOXOXOOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

"So this thing really works?" Dan picked up the e-reader and plunked himself into the comfy chair at the end of the bed.

"Yeah, I tried it at the store," Blair sat herself primly on the edge of the bed.

"I want to try something," Dan looked over to Blair.

"I like the sound of that," she bit her lip. Dan chuckled to himself when he saw the e-reader had typed her words without error.

"Ok, you have to be quiet," Dan didn't move from his chair, he stared at Blair. She was confused at the way he was looking at her and then, when he spoke it all became clear. "I'm the only one allowed to talk,...okay?" he looked at the screen to see that it was still picking up his words correctly. Blair nodded knowing what he was doing as he set the device on the end table and checked it one last time. "There's this girl I know," he cleared his throat.

"...I can't believe I know her. I can't believe she LET'S me know her...at least in such a way that I can tell you...the first thing that hits you are her eyes; deep and inviting and mesmerizing. If you look at them too long, you'll be hypnotized. Maybe that's what happened to me. I've been ensorcelled," Blair smiled with a mixture of shyness and amusement. "When she smiles, when she _REALLY_ smiles, you might get to see her dimples. You hardly ever see them, but when you do you feel like you've been brought in on one of the great secrets of our times, the great illusive mysteries-and it's so amazing that all you want to do is sit at her feet and wait for it to happen again, find a way to make it happen again..." he didn't take his eyes off her and Blair had never felt more adored in her life.

"This perfect girl,..." Dan began. Blair blushed lightly looking down at her feet. Dan couldn't quite see her, she was literally a dark silhouette in front of the window; the bright and busy city just behind the heavy drapes. He gestured for her to come closer so he could continue. Blair walked over to him slowly in nothing but her slip. When Dan had an unobstructed view of her face, he continued. Blair closed her eyes as Dan's hands held on to her waist. "despite her tiny frame she still manages to have curves in all the right places. The kind of body Alexandros should have sculpted when he did the Venus de Milo" Blair scoffs lightly and Dan warns her to not make a peep as he traces the outline of her body with his fingertips, he reached her hair and twirled a curl around his finger.

"I should be gentle with her but she hates that, she despises being treated like she's breakable." Blair smiled as he stared up at her with adoration.

"Looking for a single flaw is an impossible task," his finger tips tickle her lightly as if he's trying to find a blip in her perfect skin. "I wish she had a flaw so I didn't seem so out of her league, I looked for something but soon discover there was nothing." Blair rolled her eyes lightly and sat on his lap, her eyes looking deeply into his. "...doe eyes" he stares into them making her feel self conscious. "her eyelashes..." she laughed again as he gave her a quick butterfly kiss. "Her lips heart shaped and full. Soft and sweet. The single greatest feature I can find. Just these,..." he paused. "These perfect lips; pursed to kiss or sting depending on her mood," He spoke as his hands dragged lightly down her back, his eyes never leaving her lips as he dictated them the best he could. He went on and on about their shape and texture as if he might need these notes later. Dan spun her around on his lap until her back was now pressed against his chest. Blair opened her mouth desperately wanting to speak but she didn't utter a word as he pressed hot, mind numbingly arousing kisses all along her neck and jawline. His hand slowly crept up her thigh and moved inwards. "she has this set of three moles on her inner thigh right where her leg ends and her..." his hand continued. Before she let this go too far she stood. Her hands rested on his shoulders as she whispered in his ear. "_Can it be my turn now?_" her lips hummed softly on Dan's ear lobe and he nodded as she pulled away.

Before saying a word Blair gestured for him to remove his shirt. He crossed his arms and pulled it up over his head. She walked towards him slowly, studying his physique, then drawing a line down his sternum with her finger she started talking. "he's modest,..." she began scratching the length of his torso with her hands before straddling him and holding his face in her hands as if to study him. "his eyes are intense,..." her eyes stared into his as she pressed her forehead against his and her thumbs ran gently up and down his temples. "His face is carved like a fine stone,..." she ran her fingers along the plains of his cheekbones and followed along to his jawline. "He looks the sexiest when,..._he's angry_" she said in a low growl beside his ear. Taking one of his hands in hers she held it up to her face. "His hands are that of an artist,...they're gentle and talented,... but they're strong" she kissed the back of his hand then laid his palm against her cheek. "Nothing about him is young or boyish,..he's definitely a man" she grabbed his belt harshly sending Dan slightly forward in his chair. "My favorite part of him is,..." Dan inhaled as Blair gently played with the elastic band of his Calvin Klein's. "Is his,..." she smirked now. "..._chest_," she admitted, her hand moving away from his boxer shorts. Dan smiled as she splayed her hands across him, gently moving them up and over his shoulders but going back to the swell of his pec before long. "his chest is,..." she bit the fleshy inside of her lip as he stared at her intensely as she wouldn't make eye contact with him."it's sexy..." her eyes felt heavy as Dan's hands held her waist lightly. "it's,.." she cleared her throat. "..._safe_" she felt tears prick her eyes. she wasn't sure why and she started to feel embarrassed. "and..." her voice was shaky and Dan knew something was up, he held her neck and gently pushed her chin up so her eyes would meet with his.

"Hey,..." he said gently with a smile. Her tears rolled down over her neck and hit his hands. She was even more embarrassed that she had made herself cry for something so silly. "What's wrong Daisy?" his head titled. For a moment Blair considered lying, she considered giving him a real excuse, an excuse that she thought about something sad, an excuse that didn't make her seem so vulnerable.

"I just,..." she attempted. Dan's face was full of genuine concern and she couldn't lie. "_I love you,_" her lip shook violently and she hugged him tighter than she ever had before, hiding her face and catching him completely off guard. Dan's arms wrapped around her and he squeezed back with comparable pressure. He wanted her to feel him react. His head turned and kissed the side of her face close to her ear. Dan heard her sniffle and he rubbed her back still placing kisses up the side of her face hoping she would stop sniffling.

"I'm sorry that loving me makes you cry," he smiled and spoke into her ear. "I can understand it though,..I mean I do wear plaid and I am from Brooklyn so..." he ran his fingers along her spine in a comforting way. Blair pulled back with a giggle and wiped her eyes. "It must be devastating to come to such a conclusion,"

"No,..." she took a shaky breath before hiding herself in his shoulder again somewhat embarrassed with herself.

"Blair,..." he said softly until she pulled away and faced him. "I love you," he returned. She smiled at him with adoration and felt like she was wrapped in a warm comforting blanket. Dan Humphrey was like a hot cup of coffee on a cold morning. There was no game, he said it back with intensity in his eyes and a genuine heart. "Are you upset that we love each-other?" he smiled lightly giving her a nuzzle when he noticed how bright and sparkly her eyes were.

"No," she shook her head and bit her lip.

"Then why are you crying silly?" his thumb glided over her cheek to remove some of the tears.

"...it's too embarrassing to say. I mean. I _am_ Blair Waldorf..." she sniffed with as much dignity as she possibly could.

"Well,...you don't have to be Blair Waldorf with me,"

"What does that mean?" she asked.

"Well there are many sides to Blair Waldorf," her eyes again focused on his. "You leave girls trembling you wake, you stomp around your office like you own the building,...the street rather." he lifted his eyebrows. "You dress like you're going to meet the royal family everyday and you walk in five inch heels but you might aswell be wearing combat boots, but you never complain about them. At work you're a powerhouse and to some people you might be considered a cold, heartless powerful woman... to me,...you're Daisy" he smiled up at her with nothing but adoration. "Daisy who likes to curl up in her blanket and eat macaroons" he smiled eskimo kissed her.

"Macrons..." Blair corrected him in a very French accent.

"Daisy that corrects me," he smiled. "and...likes to write on my arms, and will actually admit that her feet are killing from wearing the heels..." Blair giggled. "Everyone needs to be vulnerable sometimes," he kissed her forehead. "I want you to know that there is nothing you can't talk to me about, there's no secret I won't keep, there's nothing you can say that will make me think any less of you. I'm just Dan. You don't have to be Blair Waldorf with me. I'll never let anyone know who this girl is, " he wiped her cheek again "I like that she's just for me,"

A moment of silence passed between them,they listened to each-other's hearts beat until Dan spoke up, "Do you wanna try that again?" Dan asked. "Without the tears?" Blair nodded lightly.

"Blair, I love you," he didn't hesitate.

"I love you too," she smiled running her hand down the side of his face.

Blair's eyes were still bloodshot from the lack of sleep and she was clearly not her usual spunky self. "You wanna go to sleep?" Dan asked.

"No," she shook her head. "I want to go to bed," she smiled before impishly climbing on to her side of the bed. Dan joined her and soon her hands fell to his belt. Blair's lips pressed soft kisses all over his chest and up his neck. "I want you," she nuzzled. Blair wouldn't be fully satisfied until Dan was inside her. She was certain of this as she tried to remove his pants. For whatever reason she felt that she should perform one of her greatest talents. Dan told her to stop. "_Just kiss me. Just kiss me_," he held her hand in his. She wanted to be put at ease and that could only be achieved if they were connected. Holding him close to her body, keeping eye contact with him, she pulled his face closer to her own and kissed his lips softly, slower and slower until she stopped altogether, her head fell against the pillow. Dan smiled, happy that she was going to get the sleep she so desperately needed before he quietly fell to his side of the bed and drifted off to sleep himself.

**PRESENT**

**XOXOXOOXOX**

"Right over?...RIGHT OVER?" Dan's eyes were wide when Nate walked into the apartment leisurely.

"Hey, I was in the store when you called me, I figured i'd pick a few things up for Nicky" he turned his attention to the tiny girl laying on the couch. I'm going to make you hangover cure," Nate announced opening cabinets and clinking around the kitchen as Dan hurriedly slipped on his shoes.

She got up off the couch hoisted herself on an island stool to watch him use the blender. "But I'm not hung-over," she said quietly and unsure of him and his concoction.

"I hope not," Dan smiled and leaned over to push her hair back and press a kiss to her head. "I'll be back in a few hours okay?" he kissed her again on the cheek before giving a 'thankful' nod to Nate and heading out.

Nate had some grocery bags in front of him that he rustled through. "I got you some popsicles and some soda crackers...Gatorade,...it has electrolytes so it'll put fluid back into your body, flat ginger ale..." he stirred some with a metal spoon then poured it in the blender. "Ginger is suppose to make your tummy better," he smiled. "Lemon juice,...and we're done" he pulsed the blender a couple times.

"That's it?"

"That's it buddy," he poured the liquid into a tall glass with a blue straw and slid it to Nicky.

"Are you sure? I haven't had anything alcoholic to drink," she looked up at him with huge Blair eyes and he smiled.

"... I hope you haven't..I mean..." he smiled "it's only one in the afternoon," Nicky giggled. "You don't have to be hung-over for this. It's just going to hydrate you. But I can't wait till you're 21. I'm going to get you toasted," he laughed.

"Toasted?" she sipped on her drink.

"Sloshed?...Obliterated, tanked...any of the above,"

**XOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

When Dan woke up he figured he would make Blair breakfast in bed but he was surprised to find that he was alone in his bed. The curtains were drawn so the sunlight was pouring in. He could see dust flying around the room and realized he was quite toasty under the covers. He pushed the blankets off himself and stretched. He loved this bed, infact he loved everything about the bedroom Blair designed for him. He always knew she had an eye for the finer things in life but he didn't really expect her to be so intuitive when it came to designing this room for him. It was dark, the colour scheme was monochromatic, different shades of black and grey contrasted by crisp white crown molding and bright white linen sheets with a thread count Dan would have never dreamt of in the past. She gave him exactly what he wanted when he didn't even have a clue what he wanted. The artwork she chose was the one thing that screamed Blair in the bedroom. The Degas prints became her signature, they also reminded him that this was also her bedroom now. The heavy drapes on the tall floor to ceiling windows had to be one of his favourite touches, but when it came to this apartment Dan's favourite place was the kitchen. The bright, professional grade kitchen that only he touched seeing that Blair and Nate never cooked. If Blair had to guess she would say his favourite room was the library/office and Dan would agree because it would be easier than explaining he didn't enjoy being in there. The office was meant to work in. The kitchen was made to enjoy and be together in.

Dan walked down the hall rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. When his eyes settle on Blair, completely void of makeup, seemingly having a difficult time with the toaster, he speaks up.

"What's going on?" he scares her with his voice, she jumps slightly not expecting the boom of his voice that cut through the silence.

"oh," she bites her bottom lip, it turns into a sheepish smile when she tells him she planned on making breakfast. Her hair is still curly from the day before, it's messy but in an adorable way that makes her look younger and more innocent than she is.

"here," she slides a large mug over the smooth marble counter top with a proud smile.

"Thank-you," he stares at her until she becomes uncomfortable.

"I didn't appreciate you letting me fall asleep before I brushed my teeth or removed my makeup..." she clears her throat then goes back to the stove situated on the island.

"I'm sorry," he smiles then gets off the stool. She anticipates him taking over, instead he walks up behind her to see what she's attempting to cook. He takes a hold of her arms. "I love you," he says sincerely.

It's the 3rd time he says it. Blair was sure the thrill would have worn off but it doesn't, it's sweeter and better than the times before. She relishes in the moment, closing her eyes and hoping she'll never forget this feeling, before saying it back. They read the paper together and look for things to do on their first day back together as a couple. They have so much to talk about. Dan keeps on sipping the coffee Blair made him. It's probably the strongest coffee that has ever touched his tongue but he drinks every last drop. He swears he could chew some of the sips.

"Do you want another?" she asked when she noticed his mug was empty.

"Oh no no no, that was great thank you," he declines almost too quickly but she smiles proudly not catching the abrupt decline.

"Something strange,..." she waves her hand in the air.

"I hate to break it to you but that's not a sentence,..."

"Something feels weird," she says looking around.

"Like what?"

"Like us,"

"How so?"

"Well for one we haven't had any banter all morning,"

"I don't feel like Dan and Blair. I feel like some random happy couple,"

"Is that a problem?"

"I don't think we're distinctive,"

"Who do we have to be distinct to? we're alone, eating breakfast,"

"Say something Dan would say,"

"Uhh,..."

"Or don't say anything..." she moved on to his lap. "I can't believe we still haven't..." she works at his belt quickly.

Just then Nate burst in the apartment, pulling his motorcycle into his bedroom. Dan and Blair break apart. "He really has impeccable timing..." Dan clears his throat.

Nate plops himself on the couch while greeting them. "You're just going to play video games all day now?"

"Yeah I think so, yeah,"

"Must be nice," Dan and Blair say in unison. Blair leans over and whispers an idea in Dan's ear.

"You're brilliant," he grabs her hand and they enter the elevator together.

**XOXOOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

Blair noticed that Dan's newest novel didn't have a dark ominous cover like it's predecessor. It was light. When she noticed the bright blue gerber daisy she knew this was something much different from his former novels. She picked up a copy and opened it to find a picture of Dan.

_Dan Humphrey was born and raised in the Big Apple. Despite his home being in Brooklyn, Dan spent his teen years on the Upper East side attending St. Judes private school with some of New York's elite, here is where he found his passion for writing. Starting with romance he soon turned to drama mystery and found his niche. He enjoys going back and fourth between genres to keep things interesting. Dan currently lives in Manhattan, New York with his daughter._

**_Perhaps_**

**_By Daniel Humphrey_**

Blair turned the page and read the dedication. _'To those who believe in me, I will try not to disappoint. To those who doubt me, I will try to surprise. To those who dislike me, I could care less.' Blair giggled. 'To Nicole, the only light to my dark. You are my gerber daisy in an ocean of dusty, plastic, house plants'_ Blair laughed harder now. She loved when he wrote goofy dedications. This was the first book other than the children's book he wrote Nicky that was decicated to their daughter. Every other book was dedicated to Blair. There was one dedication that was very close to her heart. She could recite it word for word.

_I always find myself reflecting on the people in my life that have allowed me to write. Whether they inspire me or simply give me patience and understanding, I look to them, and credit them for the finished product. The one person that gives me both inspiration and patience, is my wife. As always, my dedication is to her, Blair, that has been through one hell of a year. I love you, you are the strongest woman i've ever known. I look to you for your unparalled grace and propriety, your intelligence and motivation. You inspire me every single day to be a better writer and a better man, as always this is for you, my one and only love._

Blair took a deep breath and turned the page hoping she wouldn't allow herself to dwell on the past.

_She started with a kiss _

The very first line.

Blair's breathing hitched. She forgot how he wrote when it wasn't supposed to be a murder mystery, she missed this kind of writing. She tried putting the book down but she couldn't and brought two copies to the cash register. One for Professor Issac Campbell, and the other for herself. "Thank-you," she smiled at the woman who sold her the books then quickly ran off to the signing counter thats line was getting bigger by the second.

"HUMPHREY!" An unmistakable voice called out from the crowd. She pushed past people standing in line. "Excuse me,...step aside please...excuse me..." once she was standing directly in front of Dan she unloaded two copies of his book.

"Blair,..." he acknowledged her meekly. He couldn't say he wasn't shocked to see her on the other side of the table.

"You know there's no such thing as a Tiffanys blue daisy..." she spoke immediately tapping the hard cover.

"I'm highly aware" Dan grinned sheepishly, eyes looking at the people Blair butt in front of.

"Why did you use something that doesn't exist?"

"It was your daughter's idea," he pointed feeling like he was ambushed.

"Well, it's not realistic"

"I wasn't going for high realism, I was going for symbolic"

"When did you write this?"

"over the year,..._non stop_"

"Over this year?"

"Yeah," he nodded lightly.

"Well go on then. Sign them! this is a book signing isn't it?"

The volume in her voice made Dan jump a little in his seat. With his felt tip marker he scribbled his name inside the cover. "You want me to make it personal? To Blair? thanks for the support?" he teased.

"Just write your name smart-ass," she flashed a toothy grin.

"Okay," he smiled smugly. When he was done signing he drew a quick line across the back of Blair's hand.

"AH!," a smile came from nowhere when she noticed he made a mark on her.

"Oops," Dan's eyes widened with mock concern.

"I can't believe..." she tried to stop smiling but instead collected her books. "Thanks Humphrey,"

"You're Welcome Waldorf," he nodded. "Oh uh...I called you earlier. Nicky's at my place with Nate,"

"Why what's wrong?" she looked immensely concerned.

"She threw up at school,..." he said casually.

"I'll go get her," Blair said instantly. "I'm running a meeting in a couple hours but I can push it back to tomorrow..."

"No, please don't. She's fine,"

"But..." Blair's eyes grew wide.

"I'm telling you this because I want you to know but I don't want you to go and get her. This is my day and you should deal with your meeting. She's fine,"

"Okay," Dan could see it really bother her. "But she's really okay? did you take her temperature?"

"Small fever, nothing to worry about. Just a stomach bug,"

"You'll call me if anything changes?"

"Of course,"

"Thanks again Humphrey," she held up the books before leaving and immediately called Nicky's cell-phone to ask if she was feeling any better. Nate answered and told her she was sleeping and everything was fine.

It wasn't long after Nate's concoction and a nap that Nicky headed to the washroom to empty the contents of her stomach. "You okay?" Nate asked her concerned as he leaned against the door frame.

"Yeah..." she sniffed and wiped her eyes on her sleeve.

"I'll get you some water Nic," when Nate returned with the glass she was still wiping her eyes with a few sniffles. "Come over here," he sat on the couch and she followed and sat beside him.

When Dan walked in he saw Nicky sleeping curled up to Nate, he was running his hand up and down her back as she slept turned into him. "How is she?" he slipped his sport jacket off and walked over quietly.

"she threw up once more but she told me she was feeling better," he tilted his head at her and smiled. Nicky rustled a little and her eyes opened.

"_Daddy_.." her hands shot out in front of her. Dan scooped her up. "How was your book signing?" she asked. Nate knew he was a good 'stand-in-daddy' but he was never as good as the real thing.

"It was okay," he didn't have the heart to tell her that he was late and some people were mad at him. Nicky smiled happily before laying her head on his shoulder, he rubbed her back a little. "What do you say that I make dinner for you and Nate?"

"Okay" she nodded.

"Go lay down and i'll call you when it's ready okay?" he rolled up his sleeves. Nicky slowly walked herself to her bedroom.

"So?" Nate jumped up on a kitchen stool.

"So,...I was late," he sighed pulling a pot out of a cupboard. "I agreed to do a few more signings just to make it up to him,"

"That sucks..." Nate commented.

"It's not that bad. I'm just going to need you to babysit on Thursday if that's okay with you,"

"Yeah sure," he shrugged knowing he had nothing else to do. "Hey I was wondering if you wanted to go on a double date with me,"

"No thanks," Dan laughed lightly.

"Come on!...Saturday night!, Nicky will be at Blair's..." he tried to entice him.

"I appreciate the effort but no thanks,"

"Dan, I'm not doing you any favour...you would be doing a favour for me!"

"A favour for you?"

"She won't go out with me unless her bestfriend comes along..."

"Oh one of those..." Dan said.

"Yeah so she asked me if i'd bring a friend and I thought of you..."

"Naturally..." Dan scoffed.

"So you'll do it?"

"I guess. Is this woman a 'sure thing' ?," he looked concerned.

"Better not be...she's my little cousin,"

"Oh so someone you haven't dated for once?"

"Why do you raise your eyebrows and question me like that. No I have not dated her..."

"Just making sure"

"and since when have I set you up with girls i've dated?,"

"Megan..."

"That was one time!" Nate defended himself.

"Shhh!," Dan looked to Nicky's room.

"Sorry," he apologized before picking at the vegetables Dan had cut up in front of him.

"A Vanderbilt girl,..I don't know," he pondered what that might be like.

"Who said she was a Vanderbilt? she's an Archibald,"

"Oh well that will be a little less nerve racking then" Dan sounded quite accepting of this invitation and Nate was getting excited.

"This is going to be great," Nate smiled. "Her name is Claudia, she graduated from Dartmouth with a degree in...I think medicine or something..."

"Okay," Dan nodded thinking this might not be a bad idea. She was obviously well educated "Yeah, cool,"

When Dan was done cooking dinner, he called Nicky to the table and all three of them ate a quiet dinner. The conversation was limited to asking Nicky how she felt and what may have made her sick. Soon, Dan and Nate were talking about something Nicky had zero interest in.

"Daddy I can't eat this..." she pushed the bowl of soup away from her.

"That's okay," he looked over seeing that she was not herself. He removed the bowl from in front of her so she didn't have to look at it.

When they were done eating Dan and Nate chatted on the couch as Nicky laid her head on a pillow in Dan's lap. He ran his hand through her beautiful hair putting her at ease. It was about eight o'clock when the door bell rang.

"I'll get it" Nate said not wanting Dan to get up and disturb the little one sleeping in his lap.

"Nate!" Dan heard a familiar voice greet him. Coquettish in sound, piercing in memories. "How are you? oh my god, it's been forever," the loud sound of her voice floated through the apartment and woke up Nicky. Dan pressed a kiss on her forehead.

"Hey,.." Nate offered reluctantly. Terrible memories flooded his mind.

"I'm going to leave," Nate turned to Dan who carried Nicky over to the door to greet Serena and Izzie.

"You don't have to leave. Izzie and I just brought some movies over, we know Nicky doesn't feel well" she smiled.

Nate was clearly uncomfortable as he grabbed his keys off the couch and began to walk out. Dan put Nicky down to talk to her friend as he followed Nate.

"You might be okay with this but i'm not..." he spoke before Dan had a chance.

"Nate, just..."

"No,...I don't forgive her. Just because it's been nearly a decade doesn't change what she did,"

"It was an accident..."

"You're defending Serena? there's a first...call me when you come back to your senses. Have fun with your 'friend'..." he said with malice before heading out, but not before kissing Nicky on the forehead. "Feel better dude,"

"Bye Nate" Serena said. He didn't say anything back to the blonde.

"What do you say? should we watch some movies?" Serena asked with a smile spreading across her face.

"Umm, it's a school night..." Dan said with a hand on the back of his neck.

"Well I figured it would be nice to come by but if she's too tired,..."

Nicky looked at her dad and mouthed "please,". Dan was left to make small talk with Serena as Nicky and Izzie giggled setting up sleeping bags at the bottom of the couch. Dan wondered why they needed so many pillows but he didn't complain. Nicky looked happy. She was his only priority and if she was happy, so was he. As Serena tried to engage him in deep conversation he kept looking over to make sure Nicky was okay.

"I picked up a copy of your book," Serena starred at him. "I went to the signing but the writer must be a little big for his britches since he didn't show up," she titled her head to the side and let out a laugh. Dan blinked for a moment when he realized Serena must have been there the second it started because he was only five minutes late.

"I was there," he cleared his throat. "I was just a little late," he explained before looking back at Nicky who seemed to be having fun with her friend.

"Your dad said we can use the blankets in the closet" Izzie said.

"Okay" Nicky collected a few more They threw them at each-other and giggled. "I think we have enough" she walked silly with a bunch on her head.

"This is fun," Izzie commented as they arranged their movie watching area. Izzie grabbed a soft blanket with fringe.

"That's my blanket" Nicky eyed her, then held her hand out.

"Why is it yours?" she clutched it close to her.

"Because it is,..." she grabbed for it, yanking the soft material from Izzie's grip and smelled the laundry detergent scent she knew her whole life.

"I feel like a family," Izzie said as she laid down.

"What do you mean?" Nicky propped her head up with her hand, covered by her blanket.

"Like we get to both share Dan tonight,"

"What?" Nicky was mildly alarmed by her friend's statement. Her big, doe eyes bounced around Izzie's face.

"maybe he could be my dad too?"

"..., I don't know" she felt awkward, she rubbed her eyes.

"I mean just for pretend. We can be a family. I'll share my mom with you," Izzie said with ease. Nicky found that to be a strange comment.

"It's _okay,_" she got more comfortable under the covers. "you don't have to..."

Dan knelt down with the girls and fixed the tv so it was in DVD mode.

"I like your haircut," Izzie smiled at Dan then touched the top of his head with a giggle.

"Thank-you" the smile he offered was weak and forced by his need to be polite. Nicky sighed and Dan turned his attention to her. For a moment he carried a strange expression, "Hey baby?.." he gestured for her to come closer, he took her face in his hands and studied her eyes quizzically, more importantly the circles under them. Izzie watched them without blinking.

"What?" she asked.

"I think you should go to bed..." Dan said.

"No, I'm fine" she promised. Dan's thumbs ran over her face confused at her pallid skin tone.

"Something is..." his eyes squinted. "Are you sure you're feeling okay?" he asked.

"Mhm," she nodded. Dan felt her forehead with his lips just like Blair always did. Izzie still stared at them.

"Am I warm?" she asked.

"No, you're ok," he smiled lightly.

"Iz, don't forget what we brought for Dan," Serena said loudly.

"OH!,...Dan I baked you cookies" she jumped up from her sleeping bag.

"You did?" his eyebrows raised.

"Mhmmm, oatmeal raisin, my mom said they were your favourite"

"Oh,..." he smiled politely.

"_His favourite is oatmeal chocolate chip._.." Nicky said under her breath. "_He thinks raisins are grossss_" she was too quiet to be heard. Nicky headed off to the kitchen as Dan was forced to listen Isobel discuss the details of her night as he held the container of cookies he didn't even like. As soon as Nicky was in the kitchen she called her mom.

"Hi baby," Blair answered her phone. "I thought you'd be asleep by now,"

"Not yet,"

"Are you feeling better?"

"Not really," she confessed.

"Mommy, how do we make those oatmeal chocolate chip cookies?" Nicky sat on a stool with a piece of paper and a pen, the cordless phone wedged between her ear and shoulder.

"Well, I think I have a recipe here," she explained. "Hey, how bout I come get you?" Blair suggested. "we could make cookies here,"

"It's daddy's night," she reminded her mom.

"Oh I know.." she gulped. "I just...he took you to the movies on my night so..."

"It's ok. I just want the cookie recipe. I can't really leave because Izzie and her mom, Serena are here,"

"What?" she asked feeling her entire body tense up.

"We're just watching movies,"

"Aren't you sick?" Blair could have thrown up herself knowing that Serena was anywhere near Dan.

"I feel a little better,"

"Oh okay..." Blair told her the cookie recipe and Nicky hung up before Blair had a chance to tell her she loved her. As quickly as humanly possible, Nicky threw together all the ingredients without worrying about instructions.

"...and then we had dinner at butter," Izzie talked to Dan nonstop.

"Oh, Butter? that's nice" he looked around hoping Nicky would come back.

"Do you like Butter?" she waited patiently for his answer.

"Uh,..yeah" he nodded, his eyes still searching for the tiny brunette. "I put it on my toast..." Serena laughed much too loud at his lame joke. It wasn't an endearing sound, Dan didn't find it as adorable as she intended it to be.

"No. I mean the restaurant..." Izzie said. Dan inhaled and looked back to the kitchen wondering where Nicky was.

"I do like Butter," Dan nodded. "I like Veselka more" he said.

"I like that too!" Isobel jumped in.

"You've never been to Veselka," Serena laughed at her daughter. She had known for a fact that in the short time she's lived in New York she has never set foot in Veselka.

"But I think i'd like it," she smiled at Dan again. _There it was_. Dan stared at her wondering if he really was seeing what he thought he was seeing. His eyes scanned her face as he studied her behavior and discovered something. Serena smiled up at him, a smile that he had just seen reflected on Izzie's face. Dan's mind reeled. The cookies, the compliments, the need to be sitting next to him...the way she favored him over her mother. This little girl; so young yet so old, was already doing it. She was already trying to hold his attention. She was just like her mother; he was practically a stranger to her. A stranger whose approval she was constantly seeking. Just like her mother, just like Megan and just like all the other 'sure things' that Nate dated. Dan became immensely sad for this little girl and her probable future.

"Are we going to watch this movie or what?" Serena asked rubbing her hands together.

"I want to sit with Dan!" Izzie curled up on the floor beside him, Dan pressed his lips together then called for Nicky.

"Nicky!" he waited for a response. As his mind turned to his own daughter; with her bossy nature, her stubbornness; he had never been more thankful that HIS little girl had Blair for a mother. Blair who demanded that people seek her approval. Not the other way around. Dan knew that she had given Nicky an infinite amount of desirable qualities; beauty, brains, but more importantly self-awareness and self-confidence. Even if she struggled with these issues for part of her high-school days, she passed her wisdom and knowledge on to her daughter. He could never see Nicky struggling with these types of insecurities. She knew who she was at nine years old, he thinks she might have always known.

"Nic, it's starting..." Dan called for her again as the movie credits rolled up on the screen.

"I'll be right there," she called back. Five minutes later Dan was still sitting beside Izzie and Nicky was no where to be found. "Nicky Brianna? are you okay?" he called.

"Yeah! be right there"

"What are you doing?"

"I'll be right there!" she called back with a little anger in her voice.

After about ten minutes Dan was getting curious, he was just about to get up when the smoke detector went off. "NIC!" Dan got up and opened the kitchen door to find smoke, and a small fire in the oven.

"stand back," he said calmly grabbed a dish towel and removing the tray out of the oven.

The smoke engulfed the kitchen and Dan opened both windows before shutting off the alarm manually. Serena helped him get the air circulating through the apartment by opening more windows. Nicky stared at the mess she created and felt a lump in her throat.

"Do _not_ use the oven without my help okay?" Dan told her as if she was a small child.

"But..."

"Just don't use it,"

"You could have burnt the whole apartment down sweetie" Serena exaggerated Nicky didn't want to be lectured especially by Serena but she continued. "If you opened the oven door, the flames could have caught on to the drapes..." she used a dish towel to move some of the smoke outside to the balcony. "Didn't you learn about kitchen safety in school?" Izzie nodded at her mom and explained she would never use the oven by herself and she was older than Nicky.

"I'm sorry," she said to her dad ignoring Serena.

"I know babe," he nodded knowing she was genuinely sorry. "Let's just not use the oven without my help okay?" she felt like a little girl, she was a little girl but her dad never made her feel like one. She felt like crying as Dan smacked the side of the tray and all the very black cookies fell into the trash can.

"Come on, we'll clean up the rest later," Dan pushed her into the living-room.

"I'll be right there" she told her dad.

"Are you okay?" he asked seeing that look was back, she looked pale again; pale and tired.

"Yes." she walked away.

Nicky sat on the bathroom floor and prayed for her nausea to go away. She threw up twice before making her way back down the hall. She didn't feel like having guests anymore, she wanted some soup and to cuddle up with her dad. When Nicky entered the living-room she found Izzie snuggled in her blanket as close to Dan as she could get.

"Are you okay?" Dan looked over at her. Tears welled up in her eyes before a full blown panic attack erupted in her.

"I..._I...I_..." her face scrunched up, her shoulders bounced up and down as she cried in heavy sobs.

"Hey,.._hey_..." Dan couldn't get up fast enough. "Still not feeling well?" he crouched down and felt her head. She attached herself to him, holding tightly to his shoulder blades. Serena and Izzie watched as Dan scooped her up and headed towards her room. The whole way over, she shook like a leaf. _"Niiiicckkkyy_..." Dan said softly as he squeezed her and tried to get her to calm down.

"I'm fine can we watch the movie?" she sniffled and wiped her eyes, getting a grip on her emotions.

"You sure?" he grabbed a tissue and wiped her eyes concerned. "We can watch it another day, maybe you need sleep"

"I've,...i've had ennough sleep. I want to watch the movie"

"Okay" As Dan brought her down to the sleeping bags beside the couch, Izzie somehow wedged herself in between Nicky and Dan so Nicky was now sitting beside Serena.

"What are you doing?" Nicky asked her friend, her eyes still sparkling with tears. "Can I please sit beside my dad?" she asked her friend politely.

"Why don't you sit beside me hun?" Serena offered making room for her on the opposite side. Dan was shocked that she was really trying this. His hand extended to his baby who just wanted to be close to him.

"Why would I want to sit beside you?" she cried grasping on to Dan.

"Okay,..." Dan knew she was overly worked up from being sick. He pulled her on to his lap until the back of her head was resting on his chest. He bowed his head and kiss her on the cheek. She inhaled and exhaled finally feeling at ease. Dan hands intwined with hers and she closed her eyes and listened to the beat of his heart instead of the movie. Dan was thinking she should be in her bed and maybe it wasn't a good night for visitors. His face rested gently against hers and he hummed trying to get her to fall asleep. Izzie watched Dan and Nicky for awhile before she piped up.

"Dan,...do you want another cookie?" she asked with her hand touching his forearm.

"_You can't have my dad_..." Nicky said shocking Dan before he could even decline Izzie's cookie offer. "You can't have my dad just because your own dad is a deadbeat and..." Dan's eyes widened.

"hey,..._enough_" Dan got her to stop talking as he squeezed her hands. Dan looked over to see Izzie who was shocked more than anything, she frowned a little. Dan felt terrible and told Nicky very politely to go to her room and think about what she just said.

"What?" Nicky's eyes widened.

"I'll meet you there in a minute..." he spoke quietly. The tone in his voice was neither scolding or punishing which infuriated Serena. As Nicky stood up she grabbed her blanket and brought it with her. Dan just finished apologizing to Serena when Nicky slammed her door shut driving Serena's anger to an all time high. Dan had a no 'slamming doors' policy and Nicky knew he would be knocking on her door any minute to tell her to quit the attitude. "Excuse me," Dan said to Serena before going to her door.

"Open this door," Dan knocked lightly with the back of his knuckle. Serena stood waiting to hear him ground her. There was no answer so Dan tried again in a voice Serena approved of "Open this door _now_" he was dead serious and it came out in more of a growl than a yell. If Nicky ever wanted raspberry macrons ever again she would have to open the door.

"Yes?" she held the door firmly in her hand and kept it open a crack.

"Why did you slam the door?" as always the second she was standing in front of him Dan dropped the strict parent act.

"I was angry, I'm sorry" she tried to close the door now.

"Maybe you should come out and apologize to Izzie?" Dan questioned holding the door open.

"For what? it's true...she can't just take you because she doesn't..."

"Can I talk to her?" Serena pushed at the door.

"Serena..." Dan blocked her from getting into Nicky's room. "Let me talk to her okay?"

"No, I want to say something..." Serena's jaw was tight.

"Can you please just let me?" Dan held his hand out but it was too late Serena entered Nicky's room. Not wanting to listen to a speech, Nicole walked out of her room and headed towards the living-room. All Serena needed was a chase to set her anger off even more.

"She's your friend, be nice to her! You won't have many if you continue to treat people this way!" Serena stared at her, Nicky shut down immediately, her throat swallowed harshly and Dan walked over. Serena's cold stare, icy eyes and clenched fists put a stop to Nicky. Dan could almost hear her heart beat thumping in her chest due to the sound of Serena's booming voice. He figured it could have been his own when he realized how angry he was that Serena felt the need to raise her voice. "You're not the centre of anyone's world, so smarten up and act like a big girl," her face couldn't be more than an inch away from Nicky's. "You've had him all your life and he's not some piece of property that only waits on your hand and foot. You're a spoiled brat Nicky. If you think for one second that..." she grabbed Nicky's wrist.

"Serena,..." Dan started with a stern voice. "Let...go" he needed to keep his anger in check. When Serena's hand released the tiny wrist, Nicky ran to her room, being sure to close the door gently behind her.

"Yeah, go after her Dan..." Serena shook her head completely disappointed in him.

"What do you want me to do Serena? Do you want me to leave her?"

"yes! I want to carry on with our night as she comes up with a good apology," Dan ignored her. The only reason Serena was standing in his apartment was because of Nicky. When Dan turned the knob of Nicky's door he was surprised to find it was unlocked.

"What's going on?" he walked over and sat on her bed.

"I don't know,.." she played with the fringe of her blanket. "...she can't have you" her eyes were swimming and Dan titled his head at her.

"Have me? what do you mean have me?..." Dan began but Nicky interrupted him.

"She has a dad!" she caught a tear as it spilled over the brim of her eye. "He may have choose to neglect her but she has one. You don't get two, that's not the way it works. I have a dad! and I had a pretty good one before he pushed me to the side"

"I'm not pushing you to the side" he said gently. "I don't know what you're talking about. I sat beside her,..."

"You talked to her all night..."

"All night?,...you're aware how silly this sounds right?"

"You were sitting with her..."

"Omigoodness you sound like your mom," he laughed recalling a distinct memory of Blair having a slight meltdown at her baby shower."I was only sitting with her because you were in busy in the kitchen trying to burn the building down," he joked, Nicky cried a little. "I'm kidding. Come here" he said softly pulling her on to his lap. He rested his chin on her chestnut curls and rocked gently from side to side.

"_You're my baby,_" he reminded her while running his hand over her back and kissing her cheek, Nicky cried harder. She closed her big doe eyes as Dan whispered things in her ear. "_my one and only,..._" he caressed her cheek. Nicky relaxed against him, then hugged him tightly. Dan pressed a kiss on her forehead and held it there for a few seconds. "_You_ ARE_ the centre of my world_..." he smirked letting her know Serena was wrong about that one. "I was just trying to be nice to Izzie and you are clearly a little emotional because you're sick"

"It upset me so much,"

"I know" he smiled gently. "But you have no reason to be upset."

"I guess I was a little silly..." she confessed.

"Just a little" Dan smiled assuring her.

"Wanna know something?"

"Yes"

"The day you were born was the best day of my life,"

"Really?" she beamed.

"Yes. It was the day I finished my book tour..."

"Daddy!..." she giggled.

"What? I'll never forget it. Nate called me when I was signing books and said 'Showtime' "

"showtime?" Nicky smiled.

"and I couldn't get out of there fast enough,"

"So you really wanted me?"

"I can't even...Nicky..." Dan sighed. He squeezed her tightly but didn't answer her question. "You want to come back out now?"

"Can I stay here for a little while"

"I promise Serena isn't going to say anything else, we're just going to watch the movie now" he ran his hand through her hair.

"...I want to stay here"

"Okay. Then you can come out an apologize to Izzie?" Dan squeezed her hand.

"Yes," she smiled.

"If you need anything..."

"I'll call your people," she smiled softly.

When Dan walked out Serena's arms were folded over her chest. "So,...?" she asked.

"So what?" he began cleaning the mess in the kitchen not really feeling a movie anymore.

"What did you say to her?"

"None of your business..." Dan said softly, still cleaning.

"No punishment?"

"We talked..."

"Good parenting,..bravo" she said sarcastically. "I think she deserved at least a..."

"A what? I have my way of parenting and you have yours," he wiped down the counter down with a cloth wondering how he should tell Serena to leave.

"What parenting are you talking about? all I see is you treating Nicole like an adult, she's nine, she needs discipline"

"I'll say what she needs," he continued putting things away.

"Oh this is Dan being on Blair's side when clearly,...Serena" she pointed at her daughter who was watching tv "...is the right one"

Dan was at a loss for words with what just came out of her mouth. "Did you just say that?" he stared at her. "Are you really making this a Serena Vs. Blair thing?" he waited for an answer. "Seriously?" he rolled his eyes with a shake of his head not believing how childish she was being.

"You're the one taking sides"

"Who's taking sides?" Dan asked exasperated and angry that they were even having this conversation. "I'm trying to tell you to not yell in my daughter's face. This is not about you or Blair" he stared. "this is about you getting carried away and not knowing that this is not your place,"

"If you think I got carried away for what she did you're oblivious, you're literally blind to the things she does." Serena shook her head. "She's manipulative and you just let her walk all over you. I thought you were smarter than that"

"Are you honestly trying to tell me that you know my daughter better than I do?" he blinked.

"It's textbook Dan. she cries, you run. Just like with Blair..."

"What?" Dan laughed sarcastically. "For the record you know nothing about Nicky. Nothing."

"I know she's spoiled..."

"and she's also sweet and generous and funny. Do you even know why Izzie and Nicky are friends? The sixth grade girls are cliquey as hell so Nicky brought her to play with the fifth grade girls. The only reason she's distraught right now is because her life just changed drastically in the last couple months and she..."

"You're just bias Dan,"

"You're just holding a grudge Serena," Dan shrugged.

"No. I just know you made the wrong choice. You and Blair played house for a few years and now look at you. You're not my Dan,"

"Don't call me 'your Dan' " He exhaled and stared at her point blank. "I'm not a possession. I'm the same Dan. And playing house? we were married! I don't know how you can't grasp the concept! You're obviously holding some kind of grudge,"

"Maybe I am,...because I had everything going for me until I found out about you and Blair. I finally find a guy that is so much like you it makes me forget about how betrayed I felt and how alone I was."

"Betrayed?,...like when you just took off on me?"

"And you know what he did to me Dan? this" she showed him a scar on her chin. It was barely noticeable until she pointed it out. "I guess he wasn't like you after all" she said softly.

"Why did you even have to look for someone like me? you had me! you had me... _and you left. I can't see how this is my problem Serena,_"

"he threw a beer bottle at my face" Serena said disregarding Dan's words. Dan just stared at her not believing she was trying to blame this on him, not believing that after all this time she was still trying to play the damsel in distress. "and after I forgave him for the umpteenth time he smacked me around,...I found out I was pregnant and guess what? Jimmy was an upstanding gentleman and he packed his things and left, i'm sorry but when she made that comment,...it was uneducated and in poor taste, I don't care if she didn't mean to hurt her feelings, she did!"

"I'm sorry," Dan said genuinely. "I'm sorry that Nicky made a comment, I'm sorry about everything that happened to you, but you can't blame that on me. You can't blame me for everything that's wrong in your life, " he looked up to see Izzie was still watching tv and had no knowledge of their argument.

"You took off to find yourself and left everyone. You wonder now why Eric acts weird around you and doesn't answer your calls? you wonder why Nate is standoffish? they don't _know you_ anymore Serena. Throughout everything with Jimmy you never thought to call us? your best-friends are here and you didn't even bother to tell us your life was crumbling?. We all said 'She'll figure it all out, she's a strong woman and we shouldn't worry about Serena' you're selfish if you thought we'd come looking for you; _you left us_" Dan waited a moment before continuing.

"You already abolished me from your lives...how could I come back then?" she began to cry.

"We wanted to be friends with you, we tried to be friends with you," he reminded her. "If you had just been our friend none of this would have happened"

"I TOLD YOU I WAS SORRY!" she burst into loud sobs. "What else can I say? I hated myself so much after what happened..."

"Serena,...it was an accident. I'll give you that,...Blair will give you that.."

"I'm so so so sorry" she started to cry. "If I hadn't been there then,..."

"It was a long time ago,...we don't talk about that anymore"

"You were so mad at me" her bottom lip shook.

"Do you think it was unjustified?"

"No," she answered. "..I think about it all the time but when I see Nicky..." she smiled and took a deep breath. "When I see her I feel like everything is okay..."

"Oh don't..." Dan put his hand up he didn't want to hear her excuses or her trying to make what she did seem okay. He felt sick thinking Serena thought everything was okay, "You can apologize and I will accept it just fine but you have no idea..." he held his hand out wishing she didn't evoke this kind of anger in him, "you don't even know the half of what we had to go through...please do not act like everything is okay because she's here"

"I thought you said it was a long time ago and..."

"It was. Please,...just please don't play it off like it's no big deal. It _is_ a big deal. Nothing about _that_ is okay, not even today so please don't start with me. She's here, she's healthy...how does that change anything? It _is_ a big deal,"

"I know it is," she nodded.

"There was a time when I believed you ruined our lives Serena,"

"I know and i'm sorry."

Dan nodded and a beat passed between them. "I really wish you would go and talk to Izzie..."

"Me?" Dan blinked.

"yes" she pressed her lips together and folded her arms again.

"Serena, That is not my job" he said honestly.

"I think maybe it would be best if you did some damage control"

"I'm sorry no" he put his foot down even though he wanted to give in.

"She doesn't understand what's going on and...Dan, she's my whole world.."

"and she,..." Dan pointed to Nicky's door "...is my whole world. Serena,...Izzie has a mom, a mom that is perfectly capable in explaining why her dad isn't in her life and why that doesn't matter"

"..."

"I need you to leave," he said simply. Serena nodded gently then looked over to see Izzie leaving Nicky's bedroom but not before saying she'd see her at school when she felt better. Dan smiled lightly thinking maybe Nicky and Izzie were nothing like Serena and Blair.

When they were gone Dan stood for a moment in the kitchen leaning against the granite of the counter top. He thought about how Serena should have never been allowed in his home in the first place. He thought about the damage she caused his marriage, his career and his entire life.

_The harsh lights, the crying, the blood, the screams and his head spinning like he was going to pass out, the multiple times he threw up until the contents of his stomach were completely gone and he heaved until Eleanor squeezed harshly on his neck and told him to breath. The bear hug his dad gave him that kept him up off the floor, Nate's calm words, Serena crying and trying to apologize as Eleanor's booming voice told her to leave that instant. Dorota showing up in her pajamas and slippers, Nina rushing into the hall barefoot and carrying her sling-backs. Cyrus on the phone with Harold, the splitting headache and the feel of his hands shaking uncontrollably. _

Dan felt bile rise up in his throat. He threw up in the sink seconds later. Groaning under his breath as slid down the cabinets and sat on the floor, his mind swimming with memories. Dan pressed his palms flush against his eyes and inhaled deep and steady.

"Did I make you sick daddy?" Nicky frowned as she padded towards him. "I didn't mean to give you my flu" Dan rubbed his eyes quickly.

"No, you didn't" he stood, walked over, and scooped her up.

"I love you" he pressed a kiss on her forehead. "I'm proud of you, you're smart and beautiful and funny...you're perfect,"

"No one is perfect," she pressed her head lazily against his.

"You know...that's true" he smiled lightly with a nod. "I'm glad you know that. But I want you to also know that you're perfect to me" she smiled the best she could. "And you mom thinks the same, you are absolutely perfect. Wouldn't trade you for anything," he placed her gently on her bed.

"I hope not,"

"Well maybe a billion dollars..."

"Dad.." she groaned as he pulled up the covers.

"What? it's expensive to live in New York," he nudged her.

"Mmm..." she didn't have the energy to bite back.

"You're still not feeling well hey?" he pushed some hair out of her face.

"Nope," she took a deep breath and exhaled, trying to calm her stomach.

"Do you want me to call mommy? I know she does this better than I do..." he stoked the hair behind her ear.

"You're doing okay," she assured him. Dan and Nicky snuggled up on her big bed, he continued to run his hand through her curls in a comforting way that seemed to soothe her.

"Do you remember when Mommy worked and we went to the park everyday?" she asked.

"Mhmm" he nodded. "I was the only dad out of like eight moms..." he laughed.

"You were like a celebrity," she giggled.

"Didn't last very long," Nicky said.

"Mommy didn't like being away from you. You know,..when you were on the way she planned on taking off one week of work but it turned into the full year maternity leave. She went back for less than two weeks and decided she couldn't do it, she didn't go back to work until you were five and in full time school," he laughed. "That's when I started publishing," he explained.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

"Hello my pumpkin!" Nina ran up to Dan who walked out of the elevator with the baby in a carrier. Nina starred at the baby, radiating complete happiness. Dan looked at Nina confused he never in his life thought he would see Nina melt in the presence of a newborn baby. Placing the carrier up on a desk Dan removed his jacket as Nina leaned in and lifted the tiny bundle. "ooo Hi baby. Look how pretty your dress is," she commented on the lacy white dress paired with black tights, a fasinator and the tiniest mary-janes anyone had ever seen. Nina made a twisty face then smacked Dan on the arm.

"Dan, you dope..." she couldn't help but laugh. "Her dress is on backwards..."

"It is?" he took a look.

"Buttons in the back genius,"she put Nicky over her shoulder. "Come here baby, your daddy doesn't know what he's doing. Let's fix you before mommy sees how incompetant he is," Nina quickly set her down gently on a clear table and lifted her little arms out of the holes and turned the dress until it was on properly.

"That's better," she smiled picking her up. "So how do you like being mister stay at home dad?" she asked Dan with a smirk.

"I'm not a stay at home dad," he said defensively. "I'm a writer who works from home,"

"How much writing have you done since she came home?" Nina lifted her eyebrows.

"Okay that's not fair she's only two weeks old," he argued.

When Blair caught sight of Dan she escaped a probably seriously conversation with a colleague and ran as quickly as her heels would allow. "Oh you're here!" she smiled brilliantly at her sleepy baby and greeted Dan with a kiss. "Come and meet everyone sweetness," she took Nicky from Nina.

"Daddy did a nice job of dressing you for once," Blair giggled. Dan rolled his eyes as some of the women from the office came over to see the baby.

"Blair she looks just like you," Jo beamed at Nicky who was failing to keep her eyes open. Dan smiled knowing he couldn't believe how much she looked like Blair.

"Dan? how you like being at stay-at-home dad?" Commented Lint.

"Uhh,..." he sighed. "I'm not a stay-at-home dad," he defended himself once more. Eventually the whole office had seen Nicky and Blair beamed proudly.

"I'm going to head out," Dan put his palms up waiting for Blair to place the baby back in his arms. Blair looked around her office before leaning in and whispering.

"_Can I come home with you?_" she asked in a little voice.

"Is everything done?" Dan looked at Lint who looked a little stressed, sitting at his desk typing away.

"No,..." Blair smiled sheepishly. "I can just say i'm sick and leave early,"

"You came home early yesterday and the day before," he laughed. "You had a whole week off last week," he reminded her.

"It wasn't enough," she squeaked looking at her sleeping baby. "Umm," she swallowed. "What if I wanted to take MAT leave?" she bit her lip.

"Like the full year?" he asked shocked.

"It would be so beneficial,..I mean you could get more work done if I was at home and then we wouldn't need a nanny or to have Dorota over everyday and it would just make everything way easier."

"Blair..."

"I know I said I only wanted to take a week off but when i'm at work she's all I think about" she looked down with shame in herself.

"I didn't think you'd want that but yes stay home with her if that's what you want. I just want you to do what you want. If you change your mind tomorrow and want to go back to work, just tell me."

"It's what I want" she nodded. "Just for a year...that's all,"

"Why are you acting like I disaprove? You could take off two years if you wanted,"

"I could?" she lit up.

"I can't believe you want that" Dan smiled.

"I know. I shocked myself too. But there are way more important things in life these days. I don't want someone else to be there to see her grow. I want to be that person"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

"You never told me the exact moment you fell in love with her," Nicky rested her head against her pillow.

"With who?" Dan asked. Nicky grumbled with his response so he tried again. "Okay, okay,..it was not just one moment Nic. It was several. It's not about anything she did or what she said. It was always about who she was"

"I love that answer," she smiled.

When Nicky was sound asleep Dan walked around the apartment. He knew he woulsn't be able to sleep. He sat himself at his desk and hoped he could maybe start an outline for another novel. So far his new book, "Perhaps" was doing great. He knew by the volume of people at his book signing earlier that day. He smiled thinking about how Blair still showed up to his book signing and bought a couple copies. He never knew why she bought two copies, he assumed one was for her and one was for Nicky. But without fail she would show up, it was only the book he wrote just before their divorce that she didn't show up for. He's fairly sure she doesn't own that book, and he can't blame her. He wishes he never wrote it now. After a moment of looking at a blank screen he decided tonight might be a good night to pick up a notebook and a pen. He opened his drawer and took out an old notebook he used for ideas, underneath it he found the letter Blair wrote to Serena. He forgot all about it. The seal was ripped open, he had every intention of reading it before, nothing was stopping him now. Once again he looked around his office feeling slightly guilty. He knew it was wrong, he knew he shouldn't be opening a letter that wasn't his but it had to be over ten years old now. He wasn't quite sure what it was going to be about as suspected the letter began formal.

_Dear Serena,_

_I don't know where to go from here. I've done all I can do. I'm exhausted. Exhausted from dealing with you on a regular basis. You can't be in our lives anymore. I know i'm not one to beg but please please, stay away from us and leave us be. It seems as though you've moved on and just when I think you've moved past this, you come back and start all over again. Your mother told mine that you are coming back to the city and right now my mind is consumed about what this means for me and Dan. Please stay away, remember the friendship we had and do me this favour. I'm telling you this before anyone else because it might change your mind about what you're doing, I'm pregnant. I need you to move on, not just for me and Dan but for the child we are about to have. This my family and I couldn't bare to watch you come back into his life and take him from me. Please find it in your heart to have mercy and leave us be. I know you feel betrayed but please don't do anything harsh, you know that this is my family now. He's my husband, and you need to stay away from him. I know we always talked about being friends forever and we'd never let a man come between us but we did. I don't regret that, and I never will. Do you ever just wonder if he was meant for me? you got your chance with him and I had my chance with him. I know you'll find someone else, so please don't come back for him. If he ever left me for you I don't know what i'd do with myself, please don't give him that option. He's mine._

Every word on the page hurt Dan, every line made him feel ill. How could she feel so insecure? why hadn't she told him about her insecurities. Why didn't she know that he loved her too much to ever go back to his ex, why would she ever feel the need to write this letter? Dan reveled in the fact she never sent it, but the need to write it must have come at a time of sheer desperation. Imagining her writing his letter made Dan's heart break for her, her emotions were scattered along the page, the furiousness of her writing was there, the smudge of her tear. Why didn't he suspect this? and more importantly what warranted such a letter?

Dan's eyes glanced up at the clock on the wall before he picked up his cell-phone and dialed. "Hello," she answered.

"Hey Daisy," Dan smiled into the the phone when he heard her voice on the other end. "I just,..."

"Why are you calling me that?" she asked with defense in her voice.

"I've always..."

"Dan, don't," she gulped feeling highly emotional. "Please don't call me that," her voice was distant.

"But I always..." he tried to remind her, confused that she was upset.

"No,...just don't," her voice was strained. "Please," she pleaded. "What did you want?" she made his call feel like an inconvenience.

"Nicky uh...she told me that umm...you think all the things I wrote about you were lukewarm to the things I wrote about Vanessa and Serena..." Blair didn't say a thing, she didn't know what to say. "I just...," he swallowed. "I want you to know that's not true,"

"You called to tell me that?"

"I want you to know that you were the greatest joy in my life. I don't want you to think that you were just another girl. I have notebooks full of things you never read,"

"Mm," she made a soft sound of acknowledgment.

"I'd hate for you to move on and think that. I want to set the record straight. So, with that said...goodnight Daisy,"

"I told you not to call me that," she inhaled harshly.

"Why wouldn't I call you that now?" a soft laugh escaped. "Nicknames are forfeited when people divorce?" Blair was quiet for a moment.

"You called me that when you loved me,...when you loved me and would rather die than let Serena into our home" Dan suddenly knew what this was about. "Goodnight Dan" she hung-up.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**I hope you liked it! review for me please it's the only way I know if it makes sense and if everyone is following along with minimal issues. I know that it might be hard to grasp with all the flashbacks but it's mapped out well,..in my opinion anyway. If you have a question please PM me. I try to answer the questions in the reviews but it's hard to keep up so if you PM me, I promise i'll reply and answer any issue you might have with this fic. I know there's some heavy stuff going on here but I promise the next chapter is going to be fun. I have Dan and Blair go back to Yale for a date...only them right? Instead of having a Blair day or a Dan day, they have a Dan and Blair day. A day that caters to them as a couple of equal partners. It's more lighthearted. This will ease up on the drama after I reveal some major things. Once it's all out i'll let it air out a bit...i'll try anyway. Thanks for reading. I would love to try and take requests for my following chapters. Anything you'd like to read? more present? more flashback? a specific flashback? i'm open to anything. Thanks for reading! xoxox -FQ**


	8. Ain't no Sunshine

A/N: There's a storm brewing..., please don't hate me. By the end if you don't hate me, please review.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**(AIN'T NO SUNSHINE)**

By: Lighthouse Family

_From: Notting Hill_

**_XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOX_**

*At first I wanted him home. I told him to come home to me. When the elevator doors opened we hugged without words, I was calmed by his presence, soothed by his arms around me. We clung to each-other, we missed each-other and thus, I was certain our marriage would overcome this.

We had sex that night. Thankfully Nicky was in Paris because I was certain we would have fumbled to the bedroom with the same non-composure that lacked any poise. The second we were on the bed Dan changed his tune, he wanted it to be slow, he wanted a session, I could tell by how he kissed me. I didn't kiss his lips when I smelled cigarette smoke on him, I preferred his cheek or neck. I knew I put him at ease by doing this with him. The look of shame on his face was replaced with relief. With my feet planted firmly on the mattress I realized I wasn't relieved. Dan smelled the same way he did when I told him to get out of our apartment just a few days prior. I made a comment as we laid in bed, he offered to shower but the damage was already done. Showering wasn't going to change anything.

This vice of his had been something he started and stopped with frequency. For years i'd catch him out on the balcony smoking with Nina. It didn't matter that I knew he was doing it, he still hid his hand behind his back like I was some kind of idiot. He valiantly stopped smoking when I was pregnant, though that proved difficult for him. He stopped again when Nicky was born and for the very first time he had a real excuse to quit. When he started writing his fifth book it was like something snapped, he reverted back to his half a pack a day habit. Nicky and I taunted him relentlessly. We bought him the patch, we bought him nicotine gum, we called him 'smokey' and sometimes when Nicky wasn't around I called his cigarettes cancer sticks or make comments about him slowly killing himself. I turned my head into the pillow trying to push thoughts about what transpired a week ago out of my mind. The night I caught Dan in his office was replaying in my mind, over and over. When it was over I was alleviated. Dan looked at me curiously, he knows there was no way I came. Before he could ask if i was okay, I closed my eyes and just wanted him off me. In this moment, with his eyes staring at me pleading for forgiveness all I saw was Chuck. All I felt was weak. Weak for letting myself become manipulated so easily, for allowing myself to forgive blindly to make him feel better, for his benefit. When I returned to our bedroom after getting myself ready for bed I slipped into the king size bed as far away from him as possible. He sought me out in the dark and hugged me tightly with my back against his chest.

"Dan,..." I pushed him away lightly. He didn't get the hint and clung to me, his chin digging into my shoulder, almost painful. Our legs were tangled together as he held me close to him, I felt like a prisoner. "Can you loosen your grip?" I asked politely. Dan let go immediately, now caressing my arm.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked concerned.

"No," I closed my eyes and tried to pretend he wasn't stroking my arm and making his way around to my breasts.

"Please don't,..." I removed his hands and felt my eyes sting with tears. He didn't stop. "...Dan, I'm tired," I have never declined Dan. I have never told him to stop touching me. I always loved when he touched me. I love when we cuddled. It was alarming to me, just as much as it was to Dan that I was uncomfortable with the contact. I heard him chuckle lightly before his hand invaded my pajama bottoms hoping he could make up for the first round with his hand. And usually that was more than acceptable.

"I said stop..." I groaned before turning to face him.

"Ok, Ok..." he agreed he wouldn't touch me. "Miss uptight tonight,..." it was meant to be a joke but it was all I needed for my short wick to set aflame.

"I think i'm allowed to be uptight tonight. I think I have every reason in the world. You're lucky we had sex tonight, you're lucky you're in my bed tonight!"

"OK!" Dan said loudly as he scrambled out of bed. "You could have just told me that you felt that way!" he trudged through our apartment before collapsing on to the couch, smacking his pillow and tossing and turning until he was comfortable. I cried for hours before falling asleep.* - Blair

**PRESENT**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Blair, Nina and Nicky all sat at high tea like the upper crust women they were. Nicky munched on cucumber sandwiches while her mom and godmother looked over their look-book. "This looks great! Judy can go fuck herself," Nina commented forgetting they were in the presence of an impressionable young girl.

"Nina!" Blair scolded her. "Pretend you didn't hear that Nicky,"

"It's okay. Daddy told me to never repeat things that Nina says and Nate told me to never do what Nina says," she smirked lightly before going back to her tea.

"Well that's heart warming," Nina said sarcastically.

"More like never repeat what Nate says and never do what Nate does," Blair smiled at her daughter.

"I think you spend too much time with those dopes," Nina said. Blair inhaled quietly not wanting her to know how much time Nicky had actually been spending with her father. Today was the first day in six that she had seen her daughter. The phone calls and text messages seemed to be enough contact for Nicky but Blair wanted to see her face, snuggle with her and take her out. It started to feel like Dan had full custody and she had visitation rights.

"I bought Dan's book yesterday," Nina put her teacup down. "Did you start yours yet?"

"I haven't found the time," Blair said quietly lying through her teeth. She had read the first chapter but decided it might be a bad idea to continue. The novel was about a man telling his young daughter the story of how he fell in love with her mother. It was a mystery but Blair knew the plot all too well. There were embellishments but she knew in her heart that Natalie, right down to the patterned tights, was a character based on herself. "I already know how it ends," she smiled sheepishly.

"I don't know. I think he might surprise us,"

"Can I read it?" Nicky asked.

"NO!" Nina though back to a very detailed sex scene that made her heart thump a little.

"It's not for kids sweetheart," Blair said.

"Then why is it dedicated to me?" she said in a sassy voice.

"Because you inspired him," Blair smiled.

"When i'm eighteen can I read it?"

"Maybe," she said easily. Nina and Blair went back to their work looking at the wedding special when Nicky piped up.

"Nina, how come you got married but you don't have a husband?" she saw the page with her mom's coworkers all in their wedding dresses. Blair refused to put hers on despite protest in the office. Nina chuckled a little before tilting her head to Nicky.

"I didn't actually get married. Close but no cigar," she smiled.

"Nina was a runaway bride," Blair giggled. "Too soon?" she cringed at her friend.

"No, no no. I like that we can laugh about this now," Nina smiled with an approving nod. "Two years is a good time to let things go," Blair inhaled and Nina apologized. "I didn't mean...it's a completely different situation,"

"Nina..." Blair gestured to Nicky and she stopped talking.

"Can I sleep at daddy's tonight?" Nicky asked picking a macron off the tiered tray.

"Umm,.." Blair looked to Nina. "You were there all week," she wanted to say no, but couldn't deny her if it's what she wanted. "I thought we were going to have a spa day tomorrow and order chinese,"

"I think,..." she looked at her plate. "I want to stay with daddy," she made up her mind easily.

"What if we went to the MET or film forum instead?" Blair tried.

"No that's okay. I wanna go there,"

Blair felt a sharp pain in her gut but she smiled. "Well,..." she gulped. "Call him then sweetie," her eyes fixed on her look-book, trying to take her mind off Nicky on the phone with Dan. "I'll be right back," Blair excused herself in a small voice.

"Blair,..." Nina tilted her head in concern.

"...Right back," she fought tears. Nina looked over at Nicky who finished her phone-call with Dan.

"I can't go to my dad's tonight because he won't be home," she said easily as she went back to her treats.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

When Dan heard what restaurant the girls picked out he immediately wanted to suggest another place. A place that wasn't so sacred to him.

"Dan Humphrey," the waiter smiled. "It's been awhile,"

"That it has," Dan nodded feeling very uncomfortable.

"Your usual? the 86'?"

"Uh I don't drink hard liquor anymore. I'm fine with just water," he said politely. Dan sat relatively quiet for most of the evening despite Nate's intervening to get him and Claudia on a topic. Getting fed up with Dan's yes and no answers to Claudia's questions, Nate decided desperate times called for desperate measures.

"Steph and I are going to go," Nate stood and threw his cheque envelope on the table.

Dan glared at Nate. "Go where?" his lips were tight. He did not want to be left alone with Claudia. He had nothing to say to her and he was less than interested in anything she was saying.

"Oh,..I don't know. Probably back to my place..." he smirked before escorting her out of the restaurant.

"Well that's awkward..." Claudia felt her face.

"Oddly enough that's not the first time he's done this to me," Dan played with his napkin, his eyes on the table. "Do you just,..." he wanted to know if she wanted to just leave.

"So you have a daughter?" Claudia interrupted him with small talk.

"I do. Yeah," he nodded.

"Nate said she's really smart and funny...maybe i'll get to meet her sometime?"

"uh..." he nodded slightly while drinking from his water glass. "You have any kids?" he asked.

"Me, no," she answered. "I'm not sure if I want to," she thought for a moment.

"I highly recommend it," he chuckled lightly. "It's like the greatest most rewarding thing you'll ever do. You'll never love someone so much...It's life changing and scary but definitely worth it,"

"Do you ever want to have more children?" she smiled at him.

"No, not me," he scratched the under side of his chin. "You can though. You should, "

"Hm," she looked down at her plate feeling uncomfortable.

About fifteen minutes later after Dan told Claudia about his job they decided to call it a night. They stood awkwardly outside the restaurant waiting for a cab. Dan felt terrible but all he did the entire night was judge her. Nate said she was in medicine but that night Dan learned she was a dental hygienist. She didn't read much, she had never seen a Hitchcock movie she refused to watch anything Stanley Kubrick, for fear it may give her nightmares. And for the cherry on top she was wearing tights with an oversized blouse; tights as pants. As Dan's eyes fixed on her ugly flats, she piped up.

"If you drove here,...you can just..." she gestured to let him know he didn't have to wait for her cab with her.

"Okay," Dan didn't hesitate. "Well it was nice going out with you. Maybe i'll see you around," he hoped he didn't come off rude.

"I somehow thought you would say that," she inhaled lightly and looked down at her feet.

"Opposed to what?" he squinted.

"Opposed to maybe...asking me out again," she looked vulnerable and Dan shrugged apologetically he couldn't make himself feel something if there wasn't anything there.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean for it to sound like that. We could go out again if you want,"

"No. It's okay," she smiled lightly. "You made it abundantly clear you weren't interested. And that _we_ wouldn't be going anywhere,"

"It was one date,"

"I know that. I realize that but if you ever want to move on you're going to have to be open minded to things,"

"Like what?"

"Like your life changing from what you see now. The chance you might get married again and you might have more children,..." Dan cut her off.

"But i'm not going to...,"

"You told me I should have some but that you weren't going to,"

"Whoa...this was one date..."

"Dan, you're not listening to me. I'm not saying you we're going to get married and have kids," she laughed lightly. "I'm trying to tell you that you're so locked up in your life at the moment that you won't allow yourself to see anything other than the path you're currently on. From the moment you sat down at the table with me you already had it in your head that it was one date that you had to get through. You never considered the possibility of going out again, you treated this like business dinner."

"Claudia..." Dan sighed.

"Can you just hear me out? a date is supposed to be fun. You're supposed to try and enjoy yourself. You just wanted it to be over the entire time. If you can't allow yourself to live in a moment then you're never going to move on. You need to look at yourself, you need to spend some time thinking about,..."

"Listen," Dan sighed heavily. "I'm self-actualized person. I can psycho-analyze myself and I have...many times. I do NOT need you to tell me what's wrong with me, I also don't need you to tell me what to do so I can move on. I can tell you everything that's wrong with me. I know exactly what my problem is. I can think about it endlessly but that's not going to change _how I feel._.." he swallowed a lump in his throat. Claudia frowned knowing he was definitely upset. "I know she's not coming back. I know I have to move on, I know it's unhealthy for me to keep myself sheltered and be closed minded to the future and what might change, I know what I should do to change these things. I know that I need to do something but...it still doesn't change the fact I wake up every morning and make enough coffee for two," "It doesn't change the fact that I don't want to get out of bed in the morning, it doesn't change the fact that the smell of cigarette smoke makes me sick and most days I think about setting my book on fire..."

"Things will get easier,"

"When? because I keep telling myself that and i'm starting to think i'm a liar,"

"Just keep positive. Okay?" she looked concerned.

"Whoa, that's the best advice a dental hygienist ever gave me. Well, that and flossing...how much do you charge an hour?..I should tip you for that...,"

"Don't be upset with me,"

"I'm not upset with you. I'm upset with myself,"

*I know my husband. I know everything about Daniel Jonah Humphrey. I know simple details like where and when he was born. I know his middle name is his maternal grandfather's first name. I know he's left handed which reflects his very logical thought process but doesn't account for his wild creativity and imagination. I know he's ticklish almost everywhere. I know he was made for Marc Jacobs but when it comes to suits he's all Ralph Lauren. I know he pretends he doesn't care about clothes. Dan was raised in a very loving middle-class family. I know his parents divorced when he was seventeen and he continued to live with his dad. I know his eighth grade teacher told his parents that he was marriage material at a parent/teacher meeting. I know he hates raisins and has never been a fan of Hugh Grant. He likes old soul music, and he shares my love for Radiohead and Coldplay. I know he likes to talk about films in great detail once he's done watching them. I know he loves Hitchcock and his favourite film by far, is 'Rear Window'. I know he's a morning person but never goes to bed earlier than midnight. He drinks his coffee strong and black. I know he has a certain standard for himself and others. He believes in justice and has the strongest moral compass of anyone I know. I know he's talented, and dare I say gifted but there has never been a man so modest or self-deprecating. I know he can definitely be self- righteous. He has integrity and takes great pride in it. He's kind and always a good neighbor, recycles and never litters. He always treats people with the utmost respect unless they've hurt me, he sees no reason to be kind in that case. I've seen Dan cry three times, once happy, twice sad. Dan, my Dan, always treated me like the princess I wanted to be and he definitely deserved an award for being the most patient and loving father. Nicky could ask incessant questions and he'd answer every single one until she was satisfied. I know he loves me fiercely, with every ounce of his being. My husband knows the difference between what is right and what is wrong. I thought I knew everything about my husband, until I felt like I didn't know anything anymore.* -Blair

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

*Dan's fifth novel was his most successful. From the beginning I was weary of this project. He'd been offered a commissioned piece by the publishing house he worked for. There was an idea floating around, and everyone on the board decided it was in the company's best interest to run with the idea and find a writer. Dan wanted it the second he heard they were scouting. I was unsure. Not of his writing, but of the content this novel required. The extensive hours he'd have to lock himself in his office made me uneasy. This was something he had to prove and I couldn't stand in his way. The novel 'Gone' was the apex of Dan's career and the demise of our marriage.

The reviews I remember were:

Scarily honest.

Explores the depths of the criminal mind, whilst offering empathy to an otherwise reprehensible character.

Taps into heights of suspense rarely achieved.

Shockingly addictive

Page turner

Poignant, clever, troublesome.

Stressful read but worth it in the end

If you read one book this year, let it be Daniel Humphrey's 'Gone'.

The only words that came to mind when I saw that cover was heart- breaking, hateful, menacing. The year Dan started writing 'Gone' was the year he changed in my eyes.

Dan became obsessive about getting the job. He stayed up late and wrote and wrote until he had something to hand in to the publishers. Every night he'd come home and make drastic changes, still the publishing house wanted to go with another writer. I heard countless phone conversations of Dan pleading that he just needed a little more time and that he wanted this book more than any other. That he had ideas no one else had. That this was going to be something that would win awards. I felt bad for him, I knew there was no way he was going to get this job. As much as it pains me to say, Dan's first book was only published because Connor Harding pulled some strings for my sake. It wasn't like his career was based on a lie, it just gave him the foot in the door. His second novel was lovely and his third was a great read, his fourth was my favourite by far, but his fifth...that book haunted me. Dan wrote wonderful things about romance, he waxed poetic about the feeling of new love, losing love. He also wrote compelling crime stories but this novel was different. This was grittier, this was not his norm. Of course it did deal with some similar issues but the overall picture was much different from his previous work. The narrator of this story had serious issues. Dan never wrote in first person. He had to find a voice for this character and it was proving difficult, he didn't have the experience, his grit lost authenticity and the writers wanted to go with a a writer who had first hand experience from the point of view of the character. Suddenly, out of nowhere Dan was getting the publishing house calling him over 12 times a day. I remember because I counted. Finally he ran into our bedroom at 7 am and yelled "I GOT IT!" I remember shrugging and asking if he even slept that night. The one thing I found myself most curious about was how Dan managed to write twelve chapters in two weeks. It wasn't like he spent that much time at the office, he visited prisons, he interviewed criminals. He put so much effort in and I was proud of him until one day I came home early from work. Suddenly I saw something in Dan I had seen before in Chuck.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

The pot of bolognese had been on the stove for over twenty four hours now. She had never made it herself and she was proud. It looked and smelled exactly how Dan would have done it. She poured herself a glass of wine and lit her own candle before digging in. She had everything; her garlic bread, her garden salad, kalamata olives and fresh parmesan just like he always did. She even made caesar dressing from scratch for her side salad. She took a bite and remembered why these dinners were so enjoyable; there was one thing missing. Blair topped off her wine glass and stared at the candle that flickered in front of her, she put her fork down, blew out the candle and carried her plate to the living-room. Propping Dan's book up she began to read, being very careful not to spill any pasta sauce on Dan's words.

She didn't make it very far with the second chapter when she heard her elevator doors ding open. She put down her plate and sprang to her feet.

"Daniel, how can I help you?" Blair greeted him. "Where's Nicky?" she suddenly asked.

"She's at home with Nate,"

"Why didn't I know that..." she rolled her eyes amused that Nate practically lived at Dan's.

"I'm only here because I didn't think a phone call would suffice..."

"What?"

"I'm really trying to recall a time when we discussed that she could have a Facebook page," he leaned against the wall.

"All her friends are on it Dan," she sighed not wanting to deal with this right now.

"I don't see how that makes it okay. I don't see how you can be okay with your nine year-old daughter on a social networking site. She has a cell-phone Blair," he was appalled.

"I don't want her to feel left out Dan!" she yelled.

"I wonder why she might feel left out. I suppose it could start with the sixth grade girls!"

"There is nothing wrong with her having friendships with older girls. there is nothing wrong with wanting my daughter to excel and be ahead of the game when it comes time to apply for college"

"She's nine!"

"She's mature for her age and needs to be challenged!"

"I'm not even going to start on that. This is about her being too young for Facebook. When she's thirteen we'll talk,"

"Whatever,"

"Blair, I mean it. Pull the plug on Facebook or I will"

"What exactly are you worried about?" her voice turned him back around.

"This is just the beginning. There is no need for her to social network. She's way too young for that. I don't want her to get caught up in superficial things and end up like my sister when she was in high-school,"

"You said your sister but you really mean _me_ don't you?"

"No, I mean_ my sister_," he annunciated. "I mean that she went from good to evil over a year and a half because she wanted to fit in,"

"I have to say that I believe parenting has a big influence on that,"

"Oh so we're going to insult my father's parenting now?...that's rich,"

"That is NOT what I meant!" she yelled.

"We could easily talk about your mother's parenting,"

"My mother...ha. You know my mom asks about you every single chance she gets? she's worried about YOU. Not me,...YOU,"

"Well I wonder why that might be?...maybe because you kicked me out of our apartment?"

"Don't start with me. I'm sick and tired of you getting to play the part of the victim,"

"I hate to say it but if there is a victim in this it's definitely me"

"Yeah ok,..." she trailed off.

"I don't see how you can forget your little boyfriend you started seeing a year before we filed for divorce. I can't see how you can neglect the fact our marriage ended because you were so caught up with Patrick you stopped talking to me."

"You handed the divorce papers to me! not the other way around Dan!" she yelled.

"I DIDN'T THINK YOU WOULD SIGN THEM!" he yelled back then stepped back.

"...Well you should have thought about that before you handed them to me," her face was frozen, void of emotion.

"I gave you those papers because I thought it might change things. I thought it might have been a wake up call. I thought you'd see them and realize you were putting me through hell. Our marriage ended because you found someone else and decided you didn't even want to try anymore. You know that our relationship went down the drain the year you met Patrick but you wont admit it," he said sadly. "You owe it to me, to just admit it," he said sadly.

"No don't put this on me. Don't you dare...," her jaw tightened.

"It's the truth,"

"Our relationship ended when you brought BLOW into my home!" she screamed. Dan The entire apartment went silent, you could hear a pin drop.

"..." Dan deflated. His lips pressed together and he swallowed a thick lump in his throat as his eyes glossed up. It's not like he forgot but he never blamed this on their demise. "That's not,..." he bit his lip and shook his head.

"What? that's not why our marriage ended?...That was the break. That was the hairline fracture that sent everything to shit Dan,"

"But we...we made up and we were okay,"

"Yeah for how long? three weeks?..."

"It doesn't change the fact you were cheating on me when I was trying to make it work!"

"I was not cheating on you!," she cried. "I needed a friend. I desperately needed a friend that wasn't going to judge me," her eyes looked like huge glossy marbles.

"A friend that told you to sign the papers? A friend that turned into a boyfriend," Dan scoffed.

"Wasn't that what we were?" she asked her eyes filled with tears.

"It's different when you're married Blair. it's different when I used to be your best-friend," he laid a hand across his chest.

"What happens when you don't trust your best-friend anymore?" it was painful for her to say but it was the truth. There was a silence now. Dan looked at his shoes before cutting the silence.

"Well, I came here to talk about Facebook so," he cleared his sore throat. "...Please do something about that. I'm not sure what kind of parent agrees to something like that,..." Dan said. Blair's face fell and Dan could see anger ignite in her veins.

"If that was a shot at my parenting you better get out of here right now," she said under her breath, her eyes filled with tears. She was so angry she could curl up in a ball and cry. "I can't believe...you of all people..." she pointed at him.

"Blair,..."

"There is nothing I take more seriously in the world. If you want to criticize my parenting you can leave now," she swore she could feel the anger in her bones.

"I didn't mean..."

"Just stop talking. It's pretty clear how you feel about me,"

"I didn't mean that. You are a fantastic mother. No one knows that more than I do,"

"She is my main priority and always has been..." she warned him.

"I know. I know,...I trust that if you're letting her have a Facebook that you will make sure she uses it responsibly"

"I will" she nodded. "You know how controlling I am," she offered a light smile through her sniff.

"I don't want us to fight. I don't want to be these kind of exes," Dan said honestly.

"Neither do I,"

"We have one common goal and i think we should remain a team," Dan extended his hand and they shook like business partners.

"I don't want her to ever be the topic of a fight. We never fought about how we raised her. I don't want that to change,"

"Neither do I," He turned away but stopped."Hey, Blair," he took a deep breath. "I really want you to know i'm sorry," he nodded gently.

"You've apologized enough. I don't think you should beat yourself up over it anymore," she crossed her arms loosely.

"Can't really help that," his voice hitched. "I have to live with the consequences every day..." he gulped.

"Well," she blinked trying keep herself from crying. "You might be a little mellow dramatic. Things could have been worse,"

"I can't really see how," he tried to smile, when he couldn't, he got into the elevator.

**FLASHBACK**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"Where is it!" she demanded storming into their apartment and rushing into his office.

"What?" he asked following her."What the hell are you doing?" he starred at his office in horror as she opened all his drawers and unloaded them all over the floor.

"What does it look like?,..where are the keys to this?" she yanked on a drawer. Suddenly she remembered where he kept the keys and riffled through a drawer until she found them.

"Stop,..." Dan held his hand out as she turned the key and opened the compartment. "Blair!" she didn't listen, all she could hear was her heart thumping loudly in her chest.

Once the compartment was open she ripped everything out. She opened boxes. ran her hand over the book spines.

"WHERE IS IT!" she demanded he answer her.

"Stop it!"

"Tell me where it is," she seethed.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" he tried to fix the things she was wrecking. Blair ran her hand under the top of the usually locked cabinet and suddenly stopped and inhaled harshly when a hurdle of tears raced to her eyes. She was utterly speechless as she ripped at the tape until it fell into her hand. Her thumb ran back and fourth on the small plastic bag. "What the is this,..." she spoke under her breath, her not being able to breath in the moment didn't allow for much volume. "Oh god,...oh god..." she cried.

"Blair,"

"I'm not doing this again!" she cried.

"I forgot that was there,"

"Bullshit..." she backed away from him.

"What?"

"Bull...shit" she annunciated.

"I'm trying to explain something here Blair..."

"Answer me one question," she took a deep steadying breath. "Were you high at brunch today?"

Dan made a sound as he exhaled, it sounded like a scoff which caused Blair's jaw to clench. "Were you high at brunch?"

"NO!" he yelled. "I'm not doing it anymore."

Blair nodded with tears in her eyes, she got the response she wanted. "This morning at brunch when you were sitting at the table with my daughter were you high?"

"Absolutely not!" he growled, angry that she would ever think that.

"...I can't believe," she shook her head, her eyes glossed over. "Dan, you just lied to my face" she wiped her eyes. "You just looked me in the eyes and lied,...you lied!" she was bawling now.

"...I"

"You were high at brunch. I know you were. You're high now!," she pointed. "...If I wanted to marry a coke head I would have married Chuck!"

"There's no need for that," he put his hand out.

"You're going,"

"I'm not. I don't need to,"

"It's pretty clear you do," she stormed to the foyer and called Nate.

"Don't," he pleaded. "Blair don't..."

"You have to go,...you have to"

"You won't be here when I come back,..." he said under his breath, his eyes squeezing shut. His head hung in front of him as he sounding like he was going to hyperventilate.

"Dan?" She said in a strong voice. "Hey,.." she ran her hands up and down his neck until he lifted his head and looked at her. His eyes swimming only caused a lump in her throat. Her hands ran up and down his neck in an effort to comfort him. Oh the irony of her comforting him right now. "You need to think about this. You need to realize what you've done and how you can fix it,"

"I know!" he cried harder.

"Shh,..." she pulled him into a hug. "I shouldn't have to be doing this Dan..." she felt him nod on her shoulder.

"I didn't mean to..." he trailed off to cough.

"No one ever means for it to get like this" she rubbed his back. After about a minute of silence Blair spoke up. "I'll pack you a bag..." she trailed off when Dan sniffled and pulled from her.

"Don't make me go," his eyes widened.

"You have to" she nodded.

"I'll go tomorrow. I promise! I'll go tomorrow..." he looked around the apartment. "yeah i'll go tomorrow" he nodded.

"No. You're going with Nate tonight," she felt like she was talking to a child.

"NO!" he rubbed his forehead. "No,...noooo," he starred at his hand and studied the lines on it. "I ca,...I can't, because...you're not going to be here when I get back"

"Don't tell me what i'll do Humphrey," she attempted a smile.

"Can I just stay and see her before I leave?" he swallowed still looking at his hand.

"No" she said simply.

"Why?" he shut his eyes.

"Maybe you could tell me why?"

"I'll be fine tomorrow!, just let me see her"

"Not like this no..."

"Please,"

"Dan, you need to calm down. Take a deep breath,..calm down" she rested her hands on his shoulders. Blair noticed his eyelashes were soaked and clumped together.

"I'm sorry"

"I know but listen to me,...after a week you can come home and see her okay?"

"A week?" he asked.

"Yes. Go and then come back to me okay?"

"You'll be here?"

"Of course"

When Nate showed up he was truly disappointed. He never expected this to happen to Dan. Once was shocking enough but this was downright upsetting.

"Where's Nicky?" he asked hoping she wasn't there to witness this. Dan rocked himself back and fourth determined to stay where he was.

"She's at my mom's," Blair sighed before rubbing her eyes. "Thank you so much Nate,"

"It's not a problem,"

"Nate?" she gulped. "I've never seen him like this before. Before you go to bed tonight can you make sure he's breathing" she cried.

"Blair..." Nate's head tilted. "He's going to be fine,"

"Just don't leave him alone,"

Using a little force, Nate eventually got Dan into the elevator. His hand held a tight grip on the wall and Nate pried his fingers off it. As soon as the elevator door closed Dan slumped to the bottom and sat on the floor. He picked up a stuffed dog that Nicky had left there. "Oh,..." he starred at it.

"You okay?" Nate asked after rubbing his eyes, really disappointed in Dan but probably just as worried as Blair.

"My wife is going to leave me," he pressed his palms against his eyes and inhaled unevenly.

"No she's not" she shook his head.

"Yes she is..." he rested his head on his knees. "and I don't blame her..." his bottom lip shook.

After a complete 7 day detox Dan returned home to his wife who held him tighter than she ever had before. They were going to make it through this. Or so he thought right up till the point where he found himself sleeping on the couch once again.

**XOXOXOXO**

**5 MONTHS LATER**

"Okay, Nicky is at my dad's,...almost ready?" he peered into their bedroom to see Blair starring at her reflection. Her huge doe eyes were smokey, and her lips were a soft peach colour. Her hair the longest it had ever been, was curled and cascaded down her bare back, just close to touching the royal blue material of her Prabel. God, you look amazing," he walked up behind her.

"Thank-you," she politely nodded before turning back to the mirror and putting her earrings in.

"Doug just called to let me know that we hit the number 2 spot,"

Blair blew air through her teeth with a shrug. "Why are you telling me that?" she pulled away from his gaze to pick out a pair of shoes.

"I thought you'd be happy..."

Blair head tilted to the side, confused at how Dan could be so daft. "Well congratulations Dan," she cleared her throat.

"You've been so weird this week..." Dan commented. "You hardly said a word at the gala, what's...what's going on?"

"Nothing," she lied. "I'm happy for you. Can we just get ready for this wedding?"

"Honestly, you were completely fine last week. What changed?"

"I'm just stressed about work," she lied and turned so he wouldn't see her crying.

"Blair?" he said softly. "Tell me what's wrong,"

"I don't want your greatest achievement to be this book!" she turned and faced him. Eyes full of tears, her heart pouring. "I don't want it to be adapted into a movie. I don't want to hear one more comment about it!" Dan felt a lump in his throat, his head tilted to the side with concern but he let her continue. "People have been congratulating me all week on the novel my husband wrote,.._.I don't know the guy who wrote it_," she whispered, her eyes about to spill with built up tears. "This book is not you. This is not my husband,"

"Blair i've always loved your light and your dark. Now you need to try and do the same for me,"

"Dan, i'm not a high-schooler. I made mistakes in the past and i've told myself never to go back. I refuse to let myself make the same mistake...I'm not Anne Archibald."

"But i've only made one mistake," his eyes pleaded for her to understand him.

"One that will live with you for the rest of your life...one that is considered your greatest achievement..." she nodded. Dan watched Blair reign in her emotions by wiping her eyes and starring up at the ceiling, taking small calming breaths. It was quite possible no other woman in the world looked as beautiful while crying.

"I can't take this back. But we can try and move on from it,"

"Yeah,..." she cleared her throat. "Just push it into the past right?"

There was some silence as Blair powdered her nose and touched up the makeup she probably smudged while crying.

"Where did you get those?" Dan noticed her earrings.

"I think these are old,"

"Old as in Chuck gave them to you?...Why don't you wear a pair I gave you?"

"These just go better with my dress," she pulled away. Dan noticed her wedding ring on the vanity. "Are you not going to wear this?" he asked saddened.

"I didn't want to get any makeup on it,..." she gulped before walking over and letting him slip it on. Dan starred at her lips, Blair starred at her hand hoping he would just put it on.

"Why don't you wear the earrings I got you for Christmas," he opened her jewelry box. " I do recall you liking them. If not, you're a better actress than I thought,"

"I want to wear these,"

Dan nodded before she pulled out a necklace that was familiar to him and raised her eyebrows as if to ask him if he'd assist her.

"You're actually going to wear that?" he felt his heart drop. It was like she was dangling it in front of his face, trying to get a rise out of him.

"It's a necklace," she said simply finding no reason for Dan's distaste.

"A necklace that a another man gave you,..."

"It doesn't matter. It's a necklace" she sighed.

"It has sentimental value,"

"NO! It has no sentimental value! It's from Chuck! I like this necklace. It goes with my dress! It has nothing to do with Chuck!" she felt her eyes sting.

I just,...wish you wouldn't wear it,"

"What do you want me to do Dan?" she was frustrated. "Just wear things you gave me? Are you aware of the volume of things I own that were gifts from other men? Do you want me to sell everything I own? Is that what you want? Everything from Nate, Chuck, Carter, Connor...oh perhaps you want me to sell the things my dad gave me too..."

"Blair,..."

"Maybe I want you to sell all the books Serena ever bought you, or Vanessa, or Amanda...or.."

"Enough, I get it" he swallowed feeling the room become incredibly tense. Blair lifted her hands to put the necklace on herself. Dan felt bad watching her struggle and walked over.

"Here,..." he murmured, carefully clasping the claw and hook of the Erickson Beamon necklace. Once it was hooked he removed the other one she was already wearing. As Blair felt the chain brush past her neck she turned.

"What are you doing, why would you take that off?" she snapped, grabbing it from his hand much too harshly. Blair's breathing hitched, sharp and painful when she noticed the plate and the chain had separated. "...I broke it," her lip trembled and her shaky voice threatened to turn into full blown sobbing.

"It's ok, it's okay," Dan took it out of her hand. Blair grabbed hold of Dan and he hugged her tightly. "It's okay," he kissed her temple. "We'll fix it," he caressed her back until she calmed down. "We'll fix it," When Blair pulled away from him she removed the Erickson Beamon necklace and commented that if she wasn't wearing the broken one, then she wouldn't wear a necklace. Her earrings weren't big enough to balance out a bare neck so she put in the earrings Dan gave her for Christmas.

All Dan wanted to do was forget about the wedding and stay in and talk this out.

"Can we just go?" she blinked hoping her tears wouldn't spill on to her face.

"Maybe we shouldn't,..."

"Yeah,..let's not go to Nina's wedding..." she said sarcastically with an eye-roll.

"Can we talk tonight? really talk?"

"After the wedding," she nodded.

As Blair watched Nina read over her vows, her and Dan's vows ran loud and clear in her ears. Her memory of standing there with Dan was so vivid and beautiful in her mind, she looked over at Dan standing with Nate and didn't feel anything. She didn't feel a single emotion other than betrayal when she looked at her husband. The man she stood at the alter with, was not the man she was looking at now.

**A/N:** Yikes...Light chapter next, I promise. I really hope this wasn't too hard for anyone to digest. There are definite holes within this chapter and they will be filled. I just find this way works better when i'm trying to keep things interesting and going between flashbacks and present. I'm just going to pop all over the place from now on. I'll probably explain more in the following chapters and hopefully you don't hate Dan or me for making Dan do this. I have built him up quite a bit and now he gets taken down a few pegs. I hope you liked it. I have a light hearted and cute chapter coming next, it will have a flashback with some sad things but the saddest stuff has yet to come. I hope you enjoy a fic that's an emotional roller-coaster as much as I do. And for those of you that keep reviewing and hoping they'll get back together...there's a reason it's all angst now. Just wait! Blair hasn't finished Dan's book yet...the next chapter will explain why Nicky wants to stay with Dan. I'll get into the mushy stuff and maybe some smut...we'll see how i'm feeling :P... :) xoxox -FQ


	9. Diamonds are a Girl's Best-Friend

**A/N: **There's sooo much to write and not enough time in the world for it. This chapter is constructed a little differently than I would have liked. About a third of the way through, the tone kind of changes. I know I promised it would be lighter but there's just too much I need to write and if you want it all, I have to mix all the chapters up. It's probably going to be a bit confusing but if you followed along this far you should be okay. There is no present in this chapter unfortunately, it just works if it's in the next chapter. Please enjoy and review xoxox **-FQ**

**"DIAMONDS ARE A GIRL'S BEST-FRIEND"**

**Marilyn Monroe**

**From: Gentlemen Prefer Blondes**

Companionship is what she misses most about marriage. She misses cuddling. She misses kissing. God, she misses kissing. She reminisces more than she would like. She thinks about all the good times. She remembers their sex life. So very regular, very rarely would they go through a dry spell unless they were traveling for work. She hasn't had sex in what seems like forever. She thinks about Dan's situation and wonders if he's better off then her in that department, the thought makes her sick. Dan touching someone else makes her skin crawl- it makes her want to dry heave.

**FLASHBACK**

**XOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOX**

It was familiar territory but felt almost completely new. They never walked around Yale campus, holding hands before. The brisk October air nipped at Blair's nose but Dan's gloved hand, linked with hers made her feel warm and cozy. It was nearing 7 pm and campus was getting darker by the minute. Hands linked with Dan she felt something she never experienced before. There was a sense of pride in her relationship. No shame, no hiding behind a facade for others. She held her head high knowing she was genuinely happy right now and completely at peace. They claimed the same study table in the library. Blair sipped on her usual english breakfast tea and Dan gulped at his black coffee while checking the course schedule on his laptop.

"Okay, so it comes down to Avant-garde art history or Greek philosophy?" Dan asked.

"Oh Avant-garde! of course" she stood. Dan packed up his bag and linked arms with her.

"Right this way my dear!," Blair giggled as Dan escorted her to the lecture. She felt somewhat childish but it was always fun being silly with Dan.

As if they never left the place, they picked their usual seats in the lecture theatre and enjoyed the comfort of such a scholarly atmosphere. Just the smell of this place could turn their mood around. Dan tried to tell Blair that he'd love to teach one day just to keep himself in that setting. Blair of course shot down the idea and fed him the line about how people that _can't_, teach. She told him he wasn't fit for teaching. Dan could only take this as a compliment. Blair believed Dan was over and above teaching.

"Umm,..Is anyone sitting there?" a girl gestured at the seat beside Blair.

"Yes. Our bags and books" Blair's eyes narrowed on the girl who was struggling with her knapsack full of textbooks.

"Blair,..." Dan sighed as the girl slowly made her way back down the steps.

"What?, she'll find another place to sit. I can see three seats right there," she pointed. "Now, black or blue?" she fanned out a ridiculous number of pens.

"Black,.._.I guess_" he yanked it out of the line up. Blair smiled widely.

"You're having way too much fun," Dan shook his head with a laugh.

"Humphrey, what is your aversion to the pen I gave you," she wondered why she never noticed him using it. She was certain it sat in it's box in Dan's office since the day he got it.

"That's not a pen. It's a world treasure,"

Blair scoffed. "Your Brooklyn is showing..."

"It's a six hundred dollar pen," he reminded her. "No, I'm not going to take notes with it,"

"Have you even used it?" she asked.

"I wrote on you," he reminded her.

"Oh so that's what you use it for then?" she took a hold of the back of his neck and leaned into him.

"There hasn't been anything else worth writing on," he smirked as she dragged her nails lightly down the nape of his neck, giving him a scratch. "One day when I get a big deal though...or a job with Simon and Shuster..." he looked to see she was sporting a glare.

"No!," her eyes were large. "No publishing,"

"There's stability in publishing,"

"Stability that we don't need," Blair said simply settling into her seat, noticing the professor was about to start. Dan loved when Blair talked about their future together. "We should aim higher and higher and never settle," were her last words before the prof began speaking and she no longer had time for simple conversation. She needed to be a sponge and learn something.

"So teaching is out of the question?" he asked. Blair didn't even acknowledge his question, she was too busy raising her hand straight in the air to answer the professor.

Over the course of lecture Blair answered all of the profs questions not giving a chance for anyone else to answer. Dan added his two cents whenever he felt Blair was getting off topic. They even got a healthy debate going on about contemporary art.

"No that's not always true,"

"Of course it is!"

"It was an opinion Blair. That is your opinion," he tried to reason with her.

"It's a well known fact. Did you take a contemporary class in your junior year? no?, that was me!"

"I didn't. But I did take an avant-garde class so please don't act like this topic is foreign to me,"

"Would you two like to finish your debate later? I'm holding a lecture," the professor stared at both stopped abruptly and went back to taking notes. Dan scratched his into his notebook, Blair wrote hers in cursive. Dan always thought of her writing as beautiful scripture. Dan raised his hand to answer one of the profs questions, it made the prof think for a moment before he stroked his goatee and shrugged, "I suppose you have a valid point,"

"Good answer love!" Blair pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Though I don't think it was a fully fleshed out opinion. If you had more time, you might have been more convincing," she leaned in and kissed him, "But we can finish this conversation later..." Dan deepened the kiss with a light groan in his throat- a near growl that made Blair tingle all over.

"HEY, you two!" The professor called out with a snap of his fingers. "Would you kindly refrain from kissing during my lecture?," Dan's entire neck flushed red until his whole face blushed. "I highly doubt the topic is appropriate. Maybe you would like to continue in a more fitting location?" the professor berated.

"Excuse me?" Blair stood, all eyes on her. "I find it terribly rude and disrespectful for you to call attention to your students! We'll be dropping this class immediately!" she stood collecting their bags.

"It's not your teaching...it's just..." Dan shoved his hands in his pockets uncomfortably.

"Dan!" Blair pulled on his arm. Once they were out of the classroom, Blair burst into roaring laughter, Dan still looked a little embarrassed.

"Aww,.." she titled her head to the side. "There's no need to be embarrassed we don't go here," she reminded him.

"Technically, we just robbed Yale," Dan commented. "That lecture probably costs like a hundred bucks," he thought much too hard about this causing Blair to laugh.

"Well we were only in there for so long, probably only stole fifteen. Between you and I,... I think they can afford it," she whispered before bringing him in for another kiss- one that he was not embarrassed to take part in. After a moment Blair let her bag drop to the ground as Dan backed her up against the wall. She giggled lightly when a voice and loud shoes caused them to break apart.

"Why if it isn't teacher's pet,"

"Connor!" Blair smiled before approaching closer. "How are you?" she beamed.

"I'm well. What are you doing here?"

"We're...just,...," Blair shrugged.

"It's eight o'clock on a Friday night. You don't really have a life do you?"

"Education is my life," Blair joked.

"I used to do the same thing after I graduated," he confessed. "Its hard to leave it behind," he nodded. "So, what's going on here? you two a thing?" Blair nodded before she could say anything.

"...Yes," she looked over at Dan who shared the same look a cat might if a dog zeroed in on it's territory- all tense and high backed. She was sure the hairs on his neck were standing at attention due to the potential threat of Connor.

"Dan," Connor held his hand out. "Long time no see. How are you?"

"Uh,...good," he gripped his hand harder then he had to.

"Any leads on a a job? have you shown your work to any publishing houses?" Blair answered before Dan had a chance.

"He actually works with me for the time being. Just while he's showing his stuff," she looked back to Dan and gave him a smile that Dan could only decipher as sympathy.

"Oh that's good. That will get you some recognition. And if all else fails, it's not terrible to be working _under_ her right?" he smirked.

"Uh no,..." Dan said casually and smiled the best he could while he wondered if that was an innuendo or not.

"Anyway, I gotta get going. There's this stupid rule about being allowed to leave if the prof is ten minutes late," he winked at Blair. "See you around Smiley,"

Blair linked her hands back with Dan's and then turned to look at him, "Stop it," she deadpanned.

"Stop what?"

"Stop it,"

"I'm not doing anything,"

"You're brooding,"

"I am not," he shook his head.

"Oh for god-sakes...," her eyes blinked and she let go of his hand. "I know you're upset,"

"No, i'm not upset,...I'm not upset that a good looking, well established man, in a great financial and professional situation, would give his left hand to be with you,...and he's left handed!"

"So are you," Blair smirked before kissing his cheek. "Dan,..."

"I'm not upset...If anything i'm proud that someone of his caliber would like to be with you..."

"Jealousy is not becoming,"

"I'm not jealous. He's fifty five. For all I know I could be in that situation at fifty five..."

"Well let's hope not," Blair scoffed at the idea of him teaching once again. "Connor is not interested in me Dan,"

"Yeah..ok..." he said sarcastically. "I'm a guy Blair. I know the look he gives you. He stares at you like you're a piece of meat and he's starving,"

"You're looking for something that doesn't exist..., and in any right, i'm not with him. I'm with you. I love you," she reminded him.

"I know," he nodded as she squeezed his hand.

"What happened? you never used to be like this? all protective and territorial. I don't recall you being like that with Serena," she shrugged. "And let's be honest, there was more to be territorial about. I know the way she dressed for a night out..."

"I don't know...," he thought for a minute. "I guess you make me crazy,"

"Well stop," she said simply. "The last thing I need is crazy."

"No, no,...don't worry about me. It's my issue and my insecurity and it has nothing to do with you. I don't want you to ever think i'm the kind of guy who would try and control you,"

"Good. I don't like being controlled," she kissed him lightly. "Now come," she yanked on his hand. "We have reservations at our restaurant,"

Over the course of dinner they tried food off each-other's plates and sipped on an excellent red wine. "This was a great decision,"

"The restaurant?" Dan asked.

"No, the whole date. We are always trying to plan days based on our differences. It's nice to have a day where we focus on our similarities," she reached for his hand.

"Well,...I'm wearing Marc Jacobs..." he tried to burst her bubble.

"You love Marc Jacobs, stop being a tool," she brought her glass to her lips.

"No really...I think this means next time we go on a 'similarity date' you have to wear plaid," Blair rolled her eyes and went back to her dinner.

"What would it take for you to leave me for Connor?" Dan said out of nowhere.

"Why do you assume i'd leave you for Connor? why do you think you're the only thing standing in the way Connor and I?" she placed her glass back on the table.

"So if I didn't exist and he approached you, you'd turn him down?"

"He's my father's age Dan!" she laughed lightly.

"So, he's got,.. what?...a good 30 years in him tops. You could totally cash in with him,"

"Are you accusing me of being a gold-digger?" she looked shocked.

"No, i'm saying you could have a wonderful thirty years of marital bliss. Being all pretentious and what-not,...and then you'd get to retire with a small fortune," he lifted his glass to his lips with an enticing raise of his eyebrows.

"Ooo, sounds glamourous," she nodded. "But I somehow doubt he'd be a selfless lover. I need that," she smiled impishly at him.

"Yeah, he's quite old. He probably needs Viagra..."

"If that makes you feel better...Sure," she laughed. Dan smiled at her as she took another bite. "What?" she mouthed the best she could with her mouth full.

"Nothing," he smirked. "Just love you," his eyes fell to her lips.

"I love you too," she said back genuinely.

"You all done here?" the server with a pony-tail asked.

"Yes, thank-you," Blair pushed her plate to the edge of the table and Dan finished his glass of wine so he could collect their dishes.

"I thought of something!"

"Shoot,"

"If you ever grow your hair out long again,...I would leave you for Connor."

"Ooo so my hair is what we're sitting on,"

"Please never grow it out again,"

"Really? I was thinking about growing a pony-tail...just a little longer than our server's perhaps," he pointed at his well kept hair.

"I mean it. No muppet hair,"

"Well, Can I make my request for your hair then?," Dan smiled and Blair was confused at what he was going to say. She'd be lying if she didn't worry he was going to ask her to dye it blonde.

"Go on," she waited.

"No more cutting your hair,"

"You like my hair long?" she asked.

"Yeah. I do." he nodded.

"Not including trims?"

"No, you can trim it. Just no more of that..." he brushed his hands on his shoulders to show her the length, "shoulder length,"

"Okay fine," she held out her hand and they shook on their agreement. "Dessert?" she reached for the menu, Dan's hand stopped her.

"Yeah, we're having that at home,"

"Oh," she perked up.

As they entered their dark apartment Blair noticed Nate wasn't home. "Where's..." Blair's hand ran up the wall looking for the switch when Dan spun her around to face him.

"I sent him away for the night," he breathed.

"You're a smart man Dan Humphrey," she threw her arms around his neck. "I have an idea," she kissed his neck tenderly. "I don't want to trample on the lovely thought of ice wine and dark chocolate but I have this thought,..." she whispered in his ear as she backed him into their bedroom.

"We spent the entire day being equals correct?"

"Correct," he was confused but very interested to what she had in mind. Blair pushed him lightly on to the bed. "So I was thinking,..." she hovered over him. "...we could do something that I enjoy..."

"We are supposed to focus on similarities," he reminded her.

"Oh it will," she nodded. "It's for you,...and me,"

"Oh yeah?"

"Take your shirt off and close your eyes,"

Dan did as he was told, "you better not be getting a marker!," he yelled out to her. "Nothing about me using an entire bar off soap and scrubbing off an entire layer of skin says fun!," he rested his head on the pillow.

"Well if you'd just tattoo yourself we wouldn't have that problem," she entered the room. "Keep your eyes closed," she said as she managed to get herself on top of him. When Dan opened his eyes Blair was sitting on top of him with a pair of shiny handcuffs dangling in front of his face. "Hands together please," she pushed his arms above his head.

"Really?" he laughed but couldn't help himself from feeling quite concerned and apprehensive.

"I love being in control," she reminded him as he blew air out of his teeth and cleared his throat. "...and I think you enjoy when i'm in control," she purred in his ear. Dan held his hands out and Blair handcuffed them together. "Just relax,..." she ran her hands down his chest and lifted his arms, resting his hands against the pillow.

"Is this the part where you pull an ice pick from under the bed and stab me repeatedly in the chest?" A giggle escaped her lips and vibrated on his.

"I never thought of that,..." she placed a finger on her chin and contemplated. "I really want you alive for this," she moved her hands down and worked on his belt.

**XOXOXOXOX**

Everyday they learned more about one another. They played, they laughed, they fought about stupid things. Dan would apologize knowing they couldn't keep fighting about something so stupid and Blair would continue to pick a fight until his jaw tightened, then she'd laugh and swoop in for a kiss. One day Nate walked in to find Blair sitting on the floor in silk pajamas, her hair up in loose curls and her hands working diligently at organizing Dan's books, "It's the end of the world..." he hummed. As much as Blair teased Dan for his hair that began to curl around his ears she had no problem pulling the side of his head towards her and kissing his hair. As much as Dan complained about Blair's stuck up UES attitude he always treated her like royalty with less attitude then Nate would have assumed. They found this balance that seemed to work wonderfully for them. Even though it seemed to work well, Nate would always bet that they would only last a couple months, which turned into six months, which turned into two years.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

*The snow began to float down and land on the windshield. We hadn't seen snow this winter yet and it felt the perfect time to make it's first appearance this December. Dan just finished my driving lesson in a secluded parking lot not too far from Dan's grandparent's cottage in long beach. I didn't want to spend our holidays there but he eventually talked me into it. Unbeknownst to me, we needed some alone time. I didn't get this memo until long after I invited Nate and Nina to tag along.* -**Blair**

"What are you doing here?" Dan looked up to see Nate and Nina approaching him as he loaded his and Blair's luggage into the car. It was nearly ten pm and he and Blair were already running late on the plan they set out for themselves.

"We're coming," Nina rolled an enormous Louis Vuitton suitcase behind her. With her long limbs and massive fur coat she truly looked like the like the 101 Dalmatians villain she got her nickname from.

"No,..._No you're not_,..." his voice shook with worry, his eyes locking on Nate who slipped his backpack off and tried to hand it to Dan. "No," he looked at his friend, not taking the bag. Nate shrugged and tossed his backpack like a basketball, it landed in deep in the trunk. "What makes you think you're coming?" he shook his head.

"Blair said we could," Nina pushed the handle of her suitcase down. "Little help?" she asked Dan to put her luggage in the trunk. When Blair came out she went to the passenger seat and slipped in.

"What are you wearing?" Dan asked Nina.

"Mink," she looked at him as if he was the dumbest man alive.

"Of course..." he shut the hatch with a loud thump and joined her in the car.

"So, we're bringing them with us?...since when?" he spoke quietly as Nate and Nina made themselves comfortable in the back seat of Dan's brand new car.

"The cottage can accommodate many," she said with nonchalance.

It wasn't the space Dan was worried about. He was looking forward to the drive alone with Blair. He was looking forward to having the whole place to themselves, he also had something very important in mind for this post-xmas holiday. Nate and Nina being there was going to ruin the plan he had been thinking about for the last two months. Dan looked into the rear view mirror and noticed Nina applying mascara. What for? he wondered. They were going to get to the cottage and probably go straight to bed. Nate was starring blankly out the window waiting for Dan to start driving.

"It's cramped back here," he complained. "Blair, wanna trade with me?" he asked. Blair looked back to see Nina shrugging into her large coat and replied, "Yeah ok,"

"No, no, no, no," Dan shook his head. His plan was literally crumbling before him.

"It's not a big deal," Blair leaned over and kissed his cheek. "His legs are a lot longer than mine," It was times like this when Dan wished old entitled Blair would make an appearance. She was too accommodating to anyone but him today, maybe she really was the old Blair. Nate smiled largely at Dan when he got into the passenger seat. "I'm used to the back seat," Blair commented.

"That's better," Nate got comfortable and stopped Dan and Blair's playlist in favour of the radio. Dan glared at him as he settled on a rock station.

"Let's GO!" Blair yelled from the back seat, getting fed up with all the waiting. Dan sighed loudly and started the car. It wasn't more than twenty minutes of driving before a familiar smell was coming from the back seat.

"Nina! Are you smoking?" Dan asked utterly shocked trying to see her in the rear view mirror.

"You wouldn't let me get out earlier," she excused herself as the car came to a stop.

"Nina, for the love of god," Dan rested his forehead on the steering wheel, clutching it. "Okay, out...get out," he rested his head against the seat and tried to calm his nerves. Maybe he needed the cigarette more than Nina. Nina finished her smoke and got back into the car. Nate was playing angry birds or some variation of an iphone app that entertained him thoroughly, and Blair was sound asleep by ten. She had a long day that started at 6 am.

"Why are you so mad at us? Blair told us we could come," Nate looked over as a tired Dan kept driving with his eyes on the road.

"I just wanted to have a nice vacation alone with my girlfriend but we can't go anywhere without frick and frack..." he said with a sigh.

"Can I be Frick?" Nate asked goosing Dan.

"How you doing back there Waldorf?" Dan called making sure she was still alive.

"Mmmmm," she mumbled in her sleepy state.

When they arrived at the cottage Nina jumped out first so she could light another cigarette and judge the looks of the building they'd be staying in. She's pleasantly surprised that there isn't took much to judge. She should have known that Blair would never agree to stay there if it was falling apart and covered in cob webs. Nate ran to the back of the car and pulled out the bottle of Jack Daniels he had in his backpack. "Party time!," he announced.

"No," Dan says simply with a shake of his head.

"God, you're such an old man tonight," Nate smacks Dan on the back as he opens Blair's door and picks her up. They enter the cottage, Dan explains where the bedrooms are and says goodnight to the tag-alongs. He turns on the light to the bedroom he always uses when they stay with his grandparents. Blair wakes up the second Dan places her on the bed, she runs her hand over his cheek.

"Why are you stressed?" she asked sleepily.

"I'm not,..I'm not," he sunk down into the pillows and grabs for her hand. "I just wanted it to be you and I this weekend," he pushed some strands of hair behind her ear.

"Why?" she asked turning to face him.

"We spend days in and out with Nate and Nina, I think we deserve some alone time,"

"We're alone now" she raised her eyebrows with a smirk.

"C'mon, you know what I mean,"

"I'm sorry for inviting them. Nate just looked so pathetic standing there in the doorway when I told him we were leaving and Nina just broke up with Gabe. It wouldn't kill us to be good friends,"

"Yepp," Dan said with flippancy as he went off to bring the rest of their luggage from the car. He was exhausted when he returned to her. Stripping down to his boxers, he got under the covers. Blair brushed her teeth and joined him a few minutes later.

"What are you writing?" she asked seeing him scribbling in a notebook. "Is that your new outline?"

"Yeah," he didn't look up. "What?" he could feel her eyes on him.

"Can I read it?" she snuck up close, intrigued.

"No," he moved away from her slightly.

"Excuse me?" her shoulders fell.

"I'm not really interested in you reading this part of the story. It's not nearly done,"

"Doesn't matter."

"You said I was a great editor,"

"I never said you weren't a great editor I said it's not ready to be read and i'm not ready for you to pick it apart,"

"Pick it apart?" her eyebrows knitted together.

"I don't want you to read it. Simple as that," he pressed the notebook against his chest.

"Why are you being such a jerk?"

"I'm not. I'm telling you that I really don't want you to read it. Don't read it,"

"Fine. You're lucky i'm too tired anyway. Goodnight!" she popped a kiss on his lips and turned over.

*The next day after a big breakfast Dan cooked for everyone. I suggested that Dan teach me how to drive, more like demanded that he teach me. I figured if high-school drop outs could be limo drivers then I would pick up driving in one short lesson. Soon I realized it was much more complicated. It wasn't until then that I was stunned at how Dan could maneuver his car around Manhattan with relative ease. It took skill, skill that I didn't have and didn't have the patience to learn* **-Blair**

"God this trip has turned out to be a real snooze fest. Should have invited Serena at least then i'd get to watch a great chick fight," Nate laughed playing with his fork in the left over syrup on his plate.

"Yeah that's exactly what we need," Dan rolled his eyes.

"I want to meet her," Nina insisted.

"No you don't," Blair said. "Trust me," Though it would have been a terrible idea, Blair did enjoy the thought of Serena coming face to face with essentially the better version of herself. Nina was tall, leggy, blonde and busty but she had something Serena didn't. Nina was classy in the right setting. Sure she had the mouth of a sailor when she was amongst friends, but Nina had high standards. Nina's expectations and goals exceeded Serena's in every way- same with her IQ. Blair often wished she became friends with Nina long before Serena. But reminded herself that she wouldn't have met Dan had she not been friends with Serena.

"C'mon, it's not like she would pick a fight with me,"

"Oh she might," Nate laughed.

Everyone turned to Blair when she shook Dan's keys loudly in front of his face. "Daniel..." she tried to coerce him into teaching her.

"I don't think our relationship could survive that," he got up to collect the plates, seeing that no one else would initiate the cleaning process. "I thought we were going to go to Coney Island today..."

"It's bloody freezing outside. No thank-you," Nina commented.

"I demand you teach me," Blair followed him to the sink with the forks and butter knives.

"You demand me to do a lot of things,"

"And usually you do them," she smiled. "Please," she pouted.

"Why do you want to learn? there's no need for you to learn," he filled the sink with water and Blair dropped the cutlery in with the plates.

"I let you get a car. The least you can do,..." Blair pulled out a dish cloth and Nina almost had a cow.

"Is she?...she's washing dishes?" Nina pointed Blair drying dishes out to Nate, who shook his head.

"Drying actually," Nate chuckled.

"You let me get a car?" Dan's eyebrows raised quite amused with his persistent girlfriend.

"Dan please!"

"You want some cheese with that whine?" he continued to add dishes to Blair's pile for drying.

"I'm not whining!" she dried the last plate and put it in the cupboard. "I'm asking please. If we have a car I want to be able to drive it too,"

"Why?" Dan asked exasperated.

"Powerful women don't rely on other people to take them places,"

"I think they do..." Dan's eyebrows crinkled.

"Okay! I don't know why. I just want to drive. I want to try it,"

"Fine! just stop taking in that awful, baby voice,"

"I don't talk in a baby voice," she smacked him with the dish towel.

"Yes you do,"

"I most definitely do not!"

When Blair and Dan were nearly out the door Nate yelled for them to bring him some Cheetos in the midst of their argument.

"How much longer do you think?" Nate asked once they were gone.

"How much longer for what?" Nina asked looking up from her book.

"Like what's your bet for how long they'll stay together. I'm surprised it's been over two years now myself,"

"What?" Nina stared at him.

"Oh please. You can't possibly think Dan and Blair are going to get married and have babies," he got up from the dining-room table.

"Babies? NO! hell no. But married yeah. Definitely,"

"You can't be serious? those two?" Nate plopped himself on to the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table.

"Nate you're delusional,"

"All they do is bicker,"

"Bickering is stage 3 foreplay for Dan and Blair,"

"I'm betting that by summer they'll be with other people,"

"Care to make this interesting?" Nina smiled. "I'll bet that they'll be married in the next three,"

"What?" Nate laughed. "Not going to happen. Just wait, there's still the issue of Serena,"

"The issue of Serena?...you mean the girl that Dan wants nothing to do with?"

"She's still slowly chipping at their relationship with all her bat-shit crazy shenanigans,"

"You mean her showing up at Dan's office?...please, you're going to owe me big time..." Nina laughed to herself.

"Well you don't live with them Nina. They fight about her on a regular basis,"

"Doesn't matter," Nina shrugged.

"What makes you so confident?" he asked confused. "Dan already asked her to marry him and she turned him down. I'm a little shocked they survived that,"

"Maybe the fact she has wanted him to ask her for the last three months,"

"That doesn't mean anything. Just because she wants to marry him now doesn't mean he's going to propose,"

"Oh I'm certain," Nina smiled smugly.

"What makes you certain?"

"Oh,...Just the engagement ring Dan has in his jacket..."

**XOXOXOXO**

"Why is it moving!" Blair took her hands off the wheel.

"It's a car and it's in drive..." Dan was highly amused, a smile spreading across his face.

"But i'm not doing anything!"

"That's what cars do," he laughed. "Okay, break..."

"wow, it's really touchy..." she noticed that the car moved sharply as she turned the wheel.

"Hit the break,"

"Why?"

"Because we're going to hit that sign..." he said calmly.

"It's an old, ugly sign anyway,..." she commented.

"Yeah, not worried about the sign so much as i'm worried about my brand new car. Now please hit the break,...Blair break!"

"I don't know where it is," she took her hands off the wheel to take a look at her feet. Dan grabbed the steering wheel and yanked it towards himself so they wouldn't hit the sign.

"Okay, break please..."

"Fine," Blair stomped on the gas and they both lurched forward.

"Or the gas..." Dan said as he grabbed the gear shift and put the car in park, "Get out,"

"It's my first time! go easy on me pal!" she scoffed, "And you think you'd make a good teacher..."

"Seriously, get out,"

"Dan, it's my first time!" she complained, not letting go of the wheel.

"Get out," he walked to the driver's side and slipped in once Blair was out. She stood with her arms crossed as Dan adjusted the seat to his preference. "Come here," he grabbed her hand.

"What?"

"This is how my dad taught me," he pulled on her to sit on to his lap. Blair couldn't help but giggle.

"You sat on your dad's lap when he taught you how to drive?" Blair snorted as he closed the door.

"When I was four...yeah," he laughed.

"Dan!" she felt like an idiot.

"C'mon, it'll be fun," he kissed her cheek.

"Fine..." she sighed grasping the wheel.

"Okay put it in drive," Blair did as she was told and soon they were moving, Blair steering the whole time and even signaling as she made little turns in the parking lot.

"I feel like an idiot," Blair just finished saying as they made their way on to the street. Red and white blinking lights and an unmistakable police siren made Dan pull over. He positioned his arms over Blair so he could get them properly over and not in a ditch. Dan rolled down the window and smiled uncomfortably as the police officer approached.

"What seems to be the problem?," Dan smiled at his cliche line.

"Maybe you could tell me?" he looked over at Blair who just managed to get herself back in the passenger seat.

"We were just playing around,"

"You can't play around on the road,"

"I realize that. I take full responsibility," he put his hand on his chest.

"License and registration...Who's the owner of this car?"

"I am," he handed his papers over.

"What's happening? what is he doing?" Blair asked as the officer went back to his vehicle.

"Probably writing me a ticket for being foolish,"

When the officer came back he explained that he could have given Dan a ticket but he decided not to. "I'll let you go with a warning this time. Two people, two seat-belts, got it?"

"Yes," he nodded. Once the officer walked back to his car Blair squealed in glee.

"YEEEAAHH,...we got off scott free!" Blair looked out the back window at the cop.

"Don't look!" his eyes widened.

"I can't believe we didn't get a ticket!"

"It's not like I was speeding," Dan laughed. "I guess we should go back to frick and frack,"

"Let's not call them that. They seem to like it," just then a clump of snowflakes floated down and melted on the windshield. They both looked up to see many more, just like it, traveling down from the sky.

"I guess we should go back," Dan grabbed his seatbelt.

"Or we could stay here for a little while," Blair moved the arm rest and gave him a smirk.

"What do you have in mind?" he let go of the seatbelt.

"How far do these seats go back?"

"In my new car? Where we have to drive home with Nate and Nina tomorrow?"

"Mhmm..." she climbed back into his lap.

"I don't know..." his words sounded reluctant to give in to Blair's idea but she was usually good at getting what she wanted.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"It took us no time at all to christen the car," Blair pushed a strand of hair out of her face. All the windows were so fogged up, it was impossible to see out of them. Dan rolled down the windows so they could drive home. When they arrived back at the cottage, Nate and Nina were watching 'Mission Impossible'.More like Nate was watching while Nina tried to read her book.

"Where have you two been?" Nate and Nina asked as they burst into the warm cottage, Blair shook the snow out of her hair and Dan stomped his shoes on the step.

"Out," Dan answered simply.

"Where are my Cheetos?"

"I knew we forgot something," Blair said sarcastically. "I'm going to change," she headed to the bedroom.

"Wait, come here," Nina jumped to her feet.

"What?" Blair found it strange that Nina was taking her hand.

"Nothing..." she shrugged and let Blair go back to what she was doing. "Dan..." Nina said quietly as she walked over. "Why didn't you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Ask her? I found the box in your jacket last night..."

"You what?..." he groaned.

"Why didn't you ask her?"

"I..she said no the last time I asked her," he shrugged.

* * *

><p>When he's sleeping, Blair wonders how she could ever love someone so much and if it was possible to ever love him more than she already does. It's not long before she realizes she wants him forever and no other man will do. A man that treats her not only like a queen but like his most valuable treasure. She doesn't just love him for how he makes her feel about herself which is content and strong, she loves who he is. How caring and sweet he is, how fair and just he is. She loves their relationship and how it feels so comfortable but never lacks passion. She knows there is no other man for her after two years of banter, bicker and unparalleled love. No other man will fit the plan, he's set the bar much too high.<p>

Sometimes he rests his head on her chest and she gently caresses his cheek protectively, she feels oddly maternal towards him at times. She wants what's best for him, she wants to protect him from rejection, and she wants him to know he's loved so he'll be strong. This is probably why she convinced Connor to publish one of Dan's novels. Dan doesn't know that it was her doing. He thinks Connor actually just took an interest in him. This is probably why she convinced Connor to publish one of Dan's novels. Dan doesn't know that it was her doing. He thinks Connor actually just took an interest in him. After this Dan decides Connor is no longer an enemy. Blair never wants Dan to know she gave him the push that started his career. Again, she just wants him to be happy with himself. She wants him to find his place and for others to see him the way she does.

He burns his hand on the stove and she doesn't know what to do. She's a mess of "oh my god!" and "I'll call Dorota!", As she tries to figure our how to open the first aid kit, Dan is calmly running his hand under cold water. He promises it's not that bad but it blusters immediately and she looks frightened when he continues cooking dinner. She thinks he needs medical attention. She asks if his hand hurts while they watch a movie on Netflix. He tells her he's fine but she is concerned and again wants him to be comfortable. He gives her an eskimo kiss and promises he's fine. She tells him she loves him and realizes that he's probably the most important part of her life now. The success of her career wouldn't satisfy her completely if she didn't have him.

Dan never rushes her to get ready because he knows if she's not properly styled shell never enjoy herself. Slowly he gives more and more notice and discovers Blair Waldorf prepare time can take anywhere from 30 minutes to two hours. He finds it absurd that she would ever take so long, she's a natural beauty but she only goes makeup free around him. He respects this ritual and adapts. When she's sleeping he wonders what she dreams about. Blair spends her waking moments making sure every second counts. He hopes she doesn't dream about anything- or if she does that it's peaceful and quiet-she deserves quiet. When he's not busy writing he goes into her office and helps out. He writes her criteria for the day on the white board, he picks up lunch for her and runs around the office telling people what they should be doing. He wants her life to be as stress-free as possible. Serena still calls and emails which makes Blair cry. There's nothing he can say to make her stop crying. She's lost her friend and Dan knows that he is partly responsible for their falling out. The only thing he does is hold her tight and tell her he wants nothing to do with Serena. It takes Dan much less time to realize he wants her to be his wife then it takes Blair to realize she wants him to be her husband.

He buys a car and he's thrilled up until Blair tells him to take it back. He refuses and eventually Blair enjoys that Dan can take them places and they don't have to rely on public transportation. When Dan asks Blair to marry him she says no.

He's on one knee holding a little a little box and before he even clicks the box open her face displays a mix of fear and distaste.

"No,..." she looked away. "No...no...no," she ran away. Dan's heart sank in his chest. He knows he's done this twice before but the pain of the rejection is worse this time. He's convinced proposing to Vanessa was the old, life planning Dan. There was a natural progression in his relationship with Vanessa. It seemed like it was time for them to be man and wife. When she rejected him, she dropped the bomb that she was cheating on him. Looking back, he'd admit that his proposal to Serena was something to shock and amaze her. If he was perfectly honest there was a little motive behind his proposal to Serena. Something to do with feeling secure in their relationship and again just trying to amaze her. When Serena rejected him he felt like he didn't even know who she was anymore. And now as he was on one knee before Blair he felt like this was exactly how it was meant to be. The two other rejections were all worth it because now he was truly before a woman he wanted to spend his life with. His partner in crime, his faithful lover and best-friend. He knew this was the perfect time, right up until the moment she declined.

"No?" he asked if he was hearing her correctly. It only took him an entire week to work up the courage. It only took twenty trips to Tiffanys, Bvlgari and Harry Winston to find the perfect ring, and it only took her a fraction of a second to say no.

"Ok,.." Dan slipped the ring box back in his pocket. "We'll uh,...pretend that didn't happen," he wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans and turned back to his library. The awkward feeling was beginning to be too much as he sat at his desk, Dan walked out to the living-room to talk to Blair who was just exiting their bedroom.

"Ask me again!" her hands were in fists.

"You changed your outfit?" he gave her the once over.

"Yes Humphrey!, now shut up and ask me again!"

"...Will you marry me?"

"..."

"You had a whole hour to come up with your response and you say nothing?" he laughed.

"Are you going to get down on one knee?"

"I think the moment passed for that..." he deadpanned.

"Okay, whatever," she shook her head. "Just ask,"

"Will you marry me?" he fished the box out of his pocket clumsily.

"..."

"Um?"

"...I'm still a little shocked okay?"

"Shocked? I have your initials tattooed on my chest. You've got to be kidding me, you must have known it was coming"

"I didn't expect it to happen like this,...I thought we'd be at a dinner or..."

"and then you'd expect it" he nodded.

"OK!,...ask me again" she was getting increasingly frustrated.

"...You're really lucky I want to marry you" he smirked. "Blair..." he lowered down on to one knee.

"I thought the moment passed...," she gestured at him as he crouched down.

"Well, now it definitely has," he stood.

"I wanted a movie moment, I can't lie" her shoulders dropped and her head titled towards the ceiling.

"Okay, let's go into the street and i'll scream it at you and you can run at me and the whole street will see and hear it. Maybe someone will post it on youtube,"

"Dan,.." she sighed at his sarcasm.

"No?"

"No" she shook her head.

"You're difficult,..."

"you're not very romantic" she retorted.

"..." he sucked in a breath and walked into their bedroom and shut the door behind him.

"Dan,..." she instantly felt terrible. Maybe she lost her chance. She did want to marry him. The initial decline was out of complete shock. Never in a million years did she imagine being asked when she surfaced from a relaxing soak in the tub. She wanted to marry him but part of her wanted a story to tell, she didn't want to tell people he asked her when her hair was soaked and she was wearing a fluffy robe and slippers. she didn't want anyone to know she was ready for bed. She wanted a movie moment but she may have just ruined everything by saying no. In this moment she wished she had said yes the first time he asked. Her mind wandered to that little box he was carrying. She still hadn't seen what it contained, she was almost scared. "Dan,.." she rested her head on the bedroom door. Blair didn't know what to do, she heard rustling and some struggle and finally he opened the door. Blair rushed to the sofa so he wouldn't know she was listening through the door. When she looked up she realized he was wearing a tux.

"What are you...?" she was confused but couldn't help being amused. He sat beside her on the couch,

"You can't marry _that guy,_" he looked at her until a smiled appeared on her lips.

"What are you doing?" her head lowered and rested on his.

"I thought you lived in a movie so i'm feeding you some movie lines," Blair smiled before picking up where he left off.

"George?,...I am. Why? Why not?" she smirked seeing how far he could go.

"I thought i'd be for it but,..you just don't seem to match up. You can't do it"

"Then the fault's with me"

Dan smiled and Blair figured he didn't no the next line so she helped him out with a whisper. "_Well, maybe so_..." she hoped he caught on.

"OH!...Well, maybe so, but all the same now, you can't do it." he smirked and Blair giggled proud of his memory.

"No?" she continued.

"No" he smirked.

"Come around about noon tomorrow. I mean today. Snob."

"What do you mean snob?" he got back into character looking every bit appalled by her insult.

"You're the worst kind there is. An _intellectual_ snob. You made up your mind awfully young, it seems to me." she poked him in the chest.

"Well, thirty's about time to make up your mind. And I'm nothing of the sort, not Mr. Connor." Blair smiled so brilliantly Dan almost broke character to kiss those dimples he loved so much.

"The time to make up your mind about people - is never. Yes you are, and a complete one."

"You're quite a girl, aren't you?"

"You think?"

"Yeah, I know." he looked at her lips.

"Thank you, Professor. I don't think I'm exceptional."

"You are though" he rested his forehead on hers and starred into her eyes.

"I know any number like me. You ought to get around more."

"In the upper class. No, no. No thank you." he pulled away playing with her hands.

"You're just a mass of prejudices, aren't you? You're so much thought and so little feeling, Professor."

"Oh I am, am I?"

"Yes you _am_, are you! Your intolerance infuriates me. I should think that of all people, a writer would need tolerance. The fact is, you'll never - you can't be a first-rate writer or a first-rate human being until you've learned to have some small regard for human fra...Aren't the geraniums pretty, Professor? Is it not a handsome day that begins, Professor?" Dan was fairly sure Blair should be an actress in this moment. Starring up at her he was at a loss for words. Blair just encompassed Katharine Hepburn in two sentences and completely left him at a loss for words.

"How do you do that?, how do you remember all that?"

"I love that movie," she smiled lightly.

"I have no idea what to say now,...you're incredible" Blair smiled and held his face in her hands before pressing a gentle kiss on his soft lips.

"Tracey should have ended up with Mike," she brushed the side of his face with adoration.

"She should have," Dan nodded with a soft nuzzle to her nose. Blair leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips, Dan slowly sucked on her bottom lip, she sighed completely content sitting with him right now. Blair pulled away to look at him, she wanted to know what the little box contained.

"I'll take another one of those," Dan leaned back in and she obliged him with another kiss. When he pulled away from her it was only so he could ask a question.

"Blair,...will you marry me _someday?_" he kissed her neck.

"Someday?...sure," she tilted her head to the side and enjoyed the kisses.

It wasn't more than two days when Blair cursed herself for declining his proposal. It was just a waiting game now. She knew he was going to ask her later that week. Only he didn't,...and he didn't ask the week after that or the week after that. But he was going to, she was certain of that.

"You know what would go really well with this dress?" Blair starred at her reflection.

"What?" Nina looked up from her magazine. Blair held out her left hand with a sigh.

"God Blair, just tell him you're ready for it."

"I can't!...I turned him down before after I asked him to ask me again. I have to wait until he feels it's right. Which is going to be extremely hard to tell considering he had three perfect opportunities last week and I waited soo long at dinner and he didn't even mention it"

"I'm telling you...he's going to ask tonight,"

"You think?" Blair clasped her hands together.

"You're going to a publishing event...he's going to want to introduce you to people as his future wife trust me!,"

and after that,

"We're going for dinner...it's kind of random..."

"...he's going to ask you,"

and after that,

"Why else would he take you out for dinner this weekend,"

and after that...

"It's your birthday! it's the perfect time for him to ask you!"

"EARRINGS!" she yelled into the receiver when she found her birthday present.

And this is when she gave up.

"WHOA! calm down..are they pretty?"

"They're beautiful!" she sighed holding the phone between her ear and shoulder as she put one of the earrings in. "They're stunning but they aren't what I wanted. I wanted that little box...I wanted the sapphire..."

"See this is why I can tell Dan didn't come from money..A sapphire?"

"Nina! It doesn't matter. ...It wouldn't be my first choice either but..." she sighed. "I'm not doing this anymore. I'm going to go insane," she took the earrings out and put them back in the box before taking the ladder and placing the little box at the top of her closet where he thought he was hiding them. Then she looked in the mirror and practiced her surprised face for when he gave them to her for her birthday.

* * *

><p>Now they're playing at the cottage's dining-room table. Dan excused himself to make another drink and asked if anyone else needed anything, as he got up, Blair took hold of his head bringing it towards her lips and kissed his temple tenderly.<p>

"Oh you make me sick,..." Nina stuck her tongue out. Blair giggled lightly before grabbing the deck of cards.

"Nate you want to deal?" Blair asked.

"No, he's too busy reading Dan's outline," Nina scoffed.

"Reading Dan's new outline?," Blair asked getting up from the table. "He's letting you read it?"

"He thinks I'll have a good eye,"

"You? he won't let me read it and he thinks you'll have a good eye..., give it to me," she was thoroughly aggravated and insulted.

"Blair, no...he said no. He specifically told me to not let you read it!" he clutched the notebook against his chest.

"Give me the notebook Archibald," she said scathingly.

"Hey Blair?..." Dan called from the kitchen.

"Here! if you're going to read it go outside!" he pushed her out. Nate and Nina looked up to Dan as he watched Blair through the sliding door. Nina gave Nate a high-five as Dan made his way outside.

"Are you reading my notebook?" he shut the door behind him.

Blair's face snapped up with surprise. "I..."

"What did you think?" Dan asked crossing his arms in an effort to keep warm.

"I,...," she swallowed hard. "I didn't read it. You asked me not to read it so I didnt,"

"C'mon Blair..."

"I didn't read it. I was just taking it from Nate so he wouldn't read it," she lied.

"Did you like it?"

"...umm,"

"Blair I know you read it," he put his hands out. "What did you think?"

"Honestly?...I don't think it's very good. I won't pick it apart! I just...it's just the first draft right?" she cringed. "I just...I think you're better than this,"

"I told you not to read it," he walked closer.

"I know. I'm..." suddenly the christmas lights turned on and Blair looked around confused and amazed at how bright and sparkly it suddenly became.

"I want to tell you something,.." Dan walked closer confusing Blair. "Something you've been asking me for years," he took a deep breath.

"Okay," she said barely audible, still completely confused and now a little nervous.

"Blair,..." he didn't have to say anything else, she knew what he was doing. Her eyes darted around and settled on Nate and Nina watching them from inside the warm cottage- her witnesses.

"uh..yeah?" she cleared her throat and gave him her full attention.

"You want to know why I call you Daisy...," Blair's breathing hitched. "You've asked me over a hundred times,..." Blair wiped at her eyes and sniffed as he lowered on to his knee in front of her. Blair's eyes snapped shut hoping she could remember this moment for all of eternity. Savoring every sense, the cold air on her nose, the way Dan was looking up at her with nothing but adoration and a little fear she'd say no. "and I'd really like to tell you,..._at our wedding_," Blair beamed, the sparkling lights reflecting in her large doe-eyes.

Inside the house Nina clutched her chest over her heart as she watched what was going on outside. Nate smiled like a fool, proud of himself for helping.

"So..." he cleared his throat. A somewhat nervous smile on his face, "Blair, will you marry me?" he gently opened the Harry Winston box with a click of it's hinge to show her something she never expected. A hand smacked over Blair's mouth in utter shock.

"_Oh my god_..." she said under her breath. "_What is that?_," her voice barely audible through her emotional state. This was not the dark blue sapphire she expected, it was crystal clear and sparkled like nothing she had seen before under the twinkling Christmas lights, "_Humphrey that's a..._" she stuttered. "That's not a sapphire..."

"Uh,..." he looked down at the box, "Nope," he laughed.

"Yes,...oh my god yes," She went straight for the ring.

"Whoa, whoa whoa..." he laughed, taking it out of the box and sliding it slowly on to her finger.

"This is..." she thought back to her scrapbook and the ring she cut out of a magazine.

"It's close,"

"It's perfect," she noticed minor changes were made but it was even more beautiful this way.

Blair examined the ring on her finger, she was sure she had never been happier in her life.

"Don't want to ruin this moment where you bond with your ring but,...traditionally you kiss your new fiance after getting engaged,"

"My my my are you jealous of the ring?" she she stared up at him with a smile.

"A little,..yeah," he nodded with a soft smile. Blair placed her hands on his face and pulled him in for a kiss, Nate and Nina opened the sliding glass door and clapped for them.

"Get in here you crazy kids, you'll get hypothermia!"

"I'm so happy I got the right ring. This could have been a disaster," Dan turned to Blair.

"Oh stop,..." she rolled her eyes. "I would marry you if you proposed to me with cubic zirconia,"

"Lies!" Dan shouted blasphemy.

"You're right. I wouldn't,...but I'd marry you if you proposed to me with your grandmother's sapphire,"

"You would?" he looked surprised.

"Mhmm, yeah,"

"Well we can take this one back if you'd rather,..."

"Stop your mouth from moving, this is never leaving my hand. Never..."

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

**(12 YEARS LATER)**

Blair stared down at her bare hand, only looking away when the barista placed her coffee on the counter. "Thank-you," she said politely before walking over to the cream and milk station. A familiar face smiled brightly and she cursed herself for choosing this bakery.

"Oh my god, do you follow me?" she continued to stir her cream into her coffee.

"I notice you don't use sugar or sweetener,...is that because you're already sweet enough?"

"Wow, you really are pathetic...," she turned away from him.

"Oh come on!...come over here. Sit with me,"

"Sit with you?..." she blinked. "I would,... but I can't be seen with a man who wears khaki pants and black socks...I mean,...really?" she tilted her head with pity.

"It's sad isn't it? I don't have any fashion sense"

"Seems like you have no sense at all actually..."

"Are you on your lunch break?" he asked.

"I'm taking time off actually and I just needed to come down and meet with a photographer for my book..."

"Your book?" he tried to get her to open up.

"It's a party planning book. Something i've always dreamed about. I'm collecting from all the years and hopefully in a year or two i'll be getting it published"

"Look!...you're talking to me"

"...it's a miracle" she rolled her eyes.

"You have to tell me your name now"

"No I don't,"

"Come on!" he stood from his chair. "I'm Patrick, and you are?" he held his hand out hoping for a shake.

"How do I know you're not a stalker?"

"I'm here every Friday, it has nothing to do with you. I promise,"

"Blair," she sighed deciding it was easier than fighting with him.

"Blair? Really? You're lying"

"Why would you say that?" she lowered her coffee cup.

"If I guessed I would have said Annie..."

"That's interesting. My husband always said that I was a Blair through and through,"

"Mmm the novelist,"

"The writer! He doesn't just write novels," she went back to her coffee.

"Where is hubby?" he took some satisfaction in the fact she was not wearing her wedding band once again.

"Away," she inhaled feeling her eyes prick.

"Why do you keep lying to me?...you are never wearing a ring,"

"If you must know," she took a deep breath. "We are going through a rough patch," she was ashamed but realized it wasn't too hard to say. Patrick wasn't going to judge her.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Patrick said genuinely. Blair felt a weight lift off her shoulders. The only person that knew about her and Dan's problems was Nate. And he wasn't exactly the kind of person she could have a deep conversation with.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," she said honestly. Patrick nodded understanding. "We could talk about something else though," Blair offered and a smile spread across Patrick's face.

"Take a seat," he gestured to the chair across the table.

Blair liked talking to Patrick, he was very interested in the way she saw things. He let her give him fashion advice. Instead of meeting by chance they arranged to meet and slowly she became more comfortable talking about Dan.

"Maybe you just love him so much you can't see what he's really done. He broke your trust,"

"I know what he did but that doesn't change who he is. Sometimes I think I understand him. I've been in situations where I don't know what else to do. He was backed into a corner," she played with the plate of her necklace.

"Don't make excuses for him. It was not a life or death situation. he didn't have to do it,"

"You don't know him like I do,"

"I don't have to. He jeopardized the safety of his family to propel his career..."

"It's not like that. It's not like he purposely meant to do that and it's not like he brought danger into our home,"

"Of course not. but he knew there could be consequences and went ahead and did it anyway. You yourself said Dan is a smart guy. Then why did he make such a stupid decision?"

"You know sometimes I feel like you and Dan are cut from the same cloth. Dan would have said everything you just said if he was sitting in your position right now. He used to say there was no excuse for our friend's father," she took a sip of her coffee "...Our friend,...his dad was a heavy user and his mom put up with it for years until she couldn't keep it together. The facade she put on, took too much out of her,"

"And that's why you continue to stay with Dan?" Patrick looked to Blair's ring that had found it's way back to her hand.

"No it's not the same situation. Nate's dad drained bank accounts and embezzled,"

"And Dan took money from your daughter's trust,"

"It's fine," Blair's jaw clenched. "The money is back," she rolled her eyes.

"That doesn't make it okay in my book,"

"Well it's not your job to judge him," she bit back, feeling offended.

"I'm just giving my opinion. Is your daughter with him right now?"

"Yes,.." her eyes squinted hoping he wasn't trying to insinuate anything.

"Do you think that's a good idea,"

"...Patrick"

"No, answer the question. Do you trust him with her?"

"Of course I do. Please don't just assume things about him. You don't know him. He adores her. She's his sun and moon..."

"All i'm saying is,...do you want her to see him in a certain light?"

"I already told you. He's clean!" her eyes were wide, wondering why he couldn't understand the concept.

"Do you know that for sure?"

"Yes," it came out more unsure than she would have liked. "Yyy...yes,"

"How do you know?"

"I trust him,"

"You trusted him before and he was still using,"

"it's different,"

"How?"

"It just is," she stood collecting her bag. "I have to go. I have a gala to go to and tomorrow is my best-friend's wedding, I have a busy day,"

When Blair arrived home she found Dan's agent, and a few publishers she had never met sitting in her living-room. "Hey, I didn't know you were going to be home so early," Dan introduced her to the room full of people.

"Nice to meet you," Blair shook Andrea's hand last as she went around the room.

"So who did you inspire? Grace?...,"

"Pardon?"

"What book character did you inspire from Dan's collection?...Grace? Joanna?...,"

"Oh no, she's gotta be Serena," Charlotte piped up.

"Actually..." Blair began but Dan cut her off.

"There are elements of Blair in all my female characters,..." Dan explained which received a withering glare from his wife.

" Except Serena..." she said with a biting certainty. Her eyes stared so intensely it was like she was looking through him. "10-08-05 is about Serena Van der Woodsen," Blair let the women know.

"Thee Serena Van der Woodsen?"

"Her," Blair flashed a toothy smile.

"Dan, aren't you full of surprises,"

"Idea!," Doug held his hand out. "We should submit 10-08-05 to Sony..."

"Nooooo," Dan shook his head. "No,"

"Sony? I thought we decided on Alliance..." Charlotte turned to Andrea as Dan tried to convince them 10-08-05 would make a terrible film.

"Why not? everyone would love a true story, especially if it involves a socialite,"

"Former socialite," Dan corrected. "I don't think anyone really follows her anymore anyway," Dan worked hard to get them all on the same page. "we'll just deal with one thing at a time okay?" he chuckled lightly.

"What are we dealing with exactly?" Blair asked for them to enlighten her.

"Uh,..." Dan smiled sheepishly. " There are three companies that want to buy the rights to my book,..."

"Why?..." Blair's eyes scanned around the room.

"Because they want to turn your husband's novel into a film," Doug smiled proudly.

"Oh that's..." she smiled the best she could.

"It's excellent. They even want him to write the screenplay," Charlotte smiled.

"Of course they do," Blair blinked. "Excuse me," she left the room hearing everyone still celebrating and praising Dan.

"Should we go?" Elizabeth asked Dan, seeing as Blair didn't look too thrilled about the unexpected company.

"No, no..she's just..." he trailed off.

"She should be insanely proud of you!" Doug clapped his hand on Dan's back. Jerry nodded in agreement before going back to the twitter feed that continuously brought up comments about Dan's book.

"Nothing but positive stuff Dan,"

The praise was something Dan was not used to. As a modest person he found it all to be a little much. "You've been sitting on the number three spot all week so by Monday,..."

"It's insane. I never expected to get to third place so even if it's short lived...," Dan said modestly as he scratched the back of his head.

"No. By Monday it'll hit number two," Jerry explained.

"What?" Dan suddenly realized this was much bigger than he thought.

"...at least!" Jerry continued.

Before everyone left they patted Dan on the back and told him they'd see him at the gala. He proceeded to find Blair and ask her what he should wear that night.

"Classic black suit?" he asked looking through their closet as Blair flipped through a magazine on the bed.

"Your pin striped suit is in a garment bag," she said softly.

"You want me to wear that one?"

"You can wear whatever one you want Dan," she didn't look up.

"What are you going to wear? if I have a point of reference i might choose more wisely,"

"I don't know,"

"Really? his eyebrows squeezed together. "You know the gala is tonight," he laughed walking over to her. "In like,..." he checked his watch, "Four hours,..." his eyes became wide and he smiled thinking she was being totally unlike herself.

"I'll just pick something later,"

"I thought you went out this morning to buy a dress,"

"I did,"

"Nothing catch your eye?" he sat on the bed and moved her hair over her shoulder.

"No..." she said softly as Dan's lips lowered and pressed a soft, lingering kiss to her bare shoulder. "Hey," he pulled her face up to look at him. "You're not upset about the talk about 10-08-05 are you?...I wrote that when I was sixteen," he smiled. "I promise I will not let them turn that into a movie," he chuckled.

"I'm not mad about that," she looked back down at her magazine.

"Hey, baby look at me," Dan lifted her face once more knowing she was upset about something, "I love you," he said genuinely, his eyes trying to connect with hers.

Blair nodded gently before quickly replying, "I know,"

It wasn't the response he expected.

Blair didn't say much more than two words at the gala as everyone praised Dan's book and congratulated her for her husband's success. Her face hurt from fake smiling and she thought this must be what Anne Archibald went through for years. Dan was pulled in every which direction and she was left alone for most of the night. She wanted to be happy for him and part of her was, but she was left remembering that she was the only person who had to watch him write it. She was the only person that knew how he wrote it. People started dancing later in the night. They played David Grey's "This years love," and Blair watched a few people dance. It was almost her and Dan's wedding song. At this moment she wished they did choose it, because maybe then he'd stop chatting business and ask her to dance with him.

"Dan?" Blair approached him. "We should get Nicky from my mom's," Dan said goodbye to everyone and escorted Blair to the limo waiting for them outside. Blair linked her fingers with Dan's trying to remind herself that she was thinking too much and tomorrow she would feel better.

"Do you have a dress picked out for the wedding?"

"I'm a bridesmaid," she answered.

"What's up with you?" Dan squeezed her hand a little tighter.

"Nothing," she shrugged.

"When you left this morning to get your dress you were excited and bubbly..."

"I'm never bubbly..." she rolled her eyes.

"You were happy this morning and then as soon as you got home it was like someone killed your puppy,"

"Don't use Winston in analogies..." she laughed lightly.

"Is there something you want to tell me?"

"No," she shook her head.

"It's just...I feel you're very distant right now," he turned into her.

"Dan, I don't know what to tell you. I'm just busy with all this wedding stuff for Nina,"

"Nothing is wrong?,"

"No,"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**A/N: **I really hope you guys liked this one. I'm not a huge fan myself. I wanted it to go a different way but there are too many loose ends. The last chapter about their divorce will be next and then i'll focus more on the present. These things just have to happen to move the story in the way I want. Thanks for reading xoxox -FQ any questions, just PM me.


	10. Let's Call The Whole Thing Off

(**A/N**: Chapter has been earned after those terrible episodes. I would have liked to work on it more but these are dire times. ENjOY! and please review)

**XOXOXOXOXOOXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXXOX**

**(LET'S CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF)**

**By:** Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong

**From: **When Harry Met Sally

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOOXXOXOXO XOOXOXOXOXOXOXXO**

**PRESENT**

Blair floated down the staircase and sat herself primly on a dining-room chair. "Good morning," she looked over at her mother and maid while leaning over to smell the arrangement of peonies situated in the middle of the table. She sighed contently pleased with their fragrance.

"You seem unusually calm," Eleanor examined her daughter carefully looking to Dorota to see if she noticed it as well.

"Why wouldn't I be calm? It's an absolutely beautiful fall day," she sighed dreamily then noticed Dorota and smiled brightly. "You look beautiful Dorota," she beamed.

"Blair..." Eleanor cleared her throat. "Are you okay darling?" she lowered her reading glasses.

"Yes,..." she made a face curious as to why her mother would ask such a question. "Doesn't Dorota look lovely mom?"

"You sure you don't take medication?" The maid asked skeptically seeing the same strangeness that Eleanor saw.

"You really should take a compliment," her eyes widened. "It's polite to do so," her eyes snapped back to the table where there was a plate of fruit.

"Mm,..I think i'll have an omelette for breakfast..." Blair leaned over the dining-room table to take a grape from the plate. Just as she popped it into her mouth, Eleanor looked over at her. "Or maybe some bacon..." she tapped her chin.

"I think she take meds," Dorota announced to Eleanor.

"Why on earth would I drug myself? what reason could I possibly have?" Dorota and Eleanor looked at each-other and shared a knowing smile. The elevator popped open and Nina clicked in with three people behind her. Blair wiped her hands on her robe and went to greet them with a huge smile.

"Something is not right,..." Eleanor continued to study Blair.

"It's like she shell of former self," Dorota commented.

"Hello, hello," Blair welcomed the people in with double air kisses, then hugged Nina tightly. "Oo," she played with a strand of Nina's white, blonde hair. "...You look amazing," she complimented her friend. "...not so amazing that you would outshine me,...but amazing none the less," she nodded.

"Thank-you," she squinted, "You look...," she scanned Blair's face with confusion. "Calm...," her eye-brows knitted together full of confusion. Eleanor nearly burst into laugher.

"Doesn't she?"

"It's kind of freaking me out," Nina titled her head to the side examining Blair.

"Would you people stop,..."

"We think she may have taken something...," Eleanor explained.

"You didn't!" Nina warned her that would be a bad idea.

"I didn't take anything! I don't appreciate your assumptions,"

"Blair, darling," Eleanor lowered her reading glasses. "Be honest with us. Did you take anything to settle your nerves?"

"No...no...no," she laughed.

"There something wrong with dress," Dorota blurted out.

"Well unless something happened to it in the last ten minutes...," she snorted. "I just checked it. It's perfect,"

"Well the problem isn't with the dress per se,...I hate to tell you this, Dan accidentally saw it." Eleanor took a stab.

"That's not funny," she relaxed in her chair. Eleanor threw her hands in the air defeated.

"What will you be having for breakfast?" a caterer walked over to Blair.

"Hmm, I would like,..._french toast_," she nodded thinking that was the best decision.

"Bread?..BREAD? okay she fucking took something!," Nina's eyes were bright and appalled.

"NINA!" Eleanor scolded her for swearing.

"She ordered bread!" Nina pointed as if to excuse herself for swearing.

"I know. It's alarming but please watch your language,"

"Would you people leave me alone please?" Blair closed her eyes as the phone began to ring. "Is someone going to get that?" she asked mildly irritated as she lifted her tea cup. Eleanor chatted on the phone while Blair waited for her breakfast still toying with her flowers. When the plate of french toast was placed in front of Blair, Nina's mouth fell agape to the utter shock that she was actually going to eat bread.

"Bread?...today of all days?..." Nina tried to convince her this was not normal behavior.

"Do you know what Dan and I did all day yesterday after rehearsal?"

"Do I want to know?"

"We practiced our kiss,"

"I'm sure he enjoyed that," Nina said sarcastically.

"We tried about twenty different options. I have a spreadsheet,"

"Of course you do,"

"We settled on PG-13 but lingering,"

"Uh..."

"It's not so intense that we'd be disrespectful in church, but it's not so perfunctory that we look as though our marriage is doomed due to lack of passion or chemistry," she spoke quickly.

"I see you've really thought about this,"

"Our goodbye kiss before I left to come here was perfect,"

"Mhmm,..." Nina made a noise. "So you're eating bread you know..." she still couldn't believe it. Blair ignored her friend and looked up to her mother as she walked back into the dining-room.

"Who was on the phone?" she took another bite.

"Laura,"

"And?" Blair wanted more information as he knife made a crunch through the crust of the toast.

"She's getting the boys ready,"

"Getting them ready for what?" Blair's eyes locked on her breakfast, her chewing came to a halt.

".._.for the wedding_..." Eleanor said before closing her eyes.

"Reception..." Blair felt her eyes blink a mile a minute as she dropped her fork. "For the reception right mom?" she turned in her chair and starred.

"No she's under the impression they'll be at the ceremony,"

"What?" she snipped, Eleanor saw Blair's face contort as she desperately tried to keep calm.

"Well,..."

"AHHHHHHHHHRGHHHHHH!" she smacked the hilt of her knife against the table.

"She's back!" Nina smiled at Dorota.

"Why don't you just finish your breakfast okay?" Eleanor tried to calm her.

"WHY DID I ASK FOR BREAD!" she whined shrilly. "I CAN'T EAT BREAD!"

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

**_YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO CELEBRATE THE WEDDING OF_**

**_MISS BLAIR CORNELIA WALDORF_**

**_and_**

**_MR. DANIEL JONAH HUMPHREY_**

**_ON SATURDAY AFTERNOON_**

**_SEPTEMBER THE 25TH _**

**_AT ONE O'CLOCK_**

**_AT SAINT THOMAS CHURCH_**

**_1 West 53rd Street, New York_**

**_Reception to Follow_**

**XOXOXOXOXOOOXXOXOXXOXOXOXO**

It surprisingly only took ten months to plan her wedding. She began the day after Dan proposed. If she was perfectly honest she had been planning the moment he got down on one knee. (The first time). The colour scheme, the dress and the venue all crossed her mind in a flash. What shocked her the most was none of these thoughts were preconceived. The scrapbook she had planned her wedding in years ago didn't have a place. She was starting fresh.

"Oh you're here!" Harold placed his hand on his chest, feeling his heart start to beat at a normal pace. "Cyrus call Rufus and tell him to stop looking, he's here,"

"He's here!" Cyrus looked over with a cheerful grin.

"My you're cutting it close aren't you?" Harold chuckled as Dan and Nate rushed into the room and began throwing off their clothing. They somehow lost track of time. Dan didn't have the easiest of sleeps and Nate had one too many drinks before bed.

"I hope cold feet isn't to blame," Roman laughed lightly, Harold nudged him thinking that might have been rude.

"Oh no. No," Dan assured them. "A small alarm clock issue," he removed his shirt and Harold's eyes zeroed in on the dark mark over his heart that cleared into letters.

"What's that?" he asked quite amused. Dan laid his hand over the tattoo and let out a breath.

"Bruce Willis?" he offered with a sheepish smile knowing he wouldn't buy it.

"How long have you had it?"

"...A year," he offered casually.

"Why am I surprised? Seems like something Blair would do,"

"All my idea actually," he began buttoning up his shirt.

"Dan, I'm supposed to tell you that Laura is bringing the kids to the ceremony...," Nate looked down at his phone and shrugged.

"Uh,..." he blew air through his teeth. "Can we try and do something about that? I fear Blair might strangle Laura..."

**XOXOXOX**

"If a baby cries during our vows I will strangle Laura," Blair's eyes starred straight in front of her as the hairdresser continued curling her hair at the bottom. It was the longest her hair had ever been. If Blair had followed her scrapbook, her wedding hair would have been put up in a bun with a modest, yet elegant white satin headband and possible flower. Today there was no headband, no bun and no flower. Her hair was down and very long. This wasn't the only thing changed from the scrapbook. The wedding colours went from purple to dark grey. The biggest change of all, and probably the variable factor that changed everything, her groom.

Planning the wedding with Dan was easier than she thought it would be. They sat at the dining-room table and brain stormed ideas and ideals. Surprisingly, she was very open minded and easy-going, there was one thing that she was not going to budge on: Peonies and No children at the ceremony.

"Strangle her? that might be a little harsh," Eleanor blinked at Blair's level of anger.

"How is it harsh? I told her I didn't want children at _MY_ wedding. I told her from the very beginning they would_ NOT_ be allowed at the ceremony. Why must she defy me?" her booming voice made the hairdresser a little jumpy so she decided to stop and give Blair a break.

"Jillian are you aware that my wedding is in three hours?" her eyes blinked wildly at the curling iron she set down.

"Yes..." she gulped.

"THEN WHY ARE YOU STOPPING?" she growled.

"Right!" she picked up the curling iron and continued.

"Mother, do something!," Blair said shrilly. "How dare she stomp all over my well laid out plans. The one thing I requested!"

"The one thing?" Nina's eyebrows raised.

"Listen to me, I lost a lot of things when I agreed to let Dan help me plan this wedding. We hired a DJ for the love of god!", she threw her hands in the air. "All I wanted was a ceremony witnessed by mature adults that know the appropriate time to clap, and how to conduct themselves when two people are professing their love and devotion to each-other," she inhaled. "... in front of god!" she added for good measure.

"In front of god!?" Nina was a ball of laughter now, she could have rolled around on the couch.

"You know Dorota is looking like an excellent option for maid of honor right now," she glared.

"Blair relax, you're putting creases in your forehead. Think about the wedding pictures," Eleanor commented.

Blair whimpered and deflated in her chair. When the phone rang and Eleanor sounded relieved. "Maybe you could talk her down," she handed the phone to Blair.

"Don't you want a ring bearer?" Harold asked.

"No," she whined.

"Blair-bear..."

"Daddy, I said no. I'm not changing my mind just to make Laura feel better about her awful decision in bringing them,"

"I'm sure we can arrange something darling. Just calm down,"

"Someone better figure something out because I don't want to hear anything but Dan's words," she snapped.

"Delivery man at door for you," Dorota told Blair. She jumped out of her seat and rushed to the elevator where a man stood holding a bouquet of brightly, coloured gerber daisies. Blair sighed dreamily accepting them and placing them on the dining-room table to read the note.

**_JUST 3 MORE HOURS_**

She held the small note to her chest and closed her eyes.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

Dan watched as Blair's arms wrapped around Chuck's neck. "Hey, hey, hey," he intervened pulling her hands off him.

"Don't touch me Humphrey," she said easily.

"What?" he felt like she punched him in the stomach. Suddenly he noticed their outfits and Blair's hairstyle. "Why are you dressed like..."

"Dexter and Tracey?" Blair laughed. "Oh Humphrey,...Mike and Tracey were cute but the story was always about Tracey and Dexter," Blair linked her hand with Chuck's. Dan felt his mouth go dry.

"Don't look so shocked. Everyone knows that Humphrey..." Chuck laughed.

"No...no...Tracey and Mike have the best chemistry..." Dan defended himself.

"What's that in the face of endgame?" he smirked before looking to Blair and pulling her in for a kiss.

"No...no no no no,...Blair?" Dan's eyes were wide and worrisome. "We always said that Tracey and Mike were unfulfilled and..."

"I'd say Chuck and I are fulfilled,"

"I wanna fill you later," Chuck nuzzled Blair.

Dan woke up to the sound of Blair's laughing in his dream. Sweating bullets, his heart was pounding. Nicky stared at him,

"Are you okay Daddy?" she looked at him a little concerned.

"Yeah,..." he sat up and wiped his forehead. "I forgot we had a sleepover..." he rubbed his head and calmly told himself that it was a dream and to get a grip.

"It made my skin crawl, Nate," Dan looked over to make sure Nicky was out of earshot as he prepared breakfast for them. "It was like,...I'm okay with her dating. But I will kill him...I'll kill him," he rested his hand on the fridge trying to calm himself and forget about the dream that felt so much like reality.

"Who Chuck?"

"I do NOT want him around her,"

"He's not around her," Nate laughed.

"It made me feel ill..."

"Well don't worry about it. It was a dream not a premonition," Nate's words seemed to calm him, he thanked his friend and hung up so he could flip the pancakes.

"What are we going to do today daddy?" Nicky rested her chin in her palm.

"I uh,...have to bring you to mom's,"

"Why?" she asked carefully. "Do you want to get rid of me?"

"No, absolutely not. If it was my choice you wouldn't leave," he smiled. "But it's been a week and I think she really wants to see you," he pressed his lips together.

"What are you going to do when i'm gone?" she asked with big eyes and a little sadness.

"I might try to write," he shrugged.

"Maybe you could go see grandpa or go out with Nate?,"

"All fine suggestions but I think i'm just going to stay in and try and get some work done,"

"Oh..."

"Hey, eat them before they get cold," he pointed with a wink.

"Daddy we still have two movies we didn't watch,"

"That's okay, we can rent them again some other time," he assured her they wouldn't miss out.

"No, I think we should just watch them tonight," she smiled.

"You're going to you mom's tonight,"

After Nicky got ready to be dropped off at Blair's, and after she made over twenty excuses why she should stay, Dan finally delivered her safe and sound. Nicky tried to get Dan to bring her right up to Blair's apartment but he refused and stayed outside the elevator.

"Have fun okay?"

"...ok,"

When he got home he wrote for a little while but his mind wasn't working as well as it had been since he finished his last novel. Doug had been calling him all week telling him the new sales numbers. Everyone had been thrilled with the reviews and feedback, but pressure was setting in to strike while the iron was hot and write another. He thought back to what Claudia had told him. How he's never going to move on if he doesn't leave his apartment or try new things. Quickly he picked up the receiver of his office phone and dialed.

"Hey...uh Claudia, It's Dan. Did you maybe...uh...it's totally up to you but did you maybe want to go out again tonight?"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"Don't you two look relaxed?" Nina walked in to find Blair and Nicky in fluffy white robes, their hair wrapped in bright, white towels.

"We're having a spa day!" Nicky announced showing her aunt, her freshly, french manicured nails.

"I can see that," Nina smiled at her niece's little fluffy slippers.

"What's wrong?" Blair asked, seeing that Nina had the look-book with her.

"I need you to approve all of this,"

Blair looked to her daughter and sighed. "I'll be right back ok?"

"Okay," Nicky skipped to the living-room and put her feet up on the coffee table.

"Are you sure?"

"It's fine...it's good..," Blair shrugged.

"What's up?"

"Nina I haven't seen her in a week. I just want to spend time with her and not think about work right now," she sighed.

"I know you're sick of Cosmo but you could try to pretend you care,"

"It's not about that. I really just want to be with her this weekend. Dan had her all week. I haven't been away from her this long since she was in Paris with my dad,"

"Hey did Vanity Fair call you yet?"

"Not yet. I think this week they'll tell me to come claim my desk," she smiled smugly.

"I can't believe you want to start at the bottom again,"

"Nina, I've done all I can at Cosmo. I want to start fresh. I've always wanted it, you know that," she reminded her.

"You're sure this is good?" Nina held out the book once more.

"Yes, it's fine," she barely looked.

"You're okay with this page?" Nina flipped over to Blair's wedding spread. With a brave inhale, her eyes rested on the glossy paper. A soft smile lifted the corners of her lips as she scanned over the photos and settled on one of their table labels. Every one was named after a film. Their friends sat at the 'Die Hard' table while closest family members sat at 'Breakfast at Tiffany s'. There was a full shot of the ballroom where they had their reception, fifteen round tables all with dark grey table cloths and bright peony filled vase center pieces On the side there was a list of facts about their wedding. Bride wore a Vera Wang original, Groom wore Ralph Lauren from that year's collection, the wedding song was listed, along with the decision to have a three layered cake entirely decorated with french macrons. The brides maids in grey, making the colour scheme completely black, white and grey.

"Yeah, it's fine," Blair cleared her throat.

"Mommy? what's an orgasm?" Nicky was sifting through a Cosmo on the table.

"...uh.." Blair hurried over and snatched it from her.

"You don't know?" Nicky asked with with large, curious eyes then lifted the magazine into the air to show her the article.

"Oh she knows," Nina closed up the look-book.

"Nina!" Blair scolded.

"Is it bad?" Nicky asked trying to keep her towel from unravelling on her head.

"No, it's not bad," Nina laughed.

"NINA!" Blair yelled. "I think it's time you be going now..."

"Okay. Fine!...I'll see you on Monday,"

"Yes you will," she smiled.

"So?" Nicky looked back at her mom hoping for an answer.

"So what?"

"Are you going to tell me?" she kicked her feet.

"I don't think so,"

"Why not?"

"Because you are nine years-old," she poked her on the nose.

"All your magazines talk about them,"

"So?...All these magazines are trash!"

"If it's trash,...how come you work there?" she teased.

"Good question," she smiled. "I'm hoping Vanity Fair will call me this weekend,"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOOX**

**FLASHBACK**

As everyone took their seats, he felt he needed to take a deep breath. He rubbed his hands together before his mother linked arms with him and he escorted her to her seat. She sat down with Rufus and Jenny who gave him knowing smiles of pride before he walked up to the alter to take his place. Now it was warm, the whole Church felt like it climbed a few degrees. He knew his ears were probably bright red and Jenny and his mom were pointing and commenting about them. Dan watched Eleanor, escorted by Roman, and then Nate and Nina who took their spots. Dan felt calmer now with Nate standing just a foot away from him but his stomach was still in knots. Dan scanned the pews for his nephews and thankfully they were nowhere to be found. Not a single child was in that church and Dan was pleased. The music stopped and the silence was deafening, every second felt longer than the last, the anticipation was maddening. Nate patted Dan on the back, they shared a little smile which the photographer captured and that's when the music started up again. Dan's eyes were glued to the double doors waiting for them to open.

"Nervous?" Harold asked Blair in her final minute.

"Not even a little," she smiled excitedly and hugged her dad.

",...ready?"

"I've been ready my whole life daddy,"

"Don't I know it," he chuckled remembering the little girl and her scrapbook.

The doors opened and the entire room looked at Blair wearing most important dress of her life. Dan wasn't sure what he was nervous about, because the second he saw her in her dress he relaxed, his breathing slowed right down. When she got to the steps at the alter Dan walked down shook hands with Harold, then turned his attention to his Daisy. "_You look perfect_," he breathed as he brought her up to his level at the alter. Blair gave her bouquet to Nina with a huge smile, then went back and put both her hands in Dan's, their eyes fixed together. The minister began with some religious things that Blair didn't want. She was very specific in how she wanted the ceremony to run and for whatever reason this minister didn't get the memo. Dan pressed his lips together to keep from laughing. Jenny's eyes widened and she turned to Rufus who cringed a little hoping this wouldn't ruin Blair's day. When they looked at Blair they knew she didn't care anymore. It wouldn't be much longer before they would be married. When he finally told them it was time for their vows Blair went to Nina to get her stack of cue cards. Dan chuckled lightly not expecting anything less from Blair who was always thoroughly prepared for everything.

"Dan Humphrey is insufferable," she looked up and smiled. "That is the first line in the journal I wrote three summers ago..." she bit down on the soft flesh on the inside of her lip so it would stop shaking, looking down at her cue card she read the next line to herself and her eyes became unmistakably glossy. "_That's not true_," her voice hitched in a whisper. "You're..." she paused wondering why she couldn't get through this then repeated herself. "You're a lot of things but you are not insufferable. You're amazingly talented, funny, kind hearted, doting and so loving. I swear you can look into my eyes and see my soul," she looked up and smiled before continuing.

"The most amazing thing about us is that we know each-other at our very worst," she giggled a little with an eye-roll and looked up recalling a time when she despised the man standing in front of her. "You know all the sides of me and seem to love them all. Marilyn Monroe once said, 'The **real** lover is the **man** who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes', and i'd have to agree." she paused. "If someone told me that you were my future five years ago I would laughed in their face," she smiled up at him brilliantly." but right now, I would laugh in anyone's face if they told me you were not my future. You're my best-friend and when I'm with you I feel strong and safe," she flipped to the next card.

"Here goes,...I vow to let you pick the movie we watch at least once a month," a low, collective chuckle came from the pews. "I vow to never cut my hair any higher than my shoulder," she smirked and Dan laughed. "I vow to pick my battles and not get worked up over every little thing. I vow to duke it out and never walk away until a fight is resolved. I vow to never test your limits or push your buttons," she smiled. "especially for my own amusement,... and I vow to love you as much as I can for the rest of my life,"

The minister nodded at Blair and turned to Dan who didn't have any cue cards. His eyes settled on her eyes, his hands lightly caressing her hands.

"I get to marry my best-friend," he nodded. "I never thought i'd ever get to say that," he cleared his throat wondering why he didn't make cue cards. The woman before him did everything the right way and now he felt like he might let her down if he didn't remember his vows or if he left something important out. "I get to marry my fiercely strong, independent, beautiful best-friend which whom is my perfect match," Blair smiled lightly.

"I love an infinite number of things about you. We don't have all day so I made the short list of things I love about you. One, Your drive- you are an absolute power-house of a woman that knows that she wants and goes for it. Two- Your intelligence. You are sharp as a tack and smart as a whip. You inspire me everyday and push me towards greatness. Three- you are so beautiful it's disarming," Blair was enjoying this and smiled hoping he would go on.

"Four, you are hilarious. You make me laugh everyday, mostly unintentionally," he nodded with a laugh. "I'm so entertained by you, I could literally watch you churn butter," Blair's eyebrows knitted together but she let out a laugh. "and five, you taught me how to live my life to the fullest by just being who you are. I have nothing but respect and love and worship in me for you. I'm honored and dumbfounded that you want to spend your life with me," he wished he could kiss her before continuing but that would have been frowned upon, especially by Blair.

"I vow to do what i'm told," everyone laughed lightly. "I vow to never let my hair get too long," Blair smirked. "I vow to be serious with you, and be silly with you. I vow to love you forever and for it to never,... die hard," Blair snorted.

"...but mostly, above everything else,_ I vow to be your friend. I will always be your friend_," his eyes locked on to hers and she took a sharp inhale finding this to be the most touching thing he had said. "Today I want to tell you something that you've been asking me for years," Blair smiled widely and waited patiently for him to continue.

"I know the exact day that I realized you and I were more than friends. It was our last year at Yale and during midterms of second semester it was your birthday and I wanted to get you a present,...I know...," he laughed lightly. "I know you didn't receive a present. And uh I guess that's because I was scared. I umm,..." Dan wished he had cue cards again. "I went to a flower shop and I knew you liked peonies and hydrangeas, yeaaaah they were the most expensive flowers in the entire store," he paused and everyone laughed.

"That was typical. I should have expected that.," he blinked. "I told the florist to make me some kind of arrangement with both when this woman walked out of the store with the most amazing arrangement of these bright, beautiful flowers. They didn't even look real to me. They just had this too good to be true look about them. I asked the florist if they were plastic, I mean... their colour was brilliant, I couldn't take my eyes off of them. They looked so strong and sturdy, just gorgeous,...she laughed at me as if I was the dumbest man alive and said, "They're Gerber Daisies," he pressed his lips together and stared at Blair, "They're always that _perfect,_"

Blair blinked lightly and inhaled waiting for him to finish. "I did not want our relationship to mean more to me than it did to you, I tried my best to push any thought I had about us out of my mind. So I left the store empty handed,"

Nina was a bucket of tears and Nate was confused about what he had just listened to.

"But I guess I took one thing away from it," Blair just wanted to kiss him so badly she looked to the minister hoping he would move them along to the ring part.

Exchanging of the rings was exciting to Blair. She never thought about it before, it seemed simple without much to it but as she pushed the platinum wedding band on his finger she felt a rush. She had a warmth take over her body as she thought about how he'd wear that now for the rest of his life. She stared down at her hand as Dan slipped hers on and paired it with her engagement ring, seeing both their hands together like this was surreal. It happened, it was almost over, they were almost married.

"Dan do you take Blair to be your lawfully wedded wife to have and to hold from this day forward?"

"I do," he didn't take his eyes off her.

"Blair do you take Dan to be your lawfully wedded husband from this day forward?"

"I do," she nodded.

"By the power vested in me in the state of New York, I pronounce you husband and wife,"

"Wow," Blair inhaled.

"You may kiss your bride,"

Forget about practice kisses and what it looked like. Their kiss was solely based on how good it felt. The minister announced them as "Dan Humphrey and Blair Waldorf, husband and wife," Blair linked arms with Dan and they made their way down the aisle as everyone snapped pictures at them.

"Is that the end of the daisy story? did I miss something? is there a punchline?" Nate asked Nina.

"Nate, are you an idiot?" Nina jabbed him with her elbow before linking her arms with him to follow their newly married friends down the aisle and out the door.

"Ow," he rubbed his arm. "I mean for a writer you think he would have been more eloquent,"

"Would you shut up? that was the point you ass,"

"I expected Audrey and possibly Hilary Clinton but Marilyn?...really?" Dan laughed as they made their way down the aisle.

"What's with your daisy speech? it's like you made that up at the top of your head,"

"I should have taken a cue from you and used CUE cards," he smirked. Blair rolled her eyes playfully. "Get it?"

Blair lifted her left hand and looked at her wedding band, "Oh god what have I done?"

"Shaht up," he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, she savored the contact and shut her eyes. When she opened them she looked excited as a smile spread across her face.

"Dddaaannnn," she said in a taunting voice as they made their was outside. "It's picture time!" she clawed at his forearm.

"Oh joy,"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

"I was thinking that during March break you and I could go and visit Granddad and Roman," Blair finished peppering Nicky with kisses as she tucked her in.

"Umm..." Nicky played with her curls. "For how long?"

"About nine days. Or we could do longer if you want? I don't mind you missing a few days of school,"

"No I can't," Nicky said simply.

"Okay so we can leave on the Friday after school and return the next Friday. That will give you ample time to get over the jet lag,"

"No mommy I can't go away for that long,"

"Why not? you loved the month you spent with granddad didn't you?"

"Yes," she nodded. "I just can't leave daddy that long,"

"Oh," Blair blinked and tried to change the subject only her mind wouldn't let her. She took a deep breath and asked Nicky flat out, "Nic,...why do you always want to be with daddy? I'm trying everything to get you to spend time with me and all you want to do is be with him. What do you do with him that's so much better than the things you do with me?"

"Nothing really," Nicky shrugged.

"Do you have more fun with him? do you see more films? or go to more museums? because i'm trying sweetheart but I just don't know what i'm doing wrong,"

"You're not doing anything wrong," she said genuinely concerned about upset she was.

"Well I must be doing something wrong because I feel like i'm losing you. I don't want you to decide you want to stay with him and visit me only on weekends or once a month and then once a year..."

"That's not going to happen," she turned to hug her.

"Just tell me why. I won't be mad," she said softly.

"Um," she pressed her lips together feeling like her answer might be kind of silly.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX **

In the most gentlemanly way possible Dan asked if Claudia wanted to come in after their date. "Unless you would rather go talk somewhere else? we could go to a coffee shop or something if you feel this is too...," he gulped realizing he needed to improve his dating etiquette. "If you feel it's too intimate...not that we would be,.." he scratched the back of his head. "intimate,..." he cringed. "... that's not going to happen it's just I don't know where else we could go right now and...," he sighed as she smiled. "Did you just want to go home instead?"

"It's okay. I'll come in," she laughed lightly. The elevator ride up to the apartment was filled with small talk.

"This is a really nice building,"

"It's ordinary," Dan didn't mask his distaste.

"Ok..." she felt uncomfortable for giving the compliment.

"No, I mean...it's fine. It's just my old apartment was like my dream home and this is just...too small and too...," he bit his lip. "Quiet," he opened the door and let her in.

"It's actually really nice. I'm sorry for complimenting it," she laughed as he took her coat.

"So do you want something? water? or..."

"Do you have any wine?"

"Yeah, yeah I do," he said in shallow voice as he went to the kitchen and pulled out the cheapest bottle he had. Claudia was definitely not worth the Dom 86'.

"I love your paintings," Claudia commented looking around.

"Thanks. My mom actually painted them," he set his wine glass down and walked Claudia through each room turning on the lights and showing her his mother's paintings. She seemed more pleased with every one he presented to her. He opened the door of Nicky's room and she gasped lightly.

"Well this room is definitely my favourite. I like the robin's egg blue,"

"It's Tiffanys," he said quietly.

"I'm sorry?"

"It's not robin's egg blue it's Tiffanys,"

"Oh," she smiled. "Oh now that's great!"her eyes settled on a painting.

"The cupcakes?" Dan laughed looking at a painting Allison completed for Nicky's first birthday.

"No, those are adorable but I was talking about this," her eyes gazed up at the large horizontal canvas above Nicky's headboard. "she's so talented,"

"That one is not my mom's actually," he inhaled. "My wife and I painted it before we were even dating,..." he starred up at it then realized his flub. "Ex wife," he corrected. "If you look close you can see the style changes in the middle. I painted the left and she painted the right,"

"You really came together in the middle,"

"Yeah, we did,"

**Flashback**

Filled with extended family, friends and coworkers, the building that held the reception was full of grandeur in it's architecture alone. The tall ceilings were fixed with enormous chandeliers, and the marble floors and columns seemed to sparkle. Servers walked around with trays of champagne flutes in the area where cocktail hour was in full swing when Dan and Blair walked into the foyer. A swing version of the song 'Diamonds are a girl's best-friend' was playing and everyone clapped. If Blair wasn't so happy she would be pouting that they shouldn't have been seen together until everyone was in the ballroom.

"They're here!," Jenny teased them. "I highly doubt it took two full hours to take pictures alone..." she insinuated that they spent more time than necessary out in the limo.

"Oh good. Eleanor and I were just talking and we were both wondering when we should expect grandchildren,"

"Dad..." Dan's eyes settled on the two empty champagne flutes in front of him.

"It's a legitimate question," Eleanor backed him up.

"Never. There's your answer," Blair rolled her eyes playfully before turning to some guests.

"She doesn't mean that," Eleanor said to Rufus.

"Yes she does," Dan assured her taking a sip from his flute.

When they finally walked into the ballroom, they were announced as husband and wife and Blair wasn't sure she'd ever felt so happy in her life. Her eyes scanned the tables and noticed they were labelled perfectly with her and Dan's favourite movies. Nate and Nina sat at 'Die Hard' naturally. The kissing game was played by having soundtrack songs play over dinner and if anyone knew what movie the song was from they would tell Rufus and he'd get them to kiss for the right answers. Blair didn't want any 'games' but Nate and Rufus insisted, and she couldn't be bothered now. This game seemed to have her kissing Dan quite a bit and she wasn't objecting.

The speeches were plentiful but entertaining nonetheless.

Nina's was touching and sweet. She talked about how she only met Blair a short time before she was with Dan. Nate's was funny but not intentionally.

"Dan, Blair and I are like,...the three musketeers," Blair made a face and Dan laughed unable told hold in his laughter. "When I hangout with them I never feel like the third wheel, they're just my best-friends. To Dan and Blair. I love you guys" he held his glass up. "And I was just wondering if I could come with you on your honeymoon,...think about it" he laughed.

"Fat chance..." Blair said under her breath.

"I have to admit when Dan told me that he was dating Blair Waldorf I was a little confused. Even more confused when he told me that he wanted to marry her, " Jenny's eyebrows raised. "But if you just look at them and see the way they interact with one another you know there's something very special between them. Congratulations big brother," she lifted her champagne glass towards Dan who was holding his out. "And congratulations to my new sister," she smiled at Blair.

"My son wears his heart on his sleeve and i've known about every girl he's crushed on since he was in kindergarten," Rufus slipped his reading glasses on and pulled a piece of paper from his back pocket.

"Oh boy,..." Dan looked concerned while Blair looked amused.

"I have received some hilarious teacher comments over the years you can imagine. His first kiss was with Stephanie Summers when he was four. I think she was his girlfriend for a whole week. This just continued until i'm sure he kissed every girl in his kindergarten class. His favourite free time activity was to play house if he got to be the husband,"

"Oh my god,..." Dan placed his head in his hands as Blair laughed heartily.

"And still, every single one of these girls I knew about. I knew about every single girlfriend before he started dating them. He would come to me and ask for advice or he would mention who he was hung up on,...the only girl he didn't come to me with, was Blair Waldorf," he rested his eyes on Blair. "I'm convinced that is not a coincidence, he didn't tell me about Blair because he was confident and knew exactly what he was doing. I wish you both the very best, congratulations...give me a grandbaby ok?"

"Why did he say that?"

"Because he's had too much to drink and he doesn't take no for an answer,"

Eleanor got up to the podium with Harold and they both beamed brightly at their daughter. "Firstly, we just want to remind you of how proud we are of you," Eleanor blew a kiss at her and Harold starred at her stoically and proud. "When Blair was very young she started this scrapbook..."

"For crying out loud,..." she laid her head on Dans shoulder. Eleanor went through every detail of Blair's old scrapbook and mentioned the one name that should have never been uttered at her daughter's wedding.

"Oh my god. She said it...oh my god," she blinked rapidly. "That's gotta be bad luck,"

"I don't think Chuck Bass doubles as Macbeth,"

"Don't say that!"

"What Macbeth?"

"Dan?"

"Don't say what? Macbeth?," he laughed. "Relax we're not in production," he chuckled. "It rained this morning. All good here,"

"I'm so sorry," Blair apologized.

"Hey, my grandmother hasn't gone up yet i'm imagining a very colourful array of nasty comments about my exes. It's fine,"

Blair was too excited to focus on her dinner. She was talking to all her guests and getting compliments on her dress or how beautiful she looked. After dinner, they danced to Damien Rice, everyone in the room had their eyes fixed on the bride and groom as he led her into the middle of the dance floor. They spent the last minute of the song with their foreheads pressed together.

**_I can't take my eyes off of you, I can't take my mind off of you..._**

Nate forced them to play the shoe game a little later, which took more than a few begs. Finally Blair threw her head back in defeat and agreed to let Nate MC for a little while.

"Can I get everyone's attention?," Nate spoke into the microphone. "I'm Nate Archibald, the best-man," he introduced himself. "I still can't believe that these two are married. I didn't expect it to get to this point. Something crazy is going on in the universe. If you didn't know Dan and Blair back in the day you have no idea..." he shook his head with a laugh. "Cat and dog, oil and water, they are complete opposites and they despised one another in high-school. I'm dedicating this song to the happy couple," he nodded at the DJ.

"IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT,"

Nate gestured to the DJ to cut the track, his point had been made. Everyone seemed to find this entertaining but Blair felt like her classy wedding was turning into a circus. Nate explained the shoe game and Blair reluctantly accepted one of Dan's shoes as she handed him one of hers. Confused about what they were supposed to do, Nate sat them in chairs back to back then explained that they were to answer questions by lifting the corresponding shoe.

"Okay so lets get to the goods," Nate smiled. "Who made the first move?"

Blair raised Dan's shoe immediately getting a giggle from the ladies. Dan followed and lifted his shoe after.

"Who's the better cook?"

Dan lifted his so quickly a roar of laughter came from their guests. Blair lifted Dan's shoe reluctantly thinking she didn't much like this game.

"Who has the wackiest family?"

They both lifted their own shoe.

"Who said 'I love you' first?"

They both thought for a moment and Dan laughed a little knowing Blair might hate him for this. For the first time Dan lifted Blair's shoe. Nina's jaw dropped, not knowing this little detail. Dan waved the platform Louboutin a little.

Who's the first one to makeup during a fight?

Dan lifted his shoe with a laugh, Blair followed behind closely raising his shoe.

"And...Who do you love most in this world?"

Blair extended her shoe into the air which got some laughs. "Hey!" Dan turned around in his chair still holding her shoe in the air.

"I'm just messin' with ya," she leaned in for a kiss.

After this they cut the cake. Blair gave him a warning glance. "Don't," her doe eyes pleaded with him.

"Don't what?" he laughed.

"Dan..." her lips pursed and she looked thoroughly worried he was going to press cake on her perfectly applied make-up.

"I won't,"

"Please don't. Please," she looked so serious Dan couldn't help but laugh.

"I won't,"

"Promise?" she asked looking at everyone watching them. Flashes of light going off with every photo taken.

"I promise. Do you trust me?"

"...I don't know," her eyes shifted.

"Oh just do it already!" Nate called out. Dan picked up a piece of cake as did Blair who still looked apprehensive. Surprisingly, Dan held out the piece of cake so carefully the icing just grazed her lip. She smiled happily as they chewed then leaned in for a sweet kiss. Dan went off to the bar and was talked into doing a couple shots with Dorota, Vanya, Eleanor and Cyrus, on his way back, Rufus stopped him.

"Dan, Serena is outside..."

"...Not my problem," he walked back into the ballroom to find Blair, Nina and a smattering of other women, including Eleanor dancing and serenading 'Girls just want to have fun," to each-other.

"And she didn't want a DJ,..." Dan commented to Jenny who laughed lightly.

"Did Nate tell you Serena is here?"

"I don't see how that's my problem Jen. It's my wedding,"

"Well maybe you should tell Blair..."

"No," he shook his head looking at how happy Blair looked. "Promise me no one will tell her,"

"I promise," she said before joining all the other girls. When the song ended Blair sought Dan out, he was sitting by himself at a table.

"My groom," she rested her hands on his shoulders and leaned over, smiling with adoration.

"You look,...gorgeous"

"You're the first person to tell me that all night," she said sarcastically.

"Doesn't mean it's any less true,"

"You look very dashing Humphrey,"

"Pshhh,..you think you're the first person to tell me that,..please..." he brushed his knuckles over his chest.

"Yes, I do actually..."

"Yeah,..." he looked out on to the floor in front of him. "..._you are_" he smacked his hands on the seat of the chair between his knees making Blair laugh.

"I have a surprise for you..." Blair plopped herself in Dan's lap so his entire lower half was invisible due to the amount of fluffy white dress taking over.

"Oh really?"

"MMhm..."

"Oh I like the sound of that,...think we can leave early?"

"Leave our own wedding?" she looked up at people dancing and still making trips to the bar.

"Doesn't sound right does it?"

"MMmm,..nope"

"What is this surprise? give me a hint?"

"A hint? okay,..." she thought. "It's, black. And tonight,...it's for your eyes only..." she whispered in his ear.

"I like where this is going..."

"Nina saw it..."

"Ok,..."

"It's small,..." she smiled.

"Even better"

"I have no idea how you're going to react but..."

"Oh it can't be bad can it?"

"Umm,...well it all depends..."

"I'll be back in a second" she got up to talk to some guests.

"Go right ahead Mrs. Humphrey..." he said.

"I'm not taking your name!" she yelled back.

"Fine! I don't want you to have it anyway..." he leaned against the table feeling all the shots he did hitting him at once.

"You okay Mister Groom?" Nate walked over.

"You betcha!" his energy came back.

"How much have you had?" Nate laughed at Dan who raised his fingers into a peace sign then added his ring finger, noticing his wedding band he held up his hand and laughed under his breath.

"I'm married,..." he hiccuped.

"Yeah you are"

"To Blair Waldorf..." he inhaled.

"To her," Nate nodded. "Umh, how much have you had?" Dan held out all ten fingers now then laughed.

"Ask Dorota!,..she'll know,"

"Why would she know? she's keeping tabs on you?"

"No," he laughed taking a sip from his wine glass. "We did shots...they were_ fuuuun_..." his words trailed off when Blair plunked herself back in the groom's lap.

"Wanna dance with me?"

"Absolutely,"

For the rest of the night Dan and Blair stayed by eachother's side. They danced they did a shot with their family members, they sat by themselves at a table and Dan once again tried to guess what her surprise was. They stood in the foyer and hugged people and thanked them for coming just before they left. It was nearing two am when Blair leaned over and whispered in his ear.

"You wanna get out of here?" she nuzzled him.

"Don't we still have some guests?"

"Just our immediate family," she smirked.

"Oh they don't count," he shook his head getting up and going to the desert table.

"What's that for?" she asked seeing him cut a large piece of cake.

"Breakfast," Dan said simply.

The elevator ride to their hotel room tested Blair's patience. "You do realize that consummating a marriage is not something you have to do to solidify the union. We are legally married," he laughed still receiving her feverish kisses. "I know it might shock you but we can wait until tomorrow,"

"What's wrong? you don't want me?"

"No, of course I do. I just kind of wanted to keep my clothes on in the elevator. We have a perfectly good room," just then the doors opened and Blair released her grip on him. "Okay so 4502," he looked down at the swipe card in his hand before stuffing it into his pocket. "Wait wait wait," he stopped Blair from walking into the room and scooped her up.

"Ahh," she laughed and kicked her feet. He walked over and plunked her on the bed before going to put up the 'do not disturb' sign and returned to her.

"Hello," he turned back seeing her tangled up in her white dress, staring at him waiting for him to make a move.

"Hi," she smiled impishly. "You wanna come over here?" she patted the bed.

"Yes. Yes I do," he removed his jacket and looked for somewhere he could hang it.

"Leave it! throw it!" Blair couldn't wait any longer. Dan listened to his wife and chucked the jacket to the floor before joining her on the bed.

"This looks uncomfortable," his fingers caressed her back gently, teasing the zipper of her dress.

"It is," she nuzzled him as his hand dragged down her zipper.

"But it looks amazing," he made sure she knew how much he liked it.

"Just take it off," she moaned. When the zipper was completely down Dan noticed her lingerie was bright white, matching her dress.

"I thought you said it was black?" he kissed her shoulder as he continued to help her slip it off. "Not that i'm complaining," he tried to lean in for a kiss when she stopped him.

"Oh it is..." her heavy lashes fell to her hip and Dan's jaw dropped at the sight of black ink on Blair's hip.

"That's...Hhuah...what is that?" he laughed pushing the white lace material away so he could get a better look.

"Well my favourite movie is _Die Hard so,_" she smiled at the D and H.

"That looks like my writing,"

"It is," she smiled. "I brought one of your notebooks,"

Dan was blinking widely. "It's real?"

"See for yourself"

His thumb rubbed her hip and felt over the slightly raised area where she was inked with the letters DH.

"You did not have to do that," his head fell to the side.

"Of course I didn't...I wanted to," she laid a hand on his face.

"It looks awesome," he laughed still running his thumb gently over it.

"I know" she smirked as he leaned back in to kiss her. "It's my little wedding gift to you," she said in between kisses.

"That's all? I wanted a Mercedes..." he teased before pulling her down on top of him.

"I'll let you in on a secret," she brushed her lips over his ear lobe giving him a shiver. "It stands for_ Dan Humphrey_..." he was sure this is the sexiest way she's ever uttered his name before.

"Uho, well that's much better than a Mercedes..." he breathed into her neck as he pulled her leg up over his hip.

**XOXOXO**

**PRESENT**

Nicky shifted slightly on the couch as Blair waited patiently for a response. "umm...I think daddy needs me around more,"

"Why do you think that?"

"I feel like I need to spend time with daddy because he's sad,"

"What?" her voice was full of concern and worry. Nicky shied away now feeling like she shouldn't have said that. "You stay with daddy because you think he's sad?" she felt her chest get tight and her throat close up. _Her_ Dan was sad.

"I don't know...," she looked away.

"Nicky," Blair touched her hand.

"I just,..." she looked back down. "...think he needs me around," she confessed.

"That's very sweet of you. But you don't have to take care of us. Daddy can take care of himself," she pressed a kiss to her forehead. "He's not sad,"

"He's lonely,"

"No," Blair shook her head. "he's not, he's just fine," she stroked her thumb across her baby's forehead until she was having a hard time keeping her eyes open. When Nicky was fast asleep Blair pulled out Nicky's journal that she wrote while in Paris. They were adorable seven year-old memoirs. Dan bought her the journal before she left, he gave it to her at the airport and told her to document the whole month because he didn't want her to miss any details. Blair smiled proudly while turning the page. For a girl of seven she was very intelligent and wrote lengthy entries outlining her days in Paris. She came home and meticulously added photos to the book.

Blair looked at the dates she added to each entry and thought about what she and Dan were doing on some of those days, she thought about the first week where he was wonderful and happy (too happy) she thought about the nights she slept alone while he worked through the night. She thought about the day she came home early from work hoping they could take advantage of Nicky being gone, and celebrate the fact his book was close to being finished. She thought about when she opened the door of his office and quickly shut the door. How he asked if she was there and she reluctantly smiled and opened the door again pretending she didn't see a thing. Not the baggie, not the line, not him leaning over the table. He asked if she wanted to go with him to a meeting at his publishers house. She nodded and told him she would need just a moment to get ready. She remembered how she went to the washroom and applied bright red lipstick as if whatever she saw was a figment of her imagination. She smiled into the mirror, her eyes twinkled. Her heart was racing still, she took a deep breath and smiled again smoothing out her dress, this was not a big deal, she could live with this. She would not be the first wife to turn a blind eye.

"Wow, you look amazing!," he smiled. "Maybe we could be a little late?" he pulled at her hips.

"I don't want to," she crossed her arms in front of her as Dan tried to kiss her neck. "Please, stop...I don't want to,"

"You've said that before but you've given in," he smiled against jaw, still placing kisses. Blair pulled away and walked quickly towards their bedroom.

"Daisy," Dan growled as he snuck up behind her. Blair pulled away quickly, as if her life depended on it. He made the noise he used to make that would unexplainably excite her and she burst into tears. Dan immediately took his hands off her and saw she looked terrified. "Blair?..." he walked closer and she moved herself further down the hall.

"DON'T!" she closed her eyes when she felt him follow her. A look of sheer terror crossed over her face. Dan frowned knowing something was seriously wrong.

"Baby..." his eyebrows knitted together with confusion. "I'm just playing around..." a lump grew in his throat. "like we usually..."

"Stop it," she could see him coming closer in her peripherals. "STOP IT!" she screamed when he didn't stop. Dan froze in spot and held his hands up so she could see his palms.

"Okay," he said softly. His own eyes stung as he could hear her still crying. "I don't know what I did" his eyes were large and confused.

"You're..." she looked at him, her face frightened like he'd never seen it before. "Why are you?..." she felt like she couldn't breathe. "How long have you been..." she gestured to his office and Dan tilted his head to the side knowing she saw him.

"I,..." he had to remind himself to stay where he was and not make any sudden moves. "I just...umm" he said softly. "What do you want me to say?" his tongue poked his cheek.

"How long?"

"... only a few weeks,"

"How much?"

"Not that much," Blair suddenly flashed to the moments when Dan was clearly high over the last week. How he didn't seem to sleep. How he never had an appetite. Sometimes he was ecstatic and sometimes he was irritated and locked himself in his office.

"Why?"

"...god Blair," he sighed. "I'm a failure..."

"Where did you get the money for that?" she cried. "We talk about all major purchases, Now that must have cost a pretty penny..I haven't seen anything change...where are you getting the money?"

"A savings account," he said lowly.

"Which one?," she said with clenched jaw. Dan chewed his lip a little and Blair instantly knew. "I can't believe you..." she sobbed.

"I'm going to put it right back!," he yelled. "I needed to get it from somewhere where you wouldn't notice. It's not like the money was gone forever,"

"Are you really trying to feed me excuses right now? you took money out of our daughter's trust!"

"IT WAS GOING RIGHT BACK!"

"When? when you decide you're done with it?...do you need help?" she asked, tears still falling from her eyes. "Dan, do you need rehab?"

"No. It's not like that at all,"

"What is it like?" she wiped her eyes.

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to say 'goodbye, i'm spending the night at Nate's,"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**Flashback**

In the morning they woke up tangled in the sheets, Blair's leg loosely around Dan's hip.

"I don't feel any different,"

"What do you mean?" he yawned.

"We've stayed at hotels plenty of times this doesn't feel like the day after our wedding," she huffed and sighed before starring up at the ceiling.

"What were you expecting?"

"I don't know...some kind of..."

"Movie moment?" Dan groaned.

"Why do you say it like that?" she pouted, turning to face him.

"Because movie moments don't exist in the real world. There is not a soundtrack to the morning after your wedding,"

Blair looked a little sad so Dan raised up out of bed holding the sheet around his waist. Blair grabbed hold of it so he couldn't make it completely off the bed. "Get!" he snatched it from her playfully.

"When did you get so shy?" she giggled before lying back down.

"Here," he said when he returned.

"Breakfast cake?" she chuckled as he picked up a piece.

"Yeah," he said as he pressed it and smeared it all over her lips and chin.

"AH!" she licked her lips. "Well that was just lovely," she picked up the other piece and Dan closed his eyes as smashed it against his face slowly, making sure it really got mashed in.

"Oh no! it's all over the bed! we'll never get our deposit back," Dan teased bringing her in for a kiss. His tongue licked her chin and she giggled trying to get away from him.

"Mmm, that's good cake," he licked the top of her lips.

"Yeah? come here," she pulled his face close to hers and gave him a little lick.

"So was it everything you hoped?" he smiled smugly still covered in frosting.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**A/N:** I didn't want to put this out yet but...I just needed to get this out. DB make me so sad on the show and I needed this for me. Well the whole show makes me sad so... I hope it was good enough for you. More DB present interaction soon! 3 xoxo -FQ)


	11. You Can't Always Get What You Want

**A/N:** I don't know how this part of the story will be received. I try to mix the humour with darkness as much as possible. It might not be for everyone but this is how I have decided to write it. - FQ

XOXOXOXOX

(**You Can't Always get What you Want**)

By: The Rolling Stones

From: The Big Chill

**Present**

Blair turned her face into the pillow when he pulled away from her so he wouldn't be able to kiss her. She could only pretend he was someone else for so long and when it was all over she was more aware than ever that he was not Dan. It didn't help that he no longer had the beard and she couldn't pretend he was chiseled underneath. Patrick promised he would grow his beard back after she expressed her preference for the facial hair. She opened her night table and threw the box of condoms in, the sight of them felt dirty and wrong. Sadly she always felt depressed after sex with Patrick. She kept waiting for it to change, for her to enjoy it the whole way through and possibly feel content afterwards. But as he pulled out she only ever felt melancholy set in. The box of condoms only made her feel worse, they made her feel oddly dirty but Patrick coming inside her was never an option. She knew she wouldn't get pregnant, she knew Patrick was clean but still, she couldn't allow them to be that close. Before, she thought she might never have sex with him, she surprised herself when their relationship got to this point, but she still couldn't imagine not using protection or even taking him in her mouth. That was just too intimate, and she only ever gave head because she enjoyed it before, she couldn't see anything enjoyable about pleasuring Patrick.

As she laid in bed she brought her knees up and turned on to her side. She heard him enter the washroom and knew he was probably getting ready for bed. She closed her eyes and pretended it was Dan. When he surfaced from the ensuite he walked over to the bed in the pitch dark, she squeezed her eyes shut as tightly as possible and hoped he wouldn't speak. This deniability that it was not Patrick who snuggled up behind her, worked before and it would work again.

"I didn't ask you earlier, did Vanity Fair call you yet?" Blair cringed, upset that he opened his mouth and ruined her fantasy. His voice wasn't deep enough, it wasn't calming enough.

"Uh...no," she tossed a little trying to get comfortable with this figure pressed up behind her. "They have seven spots though and i'm much more qualified then most of the others that interviewed,"

"You'll get it," he rubbed her arm. "Your arms are freezing toots,"

"Toots?"

"What you don't like that?" he laughed lowly as he kissed her shoulder. Blair turned around to face him, if a lamp was on he would see her eyes squint.

"No, I most certainly do not like that," She wondered what was so hard about calling her Blair. The only people that were allowed to give her a nickname was her parents and Dan, and Dan sure as hell would never dream of calling her 'toots'. "It's demeaning Patrick,"

"Demeaning?, whoa. It was just a nickname,"

"I think you should go home,"

After Patrick left, Blair picked up her phone. She wanted to hear Dan's voice knowing it would probably lift her mood. She began to dial his landline when she realized she didn't know what to say to him. She cancelled the call and dialed his cell-phone knowing he would have set it to go straight to voicemail at this time of night.

'Hi, you've reached Dan Humphrey. I'm currently not available at the moment. You can try my landline at 555-5623 or leave me a message and i'll get back to you as soon as I can thank-you,'

For about ten minutes Blair continued to dial and listen to his voice mail recording. For another ten minutes she laid in bed thinking about what she would tell him in the morning when he noticed he had twenty missed calls from her.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

"You look beautiful," Blair approached Nina who sat up at the bar after walking out on her wedding.

"I wish I didn't," Nina answered casually. "Maybe then I wouldn't feel like such cold hearted bitch," she looked into her shallow glass of whiskey.

"You can't make yourself something you're not. If you're not upset, you're not upset," she took a seat beside her and ordered a martini.

"I feel bad for him. But I'm not going to shed any tears over it. I just wish I waited longer and maybe didn't let it get this far,"

"It's understandable,"

"I only want to be married once you know?...I don't want to be like my parents or your parents. It's like they've lived two lives. I don't want that. I don't want life A and Life B. I just want life. And maybe I never want to get married?...no offense..."

"None taken," Blair smiled the best she could.

"But you guys are different. I think part of me thought marrying Drew would give me a relationship like you have,'

"Nina, I don't want you to compare your relationships to mine and Dan's. Nothing is as it seems,"

"You guys are okay?" she lifted her eyes concerned.

"Um,..I think so," she nodded lightly. "I just wouldn't wish for this, it's not something to envy. Not now anyway,"

"There you are," Dan approached Nina and Blair. "Everything okay?" he asked Nina genuinely concerned for her.

"Yes. I'm actually fine. I feel really bad for Drew but i'll talk to him tomorrow,"

Nina and Blair continued talking. Blair changed the topic to work and soon they were laughing like nothing happened. Dan sat beside Blair who barely acknowledged his presence for the next hour. He smiled and tried to jump into their conversation. He broke in and Nina would engage with him from time to time but when it came to Blair he felt like she couldn't see him.

"You wanna go?" Dan asked with his hand resting gently on her shoulder. "You're freezing babe," He could feel goosebumps over her cold skin and removed his jacket placing it around her arms.

"You going to be ok?" Blair asked Nina without answering Dan.

"Of course," she smiled. "I already told you i'm not upset. I'm completely indifferent," she sighed. "God, what was I thinking? I hardly know him,"

"You jump into things," she laughed lightly.

"I'll call you tomorrow?"

"Okay, sounds good,"

"I'll bring the car around," Dan said as he held the door.

"No, it's fine. I'll just walk with you,"

"No, let me get it. You're wearing heels,"

"Dan, it's fine. Let's go," she started walking ahead of him.

"Just stay here. I'll be back in a flash,"

"NO!," a sob caught in her throat. "I can walk!,"

"_I know you can_..." he gulped and trailed off. "I just,..." they walked in silence until they reached Dan's car. He hurried over to the passenger side and opened it for Blair. She stood frozen, her eyes meeting his. Dan's eyes hit the ground before he walked over to the driver's side and got in. Blair followed suit. Dan stared through the windshield, he felt trapped, everything was tense between them and he didn't know where to start. They never had this problem before. Talking was never an issue.

"Are you going to drive?" she cleared her throat. Dan didn't say anything, his eyes pressed together tightly and then his hands went up and covered them. Blair turned away from him and looked out the window. After a few minutes passed Dan removed his hands and started the car. Blair checked her emails on the way home and Dan was left with his thoughts the entire drive. He felt like he was suffocating. When they arrived home, Dan pulled off his seat belt and moved himself to face her. Blair got out the car before he could say anything. As her door slammed shut Dan felt like she closed it on his face.

"I'm sorry," he said as he followed behind her.

"It's not about being sorry anymore Dan,"

"Then what is it about?"

"I know you're sorry. But,...that doesn't change the way I feel right now. It doesn't change the fact you still did it. I thought I knew everything about you. But I don't...I don't at all. The Dan I know would never jeopardize his life for a writing career. He would never do something so..."

"I think we're past the point of lecturing me Blair..."

"You act like it's not a big deal! you act like i'm making it bigger than it is!" she yelled.

"You are!" he yelled back. "You're acting as if I cheated on you,"

"I'd forgive you easier if it was cheating," she turned back towards the door.

"Excuse me?"

"I'd have an easier time accepting if you...,"

"That's bullshit!" he turned her around to face him.

"Your heart's on your sleeve Dan. It's not hard for me to believe you could fall in love with someone and have an affair,"

"I hope you know how offensive that is. I can't believe you just said that to me..."

"I'm not trying to spare your feelings right now. I'm telling you how I feel!"

"You feel like I would cheat on you? and that you would be more accepting to that then me going to rehab? Blair that is so insulting...not just to me,_ but to you_,"

"Serena emailed me everyday for two years!...it wouldn't have been hard for me to believe that you might..."

"What is that supposed to mean? you just drag her name in whenever you think it's necessary? Serena and her_ has-been_ crazy tendencies have nothing to do with me. How can you even say that?. In retrospect you think maybe if you found out I was cheating on you way back then...we'd still be together? jesus christ,...give me a break,"

"What do you want us to do? you think should just sweep it under the rug then?"

"No we should talk about it everyday for the rest of our lives! are you kidding right now?" Blair just starred at him. "Blair we haven't slept in the same bed in a week," his eyes were large and full of worry. "I can't take it back and you aren't exactly making this easy. I'm sorry I don't fit the standard you have for me anymore!,"

"Why are you still here if you're just going to yell?" she cried.

"Because I love you," he swallowed. "I love you and you told me that you would stay and fight with me until we resolved things. You never stay and resolve anything," his voice was shallow. "Im standing here hoping that you will fight with me," he pleaded, his eyes starring into hers.

"I'm tired of fighting," she cried. "I'm so tired of fighting," she wiped her eyes.

"What are we doing? what's the plan?"

"I don't know..." she trailed off.

"We can fight in the morning if you'd rather," he wanted her to stop crying. "...You want me to sleep on the couch again?" he asked politely.

"Or you can stay at Nate's," she inhaled. Dan closed his eyes not anticipating that response. They were not making progress, they didn't even take one step forward.

"Not one part of you wants me here tonight?" he whispered, his eyes soft and hopeful.

"Not one part of me cares where you go tonight," her eyes were void of emotion. With that, Dan nodded and got back into the car.

Dan stayed in a hotel for two nights hoping they could clear some air. Maybe the space would do them some good. He found himself wanting to call her but he never picked up the phone. Nicky was under the impression he was on a business trip, Blair's idea, not Dan's. The two days turned into four and Dan decided it was time to go home and see if they could try again. Blair was busy with work and she didn't bat an eye at his presence.

**FLASHBACK**

**XOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOX**

Dan quickly walked over to Blair's desk and placed her Starbucks cup next to her computer, then unloaded a few files and the look-book on to her desk before she arrived. He sifted through some notes and wrote the most important ones on the white board behind her desk. When he was finished with these tasks he looked up to see some of Blair's employees arriving.

"Take the glasses off Celina," he stuck a few post-it notes in the look-book and rewrote the notes Judy placed on her desk. Blair could never read her hand writing and Dan was good a deciphering it. He looked up when he was done and noticed Celina had booted up her computer but was still wearing the sunglasses.

"Sunglasses please,"

"I'm hungover. No" she lowered her forehead on to the desk.

"Off," he demanded. She pulled them off to reveal huge bags under her eyes that lived up to her hungover claim.

"Yikes...Okay, put them back on. If she asks you about them you better have a good excuse,"

"I'm channeling Anna Wintour today?"

"Sure. You could try that," he said as he walked around making sure everything else was in running order. Blair would be back from her early meeting any minute now.

"Shoes,..." Dan pointed at Lee.

"NO!, they're Louboutins! they match my outfit, they're from this season and I bought them yesterday, there are no scuffs they fit perfectly,...why on earth would I have to take them off?" she looked up at him wide eyed.

"Blair is wearing the _exact...," _he he moved his head theatrically. "same pair..."

"And, they're off" she shoved them in her desk drawer and put on a pair of emergency flats.

"Lint, Blair wants you to write the article she told Beth to write,"

"What?" Beth's jaw dropped.

"Sorry. She thinks his style is going to work better,"

"Well, that's just fantastic!" she said sarcastically.

"That is fantastic," Lint smirked down at his keyboard.

"Nina, almost late as usual..."

"Hump, almost good to see you...as usual,"

"What is your new story on?"

"Like I would tell you!,"

"C'mon, Blair won't tell me about it,"

"I can't tell you about it,"

"It better not have anything to do with testing me again,"

"Oh ha! no this is much more..._noticeable_,"

Blair hurried into the office and examined her employees, she stopped at Lee's desk and glared at her flat shoes with distaste before greeting Dan. "How'd the meeting go?"

"Great," she popped a kiss on his lips. "Thank-you," she accepted her coffee.

"Post-it notes are semi important. Most important is on the white board," he explained. "I'm going to go to the park and try to write something for Connor," he expressed his excitement.

"You sure you don't want to just be my assistant forever?" she bit her lip and raised her eyebrows trying to entice him.

"As fulfilling as it is..." he said sarcastically. "I need something for me,"

"I know," she tilted her face up to kiss him again. When Dan was gone Blair took a moment to let everyone know the office rules were about to change.

"It's come to my attention that we have too many 'guests' hanging around the office. I'm putting an end to that. No friends, no family, no husbands and _DEFINITELY_ no children. If you don't work here...you're not allowed to be here. Got it?"

"Dan is always here!" Michelle stood.

"Michelle, Michelle, Michelle..." Blair sighed before turning her attention to her.

"I told you not to say anything..." Nina said under his breath with an amused grin.

"If your husband was a Yale graduate with exceptional writing skills and a double degree maybe he would benefit this office. Maybe if he came up with brilliant ideas on a regular basis or make some sort of contribution other than distracting you from your work and providing an eyesore with that god awful sweater he was wearing yesterday. Your husband isn't allowed to 'hangout' and distract you from your task,...which is...doing _whatever_ I tell you to do. Any questions?"

The room went silent.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXOXOX OXOXOXOX**

Blair could feel her heart thumping hard and steady in her chest the moment she caught sight of him in her peripherals. Quickly she turned and stared at the white board, she tried her hardest to focus on what she was trying to write. She popped the lid off the marker and held it to the board, it wasn't until he approached her desk that she remembered there was nothing she needed to write. Heart still thumping, his voice made her close her eyes.

"Do you need any help today?" he asked looking through the things on her desk.

"No," she said putting the lid back on the marker. "You can't be in this office Dan," she moved away and headed down the hall.

"Why not?"

"Employees only" she said walking past him. Dan hurried to catch up with her.

"You've got to be kidding!" he laughed running up to her.

"It's policy"

"...Yeah,...you make the policy" he blinked.

"and this office is employees only," she said carefully, annunciating every word.

"Can we talk?"

"In case you haven't noticed...I'm at work" she seethed. "you are not permitted to be here so I suggest you take your box and leave"

Dan pressed his lips together and stared at her. "What?" she asked seeing his sullen look on his face.

"Ok,.." he turned and left the office, he never set foot in her office again.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"What do you mean you don't want it,...you practically through a tantrum when I told you that you were too young for a cellphone"

"I don't want it" she cried, soaking his shoulder.

"Come sit down with me and we'll open it," he guided her towards the love seat.

"Didn't you hear me? I don't want it!" she cried. Her eyes bloodshot- full of confusion.

"Nic,..." Dan inhaled and steadied his own voice knowing he was too upset to say this without his voice cracking. "Everything is going to be fine," he rubbed her back and kissed her hair. "Hey, look at me..." he held her face in his hands. She looked at him for exactly two seconds before her face contorted and her eyes closed. A heavy sob that couldn't be stiffled erupted within her. Dan placed his lips on her forehead and gave her a moment before trying with the phone again. "It's really cool..." he tried with a sniff. "and you know...we can a cover for it. Maybe they make tiffany blue covers hey?" he nudged her while opening the box and pulling out the instructions. "Then it'll match your purse,"

"_Daddy stop_," she said barely audible. Dan ignored her and continued.

"See?" he fumbled with the paper. "Exactly what you've been asking for. A blackberry..." he smiled holding it in his palm.

"'I DON'T WANT IT!" she cried harder pushing his hand away.

"Okay," he nodded lightly. "Okay, I'll just leave it here for you," he placed the box on the coffee table and with great reluctance stood and walked over to the elevator. Passing Blair who's arms were crossed she immediately turned her head when he could see her. She didn't want him to see that she was crying. He pressed the elevator button but knew there was no way she was going to let him leave. It was like business trip when she was four all over again. Only it wasn't cute and sweet tonight. She didn't lure him back in with her giggle and her little voice asking him to stay. It wasn't her standing on his shoes or hiding his laptop for fun. She was heartbroken and he'd never seen this kind of reaction in her before.

"Don't!" she yelled when she heard the elevator. "I want you to stay and set it up!" she cried doing anything to get him to stay with her.

Taking a deep breath Dan walked back over to the box and set up her phone. The rims of Nicky's eyes were red but the water works stopped. Her face was red and blotchy but she was calmer now as Dan called verizon and went through the process to set up a new phone. There was a fifteen minute wait time before it would be ready and Dan snuggled with Nicky, barely saying a word.

"It's been fifteen..., you wanna test it?" he asked. Nicky nodded and texted him with a simple 'hi' to which Dan replied with 'hey'

"Okay so it works" he smiled putting his hands on his knees to stand. "I gotta go," he said gently. Her eyes filled up again.

"Why?" she asked wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

"I just do," it was the only answer he had for her. Nicky wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he squeezed her as tight as possible. Dan wiped his eyes quickly before taking her face in his hands and smiling. "You're acting like i'm never coming back," he laughed. "No one's dying sweets," he kissed her cheek. "Just until I get a new apartment okay?...i'll pick you up from school on Tuesday and we'll go wherever you want for dinner,"

Blair watched her daughter's lip tremble as the elevator doors shut. "Come here," she held her hand out. "Nicky,..." she walked over.

"You let him leave," she shut her eyes and tears spilled over her cheeks.

"Oh baby," she thought back to a time when she hated her mother thinking she had to be the reason her father left. She hated her mother for letting him go until she knew the truth. Nicky was never going to know the truth and Blair feared she might hate her forever. Surprised Blair felt Nicky hold on to her tightly. "It's okay, it's going to be okay," she pulled her closer and pressed kisses to her hair.

Even though Nicky had been asking for this phone for over a year she didn't want anything to do with it. Laying in her bed she looked over as Blair placed the device on her night stand.

"You left it on the coffee table," she pushed her hair back and kissed her forehead. "I know this is scary and I know you're sad..." she trailed off. "But it's going to be fine. I promise," she kissed her cheek. Nicky pulled away and pulled the covers up over her head. "Nicky..." Blair ran her hand over her shoulder. "I love you so much,"

"I know..." she cried full of sniffles. Blair covered her mouth so Nicky wouldn't hear her crying as she left the room.

Nicky woke up in the middle of the night and picked up the cell-phone for the first time. She spent a minute looking at the bright screen in the dark of her bedroom. After a moment she entered the messages and sent Dan 'Hi' she was surprised when her message was received and returned with a 'hey' immediately.

'I love you' -N

'I love you more' -D

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

"Hey, did you call me?...twenty times?" he asked with a light chuckle.

"Oh!...that..." she said causally. "I thought maybe my look-book was over there. Nicky keeps taking it...," she lied.

"You could have called the land-line,"

"Yes...I didn't think of that at the time,"

"Or left a voicemail so I would know why you called...twenty times,"

"Umm, it was late. I..."

"Did Vanity Fair call you yet?"

"No. No, not yet,"

"I know you're going to get it, so I wouldn't be too concerned,"

"No. I'm not concerned,"

"I uh...bought your party planning book,"

"Oh you did?"

"Well it does have some great photos. My favourite subject matter," he laughed thinking about how sixty percent of the photos were of Nicky.

"Oh mine too," she smiled into the phone.

"I think i'm going to frame some of them,"

"Oh no. Don't rip them out of the book. I'll call the photographer and you can look through the outtakes,"

"Yeah? yeah that sounds good," he nodded. "So...how's Patrick?"

"He's great.._.I think_," she cleared her throat. "How's Claudia?"

"Okay I guess," he shrugged.

"I've uh...been meaning to finish your book. I just haven't found the time,"

"No explanations necessary,"

"I heard it's getting rave reviews,"

"Yeah it's doing okay. I'm trying to write something else now. You know, striking while the iron's still hot,"

"That's a good idea," she said. A comfortable silence fell over them.

"How's our baby?" he asked making her close her eyes- loving the sound of his voice.

"She's...," she inhaled. "She's beautiful,"

"I already knew that. Just like her mom,"

"Thankfully," Blair teased with a light laugh.

"Right?" he laughed.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

_There is nothing in the world I love more than being a mom. I've accomplished so much in my life but everything pales in comparison to the pride I have knowing i'm responsible for the existence of a life. For our first Valentines day as a married couple, Dan and I stayed in. We probably should have gone out_. **-Blair.**

"Connor wants to publish my book Blair!,"

"That's great Dan," she tried to smile into the receiver of her phone but her mood wouldn't let her.

"Can you believe it?"

"Yes,...I mean no wow that's amazing," she cleared her throat hoping he wouldn't come to any conclusions. She wanted him to think Connor took interest in him on his own but the truth was, she gave Connor a little push.

"What's wrong?"

"Umm...nothing," she stared at her reflection in the mirror and hated Nina for ever suggesting they trade hair colours.

"I look like a bimbo," she stared at her reflection.

"And I look sexy and sophisticated," Nina checked herself out in the mirror.

"I notice you are wearing your glasses at lot more now..."

"I'm going for the sexy librarian look, is it working?"

"Yeah, if you're trying to be the kind you'd find in a porno," she laughed.

"Blair!" her eyes widened.

"I can't do this,"

"Of course you can!. You look hot!,"

"I look like a Californian,"

"What's wrong with that?" Nina shrugged still starring at her new chocolate brown locks.

"I hate it. I look awful,"

"No you look adorable. And dare I say younger,"

"I look like a high-schooler,"

"Oh whatever. Dan is going to LOVE it," Nina smiled brightly.

_Truthfully I was terrified Dan would love me as a blonde. I wanted Nina to write this article. I wanted to take notes on how different I felt as an ashy, white blonde opposed to a dark, warm brunette but I was not excited about going home and showing my husband_. **-Blair**

"Don't say anything just let me explain," Blair said the second he laid eyes on her new hair colour.

"Ok,..." his lips pursed together.

"Don't say anything..."

"No, it looks...," he cleared his throat. "It's not staying like this right?"

Blair took a sigh of relief that he didn't like it.

"I know it's awful!," she pouted and threw her arms around his neck, in desperate need of a hug.

"It's not awful...it's..." he ran his hand up and down her back. "It's not terrible," he tried to make himself like it. She looked great, it would be difficult to ever make Blair look bad but this was just not the way he was used to her. This was a drastic change and he didn't like it. He pulled away from her to get a better look. "Wow, you look like a different person,"

"I know I should have never done it. I stripped the shit out of my perfectly healthy hair,"

"Well when the article is done i'm sure you'll be able to dye it back," he pushed a strand behind her ear. "You look beautiful. It's just hard to get used to,"

"It's only going to last a week. Nina and I have a girl's weekend planned where we intend on putting this to the test. We're going to see if we're treated differently and also if blondes have more fun..." she sighed, "which can't be true because I've wanted to cry since the moment it was dyed,"

"Aww," he leaned in and kissed her. "It's only temporary," he reminded her.

"It might never get it's natural luster back..." she pouted.

_I only truly realized how different I looked with blonde hair when Nate accused Dan of cheating on me. It was nice to know that Nate had my back and would come straight to me if he ever thought Dan was being unfaithful. It was hilarious when I received the phone call. He told me that Dan was walking in the park hand-in-hand with a blonde. He was disgusted as he explained that he even kissed her like it was no big deal in the park where anyone could see. I was highly amused by this and let him believe it for a good three days until he came home and noticed that I was the one with blonde hair, but not before he yelled, "YOU BRING HER HERE?" to Dan. Unfortunately Nate still lived with us at this point. I don't even have an excuse for this. Nate lived with us after we were married. I'm not proud of it, but neither of us had the guts to tell him he needed to leave._ - Blair

With every thrust her new blond hair bounced and hit her back, Dan continued closing his eyes and trying to focus on her whimpers of pleasure. He couldn't help knowing that the woman he was sliding into didn't resemble his wife. Nothing about the back of her head was even remotely close to what he was used to.

"I can't do this,...I feel like i'm cheating on you," he lifted a hand off her waist and scrubbed over his face.

"No no...it feels so good...Dan!" she complained. "Just...what if I talk to you?..NO!" she yelled as he pulled from her and forced her to face him.

"Just look at me," he put his hand on her face and leaned in to kiss her gently.

"Well i'm never going to come now, I hope you're happy,"

"Can you like wear a hat?"

"A hat?" she blinked.

"Or a scarf or something,"

"You want me to wear a scarf on my head?"

"Blair..."

"What?" she laughed. "Who cares if you feel like you're cheating on me," she ran her hands down his bare torso. "Enjoy it. Call me,...Katherine,..." she smiled impishly.

"Mmm no," he shook his head.

"You are absolutely no fun at all,"

"Hey!"

"_Vanilla Vanilla Vanilla_..." she teased before nibbling on his earlobe. "You were really good in my head but the truth is,... you're just vanilla..." she taunted him.

"I'm not," he shook his head.

"Then prove it to me," she pushed him back on to the bed and went straight for her object of affection.

"I can't," he pulled away.

"DANIEL!"

**XOXOXOX**

_I convinced Nina to let me dye my hair back the second we got home from our experiment. I didn't feel any sexier as a blonde but I definitely got more looks from the opposite sex. Though arguably a much different type of gentleman was interested with me. After turning down countless drinks we tried having a girl's night and seeing if that would make me realize blondes had more fun. They don't. I was miserable the entire weekend. It was Valentines day when I got home with my freshly dyed brown hair. Dan was still at work so I lit all the candles we owned and told Nate to get lost_ -Blair

He found Blair sitting on the window bench staring down at the city. Her hair back to it's original colour took his breath away. Blair smiled at the window when she felt him slowly pursue her. "Well, look at that,..." he rested his hands on her bare arms and traced them all the way down to her bottom that was barely covered by the tiny neglige she was wearing.

"mmm," Blair moaned as his lips found her neck.

"Well, I missed you," he said impishly when he broke from a light suck on her neck.

"Don't tease me," she requested. Dan's hand slipped into her shirt as he sucked on her earlobe.

"Don't tease me!" she turned around with fire in her eyes before lunging at him and putting her mouth forcefully on his. Dan's tongue slipped into her mouth with ease and she moaned out in ecstasy.

"I want you so bad," Dan hooked her leg around his waist harshly.

"Fuck me," she pleaded throwing her head back.

"What did you say?" he fully knew what she said as he removed her panties and threw them across the room.

"_Fuck me_," she purred, he smiled.

"Say it again," his forehead pressed against hers.

"_Dan_," he loved when she said his name with adoration. ".._.fuck me_," she pouted. He didn't ask her to say it again, his mouth crushed against hers, once again seeking contact from her tongue. His hand fisted at her beautiful, brown hair gently bringing her closer to him. This was not going to be graceful, this was rough and raw and exactly what they wanted.

Dan grabbed a hold of his jeans at one side and harshly pulled them down. Blair was buzzing with anticipation, the sight of him hard and ready made her throb. She yelped as he picked her up with ease and positioned her exactly where she needed to be. An incoherent mumble escaped her lips as he pushed her completely on to him. She was filled to the hilt and moaned out, licking her lips as he hands explored his muscular back. "Mmmmm," she met Dan's thrusts with her own. It was slippery and hot and they were so focused on each-other they didn't even care that they were having sex on the window bench with the drapes drawn. Dan dragged his damp forehead along her shoulder blade as he made marks on her chest with her mouth. Blair continued meeting the thrusts and finding pleasure mounting with every building second. His mouth sought out a nipple through the thin, see-through material of her neglige. She cried out in pleasure but Dan didn't find it good enough. He pulled the material down so he could take her nipple into his mouth without a barrier. She screamed as heavy, liquid waves of pleasure coursed through her body, she tensed up and held Dan close, her hands pushing into the back of his neck. He lowered his hand to where they were connected to intensify her orgasm, she grabbed hold of his hand making sure he wouldn't stop giving attention to her clit, she knew she was so close to coming again and if he stopped even for a second she would lose it. Dan picked up the pace and lowered his mouth again to flick her nipple with his tongue, she let out a scream that lost it's sound half way through as she shattered and collapsed against him. Dan gave her a few seconds to come down from her high then carried her to the bedroom still attached. "You're turn," Blair crushed her mouth against his as he laid down. Blair rode him in slow and deeply. His hands kneaded her hips and thighs and occasionally gave some attention to her perky breasts. She started to go faster which caused the headboard to smack against the wall, Dan laughed seeing that she was determined and enjoyed herself, it was if she was trying to make as much noise as possible. "Uhh," Dan grabbed hold of Blair's hips and pushed her tightly against him as he came. Blair draped herself over Dan, her head lying on his chest listening to his heart thump loudly against his chest.

"I don't want to move," she breathed in and out.

"Then don't," he smiled running his hand through her hair affectionately. They were sticky and sweaty and still she would rather fall asleep like this then get off him.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

Blair sat at her desk and scribbled some math on a post-it-note. She mouthed out numbers as she tried to figure something out. She dropped her pen and started counting on her fingers. It wasn't satisfying, she tried again but got the same result. After a moment of denial she looked over at Nina who was clicking away at her laptop.

"Nina..." Blair massaged her temples. Nina closed her laptop immediately and turned to Blair. "What were you doing just then?"

"...I got everything done!" she defended. "I was shopping..." she confessed.

"Whatever," she she pressed her lips together. "I'm going to tell you something and you have to promise you won't react ridiculously,"

"Okay,"

"I mean it, no yelling at me. No yelling of any kind. Just sit in the chair and be quiet,"

"Ok..., you're freaking me out,"

"I need you to do something for me. I need you to go to the drugstore,..." Nina's jaw dropped immediately.

"...I'm having flashbacks to high-school right now. Well I mean I guess it's not as bad, you're married which is not like high-school at all but...fuck that,"

"Do I look happy?"

"No, you do not look happy,"

"What happened?"

"I forgot to bring my pills when we went on our girl's weekend, but I took two the day we got home so I should be fine right?"

"Well,..." Blair gave her a look. "Sure...sure. You should be fine,"

"How late are you exactly?" Nina asked carefully as Blair tried to pretend she wasn't on the verge of tears.

"uhm," she cleared her throat and a tear spilled on to her cheek. She wiped it quickly still pretending she was fine. "Like,..." she swallowed hard. "_six,...sixteen days_,..." she squeaked.

"Oh Blair," Nina tried to hug her.

"Nina, get me a test please,"

When Nina arrived back at the office Blair yanked the bag out of her hands and peered in to see exactly what she asked for. "If you are...you know..." she looked around trying to be discrete. "You're not going to consider having it are you?"

"No. No not at all,"

A beat passed between them. "So are you going to take it..."

"No!" she answered. "I have to go home. I have to take it at home,"

"Is Dan going to be mad?" Nina asked. Blair blinked a little and attempted a smile.

( **A/N:** Needed to put out a quick chapter. Hopefully i'll keep updating this quickly from now on. I don't want to be writing this after GG is over so i'm trying my best to string this all together. I hope you liked it! if you didn't tell me why! Next chapter might be a little shocking...**- XOXOX FQ**


	12. Uninvited

**A/N: **I was going to wait to post this chapter but I decided to just throw it out there. I'm getting impatient and the show is almost over and i'm worried that i'll be writing this for months after the show is over and I do NOT want that. I want to wipe my hands clean of it once it's over. So i'll let you in on some info in this chapter but I still have a few things secret. I'll try and get them out soon though. I'm not a fan of this chapter but what can I do? I'm losing my mojo. This is mostly from Blair's POV and it will probably continue like that in future chapters. I hope you like it :) Please give me feedback

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

(**Uninvited**)

By: Alanis Morissette

From: City of Angels

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXOXOX**

*My step-brother has five children. In a loving but exhausting way my mom likes to refer to his family as 'The Circus'. I'm not sure if Aaron and his girlfriend Laura, used birth-control. I can't remember a time when she wasn't pregnant or holding a newborn. I always knew I didn't want to have children but Aaron's family made it all the more clear for me. Early on in my relationship with my husband I discovered he felt the same way. Even when we were just dating, birth control was a very serious topic. We were proactive and didn't ever want to face an unplanned pregnancy. Of course we both loved Aaron's kids, but it was nice to go home where it was quiet. We get our time to be silly and play around with them, then we'd get to give them back to their parents and run off as fast as we could knowing we never wanted to be doing that full time. We'd get to hold precious brand new babies and when even the slightest of cries began, they could be given back to the people that brought them into the world. We did_ NOT_ want children. Dan's fatherly instincts and long to be a present figure in a child's life was established with my nephews and my uterus never cried out to be filled. Dan and I were thoroughly satisfied being childless.*** - Blair**

**XOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

*It was the last day of February, blistering cold and depressingly dark for 4 pm, when I came home with a little box from the drugstore.* **-Blair**

"What are you doing home so early?," Dan commented casually wondering why she decided to leave work before usual. Blair answered him by holding up the first response box and shrugging off her coat.

"_why?..." _as he spun in his computer chair which creaked. "no,...no..." he shook his head refusing to believe this. Blair starred at him blankly before ripping the cardboard box open and pulling out the instructions. "Blair,...seriously..." he rested both hands on top of his forehead and looked to the ceiling with an audible groan.

"I'm late," she power walked to the bathroom.

"You've been late before. I'm sure you're not..." he tried to convince himself with a shrug.

"Not for sixteen days," she called through the bathroom door.

"Umm...why didn't you tell me that?" she could see his jaw tighten. "That might be something you should tell me," he scratched his chin.

"What would that have done!" she yelled.

"Plan B? anything? Jesus Christ.."

"Only works within 72 hours genius!" she could have smacked him upside the head. "It's not an abortion pill Dan!"

"I'm sorry i'm not well versed in the plan b method..."

"What is that supposed to mean?" she clenched her teeth.

"You've had more scares than me,"

"Oh okay,...so this is my fault...Okay..."

"I don't understand how hard it is to take a pill," he said under his breath.

"Yeah, go ahead! keep blaming me!"

"Well it's not my fault!" he yelled at her through the door.

*Dan was so frustrated. I couldn't say I was any different.I just had to take this test so we would know what to do next. Waiting for the test was agonizing. In the four minutes we had to wait, Dan and I had both cooled down. His back slid down the wall to join me on the floor at the very back of the hallway. We talked about our options. Terminating a pregnancy with a less than an excuse seemed so harsh. We were married, committed, we had money and a place to live. Our careers were established enough for our young age and we had the most amazing families. 'Nipping it in the bud' felt wrong no matter how we tried to excuse it. The words out of my mouth just before Dan picked up the test to check were,...and i'll never forget them, _"I never want to be a mother"_ Dan quickly looked down at the test, then up at me. Always putting me at ease he said "you don't have to be" and he grabbed my hand, for a brief second I felt relief. "If you don't want to be, you don't have to be" and there it was. The truth in the form of a little plus sign; a decision I should have never had to make.

"That can't...it can't be right," she pressed her lips together. "I'll have to take another. I don't have any symptoms at all so it's just wrong...it's wrong," she gulped.

If I could take back any sentence from my life it would be that I didn't want to be a mother. At the time it was true, but thinking back, they're the most painful words I ever uttered; the most regretted.

"I don't think...they can get false positives Dais..." Dan inhaled.

"I can't...," I burst into tears. "I can't" my head shook back and fourth until Dan hugged me tightly.

"You don't have to," he ran his hand over the back of my head.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

Patrick pulled Blair's hips towards him, she smiled lightly seeing that his beard was filling in nicely. He eyed her up at down and took a hold of the bottom hem of her neglige.

"Don't you like it?" she asked about the silky material.

"I'd like it better if it was on the floor," he chuckled. Blair released the hem from his hands and walked over to the bed.

"Seriously, i'm over the lingerie. I know you put a lot of effort into it but i'm not exactly the man to appreciate it. At least not more than I am willing to appreciate you in nothing," he followed her over to the bed and took a seat. Blair moved in closer and straddled him before he made his attempt to remove her nightie once more.

"No, just leave it," she pressed on her abdomen.

"Blair, c'mon," he whispered in her ear.

"Here," she puled the straps down to expose her breasts hoping that would be enough.

"What are you so shy about?" he ran his hands up her sides wondering why she insisted on being covered. "You have an amazing body. I don't want you to be ashamed of anything,"

"Maybe we could just close the curtains?" she cleared her throat.

"Are you kidding? it's already so dark in here," he laughed lightly as he quickly lifted the silk to expose her hip. Blair pulled away but not before he saw it. "Well, you did say you had a tattoo..." he smiled. "Listen, we've all done things we're not proud of," he kissed her. "I think it's really well done actually," Blair took a sigh of relief and pushed again at the material so it didn't expose her midsection. "Let's take this off now,"

"I really would rather keep it on," she said quietly.

"What are you hiding from me?" he slipped the material further up before Blair had a chance to stop him. "Oh..." he said softly. Blair jolted away from him and stood. "Blair..." he said sympathetically when he saw her source of vulnerability.

"I said I wanted to keep it on," she bit her lip and pulled her straps back up then tried to find her tights so she could get dressed.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about," he shook his head. "Really. You have a daughter!" he smiled. "That's a battle wound!" a smile spread across his face.

Blair closed her eyes and tried to remember Patrick was just trying to make her feel better. "Umm,..." she swallowed sitting herself at the edge of the bed.

"Blair,..." he crawled up behind her and kissed her shoulder. "It's barely noticeable, honestly," he ran his hand over her arm in a calm, gentle way. "You're not the only woman in the world with a c-section scar. Why are you so ashamed of it? Did Dan make you cover it?"

Blair turned and looked at him. "No!," she rolled her eyes. "I really wish you'd stop assuming the worst out of him" she cleared her throat.

"Well you were married for years and you're still ashamed of the scar? there's something wrong there,"

"Patrick, you're a Wall street analyst," she said scathingly. "You analyze numbers, not my husband,"

"He is your ex Blair," he shook his head frustrated that she seemed to keep forgetting this. "You are clearly very damaged by your relationship with Dan, You should seek help," he stood.

"Pardon me?" she snapped.

"You won't take your clothes off because of a tiny scar. Well, it's not hard to figure out who made you hate it..."

"I did," she said with a gulp. "I hate it. And I always will...and nothing you or Dan say will change that,"

"Blair,...come sit here and we'll talk about why you don't like it," he patted the bed.

"Drop it,"

"No, let's talk,"

"This is why I didn't want you to see it in the first place! I don't want to talk about it!"

"Okay, okay..." he held his palms up.

"Umm,...I'm just going to go. I have some work to do anyway," Blair picked up her clothes.

**XOXOXOXOX****OXO**

It was nearing nine and Dan was waiting for Nicky to go to bed so he could meet up with Claudia. He didn't want to keep it from her but after the issues with dating Amanda he felt it was better to leave her out of this part of his life.

"Uhhh,...," Dan thought for a minute lounging on a recliner in his living-room. "How bout,...Sultans of Swing?" Dan asked casually.

"Dire Straights," Nicky answered quickly.

"Rock of Ages?"

"That's Def Leopard,"

Dan laughed, oddly proud of her talent for remembering old rock songs her grandfather introduced her to.

"Whatever, she only knows them because of guitar hero!" Nate shrugged.

"Nuh uh!" Nicky scoffed.

"Let me try!," Nate pulled out his phone and looked to the playlist to find some songs. "Oh here's a good one. 'Here I go again on my own'," he smiled smugly as Nicky stared at the ceiling.

"Umm,.." she snapped her fingers. "Whitesnake!"

"Kashmir?"

"Led Zepplin,"

"Enter Sandman?"

"Too easy. Metallica,"

"Hold the line?"

"Toto,"

"Nate, these are way too easy. You need to go more obscure, less popular or try a different decade," Dan explained that Nicky was too good at her music knowledge to be stumped.

"Like what? 90s?," he turned to Nicky. "... 'Love in an Elevator?' "

"That's actually 1989," Nicky informed him then smiled before answering, "...Aerosmith,"

"You gotta be kidding. We should take her to a circus," he pointed at his niece before trying harder to stump her.

"TNT,"

"ACDC,"

"Sweet Child of Mine?,"

"Psht!" Dan laughed.

"Guns and Roses," Nicky smiled widely. "Nate, my grandfather is Rufus Humphrey," she smirked.

"It's official. She knows everything," he threw his hands up in the air in defeat.

Dan chuckled to himself.

"Not everything!"

"No health class questions you," Nate pointed at her.

"but..."

"no!" Nate shook his head.

"I'm not sure if it's a health class question,"

"...oh boy," Nate stretched.

"What's an orgasm?" her large doe eyes looked between the two men.

"Oh my god,..." Nate covered his eyes sighed as Dan looked over.

"Pfht...Ask your mom," Dan blinked not believing that she asked that.

"Why?"

"Because i'd love to see her face when she doesn't tell you," he stood up from the chair and headed for the kitchen.

"So it's bad?" she lifted off the couch and followed him.

"No it's definitely not bad," Nate laughed.

"Nate!" Dan groaned.

"Daddy you said if I had any questions about sex that I was to ask you because the kids at school will fill my head with lies!"

"I didn't mean today. and I didn't mean now,"

"Well it's too late. I want to know!"

"That's too bad. We're not talking about this today,"

"So how many times did you try for me?

"Nic, go brush your teeth,"

"Why are you always mad at me when I ask sex questions!"

"I'm not mad at you. I don't know how to answer that,"

"It's easy. Five times. Ten times..., see? it's easy,"

"Go brush your teeth please," Dan ignored her.

"FINE!" she screamed shrilly.

"Drop the attitude Nicole,"

"I don't have attitude!" she whined.

"Go brush your teeth and i'll tuck you in in five," Dan said calmly not giving into to her emotions.

"I don't want you to tuck me in!,"

"Fine," Dan shrugged.

"FINE!" she yelled back.

"Brutal," Nate laid his head on the back of the couch once Nicky stomped off to brush her teeth. "You going to head out now?" Nate asked after a moment knowing Dan had plans to meet up with Claudia.

"I gotta tuck her in first," Dan explained.

"But she just said..."

"I know what she said," Dan smirked. Nate couldn't help but to laugh when about five minutes later Nicky poked her head around the archway of the hall.

"Daddy?" she said softly. "Can you please tuck me in?"

"You made it clear that you didn't want me to,"

"No, I do," she looked vulnerable and Dan got up from the couch to take care of his daddy duty. Nicky ran and jumped on to her bed getting under the covers.

"You warm?"

"Yes," she nodded as he pulled up the blankets and make sure she was tucked in tightly.

"Okay," he pressed a kiss on her forehead. "I'll see you in the morning babe. I love you,"

"I love you too," she smiled softly. Dan looked at her adoringly and inhaled lightly.

"A lot," Dan said as he squeezed her hand gently.

"Pardon?" she looked confused.

"We tried a lot," he smiled softly.

"Oh..." she seemed appeased with the answer as Dan got up and flicked off the switch.

"I've never seen her so defiant," Nate commented when Dan returned to the living-room and slipped his wallet into his breast pocket.

"Never?" he laughed. "She got more than just her looks," Dan referred to Blair. "Sweetest thing one minute, Medusa's withering glare the next,...So i'll be back in about two hours, we're just going for a drink,"

"You and my cousin..."

"It's not serious," Dan laughed.

When Dan got home Nate was passed out on the couch, he nudged him awake and without so much of an acknowledgment he got in the elevator to head home. "Thanks buddy,"

"Not a problem," he yawned. Dan pushed Nicky's bedroom door gently to find her sleeping peacefully. As Dan settled into bed he felt the most peace he'd felt in the last couple months. His life was ironing out quite easily these days. His book had just been published and people seemed to be loving it, he was writing up a storm, Nicky seemed to be adjusting better than ever, he started seeing Claudia more and found if he looked past her wardrobe she was actually likable. His life was easy until complicated knocked on his door. He picked up his cell to check the time. It was two am, he wondered who could possibly be knocking on his door at this time of the night. He rubbed his eyes all the way to the door and took a look in the peep hole. He opened the door as quickly as possible seeing that she was about to walk away.

"Blair?" he blinked at the strong light in the hall.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

The day after I found out I was pregnant Nate came home with a bottle of wine and I declined. I saw a flicker of worry in Dan's eyes. If I had no intention on carrying this baby to term, why did I decline on a glass of wine?- my favourite wine. "What are we doing?" I couldn't answer. I needed more time to decide and simply excused my disinterest in the wine chalked it up to being respectful. Finally I convinced Dan to come with me to my first ultrasound. I was so scared to go alone. From the outside i'm sure the tech believed we were a couple who really wanted to have a baby. She knew we were married and seemed to think we were happy about this. I had to remind myself that people around us would think this is a blessing, they wouldn't look down at us with shame for this being unplanned. That was me, I was embarrassed that we were in this situation when we didn't want to be here. Tons of couples struggled to have a baby and here we were with one we didn't even want. I felt terrible. There was such detachment from the other women in the waiting room. I felt as though I didn't belong there. Dan was wearing Ralph Lauren and my feet were slipped into some of the finest Louboutins I owned. We had high-brow and demanding careers working for a magazine, we lived in a beautiful studio apartment that I refused to baby proof. I was not like the women in the waiting room. I couldn't picture myself wanting to take a year off work, let alone any amount of time to raise a small child I didn't want. This was never supposed to happen to us. We got this far without so much as a scare and NOW, now we were sitting here. I know Dan was just trying to help, he was just trying to put me at ease but I couldn't forget that it was me that had to go through this, not him. I had to be the one to decide, not him. He got to watch from the sidelines as I had to deal with something this heavy.

The tech was nice. I could tell she thought we were happy to be there. The smiles were to be polite. We didn't feel like smiling today. The picture on the screen made me feel sick. It was utterly creepy to me, knowing that something was growing inside me. I couldn't even think of it as anything but a virus at this point, or an unwanted growth. Dan couldn't even look at it. His eyes found a comfortable spot on the tiled floor and he stayed there for awhile as the tech pointed out the little pulse on the screen. She dated the baby and just as I suspected, Valentines Day.

"Well isn't that sweet?" she smiled at us, we didn't say anything.

"Amazing right?" she smiled at the pulse that continued to make me nauseous . 'Get it out, get it out,' was all I wanted to say then. I wondered how any woman could be okay with such an intrusion, I was appalled that this could happen without my consent. What do you think you're doing in there taking up residence in my body? how dare you! I realize this sounds crazy but this is exactly how I felt.

"Mm,.." I made a noise still feeling like I could puke at any second.

When we left the hospital Dan and I talked about anything and everything but that appointment. We talked about groceries that we needed to buy, we talked about Dan's book, we even walked around our apartment looking for things that required maintenance. "Im going to organize my books," Dan pointed at a shelf. "Okay" I replied staring at him. I didn't sleep that night, not a wink. Dan got out of bed at 3 am and went out to the living-room to stop tossing and turning.I don't know when it happened exactly but something inside me snapped over the next two days, I like to think of it as a motherly trait. It didn't take long for me to change my thinking about the growth and realize this clump of DNA, mine and Dan's, had the potential to be a person if I let it. I tried to push these thoughts from my mind, it was obviously just my hormones. When I found myself touching my stomach affectionately I knew I fell into the trap. My body and mind had been abducted.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

_"I just,..." she attempted. Derek's face was full of genuine concern and she couldn't lie. "I love you," her lip shook violently and she hugged him tighter than she ever had before, hiding her face and catching him completely off guard. Derek's arms wrapped around her and he squeezed back with comparable pressure. He wanted her to feel him react. His head turned and kissed the side of her face close to her ear._

_"I'm sorry that loving me makes you cry," he smiled and spoke into her ear. "I can understand it though,..I mean I do wear plaid and I am from Brooklyn so..." he ran his fingers along her spine in a comforting way. Natalie pulled back with a giggle and wiped her eyes. "It must be devastating to come to such a conclusion,"_

_"No,..." she took a shaky breath before hiding herself in his shoulder again somewhat embarrassed with herself._

_"Natalie,..." he said softly until she pulled away and faced him. "I love you," he returned. _

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Dan asked.

"Oh, I finished your book..." she shrugged. "I noticed you lifted some word for word dialogue...I consider that plagiarizing..."

"What?" he snorted. "That's fair game,"

"Umm,...In the book,...Derek and Natalie are still married..." she tapped on the cover.

"...I wanted it to have a happy ending,"

"It's not realistic"

"Again, I wasn't going for realistic. Umm, Blair,...It's 2am" he rubbed his eyes.

"Is it?"

"Yes, and you could have easily woken up the little girl. What are you doing here?"

"I,..." she pursed her lips causally. "Like I said, I read the book and I just wanted to..." she looked at her feet.

"What did you think?"

"I thought it was a fluff piece. Highly unrealistic, contrived, basically a Nicholas Sparks minus the death element...," she gulped before allowing her eyes to settle on his. "I_ loved it,_"

"You came here to tell me you loved my book?"

"I came here to see Nicky,..I didn't realize it was so late. How is she?"

"She's fine," he stared at Blair and saw her bottom lip tremble. "How's her mom?" he tilted his head to the side and Blair burst into tears.

"Hey,...Hey..."Dan pulled her into the apartment. "Don't cry" he hugged her. His arms wrapped around her like they have a hundred times before. These arms Blair used to associate with comfort. Dan's arms that she used to declare her own. her perfect place to snuggle into. She couldn't help reminding herself that his arms weren't hers anymore. She wasn't suppose to seek him for comfort, not anymore. She dreaded the day someone else would come into his life and claim his chest and his arms for her own.

"What's wrong?"

"I,...they didn't hire me" she wiped at her eyes.

"Wait?,...Vanity Fair?"

"Yeah," she sniffed.

"Blair, you can't win them all" he rubbed her back.

"I know,..I know that..." she cleared her throat. "But,..." her voice trailed off.

"But what?" he said softly urging her to continue. letting her know he was still listening. She moved her face from his chest so she could look at him.

"There were eight of us and..." she inhaled through her nose. Dan's heart broke for her watery eyes. "I'm the only one who wasn't..." she trailed off as her lips curled at the edges and her shoulders bounced lightly. Dan's face dropped at her omission. His eyes squinted and his head shook back and fourth.

"Wasn't what?" his eyes squinted.

"Hired. Everyone was hired but me," she burst into tears.

"What?," he said alarmed. "...That's bull..." he said instantly while he ran his hand over the back of her head, she cried silently into his chest as Dan fumed at the person who broke her spirit. "they must have made a mistake,"

"I wanted it forever..."

"I know Blair," he was so close to kissing her cheek but reminded himself it wasn't appropriate.

"What did I do wrong?"

"I want to talk to these people," Dan used his thumbs to wipe her tears away. "They made a huge mistake. You are above them anyway. They don't deserve you" Blair pulled away from him once she realized she was starring into his eyes.

"I can't believe i'm here right now making you do this,"

"You're not making me do anything"

"I'm sorry but I can't,..."

"Can't what?"

"I can't talk to anyone else. I can' be like this with anyone else,"

"That's not true"

"Yes it is. I have to be happy and calm for Nicky. I have to be cool and easy with Nina. I have to be a strong boss at work. My mom expects me to hold it together like she did. I can't do it all. I'm a mess and here I am using my ex..."

"Daisy,..." he sighed hugging her tighter.

"Don't call me that,"

"I'm always here. Always. You don't have to cut yourself out of my life. I don't want you to. I never wanted that. I want to be your friend. Why can't we be friends?"

"Okay," she nodded but was still crying.

"Don't cry. You don't want to work in a place like that anyway. You want something? water?"

"No it's fine,"

"I'm going to take Nicky out for breakfast in the morning you wanna come with?,"

"I'd really like that,"

"Why is this weird?" he laughed lightly.

"Is it weird?"

"We know each-other so well,...this shouldn't be weird! this should be easy."

"Right, we used to be best-friends, and now we're having a difficult time talking about having breakfast together. We know each-other! I know all your secrets,...we have been naked together countless times..."

"Too many times to count..." her eyes scanned over his body."You used to check my breasts for lumps," she said dryly starring at the wall.

"I did do that..." he laughed with a nod.

"It's just weird Dan,... never thought I would get divorced,"

"I did,"

"What?" she smiled lightly confused.

"I just always assumed you would divorce Chuck,"

"Oh!" she laughed lightly.

"But then again I never imagined that we would ever get married so..."

"But you never thought we would get divorced?"

"...Never," he smiled a little. "I assumed we'd bicker ourselves into old age and sit on rocking chairs and judge people until the day we died,"

"How beautiful,..." Blair scoffed. "I always assumed we'd be grandparents,..."

"Oh i'm talking about before Nicky. I'm talking like,...before before," he inhaled. "You know when we didn't want kids and assumed we'd be happy childless,"

"Hey, we were happy childless,"

"Happier with child," he commented.

"True. I guess i should have said,...Simpler without child," she corrected.

"Simpler before we wanted a child," Dan corrected again. "She was easy peasy," he thought about how well behaved she was as a baby.

"We got lucky,"

"Extremely,"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO X**

**FLASHBACK**

"I'm going to say something but I need you be quiet and listen. Do not say a word until i'm done kapeesh?"

"Kapeesh" he nodded. "Since when do you say 'Kapeesh' ?"

"Hshht,..." she silenced him then took an audible deep breath. "I want to,..._keep it_, would you be okay with that?" Dan's lips parted but she held her hand out to silence him before he even uttered a single word. "I want you to know that we're in this together and if you say no, then the answer is no. I would never put you in a situation where you had to compromise your life for me. I would never ask this of you. Don't do this for me, i'm not asking you to just go along with my decision, because you have to be in this with me. If there is so much of fleck of doubt in your mind, we can't do this. If any part of you doesn't want this, we can't do this. We can't do this for the wrong reasons, we promised ourselves we would never do this for the wrong reasons. We're a team and I will never compromise your life or the life you have planned for yourself...But right now,...I feel like this happened for a reason,...maybe. I'm warming up to this idea. It might just be hormones, it might just be biology working against me but i'm willing to go through all of this because from the second I saw that flutter of a heartbeat I saw something we created. A little life that I wouldn't mind meeting someday. Let me say this again. Do not worry about my feelings. I'm just letting you know where I stand. I need you with me, I need my partner, if you say no,...then you say no and we move on. I promise you Dan,...I will not be upset with you. I will not be angry, but please be honest, perfectly honest because I can't have you fake happiness for me. Tell me straight up, yes or no" Dan's lips pressed together.

"Yes or no?" she asked.

"Blair, I wanted to say _yes_ the second you opened your mouth but it's kind of hard to get a word in edgewise"

"Really?"

"Yeah, I figured you might come to this conclusion. I mean it's been a week so..."

"Yeah?" she smiled.

"Yeah, since when do you say kapeesh?" he laughed.

"Dan!"

"What?"

"We're going to have a baby?"

"Seems that we are..." Dan barely finished speaking when the phone rang. Blair got up and went over to her desk she was visibly happy and made her contentment even more known when she answered the phone.

"Hello, Blair Waldorf speaking," she smiled brightly into the receiver. "Oh,..." her jaw dropped. "I'd be honored...I'll see you then. Absolutely, Thank you so much!"

"Was that Vanity Fair?"

"Yes" she bit her lip in excitement. But before she could celebrate she remembered what she and Dan had just been discussing before the phone rang.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"Your outfit all picked out for tomorrow?" he said sweetly as he came up behind her.

"I'm not going to go," She said calmly.

"What?"

"I'm not going to the interview"

"Ok," he thought for a moment. "Why?"

"I'm not what they're looking for,"

"Uh..You're exactly what they're looking for. Smart, determined, diligent..."

"Pregnant..." Blair said simply catching Dan off guard.

"..., I think you should still go to the interview,"

"They are never going to hire someone who is going to be taking a leave of absence in less than eight months it's waste of time"

"How long do you plan on taking off?"

"I don't know,...how long do women usually take?"

"A year..."

"A year!"she winced before wiping at her eyes cautiously hoping Dan didn't see how upset she was.

"Well you don't have to take the year. You could take a month or two and then I suppose I could umm..." he inhaled and scratched his eyebrow. "Or we could get a nanny..." he offered.

"This is terrible timing,"

"I want you to go to the interview. You don't have to tell them,"

"Yes I do! because I already know. I can't lie to them Dan. I will be useless to them..."

"I don't know what to tell you right now Blair,...this is what you chose"

"What I chose..." she inhaled. "Why does this sound like the worst idea in the world right now?"

"I don't think I want..." he bit his lip. "Do you want to...rethink this?" Blair started crying, Dan pulled her into a hug and kissed her head.

"Why do I have to decide this? I'm so mad at us..."

"Okay." Dan had enough with this. there was no good coming from her settling with this mistake. "We're making an appointment. I decided for you"

She nodded through her tears thankful that he did that. Ultimately it was her decision but it felt good to have Dan take control right now. "Okay" she took a breath. Dan got up from his desk and made a b-line for the phone. Blair walked over to her desk slowly with her arms crossed over herself. "Hello," she heard Dan greet someone on the phone as she picked up a file off her desk and noticed the sonogram sitting there. **_Hi mom and dad! _**at the top of the black page instantly made her throat hurt, her hand lowered on to her stomach.

"Dan,..." she starred at it and lifted it closer to her face. "Dan?" she called again when he didn't answer. Dan looked over holding the receiver against his ear, his shoulder fell slightly when he saw what she was holding.

"Uh,.." he sighed into the phone. "Actually,...I'm sorry." he hung up the phone. "Come here," Dan walked over and engulfed Blair in a hug. His hand crept up around her shoulder and pulled her in closer.

"This is _our_ baby," she said appalled with their attitude.

"I know," he squeezed her. "we're not going to talk about this again ok?" he ripped up the clinic number and held her tightly.

*_We both read all about what we were to expect now. Dan brought me brownies at work but it was our own little secret, I loved our secret. I planned on telling the whole family when I was about fourteen weeks. My clothes were just starting to feel tight and it seemed like the right time. I had one ultrasound a week before the dinner at my mother's house. That was the ultrasound that told me my baby no longer had a heartbeat. It wasn't the calmest pregnancy from the start. I woke up with morning sickness everyday after my four week. My ultrasounds always ran longer than the average woman's because they always found something strange or irregular with the heartbeat. I was never put at ease during an ultrasound. I was always sent up to another department and poked and prodded at. I couldn't even explain how many times a doctor said "We'll have to make you another appointment" When the day came that they finally explained my baby was no longer alive, I couldn't say I was shocked. Just because I wasn't shock doesn't mean I wasn't unfazed._ _Weird. That's the only word I have to describe what Dan and I went through after my miscarriage. It was like we were back to the start. Someone pressed rewind and we suddenly we had a second chance. We just got used to this enormous change we were about to make in our lives and now it vanished. We sat in the living-room for a long time just chatting. Dan must have asked me how I was feeling a hundred times. When I told him I felt fine and I wasn't in any pain, he'd ask if i was sure. That was always like him though. Bless that man. We just sat and looked at one another. Nate made a loud entrance while we were sitting calmly on the couches.*_

"I was struck by lightening today. It's amazing what your mind can think of when you people watch at the park," his shoes made loud racket on the floor of the kitchen. "I have an entire outline. You'll never guess the style...romance...you got me! but it's got a murder mystery thing going on and I think with the right elements. Okay, i'm going to make dinner, then call Judy and see if the look-book is good. My mind was elsewhere yesterday so my editing might not have been the greatest...It can't be worse than the time I let a photo print saying it was Mary-Kate Olsen instead of Ashley Olsen...I'll never live that down. Okay so where was I? Dinner, Judy, then i'm going to call Connor and give him the outline idea. Wow, i'm making lists in my head. You must be rubbing off on me," he walked over and bent down to her.

Blair snapped out of her trance when she felt Dan's lips hit her neck from behind. "Hi" she managed to say, it vibrated on his lingering kiss. She closed her eyes then wiped a remaining tear that had been parked on her face from earlier. Dan leaned over and rested his chin on Blair's shoulder, he nuzzled her neck, then pressed a kiss behind her ear.

"I have a surprise for you," he said happily. Blair turned to see a large bouquet of flowers she wondered what they were for.

"_What for?_" she stood looking at the beautiful arrangement, her arms crossed gently around her midsection.

"Read the card," Dan said simply as he looked through the fridge for ingredients to make dinner. Blair walked over and spread the folded card open with one hand; the other still wrapped around her midsection. 'Happy 14 weeks - Love Dan'. A sore feeling in her throat signaled the arrival of tears.

"Dan..." she turned, her eyes swimming. "You shouldn't have done this," she looked away from the flowers and stared at her spot on the couch.

"I looked it up...our baby is the size of strawberry," he laughed ignoring her as he slammed the crisper closed. She couldn't find the words, she couldn't gather them fast enough to form a sentence. "I wonder if we should find out the gender? I think that might be fun if we don't know" Without saying anything she signaled him to remove them from her dining- room table. It was a gesture her mother would make to an intern that was annoying her. Still shooing the flowers Dan questioned her.

"What, You don't like them?" he asked, his shoulders dropping. "I thought about getting hydrangeas but I saw these and thought they looked really pretty"

"..._Take them away please,_" she spoke in a breathy mumble.

"Psht...," Dan laughed gently. "I admit they're not your favourite but I thought they'd look good in here, they're bright. And Blue and Pink...appropriate theme non?"

"Dan, take them away please" she felt her lip shake.

"No," he found her being absurd for even ordering him around like this.

"No?" she questioned his loyalty to the word.

"I wanted to get them," he said softly, his attention focused in the fridge. "I got them because i'm really happy we're doing this,...it's exciting" he smiled to himself as he began looking for something to make dinner with "Did you have anything in mind for dinner? or do you want to go out?" he asked before he went to the pantry.

"_Dan_..." she began before he interrupted her.

"Blair, please don't tell me i'm not allowed to be happy," his words were sharp. "you can't control me like that. I'm happy" he smiled lightly looking through the meat stored in the freezer. "We should be celebrating not..." he closed the door of the fridge and turned to find Blair's face stricken with tears. "Blair,..." he sighed, his thumbs wiped her tears away but they just kept coming. "It's all going to be fine. We've been over this. What happened to last night? you were so sure and happy," Dan suddenly came to some kind of realization, there was something in his wife's eyes. Blair knew that Dan figured out the origin of her tears when his head slowly tilted to the side.

"celebrating what?" she asked with his hands cupping her cheeks; his thumbs gently stroking her cheeks.

"What happened?" he frowned still running his thumbs over her perfect skin.

Blair shrugged, her face contorted trying to hold in the pain she was experiencing before her body convulsed with heavy crying. "n..n..._No heartbeat_..." she took a heavy shaky breath and exhaled slowly. "So,..." she looked away from him to gather some strength "Problem solved," she looked back, her eyes large and glossy. Dan's immediate instinct was to put his hand on the back of her head and pull her into him. Her fingers dug into his shoulder blades. Dan sat her down on the couch so he could stuff the bouquet of flowers in the trash.

"They were ugly anyway. You know I never liked flowers...they have no purpose and they're expensive, in three days they'll be brown and i'll have to throw them out anyway. I think they were uhhh carnations...or...Is that a flower or am I just making things up? No, I think i'm right...well what do I know? I'm not a gardener...uh florist. I used to have a house plant at the loft once,...Jenny would have to come by and take care of it. I was just terrible...you know what my favourite type of plant is? the plastic ones. You don't have to water them, it doesn't matter if you leave them in the sun or the shade, you just have to dust the leaves once in awhile and you're good. We should get a plastic plant..." Dan looked around; he leaned on the marble counter top, his fingers tapped at it lightly on the surface. He couldn't hear Blair so he continued to talk. "what about a hanging plant? it might look nice in the kitchen..."

Blair spoke to him through the door, he couldn't see her but he could hear her. "_I have to go to the hospital tomorrow morning for a D and C_..." she was still crying. Dan's neck lost all stability and hung in front of him, weak and powerless. Silence filled both rooms until it was unbearable.

"_Do you know what that means?_" Blair asked needing to hear him.

"mm" Dan rubbed his eyes. "Mhmm..." squeezed his eyes tighter now.

"I'm..." She tried to talk but all Dan could hear was crying.

"Blair..." Dan rushed to her side and pulled her into a hug. Finally when they pulled away Blair and Dan held hands lightly and just talked calmly.

"I'm okay," she smiled up at him. "I'm just stunned..." she rubbed her eyes.

"What happened? what did they say?"

"That there is no heartbeat and i'm too far along to miscarry naturally so they..." her bottom lip found itself shaking again. "They made me an appointment,..."

"What time?"

"ten..." she nodded.

"I'll go with you" he stroked her hands as if warming them up.

"Just feels weird..." she piped up, running a finger under her eye.

"Weird how?" he asked thoughtfully with a tilt of his head.

"I just don't have another word to describe this feeling. It's just weird..." she played with the pocket of his pants. They both heard the sound of the elevator door dinging open and Nate made his loud entrance as he lugged in his ski equipment. Nate took a quick look at his friend's sitting in a strange position, facing each-other.

"Whoa, who died?" he asked. Without a word Blair's lips curled at the edges and her eyes glossed up.

"C'mon..." Dan helped her off the couch and brought her into the bedroom.

"I'm,..." she swallowed hard. "I'm not crying..." her bottom lip shivered. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve.

"Blair,..." Dan's eyebrows raised.

"I'm not!...I'm just..." she pursed her lips together. Dan's hand wiped away tears on her face. "You smell like smoke..." Dan's lips curved up at the edges with her attempt at an excuse.

"Blair,..._you're crying,_" Dan stated the obvious with a compassionate nod.

"I know!" she admitted before covering her eyes. Dan hugged her tightly and she shook a little as he kissed her shoulder trying to calm her down. "I'll be right back," he laid her down on the bed.

"What happened? she didn't get a promotion or something?" Nate opened the fridge.

"uh no,..she..." Dan rubbed his hand on the back of his neck. "She had a miscarriage."

"...oh. Omigod...I didn't mean to..." Nate's sprung up from the counter and gazed at Dan with compassion. "I didn't even know that you guys...,"

"No, it's okay Nate,..really it's...we didn't tell anyone" Dan sighed "you didn't know," he assured him before stirring the contents of the tea cup.

"I'm sorry man," Nate said, his blue eyes large with sympathy.

"S'ok," Dan headed back into the bedroom where Blair was balled up, holding her blanket with a death grip.

"I know it's silly," she sniffled as she watched Dan place her teacup on her nightstand.

"It's not silly. How is this silly?" he took a seat and grabbed her hand. "It's not silly at all"

"It happens all the time I know that but,...now we're not going to have a baby."

"What do you mean?"

"We don't want a baby so this means we're really not going to have one"

"Why does this mean we won't have one?"

"Because we don't want one"

"Oh...I think we do," he offered a small smile.

"We do?"

"I'd say so" he laughed lightly. Blair dried her eyes and sat up, a beat passed between them where Blair suddenly became much calmer.

"So,..." her eyes darted around the room. "What,...what are you saying?"

"I'm saying,...if we want to have a baby, we can have one. Nothin' stopping us,"

"But you don't want one,"

"You know,...I really wish you'd let me speak for myself someday" he smiled.

"What changed your mind? and please don't say it was me crying because that's the dumbest reason"

"Did me buying you flowers today not tell you anything?."

"Oh,..."

"Yeah," he smiled catching another tear on her cheek and kissing her head tenderly. "How bout in a couple months,...we talk about it" he stroked her cheek.

"Talk about it?" she swallowed. "I know. I already know it's what I want"

"Well,...right now you're in a strange place where you just lost something. Let's just wait and see okay?"

"...but" she starred him confused. "You just said,...Dan..."

"Blair, you tend to rush into things when you think you want them..."

"Stop...this isn't a job placement or an impulse purchase Dan!"

"All I'm saying is that we should really take some time to think about this. We just got a second chance here..."

"A second chance!" she cried. "Our baby is dead!" all she could think about was her little grape. "...and I have to go get it scraped out tomorrow and you're saying we have a second chance?"

"I'm sorry, bad choice of words!," Dan apologized with his hands up. "I just want us to know for absolute sure. I don't want us to rush into something to have you change your mind. I want to know for certain this is what we want and we're not making a decision based on how we feel in this moment" he pressed his hand into the bedding with each word.

"But,..."

"I never want to have kids," Dan said suddenly catching Blair off guard. "I would be a nightmare at being a mother," Dan continued. Blair suddenly understood what he was doing. "People have kids because they think they are supposed to, they have them to fill voids, they have them to give their parents grandchildren, they have them so they can live their lives through them or have someone to take care of them when they're old and grey.I don't want to have kids for the wrong reasons..that's what we used to say..." he squeezed her hand.

"I know," she nodded.

"I want to have a baby with you because we want to,...and that's all, plain and simple...we want to, and i want to know that will be the same reason in two months. We're young, we can even start this in a couple years. The option will be there whenever we decide,..."

Blair nodded softly. "Okay," she smiled.

Dan couldn't say he was surprised when he noticed Blair circled two months from then on the calendar and titled it 'D DAY'


	13. Look How Far We've Come

**A/N:** So this will show how some things fall into place and you might just be a little surprised by the end. These are two flashbacks just years apart. There is no present time but that is left to when Blair and Dan take Nicky for breakfast and these flashbacks need to come before it. I'm pairing certain things up purposely and this stuff needs to happen now in order for the present time to sync up with the proper flashbacks in future chapters. This is a long one but an important one. I can't finish this before GG is over. I tried but I have too much going on in my real life at the moment and I can only write for like an hour a day. ENjOY.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

(**Look how far we've Come**)

By Matchbox Twenty

From: When in Rome

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

_The frustration and fear we had when I first walked in the house with that test was purely from lack of control. Dan and I were two peas from a pod. We hated surprises that complicated our future plans. We hated blips in the paths we created for ourselves. We've both worked too hard to change our very specific plans. Dan had just put in two weeks notice at Cosmo so he could focus on his book and I was holding on the hopes of a promotion or a possible call from Vanity Fair. We were in no position to be dealing with this. After we came to terms with becoming parents we made changes. Dan retracted his two weeks notice and continued to juggle writing and being my primary editor. I told him to just keep writing and not worry about the magazine but he liked being around to make sure I had enough help. He was all over the place, meetings with Connor, meetings with possible publishers, my meetings, my editing. I don't think he would have been so attentive to me if my ultrasounds went well. They never did. I cried feeling sorry for myself a few times. I'm ashamed to say that I wasn't upset that my baby had an irregular heart-beat or was underweight at six weeks. I was upset because I was failing, I was no good at growing a baby. I'd cry when I was alone- angry with myself. When I lost the baby I was not shocked, I was either waiting for things to get better or worse. - Blair_

Dan shouldn't have been surprised when Blair wrote it on the calendar. She called it "D-DAY" for 'Decision Day' she didn't mention it at all. She just waited patiently. She woke up like a child on Christmas morning that politely waited- not wanting to rush her parents but exploding with anticipation. Dan cruelly waited to see how patient she could be. Surprisingly she didn't mention it all day. They went to the movies, they had dinner. When they got home she put on her pajamas and tried to act like nothing had been on her mind all day.

"Hey, you know what I just noticed? it's D-day..." he smiled leaning on the door frame of their bedroom. "I completely forgot," he lied.

"Oh, has it been two months already?" she pretended she hadn't noticed as she pulled pins out of her hair at her vanity.

"What's your verdict?" Dan sat on the edge of the bed.

"It depends...what's yours?" she inhaled trying to act neutral.

"I think,..." he walked over and sat at the edge of the bed. "You should come over here so I can take that off," he pointed at her nightie.

"I love that answer," she sighed and rushed over to kiss him. "But I thought you wanted to wait,"

"For what? " he took her face in his hand.

"We're really on the same page here?"

"Mhmm,..." he nuzzled her and focused on the clasp of her bra.

"Okay. But we have to use a condom," Blair kissed him gently until Dan pulled away.

"Pardon me?" he blinked.

"We have to use one. I've been off the pill for six weeks,"

Dan pulled away from her with a highly amused expression. "You're aware that will have the total opposite reaction of what we want right?"

"Daniel, today is decision day not baby making day," she said simply.

"Uh..."

"You had like 3 coffees this morning and a drink with dinner..."

"So?"

"You also smoked today,"

"I'm not following,"

"Baby making boot camp my dear," she patted him on the shoulder.

"Of course..." Dan sighed. "Okay...where do we begin?"

"Get your notebook...," she sung.

Dan burst into laugher. "You are insane," he got off the bed to retrieve his notebook. Blair smiled widely when he came back with his notebook and his good pen.

"I see you are taking this very seriously," she smirked at the pen.

"Okay, go!"

"Folic acid! everyday," she clapped her hands together once.

"Okay," he nodded jotting it down.

Dan should have known Blair wouldn't be casual about their big decision. If they were going to do this, they were going to do it right. And right to Blair meant controlling every aspect of this endeavor to the finest of details. From the get go, Blair made Dan take folic acid everyday with breakfast and he was now chewing nicotine gum because he was absolutely not allowed to smoke anymore if they were going to have a baby. Blair continued to take her birth control because she was dead set on giving birth in the fall. Dan found this to be crazy but she could convince him that the calmest of babies are born in the fall by using herself and one of their nephews as examples. More dates were set on the calendar and their lives shifted in focus while they waited for the day when they could finally start trying. Finally, it was mid January and Blair had developed a system where their baby could be born anytime between the middle of September and the end of November. This system allowed for wiggle room in the event their baby was late or early. They were not allowed to start until her birth control had been phased out for more than six weeks and they had both changed their eating habits around. Dan had to cut back on coffee and Blair made sure she took in a few extra calories everyday. Only perfect ovulating days were utilized, anything else was a waste of time.

"Come on..." Dan pinned her down. "Blairrrr..." he kissed her neck.

"Not tonight,"

"I'm going to surprise you tomorrow, what should I wear?"

"At work?" Dan groaned.

"Yes"

"Anna Karenina or Audrey?"

"You're going to dress up at work?" he laughed.

"I'm trying to keep it fun,"

"Fun would be you getting naked right now" Dan smirked as his hand travelled south of her waist and gave her a little squeeze.

"Tomorrow..." she pulled away.

"okay then,...can I have private school Blair then?" he smiled when she gasped at the good idea.

"I still have my Constance uniform!"

"mmm" his hands trailed up her legs and rested on her thighs just under her skirt.

"Not today" she pulled away again. "But stay excited," she nuzzled his nose. "The strongest children come from long awaited sex," she stood and went into the en-suite to put on her pajamas.

"That is so primitive. And do we honestly need a basal thermometer? I don't see why we can't do this the old fashioned, 'whenever the mood strikes' way," he pulled back the covers and got into bed.

"You need to just calm down," she said as she exited the en-suite in a little night-gown that left little to the imagination. Dan's interest was immediately peaked as he sat up straight in bed.

"I need to calm down?" he asked with an impish smile, his eyes tracing around her body.

"Yes. You need to just...," she slipped into bed and held her head up beside his. "calm down,..."

"Then don't dress like that," he starred at her cleavage. Blair giggled before kissing him gently. It was slow and soft, when she pulled away his lips were expecting more.

"Good night," she turned over. Dan tried to spoon with her but she wouldn't have it. "Back up mister,"

When they woke up Dan looked miserable at the kitchen table. "I'm slowly going nuts here," he scrubbed a hand over his face.

"Oh I'm doing it on purpose," she smirked. "stay excited,.."

"Muah, i'll see you at work," as she lifted out of her chair she dragged her breasts over Dan's face.

"Are you kidding..." Dan shut his eyes and then opened then and looked over at her.

"It's the Spartan way,"

"It's the insane way,"

"I will see you at work in a few hours and i'll make you all better," she smiled.

Nina was appalled with Blair. She couldn't fathom what was going on in her head that thought having a baby would be a good idea. "You're nuts,..."

"You're close minded,"

"You'll have to compromise,"

"And i'm okay with that,"

"Since when?"

"Since I decided that this is what I want,"

Nina took a seat on the couch and grimaced at the table that was covered in baby books. She lifted some papers and dropped them with disgust. "Heating charts? you think that belongs on your coffee table?"

"Move them," Blair shrugged not understanding why Nina was so against this.

"I'm not touching them,...and _by the way_..." she smiled sarcastically. "I heard you in your office today. Super unprofesh...,"

"Oh god Nina," Blair rolled her eyes. "You know we've done it before you're just pissed that we're doing it with a purpose now...and i'll have you know...you DID NOT hear us because Dan and I were much too busy to even do it today," she sighed unhappy with the first day of their plan.

"Hey Nina," Dan greeted her coming out of the office. "What's going on?" he could see the tension between the two women.

"Oh just talking about how it looks like the two of you robbed the family planning section of the fucking drugstore," she opened her arms as if to present him with the coffee table full of books, charts, pregnancy tests and calendars then placed her feet up on a stack of parenting magazines.

"Blair promise that our baby will be kept away from Nina, I fear she might want to skin it _and make a coat_,..." he said with malice.

"Precious..." Nina said sarcastically with an eye-roll. "Absolutely fucking precious,...I hope your kid comes out just as pretentious and douchey as Dan..." Nina grinned at Blair who sighed with exhaustion.

"I don't know why this involves you Nina," Dan said getting fed up with her poor attitude. "It doesn't effect you, its not your life so just leave it alone," he said sternly.

"It_ is_ my life!," she yelled." Blair is my best-friend and boss, it IS my life. I don't want to be Aunt Nina. I don't. I'm sorry. I want to get drunk on Friday night and play poker..." she held her hands in the air and shook them above her head, "...and SMOKE!" she looked at Dan still in shock that he gave up smoking for this crazy idea.

"No one is smoking anymore Nina,..." Blair looked to Dan.

"I'm sorry but if you think i'm going to stop smoking because you have a rugrat you're sorely mistaken..."

"Nina..." Blair walked over as she got up from the couch.

"No. Let her leave," Dan crossed his arms. Nate heard the commotion and exited his bedroom.

"What's going on?"

"Nina's leaving because she's being irrational and immature..."

"Yes I am! and I might never come back,"

"I've been waiting to hear that for a long time," Dan said seriously.

"Dan!" Blair yelled at him. "No,...Nina...don't," Blair grabbed for her hand.

"Nate would you like to come out with me? mom and dad are up way past their bed time..." she said scathingly.

"Nina, just talk to me!" Blair pleaded. "Why are you so upset?" Nina turned and got into the elevator, Blair rushed to get in with her.

"Come back in,"

"No, I'm not wanted," she pressed the floor level button.

"You know how Dan is...," she rubbed her friend's shoulder. "He just says things he doesn't mean when stands up for me," she smiled. "Come back in and we'll do shots..ok?"

"You can't do shots Blair..." Nina rolled her eyes.

"Just come back in. It's movie night. You can't run out on movie night it's tradition,"

"I don't want to go back in there,...it's all 'fifty pages of planning' and it disgusts me. There is a heating chart on your coffee table..." Blair inhaled.

"I'll put them away..." she pressed her lips together. "Nina you are a strong, independent woman and me having a baby isn't going to change anything,"

"Why do you want to have a baby?" her shoulders fell.

"...Because I do," Blair's face crunched up and she smiled.

"But why?"

"I couldn't give you a perfect answer," she shrugged a little. "but...just,...Dan and I can make our own family..." she smiled and shook her head trying to explain it better. "I know it sounds silly but we can make a person, we can literally generate a human being to have in our lives and that is powerful and profound," she took a deep breath. "I want to be someone's mom Nina. I want my own little family,"

"I'm never going to baby-sit,"

Blair laughed, "you don't have to," she brought her friend into a hug. "We're going to have a nanny and nothing is going to change."

"Promise?"

"Nina, I have worked much too hard to sacrifice my career to have a baby. I want it all and i'm going to have it all. I promise you,"

When Nina and Blair walked back into the apartment Dan stood stoically starring at his wife's best-friend.

"What do you want,..." she looked at him and scoffed.

"Nina...please," Blair intervened.

"Fine!...I'm sorry Hump,..." she offered reluctantly.

"Me too," he walked over and they hugged.

**_XOXOXOXOX_**

"Watching you and Nina is like watching you and I back in the day," she giggled to Dan after Nina left.

"Oh god...no we were much meaner to each-other and we always had sexual tension," he smirked.

"We most definitely did not," she laughed at his imagination.

"Okay maybe that was in my head," he kissed her. "You know what?" he whispered in her ear, "I've been looking at these charts and I believe..."

Blair smiled amused with him as he pulled her on to his lap. "Listen my dear," Dan pressed a kiss on her neck. "I've been taking my vitamins," he trailed his nose along her neck smelling her beautiful perfume. "I haven't smoked in an eternity...," he kissed just behind her ear. "No more coffee..." he whispered. "i've been living a clean eating lifestyle with plenty of exercise and I think we've practiced the Spartan method long enough..."

"I believe conditions are perfect," she smiled as he kissed her neck.

"I hope you don't expect this to last very long,"

Blair burst into laughter when the phone rang. "Ignore it," Dan breathed heavily into her ear. Blair tried to ignore it when the answering machine picked up.

**_Dan, it's James. I need you to call me immediately_**

"Get it," Blair sighed.

"NO...no," he shook his head.

"Get it," she pushed him. Dan took the call in his office. Blair leaned against the door frame and watched him run his hand through his hair in frustration.

"We can't do this next week?...," he clicked his pen and looked at his schedule on the computer screen in front of him. "Oh,...bad time..." he groaned. "I know I can do it. it's not about not being able to do it. It's about not wanting to do it," When Dan got off the phone he rested his head on his desk. Blair walked over and ran her hand over his back.

"What's wrong?" she asked as he lifted his head up.

"He wants me to finish the last two chapters by tomorrow morning,"

"What?" she sighed. "That will take you all night..."

"It gets worse...," he took her hand in his. "I have to fly out to Chicago tomorrow morning to meet Jerry...,"

"What happened to HarperCollins?" Blair asked.

"They want it too," he bit his lip and willed himself to keep from smiling. Blair couldn't help but smile.

"I told you this one was going to be good," she she leaned in and kissed him. "How long are you going to be gone?"

"Just a week and then i'll be home for a few days and then i'm heading back again,"

"What days are you going to be home?" Dan showed her on his calendar and Blair groaned.

"I'm leaving for Paris the day before you get home!" she sighed.

"Okay, we can do that. It's not like we've never done it before,"

"It's not about the time apart. It's what we were starting. I was ovulating for another three days," she frowned. "And in total we're going to be apart for a month which will change my entire plan,"

"Well,...we start right now," he suggested drawing circles on her back.

"You have to write," she reminded him.

"Well I need some inspiration for that," he pouted.

"That's true," she bit her lip and found herself in his lap. Dan's hands were moving up her shirt as she unbuckled his belt, Dan discarded her blouse but not before Blair's hand went to work on him.

"Slow down," he nuzzled her and worked at her skirt and tights. They were getting really into the foreplay when the phone rang again. "Get it," Blair said impishly. Dan took a breath and answered in the best casual voice he could muster trying to slow down his breathing so he didn't pant into the phone receiver.

"Dan Humphrey,..." he leaned back in his chair while Blair kissed up his neck. "Yeah. I can go. You got my ticket? perfect..." he gulped as Blair placed both hands on his shoulders. "I won't be late. I've never been late..., I understand i'll be there at eiiiiight," Blair lowered herself on to him and he closed his eyes. "mmm,...yes. See you then,...what's that?" he made a painful face and Blair giggled lightly knowing he was definitely not in pain. "I'll have it written and ready for you during the flight," he bit his lip and used one of his hands to steady himself so the chair would stop creaking. "Bye," Dan hung up quickly, his hands went straight for her hips. "You're bad," Dan smiled.

"Just determined," she said in a breathy moan.

"Oh please tell me you're close," he sighed closing his eyes.

"No, distract yourself!" she begged.

"okay what can I think of..._.think about baseball swing all night._..," he said under his breath. "I'm definitely turned off when I think about how you had sex with Nate," he shrugged.

"that's not going to help ME," she swatted at him.

"Oh I know!...Hydrogen, Helium...Lithium, Beryllium, Boron, Carbon, Nitrogen, oxygen, fluorine, Neon..." he inhaled sharply thinking this might not be the solution.

"Sodium," Blair helped.

"You're not supposed to help me!" he laughed.

"Well, help me!" Blair panted. Dan's mouth went straight for her nipple, Blair moaned out in pleasure and Dan lost it.

"Oh shit," his forehead pressed against her collar bone but smiled when he heard Blair.

"MMMMMMmmm," Blair panted loudly. When they made eye contact they both burst into laughter. "Thank goodness we've always been good at the simultaneous orgasm,"

"I think we're sympathetic," Dan smiled at her through satisfied, dreamy eyes.

"In other words we get off on each-other getting off,"

"Well when you say it, it sounds so poetic..." his eyes bounced around the ceiling as he thought.

"Umm," Blair sat up a little straight, her hair was a mess and her lips was swollen. "What do we do now?" she smirked.

"I don't know..." Dan looked around, "I suppose we could just stay like this?"

"I think i'm supposed to elevate my legs," she thought. With that, Dan scooped her up and walked her to their bedroom, gently getting them on the bed. He waited a moment before smiling, "Think i've over stayed my welcome?" he questioned.

"I think your job is done," she nodded tapping him on the shoulder. Dan moved away and went to the en-suite to brush his teeth. When he returned to bed Blair still had her legs in the air.

"Round two?" she asked with excitement in her voice.

"I gotta finish that outline,"

"Alright," she sighed. "Don't leave without saying bye?" she smiled impishly and Dan knew what she meant.

"I won't," he kissed her on the forehead before heading to the office.

Blair was dreaming about kissing, then about cuddling when her eyes opened and Dan was kissing her she smiled dreamily. She was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open but continued to kiss him and eventually explored his tongue with hers. She could barely care if she had morning breath or not as Dan didn't seem to care if she did. Before she knew it he was stripping her down then spooned with her before positioning himself at her entrance. Blair moaned out in pleasure as he pushed himself in, filling her to the hilt, the angle was marvelous. She did no work, she let him do it all as she smiled against her pillow very close to orgasm. Dan grabbed for her hand and linked them together as he stretched around to kiss her neck. She was moaning louder now as they picked up the pace and shattered within a minute. She turned her head and opened her mouth wide, he kissed her hard on the lips at her seeming request then he gripped her hips as he filled her with all he had to offer.

"Thanks for saying goodbye," she giggled lightly as she turned to face him. Dan pressed a soft, lingering kiss on her forehead.

"Go back to sleep. I'll call you when I get there,"

They texted and called each-other every single day apart but there was no mention of anything baby and Dan would be lying if he said he wasn't relieved. When Dan arrived home he found Blair reading her baby books. "I'm home!" he announced.

"So you are," she folded the corner of the book and placed it on the chair before kissing him hello. "Everything is happening!," he smiled. "I'm going to be a published author...can you believe it?...I'm sorry...how was Paris? how is your dad and Roman?,"

"I've taken six pregnancy tests," Blair ignored him.

"Uhh..."

"And i'm not pregnant,"

"I somehow didn't think you would be," his eyes shifted.

"Why aren't you concerned? we did everything right..."

"Well,...I don't think that guarantees anything,"

"The first time I got pregnant so quickly...I should already be pregnant now..."

"That was a fluke," his eyes shifted.

"Dan, we have heating charts, we practiced the Spartan method..."

"That is not a real thing Blair," he said softly shaking his head, "..that's before advances in science and education, there is no truth to it what-so-ever and as a well educated woman you should know that,..."

"Don't call me stupid,"

"I'm _not_ calling you stupid," Dan's eyes squinted.

"We waited until the best times and we are healthy as can be,...are you smoking?"

"No,...I would never...,"

"You must be...how could you?" he blinked at her accusing eyes.

"Umm what?...You're acting like a nut-job right now,"

"Well that's nice!" she cried.

"Blair,...we can try again,..." his eyes widened not believing how crazy she was acting.

"I wanted our baby to be born in the fall!" she yelled. "and now we have to wait because I don't want a December baby!" she yelled.

"Umm what happened to anytime between mid September and early december?"

"I changed my mind..."

"Of course you did!," he laughed sarcastically. "You know maybe if we didn't have to stick to that ridiculous regime you created for us, you would be pregnant already...but no..."

"Well maybe if you didn't go on a month long vacation everything would be going according to plan!" she shouted.

"Vacation?," he closed his eyes. "I'M GETTING PUBLISHED!" he reminded her how important this was for him. "You are the one that went on vacation," Blair started to cry and Dan walked over slowly.

"Blair..." massaged his temples. "If you plan it down to every last detail like this, it's not going to happen..." he said softly.

"You ruined everything..." she said simply. Dan didn't know what to say to that he wondered if Blair could see how angry he was right now. "You don't even care that you ruined my entire plan!" she cried into her pillow.

"...I don't want to have a baby with you," Dan said easily.

"What?" she looked up from her pillow in total shock. Her eyes were wide and sparkled with heavy tears that ran down her cheeks.

"I can't," he shook his head.

"But I want to," she said in a shaky voice.

"Well i'm sorry but I don't. Not if it's going to be like this,..." he shook his head. "Blair you're acting like a two year-old right now. And i'm ready to deal with a two year-old's tantrums but i'm not ready to deal with yours,..." he spoke honestly. Blair was crying louder now. Heavy sobs as she held on to her pillow. Dan stayed standing and Blair wondered why he wasn't comforting her like he usually would. Blair wiped her tears and looked up to see him standing with slight concern in his eyes but completely secure in his decision.

"I'm sorry Blair," he inhaled. "Umm,..." he tugged on the top of his ear absentmindedly, "Maybe we should take some time to,..." he swallowed. "Maybe some time apart would be good?"

"We were just apart for a month..." she tried to keep herself calm but Dan saw that she wasn't doing a good job a keeping herself from crying as her shoulders shook.

"I know but we need to figure some things out,"

"_I'm just kidding_," she stood up and wiped at her eyes. She smiled from her frown. "I was just kidding..." she smiled through her tears hoping he would change his mind. Dan titled his head and frowned.

"No Blair you weren't," Dan always called her 'Daisy' when she cried and Blair was painfully aware of this at the moment.

"Well can we just pretend that this didn't happen? can we just start over?" she sniffed.

"No," he shook his head. "Maybe I'll just go umm...get a hotel or..."

"No!" Blair grabbed his hands. "Dan, I didn't mean it. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm acting crazy...I don't mean it,"

Dan hated seeing her cry but he knew that they needed to step away from this and come back and talk when she was in a better state. "I'm going to go and cool down and we can talk later okay?"

"If you leave i'll have someone else's baby!," she retorted out of anger.

"...Blair," he shook his head before replying. "Have fun," he half nodded grabbing for his jacket. Blair screamed and told him that if anyone was leaving the apartment it was her. She threw on a pair of shoes, grabbed her cellphone and told the driver of her cab to take her to the one place where she could revert back to a time when Dan wasn't in her life.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXOX**

**FLASH-FORWARD A FEW YEARS **

Blair smirked looking over at her husband who was helping Nicky with some homework at the kitchen table. He had his coffee mug in his hand and leaned over to point things out to their daughter who was babbling on about something. Blair's eyes scanned Nicky's messy ponytail wondering if she should finally give in and get her haircut. Just imagining snipping off any of those bouncy curls saddened her but at four years old it was probably time for a trim. They didn't notice her starring and she found her attention landing on Dan wearing a black tank and sporting his regulation buzz cut that he would get once every few months. The day prior she teased him about his hair getting too long and she came home to her bald husband as always. There was no mid way point with him. If she said 'cut all that off' he would literally cut it all off just to aggravate her. The haircut paired with his wife-beater, that was cut much too low for a public outing, allowed for a significant peek at his tattoo. Days like these, Dan looked like anything but a writer. This man could recite beautiful poetry and write love letters, but today he looked as though he made a living fixing cars, or possibly stealing them.

"Morning," he side smiled seeing her observing him.

"Morning, " she returned as he stood and walked over to the counter. "You look like a criminal," she commented. Dan filled champagne flutes and topped it them with orange juice. She wondered what that was for but she was too busy watching him. Her eyes fell to his stomach and his hip just between the fabric of his shirt and pajama pants, the tan skin there beckoned her attention. "Thank-you," she leaned in to a soft and satisfying kiss as he held the glass out to her.

"Cheers," he held his out.

"...Cheers," she clinked her glass with his. "And what did I do to deserve mimosas?" she took a sip of her liquid sunshine. Dan shrugged.

"Just thought it would be nice," he said kindly.

"Good morning my sweetness," she leaned over and kissed Nicky on the head.

"Mummy!...mummmy!," she dropped her crayon and urgently hopped off her chair to push at Blair's hip. "This is Hunphrey brunch. You can't do it unless you're a Hunphrey!," She announced in sassy little voice.

"HUM-phrey," Blair annunciated. "What is a Humphrey brunch exactly?" her eyebrows raised.

"Uh,..." Dan shrugged looking at the table and Nicky. "We wear plaid and eat waffles," Nicky stuck out her tongue and nodded at his response.

"I see," she noticed Nicky and Dan were wearing matching pants. "Well I wish I could join but sadly I'm allergic to plaid and i'm not a Humphrey," Blair frowned lightly. Nicky retracted her tongue.

"Mummy you have to wait. This is for Humphrey people only," she pushed on her hip."Please drink your juice in the living-room," she shooed her.

"What?" she laughed lightly looking down at her four year old. "You are discriminating against non-Humphreys? that doesn't seem very Humphrey-like..." her eyes widened.

"Go!" Nicky put her hands on her hips causing Blair to laugh out loud again.

"Sorry, the queen has spoken," Dan explained. Blair clutched her mimosa close to her and mocked sadness.

"I thought I was the queen.." she asked sadly.

"Not in Humphrey land. Nicky is the queen and I'm her faithful knight,"

"HUMMM-Ppphrey!," Nicky stood on the chair and held her hands out.

"Your majesty would you please sit so I don't have to save you from your imminent fall?" Dan placed her waffles in front of her.

"Can't you extend an invite to an Upper class civilian? I'm good friends with your faithful knight," she gestured to Dan thinking she made a good case.

"No, he's your husband..." Nicky said dryly.

"Well all the more reason!" Blair pleaded her case.

"I told you we should have named her Nicole Brianna _Waldorf-Humphrey_," Dan shrugged.

"ahh too long," Blair shrugged sipping her orange juice and champagne.

"You are not following my ruuuules," her daughter sung with a toothy smile.

"Well, maybe you'll have to tell your knight to escort me out," she smirked.

"Mummy!," she groaned.

"Okay, i'm going," Blair slipped the newspaper off the kitchen table and headed for the living-room.

"You're going to let our four year-old dictate where you sit for brunch?"

"She's the queen," Blair chuckled. "If it's important to her, then it's important to me," she smiled and headed to the dining-room. Blair understood the monarchy well and she would not jeopardize her daughter's rules, they were obviously important to her. "But in what world would I be considered the commoner while the Humphrey name is royal?" she scoffed causing Dan to laugh.

"Ey ey ey,..." Dan turned to see Nicky taking a sip of his mimosa. "What makes you think you're allowed to do that?"

"I'm the queen," pouted sadly.

"Yeah well the queen isn't twenty-one," he removed his glass from in front of her. "Eat your waffles," he picked up Blair's plate and starred at the little girl. "You really want mommy to eat all by herself?" Dan asked with a tilt of his head. Nicky thought for a moment and tapped her chin. She jumped off her chair and headed to the dining-room where Blair was flipping through her magazine.

"Mummy,..." she shrugged up her shoulders and pursed her lips. "Come to the kitchen,"

"How generous of you," Blair smiled and leaned in to press a kiss on her soft cheek. She sat down at the table and looked at Dan with amusement as he poured Nicky orange juice into a champagne flute and topped it off with sparkling perrier.

"Be careful okay," he said seeing her bright and excited face that she too was allowed to have a special glass.

"Cheers mummy!" he lifted her glass with a tiny, adorable voice.

"Okay,..slow..." she tapped her glass gently then shook her head at Dan. He knew how expensive the glasses were.

"Do you have anything for me to read over today?" Blair asked setting down her glass and picking up her fork so she could dig into the hot, golden waffles in front of her.

"Uh yeah actually," he smiled knowing what she meant but instead slid the newspaper towards her and lifted his eye-brows. She glanced down and noticed Dan's name beside his latest book. He had made the best-seller list for the very first time.

"Oh my god!" her jaw dropped. "So that's why we're having mimosas!" she leaned over and kissed him. "Why aren't you more excited?...we should make reservations! oh maybe we could throw a party?"

"Poker night with Nina and Nate would suffice," Dan said modestly.

"Dan this is big!"

"No, it's at the very bottom of the list Blair...I could have easily been bumped off for a vampire love story,..."

"Stop discounting yourself!...this could go up multiple spaces by next week,"

It didn't. Dan's fourth book made it to the last spot on the list once and never reappeared. He didn't let it get to him. He started a new book and was determined to have it done by the time Blair set her foot back in the office. Instead of juggling both publishing and writing, he dropped his nine to five job in the stuffy office and spent a year writing. it was difficult to say the least. He always wanted to be out with Blair and Nicky, he wanted to spend days visiting museums and enriching their daughter's life with art and culture. But he needed to write so he'd often scheduled himself. From Monday to Friday he worked in his office from nine to four and only came out for the occasional lunch with his family or to refill his coffee cup. Without too many distractions of publishing deals and other business he was used to, he wrote quickly. A book was nearly finished when Nicky's fifth birthday was around the corner and Blair was heading back to work for the first time in years.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

Blair laid in her old bed as Dorota scurried around listening to Blair's orders. "Don't open the blinds I have a headache..." she pulled the covers up over her head. "I need a cold compress for my head and I wouldn't be opposed to you drawing a lavender bath for me,"

"Miss Blair,..." Dorota sighed fed up with the last week. "You full grown, married woman,...not little girl,"

"Well I might not even be a married woman in the next few weeks," she frowned under the covers.

"You and mister Dan had fight,..." she spoke carefully hoping Blair wouldn't snap at her. "Not break-up...just fight,"

"You weren't there Dorota!" she yelled pushing her covers off. "I've never seen him so serious,"

"You need talk with Mister Dan,"

"Don't call him that,..s'weird,"

"So, I call him Mister Lonely boy?" Dorota smirked.

"He better be..." she pouted and felt her bottom lip start to shake.

"Why are you still here?" Eleanor pushed past Dorota and stood at the end of Blair's bed. Blair pulled off the covers. "You need to get a handle on yourself and get out of this bed!" she held her hands out. "You are a grown woman,...you can't just come here whenever you fight with your husband," Blair pulled off her covers.

"He was the one that suggested we spend time apart,"

"Well I don't think he had it in mind that you lay in your childhood bed for a week and neglect personal grooming,...you look awful,"

"Thanks..."

"I mean it Blair!...When I get home after work you better be out of this bed," she turned and walked out.

"Miss Eleanor right,...need bath and _eyebrow wax_..." she said reluctantly. Blair didn't have any energy to get up she called in sick to work once again and laid in the tub. She called Nate later in the day and he told her that Dan had been busy all week.

"You're sure he's not lying in bed and neglecting personal grooming?" she rubbed one of her eyebrows.

"Uhmm?..."

"Any trace of a beard?" she fished for details.

"Um I think he shaved this morning,..." Nate chuckled. "Blair why don't you just come back here?"

"I can't," she wiped her forehead, said goodbye and hung up. When Eleanor arrived home Blair was dressed but was now laying on the couch in a fowl mood.

"I thought I told you to bathe..." Eleanor put her hands on her hips.

"I did,..." Blair sat up.

"Well go shower again if you're coming to dinner," she walked towards the kitchen and the smell of food floated into the air. Blair curled back up on the couch and cried. She looked at her cell-phone and hoped Dan would send her a message. She wiped at her eyes continuously when Eleanor walked back into the room and tapped her foot.

"Oh my god!" Blair yelled in anger. "I'm going!" she stomped up the stairs.

"I don't know what's gotten into you but you sound like a petulant child right now," she blinked as she watched Blair rush up the steps.

After Blair showered, she brushed her hair and put on makeup. As she stepped down on to the marble floor Eleanor froze in front of her.

"You know what Blair,..forget it," Eleanor sighed watching her daughter. "Just go back to bed. I'm having guests. I don't want to subject them to sitting at a table with a girl that seems to have contracted food poisoning,"

Blair's eyes widened. "I look like I have food poisoning?"

"You're gray..." Eleanor blinked at her daughter's complexion. "You're sweating profusely, you look much to tired for someone who's done nothing but sleep for a week straight..." A smile slowly spread across Blair's face.

"Blair?" Eleanor called out as the young brunette quickly ran up the steps and looked at her face in the mirror. Her mother was right, she was a strange colour. She felt her forehead and she was warm. Her heart seemed to beat faster and she quickly went to her cell-phone and called Nate.

"Nate,...is Dan there?"

"No he's been gone all day,"

"You have no idea where he is?" she felt her breathing get shallow.

"Not that he would tell me,...he's kind of secretive,"

"Umm,..." she shook her head to keep from sounding worried. "I'll call back later then..." as soon as she hung up her cell-phone chimed with an email notification. Usually they were from work and she'd try and dictate the office from over the computer. This email was not from work, it was not from her blonde best-friend, it was from her blonde ex best-friend.

_Didn't I tell you? _- **Serena**

The image attached was from Gossip Girl. Serena and Dan sitting across from each-other at a coffee shop. Blair felt her heart sink deep in her chest. She swallowed hard but the bile rose up in her throat, her legs tingled and she knew she was going to throw up. As she sat on the cold tile floor she knew she was pregnant. She had never felt like this in her life. It was a strange mixture of flu symptoms paired with mood swings that would have scared her old mood swings. It was definitely different from her first pregnancy but she knew, as she pressed on her breast and cringed at the tender pain, she knew. As she smelled the salmon dinner downstairs and threw up again, she knew. Quickly, after she pulled herself up off the floor she sat at her desk and pulled out a piece of stationary. She started the letter formally and addressed it to Serena. She cried the entire time she was writing the letter. She wondered what they talked about, she wondered how long they had been spending time together and she wondered why he didn't call her at all that week.

_Dear Serena,_

_I don't know where to go from here. I've done all I can do. I'm exhausted. Exhausted from dealing with you on a regular basis. You can't be in our lives anymore. I know i'm not one to beg but please please, stay away from us and leave us be. It seems as though you've moved on and just when I think you've moved past this, you come back and start all over again. Please stay away, remember the friendship we had and do me this favour. I'm telling you this before anyone else because it might change your mind about what you're doing, I'm pregnant. I need you to move on, not just for me and Dan but for the child we are about to have. This my family and I couldn't bare to watch you come back into his life and take him from me. Please find it in your heart to have mercy and leave us be. I know you feel betrayed but please don't do anything harsh, you know that this is my family now. He's my husband, and you need to stay away from him. I know we always talked about being friends forever and we'd never let a man come between us but we did. I don't regret that, and I never will. Do you ever just wonder if he was meant for me? you got your chance with him and I had my chance with him. I know you'll find someone else, so please don't come back for him. If he ever left me for you I don't know what i'd do with myself, please don't give him that option. He's mine._

She put on shoes and a light jacket then ran out to the mailbox. She was about halfway clutching her letter close when her heart leap in her chest and excitement so strong wouldn't allow her to keep from smiling.

"What cha doing?" Dan stopped in front of her.

"Umm,..nothing," she slipped the letter into her purse discretely and beamed. Somehow just seeing him standing there and smiling at her sheepishly let her know he was not involved with Serena. "What are you doing?" she bit her bottom lip and tried to stop smiling but it was proving difficult as he had been smiling at her.

"I,...was invited to a dinner," he gestured to Blair's mother's building. "My wife was supposed to be attending,"

"Well maybe your wife isn't hungry,"

"That's too bad. I really wanted to talk to her about something,"

"I can relay a message," she walked closer and smiled.

"Can you? it's kind of personal,"

"I won't tell anyone," she closed her eyes when he took her hands in his.

"Maybe I could show you,"

Blair nodded and followed Dan to his car. When she got in and sat in her 'jump' seat she sighed in contentment. This felt like home. She smiled as Dan's hand crept over and linked his fingers with hers. She was getting confused when she noticed they went over the Brooklyn bridge she was even more confused when he pulled up at an old antique store.

"I know you want to show me something but shouldn't we talk about,..." Dan walked and Blair followed.

"I want to show you something and then we can talk. Close your eyes," Blair did as she was told. "I have a lot of things to say to you and we really do need to talk but,...just open your eyes," When Blair opened her eyes she couldn't believe what she was seeing.

"Oh my god,..." she covered her mouth and walked closer to the round crib. "You found one!" she clapped her hands together. "Wait," she swallowed and her eyes met up with his. "You said you didn't want to have a baby with me..." she said in a soft voice.

"Well, I've been in a bidding war for this thing all week so I guess I was lying,"

"Aww, you went to an auction for me?"

"I did," he laughed at how much he'd changed by being with her, then pulled her close. "Oh by the way,...did you see that picture of me and Serena on gossip girl?" Blair bit her bottom lip and shook her head no. "I think she used a spotted map to locate me,..." Blair's brows raised and she wondered why she didn't think of that when she wanted to know where he was during the week. "Who even uses that anymore?...that's so high-school,"

"Oh I know..." she agreed with a nod.

"She just came and sat with me...," he made a face. "Started talking as if we were best-friends then I saw a camera flash...so I think she's still trying to mess with us...I was worried you might think I was actually seeing her,"

"I wouldn't think that. I trust you with my entire being,"

"Ditto," Dan smiled.

"Now can I apologize for being a total wingnut?"

"Blair Waldorf apologizing?...look how far we've come!"

"I know!...I'm like a whole new person," she tilted her head up and Dan lowered his gently and kissed her softly. "I'm sorry for being controlling and insane,..._something got into me_ and...I know now that I was being irrational. I just didn't have any control over my emotions,"

"I accept your apology," he nodded. "I'm sorry for suggesting we take time apart rather than fighting it out until we resolve things," they hugged and Dan pulled away with a small smirk.

"What?"

"I umm,...for fun I just applied to that publishing house that Jerry works for and I start Monday," he laughed. Blair blinked in total shock.

"You in publishing?" she looked apprehensive.

"I know,...I know,...but if we're going to have a baby I need to focus on writing and the best place for me to do that,... and have a steady income is publishing,"

"What will I do without you in the office?"

"What did you do before me?"

"screamed a lot,"

"I'm sure that will still work for you," he smiled and leaned in for another kiss.

The second time I found out I was pregnant, I didn't tell Dan right away. We had been fighting. Even after we made up I didn't tell him. I didn't want him to get too excited since I had lost a baby before. Nate was living with us then. He knew we were trying by this point. The little hearts on the calendar didn't lie and he was often around to ask us about our progress. Feeling pregnant today? he'd ask. I almost blurted it right out in front of Dan the one day. Nate caught me in a fit of morning sickness one day and I threatened to kill him if he told Dan. I wanted to surprise him and I was waiting for the perfect day to do it.

"Here," she stopped in front of him as he was preparing for dinner. He looked up from his colourful bell peppers, to see a little smile on Blair and a card in her hand.

"care to elaborate?"

"You mean celebrate?," her lips made the cute twisty smile he loved. She threw her bag on the couch and sat up on the stool across from him. "Now, this one is for you," she placed wrapped presents on the counter. "and the one in the blue wrapping paper is for your dad,"

"what's this ?" he looked at her confused.

"A present," Blair waited as it flew over Dan's head.

"I know but why?"

"Dan?...This is for you...today," a smile spread across her face. "What's today?" she asked.

"Sunday," he raised an eyebrow.

"I know you're a smart man Humphrey..."

"Father's day but why did you get me..." he laughed out loud realizing what she was saying.

"Wow, that took_ forever_..." she said dryly. "You can close your mouth now, you wouldn't want to catch any flies" Dan quickly walked over and leaned in for a kiss. she tapped him lightly on the nose.

"Apparently we're over achievers," he smiled.

"You have no idea..." she was about to tell him how far along she was but waited.

"This is perfect timing,..." Dan smiled.

"I know. I can't wait,...intelligently superior to all the other children," she threw her head back amused with her ideas.

"Wow,...i'm proud of us. That was like what five times?"

"twice," she swelled with pride.

"How?"

"Dan, i'm...," she felt herself start to get emotional. "I'm twelve weeks,"

"Who's the father?" he laughed. "Really?...so that crazy girl that greeted me when I came home from Chicago was already pregnant?"

"Yes," she laughed. "False negatives..."

"Well I wish I knew why you were being so emotional then...are you sure it's mine though?" he got comfortable with her.

"Well, based on the time i've spent with other men in this apartment,... law of probability would land the paternity on Nate..."

"God, that guy...impregnating all of Manhattan..."

"I don't think we should consider it a problem unless the child is born with blue eyes and a perpetual befuddled expression"

"Befuddled..." Dan scoffed. "Nate has more of a...discombobulated expression"

"No," she disagreed.

"Yes," he said.

"Well whatever his expression,...if the child has curls and lovely defined cheekbones we may take comfort in knowing he's your spawn..." she ran her hand up the side of his face.

"You think I have lovely cheekbones?"

"Mhmm, but don't let that compliment go to your head, remember where you came from,...Brooklyn..." she snorted.

"Oh, of course. Well if the kid is born with sharp tongue and likes to insult people for their area code,... I'd say they took after you"

"Oh really?"

"Or if it's a girl and she's..." Dan kissed her hand. "drop dead gorgeous...befuddling men's faces all over Manhattan..then I'll credit you for it" he nodded.

"befuddling isn't a word Humphrey," she said.

"Look it up Waaaaldorf," he taunted.

"I know that it isn't..." the words slipped from her lips sexily as she sat on top of him.

"Look it up,"

"I'm telling you that it isn't..." she nuzzled his nose with hers.

I'm telling you to _LOOK_ it up," his eyes finding comfort in hers.

"You really want me to get up right now?"

"If it means i'm going to win an argument,...yes"

"Fine," Blair stood and went over to her computer.

"So?" Dan smiled from across the room, his hands under his head. Blair closed the lid of her laptop and jumped back on him.

"Where were we..." she unbuttoned his shirt.

"Is befuddling a word Daisy?" he continued to lay casually.

"It doesn't matter does it?..."

"Kinda matters," he laughed as she kissed his neck. "Blair?,...is it a word?"

"...it's a word" she groaned against his neck with a small whine.

"and this has been a lesson in 'don't tell a writer he's wrong about words'..."

"Oh please! just a few months ago you tried to use the word GLORKS at scrabble!"

"There is a difference Blair..." he sung.

"Why? and how is there a difference?"

"I was cheating,"

"YOU WERE CHEATING?" she laughed.

"Let me explain myself...Nate was winning. Okay? Nate was beating me at SCRABBLE! at MY game. It's a game of luck anyway but still..." she rolled his eyes.

"You're pathetic!" she couldn't stop laughing. "wait, what did you tell him GLORKS were?"

"...uh...littlecocktailpickles.."

"WHAT!" she was laughing so hard now she couldn't breathe. "I can't believe you. You better not pass the cheating gene on to our child. I'm a person that takes great pride in my integrity," she smacked him on the chest and Dan suddenly stopped trying to defend himself.

"Oh yeah,...you're pregnant..." He forgot for a moment and linked both of his hands with hers.

"Yes,...i am" she shook her head wondering how he forgot so quickly. "and,...I don't think it's Nate's" she rested her head on his.

"Well the sheer law of probability..."

"...says that you are going to be a dad and i'm going to be a mom,"

"That's never going to sound normal...,"

"I know..." she thought for a minute. "Better be a girl..."

"Or what we'll sell him to a circus?"

"Hey, they are always looking for people to join..."

"This might sound crazy but I think we should keep our offspring..." he pretended to be thinking about it.

"Fine, but if it's male we'll keep trying until we make perfection,"

"Oh god, I can see us now we're going to have like twelve kids...Aaron and Laura 2.0..."

"My,...we are going to need a bigger apartment!" Blair joked.

"Or we could move to New Jersey!" Dan smiled widely and Blair looked disgusted.

"What have we done?" she sighed leaning her face against his.

"What? change your mind?" Dan laughed.

"ONE!,...boy or girl...one" she poked him on the nose.

"Oh you say that now..." Dan laughed.

"Just one," she said seriously.

"Okay," he smiled. "but this could be twins..." he smirked.

"Stop your mouth from moving Humphrey!"

"Hey,..." he pressed a kiss to her cheek. "How have your appointments been going?...I know last time you..."

"Perfect," she smiled. "Everything looks perfect," she grabbed for his hand.

When Nate made himself visible Dan and Blair gave each-other a knowing nod. "Wait,..." Blair stopped Dan from getting up to give Nate the talk they had been planning. "What if,..umm..." she squeezed his hand. "We can always downsize my closet..." she suggested with a gulp not ready to break Nate's heart.

"No," Dan shook his head. "Absolutely not. You deserve that closet. That is your dream closet,"

"We have to make compromises,..."

"Well we're not starting with that," Dan pulled from Blair and met up with Nate in the kitchen.

"We might need you to start looking for a new place," Dan said to Nate.

"Why?,...I knew this was going to happen...I thought we were going to be a trio forever!" he looked so hurt, Blair bit her lip.

"Well this apartment can't really handle a foursome,"

"foursome?" Peeking Nate's interest he looked up.

"Calm down!," Blair scoffed. "We don't want you to move out right now. We just need you to know that...we are multiplying," she smirked then looked over at Dan with pride.

"Like cloning?" a confused look crossed his face. Blair's face was frozen with how dumb and daft Nate could be sometimes. Dan looked over and thought it was entirely possible she was going to punch him.

"We're being fruitful..." Blair gestured for him to catch on. He stared blankly.

"I'm eating for two?" she waited for a response. "There is a bun in the oven,"

"What kind? like a pizza bun?"

"Why are we talking in metaphors? It's like speaking Chinese to Nate," Dan sighed. "Let's try that again in Nate-lish...,"

"What's Nate-lish" Blair asked.

"Basically talk to him like he is a small child or a golden retriever,"

"HEY!" Nate was offended.

"Natie," Blair began with a large smile spreading across her face. "There's a baby in my belly!,"

"Omigod congrats!" he pulled her into a hug.

"You were kidding just then right?..." Dan blinked. "You know we were trying to have a baby right?"

"I never know what you two are doing anymore. Have so many secrets,"

"So how do you want to tell your dad?" Blair asked.

"Let's not tell him,"

"It's father's day. That would be a nice present,"

"Exactly, father's day...not grandfather's day," he laughed. "Let me have this..." Dan said causing Blair to smile.

"Okay daddy," she kissed him.

Rufus and Jenny showed up for dinner and Dan put away his gift so no one would figure out the surprise they were keeping for another few weeks. Blair was exhausted and headed to bed while Nate and Jenny sat up until three am catching up.

Blair woke up an hour later she could hear Dan's breathing and Nate and Jenny mumbling in the living-room, she moved slightly and felt wrong. Her breathing slowed down and she willed herself to turn her light on. What she saw felt like a nightmare. Her pajama bottoms were soaked with blood and so was the bedding. For a moment she tried to get some composure before she woke Dan. Her hand laid on his shoulder gently and she pushed with the heel of her hand, her fingers limp. She swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to speak "_Dan._.." it was barely a whisper, the tears in her eyes and the overwhelming urge to scream was stifled by her shock. "Dan..." she pushed him again, her bottom lip shivering. Tears now found themselves on her face and her body shook, matching her lip. "_Daaaann_..." her voice was desperate and scary. Still pushing at his arm gently she said "_wake up_..." her hands were shaking, she really needed him to wake up. When she felt him shift she knew he was awake. "..._Dan?_" she knew her voice wasn't loud enough but it was all she could manage. Dan sensed something odd in her voice and he turned quickly to face her.

"What's wrong?" he asked knowing something was terribly wrong by her voice. His eyes darting around her tear stricken face-confused. She didn't have to explain when she lifted the comforter. "Oh Daisy..." Dan said with compassion and sadness. He popped up quickly as Blair rushed to the washroom. "Are you okay?" he knocked on the door with concern.

"Yeah,.." she sniffed.

"Let's go to the hospital," he rested his forehead on the door.

"No,...there is no point," Dan went over and stripped the bed quickly before Blair had to look at it.

"Come on sweets. Let's make sure you're okay," he knocked again.

She opened the door and Dan pulled her close. "We need to go to the hospital," she shook her head.

"I'd like to take you anyway," he kissed her cheek and grabbed her coat.

Our emotions went through a blender tonight because when we got to the hospital and a tech checked me she found a heartbeat. A healthy one. "Oh my god," I have never in my life been so happy lying in a hospital bed.

"Umm, well I have good news and bad," Blair was confused because she could see her baby. She could see it moving like it always had. Strong beating of it's heart.

"Bad news first," Blair closed her eyes. "always bad news first," Dan squeezed her hand.

"You experienced a threatened miscarriage probably due to some stress,"

"The good news is that this baby looks perfectly fine but you you're going to need to take it easy from now on,"

"Everything is fine? you're sure?"

"Good size, good heart beat," she smiled.

"I planned on staying at work until the week before my due date," Blair turned to Dan when the tech left the room for a moment.

"Stop," Dan said simply.

"I'm sorry, I just can't take it that easy...this is not going according to plan,"

"Enough, Blair it's enough,"

"What don't you understand about my nine month plan? Everything is ruined!"

"Let me put this into perspective for you...you almost lost your baby due to stress today and you're upset about leaving work?"

"Well when you put it like that..." she frowned. "Well what am I supposed to do for five months?"

"You're going to shop for maternity clothes and baby clothes, take birthing classes and decorate a nursery," he rubbed her hand. "you're going to read over my work as always and spend time with your mom. And we're going to go to the cottage over the summer and spend time with family, and you have a baby shower to plan..., is that enough?"

"Dan, you could have stopped at shop for clothes..." she smiled as he pulled her in for a kiss. The tech came back in and took another look at the monitor and laughed lightly. Dan and Blair both looked up confused at why she was laughing.

"Oh sorry it's just,...you're only thirteen weeks I can give you a pretty good guess to the sex if you'd like to know,"

"You can?" Blair was shocked.

"Usually I wouldn't be able to even guess but your baby wants you to know it seems. It won't be a hundred percent accurate but I'm about 98% sure as of now," she smiled. "Do you want to know?" Dan's head snapped around to see Blair's answer.

"We wanted it kept secret..." she reminded Dan who looked very eager to know.

"We can keep it a secret from other people..." he suggested.

**XOXOXOXOX**

**A/N: **I'm trying to write fast believe me but this is complex. The next chapter will dig deeper into Dan's issues and i'm going to try and make it the main focus paired with DB in present time. Thanks so much for your continued support without it i wouldn't be writing is any longer :) MUAH! xoxo.


	14. Good Life

**A/N:** WTF! I'm so beyond a coherent thought about that finale! MY LORD! I never imagined those writers could come up with something so illogical. How do those people function in the real world? I'm still not quite able to think about it. That's how they end it? As a fan that has watched every episode since the pilot,...i'm kind of offended and very very confused. ANYWAY...I'll try not to jump around too much here. I hope this chapter will give you some perspective on Dan and what he was going through to do something so unlike him, just the tip of iceberg here. I have received PMs that mention how OOC Dan is and I'd like to just remind you that this is just my fic. I'm not writing from the perspective of the show anymore. (Thank-god) I know he's not the person you would expect from the show but i've adopted these characters and if I make them do something I think i've written enough to justify it. I mean stranger things have happened on the t.v. show right? Bart came back from the dead for crying out loud! DAN IS GG!...Can't Dan develop a habit? hehe. I have been struggling with how I want to continue with this and I know you want more present moments so i'm going to start to build that up. This chapter was already written I just haven't updated in awhile because I have some serious stuff going on and writing is my only escape at the moment. Please ENjOY!

(**Good Life**)

By:One Republic

From: One Day

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**PRESENT**

Patrick called Blair in the morning to ask if she wanted to go to breakfast with him, she declined. Blair already had breakfast plans. When she hung up she went back to meticulously curling her hair and eyelashes before having a difficult time choosing an outfit.

Dan woke up every hour after Blair had left the apartment. He dreamt he missed his alarm and stood her up several times and his paranoia made sure his internal clock worked overtime. Finally when it was seven am he decided to shower, shave and throw on an outfit that made him look like he put in some effort. At eight am he impatiently woke Nicky and told her to get ready because they were meeting someone for breakfast at ten. They arrived early and Nicky was anxious about who would be joining them. Dan found it entertaining to keep the identity of the person a secret.

"Just tell me! I can't wait forever!" she said on the opposite side of the booth.

"Will you just be patient?"

"No," she retorted. "Is it uncle Nate because I don't really care?,"

"No it's not Nate,...oh here she comes now,"

"Good morning," Blair trotted up to the table.

"Mommy?" she looked up at Dan to make sure this is the person they were waiting for.

"We thought we'd have breakfast," Dan slid out of his side of the booth to let Blair in but instead she opted to sit beside Nicky. He actually liked this arrangement better because they were face to face. They found breakfast to be very casual, they talked about Nicky and school, they discussed reviews they read about shows in the paper.

"Grandpa is taking me to see that tonight!" Nicky exclaimed.

"Opening night? That will be nice," Blair smiled warmly.

"I wanted to go but apparently they planned this out awhile back and got tickets without asking me..." Dan eyed Nicky.

"It wasn't like we purposely meant to exclude you!," she promised. "We just didn't think to ask,"

"Yeah well that's fine i'll just sit at home and catch up on all the chick lit research i've put off," Dan groaned knowing the night was going to be dreadful. The server came over to their table and dropped off the bill. Both Dan and Blair grabbed for it.

"I got it," Dan smiled as his finger tips brushed hers. "I told you I was taking her to breakfast I'm not letting you pay for it,"

"Well at least let me pay for myself,"

"Do you think i'm struggling?," he laughed. "No. You are absolutely not paying for yourself," he tugged the paper out of her hand.

When everything was settled and their bellies were full, Blair mentioned she had to run to work that afternoon and take care of some business. She looked a little sad and Dan knew she was still bummed about not getting the position at Vanity Fair.

"We can walk you over," Dan suggested. Nicky agreed.

Blair's phone buzzed in her pocket, she pressed the button to shut it off immediately. Dan couldn't help but notice the screen that popped up. "Was that?..." his eyebrows raised.

"It was nothing,.."

"Blair Waldorf are you still receiving Gossip Girl blasts?" he scoffed with amusement.

"What's gossip girl?" Nicky asked looking up at her parents.

"An anonymous blogger who cyber stalked Manhattan's elite when your mom and I were in high-school. Needless to say we were both victims..."

Nicky laughed at his self-inclusion and Dan side-eyed her. "How come you never tried to find out who it is?"

"We did try,...she's sneaky,"

"Or he," Blair offered. "I for one always had a feeling your dad was Gossip Girl,"

"Meee?" Dan said in a high pitch.

"Well, you were the only one who was close enough to all of us to have the ammo. You also were the only person with enough resentment to release it,"

"Do you know how idiotic that sounds?"

"I'm just sayin'..." she smirked.

"Being 'Gossip Girl' would mean I was a sociopathic stalker,..."

"That's true," Blair thought. "You're a lot of things but I would never call you a sociopathic stalker,"

"Nate's my best-friend. I never liked you but I never hated you or wanted to ruin your life I was dating Ser..." he looked at Nicky and trailed off. "And she was targeted the worst so that would literally make me the creepiest and most unstable person in all of New York. Plus it would mean I ruined my own reputation a few times which would also peg me with a multiple personality disorder,"

"Well if it is you, you've done a great job in making people believe you're sane," she smiled.

"It's a talent of mine,...So anyway,...what are you doing reading GG?"

"I guess I have found the pleasure in the posts now that i'm no longer part of them,"

"Delete it,"

"Dan..."

"Don't propel evil,..delete it,"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**Flashback**

After taking one more sip of his black coffee, he opened his book bag to retrieve his laptop. He stole a glance at the view of children running around the playground, laughing and sometimes screaming in delight. Every now and then a scream was too loud or piercing to be anything remotely close to happiness. His head would snap up from the words he was typing, his train of thought would drop in an instant as he checked to see where the noise came from. He never wrote much at the park, he tried, everyday. He tried but he was too much like a hawk that couldn't keep his eyes off her. When he realized the scream did not come from his daughter he would go back to typing, desperately trying to grasp the words his mind was slowly forgetting. Crying started now, his eyes snapped up yet again, still it wasn't her. Surprised with himself today, he had written a full page, single spaced and it was good- at least he thought so as he read it over for the third time. His eyes glanced up hoping he didn't look away for too long, he didn't hear her coquettish laugh anymore and he consciously felt his heart quicken. "Nicky?" he stood not seeing her. "NIC!" he yelled louder.

"Daddy, I don't want to leave yet. We just got here!" she protested in her small voice as she made herself visible. "Do we have to leave?" bright doe-eyes shining up at him.

"No," he shook his head sitting back down at the picnic table. "We do not have to leave," he shut his laptop and stuffed it back into his bag. For the rest of the time in the park Dan just watched her play with the other kids and was forced to listen to the women gossip at the picnic table behind him. His cell-phone rang and he quickly answered.

"Hey you," he answered cheerfully but it was not returned. Blair inhaled through her nose indicating something was wrong.

"I need you to bring me my look-book and all the notes I have sitting on your desk!"

"Um,...okay, yeah I guess I can bring them to you," he stood up and started collecting his things.

"Dan I just created a disaster!"

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

**A Week Prior**

Their home was buzzing with caterers. A true socialite event was about to take place later that night and Blair was surprisingly casual about it. She walked around the apartment with Nicky on her hip and a phone pressed against her ear. "You underestimate me Nina," she laughed into the receiver. "Trust me there was no other option, now get yourself over here and be useful," she crossed through the foyer in her slippery tights and nearly dropped her daughter. "Okay, I have to get off the phone before I drop my most precious cargo. I'll see you in twenty minutes Nina," before Nina could protest, Blair hung up and found herself face to face with caterers.

"Mummy?" Nicky tried to get her mom's attention away from all the people that were causing the apartment to be loud and busy. Blair didn't hear her as she continued to give orders and absentmindedly handed the phone to Nicky.

"My god, you do everything don't you?" Lint walked in to see Blair multitasking.

"A busy life is a full-filled life," she said.

"Mummy?" Nicky tried again in a tiny voice.

"Yes, sweets?," giving her baby undivided attention she titled her head. Blair waited for a question but it never came as Nicky looked at her a smiled the sweetest, softest smile she had ever seen. Without a word, Blair cupped the side of her face and kissed her tenderly. A rush of more people entered through the elevator including Nina who carried three garment bags and lazily opened them and shrugged hoping Blair would just pick one.

"Oh I love that one,"

Everyone's attention turned to the door in the foyer that closed gently. "Is he trying to work though this?" Nina asked. Blair rolled her eyes.

"Fifth novel...," she sighed. "He's nearly finished and you have no idea how happy i'll be when it's done," Blair opened the door of Dan's office gently and peeked in. "I would really appreciate it if you'd put on your suit now."

"I already told you. I'm not coming out. I have to call Doug,"

"I just wish you would put a suit on now because once everyone gets here you'll be trapped,"

"Trapped?" he looked up at her confused as she hiked Nicky up higher on her hip.

"Dan, you're wearing track pants!...and do NOT make a joke about them being Yale track-pants i'm not in the mood,"

Dan shook his head back and fourth once she closed the door.

"You on a mission?" Nina asked watching Blair rush down the hall.

"I'm getting Dan a suit,"

"You're heading in the wrong direction,..."

"No it's in a garment bag hanging in the hall closet," more people entered through the elevator and Nina stopped Blair.

"Just go put on some shoes, and greet your guests. I'll get it,"

Blair put Nicky down and asked if she would help her with a big task. "You want to help me pick out shoes sweets?"

"Yes!"

"Okay, let's go,"

Blair and Nicky entered the pristine bedroom that Dorota probably cleaned from top to bottom a few hours prior. "What do you think? these ones or these ones?" Blair asked her to choose between two pairs. She read enough parenting books to know that children shouldn't be given too many options when it came to choosing things.

"These ones!" Nicky went straight for the pair at the bottom cube of the shoe shelf. Blair's eyes widened knowing those were certainly not the kind of shoes to wear when she had company. They were stripper heels with clear lucite bottoms and everything. They were for fun in the comfort of her own home, for her husband's eyes only.

"No. I don't think these are very,... _pretty_," Blair tilted her head to the side. "Maybe I have some nicer ones in here,..." Blair walked further into the closet and trailed her finger along the shelves hoping she could find a shiny pair that would appease Nicky's magpie taste. "Baby,..maybe there's a nice pair over here," Blair tried to get her attention. She could hear her crawl up on to the bed and hoped that she didn't make too much of a mess considering she might have to give a few tours of the apartment when all her guests arrived.

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"Are you a police?"

"Am I ...?" she turned to find Nicky holding a pair of handcuffs.

"OH!..." she rushed over and closed Dan's nightstand drawer hoping she didn't see anything else.

"Why you gots those?" she looked up innocently.

"...Nicky!" she said loudly in a happy coquettish voice. "Why I don't I just wear these ones!" she distracted Nicky and slipped on the lucite heels before escorting her out of the room and thinking about how they needed locks on their nightstand tables.

**XOXOXOX**

"Dan?" Nina knocked on the door then opened it carefully. "I brought you a suit,"

"Thanks..." Dan said sarcastically holding on to his cell-phone, about to make a call.

"Well yeah I deserve a thanks," she pull a pack of cigarettes out of the suit's breast pocket. "I just saved your ass,"

Dan closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair.

"You're smoking? you haven't smoked since..."

"I know, I know," he rubbed his eyes in shame.

"You know she's pretty amazing for putting this all together at the last minute,"

"And? it's not like she was required to throw a party to make an announcement,...I think an email would have sufficed,..."

"And the least you could do is put on a suit and join in,"

Five minutes later Blair appeared in the foyer in a sophisticated dress paired with the sluttiest shoes known to man. "What the f...," Nina stopped herself from swearing. "Who do you think you are? Courtney Stoddon?" Blair sighed.

"You modeling yourself after Shauna Sand?..no? Jenna Jaimeson?"

"Nicky picked them," she smiled widely showing her teeth.

"Oh, Blair,...you don't have to listen to her," she laughed.

"I know," she rolled her eyes towards the ceiling. "I just love how she lights up when she helps me,"

"Ready for this?"

"Of course,"

"Hey little thing!" one of the girls from the office entered the living-room and scooped Nicky up. Blair picked up a wine glass and clinked hers with Nina

XOXOXOXOX

Dan held his head up with one hand, the other holding the phone up to his ear.

"Do you understand what I mean?"

"Um,...yeah uh how,..." he scratched his eyebrow. "How is it similar to my last book?"

The story is not different enough to carry on now. It's been three novels, sooner or later you're going to have to come up with something drastically different or face the consequence of getting labelled as the next Nicholas Sparks who sometimes uses gritty crime underscores to hopefully stand apart but Dan,...I have to tell you, they don't stand apart,"

"Well my,...my wife really loved it," he realized how pathetic it sounded once he said it.

"Well, we don't,"

"Touche," Dan knocked his pen on the table.

"We're really sorry but we're not interested," Dan swallowed hard feeling huge rejection for a book he had been writing for over a year. A book he thought was good, just as good as the others that came before it.

"Oh yeah. No. Thanks for calling me back I really appreciate it," he pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and sunk down his chair until his head was resting on the desk. He had published four books with such a small agency there was never too much to show for it. Daniel Humphrey books were the kind you picked up in the airport. They weren't critically acclaimed, they rarely achieved spots on prestigious lists. They were easy beach reads or the kind you read casually over a vacation. Opening a new document he started typing before he completed a full sentence he heard Blair's laughter and glanced at the suit Nina brought for him.

"Dan!" Sara from the office smiled brightly as he shut the library door behind him. "I haven't seen you in forever. I keep telling Blair we need you to come back but I guess you're actually living the dream right?"

"Uhh,..," he smiled sheepishly thinking about the phone call he just had. "Trying," he nodded.

"Dan this is Ben," the men shook hands. "Dan used to be Blair's primary editor,"

"Oh nice," he nodded. "You don't work at Cosmo anymore?"

"Uh no i'm actually,..."

"Dan's a writer. You know Daniel Humphrey?" she sipped from her wine glass as Ben tried to recall if he had ever heard of him before.

"I'm not sure I,..." Dan could see Ben was uncomfortable.

"It's fine really,...my books aren't,..." he was cut off by Sara.

"You really haven't heard of him? his books have hit the best sellers list like,..."

"Once," Dan smiled sheepishly. "One of them hit the last spot once," he laughed now to break the ice.

"Maybe you should come edit again?" Sara suggested.

"It was nice seeing you Sara, do you know where Blair went?"

"I think she's getting ready to make a speech,..but really we already know why we're here,"

"That obvious huh?" he smiled and made his way through the crowd of people that had filled his home. He shook hands with some of the people he hadn't seen in awhile and was introduced to new people in the office as 'Blair's husband' Nicky was getting much attention as everyone wanted to talk to her or pick her up.

"How old are you?" Lee sipped on her wine and asked a shy Nicky who found herself in a stranger's arms.

"Three,...almost four," she answered shyly. As Dan passed by Nicky grabbed for him and he easily took her from the strange person. Dan kissed her forehead and walked them towards where Blair was clinking her glass and getting everyone's attention.

"Daddy what's she doing?" she asked.

"Watch,"

"Hello everyone," she beamed over the sea of people. "I think most of you have figured out why I asked everyone to be here tonight. Yes it's a party but more importantly,...I just wanted to be the first person to tell you,...," she closed her eyes and smiled widely. "I'm coming back!" there was a burst of conversation now. Some people hooted at her, some people cat called, some clapped. "In two weeks I will regain my position and Nina will go back to her respectful but underling career as a writer," she joked. Nina laughed out loud and made a gesture to show how grateful she was that she no longer had to have the high pressure position. "To the old staff, I hope you're ready to go back to my standards, and to the new staff,...well until then, let's have a good time! Have fun, make yourself at home,"

Blair talked to a few people that approached her as Dan and Nicky made their way through the crowd. Her eyes moved from the guests and settled on her husband. She smirked and looked him up and down. "Nice suit," she bit her lip amused that he actually put it on.

"Nice shoes," he blinked.

"I'll have you know everyone thinks i'm making some kind of statement. it's working," she looked down at them.

"Always worked for me,"

"Easy," she pushed on his chest.

"Seems like everyone wants you back," he smiled.

"Well it'll go smoother once I get there. It's much more organized when i'm in charge," Blair ran her hand over Nicky's hair. "Are you sleepy?" she asked adoringly.

"No," she shook her head making her curls bounce before she laid her head on Dan's shoulder.

"Yes you are," Dan nuzzled her a little and she made a soft irritated groan.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**A week Later**

"Oh no what happened?" he asked as he packed up his laptop and tried to gesture for Nicky to come over.

"I screwed up," he could hear her voice shake. "I have to sift through the entire mock up and try and salvage an entire September issue because I skipped ahead to October!"

"How in hell did you manage that?" Dan's jaw dropped. The old Blair would have never let that happen.

"Do you know how many people have said that to me today? I don't need that from my husband!" she yelled. Dan pulled the phone away from his ear as she reamed him out.

"I'll be there with your look-book in twenty minutes okay?"

After Dan had dropped off Blair's look-book he headed home and received another phone-call asking him to walk Winston's because she didn't do it that morning like usual. Dan told her that he already walked him because the dog scratched at the door and woke him up. She sighed in relief and told him she would be extremely late and not to wait up for her because she would be taking a cab home. Sadly this is how the entire week turned out. And on Saturday Blair spent the entire day at the office fixing her own mistake.

"Can you come pick me up now?" Blair asked starring at the clock in her office that read eight o'clock on the dot.

"I thought you were taking a cab home..."

"I felt bad about everyone having to stay late because of me..." she inhaled. "So I bought everyone dinner. I don't have any cash on me,...I don't have any money on me at all actually,"

"That's not like you,..."

"I know I usually have my credit card,"

"No, I mean feeling bad about something enough to buy everyone dinner," he smirked into his phone as he took a seat on the edge of the tub.

"Shut it. Come get me. Today has been the longest Saturday of my life,"

"Uh,..." Dan looked over at Nicky who's hair was standing on end with shampoo. "Bad news. I'm currently unavailable but I happen to know there is a great method of transportation just outside your office and the amazing thing is,...it only costs two dollars and fifty cents!"

"Yeah right. Don't make me laugh,"

"C'mon Blair. I have Nicky in the tub,"

"Dan, I've never taken it by myself..." she said in a small voice-a scared voice. Dan looked over at Nicky who was covered in bubbles.

"Give me a half hour?"

"Half hour? I'm exhausted!"

"Did you not hear what I said? Our daughter is in the tub. We're somewhere between wash, rinse and repeat..."

"CONDITIONER!" Nicky yelled.

"You heard the girl...she's got a whole five minutes of wait time,"

"Dan..."

"Blair, you're the one that always told me if you're not going to wait the five minutes then don't bother,"

When Dan hung up the phone he turned his attention back to Nicky who was focused on washing her Barbie's hair. "Quick cover your eyes," she smacked her little hands over her face and Dan poured water over her head to remove the conditioner.

"Daddy, that's not nearly long enough!," she warned him.

"It'll have to do. We have to rescue mom from work,"

"Rescue her?" her interest was peeked as Dan scooped her up out of the tub and placed her on the fluffy rug so he could wrap her in a towel.

"Wanna go on an adventure?"

"YES!" she said immediately. When she was dressed and her hair was blow dried, Dan bundled her in a peacoat and plopped a beret on her head.

"What took so long?" Blair asked, her arms crossed as Dan and Nicky casually walked into the foyer of the building where Blair was waiting. Nicky lifted her hand straight in the air to show her metro card.

"You didn't," Blair looked mortified as she riffled through her purse looking for hand sanitizer

"Oh c'mon..." Dan threw his head back.

"Come here," Blair bent down and slathered Nicky's hands with strong, alcohol smelling, disinfectant.

"A little dirt didn't hurt anyone," Dan commented.

"A little whooping cough did," she sung as she glared up at him.

"We're not taking the subway home. Please tell me you have your credit card," she rolled her eyes as they exited the office and began walking down the street.

"I don't," he saw Blair's face drop. "Relax, I have some cash on me," he pulled his wallet out and turned to Nicky. "You know how to hail a cab Nic?"

"Like this?" she held her hand up.

"Look at you!, you're an expert," he commented as Blair snatched his wallet out of his hand. "Hey!," he exclaimed.

"You have hundred dollar bills?...since when do you carry around hundred dollar bills? Were you planning on going to a strip club?" she said with distaste as she fingered through his bills, Dan grabbed it back and stuffed it in his back pocket.

"What's a strip club?" Nicky asked still trying to hail a cab.

"Yeah mom what's a strip club?" Dan asked with a smirk. They walked a little further down the street, Nicky with her hand straight in the air, Dan placed his hand on Blair's back, "_Strip club_." he scoffed with a nuzzle.

"You find us a cab yet sweets?" Blair asked.

"No." she turned to show her huge eyes wide with determination.

"I'll call one," Dan pulled out his phone.

"No," Blair touched his forearm. "Let her do it," she liked watching her take this task so seriously as she walked ahead of them. Cabs continued to drive by and Nicky was getting frustrated.

"Why!," she said in her tiny voice full of concern, "...why do they jussss drive by?" her mannerisms matched Blair's to a tee while she shrugged with irritation and rolled her eyes at the sky. Dan couldn't help but smile at her, she looked so much like her mother.

"They're full baby," Dan told her that it had nothing to do with her cab hailing skills and to keep trying.

"So did you write anything?" Blair asked as they stood at the edge of the curb.

"Yeah a ton...between the two trips to your office to bring you the things you forgot, Nicky's play-date at the park, dropping her off at piano lessons, picking her up, making dinner and giving her a bath,"

"I'm sorry," she frowned.

"It's fine. It was your first week back, I didn't expect to get too much done anyway,"

"First week," Blair scoffed. "It's a Saturday!" she sighed.

"Well someone screwed up," Dan smirked. Blair gave him a death glare.

"I didn't mean that. You just need to find your groove again,"

"What's that man doing?" Nicky pointed at gentleman who was trying to sleep on a park bench," Dan looked over and pressed his lips together. Blair was at a loss for words as she walked closer to her daughter moving her away from the man's direction. "Mummy?" she squeezed Blair's hand.

"Umm,..." she looked to Dan.

"He's sleeping," Dan said simply as they continued to walk along the street.

"Why is he sleeping outside? why doesn't he go home to sleep?" she looked back at him even though Blair was trying to move her along.

"Umm, well that's because he doesn't have a home," Dan answered honestly.

"Why not?" she was very confused.

"Don't know," Blair said softly. This seemed to further her confusion, how was it possible that there were people in the world that didn't have a home?

"Why can't he just buy a house?"

"He doesn't have the money sweetheart,"

"Why not? why can't he just use his card to buy a house?" Nicky asked with her huge doe eyes sparkling up at them. Blair realized Nicky must have seen her swipe her credit card thousands of times.

"because he..he doesn't have job," Dan answered.

"Why?"

"We don't know sweets," Blair smiled at her softly hoping she knew they didn't have all the answers for her.

"He doesn't have enough money to live in a house?" her eyes squinted. They could see she was working really hard to understand how that was possible.

"No,"

"But we do?," she looked up at both her parents, her beret slightly crooked. "...how much money do we have?"

Dan looked to Blair not sure how to answer that, "..._Enough_," he said softly causing Blair to gulp. Nicky's innocence saw the world in a light that was beautiful and ideal, he couldn't walk away from the man now. Blair wasn't surprised when Dan pulled put his wallet and walked over to the man on the bench. Blair pulled Nicky up into her arms as Dan went over and got the man's attention.

Suddenly Blair didn't seem to have a problem taking the subway, she took comfort in knowing she was very blessed and this little trip was going to be lovely because they were all together. "Excuse me," the man turned to face Dan.

"I want to give you this," he held the hundred dollar bills out to the man, " I'd like to think you use it in the best way possible,"

"Well,...," the man began to smile. "That's very generous of you. Thank you very much,"

"Thank the little girl," Dan gestured. The man waved and Nicky beamed brightly warming Blair's heart and squishing her cheek against hers.

All snuggled up, they cuddled together on the subway car to keep warm. Blair spoke French to Nicky, running her hands through her freshly cleaned hair with affection.

"So now you're not going to talk to me?" he found it somewhat amusing that he didn't understand his wife and daughter. It was like they had a language of their own; a secret club. Blair linked her hand with Dan's. "Je t'adore ma chérie," she leaned in and kissed him. Dan smiled goofily and offered a little of his own french.

"voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?," he shrugged with wide eyes.

"I have a headache," she deadpanned before they both laughed out loud.

"Nicky what did you and daddy do today?" Blair asked.

"We umm,..."

"en français," Blair smiled.

Before they made their way home Nicky had drifted to sleep. Blair's lips rested against her forehead.

"I'm sorry I made you take the subway. I know you had a long day,"

"It's fine," she rested her head on his shoulder. "I screwed up royally this week...," she said as the subway car came to a stop.

"It's going to take a little while to get back into the swing of things," Dan got a good hold on Nicky before standing. "You've been a stay-at-home mom for years. I know you don't like to realize this but ruthless editor Blair isn't going to come back over night. You have to ease into it. It'll come back,"

"I was supposed to take care of everything. You were supposed to spend the week writing and all you did was help me clean up my mess,"

"So?...we're going to have days like that. We're busy people," he reminded her as they walked up the subway steps and found themselves in their upper crust neighborhood.

"Maybe it's too soon for me to,..."

"Don't say that. You can work and I can write,"

"It's just,..." she yawned.

"Just think about how you can sleep in tomorrow,"

"I can't." she smiled. "There's a Humphrey breakfast. I was cordially invited," she smiled.

"Were you?" he laughed. "I think there's a chance it can be turned into a brunch," Dan nodded. The elevator doors opened and Winston jumped down off the couch. Dan let out a laugh, they had never caught him on the furniture before.

"Winston what are you doin' man?" Dan laughed.

"I do not have the energy to explain that the couch is off limits...I think you know that mister," she crouched down and gave him a scratch before kissing his head. "Hi baby," she scratched behind his ears. "How bout you sleep in our bed tonight?"

"No,..no...no," Dan walked past them to put Nicky in her bed. Blair followed behind him and helped with the sheets. He threw some stuff animals to the side and gently placed her on the bed. Blair pulled the covers up and she shifted just slightly as Winston got up on the bed.

"Get down,"

"Dan!" Blair growled in a low voice. "Be nice to our fur baby,"

"Since when has he been allowed to sleep on beds? you're just feeling guilty,"

"So what if i'm feeling guilty? I've been the worst mom to him this week," she pet him and Nicky shifted.

"Dan have I been a bad mother to _her_ this week?" she asked quietly.

"Bad mother?" his eyes squinted. "No. No not at all,"

"Have I been distant?"

"No, you've been fine. You're just busy and she knows that,"

"Our baby is going to be four soon," she frowned a little. "Starting kindergarten in a week. Can you believe it?," her eyes were big and sad.

"Let's have another," Dan smirked.

"Ha..." Blair gave him a little smack on the arm. "The ease with which you say that is alarming,"

"I'm not taking it off the table,"

"Please don't..."

"I was kidding Blair,"

"No you weren't,"

"Of course I was. I would never actually suggest that,"

"I'm going to throw her a party the weekend after her birthday," Blair changed the subject. "Since I am apparently incompetent, will you remember to send Brianna roses? "

"Yeah, I will," he nodded. "A dozen pink right?"

"Yeah and a picture of Nicky in the card," Dan nodded remembering.

"Hey," he placed his hands on her face. "I'm sorry,"

"For what?"

"For this week," he laughed. "It's going to get better. I promise,"

As Blair slipped into bed she noticed Dan was looking contemplative. "Something wrong?" she swung her legs under the covers.

"Umm,..no," he wasn't very convincing.

"Tell me," she laid down facing him.

"uh,..." he pressed his lips together then threw his hands in the air. "They don't want my book," he laughed as he said it.

"Oh Dan,..."

"It's not going to be published,"

"You've been writing it for over a year," she stated.

"I know that," he sighed frustrated. "Time spent on it means nothing. They aren't publishing it,"

"Well maybe if you rework it.." she offered.

"no it's dead. The characters are boring. The premise is cliche. My writing style is redundant and my inspiration is lacking,"

"Don't be so hard on yourself," she shook her head. Dan starred straight at Blair before speaking.

"Thats what Doug told me Blair," his eyes rested on hers. "That's what everyone thought,"

"Well,..." she rested her hand on his face. "Maybe you just need a break,"

"Yeah," he turned away from her.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

Dan overheard the congregation of women behind him talking about Nicky. He expected as much, she was new to the playground and all their children seemed to become fast friends with her over the last week. Biting his lip to keep from smiling too wide when he heard them saying sweet things about her.

"What a beautiful child..." one of them said watching her play with the others. "How adorable is she?"

Dan inhaled before turning to them. "Thank you. I wish I could take some credit," he laughed lightly. "any credit at all really. Oddly, she looks like a carbon copy of my wife," he smiled looking past her and seeing Nicky laughing heartily with her new found friends.

"Oh!, she's yours?"

"She is," he nodded proudly.

"I was just admiring her jacket, where can I get one?"

"uhh,...You can't," Dan laughed sheepishly. "...my mother-in-law is a designer. She makes smaller versions of my wife's clothes for her," he laughed. "It's actually silly really,"

"Do you want,..." one of the women offered. "Would you like to come sit with us?"

It didn't take Dan very long to become good friends with these women. He became a celebrity of sorts as he was the only man in the group and thus a novelty. "I'm telling you,...Judy Blum taught me everything I know about women," they all laughed loudly.

**XOXOXOXOX**

"Do you have anything for me to look over today?" Blair asked with a soft smile. Dan averted eye contact. Pushing his scrambled eggs around his plate he shrugged a little and poked his cheek with his tongue.

"I might have,..." he shook his head and sipped from his coffee mug. "There might be something..." she could tell by his tone he didn't want to talk about it.

"Do you have writer's block?" she asked with concern in her voice.

"Nnnn...n, just..." he mumbled some incoherent words and turned to Nicky. "Food is for eating not building," he commented on her stacked breakfast. "What is that? stone henge?" Nicky laughed heartily.

"Maybe you could try to go to the park today or something?...maybe that would help?"

"I go to the park everyday I don't see the difference," his eyes were still fixed on Nicky's stacked waffle pieces in little piles.

"Well there is, you usually have a four year-old with you,"

"One day isn't going to make a difference Blair," he looked down at his breakfast.

"Well it could be a start. Maybe you could get an outline going?"

"You really want me to write a book don't you?" he looked up at her.

"I only want what you want for yourself Dan," she laid her hand over his. Dan pulled his out from under hers.

"Well right now I want to have breakfast with my family without talking about books so can we please do that?" he looked up at her.

"Of course," she attempted a smile.

"I lub books," Nicky sung.

"and I love that you love books," Dan smiled.

"Daddy wrote me a book!" Nicky announced to Blair.

"He did?" she smiled happily. "When did you write her a book?"

"It's more like a story," he shrugged. "I just kind of,...wrote it while at the park,"

"What's it called?"

"PICKY NICKY!" Nicky answered before Dan could.

"Well that is an excellently accurate title," Blair laughed seeing how particular her daughter was.

"May I be 'scused?" she said politely in her small voice.

"_EX_cused and yes you may," Nicky hopped off her chair and headed to her room.

"Maybe you should try and get 'Picky Nicky' published," she smiled resting her hand in her palm.

"I don't know. I wrote that just for her," he didn't seem interested in this idea.

"Honey, it's been two months and all you haven't written so much as a paragraph,"

"Honey," Dan scoffed, standing and collecting the plates from the table. Blair took a deep breath and followed him to the sink.

"What?" she threw her hands up in the air. "What's wrong with 'honey'?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong with it. My wife calls me 'Dan'. Sometimes she calls me 'Daniel', sometimes she calls me 'Humphrey'. When she's been drinking she will occasionally call me 'baby' or 'Humps' or even 'sweetie' but she never calls anyone 'Honey' unless she's insulting them,..."

"Dan,..."

"No, it's true don't try and tell me otherwise," he starred at her. "It's patronizing,"

"I just mean, if you're having a hard time writing maybe I could..."

"What? you could leave work? we're not talking about that again,"

"I told them I wasn't ready to come back yet,"

"She's four," Dan said dryly. "She doesn't need her mother to stay at home," he loaded up the dishwasher.

"She doesn't need her father to stay home either Dan,"

"I don't want to keep doing this. I'm so frustrated," he turned on the tap harshly and gently added the champagne flutes to the water. He was still confused at why she decided they needed mimosas this morning, there was nothing to celebrate.

"Doing what?" she gulped hoping he wasn't referring to staying at home with Nicky.

"We can't prioritize one career over another. We have to be equals. Ever since Nicky, one of us has been at home. She's pretty self sufficient if you haven't noticed. We can both work,"

"What are you saying?"

"I want to get back into publishing," Dan had worked in publishing for about a year until he left to deal with some personal matters. The personal matters thing turned out to take longer to iron out than expected and later on he found himself inspired to write again and didn't need the security of a 9 to 5 job.

"Really? you want to do that again?"

"Yeah," he smiled. "I never thought i'd like it but I did...and if i'm suddenly struck by inspiration I can always write. If there's ever a commission I can consider it...," he bit his lip. "I just want to feel like I contribute. The last book I wrote was so long ago..." he sighed.

"It won't be your last," she rested her hand on his shoulder blade and smiled. Dan nodded with a sudden restoration of faith.

"Hey, can you hand me the L'octaine shampoo? It's the only option when washing Riedel," he mocked her. Blair giggled and leaned in for a sweet eskimo kiss.

"For a moment I thought you wanted to try your hand at teaching..." she spoke with distaste while helping him wash the glasses.

"Oh the horror..." Dan scoffed with amusement. "I will teach someday. That's a promise,"

"Never say that again..." she shuddered.

"C'mon!"

"If you want to teach so badly, go teach our child Shakespeare,"

"That's not a bad idea,..."

"I'm just not sure Winston will sit still long enough to,..." Dan swatted her butt with the dishtowel and she giggled.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOX**

The next Saturday Blair got Nicky ready for play-group.

"Hold on sweetheart,..." Blair struggled to keep up with her daughter. Her heels were getting stuck in the grass. "Oh yes, ok..." she waved her off seeing that she wanted to play with her friends on the jungle gym. Blair sighed loudly, watching her and hoping she didn't pick up any flu causing germs. She approached the bench full of women pondering the last time Nicky had a tetanus shot.

"Hello," Blair held her bag in front of her and greeted the women at the park bench formally as Nicky ran off to play with her friends.

"Hi, can we help you?" one of the women looked up.

"I'm,.." she swallowed looking at their clothing and knowing that despite Dan's swearing that all their kids were going to New York prep come September, they were all dressed like soccer moms. Pretty enough, most wore simple gold earrings and decent double breasted jackets but Blair knew not a single one was designer and Nicky's wardrobe that day probably cost more than anything at the entire picnic bench. "I'm Blair Waldorf," she smiled looking around the faces and trying her best to be polite.

"Blair Waldorf?" the blonde at the table was trying to rack her brain.

"Who?" one of them asked the other.

"OH! right!...Dan said he wasn't joining us this week. are you Nicky's nanny?" the brunette with the bob asked.

"Her what now?" Blair's eyes grew huge, her jaw tightened. "_I'm her mother._.." her lips formed a hard line.

"...We're so sorry,...you're last name just threw us off. Take a seat," she offered. Blair carefully sat herself on the bench noticing it wasn't that dirty.

"You and Dan are married right?" one of the women asked. Blair's eyes shifted around wondering if these women were living back in time.

"_Yes_," she answered rather rudely. She lifted her left hand to show them her rings and proceeded to explain that just because she didn't share his name didn't mean she was not married. Also that they lived in a world that was patriarchal enough without her adopting the name of her husband.

"Umm when did you say Dan was coming back?" Gillian tried to asked without being too rude.

"He's not,..." there was a silence over the table now. "He umm,..he went back to work and I'm taking time off until she starts full time school," she nodded. "We're probably going to hire a nanny once she's settled and in a routine," The table fell silent and Blair felt uncomfortable.

"I guess we should have snack time now," one of the mom's got up to break the tension. Blair looked around as all the women pulled snacks out of their bags. Blair didn't have anything, she planned on taking Nicky out for a nice bistro lunch a little later and never thought to bring snacks. "If you didn't bring anything,...Nicky can share goldfish with Lucas," Gillian smiled.

"Does Dan usually brings her snacks?" Blair asked quietly.

"..." Ashley chuckled. "Dan is very prepared," the women laughed as if they were in on some inside joke and Blair smiled sarcastically.

"What does that mean?..." Blair shrugged. "I'm taking her to lunch later so..."

"Well it would be unfair for her to not have a snack while everyone else is so it's fine,..I brought plenty,"

"So how did you and Dan meet?" Julie asked Blair once the kids went back to playing.

"We knew each-other in high-school and we went to the same University,"

"Really? what University?"

"Yale," she said proudly.

"You two went to Yale?"

"But Dan doesn't seem..."

"Smart?" Blair put up her defenses. "I'll have you know my husband is brilliant,"

"No...no..no, I just meant he doesn't seem like someone who went to an Ivy league. I know people that went to Ivy leagues and they are more like,..." she looked at Blair and stopped talking.

"I'm not sure I understand what you're saying,"

"I'm sorry i'm just a little confused about,..."

"About what?" Blair blinked.

"I'm just surprised you two are married. Dan is so...and you're so..." Heather began.

"What is that supposed to mean?," she smiled trying to conceal her anger.

"Heather,...opposites attract," Ashley commented.

"We're not exactly opposites. Dan and I have very similar tastes,"

"I don't think so,..."

"I'm sorry,...I wasn't aware you knew my husband better than I did," Blair smiled sarcastically.

"I didn't mean anything by that. You're just not what I expected,"

"And what pray tell did you expect exactly?"

"Bubbly perhaps? Dan is such a sweet guy I assumed you were alike,...I also assumed you were blonde,"

"Blonde?" Blair rolled her eyes wondering where that came from.

"Oh it was just something we noticed about Nicky,...her hair has some highlight to it,...we just speculated that one of her parents was probably blonde,"

"...it gets like that in the summer," Blair gulped wondering why these women were being so rude to her.

**XOXOXOX**

"Never go to play-dates Dorota! the women are rude, frumpy and stupid!" she yelled at her maid.

"Miss Blair,..." Dorota groaned. "What you do now?"

"I did nothing! I was perfectly kind and considerate to those witches!"

Dan walked in the door as Blair started giving Dorota the play by play of the afternoon.

"I want your name and I want it now!" Blair rushed up to her husband who was dressed in a casual suit with a messenger bag slung over his shoulder and a coffee in hand.

"Whoa...what's wrong?" Dan sipped from his coffee cup.

"She your problem now," Dorota grabbed her laundry basket and continued down the hall.

"They asked if I was her nanny..." she seethed. Dan covered his mouth so he wouldn't spit coffee everywhere.

"What about my outfit says 'I take care of people's children for a living'?"

"Nothing," he chuckled walking closer.

"Does she not look exactly like me?" he took hold of her hips and pulled her close. "Tell me the truth,...does she look like me? everyone says that but does she really?"

"Yes," Dan nodded.

"Dan they said they were surprised that you were married to someone like me."

"They didn't," his eyes widened.

"Piped right up and asked how on earth did we meet..."

"God, how rude were you?"

"Dan!" she shoved him a little.

"Well you must have done something to deserve such a question,"

"Dan is so...and you're so..., what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"What did you say?"

"Well I suppose I wasn't particularly nice when they asked if I was her nanny. One had the audacity to ask me when you were coming back..."

"What did you say?"

"I said he's not and they all frowned! what do you do give them oral on the park benches?"

"Blair!" Dan laughed hoping Dorota didn't hear that. "I'm nice,"

"There's gotta be something else,"

"Why because it's hard for you to believe that people might like me?"

"I've seen 'Little Children' Dan..."

"The movie?" he laughed.

"Maybe Gillian is your Kate Winslet...that's all i'm saying,"

"You're being silly," he discarded his coffee and put his bag down before pressing a kiss to her lips. "Next week just try being yourself. You don't have to impress anyone," he headed to their bedroom and Blair followed.

"I see them judging me,"

"Why would they judge you?"

"I don't know," she shrugged as he sat down on the bed and pulled her close.

"Dan,...Dorota is here," she said softly but didn't really want him to stop as he pulled at her tights.

"Why would they ever get to judge you?" his hands glided over her body and she sighed happily. "...you're the prettiest, you have the best career and your kid is the smartest," he continued working at her clothes.

"She is?" Blair perked up.

"Hell yeah,"

"You're not lying to me?" she purred as her ran his hands up her legs.

"I would never,..." he kissed her thigh. "lie about the intelligence of our daughter," he kissed her hip bone and Blair purred louder. When he kissed her midsection her eyes flew open.

"Stop," she pushed at him. Dan looked up and frowned making her laugh lightly. "Just not there,...it's all I can think about..."

"Okay, what about here?"

"Oh...well that's nice...," she closed her eyes. Dan gently pushed down the strings of her panties and kissed her again closer to where she wanted him to be. "What about there?"

"That's nice too," she smiled dreamily.

"Just nice?,...what about here?"

"Ooooo, there, definitely there,"

**XOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOX**

Blair went to playgroup with her head held high the next week. She and Nicky were dressed alike and she brought them a healthy snack of pita bread, hummus and veggies. Everything went just fine this day until the women started talking about their pregnancies, Blair first sat tight and was quiet listening to the individual stories. One started discussing her cravings, Blair laughed thinking about how she only ever wanted to eat dessert but forced herself to eat healthy for the baby's sake. Dan told Blair to socialize so she talked, describing her cravings for cupcakes and french macrons. When the conversation switched to breast feeding Blair looked away. She wished they would change the subject as they all went on and on about people who didn't breast feed and how they could ever deprive their children of the most natural nourishment. Blair snapped a carrot in half and ate it politely, chewing slowly and with her mouth completely shut. The women continued talking about their husbands now. Angie recalled on a memory of her husband's scared face as she reamed him out for bringing home the wrong brand of soap.

"He thought I was nuts..." she smiled. Gillian started talking about her husband and made it quite clear why they had been divorced for three years now. Blair sat up straight and beamed knowing she had stories that could top all of theirs. She knew that her designer clothing and status didn't impress these women but she did have something that they might be jealous of.

"Well Dan was unbelievably amazing to me while I was pregnant..." Blair sighed wondering which story she should tell first. She looked up to see all the women frowning. Blair cleared her throat wondering why the grim faces. "This one time,..." she smirked but before she could continue she was interrupted.

"Um Blair,..." Gillian cleared her throat. "Dan told us about..." she trailed off and looked at the women.

"About what?" her eyes pierced Gillian's, she felt her throat close up and her heart start to pound.

"Well Dan,...," she trailed off. "and the whole...Nicky thing...," she looked at the other women. "We know about her,"

"Well, that's..." she chewed on her lip feeling her eyes prick.

"Really we were just sharing stories so you don't have to lie sweetie,"

"Lie?" she blinked confused.

"It's not for everyone," Heather smiled and Blair knew what Dan told them.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Dan walked into the living-room to find Blair starring out the enormous window wrapped in her blanket. "Hey," he approached closely and tried to kiss her but she didn't want to kiss him back.

"You just think you can tell people?" he noticed her eyes were full of tears.

"Tell people what?"

"You told them about Nicky? and about us! intimate details about us!" she yelled angrily.

"Blair, we were just talking and swapping stories,"

"Why does that make it okay?" she cried. "You lied,"

"Blair, why is it such a big deal? people know! a lot of people know!,..our friends our family,"

"Not Nicky!"

"They aren't going to tell her,"

"How do you know that?...Dan they think i'm a liar!"

"What do you mean they think you're a liar?" he grabbed for her hands and made her look at him.

"I talked about my pregnancy,..." she teared up. "and I went into detail about you and all the things you did for me..."

"Well,..."

"No!...you can't tell people about us!" her bottom lip shook violently.

"I'm sorry,...maybe we need to talk about it to realize it's not something we should be hiding. We always wanted to tell Nicky,"

"I'm not fine with telling Nicky. You know exactly what will happen if we tell her!"

"What?"

"It will be a mess and it will start all over again!" Blair's necklace slipped off her neck, she caught it before it hit the ground. "DAMMIT!" she screamed. "why does it keep breaking!"

"Here, let me see," Dan took it. "It's not broken,...it just wasn't clasped in the right spot," he carefully looped it and let it fall on her neck.

"Blair,...hey," she was crying now and he wiped away her tears.

"What upsets me the most is,..." she gulped pressing her face against his shoulder. "You lied in order to tell them." she voice cracked. "You didn't tell them why," she closed her eyes and Dan's head titled to the side.

"I didn't think that was their business," he said softly wrapping his arms around her.

"If you're going to tell them anything, you have to tell them the whole story,"

"I'm sorry," he said genuinely. "I'm sorry about telling them. I'm sorry,...for this," he gulped and touched the metal plate of her necklace. Blair rested her head on his shoulder.

"Dan, I love you," she said in an assuring way that made Dan frown.

"I know," he rubbed her back. "I know that," Blair titled her head up towards him and smiled. Dan bent down and pressed his lips against hers. "I love you,"

"Can I still have your name?"

"You want to be Blair Humphrey? that sounds awful..." Blair giggled lightly and sniffed.

"I want it,"

**XOXOXOXO**

Dan was welcomed back to the publishing firm with arms wide open. He had a talent for picking out popular novels. His education saw business opportunities and boundless creativity when discovering each new author's potential.

After the second week back at the publishing firm Dan came home with a huge stack of notes. With a big smile on his face he dropped a package of notes on Blair's desk. "What's this?" she lifted the first page with the title 'Gone'

"This is the book i'm going to write!"

**XOXOXOXOXO**

**A/N: **Definitely not how I wanted this chapter but it needs to be released now. I hope you liked it. I'm trying my best to wrap this up in a timely manner. I tried to do one present chapter and then one flashback chapter, I can't do it. I have ADD when it comes to timelines. This is how I do, Like it or not this my style lol. I know all the things you want to know and what to see and it'll happen just be patient with me please :)


	15. Sweetest Thing

**A/N:** I just wanted to let you guys know that the songs I choose as titles encompass the chapter. They are the theme song of the chapter and they sum up the mood and pace for how I write it. I put a lot of effort into finding the right song so the title makes sense in many aspects and the tone and title are exactly what i'm looking for. Some of the films might not fit as I would have liked but I can't stop the theme now. I might start a tumblr for this fic and add things. Is that a silly idea?...This is a flashback chapter. I'm sorry! But you'll learn some things in this chapter.

I'm going to answer some of your questions, i've been bad with that lately.

**How many chapters are left? **I don't know the exact number because I don't write this fic chapter by chapter. I have written a long outline and I fill in spots as I go. But if I had to take a good guess I would say 5 or 6. But who knows really...sometimes I run out of inspiration and want to just wrap it up with one more and sometimes I get bursts of inspiration and want to write this fic forever lol...I promise I won't write it forever! :P

**Who's Brianna?** I feel like if you read this story again you might figure everything out without me saying a word but you will find out who that is shortly. She's an important character in a future chapter. and yes it's Nicky's middle name.

**When Does Serena come back?** Very soon! and some of you might like what happens but chances are you wont like what I do with her...

ENjOY!

(**Sweetest Thing**)

By: U2

From: Mr. Deeds

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**Flashback**

_When I was sixteen weeks pregnant we finally told our family who we gathered for a lovely Sunday dinner at our apartment. It wasn't unheard of for us to have a dinner party. We were sure this would be a total surprise when they discovered why we invited them over. We had no idea just how much of a surprise it would be. My mother had the hardest time believing us. Even with the sonogram picture in her hands she still didn't understand what was going on. -Blair. _

Dinner was coming to as close and they were about to serve dessert and coffee. Cyrus, Eleanor and Rufus talked about a family trip as they always did and Dan watched them quizzically knowing these ideas never turned into reality.

"...Mum," Blair bit her lip and interrupting a conversation about going to Alaska. Rufus' idea not hers.

"Yes?" Eleanor looked to her daughter.

"I have something for you," Blair held her hand out to Dan who stuffed his hand into the breast pocket of his jacket and handed over an envelope. "Here," she handed the small, white envelope to her mother. Cyrus looked over with intrigue as Dan pulled out another envelope and turned to his father.

"Dad," Dan placed the envelope in front of Rufus. Rufus carefully lifted the paper while watching as Eleanor set her glass down. Confusion apparent on both their faces and Blair smiled with anticipation. The entire table went quiet as everyone including Aaron and Laura starred silently.

"Open it!," Blair sat up straight in her chair with her hands folded neatly in her lap, Dan rested his arm over the back of Blair's chair casually. Eleanor opened the envelope before Rufus who was watching her, they both had no idea what was happening. "What is this?" she asked again, looking around the table as if someone was playing a joke on her.

"It's a baby," Blair smiled lightly at her confused mother. After hearing this, Rufus quickly ripped the paper open and carefully pulled the dark sheet out.

"Who's?" Eleanor adjusted her glasses and looked closer. Rufus bit his lip to keep himself from smiling but Blair snorted when his lips curled at the edges. He caught on before her mom had. Rufus studied the image in his hand.

"Who's having a baby?" Eleanor looked straight at Laura who shook her head back and fourth.

"...I am," Blair said simply. Eleanor's eyes scanned the table unsure of what she was being told. "Mine and Dan's..." she inhaled not realizing how emotional this would be for her.

"Whhh,..."Eleanor was still staring at the picture.

"Are you purposely being obtuse Eleanor?" she laughed. Everyone at the table caught on but sat silently with dumb smiles on their faces.

"You're pregnant?" her eyes were wide.

"Yeah I am," she offered a soft nod.

"But,..." she gulped and looked at Rufus who was still staring at the image with an unsure grin on his face.

The quiet was unbearable so Dan lifted his wine glass. "Yay!" he broke the tension with a shrug. Suddenly everyone broke into laughter and Eleanor asked Blair rapid fire questions.

"So we're happy?" Rufus held his palms up knowing that there was a time when Dan and Blair would have hated something like this.

"Yes please, let's be happy," Dan nodded.

"How far along?"

"Sixteen weeks," she smiled.

"And you didn't think to tell me?," she looked annoyed with her daughter.

"Well to be honest I thought you might notice I gained some weight," Blair laughed. "I didn't want to tell you because I had a miscarriage before so I wanted to get through the first trimester before we told anyone,"

"Congratulations!" Laura clapped. Cyrus lifted his wine glass to make a toast which ended in a silly exclamation.

"To Dan and Blair! good genes mustn't go to waste!," Cyrus exclaimed.

"That's what i've been saying!" Eleanor laughed. "Well I'm thrilled you're starting a family,"

"Starting?" Blair's eyes raised.

"Yeah this isn't starting," Dan explained. "This is it,"

"You're only going to have one?" Rufus sat straighter in his chair, his eyes flying off the sonogram and looking to Dan and Blair.

"Yeah," Dan half-nodded.

"Not enough!" Cyrus exclaimed.

"Certainly not!" Eleanor agreed.

"That's very rich coming from two people who have one child each," Blair sighed.

"You know I always wish I had two," Eleanor reminded her. "I just didn't have the time,"

"_Barely had time for me_," Blair said under her breath to Dan. Everyone at the table was talking now. Aaron and Laura were agreeing that having multiples is wonderful. Cyrus went on about having a child late in life.

"I married later in life. Aaron was born when I was already forty two. Thankfully Aaron made up for it and we have many many boys to carry the 'Rose' name," Cyrus said. "You and Dan are young..."

Blair's smile had faded and apparently her appetite had diminished seeing that she pushed away her dessert plate and excused herself.

"Hey,..." Dan held his hand out to make sure she wasn't crying as she headed towards the washroom. Dan looked around the table and watched Eleanor, Cyrus, Rufus still so caught up in their conversation about multiples that they didn't notice Blair had left. Rufus was agreeing with Blair's parents, explaining that Dan and Jenny were best-friends and growing up they were never bored because they always had each-other.

"And that's another reason!" Eleanor agreed. "Blair craved attention that I was never able to give her. Sure she had friends and play dates but being a child who spent her days with Dorota was not the way I wanted to bring her up,"

"It's the same thing with Aaron!"

Dan watched them all speak for another moment before he piped up. "Is this actually happening? right now? this is happening right now?" he shook his head unimpressed. "Nothing is ever good enough for you people. We just told you we're having a baby and you're going to actually get to be grandparents and all you want to talk about is this?" Dan got up and went to find Blair.

"Are you okay?" Dan found Blair sitting on the bathroom floor. She looked up and smiled tiredly.

"I'd like the nausea to stop," she closed her eyes and rested her head against the tiled wall. "Chocolate cake..."

"Honestly,...how exactly does chocolate make one feel sick?" he rolled up his sleeves and sat down beside her.

"No idea,..." she sighed as he pulled her close.

"I thought you might be upset with the people in our dining-room," he gently moved her hair behind her ears.

"I don't think anything could upset me right now," she smiled. "Well except for chocolate,"

"Right, right," he dropped his head and kissed her shoulder.

"Would you maybe get me a vanilla cupcake from crumbs? that's the only thing that sounds good to me,"

"Absolutely," he kissed her on the cheek before helping her up. "You want to get in bed?"

"I have guests,"

"Screw 'em," he smirked.

When Dan returned with the cupcake everyone was happy and smiling at the elevator. Eleanor hugged Blair goodbye and Rufus kissed her on the cheek and tried to feel her stomach but Blair shooed him off. "Not yet,..no, i'm not ready for that yet,.._.sorry_," she made an awkward face and Rufus laughed. Dan hugged everyone goodbye and then looked to Blair with an eyebrow raise.

"I take it they stopped saying 'Not enough'," he asked kicking his shoes off and heading to the kitchen so he could plate her cupcake.

"I mentioned that you and I were heading to the cottage next week and Rufus invited himself,..."

"Oh that's no big deal. He spends most of his time fishing so he won't be around too much,..." Blair cut him off.

"He invited my mother and Cyrus," she gave him a toothy smile.

"The cottage is big,.. it's fine..."

"Aaron and Laura invited themselves..." Blair inhaled trying to keep calm.

"What?"

"Laura and Aaron are coming with their brood,..."

"Let's cancel on my grandparents," Dan said instantly.

"Everyone is going for us!" Blair groaned. "They're going because we're going."

"Tell them we're not,"

"I tried that and your father suggested that they all spend a week here,..."

"What is wrong with him?"

"I don't know but they're all high on family values and starting this kid's life out right or some bullshit...I'm inviting Nina and Nate to have a buffer,"

"Here, calm down," Dan opened the box and placed the cupcake on the plate. Blair's eyes fell to the iced cake and her lip started to shake.

"That's,..." her voice shook and she sniffed a few times. She caught a tear that slid down her cheek.

"Hey, hey, hey..." Dan's eyes widened and his hands went out. "Why are you crying? what did I do?"

"I...I...I didn't want Vanilla bean,..." her eyes welled up. "I...I..I..._wanted French Vanilla_," she wiped at her tears but they weren't stopping anytime soon.

"It's okay, it's okay,..i'll go back," he tilted his head to the side and Blair shook her head.

"No, it's fine...it's fine,..i'm just..." her shoulders bounced, Dan enveloped her in a hug and she cried harder. "It's my fault! I didn't specify," she sniffed and hiccuped a few times. Dan let go after a moment and grabbed his wallet off the counter. "But why would you get me that? do you even know me?" she hiccuped again as she pulled away.

"I just asked for Vanilla," Dan shrugged. "I'm sorry. I'm going to get the right one okay?"

"Is there a big difference between the two actually?" he enquired curiously as he put on his shoes.

"...No," she burst into tears again.

"It's okay," he laughed. "If you simply like the look of the other one better,...I don't care why you want it but i'm going to get it. Sit tight okay? i'll be back in a flash,"

"I'm sorry," she bawled as Dan got into the elevator.

When Dan returned and found that Blair had eaten the cupcake on the counter anyway, he didn't question it.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Dan and Blair had arrived at the cottage a couple days ago. And since their arrival, all Blair did was complain. She complained about the heat, she complained about the barbecued meals, she complained about the bugs and even that the pool was too cold.

Dan's grandmother commented about him driving all the way into the city to get cupcakes from Blair's favourite place. "I noticed Blair was eating cupcakes this morning. I saw where they came from..." she raised her brows. "Isn't that a little far to go for cupcakes?" she asked as he opened the porch door and let the breeze into the cottage.

"Well,...," he nodded lightly with a sigh. "She's in a position where she can have whatever she wants right now,"

"I have the feeling Blair_ always _gets whatever she wants," Dan's grandfather chuckled to himself before looking back down at his paper. Dan ignored him and headed down the hallway.

"Oh no," Dan sighed as he walked into their temporary bedroom. "What's wrong now?"

"Nothing," she pulled her legs up so her knees were under her chin. She placed her face in the thick of the pillows and tried to stop whimpering.

"Blair..." Dan sung a little running his hand up her side. "Tell me what's wrong," he tilted his head and hoped she would just tell him. Reluctantly she turned, face covered with hair and lips in a pout. "oh c'mon, just tell me what's wrong,"

"I just...I just want to eat junk!" she cried.

"Umm..."

"I packed all these healthy meals. I have spinach salad and yogurt and all I want to do is eat cupcakes and...and...," she sniffed. "I just want to eat desserts and sweets and I can't..." her voice cracked.

"I think you should just eat what you feel like," he pushed the strands of hair out of her face.

"That's not the plan!" she cried.

"Well I think the plan was a little unfair to you. You should be allowed to have some sugar. I still have my cupcake left. You want me to get it?" Blair made a whimper of a sound and Dan stood.

"Let me go get it,"

"NO!" she wiped her eyes and cleared her throat. "I..." she covered her eyes and cried. "You can't because..._I already ate it_," she placed her face back in the pillow to hide her shame.

"You what?" he couldn't help but laugh. "You ate my cupcake!" Blair was sobbing now. "Oh goodness...what are we going to do now?" he laid down so his face was starring at hers. He rubbed her shoulder. "I can get you more," he offered sweetly. "Daisy, you want me to get you some macrons?"

"No," she breathed still in her pillow. "I can't aaave em," she mumbled into the pillow.

"Look at me,"

"No,"

"Blair, that baby needs oxygen," he teased. "Don't smother yourself, think of the baby,"

"Shut up," she said while turning to lay on her back.

"Blair, you can eat whatever you want. You're probably just going through a phase. Tomorrow you'll decide you want to eat raw chicken liver," She giggled lightly at the movie reference as he ran his hand back and fourth over her midsection.

"Oh you laugh at that?" he smirked. "What do you say, should I get you some chocolate mousse?," he tickled her and she laughed harder. "the kind with a chalky after taste?" Blair shook her head with a laugh.

"I mean,... who eats unsolicited desserts?" she asked as their lips touched gently.

"Mm..." he didn't answer her seemingly rhetorical question as he went back in for another kiss.

"Hey, we should watch 'Rosemary's baby',"

"Yeah so you can get paranoid? no,"

"Why would I get paranoid?"

"I'm a struggling writer...just saying...what's the difference between that an a struggling actor really?"

"Daniel!" her jaw dropped at his insinuation that he would sell their baby to the devil for a writing career. "Not for long," she touched his face gently and he inhaled and offered a smile. It was always nice that Blair was so confident in him but sometimes it felt like she was patronizing him.

"Um so I can get you some ice cream, will that work?" he scratched the back of his neck and sat up.

"Hey," she grabbed for his hand. "I love you, I believe in you and I'm your number one fan,"

Dan inhaled lightly and leaned down to kiss her on the cheek, "french vanilla?"

"Yes please,"

"Coming right up," he let go of her hand as he walked away.

"It's not my fault," she touched her stomach. "It's his fault,"

The next day Eleanor, Cyrus, Nate and Nina were to arrive, then later that night Aaron, Laura and their brood.

"Well isn't this quaint," Eleanor commented. The limo driver carried her bag behind her, Blair tried to take it from him with a casual side kiss to her mother. "No, you shouldn't be lifting anything in your situation," Eleanor stopped her. Blair rolled her eyes dramatically.

"That's what I'm for," Dan emerged from behind Blair and side kissed Eleanor, taking her bags.

"Daniel, Darling, I have three more in the car,"

"Of course you do," he nodded running out to the limo to help her driver.

"Where's Cyrus?"

"He'll be here. Meetings and such,..." her eyes settled on Dan's grandmother, "why hello," she held her hand out.

"Eleanor, I've heard so much about you," she beamed. "I have a room all set up for you and your husband," she looked up at Nate and Nina before her eyes widened. "Oh no! I somehow miscalculated bedrooms..."

"What do you mean?" Blair's eyebrows raised.

"These two," she pointed at Nate and Nina.

"They're sharing a room Gran," Dan said.

"Oh no...no," she shook her head. "They can't," she shook her head.

"Gran, Nate and Nina are platonic. I promise," he laughed. She starred at the two of them for a moment with her lips pressed firmly together.

"...Well okay," she gave Nate a side glance before going to settle Eleanor in her room when she came back her eyes settled back on Nate and Nina.

"Now,..." she grabbed Nate's face with one hand. "You solemnly swear you and Nina are just friends?"

"Jusss friends," he said the best he could with his lips pressed together like a fish.

"I will not have any sinners under this roof,"

Nina laughed out loud, "Trust me Gran,...Nate and I are not friendly in that way. Not at all,"

"Well i'll have to trust you..."

"I promise you can trust us," Nina's eyes widened before she followed Blair.

"So she used to make you sleep in separate rooms?" Nina asked quietly as Blair escorted her to the room.

"Don't let the attitude fool you. She's very Christian. Do not mention that Laura and Aaron aren't married. Trust me,...five kids and no wedding...she might have an aneurysm. She kicked Rufus out of the house at sixteen and you can imagine what happened when Allison got pregnant with Dan..."

"Rufus and Allison weren't married when they had Dan?"

"They were nineteen," Blair shrugged.

"Ooo..." Nina cringed.

"She honestly thinks you waited until marriage?"

"Nina, she thought I was as pure as the virgin Mary," Blair smirked rubbing up the side of her stomach. "Dan...well he dated a jezebel..."

"Oh my god. She called Serena 'Jezebel'?...that's epic,"

"I know," Blair smiled.

"Darling come sit outside with us," Eleanor seemed to be fitting in well with Dan's family for the time being. "It's beautiful out here!" Blair's mother commented looking around at the bricked patio and in-ground pool that sparkled from the sun. "Goodness, these are darling!" she complimented Dan's grandmother's flower garden. Blair had wished her mother toned down the shock in her voice. She truly made it sound like she was expecting the place to be a rundown shack. She couldn't listen to her gawk any longer and she went inside to have another bowl of ice cream. Dan and Nate were sitting outside having a drink, while Nina joined Eleanor who was getting the grand tour. Cyrus arrived moments later and he seemed to get along really well with Dan's grandfather who enjoyed golf just as much.

Everyone turned when Blair slid the patio door open. she stepped out in a flowing, print tunic paired with wedge sandals and huge sunglasses. "Ooo la la!," Nina cat called her best-friend who apparently felt it was necessary to glamorize herself. Blair took a lounger beside her mother that was covered by a large umbrella.

"How are you feeling sweetie?" Cyrus asked.

"Fine," she sighed and wiped her forehead.

"You sound kind of grumpy. Are you taking your vitamins?" Eleanor asked her daughter. Blair scowled at her. Of course she had been taking them. Blair had an entire plan to how this pregnancy was going to progress and she had been doing everything exactly right.

"I have been. Yes," she made an attempt at being nice but Dan knew she was agitated already and probably close to having a meltdown.

"Blair why don't you go swimming?" Dan's grandmother saw she was clearly very warm.

"Umm, no" Dan got up and went to sit with her hoping he could try and find the source of her irritation.

"Forgot to pack your bikini?" Cyrus asked. Dan bit his lip knowing the questions directed at her were a sure fire way to have her snap at them. He tried to steer the conversation in another direction but Blair spoke up first.

"I'd rather not show you all how fat I am," she smiled sarcastically. Being pregnant in the summer was awful. Somehow in the last month or so she started to hate the swelling of her stomach. When it first started to grow she found it to be exciting, she'd touch her stomach, feeling it starting to get round and she was proud of it. She even refused to buy maternity clothes because she wanted everyone to know that bump was her baby. But now it was like she finally realized it wasn't going to get to a point and stop. It was going to keep growing until she couldn't get any bigger and it began to scare her.

"Oh c'mon, you look amazing!" Nina commented.

"I keep wondering if there is another baby in there. You are showing much too quickly to only have one,..." Eleanor commented looking over her large sunglasses.

"I'm carrying up high!" Blair defended her bump for being very popped out for only seventeen weeks.

"She needs to cut back on the macrons," Nate turned with a laugh.

"Nate..." Dan warned him.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with growing like this," Nina smiled. Blair rolled her eyes at the friend who was just starting to accept the fact a baby was going to join their group.

"Honey, I wouldn't worry. You've always been so tiny, a bump just shows well on you," Eleanor said.

"That's exactly why," Dan commented. "You eat a cocktail olive and we would be able to see it," he teased her with a little nudge.

"It's true honey, it's only because you're so small," Rufus agreed as Dan rubbed Blair's hand. Blair smiled sarcastically but she rubbed Dan's hand back and he knew her source of irritation wasn't him. This gave him the confidence to lean in and kiss her.

"Hmm, I love that it's so quiet here," Nate commented.

"Well enjoy the quiet, the circus is coming to town," Eleanor let everyone know her grandsons were not going to allow for quiet. She spoke too soon as Laura and Aaron showed up at the back gate not ten minutes later with their brood of boys. Blair watched them play. She smiled a few times but she was never as affectionate with any of them as her parents were. Even Rufus enjoyed their rambunctious behaviour.

Dan and Nate convinced the boys they should cool down. Aaron got to take a break from the little monkeys as they attached themselves to Nate. Nate was new to the boys and thus, targeted as a playmate. Soon, the pristine, bathing water was a mess of pool noodles and blow up seas creatures while Dan and Nate were blowing up water wings and holding them out for the little guys to slip their arms into. Dan watched Blair get up to go inside. "I'm going to have a little nap,"

"Do you want me to come?" he asked wiping the water out of his eyes.

"No, you just keep doing what you're doing," she said with amusement as she headed inside.

"Nina, care to join us?" Nate looked up at a beach ball pelted him in the head.

A laugh escaped her lips, "In your dreams," she sipped on her cocktail and went back to her book.

By the time Blair came back outside Dan's grandfather was cooking and her rumbling stomach was thankful it wouldn't be long before they had dinner. The boys seemed to be getting louder and louder as Dan and Nate tossed them into the water.

"Shhhh..." Laura tried to get them to settle down.

"Okay that's enough. Grandma is getting soaked," Eleanor fixed her hat.

Nina scoffed when Blair returned to her seat. "What?" she asked her friend.

"Boys..." she shuddered at the nature of them. Blair smirked and Nina lowered her shades.

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"You smirked,"

"No I didn't,"

"Are you?..is it?...Blair..." she tilted her head to the side.

"What?" she bit her lip trying to hide her smile.

"You're smiling..."

"It's a lovely day,"

"You just went inside because you were all gross and sweaty..."

"Mmm..." she hummed lightly looking back at the pool.

"C'mon tell me"

"What?"

"Tell me right now! you know!"

"I know nothing,"

"You are such a liar!"

"I don't know what you're asking me Nina,"

"You don't keep secrets from me,"

"It's not a secret Nina, it's a _surprise_,"

"You're a bitch,"

"And proud of it," Blair sung.

"Okay you're happy,...it's got to be a girl," Nina smiled and went back to her book.

_I never had a doubt in my mind that Dan would make a good father but the week we spent at his grandparent's cottage, confirmed my thoughts about him. Aaron and Laura's boys were playing outside and running around the patio where the adults were chatting after dinner. My journal describes this day as hot and sweaty but my morning sickness had stopped finally. I noticed Dan rubbing his knuckles up and down his other had with some kind of anticipation. His eyes kept scanning around the pool, he was clearly uncomfortable and I could tell he wanted to say something. He brought the whole conversation about our Christmas plans in Paris to a halt when he told Aaron that Oliver and Liam were running around the pool. Aaron shrugged it off while Laura explained that if they hurt themselves, they'll learn from it. Dan nodded but I could tell that didn't put him at ease, his knee started bouncing, then he got up from his chair and went into the house on the pretense that his glass was empty, I followed behind him. -Blair_

"What's wrong?"

"all i'm thinking about is the ambulance we're going to have to call..., all I can see is one of them cracking their head on the pavement..." he stared out the window for a moment and decided he was going to do something about it.

_Now any schmo can play with kids. Nate proved that to us but it takes a good guy to stop the fun and games to make sure everyone is safe._ "Guys,...in the pool or on the grass but you're not playing on the pavement," Liam asked Dan he'd play soccer with them and he agreed just as long as they were prepared to get their butts kicked.

After a pretty competitive soccer game with the little boys and Nate, Dan decided he needed a break. He walked into the kitchen cool down and get some water. Blair walked over with a smile. "Can you believe we're going to have one of those?" she gestured out the window to the boys who were still caught up in soccer.

"Can't wait," he said quickly before returning and picking his teammates.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

_"You're fine. Just relax," A single tear rolled over her cheek as she waited in the most anticipation of her life. Her hope was out the window, all she anticipated was a scar and a few days in the hospital. _

When Blair woke from her dream she could still see the image of her baby girl. Her hands immediately went to her stomach. She sighed in relief when she felt her bump and zero trace of a scar. She looked around the dark room and hoped the dream was just her subconscious being worried and not a premonition. It was five am, she looked over at Dan's bare shoulder peeking out of the sheets. She moved closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder. Without a word Dan smiled sleepily against the pillow. Blair moved closer and rested a hand on his face. "I dreamt that I had a c-section again,...and we had a _baby girl_," she half laughed in a slight whisper. Dan blew air through his teeth with amusement. "She had these huge, beautiful eyes and was completely alert,..." she inhaled. "she was perfection...but the entire dream up until then was just terrifying. I mean,...It was such a rush of anticipation and fear and,...and...a complete loss of control. I wonder why i would dream about that..."

"Are you worried about needing to have a c-section?" he said in a low, tired voice as his one hand played with her hair.

"It's not part of my plan..." Dan laughed lightly at her simple response.

"I suppose that would definitely impede on your natural, zero-drugs, birth plan," he nodded.

"I'm not bringing my child into the world strung out on pain medication," she pressed her lips together and Dan saw a brief moment of uncertainty cross Blair's face. He only saw this face when Blair was trying to be tough or lying. His eyebrows raised at her and she sighed with a slight shake in her voice. "Okay,.." her eyes filled with tears. "I'm completely and utterly scared," her bottom lip shook. "I have no idea what to expect and right now I think it might just be a good idea if i'm throughly sedated through the duration of the birthing process,"

"I won't tell anyone," Dan smirked and moved in to press a tender kiss to her forehead.

"Stupid Eve had to go ahead and ruin everything for us," she sniffed and wiped at her eyes. Dan tilted his head and smiled softly.

"You still have a lot of time before you have to think about the technicalities,...for now just tell me about good parts of this dream,"

"You were wearing that awful hospital get up...," she laughed. "and I felt like I couldn't breathe and then all of sudden I saw her,..."

"and she was perfection?"

"she was flawless," Blair laid on her back and looked up at the ceiling in a dreamy haze.

"This is a boy..." Dan rested his hand across Blair's midsection hoping she remembered that.

"I know. But we'll have to aim for perfection again," Dan laughed out loud. "Our family would be happy," he rolled his eyes.

"I'm just kidding!" she turned on her side and beamed brightly at Dan. "Even when I saw her I just,...I wondered where my baby boy was," she inhaled softly. " Dan, I'm so in love with him,"

"Me too," Dan kissed her and pulled her back into him before he shut his eyes.

"It's just weird..." she said softly. "Even after I came to terms with having a baby I never considered myself with a son,...not ever,"

"Well you never considered yourself with me,"

"That's true," she leaned in for a kiss. "And I do kind of like being with you," she teased as she moved closer to him. "Ugh!," she rested her hands on his mid section. "No fair!" she exclaimed seeing how taut and flat his stomach was. "You're like this and i'm a walrus!"

"A walrus!" he laughed. "It's only temporary. I wish you would learn to like it,...our son is in here,"

"It sounds so strange when you say that. I keep picturing him as a man," she blinked. "I'm thinking of his future already. Yesterday I wondered if he would be a doctor," she touched her stomach.

"I'm thinking professional soccer player..." Dan dreamed.

"Head-but it like Humphrey?" Blair offered with an eye-roll. "He could be a ballet dancer,..." she smirked and turned her head to see his reaction.

"Sure could, though Humphreys tend to have two left feet,...but we are musically inclined so..."

"Our baby could be a musician,...but not like one of those struggling, dirty, musician hipsters,...more like a concert pianist,"

"The next Mozart,"

"But we won't make him to those awful circus tricks,"

"No one said he would be a prodigy,"

"He will be. I can feel it," Blair smiled.

"Or maybe he'll grow up to be a Yale professor?" Dan chuckled and Blair shook her head with a amusement.

"I hope that doesn't happen. I want him to be unique,"

"We never set the name in stone we can change it.,"

"I already told you, Anyone significant in my life has a name that won't suit a little baby,"

"They were all babies at some point,"

"Do you really want to name our brand new baby, Harold?"

"No," Dan laughed.

"Rufus?"

"Definitely not,"

"I'll list off all the prominent male names from my family. Stop me if you like one,"

"Allistar, Carlton, Montgomery, Richmond, Desmond, Victor, Syril, Frederick, and Harold,"

"Those names are so pretentious,"

"Yours?"

"You already vetoed Rufus and Daniel, my grandfather's name is Jake,...we also have Michael, Joel, Todd, Sam, Erik, Owen, Seth, Van, Jeffrey and Scott,"

"We do have quite the roster...but I think we should stick with our first choice,"

"Definitely sticking with our first choice,"

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRIOR**

"I could even write the gender on a piece of paper and you can read it together whenever you wish," the tech offered. Dan looked to Blair.

"Yeah let's do that," he nodded.

"We don't want to know" Blair shook her head at the tech.

"Oh c'mon!" Dan complained.

"You know that if we have the piece of paper we're going to look. Don't tell us. We don't want to know,"

"Speak for yourself Daisy..."

"Dan..." Blair warned him.

"I won't tell you," the tech promised Blair and moved the wand over to the side.

"Oops..." Dan's eyes averted the monitor.

"What?" Blair looked over at Dan who just laughed a little and pressed his lips together with the shake of his head.

"Nothing," the smirk wouldn't disappear.

"Dan..."

"Oh nothing,"

"Tell me immediately,"

"I know what it is," Dan smiled.

"...You saw that?" the tech grimaced. "I was hoping you wouldn't see that,"

"I saw it" he laughed lightly looking at his shoes. The tech and Dan started to laugh and Blair wanted to understand why.

"It? you saw what?" Blair looked up at the two of them laughing.

"nothing"

"...does it have the gender typed on the..Oh you mean" Blair's eyes widened. "You saw HIS..." she clasped her hands over her mouth.

"I saw him," he nodded.

"It's a boy?" she smiled.

"ninety percent sure that's a boy," the tech explained.

"Well i'm a hundred percent sure that's a boy," Dan laughed.

"So Connor?" Blair asked Dan with a quick turn of her head.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Connor Nathan,"

**XOXOXOX**

**Flash-forward**

"Bonjour gramma," Nicky spoke sweetly into the phone while Dan set the table for breakfast.

"Hello darling," Dan could hear Eleanor's voice. "I just wanted to send my baby girl kisses from Paris,"

"Muah!" Nicky blew a kiss into the phone with a giggle and Dan looked over wondering if she could be any cuter. "Gramma, mommy and daddy are having booze for breakfast!"

"Give me that," Dan snuck the phone from her grasp. "We're having champagne with our waffles Eleanor," he explained. "Definitely calls for celebration," he agreed with a nod. "I think I might take her to dinner later. It's strange..., no i'm just not used to it yet,"

Blair woke up to Dan's voice that was clearly speaking to someone on the phone. She turned and found a little note beside her and a gift box wrapped in a bright satin bow. 'This calls for celebration' Blair giggled to herself as she ripped the box open to find a pair of Burberry, plaid pajama pants.

"What's this for," Nicky's little hands pawed at a bottle of champagne on the table. "What's this for! What's this for!" she repeated over and over.

"For a celebration," Dan answered.

"A celebration of what?" she enquired.

"You'll see,"

Nicky kneeled on her chair as Blair snuck up to give Dan a good morning kiss. "I see you found your gift," he smiled at her pajama pants.

"Well they're high quality and designer so I have no objections," she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and brought him in for a passionate kiss. Nicky starred at them waiting for them to part.

"I do NOT permit kissing at the breakfast table!" she knocked the bottom of her fork on the marble.

"Well I don't follow rules. I make them," Blair smiled at her daughter. "Now sit on your bum," she folded her napkin in her lap as Dan placed a hot plate of waffles in front of her.

"I don't have to listen to you because I'm the queen," Nicky continued to kneel.

"Nope. Mommy's the queen," Dan broke the news. "Sit down please,"

"She's not a Humphrey," Nicky shook her head.

"Yes she is," Dan smiled.

"You are?" Her eyes grew wide.

"I am," she smiled. "As of yesterday,"

"So now we're king and queen," Dan's eyebrows raised as he took his seat.

"So what's that make me?"

"A princess, silly," Blair kissed her.

"Oh!" Nicky smiled brightly liking that idea.

"Blair Humphrey doesn't suit you," Dan shook his head.

"Yes it does!" Nicky whined hoping he wasn't changing her mind.

"No. I think she should change it back,"

"Mummy!" Nicky said desperately. "I don't...I don't want you to change it back!"

"Why not?" she asked with a smile.

"Cause I want you to be a Humphrey like me and daddy,"

"That's good because I like being a Humphrey," she leaned over to her baby and kissed her on the cheek.

"What if I had a sister,..."

"You don't have a sister,..." Dan wondered where this was going.

"No daddy! Hypoth...poth...cally,"

"Hypothetically," Dan nodded proud of her attempt. "she would be a princess too," he explained.

"But i'd be the better one cause i'm older,"

"Well technically you would be the first heir in line to the throne, yes," Blair nodded.

"That sounds good," Nicky touched her chin. "Can I have one?" she asked her mom simply.

"Uh,..." Blair looked amused and looked to Dan to answer for her.

"All my friends have brothers but I think i'd rather have a sister you know?"

"You want some more OJ Nic?" Dan asked getting up from the table.

"Umm, yes please,"

Dan could hear Nicky still asking Blair. "You don't need a sister. You get all mommy and daddy's attention. Would you want to share it?"

"...No, I guess not,"

"I didn't think so," she smiled.

As Dan and Blair carefully cleaned the valuable dish-ware in the sink Dan turned to his wife who now shared his last-name. "I hate it,"

"What?" she looked up and met his eyes.

"I hate Blair Humphrey. Blair...Humphrey ugh...it sounds awful. My body literally wants to reject it,"

"Shut up," she shook her head with a giggle.

"You're always going to be Blair Waldorf to me," he nudged her.

"I know," she smiled.

**XOXOXOX**

**A/N: **Feedback? I know this was probably different from my others but it gets the story moving in a way. Next chapter will have present moments :) -FQ


	16. You're My Bestfriend

**A/N: **I don't mind writing more of the present time it just means to finish up the flashbacks and reveal some secrets it's going to be a little bit of a wait. Here's about 90% present and just a touch or flashback. I definitely don't intend on ending it the way you think I'm going to- interpret that how you will. ENjOY! and please don't forget to review :)

(**YOU'RE MY BESTFRIEND**)

BY: QUEEN

FROM: THE BREAK UP

Blair heard the ding of her elevator and smiled brightly. Applying her lipstick as quickly as possible she called out, "I'll be right there!" she tried not to sound too excited even if it seemed hopeless—she was throroughly thrilled. She grabbed at her bag that was resting at the end of her bed and walked as quickly as her heels would take her. "Sorry, I was just..." she looked up and her smile fell. Blair tucked her hair behind her ear when she saw Patrick standing in her foyer. "What are you doing here?" she tried to sound supportive of his impromptu visit.

"Am I not allowed to surprise you?" he asked with a slight annoyance indicating Blair did a poor job of sounding pleased.

"..no, no you are," she inhaled. "I just,..." she scratched her eyebrow aimlessly. "Dan was on his way over and we were going to head over to the MET,"

"You guys are doing a really good job at being friends hey?" he looked proud of her.

"A year ago I would claim being civil in his presence was an impossible task," she said with a sigh of relief.

"Must put you at ease,"

"It does. Definitely," just then the elevator made a noise, Blair's attention fixed on it as Patrick moved out of the way and closer to his girlfriend.

"Hey," Dan's eyebrows raised—first seeing Patrick. His free hand extended for a friendly hand-shake, the other was occupied with a tray of coffees. Blair watched them intently and swallowed somewhat upset with how Dan interacted with Patrick. She should have been happy that Dan was so friendly. But for a moment she wished that Dan's tinge of jealousy surfaced. Not even two years prior Dan would stare down Blair's male coworkers for making a comment or bringing her coffee. He would never do anything about it, he wouldn't even discuss it with her, but the look on his face was always amusing to her. Even Blair with her independence enjoyed being someone's property once in awhile.

"Blair told me you two were headed out," Patrick mentioned.

"Yeah, we're going to see an exhibit," Dan nodded and smiled at Blair who felt more uncomfortable than she would have liked.

"Is that for me?" Blair played coy and gestured to the tray in Dan's hand.

"black as the night," he pulled the cup out of the tray and handed it to her.

"Mmm," she held the warm cup in her hands and relished in the comforting smell.

"You drink your coffee black?" Patrick asked amused.

"Only if it's from a certain place," she explained. "It's the only way to drink this stuff," she took a sip. "Let's go," she ordered. "I refuse to wait in line with all the public-school kids on field trips," she got into the elevator and the men followed her. The descent lasted less than thirty seconds but no one saying a word made it slightly uncomfortable.

"So are you joining us Patrick?" Dan asked as the elevator opened on the ground level.

"No, I was just hoping to spend some time with her on my lunch break," Blair's face twisted knowing what that meant and wondered if Dan's mind went there. "But you two had plans so i'll just catch up with her later,"

"Okay well..." Dan cleared his throat wondering if he was going to leave.

"Yeah,..yeah i'll see you later. Have fun," he leaned in for a kiss, before Blair could think of a clever way of getting out of it, she felt his lips press firmly to hers. There was nothing in the world less ostentatious. When he pulled away Blair looked to Dan who was seemingly oblivious as he sipped at his coffee.

"Have fun okay?," Patrick's hand lingered on her back.

"Ok," she said quickly.

"Bye sweetheart," Patrick smiled lightly before heading in the opposite direction.

"Soooo..." Blair turned to Dan with an awkward smile. "Should we..." she gestured for them to continue down the street. Dan seemed stoic and calm which counteracted her uncharacteristically, awkward demeanor.

"Cut to the chase,...How were parent teacher interviews?" Blair asked not being able to put it off any longer. She hadn't been able to attend with him since she had a meeting.

"Wouldn't you like to know," he played coy while taking a sip of his coffee.

"Yes, I would like to know. You know these things eat me up inside. Spill!"

"Same old,"

"Same old?" she asked confused.

"Nicky is a pleasure, Nicky is a natural born leader, she takes initiative, she asks questions, she never causes disruptions, she's well behaved, she always does her homework, she is a great friend to everyone...," When Dan finished speaking, Blair rolled her eyes.

"I should have known you'd forget to take notes,..."

"Honestly, she's fine. There's no need to recite word for word what her teachers say about her. She's a good student,"

"But is she a teacher's pet? I don't want her to be a teacher's pet,..."

"Nah, she's confident and doesn't need to over achieve," Dan smirked.

"Was that an insult hurled in my direction?"

"What? no. I'm just saying she's usually modest about her intelligence,"

"So I'm showy with my intelligence?"

"Everybody likes a smart chick," Dan shrugged.

"I don't think Patrick does," Blair huffed.

"No?"

"Well he's a number guy...you know? I don't think he's very well versed in anything remotely linguistic," she sighed. "You should see some of the notes he leaves me,...it takes all I have to not pull out a red pen and make corrections..." Blair sighed with distaste in her attitude. Dan let out a soft laugh at her concern.

"I'd hardly be exaggerating if I said Nicky made less grammatical and spelling errors when she was four,"

"Oh he can't be that bad," Dan smiled.

"I'm sorry," Blair shook her head realizing she was rambling about her boyfriend. "How's umm,.._Claudia_?" she almost forgot her name. Nate's cousin didn't exactly make much of an impression when Blair stalked her facebook page.

"Claudia,..." he blew air through his teeth before smiling uncomfortably. "she uh...met someone,"

"Oh no!" Blair's eyebrows lifted. "I'm so sorry to hear that," she looked honestly concerned as her eyes softened and looked at him with sympathy.

"Oh no no no..." he bit his lip. "It's fine. That happened awhile ago actually,"

"She just told you she was seeing someone else?"

"I think she was looking for something serious and I wasn't so..." he shrugged.

"Right," Blair dug her cell-phone out of her purse after it began to ring. "It's just Nina," she explained texting her back.

**What are you up to? Wanna have lunch?** -Nina

**Sorry, I'm out with Patrick** -Blair

**Boo you whore** -Nina

"So did you actually delete Gossip Girl from your contacts?" Dan enquired.

"Daniel!, is that a grey hair?" she looked over and tried to distract him.

"_Shut up_,.." he said in a low voice, he touched the side of his head with wide eyes. "Are you serious?"

"No," she laughed. "But it's good to see you still care about your appearance,"

"I think I have the start of crows feet," he touched the side of his eye gently with a worrisome expression.

"Just laugh lines," Blair smiled genuinely with a touch of adoration.

"It's easy for you to smile about it. You look exactly the same as you did when we were dating," Blair rolled her eyes.

"Don't exaggerate," she warned him. "but I personally think age has been good to you,"

"Really?" he nodded with please when she assured him she wasn't kidding. "You think i'm like George Clooney?" he said with cockiness.

"Sure, we'll go with that," she pressed her lips together trying not to laugh as Dan held the door open for her. They discarded their coffee cups in the nearest trash bin and showed their membership cards at the front desk. They knew exactly where they were going and what exhibit they were there to see. This exhibit was contemporary, the artist's style was impressionistic that was borderline abstract in certain instances. Dan and Blair stood in front of pieces for what seemed like an eternity to other viewers. They contemplated, read the artist statements, analyzed the subject matter, shared their first impressions—the feelings it gave them, and how each technical element contributed to the overall piece.

After about three hours, looking at less than eight pieces of work, Dan and Blair decided to head out. They discussed the show the entire way to their favourite cafe. Blair teased him for the soft spot he had for Joseph Beuys and Dan lashed back with her love affair with anything enjoyed by the general public.

"That's not true! and what exactly are you inferring?" she stood straighter and looked about ready to spar.

"You like what everyone else likes because you think that makes you right," he deadpanned.

"There is nothing further from the truth!" she declared with wide, offended eyes.

"I'm not trying to offend you, i'm just pointing out that you let other dictate what is good and what is bad..."

"You're pointing out that i'm closed minded to contemporary," she said appalled. "You're saying I have no mind of my own!"

"You're favourite artists are Cezanne, Degas, and Manet,...some of the most popular print works in the world!," he scoffed. "The most mainstream,...nearly appropriated as much as the Mona Lisa!...Your favourite painting is 'The Bathers' by Manet for crying out loud," he laughed. "You have a huge Picasso print in your hallway," he shrugged.

"Who bought it?!" she yelled pointing at him. "You like graffiti art and political propaganda to the likes of Shepard Fairey!," she countered. "Banksy, and David Witz,..."

"Does that make me wrong?...I also love Manet," he looked at her confidently. Blair's mouth fell agape before she began to smile.

"Why do you like riling me up like that?"

"I like when you're passionate," he answered simply. Blair laughed and shook her head. "I have no problems with your art preference Blair,"

"I don't have any problems with yours either. You can appreciate anything you want and you can go to any exhibit you wish—free of my judgement," she thought for a moment. "That's not true, if you take my daughter to see a performance piece anything remotely related to Vito Acconci..."

"Say no more," Dan put his hand in the air to stop her. They walked a little further before Dan piped up. "It's fine that you can't see the value in Vito Acconci's work...but you can't deny,.."

"I should have known...," Blair shook her head quickly. "...that you wouldn't be able to let that go,"

"I just want to point out that no one else has achieved..."

"Daniel..."

"I'm not his biggest fan myself but the man single handedly..." Blair stopped in tracks, her face twitched before she burst into laughter.

"Oh my god," Dan laughed. "Wow that was not intentional," he blinked at his unintended pun.

"Just promise me that you'll use 'daddy judgement' when you take her to exhibits," Dan nodded with a smile.

"Just ballerinas, flowers..."

"flowers that resemble vulvas..." Blair nodded with a laugh remembering the last time Dan took her to see an exhibit.

"There is nothing wrong with flowers that look like vulvas," Dan laughed.

"OH!" Blair suddenly remembered something she wanted to bring up. "Nicky asked me if I was lesbian," she bit her lip, an amused expression on her face.

"..._Are you_ a lesbian?" Dan asked dryly which got him a customary smack in the arm. He laughed out loud at her attempt to cause him pain and held his hands out so she wouldn't smack him again. "ok ok ok...," he dodged a pinch. "Why did she ask that?"

"The nudes," Blair sighed. "Her friends have convinced her that because I have paintings of nude women on my walls—I must be a lesbian. Apparently no one could appreciate such art without being attracted to women,...How sad is that?"

"What did you say to her?"

"I told her I'm not. She knows those prints are world famous," she sighed. "You have an Odalisque, why hasn't she said anything about that?"

"Why? would she ask if I was lesbian?" Dan smirked, Blair rolled her eyes. "Little girls are cruel. Who cares if you_ were_ a lesbian? I honestly don't think Nicky would bat an eye,"

"No it's not about that. She's well adjusted and open-minded. I never worry about her. I just question the kinds of kids she goes to school with. Firstly, that high art could be considered pornography and then using a parent's sexuality to make someone feel inferior? We don't pay thousands of dollars for her to attend an academy full of narrow-minded nitwits,"

Dan thought for a moment thinking Blair might be right. "Umm, hey...If she's asking these kinds of questions does that mean she hasn't met Patrick?"

"Umm no," she shook her head uncomfortably.

"If you're waiting for me to give approval I can tell you right now that it's cool with me. It's been awhile,"

"...Oh. Okay well that's good to know then," she cleared her throat.

Over the course of the summer they fell into a comfortable pattern. Dan would wake up to phone calls in the middle of the night so frequently that it was rare if it didn't happen.

"Hello?" he rubbed his eyes.

"...bobbing in the middle of the ocean on a life preserver," Blair said immediately.

"Uh," Dan thought for a moment. "Could you see land at all?"

"No land whatsoever,"

"Was it night or day?"

"Day,"

"Maybe some kind of emotional turmoil," He sat up against his headboard.

"But I was happy...calm and completely at ease,"

"Perhaps you have a positive outlook on life and feel as though nothing can limit you,"

"I'll admit that i've recently regained my confidence and applied to Vanity Fair once again,"

"Thatta girl,"

"I don't appreciate that you expressed approval with a phrase that should be confined to a golden retriever,"

"Well what can I say?," he yawned a little. "I'm proud of you,"

"Well thank you," she said in a near robotic tone.

"Blair?"

"Yes,"

"Can I go back to sleep now?"

"Do you think the colour of the life preserver is significant?" she asked ignoring him.

"Uh,..." he ran a hand through his messy hair. "What colour was it?"

"I'm not sure,"

**FLASHBACK**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"Nina, i'm going to head home for lunch," Blair stood from her desk.

"You haven't eaten lunch with me all week. What's going on?" her friend asked.

"Well everything is taken care of here and I..."

"We need to get everything upstairs by five today, you know that right?"

"Everything will be on time," Blair shrugged throwing her large purse over her shoulder.

"What's going on with you? You've seemed pretty relaxed this week,"

"Have I?" she enquired.

"I don't think you've yelled at anyone all week," Nina's eyes squinted. "Infact, you've been too nice. You should have reamed Celina out for what she pulled yesterday but you didn't,..."

"I suppose it could have to do with Nicky being in Paris," Blair said without concern.

"Oh shipping off your child..." Nina nodded with a laugh. "Yeah that might do it,"

"No, no," Blair rolled her eyes. "With her gone there are _no rules_,..." Blair smirked with insinuation.

"Oh tell me more," Nina pulled a cigarette out of a carton.

"It's not like we didn't have a good sex life before—but it can be at any time of the day and in any room" she sighed. "we can be loud!" she sighed with contentment.

"It's just what we needed. I'm relaxed and he's writing like crazy for the book proposal. You should read some of the stuff he's written..." Blair opened her desk drawer and pulled out a notebook. "I've been doing a little editing. This little number sent me home for lunch yesterday, and this one..." she flipped through the pages. "Is why i'm going home today," bit her lip and handed it over. "Start here," she pointed. Nina set her carton of cigarettes down and began reading. The first line made her look up at Blair with wide eyes.

"Oh my god," she spun in her chair and continued reading.

"I know," Blair nodded with excitement.

"Wow," Nina gulped. "Dan wrote that?"

"His penmanship," Blair chewed on her thumbnail.

"Okay well, you go home then," she laughed shooing her friend.

"Oh I'm going," she picked up her purse and intended on surprising Dan at home.

Blair tapped her foot impatiently at the elevators in her building. She contemplated taking the stairs- whatever would get her to him faster.

"What are you doing?" Dan was standing in the foyer with a mug of fresh steaming coffee when Blair walked in.

"I was hoping to surprise you but,..." she kicked off her heels. Dan smirked and set his mug down on the nearest end table.

"Are you reading my notebook at work?" he cocked an eyebrow with an amused expression.

"I might be taking on an extra project or two..." she bit her lip.

"How long do you have?" he pulled at her hips and brought her flush against him.

"Depends, why?" she played coy starring at his lips.

"I wanted to show you what I wrote this morning," he grabbed her hand and led her into his office. He pulled out his desk chair, once she was sitting in it, he pushed it closer to his computer screen so she could read. It didn't take long before Blair's face was flushed. Dan stood behind her and leaned over pressing kisses to her shoulder.

"_This is nice_," she turned back and gave him a soft kiss. Her eyes fluttered back to the screen and she used the mouse to scroll down to the next page she made a soft sigh of appeasement. Dan pulled her hair off her neck and placed slow, soft kisses against her flushed skin.

"_Does it make you hot_?" he whispered in her ear when he heard her breath hitch. Blair swallowed and leaned into his continuous kisses.

"Is this us?" she purred, her eyes still on the page.

"Mhmm," he kissed down to her shoulder blade and pulled down the strap of her bra.

"Wow," she closed her eyes with a smile when she was finished. "That's umm..." she swallowed trying to flesh out an opinion. "I...mmmm..." she moaned and her neck vibrated against Dan's mouth. "If I was alone i'd need a cold shower..."

"You're not alone,"

"Thank-god..." she reached around and pulled on his head so she could kiss him hard on the lips.

After one of their loudest sessions full of grunts, yelps and moans, they laid on the floor, tangled together with only a blanket to cover them. "What time did you have to get back?" He asked while caressing her arm.

"About two minutes ago," she placed her hand on her forehead and laughed pathetically.

"Just tell them something better came up," he linked his hand with hers and she laughed.

"I should get back," she began to pull away when Dan took a strong hold of her hand. "Believe me I don't want to go. I could lay here on the floor all day with you...just quick trips to the kitchen for sustenance," she bit down on his bottom lip gently and attempted to get up again. Dan wasn't going to let her get away that easily and took a hold of the side of her face pulling her back in for another kiss. This time she surrendered by opening her mouth and letting their tongues touch. "Mmmm," she moaned, her shoulders dropped. Dan's hand dipped down between her legs and she sighed but didn't want to give in. "No,...no more," she protested but didn't move a muscle as he stroked her.

"Just a little," he pressed his forehead against hers and groaned feeling how wet she had already become with just a few touches.

"Uhhh,.." she closed her eyes in pleasure. "Ok,...ok," She inhaled and tried to again push him away.

"Little bit more," he pushed his index finger inside her slow and steady.

"_Okay_,..." her voice trailed off and she panted lightly as he pumped her with such a good pace and rhythm. Blair came undone without an ounce of restraint, she screamed in pleasure because she could. She grinded against his fingers and moaned without worrying anyone could hear her. When she could see straight she sat up. Dan stayed laying down but starred up at her breasts shamelessly. "I'll be right back,"

Dan inhaled as she stood and walked out of the room, he ran a hand over his face wondering if she was actually going to leave him to take of his own predicament. A moment later Dan laughed when Blair walked back into the room still completely free of clothing. His eyes traced her entire body, she was absolute perfection to him. "I thought you were going back to work," he smirked at her apparent change of plans.

"Oh I'm going back," she nodded starring down at him. "I just needed to get this," she showed him the lipstick and compact mirror in her purse. "Stand up," she said in a lusty voice.

"What?"

"Don't question me. Stand up," the words slipped from her plump lips as she applied a blood-red lipstick to her shapely lips. Dan did as he was told and got up, holding the blanket in front of him. "Won't be needing that," she tugged the material from his grasp and threw it to his desk chair. Blair then dropped to her knees and took him into her mouth with ease. Dan grunted in appreciation as he watched her mouth create red rings all over his dick. Each and every one would remind him where her lips at been after she left. Blair worked him with every single one of her skills. She used her strong tongue to give him a near, deep tissue massage. Dan tensed up but tried to hold off because this was too good to rush. Blair pulled her lips off him and looked up with large doe-eyes. "What do you want?"

"What are my options?" he asked smugly.

"Do you want to cum in my mouth or on my face?,"

Dan blinked a little with a soft laugh. Blair had given him options before. He came on her breasts, her stomach, on her thighs before and in her mouth, but she had never given him the option of her face before. He never thought she would, Blair was much too hygienic for that and this was a total shock. "Why are you laughing?" she said impishly before giving him another suck.

"...Uh, I just would have thought you would consider the face as demeaning,"

"Humphrey, I'm your wife," she reminded him, still licking and sucking. "You can do whatever you want to do,"

"God, I love you," Dan breathed, Blair smirked. It wasn't much longer when Blair tensed up slightly but laughed when his load shot up her face.

"How was that Best-friend?" she smiled up at him.

"Oh my god, it was amazing...i'm so sorry," he reached for the box of tissues on his desk.

"I'm going to get in the shower," she pushed the box away from him. "You just,..." she starred down at the red rings on him. "_Write about that_," she gestured.

"You're the best,...I'd kiss you but,..." he shrugged causing Blair to laugh.

"Don't worry,..i'll kiss you before I leave," she smiled as Dan began putting his clothes back on.

"Good," he nodded.

As promised Blair walked back into his office fully clothed. Dan spun in his chair so he could collect his goodbye kiss.

"So tomorrow's Saturday,..." he said with his hand on her face.

"And?" her eyebrows rasied.

"You wanna spend the day without clothes? only making trips to the kitchen for sustenence?" his eyebrows raised and his tongue poked his cheek.

"You sure you want to spend your whole day off in this apartment with me?" she played coy.

"I can't think of anyone I'd rather lock myself up with,"

"Could we maybe change our location to the bedroom where we have a ridiculously comfortable bed and an unlimited supply of films and a large television?"

"You got it bestfriend,"

**PRESENT**

It was a process much like everything but eventually Dan and Blair found their groove again. They would meet at the MET at times when Nicky had piano lessons. They would have dinner whenever they were both free. Blair helped him shop for a suit, they talked on the phone more than ever and Blair could confidently say that Dan was still her best-friend. Somehow they avoided discussing any of the difficult topics and it was smooth sailing. Often Blair would forget about the problems she had with Dan, but was soon reminded when Patrick asked about Dan's personal issues.

"Is he still going to NA meetings?" he asked as she got ready for another outing with her ex.

"...I," she felt her eyes prick and her throat become sore. "Mhm..," she drew in a calming breath hating that he always had to remind her.

"You guys talk about that stuff?" Patrick asked calmly. Blair applied lipstick with her compact mirror wishing he would just let her enjoy her still wrinkle-free complexion.

"Usually we try to live in the present and not dwell on the past," she snapped her compact shut.

"Well it's his reality so I'd say it's pretty current,"

"He's fine Patrick," Blair avoided eye contact.

"No he's not. He has a serious addiction," Patrick said definitively with a hint of disgust.

"No he doesn't," Blair shook her head. "He doesn't do that anymore,"

"How do you know?"

"I know him,"

"So how do you explain how he hid it from you?"

"..._he didn't_," Blair inhaled. "Not well anyway," she cleared her throat.

"What do you mean?" he moved closer to her.

"I knew," she looked away ashamed of herself. "After the first couple times I always knew,... but I stopped doing anything," she said quietly.

"Why?"

"Because," she squeaked. "Have you ever watched the person you love most in the world turn into someone that terrifies you?" her eyes starred at him large and glossy. "Believe me. I'm ashamed that I let it go that long...but it was easier to just let him continue then it was to watch him in withdrawal. I know Dan when he's sober. I know my best-friend," she took a calming breath. "I'll talk to you later," she headed for the elevator. When Blair stepped out of the building and into the warm, sunny streets of New York it took no time at all for her eyes to settle on the guy starring down at his cell-phone with a quizzical expression on his face.

"Hey you," he looked up with a smile. He was wearing a simple black blazer paired with a pair of jeans. Blair hurled towards him and wrapped her hands around his neck giving him a hug that confused him.

"Uh,..." he laughed and blinked as she pulled away. "What's with the warm welcome?"

"I'm just happy to see you, is all," she defended her moment of unguarded affection.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

Nina lifted her fork in the air. "Where are you going?" Nina noticed Blair collecting her bag. "You have a sexy lunch date to get to?" she stuffed some lettuce in her mouth.

"If you can call a waxing appointment a hot date then yeah..."

"Gotta be nice and smooth for Mr. Patrick..." she said with a sarcastic smile.

"It's an eyebrow wax," she blinked with a laugh. "Honestly what is it that you don't like about him?"

"Well he's about as fascinating as a piece of melba toast, but if you like that kind of thing...,"

"Nina, he's not that bad,"

"No I know. I don't eat bread so a piece of melba toast is mildy exciting to me,"

Blair rolled her eyes with a soft laugh. "He doesn't have to interest you. He's dating me,"

"Does he interest _you_?" she asked with doubt.

"...He wants to move in,"

"God no. Don't do that,"

"I don't think it's a good idea. But honestly i've been cleaning out the apartment just in case I change my mind,"

"Do you honestly like him?"

"Patrick is,...good for me,"

"But do you like him?"

"He's everything I need now,"

"But do you like him?" Nina stressed.

"He's financially stable, he doesn't smoke, he likes kids, he's nice,"

"Do you like him?"

"Nina i've been dating him for a year,..."

"But do you like him?" Nina stressed with her eyes growing wide.

"I like him just fine...I don't know. I give myself all these reasons for why we're good together but I know he's more into me than I am in him,"

"How is that ever a bad thing?" Nina scoffed.

"There's just something missing..."

"How's the sex?" Nina asked bluntly.

"Oh feel free to ask any personal question..." her eyes blinked around the office hoping no one was close enough to hear.

"...uh that bad huh?"

"What are you talking about? I didn't say one thing or another,"

"You are one of the biggest sex braggers I know! If I didn't have such a dirty mind I would have told you to stop years ago,"

"It's fine," she played with her earring and signaled to Nina that is was less than impressive. "I've never umm..." she pressed her lips together.

"Sometimes it takes open communication to turn little boys into men," Nina shrugged.

"If I have to help him steer the car one more time..."

"Oh my god he's that bad?"

"Is it just possible that we're incompatible?, he knows what he's doing it's just doesn't work for me," she cringed. "He doesn't take hints...you'd think when the girl stops making sounds of appreciation he'd try something else but no...so I usually just,..." she sighed,

"You do what?" Nina sat up straight.

"I just fake it,..." she cringed.

"Blair!" Nina shouted. "You never fake an orgasm! it promotes an undeserved sense of accomplishment and contributes to unwarrentable egos!" she yelled. "It also doesn't leave room for change. You're doing yourself the biggest disservice!"

"Well, I don't want to upset him," she said through clenched teeth, still hopinh no one would hear.

"Why do you care?," Nina rolled her eyes. "If he's bad tell him!"

"I don't know that he's bad..."

"What do you mean?"

"I think i may have,..." she inhaled. "Checked out a little,"

"Meaning?"

"Well, I've been,..." Blair gulped not sure how Nina would react. "I've been spending time with Dan recently and I feel like it might be possible that he's setting the bar high..."

"Meaning what? you're not having sex with him are you?"

"NO!...Meaning, I want to find someone that's on the same wavelength. I can't date someone significantly lower than my ex because it makes him look appealing,"

"Wow,"

"Wow? no!. No wow. Just I can't date someone that reminds me of how great my ex is,"

"How long have you been doing this?"

"Since the start of the summer,"

"And you never thought to tell me?"

"I thought you might tell me it was a bad idea,"

"It is a bad idea. You yourself just said that your boyfriend makes Dan look like a Prince. I'm not an expert on divorce exactly. Though my father has been divorced five times...so I think I can tell you that if your ex is more appealing than your current spouse,...you have a problem,"

"Well what can I do?"

"What have you been doing?"

"We go to the MET. We've gone to dinner. We've had breakfast with Nicky a few times. We've gone for coffee. We've talked on the phone almost everyday for the last three weeks,...I edited his notebook yesterday," Blair cringed.

"Blair!,...you edited his notebook? c'mon hun you know that's crossing a line,"

"I always did that when we were friends," Blair defended herself.

"You also used to kiss him when you were 'just friends' ,"

"Why are you so keen on seeing us apart. You were the first person that told me we could salvage our marriage. You were the first person that tried to fix it,"

"That was before I knew what happened. He's your ex husband not an ex boyfriend,"

"I know. I know," she closed her eyes. "It's just,..when I feel like nothing makes sense and i'm stressed and then I spend the day with him everything just seems right. It's just easy and I miss that. It's just nice to feel that familiarity, it's comforting," she inhaled sharply and realized what she was saying. "And there's teenage Blair justifying going back to Chuck..."

"Well,..let's be fair, Dan isn't Chuck," Nina reminded her.

"No but this is what I do. I never have the strength I need to do what's right. What will allow me to stay a strong, independent woman over a weak little girl. I don't need him or any man to feel that way I'm just reverting because i'm scared of being alone. I never want to feel so helpless again,"

"I'm very proud of you,"

"This was a great therapy session," Blair chuckled.

"I think you need to break up with Patrick though," Nina said honestly.

"I think you're right," she inhaled wondering how she could ever let him down gently.

"Now be gone you're eyebrows aren't going to wax themselves," she spun in her chair and went back to her salad. "...and while you're laying on the table in agony,... try and figure out why you keep so many god damn secrets from me!" she called after her.

As Blair headed back to her office after her eyebrow wax she called Dan.

"Dan, do you want to have dinner tonight?" she asked quickly and with ease. "You make spaghetti Bolognese,..i'll bring the wine," she said smugly.

"Uh,...I can't," he cleared his throat.

"That's fine," she felt uncomfortable by his reaction.

"No, I'd like to. I'd like to but I have some work stuff,"

"It's okay," she promised. "We can have dinner together anytime,"

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

Dan loved and hated getting Blair's phone calls in the middle of the night.

"What do you want?" he answered without considering being polite.

"Daniel, do you have my copy of 'Rosemary's baby?" she asked ignoring his blunt answer, knowing he was just kidding around. Dan stretched in his bed wondering why she woke him up for that.

"It's my copy," he yawned.

"Then where pray tell is my copy?"

"How would I know?" he asked. There was some rustling on her end and he wondered if she stopped listening to him.

"Blair?"

"Dan..." Blair laughed lightly. "Funny thing,...do me a favor and go open your copy," Dan got up from bed and only as he was half way there did he wonder why he bothered to get up.

"Okay," he clicked the dvd case open. "Oh wow, this IS your copy," he laughed seeing 'Property of Blair Cornelia Waldorf' written on the inside.

"I have yours," she giggled.

"Why don't you keep it," he suggested.

"Only if you keep mine," she smiled into the receiver.

"Go to bed Daisy," he laid down.

"I can't I need to de-clutter this apartment. If you hadn't noticed, I like to shop! I like to shop and my apartment is speaking to me. It's telling me that I don't have room to shop,"

"Why aren't you forcing Dorota to do it? Isn't that your usual solution?" he teased.

"Sure if I trusted her with these things. Dorota doesn't know the difference between Chanel and LL Bean," she groaned.

"Then why don't you get a bigger apartment?" it sounded like the simplest of solutions.

"Try finding one that's within two blocks of your apartment. That's in our divorce agreement so if you can find me one,...great. Until then, i'm stuck in this postage stamp,"

"I don't think your apartment could ever be considered a postage stamp," Dan knew it was spacious.

"My apartment looks like a warehouse"

"Sleep, i'd like to continue it, do you need anything else?"

"Fine. But will you come over and help me?"

"Yes, i'll come over tomorrow after work and help you," he answered.

"How's my baby?" Blair asked.

"_Our_ baby,..." he stressed causing Blair to smile, "...is sleeping, which is exactly what i'd like to be doing,"

"Oh fine Humphrey!," she huffed. "Get your precious beauty sleep,"

"Sweetdreams Bestfriend," he smiled into the receiver.

"...you too bestfriend," she replied.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

A/N: Hope you're pleased that I decided to write a mostly present chapter. I do have present things written I just have a lot of material from the past to get through in order to make certain present aspects relevant. I definitely have a lot written for the present but I just need to sort out things because there are past things that have to come first or else you'll be super confused. So the next chapter will be kind of interesting something will be a shock. Thanks for reading! -FQ


	17. People are Strange

**A/N:** I don't say this enough but you guys rock! I can't believe people are sticking with me. I didn't mean to be cryptic in my last author's note. I simply meant, everyone has a theory. Most of you seem to think I have a certain plan for how i'm going to end it and I don't think anyone has guessed exactly what i'm going to do. I think readers took that the wrong way and assumed I was leading them on with hope and the ending is going to be tragic. Tragedy is not how this fic is going to end. I'm a DB fan and I will be a DB fan when I write the last chapter. I don't plan on putting _anything_ off until the very last chapter, is what I mean. I have planned out a specific path to follow and I hope by the end, you'll all be satisfied and not upset you wasted time waiting for the outcome. Let me address a concern some people are having. Yes the first chapter Blair says that Dan is her husband. That is not a mistake, he is. Some of Blair's diary excerpts are written before and you can tell by how she refers to him. For instance in this chapter she calls him her ex. It's not necessary for you to keep them straight when reading this as a whole story the end should make it clear enough. Blair has always had a diary, she's writing past, present and future.

I'm truly sorry i've taken so long to update. I was really busy but I did make an effort to do some planning for future chapters so that should make it possible for me to update faster in the future. This chapter might seem like a of pointless scenes (I read it that way myself and I wrote it) there needs to be substance for each situation. Be warned, it's a long one, possibly my longest yet. I'm terribly sorry for that, please don't get bored! ENjOY!

(**PEOPLE ARE STRANGE**)

BY: THE DOORS

FROM: THE LOST BOYS

Life doesn't work when you plan it down to the finest of details. When you plan that way, you're never pleased with the outcome. If my ex taught me anything it was that. I planned to spend the rest of my life with my husband and I was disappointed with that outcome. You can't anticipate everything, sometimes things just happen and you have to work with what you're given. I learned that I didn't have a genie who granted wishes and I didn't live in a movie. At thirty five I was happy, not completely satisfied with every facet of my life, but I was happy. Patrick started to think we were becoming serious and was becoming increasingly fond of the idea of us moving in together. I was not prepared to live with a man again, I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to. The one nice thing about Patrick was that he allowed my mind to be open to possibilities. I knew he wasn't my perfect match, I knew we wouldn't last, but I also knew it was possible to find comfort in someone other than Dan. My only problem with this was that every time I was around my ex husband I felt the uncontrollable urge to hold him close and pretend the last decade never happened. Sometimes I looked at him and swore I didn't see my ex husband, or even my current husband, but my boyfriend. Sometimes I wanted to go back and fall in love with him all over again, pretend nothing ever pulled us apart. I was familiar with this girl, this girl that wanted to revert back to her younger days. The girl that was afraid of change and walked back into unhappy situations just because it felt like home. It's what happened when I was dating Nate and never saw a different path for myself other than marrying him and becoming Anne Archibald 2.0. I planned to marry Nate the moment I laid eyes on him. He was beautiful and I was proud of him. Every girl wanted to date him but he was _mine_. I don't think I was ready to have sex when we started. I remember it being sloppy and quick. We giggled like the teenagers we were and rolled around messing up the pristine sheets that Dorota had laid out. I thought I knew everything there was to know about sex, or so I thought as a teenager girl who had only been with a guy who was just as new to it as I was.

I thought I understood my body completely until Chuck. That relationship was wrong on so many levels. It was as if he actually stole a piece of my identity, sucked the life out of me and made me weak. I would rather be the girl who giggled at Nate's ticklish touch and roll around, naive about what her body could actually achieve in a state of pleasure, than know but feel ashamed of who she had become. I knew it was a problem when I compromised for him. When I skipped classes to spend his only moments during the day with him I consciously knew it was a problem but couldn't do anything about it. I went back to him time and again because I couldn't start over now. I was afraid of the future, and his apartment, and his touch was the only thing that felt like home to me. There were countless reasons why I look at that relationship with disgust. The only thing I would ever be able to take away from that relationship was my awakened sexuality that not only allowed me to be much more open to my desires but in a way matured me for the relationship I would find after him.

The intimacy I found with Dan was something I had never experienced before. It wasn't like with Nate where I felt they were on two different wave lengths. It wasn't like with Chuck where I was frightened but turned on at the same time. With Dan there was an incomparable feeling of all encompassing trust. Like when we discussed films, or when our minds went a mile a minute during a lecture. Love with him was comfortable like a knowing smile or an inside joke.

I would be lying if I said I didn't love all my boyfriends because I did. In my high-school fresh-man days I loved Nate wholeheartedly. But Nate broke my heart when he cheated on me with my best-friend. Chuck stole my heart but stomped on it repeatedly. Dan held on to my heart and cultivated it, mended it, and I trusted him with it entirely, completely without question, without fear. It took a full year for me to fully move on from Nate after he betrayed me. It took a whole year of completely cutting ties from Chuck before I stopped feeling broken. I had been with Dan so long, I knew it would be different. It was going to take longer than a year. I was helplessly bound to him and I feared the feeling would never go away. at thirty-five, a mature business woman with incomparable self esteem and confidence just wanted to be twenty again. I wanted to start over. I wanted to be the girlfriend of the brilliant guy who loved literature and occasionally smelled like well-brewed coffee.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Dan stood in front of the elevator not feeling exceptionally comfortable with letting himself into his ex wife's home. Something about it felt strange so he politely waited in the foyer until she greeted him. He found it amusing that her current apartment was so swept free of him when he had Degas prints hanging on his brick walls. He told himself that was for Nicky's sake but he knew deep down that he wasn't ready to let go of something that reminded him of the home they all shared together. "Oh you're here! thank goodness. I need you to lift all these totes and bring them to the living-room." Dan set his book bag down on a chair and went to work helping Blair with her clutter problem. "This isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be," Dan shrugged looking at the boxes now sitting on the floor.

"Oh there's more," she said easily.

"I can't stay too long," he said catching Blair off guard.

"...Oh okay," she nodded uncomfortably. "Then we should work quickly. I guess we can just tackle the photos and Nina can help me with the clothes later," she opened one of the totes that had been full to the brim with photo envelopes. Blair grabbed three and announced which each contained before pulling out more.

"Our engagement pictures," she smacked them down on the coffee table. "Hawaii...," she placed that one down with the other and gasped at the third envelope that she peered into. "My baby!" she said excitedly turning it to show Dan they were photos of Nicky.

"For someone usually so organized you sure have a problem," Dan took the envelope from her and smiled as he shuffled through them.

"They are moments frozen in time Daniel!" she defended herself. "They preserve memories and construct memories. For instance,..." she lifted a photo of newborn Nicky to show Dan. "I know everything about this day, from this single photo. I remember the room, I remember the first time I laid eyes on her,..." she turned the photo so she could look at it. "I remember your face the first time you laid eyes on her," she said quietly as she placed that photo in the pile that she planned on framing or having Dorota scrapbook it for her.

"I couldn't believe she was mine," Blair went to the next photo.

"I could," Dan said. "She looks just like you,"

"Oh bachelorette photos!" Blair ignored him and smiled brightly looking through the photos of herself, Nina and girls from the office.

"Let me see those," Dan laughed looking through them. It was rare to see Blair look so uninhibited.

"Did I tell you I ran into Chuck that night?"

"You did?" he laughed. "Out at some bar?"

"Laying on the sidewalk after he had been kicked out actually," Blair rolled her eyes with a scoff. "I showed him my ring and he was just livid. He congratulated me on becoming the queen of squaller. I reminded him that he was the one in the ditch..." she pulled out more envelopes. "Nate and Nina, your award, Winston,"

Blair found so many Christmas photos from over the years. She pulled out all Dan's family members and placed them in a pile for him to take home. She didn't have a use for photos of Dan's Grandpa Jake and Nana. She had enough memories of them. For instance, the first Christmas she and Dan were together, she learned that Rufus got his natural musical talent from his father who was rather incredible with a guitar. She watched with wonder as Jenny coerced Dan into singing with the rest of the family. Nana explained that she was no Humphrey and she didn't have the singing gene. That is why she was a spectator and not participator. Rufus' guitar accompanied Jake's and they began to sing, one at a time as if there was a specific way in which the song had to be sung. Dan's grandfather's voice was something else, Blair wondered if he was ever in a band like his son. Jenny smacked an embarrassed Dan on the back which reluctantly made him start to harmonize with the other men. It was a religious Christmas song, 'We Three Kings' if she remembered correctly. Blair could tell Jenny enjoyed this tradition much more than Dan as she smiled brightly waiting for her turn to join in. Jenny had an incredible voice, it was smoky and went perfect with the jazzy way Rufus and Jake were strumming. She really felt the song and closed her eyes when trying to hit certain notes. It wasn't hard to see why she was given a solo. Everyone smiled at her with pride. It was really nice to see this side of Jenny, who was probably a good reflection of who she was before she started at Constance. Blair wasn't sure if Dan was just uninterested because she was there watching him or if he actually hated this tradition. When it was over, Nana clapped loudly, Blair followed her lead. Dan explained to his grandmother that he was getting too old for family glee club, she told him that was nonsense.

There were a couple photos of Dan and Blair from that Christmas. Candid, completely unaware that they were having their photo taken just like all the photos she had of them from the cottage. There weren't many more after that. A couple shots that Nana had sent Blair of the Christmas after they were married. Absolutely zero photos of Nicky with Dan's grandparents. Blair always seemed to like Dan's nana up until they had a falling out not long before Nicky was born. Blair always felt bad that she was part of the reason Dan didn't keep in touch with his grandparents anymore. But he was so loyal to the decision they made, and for that she was always grateful.

"This is actually more difficult than I thought," Blair held up a few sweet photos of Rufus and Nicky. "Our lives are so tangled together," she starred at one picture. "If you don't mind i'll just take one of these,"

"No go for it. Keep any that you want," he explained. "I just want an album worth,"

"Okay well," she gestured to a pile they had accumulated. "I guess you have them,"

"Yeah," he stuffed them into a photo envelope. "So,...do you need me to help you put them into albums or..."

"...I'm," she inhaled wondering if he was actually going to leave now. They hadn't had much progress and she was actually enjoying doing this with him. "I'm capable of doing that myself..." she said trying to mask her disappointment. "and Nina is going to be over to help me with the clothes so..." she gulped.

"Yeah, i'm sorry. I forgot I had plans," he scratched the back of his neck.

"What kind of plans?" she hoped it didn't sound too nosy.

"Work stuff," he shrugged. "Anyway, thanks for these. I'll see you next weekend,"

"Right, okay," she nodded putting down the pictures to see him out.

"Oh no, don't get up. I know my way out," he smiled and then waved. For someone that had been her best-friend for years, he seemed like a stranger. For about an hour after he left Blair put pictures in albums and felt an odd sinking feeling in her chest.

**FLASHBACK**

Judging the women's outfits lasted longer than usual today. Heather was wearing a white trench coat that was in serious need of dry cleaning but it was still better than Stephanie's dark burgundy poncho with ratty tassels and ambiguous stain. Blair looked down at her outfit quickly and then back up at theirs. Tina and Joanne both looked like they rolled out of bed, Kelly's hair looked like it hadn't seen a hairbrush in months and Gillian had a banana clip holding up her dirty blonde locks. Blair couldn't fathom why they didn't try harder, she had always found the time to wear clean clothes and brush her hair.

It had been a beautiful fall day, the children were so actively playing that most of them asked to take off their jackets. Blair declined when Nicky asked if she could remove her jacket as well. The women at the picnic table all became quiet as they watched Blair interact with her daughter. Quickly they came to the conclusion that Dan must have been the nurturing parent while Blair was quite stand-offish and more interested in her daughter's independence. Just last week Nicky's princess themed birthday party had been quite the event. Blair spent the day on her cell-phone making sure everything was going according to plan. Through all the macron towers and tea pots, the women noticed she spent more time with the adult guests, while Dan spent more time on his daughter's level. The only time she put down the cellphone was for a family photo they took when Nicky blew out her candles. What the ladies didn't know was that Blair spent the better part of the day getting manicures and pedicures then having afternoon tea and sandwiches, just her and her daughter.

"No, you're not taking it off. It's too cold," Blair declined.

"...But I'm warm," Four year-old Nicky tugged at her houndstooth peacoat.

"Your pink nose tells otherwise," Blair pulled her close and re-buttoned the jacket to Nicky's displease.

"Please..." Nicky asked. Blair knew she just wanted to be like everyone else and this had little to do with how uncomfortable she was.

"We can always leave if you're too warm," Blair watched as Nicky shook her head back and fourth. "Come here. Let me fix your hat,"

This had only been the third week of Blair taking Nicky to play-group in the park. She suspected they would rather have Dan there. He was a good listener and always fascinated with women. Whenever Blair was out of earshot the other girls would gossip about how Blair and Dan ended up together, they also made bets for how long their marriage would last.

"Should I invite her to the Passion Party?" Stephanie whispered.

"What? no!" Heather's eyes widened with distaste that she would even consider inviting abrasive Blair to her party.

"I wonder what it's like in their house,..." Gillian said under her breath as Blair fixed Nicky's hair so it would fit under her beret better.

"_She's a total control freak_..." Tina side eyed Gillian.

"Sorry." Blair sat back down. "Where were we?"

"We were just,..._discussing Nicky's birthday party_. It was great," Stephanie smiled carefully so as not to bother her friends with pleasantries.

"So lovely of you to invite us," Heather said in a monotone.

"It was very,..." Tina inhaled. "_Extravagant_," she said uncomfortably.

"Thank-you," Blair tried to be humble and not smug about it. "A girl only turns four once," she laughed lightly.

"The cake was incredible,"

"Did you want the number of the bakery?. I might have a card,..." she began riffling through her Louis Vuitton. " They did our wedding cake and i'd hardly be exaggerating if I said it was orgasmic," she could drool just thinking about the red velvet, chocolate ganache.

"I'm in definite need of that card!," Stephanie laughed accepting the bakery business card from Blair's outstretched hand.

"Why? what's happening?" Gillian asked. Blair found it rather rude of her to ask such a personal question but perhaps the women were better friends than she thought. She always talked to Nina about such things.

"I don't think we've had in eight weeks," Stephanie sighed.

"What?" Gillian's eyes grew wide.

"I just don't see how we can make time for it," Stephanie shrugged.

"You have to make time for it!" Heather spoke up. "If you're not having sex what is the point of being married? send the kids to their grandparents for a night. You can't spend every second with them. You need mommy and daddy time,"

Blair wondered how the hell these women could complain about not having the time. She was fairly certain Stephanie was a stay-at-home mother, if she could find the time with a full time and demanding career, surely Stephanie could find the time.

"Blair, thoughts?" they asked for her input. Blair took her eyes off Nicky who was laughing with some of the other little girls.

"Oh umm, it's definitely important," she nodded before glancing back at her daughter. Nicky must have gotten her adventure seeking from Dan Blair thought, then cringed as she watched her jump in a puddle.

"Do you have trouble finding the time?" Stephanie asked Blair who was thinking about how she would let Dorota do Nicky's laundry that week. "Blair?"

"Oh, I _always_ find the time," she smirked looking back at Nicky.

"How?" Stephanie asked, honestly wanting advice.

"I have an elevator," Blair deadpanned, sending the women into a fit of laughter.

"so what are we talking? once a week? twice a week?" Gillian asked looking too interested.

"Twice probably," Blair starred back at Nicky who began building a leaf fort with the other girls.

"Oh I expected more than that," Gillian laughed. "That's pretty average i'd say,"

"Twice a week _would_ be average," Blair's eyes narrowed on her. "but like i said, it's twice a week in the elevator. We have an office with a lock and an en-suite with a jet tub, we also have a _bed,"_ she stressed with growing eyes, It might have been a little rude but she didn't care for the questions. "and on top of that we have a daughter with an eight-o-clock bedtime," she said with a little sass. How on earth was Stephanie having such a problem.

"Oh,"

"It's really not that strange..." Blair rolled her eyes.

"I just don't see how you have the drive or energy with a four year-old and a demanding full time job to do it more than twice a week,"

"Well,..." Blair began.

"Have you seen Dan!?" Gillian shouted. Blair's eyes zeroed in on the woman and instantly wondered if that was supposed to be an innocent compliment or if she was crossing a line. "Girl makes the time!" Blair swallowed hard and pressed her lips together willing herself to remain pleasant, she was determined to prove that she could make friends with any woman regardless of socio economic standing.

"So what's it like in your bedroom Blair?" Gillian asked.

"Excuse me?" Blair's eyes grew wide with annoyance and shock. Gillian was not making this easy for her.

"You sound like you have the most active sex life here,...tell us celibate nuns what we're missing,"

"I'd really rather not..." she felt her face get hot, she felt her body tense as if she was ready to pick a fight. She didn't know if the anger came from being aware that Gillian was the only single girl in the group or if she would be upset if that came out of anyone's mouth. Quickly she reigned herself in with a calming breath. Before Blair could try and steer the conversation in another direction that wasn't so invasive she heard her daughter's voice.

"Mummy!," it came sharp and in a near panic. Blair looked up to see Nicky's hands out in front of her, they were covered in blood. Her face with a smear across her forehead and more blood running down to her chin.

"Oh my god!" Blair stood from the park bench. She kicked off her heels quickly not caring where they landed and made her way towards the cold and probably wet, playground tarmac.

"Well I did not expect that," Tina commented on Blair's reaction. None of the women expected Blair to rush over like that.

"Let me see, let me see!," Blair bent down in front of her shaking daughter who was too shocked to even cry. The blood had spread out and it was now pooling over her cheek and dripping off her chin.

Quickly Gillian pulled tissues and wet naps out of her bag and handed them to a thankful Blair who now had blood drips all over her scarf and trench coat. "it's probably just a tiny little cut. It's a blading surface so it just looks worse than it is," Gillian continued to hand Blair tissues as Nicky began to cry.

"It's okay," Blair promised her. "Thank-you," She took the tissues from Gillian and pressed them gently against Nicky's head. "It's okay. It's just a little scratch," she held pressure against her head.

"Do you want a bandaid?" Blair watched as Stephanie searched her ugly satchel bag.

"Thank-you so much," she took it from her and quickly placed it over Nicky's cut now that it had stopped bleeding.

"Sshh," she kissed her hair knowing she was frightened more than she was in any pain. "You're okay, it's just a little cut," she squeezed her close and felt her body shake. Blair asked if she wanted to head home. Nicky nodded, Blair assumed she had been more embarrassed than anything. The other kids stood around her starring, and Blair just wanted to whisk her away. "Are you sure?,...you want to come sit with me for a little while?" Nicky shook her head, her lip shaking violently, she wanted to leave. "Okay let's go," she lifted her baby and placed her on her hip.

"See you next week?" Stephanie asked as Blair attempted to get her shoes back on.

"I'm actually going back to work so she'll be here with a nanny next week," Blair explained once she was standing tall.

"Oh right," she nodded. "Well we're having a passion party," she pulled an invitation out of her bag. "Completely understand if you're too busy,...it's just a small presentation and no pressure to purchase anything,...we're just use it as an excuse to socialize without the kids and have a few cocktails,"

"Oh umm," Blair accepted the card. "I'll see what I can do," she smiled.

"Say bye to Nicky she's going home," Gillian told her son.

"Feel better sweetheart," Heather squeezed her hand.

"Say bye," Blair whispered to her. After Nicky wiped her eyes she said bye to everyone.

"Bye Blair. Say Hi to Dan for us," Gillian smirked.

"I will," she smiled sarcastically hating that they were so enthralled with her husband.

When they got home, Blair placed Nicky on the kitchen counter and pulled the bandaid off gently so she could clean her wound properly. "How did this happen?," she said sweetly to Nicky who still looked visibly shaken up.

"I don't know," she sniffed. "I just fell,...Is it going to be there forever?" she asked her mom in a sad voice.

"No, it'll heal up and you won't even know it was there," she pressed a tender kiss to her cheek and changed her bandaid. The elevator doors made a ding. "Look who's home," Blair said turning to the archway to find Dan walking in with a small unmistakable gold and pink box.

"Hey," a smile spread across his face, he knew Blair saw the box.

"For me?" she held her hands out.

"Only if you share them," he handed the Laudree, macron box to her. "I walked by on my lunch break and decided I couldn't pass them up," he leaned in for a kiss that Blair was happy to oblige him with. "You're not going to believe what I have in my briefcase..." Dan looked to Nicky and noticed her bandaid.

"Hey what happened?" he asked softly.

"I almost bleeded to death," she exaggerated in a tiny voice. Dan's eyes fell on Blair. She shook her head.

"She took a little tumble and hit her head. There's so many blood vessels there, it looked way worse than it was,"

Dan grabbed her off the counter and squeezed her. "Well i'm glad you're okay,"

"I'm going to take her to see the Doctor tomorrow. I wonder if she's anemic," Blair frowned and looked at her sympathetically. Her hand lifted and gingerly smoothed out her daughter's hair. "I thought she looked a little pale..."

"Mommy worries too much," Dan pressed a kiss to Nicky's temple. She rested against his shoulder contently.

"How was work?" Blair asked opening the macron box to see her got all her favorites.

"Oh you know, the life of a publishing agent. Thoroughly exciting!" he said sarcastically. "For some reason everyone wants their protagonist to be a vampire..." he made a disapproving face.

"Daniel, when you were a little boy,... did you you want to crush people's dreams for a living?" Blair sung expressing her distaste of him working in an office, judging other people's work and not creating his own.

"When I was a little boy I wanted to be Spider-man," Dan deadpanned. Nicky laughed out loud. "I told three writers if they can change the vampire into another supernatural being or creature i'll consider reading it," he rubbed Nicky's back.

"See! you're so jaded already," she pouted her lips at him.

"Tomorrow i'm probably going to get pitched all zombie protagonists..." he groaned.

"Dan, you know that zombies are the antagonists," she giggled.

"Oh right! well i'll look forward to that!"

"No one said you had to go back to work. You could stay home and write," Blair reminded him with an eyebrow raise.

"I wouldn't be able to live with myself," Dan said easily.

"Dan,..." Blair sighed.

"I have something for you," Dan ignored Blair and looked to Nicky.

"You do?" Nicky asked.

"Yepp," he used his free hand to pull a sketchbook out of his briefcase, then opened it on the counter-top.

"Picky Nicky?" Blair almost spit out the raspberry confection that she was already eating. "You didn't?" Blair's jaw dropped as she leaned over to get a better look.

"Doug loved it. Sent it to the art department and they gave me a mock up,"

"Wow, look Nic,...looks just like you," Blair pointed out the cartoon girl.

"What do you think of yourself?" Dan flipped the page to show Blair her cartoon likeness dressed in an audrey inspired outfit. Blair giggled with approval and Nicky's eyes were glued to the pages as Dan flipped.

"Why am I so tan?" she laughed.

"I gave him a picture of us in Hawaii but for some reason I still look like a ghost,"

"The story of a little Girl named Nicky who was very picky," she read through the pages of the mock up that resembled something close to Robert Munsch. Nicky looked up and smiled brilliantly. "Do you like it?" Blair asked her, Nicky nodded uncharacteristically without words and snuggled back into Dan's shoulder.

"You wanna lay down sweets?"

"Can I watch 'Beauty and the Beast'?" she asked in a slightly sad voice. Dan looked up as if to ask Blair. When Nicky was happily watching her movie Dan returned to Blair.

"She's acting really weird,..." Dan gestured.

"she's shaken up. It was kind of terrifying. I just looked up and she was covered. Hardly made a sound just stood there in complete shock. Thankfully, Gillian had wet wipes and bandaids,"

"She's nice right?" Dan smiled.

"She's okay," Blair rolled her eyes a little and dug into the box for another macron.

"You hate them," Dan chuckled referring to the play-group women.

"I don't hate them,"

"It's okay if you do. You don't have to see them again,"

"Well, I was invited to a passion party at Stephanie's,"

"And you're considering going?"

"Yeah,"

"You don't have to,"

"Dan!, I'm actually doing really well. I think they actually might like me even,"

"You really care about what these women think of you..." Dan's eyes narrowed.

"Let's change the subject," Blair's eyes danced around. "I think you should quit publishing,"

"No,"

"Dan! you're miserable in that office!"

"I'd be more miserable if I lived off your money,"

"It's an idea in your head and that's all it is. It's not your money and my money, it's _our_ money. You never used to feel emasculated,"

"Is that what you think this is about?" he asked. "No, it's not like that. I'm perfectly fine with you being the bread winner, It's how things have always been. What I don't like is that I could sit at my office chair for years and make nothing. And what does that make me?"

"Dedicated,"

"No, it makes me a freeloader. It makes me the guy who lives off his wife while he follows a pipe dream,"

"It's not a pipe dream. You're an author!"

"I want to be on par with you. I want to be in your circle,"

"Why is that so important to you?"

"Because,..._you're incredible_," Dan tilted his head. Blair froze in front of him. "I don't know if anyone has ever told you this, Blair Waldorf, but you're a catch," Blair rolled her eyes with a smile and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Well, let me tell you,...you are too. I hear what women say about you,"

"Whhat?" he sang moving back so he could see her face.

"You have admirers," she played coy as if she didn't want to tell him that. "...I'm not looking for a trade up Humphrey," she leaned in and kissed him.

"Well, it is nice to know I have options in the event you do decide to trade up to a newer, better earning model,"

"Everyone knows the older models last longer,..." Blair bit her lip and smirked causing Dan to laugh.

"Some women don't want them too last too long,...I can work very fast in some instances...Meet me in the elevator in two?" Dan's eyebrows raised. Blair pulled her arms off Dan and peeked around the corner to see Nicky's eyes attached to the television screen.

"Think I can get her to switch it to Lion King?" she asked.

"I'm not taking the risk," Dan said. Blair laughed as he grabbed her hand pulling her towards the elevator.

"No, no, no," she declined and pulled away.

"Fine," Dan gave up and headed for the coffee machine. Blair approached him slowly as he stuck a mug under the sensor, she snuck up and pressed a slow, lingering kiss on his neck.

"_Yeah, I thought so_," he pulled her to the elevator.

Less than ten minutes later Nicky's parents exited the elevator and causally diverged in opposite directions. Dan went straight for the coffee machine and Blair walked through the living-room to check on Nicky who hadn't moved a muscle from the couch. She was wrapped up in her blanket like a cocoon, her face poking out and showing her bright pink bandaid.

"How's your head?" Blair asked taking a seat beside her.

"It's okay," she answered.

"Do you want a macron?" she said with a french accent.

"Non Merci," she tried to look past Blair's hair that was blocking her view of the television. Blair leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.

"Hey, do we have plans tomorrow?" Dan asked while holding a mug out to her. Blair snickered at his tie that was twisted and disheveled.

"I'm interviewing nannies why?" she fixed his tie so it fell properly.

"Oh I just wanted to go into the office and talk about a commission,"

"Oh?" she took the coffee cup hoping he would tell her more. "Article? Review?"

"Uh novel actually,"

"Oh wow," she smiled into her cup.

"It's different. A character driven examination,"

"Scary stuff?" she brought the cup to her lips.

"I'm not too sure," he lifted his eyebrows before taking a sip. "Anyway, i'm going to go in for the afternoon,"

"Well i'm going to that Passion party tomorrow night so when will I see you?"

"Isn't that the kind of party where the women drink a lot of wine, get out measuring tapes and talk about their husband's..."

"Even if it is," Blair sung. "... you have nothing to be ashamed of," Blair smirked, Dan looked even more skeptical now.

**XOXOX**

The next night Blair had dropped Nicky off at Heather's house for her first sleepover with all the little girls from playgroup. Blair was surprised to find that Heather had an Au Pair from Sweden. She couldn't wait to tell Dan that little piece of gossip. First that the middle class family could afford an au pair, and then that she was scary beautiful. She was the kind of girl that never gets hired because secretly no woman, no matter how much they trust their husband would hire an au pair that looked like her unless she wanted to test or torture him.

"I mean seriously...what was she thinking?" Blair spoke from inside the en-suite.

"You wouldn't hire a Swedish Au Pair?" Dan laid on his back on the bed.

"Absolutely not!" she called from through the door.

"Why?" Dan chuckled turning on to his stomach.

"It's like dangling a juicy steak in front of a hungry hyena. No man needs that habitual temptation,"

"Sooo what are you saying exactly,"

"Dan, I trust you with my heart and soul and I still want Nicky's nanny to resemble the witch from Cinderella," she chuckled to herself.

"Oh don't do that to our baby, she's terrified of that old bag,"

"Okay, how bout a woman that looks like one of the seven dwarfs?" she smiled on her way out of the en-suite. Dan looked up to see Blair's hair had been pulled around her shoulder, curls cascading down to her cleavage, her dress was black and her shoes were red patent pumps. Somehow she looked very European.

"Oh my little french ingenue," Dan got up to capture her in his arms. His hands dipping below her waist and running up and down the curve of her butt before his lips found hers. "Mmm," Blair smiled into the kiss and deepened it, happier than ever that she hadn't put her red lipstick on yet. Dan's head dipped down and began kissing her neck, one of his hands left her butt and teased her zipper.

"_You gotta be quick_..." she whispered in a breathy voice as her lips brushed his ear. As he began to pull at the zipper Blair stopped him.

"I shouldn't,...I wouldn't want them to hate me for being late,"

"No they wouldn't hate you for that," Dan kissed the corner of her lip, "might hate you for looking better than all of them..,,"

"Dan,.." Blair rolled her eyes lightly.

"Screw em, stay home with me. I'll take you out,"

"I want to make friends,"

"I'm your friend! i'm your best-friend," he pouted.

"I want to prove to you that I'm capable of having friendships with women that aren't Nina,"

"You don't have to prove anything to me,"

"Well then i'm proving it to myself,"

"I feel like in a couple weeks they're all going to follow you around like minions," Blair turned from him.

"No, no..." Dan pulled her flush against him, she pecked him on the lips quickly then grabbed her red lipstick off the vanity and applied it quickly without using a mirror, she had perfected that skill over the years.

"Sorry, I can't,...lipstick," she pointed at her plump juicy lips then sat at her vanity and brushed on a second coat of mascara.

Dan pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Nate. "What are you doing tonight? Blair is going to some sex toy party and Nicky is at a sleepover,"

"I'm meeting _my guy_ in a bit," Nate answered. Dan wasn't sure he really wanted to hangout with Nate and his drug dealer. "We're just having a few drinks. It's not a deal or anything. You wanna come?"

"...uhyeah," he stretched. After Dan hung up with Nate he called out to Blair while sprawled out diagonally on their bed. "I have plans too!"

"Yeah with who? Nate?" she scoffed.

"Oh shut up...you're going out to talk about how many inches your husband's are packing,"

"We are not!"

**XOXOXOXOX**

**Two hours later**

"Size means nothing. It's all about how he uses it!," Tina shouted.

"Speak for yourself," Blair groaned pouring herself another glass of champagne.

"Girth!...all about girth," Heather looked around the room seeing if everyone agreed.

"It is a combination of the two,"

"Listen,..." Blair swallowed the champagne still in her mouth and pointed around at the women. "While it's true that size isn't everything. There is such a thing as too small,"

"No, that's not true,"

"Stop defending your husband's little..." Blair shut up and they all burst into laughter. Blair covered her mouth and apologized to Tina.

"Oh my god," Stephanie's eyes zeroed on Blair's ring. Blair looked at her ring and realized that they hadn't seen it before because she had always worn gloves at the park. "Blair it's so beautiful," she gushed.

"Thank-you," she smiled genuinely. "He did a good job," she nodded sweetly.

"God, look at this Gill!,..."

"I saw," she smirked quickly going back to a neutral expression. "Must adore you," she gulped at her champagne.

"Okay ladies the presentation is about to begin,"

"Oooo," Blair and the girls giggled.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Standing at a VIP table in an expensive club, Dan had just met someone that had been in Nate's life for years. His drug dealer- Big Mike. From what Dan could tell Mike got his nickname for being well known and not for his literal size. He was average to slender build and average height, he wore a well fitted suit. Dan instantly thought of him as a less gaudy Chuck Bass type.

"Mike and I have known each-other forever. Our parents ran in the same circles," Nate explained after Mike and Dan shook hands and sat down.

"Have you seen Bass lately?" Mike asked as if Dan wasn't there. Nate shook his head and Mike went on laughing about how pathetic Chuck Bass had become in the last few years. "Fucking degenerate," he looked up as a server came by their table. "Whatever you guys want, it's on me,"

"Oh,..that's okay," Dan said uncomfortably. "You didn't know I was coming so don't worry about me,"

"No, I insist,"

"I'd really rather..." Dan spoke up when Nate silenced him.

"Dan, Mike owns the place, take the free beer,"

"Oh you own a night club..." Dan nodded.

"I own four," Mike answered. "And all of them are better than that piece of shit, Victor, Victrola," Dan then realized that Mike had to be Chuck Bass' biggest rival. "He runs his father's company into the ground..." he stated. "his father's hard earned business,...multi billion dollar business mind you! and he fucking runs it into the ground!"

"I know man, it's brutal," Nate agreed. It wasn't enough, it seemed as though Mike only wanted to bash Chuck tonight.

"My dad still can't stop talking about it," Mike said. "How does one manage that?"

"Downward spiral, made a lot of stock market trades,...most were mistakes, bought useless property, invested poorly, spent more than he earned..." Nate listed off everything.

"Bart would be rolling in his grave,"

"When his girlfriend left him he went nuts," Nate said. "Oh Mike," Nate's eyes widened with realization. "Dan is married to her now,"

"...you're shitting me," Mike's eyes gleamed as though Dan had just become his best-friend. "Oh my god, did you break them up?" he leaned in closer.

"No no no no," Dan shook his head. "We got together quite awhile after that. We didn't really know each-other well when she broke up with him,"

"Small world," Mike blinked. "I'd give anything to see his face that night. Just see the start of that spiral,"

"I was there the night she broke up with him for good,"

"So was I," Dan nodded remembering how Serena dragged him outside when Chuck and Blair were fighting in the street. Dan knew it had been for real that time because instead of stomping off or crying as she walked away. Blair walked over and hugged him. It was very calm and quiet, she wasn't crying, when she pulled away she smiled and went her separate way.

"Just curious, why do you hate him so much?"

"Fucker tried to force himself on my sister,"

"Damn," Dan's could see the anger in his eyes but didn't feel it was necessary to explain that he hated Chuck for the same reason, he hated the guy enough and didn't want to add fuel to his hatred right now. Somewhere along the way, the conversation changed and Nate and Mike were talking about other people they mutually knew.

"Now that right there,..." Nate leaned back in his chair to get a better look at a woman, "Is proof that god is a man,..._fuck_," He glared up at her tan legs that went on forever.

"Nate, I don't care how hot she is. Personality is key. For every bombshell, there's a guy who's sick of fucking her,"

Dan took a swig of his beer, "What?" Mike asked thinking Dan was disagreeing with him due to his silence.

"Nothing," Dan shook his head.

"Dan used to date Serena Van der Woodsen," Nate smiled into his glass.

"Not necessary Nate..." Dan starred at him.

"No see, that's exactly what I mean!" Mike nodded. "She was probably a pain in the ass right?"

"You have no idea..." Dan finished his beer.

"Serena basically stalked Dan and his wife for like their first few years of marriage,"

"Gotta big dick?" Mike asked casually.

"What? excuse me?" Dan was caught off guard. Mike laughed out loud and looked to Nate.

"Is he for real?," Mike pointed at Dan.

"Don't let the way he dresses fool you," Nate set his glass down. Dan squinted at what he was insinuating. "Dan and I got into some serious shit when we were younger. He just grew up," Nate explained their hot boxing and the couple times they ate magic mushrooms and hung out at time square. Dan was laughing as Nate recalled some of their adventures. "We did E once!" Nate sat up straight with a huge smile, Dan covered his eyes and groaned not wanting to relive that night.

"No kidding?" Mike looked to Dan somewhat shocked. Dan raised his eyebrows as to answer. "Shit..." Mike was very surprised with Dan and realized he had him all wrong. He wasn't the prude he thought he was.

"I actually don't remember much of that night and i'm not sure i want to,..." Nate starred at Dan for a moment.

"What? you guys wake up in bed together?"

"No we had girlfriends with us that night," Nate blinked for a second.

"You guys had sex on MDMA?" Mike's eyebrows lifted. "That fucks with you. Like sex after that sucks, you're drive will go way down,"

"It was only once. I think that night got so out of hand that I remember swearing off any substance that wasn't good old Mary-Jane,"

"Was this with Serena?" Mike asked.

"What do you think?" Nate chuckled. Serena had always been known for her partying. "I'm just trying to recall if we swapped them..." Dan's eyes narrowed trying to recall.

"Ashley?" Dan asked with a growing smile.

"Hhhhhhhyeah..."Nate nodded with a building laugh. "You had it out for her,"

"I did not..., you had it out for Serena,"

"I got the shaft in that deal and you know it!"

"Ashley was a gymnast," Dan deadpanned and Mike clapped his hands together amused.

"And Serena basically spent the night beside the toilet,"

"No but seriously we didn't swap them,"

"I could have sworn..."

"I don't do that shit, you're thinking of someone else. Besides I sat on the bathroom floor with Serena as she spilled her guts for hours,"

"Dan!" Nate leaned closer, "You fucking liar!," he said through clenched teeth. "We thought it would be a great idea to trade for the night. Everyone was into it..."

"No..."

"I spent the night on the floor with her, you spent the next day. I also recall her being pissed at you..."

Dan's mind reeled and his jaw dropped, "You are a terrible influence..." Dan said seriously starring at him.

"Yeah cause you were always a goodie goodie..." Nate said sarcastically. "At thirteen I was reading comic books and you were smoking,"

"That's different!" Dan laughed.

"What a coincidence...I was just going to head out for one, you coming?"

"Nah," Dan shook his head. "I don't do that anymore,"

"How long has it been now?" Nate asked as Mike stood.

"uhh," Dan rubbed his hands together, "Well, we had cigars after Nicky was born and that's it,"

"So almost exactly four years,"

"Tonight seems like a good night to fall off the wagon no?" Mike smirked.

"I can't. I wish I could...trust me, I would love to!" he bit his lip after a moment and Nate sensed he could have probably been convinced.

"Blair would kill you. Don't,"

"No i'm not going to,"

"Suit yourself," he pulled a smoke out of the package and was suddenly distracted, "Wow..." Mike's head turned as though his nose was tethered to the woman.

"Mmm!" Nate watched her wondering if he should get up and work his charm.

"No reaction what-so-ever?" Mike asked Dan who didn't even really look at her.

"Dan's as whipped as they come," Nate exclaimed.

"I'm not whipped," Dan's offended eyes narrowed on his friend. "I'm not," he said, irritation building as Nate starred at him with that goofy accusing face.

"Oh come on Dan,..." Nate shrugged. "You wait on her hand and foot, you literally treat her like royalty," Nate scoffed.

"God, I love my wife jesus,.." he shrugged with a laugh that the guys were badgering him. "Is that a crime?,"

"Nah Blair's a minx!" it just flowed out of Nate's mouth with ease. "she's a ten,"

"Uh," Dan's lips curled at the edges.

"Yeah she's hot?" Mike asked as he chewed on his lip. Nate whipped out his phone to find a picture.

"Oh my god Nate..." Dan starred at the ceiling as Nate handed the phone over to his friend. Mike held the phone up close.

"Yeah that's mint...she has CS lips," Mike commented. Nate clapped his hands together once and laughed silently before receiving the phone back.

"Umm do I want to know what that means?"

"Cock sucking lips?" Mike offered wondering how it was possible Dan never heard of that.

"Oh," Dan thought for a moment, "Yeah she does," Dan began to smile as his phone started to ring. "Hello," he plugged one of his ears so he could hear better over the loud club music.

"Can you come get me please?" Blair sounded a little tipsy.

"You all done? buy anything interesting?" he laughed.

"Wouldn't you like to know?," she hiccuped.

"Okay," he chuckled into the phone. "I'll be there in fifteen minutes,"

"Deal!"

"See what i'm talking about Nate gestured," as Dan hung-up.

"Blair's drunk. I'm gunna go get her," he lifted from his chair.

"Nice meeting you buddy," Mike extended his hand, Dan shook it politely.

"Go easy on her man," Nate gave him a hug. Dan snickered with an eyebrow raise.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

As Dan pulled up outside the building, he noticed many of the women he knew from the park were hanging around the foyer. They were loud and clearly intoxicated.

"Hi baby!," Blair smiled brightly and trotted over to the car window.

"Hey..." he laughed seeing she had more to drink then he thought.

"You looking for a good time?...i'll have you know now i'm very expensive," she pretended she was a prostitute and Dan couldn't help but laugh.

"Hey Dan!" Gillian waved.

"Hey, how are you?" he smiled sweetly.

"Excellent, we had a lot of champagne and not gunna lie, we broke out the tequila,"

"Oh that's why..." he looked back at Blair who was starring at him with adoration.

"You wanna get in the car now?" he laughed.

"I told you i'm expensive,"

"I don't deny it. I'll take out a loan," he joked and pressed his lips against hers. Blair smiled and walked around to the passenger side, said goodbye and thanked the girls for inviting her.

"bye Dan!" a few of them waved.

"Someone had a lot of fun..."

"Who?" Blair smiled against her seat and Dan leaned over to buckle her in. When they arrived home, Dan went to Blair's side of the car and picked her up.

"I don't think you've had this much much since your bachelorette party," Dan chuckled. "From French Ingenue to Hot mess,"

"_OH_ You like me any which way!" Blair declared.

"In a house, with a mouse,..." he began causing Blair to giggle.

He tried to stand her up in the elevator but that was helpless as her legs seemed to stop working. Once the doors opened and they were in their apartment Dan headed down the hallway towards their bedroom.

"I love this place," she smiled drunkenly while kicking her feet. "This is,...the most beautiful apartment i've ever seen!" she hiccuped. "Where are you taking me?" she snuggled into his neck.

"I'm taking you to bed so you can sleep this off," he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Don't treat me like a little kid!" she snapped and wiped the kiss off. Dan laid her down on their bed and hovered over her.

"Goodnight drunky," he kissed her on the forehead again.

"Don't treat me like a kid!" she smacked him away and rolled on to her stomach. "I'm a beautiful, adult woman!" she mumbled against the pillow.

"Ok, ok, ok..." Dan grabbed her hand and placed a kiss on it. "Why don't you take your shoes off and get under the covers," he suggested. Blair sighed loudly and sat up, her eyes seemingly having a hard time focusing on anything. When her eyes settled on the large photograph of Nicky she grinned from ear to ear.

"Thaz my baby," she said adoringly.

"Yeah," Dan chuckled.

"Not yours..." she pointed at Dan.

"Not mine?" he asked.

"Dan, she's our _masterpiece_," Blair slung her leg over Dan's hip trying to pull herself closer to him.

"She is," he half nodded finding Blair hilariously entertaining. His hand slid up her leg and unsurprisingly found patterned tights.

"Why don't you get drunk too and then we can both be drunk?" she suggested with a poke to his nose.

"I was actually going to start working on that commission piece," he pulled his face away as she stuck her tongue out with a cheeky grin.

"Don't be such a stick in the mud Humphrey," Blair's eyes drifted a little and looked as if she might fall asleep. "I remember Hawaii," she closed her eyes and chuckled to herself.

"What about Hawaii?" Dan pressed a sweet kiss just below her ear.

"We had so much fun and you were fun,"

"I decided I for sure wanted to marry you that trip," Dan disclosed.

"You did?" she smiled happily.

"Well, I didn't want anyone else to have you. I had to lock that down," he laughed.

"You're so possessive," she joked. Dan moved in for a kiss and Blair was still starring at him with adoration.

"Wanna have sex?" she asked bluntly, her large doe-eyes starring into his eyes.

"You're full of romance tonight," Dan blinked. Blair giggled. "Well, Miss Waldorf..."

"I _am_ a Humphrey now!..." she snapped insinuating she was offended.

"I forgot. I'm sorry,...well, I just need a little more romance in my life. I need wooing, I do not just throw myself at the first woman who asks..."

"Yes you do," she wrapped her leg around him more and grasped around his neck and shoulders.

"Nope, i'm not that kind of man," he peeled her body off him.

Dan settled into his computer chair and began typing some ideas he had. It wasn't five minutes later when Blair had burst into the room and sat herself on the leather chaise facing his desk. "What are you doing?" he asked not looking up from his screen.

"Pay attention to me," she whined.

"I do pay attention to you. I always pay attention to you. You're nearly a full time job,"

"I will let that untrue statement slide for now," she laid down. "Dan, I'm sitting on your chair and I'm not wearing panties,"

"Blair..." Dan blinked slightly amused noticing that her legs were bare but she was still wearing her little black dress from before.

"I'm sorry I'm just so in need of attention. " she pursed her lips and brought her knees up under her chin, stretching her black dress indefinitely.

"Blair,...you're being bad" he didn't look up from the screen.

"Do you like it?"

"You're being silly,"

"You're being an old man," she huffed and walked out of the room, holding the walls to keep herself upright. As she walked into her bedroom she decided that Blair Waldorf doesn't stop until she gets what she wants.

"Daisy!" Dan lifted his hands off his keyboard when she walked back in with a naughty smile on her face.

"I just need you to do one thing for me. Just one thing and i'll leave you alone,"

"What is it?" he looked at her seriously.

"I just,..." she drew in a breath. "I have this itch..." she sat in the chair in front of his desk as if she was in meeting with him.

"Blair,.."

"and I need it scratched," a smile cracked and Dan couldn't help but laugh.

"I can't do it like you," she purred. "I'm not as good at it," she laid down and her hips writhed from side to side.

"Go back to bed Daisy,"

"I caannnn't..." she moaned. "I have an itch and I just don't know what to do..." she pouted again.

"Oh I think you know," Dan looked up at her. "Didn't you buy yourself anything exciting at that Passion party?"

"I have to wait six weeks..." she whined. Dan laughed out loud at her sad face.

"You're so bad,"

"I know..., " she moved back to the chaise and laid there quietly. "Dan?" she called out after a few minutes. Dan looked up and inhaled deeply seeing that she had parted her legs and began stroking herself. Dan would be lying if he thought she'd go this far. "I can't do it like you do it," His eyes fell to her dark red finger nails that teased and circled her clit. "Oo,..." she inhaled sharply, Dan gulped and looked back to his computer screen.

"I think you know what you're doing," he smirked and struggled to keep his eyes on the screen, his pulse quickening.

"I don't though..." she kept it up. "Tell me what to do," she bit her lip.

He looked at her again. Soon his chin was resting on his palm, his fingers curled against his chin as he studied her. "You'd rather be a voyeur than come over here and deal with this?" Dan looked away and went back to work. Blair became very frustrated and walked up to flick his ear. Surprised she yelped when he pulled her on to his lap. "Nice toenails," he complimented her pedicure.

"Thank-you," she smiled bashfully.

"You wanna do me a favour,"

"No, I want you to do one for me," she pouted. "Doing me _is_ the favour," she caught his bottom lip between her teeth.

"Just sit up here for a minute," Blair did as he asked and sat on his desk, her one leg tucked behind the other like any proper princess would sit. "No sit up," he tapped on the bottom of her foot. Blair was skeptical but did as he asked and brought her whole body up on the desk.

"Now what?"

"Hold on," he continued to type.

"But I..."

"Shh,.." he silenced her. Blair watched Dan work all the time she knew the face he made when he was inspired, when he rubbed his palm with the fingers of the same hand when he couldn't quite put into words what he was thinking as if somehow that would bring them to him. She watched him intently for another few minutes until his eyes pulled from the screen and settled on her. "Here,..just,.." Blair's heart began to pound as Dan's gently pressed on her knees and parted them. She wasn't sure what it was that gave her such a thrill and made her breathing so shallow. Dan had seen every inch of her body in every light imaginable. She was not shy and they had always been very open. She wasn't exposing herself to him in anyway she hadn't before. However, something about the situation was exciting, something about how he quietly and near nervously asked her to open her legs felt so erotic. She gulped and felt somewhat vulnerable now.

"...are you going to paint me?" she chuckled in a whisper feeling like she was being studied like a model in a life drawing studio. Her chin rested on her extended leg comfortably, she would indeed make for a beautiful gesture drawing but that wasn't Dan's intention. He shook his his head gently before going back to his typing. "What are you doing?" she whispered. Dan pulled from the keyboard and moved closer to her, parting her legs even further. "Dan..." Blair's eyes danced around his face, she felt so flushed that if he left her hanging after this she was going to be furious. She continued to sit, hot and bothered as he studied her, then typed. Finally to Blair's relief he turned off his computer. "I think I gave you more than enough inspiration,"

Dan's hands settled on Blair's thighs and slowly caressed them, "I just wanted to make sure I got everything exactly right,"

"I hope you don't use that description on a useless character,"

"Never," his hand moved even closer. "God, look at this," his finger trailed along her opening. Blair sucked in a breath. He pushed in a little further and she hissed.

"Yeah," she threw her head back. He did it again, "yeeeahh,"

"That's something else," he complimented her lady parts. "So beautiful,...O'Keefe has nothing on you," Blair giggled softly. "What kinds of things did you buy at the party?" he continued to tease her, being quite interested.

"Just some stuff," she gulped for air. "Dan, don't..." she clenched. "I don't like being teased and you never listen,"

"I'm sorry," he dipped in further at her request.

"No you're not," she shook her head then just enjoyed the sensation by tilting back a little. "I want this off," she grabbed at his shirt. He lifted his arms up at her request and pulled it off. She sat up and unbuckled him. Dan sprung from his pants harder than Blair would have ever expected. "Yeah, gimme that," she laid down her hand still stroking him. Dan grabbed her hips and pulled her further down the desk, Blair made an excited yelp, loving that he was going to give her what she wanted. "If you tease me, i'm going to..." she starred at him as he didn't move a muscle. Before she could finish her sentence he moved in.

"AH!," she cried out when he was completely inside her.

"How's that?" Dan asked about the pace.

"You're doing so good," she moaned.

"So well," Dan corrected.

"What?"

"I'm doing so well,"

"I'm going to kill you," she sat up a little. Dan took the opportunity to pull her forward, he brought her into his lap as he sat in his office chair.

Blair's hand reached up and rested over his tattoo as she rode him.

"Can't,..." she moaned coming back down. "believe you did this," she hissed. "That's so sexy,...I love that you did that," her hips rocked against his, grinding and feeling herself slightly closer to her release with every thrust.

"I'm yours," he said simply.

"I know," she moaned. "I know,"

"I love that you did this," Dan pressed his thumb into his initials on Blair's hip.

"Well, i'm yours,...always," she kissed him deeply, her hands holding his face. "I need you on top," Dan was nothing if not compliant as he lifted her up and put her back on the desk. It wasn't long before she felt everything clench, the best kind of release where everything throbbed, she rode out her orgasm by lifting her hips against his. Dan continued in pursuit of his. She was catching her breath when Dan groaned, his face pressed against hers. They laid there for about a minute realizing Dan's pants were still around his ankles and Blair's dress was still completely on.

"I don't think we need the passion party stuff,..." Blair's arm hung limp off the side of his desk. Dan laughed against her cheek as he tried to get his breathing back to normal.

**XOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

"I was going to take this but it's kind of stretched out,..." Nina pulled at the middle of one of Blair's dresses. "And there's something on it," she began to take a closer look.

"Deodorant?" Blair asked.

"No, it's on the hem..." Nina explained. Blair's eyes shifted from side to side as she thought and Nina dropped the dress immediately.

"Yeah, that can go in the garbage,"

"So tell me again. Explain to me how he was weird,"

"He just wasn't Dan," Blair shrugged. "Well, he was him but he wasn't...him,"

"Maybe it's weird in your apartment?" Nina suggested.

"I don't know. I think he might think i'm cleaning out the place because Patrick wants to move in..."

"I didn't say anything!" Nina said quickly.

"I don't want him to move in!, so I really hope you didn't tell him that,"

"I swear I didn't say anything,"

"Maybe Nate did," Blair inhaled.

"Why don't you just tell Dan you're planning on ending it with Patrick?"

"Why?, why does he need to know about that? he'll assume i'm telling him for a specific reason."

"I don't understand why you haven't talked to Patrick yet,"

"I'm trying to figure out the right way to do it," just then the elevator dinged and Blair's eyes widened. "What do I do?"

"Be honest!," Nina said through clenched teeth. "I'm going to go. Keep strong! don't let his puppy eyes change your mind. You aren't going to work! never! you're not right for eachother,"

"Ok, ok, ok, get out," Blair shooed her.

"Patrick, what a surprise," Nina smiled a little. "I'm just heading out,"

"Oh well it's nice to see you," he barely had the chance to say as Nina made her exit. "Hey," he smiled sweetly at Blair who looked kind of uncomfortable his face always made it so hard to remember she wanted to cut ties.

"How was your day with Dan?" he asked.

"It was good," she said simply.

"I'm really happy that you can maintain a healthy relationship together,"

"You just like it because it means you don't have to take me to art exhibits or film forum," she tried to make a joke. Patrick laughed lightly under his breath to suggest she was right.

"Do you think it's a bad thing that we don't have much in common?" Blair asked.

"What? no. Opposites attract. I think we'd be very bored if we liked the same things. It's very healthy to clash on certain topics just as long as we use it as a platform to discuss,"

"I have to be honest with you," Blair cleared her throat. "I think we need to have a talk,"

"Can we talk at dinner?,...i'm just starved," Blair thought that might be a bad idea but nodded. They could have dinner before she let him down gently. She would make sure that she paid the bill and even his cab ride home or maybe she would go back to his place and let him down there where it would be easier. All she knew was that this relationship with Patrick was never going to satisfy her. As long as Dan was in her life Patrick would be significantly less important to her.

They approached the restaurant and Patrick opened the door for Blair. They were seated rather quickly and Patrick cut to the chase. "Okay so what did you want to talk about?"

"Just our relationship," she inhaled.

"Okay," he smiled and Blair immediately knew he thought she was going to say she wanted them to move in together. "I just want you to know that I do see us getting to a place where we will want to get married,"

"I see," Blair starred at him stoically.

"I know that we're not there yet and we obviously have many issues because we've broken up three times over the span of a year but I would really like to try,"

"It's just I'm,..." she inhaled finally allowing herself to realize she was still in love with Dan.

"I want to be honest with you," why could she just tell him that she already knew that this relationship was just a distraction for her. Why couldn't she tell him that he would never be as important to her as Dan. Why couldn't she tell him that she saw their relationship going nowhere and she missed Dan.

"Then be honest with me," Patrick smiled and Blair's heart sunk.

"It's just,...over these past few months I've realized something, something that I wish I realized a long time ago," she took a break. "Dan and I have been getting along so well and I finally feel like I have my best-friend back and it's such a comfort but there's..."

Blair inhaled noticing her ex sitting on the other side of the restaurant laughing with a woman she recognized. His hand was gently caressing hers and she knew this couldn't possibly be a first date. They were comfortable together, there didn't seem to be a lull in conversation and there was no shortage on smiles.

"Is that Dan?" Patrick looked over noticing Blair's focus of attention.

"Please don't stare," she said under her breath with a casual smile.

"Who's he with? That's not Claudia is it?"

Blair made a mumbling sound. "Sorry?" Patrick asked her to repeat herself.

"It's Gillian," she bit her lip.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**Please review! :)**


	18. Past the Point of No Return

**A/N:**Thanks so much for the feedback. I'm so glad that most of you are understanding what i'm trying to achieve. I don't really know what to say to the people that are disapointed with the progress in the story. It's a double edge sword. I'm trying to make everyone happy at once and it's impossible. I would have revealed everything about Nicky long ago if it wasn't for so many people commenting and sending me PMs about how the present storyline needed to be showcased more. I'm trying to balance the best I can. I think maybe my problem is that I have too much of a structure. I know that certain scenes should accompany others so the Nicky stuff can't happen because I have a perfect moment for that. But I think I'll try my best to forgo that and just give you what you want. I don't really want to bore anyone or make things so drawn out that they become anti-climatic. The real reason for keeping Nicky's start a secret is not to create a shock factor, it's more to lead into that story genuinely. There's a reason why Blair doesn't want to tell her and most people would think she's being dumb about it if they knew, but after you hear her side of the story I hope you understand why she feels the way she does. We have to remember this is Blair, and she can be neurotic and nonsensical to others but everything in her head seems crystal clear. I chose to make Dan respect her wishes because that's who he is. I mentioned before that this situation is going to be hard to talk about for someone. Dan said there would be tears when they tell Nicky. Those tears aren't going to come from Nicky, they're from Blair. This chapter might clear things up. You're right about Dan moving on. Dan told Nicky early on, this is not a movie, we are not getting back together. He believes this. Nothing he does or says is going to change anything. They're not separated, they're divorced, they're done, the book is closed in his eyes and all he can do now is keep going and move on with his life. I don't want anyone to think this is going to be long and drawn out, Blair will not keep things quiet for long, she will speak her mind.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

(**THE POINT OF NO RETURN**)

From: Phantom of the Opera

**XOXOXOX**

_Most women in their thirties and forties celebrated being required to show i.d. in order to purchase alcohol. I never celebrated, It happened far more often than I would have liked. I found it unreasonable. There was no way I could still pass for under twenty-one. I know that I looked much younger than my age, I even shocked myself when I looked in the mirror. Back when I was twenty-five I would have been terrified at the possibility of my future reflection. By using expensive night creams, still in my prime, I managed to keep the wrinkles at bay for now. I knew it wouldn't last forever and I was bound to crack at some point. My mother's little nips, tucks and injections let me know that there were always options for me as I approached her age. Because of this, you would assume that I would ooze confidence like I had in my twenties, sadly, I could consider the woman I was at thirty-five to be synonymous with my teenage self. By thirty-five I felt just as vulnerable and self conscious as I was at seventeen._

_Nicky was the easiest baby in the world. She slept through the night just weeks after she was brought home from the hospital and we actually had to wake her for feedings. Because she was such an amazing sleeper Dan and I hardly missed a beat. By six months we didn't have to wake her anymore and from 8 pm to 6 am, Dan and I had our own time. It was amazing. Even in the morning she could just lay in her crib and watch her mobile, it wasn't until she was ten months old that she stood in her crib and called out for anyone to come and play with her. I still remember her sweet voice calling for me in the morning. When Dan worked late shifts i'd toss her on to the bed to wake him up. She was precious. She'd crawl around on her chubby little hands and make the sweetest of noises. I caught her giving him a big wet, drooly kiss on his chin once. Her tongue even came out for that one. Dan woke with a "ugh.." as he wiped it off. He thought he had been drooling on himself and I laughed that he had no idea of the morning kiss his daughter gave him. Dan grabbed a hold of her and she giggled heartily trying to crawl away. He placed her up on his chest and that was the first time she really noticed Dan's tattoo. Ever since then she's been fascinated with it. -Blair. _

"Did it hurt?" Nicky starred into the mirror as her dad shaved his face.

"It's needle penetrating skin," he rinsed his razor in the sink full of foamy water and continued.

"So yes," she nodded. "Extremely painful?"

"Not unbearable,"

"I suppose if it was unbearable no one would do it. Did you draw the letters first?"

"Your mom did," he turned his face to check if he missed any spots. "She's really good at calligraphy,"

"You must have been very confident when you got it," she said. "If you could go back in time,..." Dan knew where this was going. "Would you still get it?" Dan inhaled wishing Nicky would just let him shave in peace.

"Nicky, I'm about three more questions away from sending you to boarding school," he joked. "I don't regret it if that's what you're asking," it was a lie. The dark mark became like baggage he had to hide. It was a burden, especially these days.

"Why?" she asked. "Is it because you know deep down that my mom will always be the most important woman in your life?" she flashed a smile knowing Dan was not enjoying where this conversation was going.

"You're the most important woman in my life,"

Nicky rolled her eyes at him. "OH!...I know what i'm going to get a tattoo of when i'm eighteen,"

"You're not geting a tattoo," Dan said seriously as he wiped the remaining shaving cream off his face with a towel.

"Yes I am. When i'm eighteen. You said so," she watched him spray himself with cologne then followed him out of the washroom.

"When did I say you could do that?"

"You didn't say it _in so many words_,..but you did say, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it,"

"Yeah, generally parents say that to their kids to avoid a premature conversation about something they're never going to let them do,"

"When i'm eighteen I don't need your permission,"

"Do you really think your mother is going to be okay with you getting a tattoo?" he opened his closet door and pulled a white button up off a hanger.

"You are both terrible hypocrites!" she continued to follow him around the apartment as he fixed his collar and and shrugged into a sport jacket.

"Do you have a meeting?" Nicky asked finally plopping herself down on the couch.

"Yepp," he answered quickly as he put on his shoes. "Promise me you're going to be nice to Nate tonight?"

"I can't promise anything. Sometimes he's insufferable, what can I do?"

Dan pressed a quick kiss to Nicky's head and told her to be good one last time after Nate showed up. When Dan had been gone for less than five minutes Nicky turned to her uncle. "He's going on a date isn't he?"

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

The sight of Dan with Gillian made Blair feel sick, like her lungs were feeling with liquid and she couldn't breathe. Her heart thumped in her chest and her hands became hot and sweaty. Just watching them sent out a certain fight or flight response in Blair. Her blood pumped furiously, her neck was stiff, she wanted to kill Gillian at the same time she wanted to run away and hide.

"Who's Gillian?" Patrick asked watching Blair try and pretend she was okay as she fidgeted in her seat.

"Umm, her son goes to school with Nicky. She used to go on play-dates with him when she was younger..." she played with her napkin absentmindedly.

"Did he not tell you he was seeing her? they look pretty comfortable,"

"No," she cleared her throat and picked up her wine glass so she could take a generous gulp. "He didn't tell me,"

"are you okay?" he grabbed for Blair's hand.

"I'm just a little caught off guard she grasped on to his hand needing the comfort. Over the past few months he never mentioned her..." she felt more hurt than anything that he kept this a secret.

"Why don't we sit with them?"

"Oh no," she shook her head.

"I thought you and Dan were cool,..." Patrick pursed his lips together.

"We are but,..but that doesn't mean we need to sit at the same table tonight,"

"Why not? let's call them over,"

"Patrick,...don't do this to me," she looked like she was close to having a panic attack, she was still breathing heavily.

"You said you were fine with Dan. You said you were fine with Dan dating,..." his eyebrows lifted.

"I am!" she seethed. "I'm not in the mood to share a table tonight and that is all,"

Dan looked up from his menu and sighed. "What's wrong?" Gillian asked.

"Blair is here," he said carefully and quietly as he stealthily moved his hand away from hers.

"Does she see us?" Gillian cringed, moving her head down towards the table.

"I don't know," he looked uncomfortable as he shifted in his seat.

"I told you that you should have just told her months ago," she sung.

"I didn't want to complicate anything and I was waiting for the right time,"

"Well i guess tonight will have to be the right time. Why don't we sit with them?" she suggested.

"I'd rather we didn't," he smiled before looking back down at his menu. Gillian eyed him carefully before looking straight at Blair and Patrick's table. She waved when Patrick met her gaze. To Blair's dismay, Patrick waved back.

"You are seriously not doing this right now," she said quietly hiding behind a menu.

Dan's jaw clenched when he watched Gillian flag Blair and Patrick down. "Please don't do this to me," he said in a low voice.

"If you and Blair are as cool as you say you are, you would have zero problem sitting at a table with her. We're going to have to tell her sometime,"

Dan looked up at Patrick who approached him, Blair trailed behind reluctantly after she finished the entirety of her glass of wine. "Heeeyyy..." Dan forced a smile.

Blair cleared her throat and sat at the table after Gillian stood and insisted that they join them. Dan and Blair avoided eye-contact. "Gillian!" Blair faked a smile. "I didn't know you and Dan were..." she gestured to the table.

"Yeah," she smiled looking over at Dan. "We met up at parent teacher interviews. My ex never goes to those things and you were working so we just trailed around the school together,"

"You didn't tell me about parent teacher interviews..." Blair starred at Dan.

"I told you what her teachers said," Dan nodded hoping she understood why he didn't tell her about running into Gillian.

"But you didn't tell me about Gillian,..."

"What was there to tell really?" Gillian answered for Dan. "We had a good time that night and a few days later we went for dinner, the rest is history,"

"history..." Blair smiled awkwardly, her eyes began to blink as her mind rejected the idea that they had a history together.

"Patrick how are you?" Dan switched his focus.

"Starving actually,"

The server came over and figured out they had become a party of four. He filled Blair's wine glass as she held it out to him.

"All the apps look so great on this menu I can't decide," Gillian fingered through the pages. "Oysters maybe?"

"No," Blair shook her head. "You wouldn't like them. Try the bean salad or the baked brie," Blair flashed a quick smile and went back to her menu.

"Or maybe the guacamole?" Gillian shrugged.

"Gillian,..." Blair's eyes zeroed in on her with distaste, but her quiet voice was ignored.

"Yeah I think i'll get the oysters actually. Would you share them with me?" She looked to Dan who half nodded before Blair laughed out loud.

"Really?...oysters? you two?" she cleared her throat and rolled her eyes.

"Blair, you want to share something?" Patrick asked casually still looking down at his menu.

"Yeah we'll get the Oysters as well,..." she closed her menu loudly and smacked it down on the wooden table already knowing what she wanted as an entree. When the server came over she asked for her meal to come with extra asparagus and asked what their best chocolate dessert was.

"The darker the chocolate the better," she told her server.

"Aren't we getting a little ahead of ourselves?...no need to rush,"

"I just like to know what i'm expecting," she smiled beautifully and Dan starred at her. "So,..I never asked you what it is that you do,...all these years of knowing each-other and I haven't a clue in the slightest,"

"I'm a paralegal," Gillian said proudly. Blair's smile fell, she looked up at Dan and regained it.

"That sounds,..." she sipped her wine. "Like a really _interesting,...career_," she tried her best at being polite. Dan was actually proud of her honest attempt at being nice.

"Not nearly as interesting as yours,"

"Well,..." Blair shrugged politely.

"Gillian isn't from New York originally," Dan explained.

"I was born and raised in Texas," Blair wondered why she never picked up on an accent.

"What brought you here?" Patrick asked setting his wine glass down so he could link his fingers with Blair's. Dan couldn't help but stare at him.

"Well, I met my ex when we were teenagers. His father was on business over the summer and when he moved back to New York we realized we couldn't live without each other. We kept a long distance relationship for a couple years and when I turned twenty one I moved out here. We got married, we had Lucas,...his family never accepted me. I even worked on losing my accent the moment I moved New York because it made me so self conscious. When i'm tired, the Southern is very noticable," she smiled.

"You never considered moving back after you separated?" Blair asked.

"How could I?," her eyes widened. "There's no way my ex would ever let me take my son there. He still hasn't met half of my family,"

"That must be so hard," Blair felt a pang of sympathy for the woman.

"Well it was for awhile but i'm pretty happy here now," she smiled at Dan, Blair's stomach lurched. They continued conversation and Gillian suddenly became overwhelmingly aware that Dan and Blair hadn't spoken a word to each-other since they sat down.

"Is this uncomfortable for you and Dan? I didn't want it to be uncomfortable,"

"We're best-friends, we can sit together," Blair smiled at Dan genuinely and tried her best to make it a happy smile when she could cry. When Gillian went off to the washroom the table was quieter. Dan and Patrick made small talk and Blair felt the seconds drag on. She hated being the only thing these two men had in common. She couldn't help but compare the two as they made small talk. Patrick had more money but that was no longer an asset to her. Patrick was dressed better but only because she picked out his suit and fastened his tie. Dan looked more casual but the more she looked between them, the more Dan's suit looked better. She wondered if Dan smelled better. Patrick was handsome, she wouldn't deny him of that but Dan had something that Patrick couldn't hold a candle to. She first looked at their eyes, then their lips. Clearing her throat loudly when she noticed she had been starring at Dan's lips far too long, she looked at his jawline and traced his body remembering some fond memories of it. When it came to voices she noticed Dan's was deeper. Thankfully, Gillian came back from the washroom so Blair snapped out of her thought process that made a mental list of pros and cons.

"Gillian, don't take this the wrong way but..." she looked over at Dan and smiled. "I've always wondered. How tall are you?"

"I know," Gillian laughed, taking it in stride. "I'm such a shrimp," she took her seat beside Dan who smiled at her.

"How tall are you exactly?" Blair enquired sipping at her white wine.

"I'm five foot one," she shrugged.

"That's good for Dan then," Blair giggled lightly.

"Why is that good for Dan?"Gillian's eyes squinted.

"Oh nothing,..." she waved her off. "Just that, I'm five inches shorter than Dan so when we were together I was never allowed to wear six inch heels because it gave him a Napoleon complex. You're lucky you can wear any heel you want," Dan sighed at her exaggeration.

"I'm actually not a big fan of heels," she scrunched her nose.

"Well then I guess you make Dan feel like a _big big_ man,...I guess he can get rid of his Italians with the lift now,"

"Blair,..." Dan shook his head feeling uncomfortable.

"What?...I know you'll never get rid of them. I was just kidding,"

"Maybe you could slow down hun?" Patrick referred to her wine consumption.

"Pardon me?" she threw him an ice queen stare.

When their meals arrived, they ate and casually discussed happenings in the news and sadly the weather. Between having their entree plates cleared and dessert orders, Patrick needed to take a phone call and Gillian left a moment later and headed for the washroom leaving Dan and Blair alone.

"My god she has the bladder the size of a pea," Blair commented as she lifted her wine glass.

"How many restaurants in New York? and this happens," Dan leaned back in his chair and ran his hand over his tie absentmindedly.

"Well i'm not happy about it either," Blair sighed.

"You didn't waste any time running over here," Dan rolled his eyes.

"You think I planned this? you think I enjoy sitting here while you're flat-shoed, mousey little girlfriend orders aphrodisiacs for every course?"

"Umm, that was you!" Dan pointed at her with wide eyes. "Oysters, asparagus spears and the darkest chocolate they have?" he smiled sarcastically.

"She started it!"

"Really? you're going to make this into a competition? well you know what Blair? you win..." Dan resigned to just sitting there and ignoring her now.

"I don't want to win Dan,..." she said quietly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Oh like you told me about Patrick when you first started seeing him? I don't owe you anything,"

"That's not what I mean!" she yelled. "We're trying to be open and honest with each other. We're trying to be friends and you haven't so much as mentioned her name,"

"So you could tell me why I shouldn't be with her? so you could list of the reasons why we would never work? I'm sorry if you don't understand this but I don't want my ex wife weighing in on my love life," he finished his glass of wine and leaned back in his chair hoping someone would return to the table.

"Is it serious?" she crossed her arms and watched a couple receive their dessert a couple tables over.

"I don't know,"

"How long has it been going on?" she swallowed still not looking.

"...This is our one month anniversary dinner," he answered reluctantly.

"So she's your girlfriend?"

Dan didn't say anything and Blair huffed. "..._well, we'll see how long that lasts_," she sung lightly trying to keep herself calm.

Gillian returned quickly and they stopped talking. "What do you think? you feel like dessert?" she rubbed Dan's suited shoulder. "Cheesecake?,"

"Only if it's dark chocolate," Dan's eyes pierced Blair's intentionally. Blair inhaled not believing he just did that, she tried her best to ignore it but she wanted to scream at him now.

"I think they have chocolate," Gillian flipped the pages of the dessert menu as Patrick walked back into the restaurant.

"Sorry guys," Patrick took his seat.

The server came over and took their dessert menu, Blair just wanted this night to end she couldn't sit here any longer watching Dan and his new girlfriend talk to each-other. It wasn't like they were being rude, she and Patrick were having their own little conversations but she couldn't take her eyes off Dan and Gillian. They had an intimacy to them. Something about they way they were turned into each-other that just signified they were sexual. She could throw up.

"We honestly need to get the conversation going at this table," Patrick proposed that they play twenty questions. It was simple, they answered basic questions like their favourite vacation destination. Gillian answered with Florida and Blair choked on her wine. Dan covered his mouth as his lips curled at the edges a laugh would have burst out if he didn't look away.

"Blair?" Patrick told her it was her turn.

"France," she hiccuped to recover from her giggle. "Absolutely France,"

"Dan?"

"Uh i'm going to have to agree with Blair," she swallowed the wine in his mouth.

"I've never been," Patrick explained that he loved Ireland and Dan said that if he ever goes to France that he would be in good company if he brought Blair. Blair smiled lightly as Patrick smiled at her, she hated the ease Dan had when talking about Patrick. If seeing Blair and Patrick together bothered him he definitely didn't show it.

"She's probably better than any travel guide you could imagine. She knows Paris like the back of her hand so you don't miss anything. We were there for three weeks and I swear I saw every inch of the entire city and maybe half of the Louvre," he laughed.

"If Blair was such a great travel guide I would assume you could see every inch of the city in a week?" Gillian laughed.

"We could of,..." he smirked lightly as the waiter set his and Gillian's dessert in front of him. "We went for three weeks to visit Blair's family and we had a six month old baby with us,"

"God, how was that plane ride?" Patrick laughed genuinely curious.

"The way home was fine," Dan nodded. "The way there was just..." he shook his head.

"But she was cute," Blair smiled at Dan but stopped when Gillian fed him the first bite from the cheesecake.

"Still is," he nodded with his mouth full.

"Oh she's beautiful," Gillian placed her hand on her chest and smiled at Dan with adoration as if he was the only person to credit.

"She looks like her mom," Patrick grabbed for Blair's hand, she continued to stare at Dan as Gillian fed him. He hated being fed but no one would ever be able to tell right now.

Patrick moved on with topics and they answered their favourite restaurant in New York. Dan and Blair said the same place. Patrick asked where they grew up and what their last meal on earth would be. Finally he asked if they had tattoos. Patrick had a motive for asking this question, he wanted to know if Dan had one. He knew Blair did but he wasn't sure if Dan had branded himself as-well.

"I have a cross on my shoulder," Patrick smacked his arm.

"No, I don't have any," Gillian shrugged. "I'm not interested in marking my body and realizing afterwards that it wasn't something I wanted permanently,"

"Yes, but there are constants in a person's life,..." Blair said. "Some things you don't mind keeping because they remind you of a period in your life and..."

"Not for me," Gillian said cutting her off. "Do you have one?"

"I have a small little,..." Blair shrugged. Patrick chuckled a little signifying that he knew what her tattoo was. Dan starred at him, feeling his jaw clench slightly. The thought that Patrick ever laid his hand there on her body made his stomach churn, more than anything it made him mad.

"A little what?" Gillian asked.

"It's just a little,...symbol,"

"What does it stand for?"

"Umm," she swallowed. "Die Hard?, have you ever seen that movie?,"

"I love the die hard movies!" Gillian smiled. Dan and Blair laughed but tried to stop themselves from making noise. "Dan do you have a tattoo?" Patrick looked over.

"Uhh," Dan began to smile feeling a little uncomfortable.

"You do?" Gillian looked shocked. Blair's eyes zeroed in on Gillian who looked to be interested in this did she miss the inky black letters over Dan's heart? if they had been in an intimate relationship she would have definitely noticed. The letters were large, large and well defined.

"You haven't seen Dan's tattoo?" Blair asked curiously. Her eyes bounced between the two of them with intensity.

"No, I haven't," she looked over curiously and Blair sighed with relief.

"It's just,..." he cleared his throat but Blair answered for him with some cockiness. "It's something lame he got in University while getting his masters,..." Blair smirked with a sudden satisfaction. "He was a big fan of Bruce Willis then..."

"Oh my god, do you have a portrait of Bruce Willis on your back?" she joked.

"No, just his initials on my chest," Dan played along.

Patrick shook his head with laughter knowing they were just having fun with Gillian. "Dan and Blair have each-others initials," Patrick explained.

"Oh,..." Gillian looked uncomfortable. "...and that's exactly what I mean by getting something permanent,...you never know if you're going to always want that on your body," she dug into her cheesecake.

"I do," Blair nodded. "I always want it on my body," she said seriously. "He's the father of my daughter. Just because things change doesn't mean that part of me is gone,"

The table fell quiet. "Yeah but you got it before he was the father of your daughter so..."

"I got it just before our wedding Gillian..." Blair starred at her. "I don't think I can be blamed for assuming we would always be together,"

"more than fifty percent of marriages end in divorce..." Gillian shrugged.

"And what does that have to do with anything? you think I should have contemplated that while I was standing in the church professing my love and devotion to him?" her eyes blinked wildly.

"Ladies,..." Patrick tried to intervene as Dan starred down at the table.

"I just think you're making excuses because you did something stupid. You're trying to justify a tattoo that you should have never gotten. And now i'd like to end this conversation..."

"Well I'm not done with the conversation,"

"Blair,..." Dan warned her.

"I could tell from the first moment I met you that your marriage would never last," Gillian said.

"Excuse me?" Blair's eyes widened, her jaw tightened.

"Dan is the sweetest man I have ever met, you're not exactly like him in any way,..."

"Gill,..." Dan grabbed for her hand. Blair inhaled sharply at his use of her nickname.

"You know what? _I AM_ done. This was a mistake," Blair stood. Patrick apologized to Dan and Gillian. He threw some cash on the table before following Blair.

"I think maybe I should talk to her," Dan got up.

"No," Gillian linked her hand with Dan's. "She's a big girl she can take care of herself,"

"Yeah but we're trying really hard to be civil for Nicky and if I don't at least try...," He got up from the table. "Blair!" Dan yelled after her.

"Don't stop!" Blair held tighter to Patrick's arm.

"Blair he wants to talk to you. Just talk to him," he held her back.

"Absolutely not!"

Dan stopped dead in the middle of the street and watched her storm off.

**FLASHBACK**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"I think i'm pretty amazing,"

"What are you going on about?" Dan said to Blair who was sitting comfortable on their bed, propped up by several fluffy pillows.

"Oh, just that you should be worshipping the ground I walk on," she suggested causally with a slight smile.

"I just brought you lunch in bed if you hadn't noticed," he grabbed hold of the tray with her empty plate and moved it down to the bottom of the bed.

"A son. I Blair Waldorf am growing a boy," she smiled contently at the ceiling. "I have the capability to generate a male, a man!"

Dan blinked a little, "You're aware you aren't the first pregnant woman ever right?..." he picked up her tray and carried it to the kitchen.

"Stop, you're messing with my mood," she held her hands up. "I simply am stunned at what I can do and I wish you'd show a little more respect for the woman who is providing you with an heir; a boy to pass on the Humphrey name," she spoke louder so he could hear her.

"First, I think you're giving yourself too much credit for the gender. You might be more of a linguistic and business person but you still know the ins and outs of reproduction," he hopped back on the bed to join her. "I made a pun! I'm puny,"

"Humphrey, are you insinuating that you deserve just as much credit?," she starred at him.

"No i'm saying that you can be happy I gave you him in the first place,"

"How dare you," her jaw dropped. Dan laughed at her shocked face. "Humphrey! i'm doing the most profound thing i can possibly do. I'm giving you a..."

"Oh I wasn't aware that you were doing me a favour," he scoffed. "I always assumed we were equally excited about this,"

"I just want you to say i'm amazing," she pouted.

"I figured as much," he moved closer to her. "I think you're amazing,.." he kissed her.

"Go on," she extended her neck and waited.

"I think you're stunningly gorgeous, I think you're brilliant beyond words, I think you're incredible,"

"Now tell me you're happy i'm giving you a son,"

"Because he's a boy I should be somehow happier? I would have liked a girl just as much,"

"Well,.." Blair thought. "we could always have another..." her eyes bounced around the room.

"What?!" Dan's eyes grew wide. "No,...no," he shook his head.

"What? it's not like this sucks minus the mood swings, the heart burn and the frequency that I use the washroom, I got these," she looked down at her ample breasts and nodded with a little satisfaction. Dan starred for a little too long then his eyes fell to the fly of his pants. Blair rolled her eyes with ease and a soft laugh when she noticed Dan was visibly aroused. "Sometimes I swear you're still a teenage boy,"

"You're hot," he used as an excuse.

For the most part, Blair acted exactly as Dan had anticipated. She made lists, she shopped, she wrote in her journal, she made plans, started a collection of children's books, opened a trust fund, picked a date for a shower and listened to her baby's heartbeat with a stethoscope. She read books on birthing, breast feeding and everything she was to expect in the last few months of her pregnancy. She prepared herself in everyway imaginable and still she acted like the same Blair who yelled at Nina on the phone, bossed people around, made fun of Nate and debated with Dan as if nothing had changed. The couple things Dan didn't anticipate was her high sex drive, that literally had her wake him in the middle of the night three times on one occasion, and something even more alarming. Some days, Dan would find her writing in her journal, complaining about how their son sat on her bladder like a rock refusing to move or she wouldn't be home at all, she'd be out shopping or hanging around the office making sure Nina was running everything efficiently in her absence. But other days Dan would come home to find a different woman all together. A woman who sat indian style on their bed, wearing his Yale track pants, watching the latest episode of 'Sixteen and Pregnant' with a sock bun in her hair. This side of her was either sensitive and emotional or she was uncharacteristically bubbly and thrilled. She always seemed to have a hand on her stomach, she talked to her baby as if he could respond to her and cried at the drop of a hat.

"Hey what's up?" Dan greeted, seeing Nate walking out of the elevator with a big smile on his face.

"That's all?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" Dan shrugged.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder? I expected some enthusiasm," he was hurt Dan didn't rush over thrilled that Nate was visiting. It had been a week since Nate had moved out and he'd actually been to busy to stop by until now.

"Oh,...Nate i'm so happy to see you! how have you been buddy?, good enough?" he patted him on the back.

"Yeah it'll do," he collapsed on to the couch. "Hey Blair!" he called out knowing she couldn't be too far away.

"Hi sweetie!" she called out in a trembling voice.

"Is she crying?" Nate enquired with a point in the direction of their bedroom.

"She's watching some teen pregnancy show,...don't ask," he headed down the hallway hoping he could convince her to come out. Dan stood at the edge of their bed and couldn't believe Blair was sitting amoungst a pile of used tissues, tears with no end in sight.

"I just don't understand,...everything is going to be so hard for her and her...her boyfriend is such a little douche bag!..." she hiccuped. Dan starred at his wife blankly contemplating if it was at all possible that she had her brain switched with someone else. "Look at his stupid hat!" she smacked her hand on the bed.

"Why don't we switch," he picked up the remote, "to something a little more upbeat or,...I don't know,..." he thought, "practical?" Blair snatched the remote from his hand and wiped her eyes on her sleeve.

"...she was so smart and had so much potential and now she's not going to finish high-school," she sniffed. "and she's pregnant,...and her BOYFRIEND's _A LOSER_!" she cried. "I can't imagine,...I just can't imagine," she grabbed for Dan's hand, he laced his fingers with hers slightly afraid of what she might do if he didn't.

"Nate's here, you want to come say hi?"

"Dan she asked him what her due date was and he didn't even know." she dabbed the corners of her eyes with a tissue. "Humphrey, when is my due date?" Dan's eyes scanned the room and a smile pulled at his lips.

"You didn't!,...tell me you didn't forget!"

"No it's,...ummm," he snapped his fingers together trying to remember. "November twentieth," his answer appeased her for a moment during the commercial and she relaxed.

"Why don't you come out and see Nate?" he pleaded with her.

"Why? will he do tricks?" she asked scathingly.

"Ok,..." Dan shrugged. As he headed out he watched Blair place both hands on her stomach and explain to her baby that thankfully both his parents had good jobs and he wouldn't grow up in a spare bedroom in his grandmother's house. "It's okay baby this won't be you," she took a deep breath and her eyes settled back on the tv. Dan and Nate talked for a few minutes before they could hear Blair sobbing.

"Blair,...change the channel you're getting worked up over nothing!," he called out to her. After a moment Dan got up to try and comfort her. He walked in to see her placing headphones on her stomach.

"Mozart," she explained with a smile.

"Come see Nate,"

"Fine!" she gathered herself up off the bed and walked into the hall.

"Wow look at you!" Nate chuckled as he moved forward and tried to touch her stomach.

"Get your paws off me," she skidded away from his cold hands.

"I just wanted to feel it kick,"

"You'd be waiting a long time," Dan explained. "...doesn't kick,"

"Why not?," Nate's eyes squinted. "aren't you worried?"

Blair picked a stethoscope off the table to show him she had nothing to worry about.

"The doctor says he's lazy," Blair cleared her throat. "Imagine that? our child lazy? impossible,"

"He?" Nate smirked.

"Oh,..." Blair turned to Dan her eyes growing wide. "Dammit," her lip trembled.

"Well good thing Nate can keep a secret!" Dan said with thick sarcasm.

"...Ooooo," she covered her eyes and cried.

"It's okay,...It's okay," he pulled her into a hug. "Nina is on her way over and they want to head out to the bar. You up for it?" Dan asked.

"While it probably makes me look super classy and not at all like a pile of trash sitting in a bar right now,...i'll pass,"

"I'll buy you some pub food," Dan tried to entice her. Her shoulders dropped gently and her eyes fell to the floor as she thought about how that would hit the spot. "That sounds like a good idea right?"

"I shouldn't,...I've been really good today,"

"C'mon onion rings?, fries? grilled cheese?, what do you feel like?"

"a shake and maybe a fried snickers bar?"

"Good choice!"

Nate and Dan only waited about an hour as Blair got ready before heading to the bar, but it wasn't as bad as sitting in the bar and waiting for Nina to show up. "Congratulations we're a hundred," Nate commented on her tardiness.

"Oh Shut up," she bit. "Hi sweetie," she leaned in and side kissed Blair. "What's with the suit Humphrey?" she asked.

"Dan moved up to the eighteenth floor!" Blair said proudly. "You should see his office!"

"She's over selling it. It's not that great,"

"Still, moving up is awesome,"

"I guess," he shrugged.

"And how are you?" Nina turned and smiled at her bestfriend who she hadn't seen in a few days.

"I'm good," she nodded. "Can I ask you an honest opinion?"

"Go for it,"

"Well since it's out in the open," she looked to their friends. "I can't decide one way or another so,...What are your thoughts on circumcision?"

Dan eyes shut with a cringe.

"Oh god..." Nate clapped his hands to his forehead.

"I need a cigarette" Nina stood.

As Dan was brushing his teeth before bed that night, Blair defended herself for scaring off their friends. "It was an honest question!...I wanted an opinion!"

"Blair, you know Nate and Nina, they scare easy," he slipped into bed with her.

"I didn't think it required them to restrict my topics of conversation for the rest of the night," she groaned. "I shouldn't have eaten any of that food," she regretted the snickers bar the second it reached her lips but even if her mind said no, her tongue and stomach said YES YES YES. "This is seriously becoming a problem. All I want to eat is fat, cookies and cake!..." she whined. "and i'm already fat! I'm going to be covered in stretch marks!"

"You're allowed,"

"No, i'm not! I have a plan!" she starred at the ceiling.

"Well if it makes you feel any better, I think you look pretty good,"

"I'll believe you're being sincere. But only because I received a very sweet offer to go on a date with Shawn this morning,"

"Shawn?," Dan's eyes squinted. "Oh the bell boy?" he chuckled.

"What?"

"He's like eighteen,...and you're kind of obviously pregnant..."

"Well, he kind of obviously doesn't care. And wait a minute,...are you saying i'm not desirable?" she sat up straight.

"No, just kind of obviously means your married..." he grabbed for her left hand.

"In all fairness I didn't wear my rings today,"

"Why?" he stared at her bare fourth left.

"I took them off to shower this morning and forgot to put them back on. I have what Laura likes to call "baby brain"...she pouted. "Whatever it is,..it's not permanent,"

"I guess I should hang around here more"

"Why? do you fear Shawn will sweep me away on his motorized scooter?" she snorted.

"HE HAS A SCOOTER?!" Blair laughed heartily as she turned onto her side and closed her eyes. "Please send me pictures. I'd love to see you on a moped,...your hair all wild and crazy.."

"It's not a motorcycle Dan!" she laughed harder. "I'd be lucky if I got a flyaway,...but don't worry I WILL send a postcard of us slowwwly riding into the sunset"

"What a vision you just painted,.." he thought. "I know what will be on the cover of my next book!"

"That's very inspired," she commented, amused with his laughter. "Goodnight," Blair smirked.

"Sweetdreams Daisy," he kissed all along her exposed arm.

"Mmm, I love you" she turned into him for one last kiss

It was not more than two minutes before a buzz startled them. They both stared at the ceiling until it buzzed again. Blair's stomach knotted making her feel ill.

"this is getting ridiculous..." Dan's jaw clenched.

"Ignore it" Blair said sternly, her eyes squeezed shut. The buzz continued and Dan shifted with a groan.

"Ignore it," she spoke again, her voice becoming an order. "Dan!," she yelled. "IGNORE IT!"

"I can't ignore it" he growled and pushed the covers off himself and went to the intercom, anger apparent in his heavy footsteps. He pressed the large square button much harder than necessary. "GO HOME!" when Dan got back into bed he was visibly angry.

"I'm sorry," He ran a hand up his arm as she starred at him with disapproval.

"It's okay,...,"

"It's not okay. It's stressing you and she seems to know it,"

"Well now you're the one stressing me," she said honestly.

"...I'm sorry," he leaned in and kissed her forehead. The buzzer rung again and Dan's eyes squeezed shut.

"It's okay," Blair held him tightly.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

For the next three weeks Blair gave Dan the cold shoulder. Every time he had to interact with her when dropping off Nicky or picking her up, he'd try to act like everything was fine, still the stern look on her face indicated she was not looking to be friends anymore. "There's an exhibit I want to take Nicky to next weekend, did you want to come?"

"No," she said bluntly not even looking him in the eye. Dan inhaled but didn't really have much to say to her.

The call at 3 am was her peace offering. It was her extended olive branch that he desperately grasped on to as he sat up against the head board carefully, as not to disturb Gillian sleeping soundly beside him. He didn't want her to stay the night, he even dropped several hints that she should go home but still, here she was. "Hey you," he said softly in a near whisper. There was a pause and he knew she was probably working up an apology.

"I'm not calling to apologize,"

"Of course not," he let out a soft chuckle.

"I had that dream again," she said quietly.

"Middle of the ocean on a life preserver?"

"Yeah, only it was dark and raining,"

"Well maybe you're _sad_," he offered softly.

Blair inhaled, "_Maybe_," she squeaked bringing a hand up to cover her eye.

"Are you okay?" Dan asked.

"Mmhm," she cleared her throat. "Yeah," she pulled her hand off her face and ran her hand through her messy curls. "Um, Nicky is gone all day on Saturday. You wanna spend the day with me?" she closed her eyes hoping he would say yes.

"Absolutely. I'll come get you and we'll start by going out for breakfast,"

"see you then," she ended the call on her cell-phone and got up knowing she couldn't sleep. She poured herself a glass of water and headed down the hall when she noticed Nicky had a light on, this was unusual for a girl that required complete darkness in order to sleep. She slowly peeked in her room.

"Hi beautiful," she said softly seeing she was still awake and reading in bed. She walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. "Not sleepy?"

"I'm reading," she lifted her novel.

"Nice," Blair nodded at the choice of novel.

"I found a list of two hundred novels that I want to get through before I go to university. I figure I wont have the time once i'm at Yale,"

"I see. That's very ambitious of you. Promise me you'll stop and smell the roses sometime,"

"Mommy, it's only two hundred. I have seven years! and you're the one that told me that a busy life is a fulfilled life,"

"Life isn't worth living if you're not happy," Blair shrugged.

"Reading makes me happy,"

"I know. And if finishing all two hundred books before you start university is a goal that makes you happy, then you go for it," she kissed her forehead tenderly. "So,.." Blair inhaled not sure why this was so hard for her to say. "Umm tomorrow, i'm going to bring a friend over, would that be okay?" she smiled almost hoping Nicky was against it, it would much easier to blame their breakup on her child.

"Your friend?" Nicky shifted under the covers.

"My friend that's,...a boy," she gulped.

"Your boyfriend?"

"Uh yes," she felt sick. "Do you think it would be okay if he came over to meet you?"

"I guess," she said with ease and sunk down into her bed with a yawn.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Is he nice?"

_He's a decent human being I suppose, _Blair thought.

"He's really nice," she nodded.

"Is he fun?" Nicky asked.

_He's alright_, Blair thought.

"he can be,"

"Is he handsome?"

_Not like daddy, _Blair thought_. _

"He's...,You tell me okay?" Blair smiled.

"Okay," she yawned again. "Mommy did you read this?" She asked showing her book jacket.

"I have read all of Jane Austen,"

"Maybe we can have a book club!" she looked excited.

"Just you and me?"

"Who else?" Nicky snorted.

"Absolutely we can have a book club," she leaned down and kissed her cheek. "I want you to put the book down for now and go to sleep though, It's late,"

"Okay, okay," she put the book on her night stand.

"Are you sure you're okay with meeting my,...friend? because we don't have to,"

"I want to," she nodded.

**XOXOXOX**

It was apparent that Patrick was worried about meeting the little girl when he came to the door with flowers and the strong intent to please her. Blair was surprised to see Nicky take a liking to Patrick. He tried much too hard to be funny but he made an effort to answer any questions about the world. Blair laughed lightly seeing that he was out of his element and quite overwhelmed by Nicky's precociousness. He was expecting a little girl who was wowed by simple magic tricks and thrilled by the idea of ice cream sundaes, instead he found Nicky to be so sharp and witty he sometimes didn't know how to respond to her.

"So what is your favourite Disney movie then?" Patrick asked Nicky after dinner. Blair needed to get some work done and he decided this would be a good time to get to know her daughter.

"Lion King," she answered without a moment to think it over. "I like 'Beauty and the Beast' too but it gets kind of annoying because my mom and dad always want to ask me questions about it afterwards," she began texting on her phone.

"What kind of questions?" Patrick laughed lightly not understanding.

"Mostly about how I feel about the relationship between the beast and Belle,...I just like it because it's in France," she smiled. "I wanted to be Belle for Halloween one year but my mom wouldn't let me," she shrugged. "My dad told me if I ever bring home a guy like like Gaston he's going to lock me in a tower like Rapunzel!" she laughed.

"Oh!" Patrick laughed with her. "so do you like Peter Pan?" Patrick questioned. "That one was always my favourite when I was growing up," Nicky ignored him and laughed at her cellphone. After a moment Patrick headed to the kitchen. "She's not allowed to watch 'Beauty and the Beast?" He enquired with a squint.

"She is, just as long as Dan or I am there to ask her questions afterwards," Blair continued to stare down at her look-book.

"It's just a cartoon,"

"Yes," Blair smiled sarcastically. "A cartoon that glorifies a sexist relationship," she looked up at Patrick.

"I always thought Belle was one of the smarter Disney Princesses,"

"Belle has a bad case of Stockholm syndrome," Blair said decisively and looked back down at her book. "We don't condone that type of dynamic. She wouldn't even own that dreck if my father wasn't adamant that she possess everything the Disney vault has to offer. It's not like we can take it away from her now," she rolled her eyes.

"I think you're putting your parenting energy in the wrong place," he offered.

"What do you mean?" Blair froze then slowly looked up at him.

"She's laying on the couch texting right now," he pointed. "You're worried about a Disney movie and she has a blackberry," he half laughed.

"She's texting Dan," Blair looked back down.

"Oh...," he felt like a jackass. "Okay, I guess I shouldn't judge your parenting even if it seems a little extreme,"

"Extreme?"

"I just think you might over do it a little," he took a seat at the table she was sitting at.

"Well i'll have to disagree with you,"

"I didn't mean for that to be an insult. I'm sorry,"

"Was she not polite to you? was she not well behaved at dinner? did she ever use fowl language or bring up inappropriate topics at the dinner table?,"

"No, she's perfectly lovely,..it's just she seems,..."

",...well adjusted, open-minded, tolerant, she exudes confidence and healthy self-esteem. She's everything I wish I was as a young girl," Blair smiled.

"Well you've done a great job," he leaned over and kissed Blair. As he tried to sneak in another one, Blair pulled away with a sharp inhale.

"Hey Sweets," Blair beamed at Nicky who entered the kitchen and definitely saw them kiss. Patrick's face turned a bright shade of red. "Do you need anything?"

"No," she answered meekly before heading back to the living-room.

"Should I go?" he asked quietly.

"Umm,..." Blair packed up her briefcase, "Maybe that would be a good idea,"

After Patrick left, Blair watched Nicky do her homework. She contemplated her parenting style and wondered if he was right. Was Nicky too controlled? was she too restrained? Maybe she and Dan had kept her on a short leash?...maybe they read too many parenting books and forgot to just let her live. Just as Blair started to worry about how she might rebel as a teenager, Nicky looked over at her mom and smiled brightly. So what if they had an unusually active parenting style, Nicky had turned out great so far. Maybe some people would see it as extreme or overly involved but that was the same parenting style that compelled Dan to drive two hours on a whim, just so they could all build a snow fort together. It was the same style that had them lay on the floor with her when she was a baby, read to her every night, take her to museums and art exhibits, treat her with the respect of an adult and let her make her own mistakes.

"Nicky, do you know why we talk to you about Beauty and the Beast?" Blair asked.

"Because you don't want to me to grow up with false ideas of love," she answered without delay, her eyes still down on the paper in front of her. Blair was satisfied with that and nodded proudly. "But maybe you could tell me what a real idea of love is," she looked up wide eyed.

"You know what real love is,"

"I thought I did," her eyebrows raised. Blair pretended she didn't hear her and distracted her by explaining they needed to do some organizing.

"We don't have enough storage in this place so we're going to have to through the closets and donate some of our old clothes,"

"Okay," Nicky shrugged. "Mommy," she inhaled. "Where did you meet Patrick?" she let out a soft giggle.

**XOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

"Is she laughing or crying?" Blair poked her head in the room still brushing her face with translucient powder.

"Laughing" Dan chuckled. "For some reason the scary faces make her laugh more," Dan told Blair as he put Nicky in a bumbo directly in front of him on table.

"It's because she knows you're not scary and you're giving it a good effort" Blair smiled at her baby who was still laughing at Dan's faces.

Dan now rolled his eyes into the back of his head and she giggled harder. There was never a sound Blair loved more than her baby's laughter. It came straight from her belly, uncontrollable and contagious. "Nicky..." Dan got her attention and threw her into another fit of helpless laughter. Blair giggled herself when Dan couldn't help his own laughter. Try as she might, it was impossible to keep from laughing when she could hear both of their giggles coming from the other room. Nicky's laughter was a perfect baby laugh, deep in her belly but shrill at times when she was extra excited and Dan's laughter that was rarely this uncontrollable.

"I'm almost done my packing, Just have to pack for the bambino," she said watching them play. Dan ignored her. And continued making the scariest faces he could manage. Some resembled Jack Nicholson in 'The shining' and even frightened Blair a little. Blair gave him a questionable side glance wonder how Nicky could find him anything but terrifying. Nicky continued to laugh heartily at her dad and his wide variety of expressions.

"Are you almost ready?" Blair asked again. Dan must not have heard her as he crossed his eyes. "NNnnniiickkky,"

"Nicky?" Dan was still trying to get her attention so he could continue making funny faces.

"Dan?" Blair looked over to see her babies hands resting on Dan's face.

"Yeah?" he looked up at Blair as Nicky tried covering his eyes with her little hands.

"Are you packed yet?" she asked again starting to get frustrated as Dan scooped the baby up.

"Oww," he squinted when after Nicky jabbed him in the eye with her tiny finger. "yeah,...yeah pretty much packed," he smiled lightly and looked down at her, she was trying to get his fist into her mouth now. "That's not very lady like, what would Gramma say?" he smiled walking her into the next room and pushed her gently into the corner of the couch so she could sit up. "Hmm? what would she say?"

"Pretty much packed? why didn't you just let Dorota do it for you?" Blair asked.

Dan made another face at her and stared at him unsure of what to make of it so he made a little growling sound and she burst into tears.

"Oh noooo," Dan scooped her up frantically feeling awful.

"I was waiting for that to happen," Blair shook her head knowingly.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he looked down at her fearful face. "Omigod,...no,...I'm sorry" he kissed her forehead repeatedly. After a good minute Dan gave up on calming her down. "I can't..." Dan bounced her but she wouldn't stop. "I can't..." he sighed at Blair knowing he wouldn't be able to calm her now.

"Come here my love," Blair finally went over and took her from him."Oh sweetness, he was just playing,...he won't do it again."Nicky stopped crying immediately, Blair smiled smugly. "He's going to save all his growling for mommy..." she looked over at Dan.

"Sick and twisted Waldorf..."

"Get yourself packed Humphrey,"

"Alright, alright,"

Blair placed Nicky on their bed, she crawled a little just having picked up the skill. Dan's focus flipped once he saw her rolling around on the bed. "Whatcha doin'?"

She laughed and Blair groaned. "Are we friends again?" Dan asked her.

"Dan!"

Dan stood hearing Blair's distaste with his procrastination. He took hold of her arms and growled in her ear, Blair seemed to make a little swooning sound.

The plane ride started out completely awful. While waiting at the airport Nicky slept in Blair's arms while Dan got them some dinner. She had on the sweetest french ensemble Blair put together, complete with tights and bow fascinator. This was going to be simple. Nicky was a well behaved baby and Blair wanted to tell everyone that walked by this fact as they seemed to sigh or scowl at the baby in her arms.

"Why do they look at her like that?" Blair was appalled. No one ever did anything but coo or smile at Nicky.

"Well she's a baby about to get on a plane. Can you blame them?"

They boarded the plane early like they were told and positioned their seats back to be more comfortable in first class. Everything was going smoothly until they had been in the air for about ten minutes. The stares started which enraged Blair. "It's as if no one on this plane has ever had children," she said under her breath trying to calm her baby. Dan was trying to give her a pacifier which she kept spiting out.

"Shhh shhh," Blair tried bouncing her as the plane accended. There was no turning back now. "We're going to see Grandad!" she tried to talk to her so she'd listen and froget about crying. She didn't want to sit there and Blair was sure her ears had popped.

An hour later Nicky had cried until she conked out. "I wonder how long this is going to last," Blair questioned as Dan continued to rub his hand up and down the sleeping baby's back. "Probably not too long," Blair made a cringing face.

"Good thing she's cute," Dan smiled.

"Good thing," Blair leaned in and kissed him.

**A/N:** I hope you liked it. Things are a changing! Next chapter Dan and Blair are really going to talk. And I might be tempted to just give out all the Nicky stuff if you guys really can't wait any longer. Tell me what you want for the next chapter and i'll take a concensus. That's the best I can do! Thanks sooo much! I love you all so much! I try to answer all your questions but if I haven't addressed yours, please PM me! I promise i'll answer. -FQ


	19. Why Can't We Be Friends?

**A/N: **Firstly, i'm terribly sorry about the delay. I've been so very busy. I appreciated your feedback from last chapter so much. Some of you want more present but some of you like the flashbacks so i'm trying to please everyone. I'm very happy that most of you understand Blair's POV, she's got a lot on her mind. Things should speed up very soon and you'll have all the answers you're looking for. This chapter jumps around quite a bit but it's all labelled and if you read it through without skipping anything, you should have no problem understanding what is what. ENjOY!

**(WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS?)**

**BY:WAR**

**FROM:The Nanny Diaries**

**XOXOXOXOX**

_It took some time for Dan and I to find a balance when we first started living together. I was working long hours and he was home writing. I know I hurt his confidence on many occasions. I discounted his work ethic, his skill level and whether or not he would be successful. For awhile I just wanted him to find a nine to five job with some stability, I soon learned that Dan needed the exact opposite. -Blair _

"How long has it been since you shaved?" she asked with distaste.

"You come home at lunch to pick on me?"

Blair ignored him and walked over to her side of the office, "This place is a mess!" she pushed all Dan's stuff to one side of his desk. "Where's Dorota?"

"I let her take the day off,"

"...and what made you think that would be a good idea?" her eyes shifted side to side.

"I was going to have it all cleaned by the time you got home, Calm down"

"Don't tell me to calm down, you don't have the stress that I have,"

"I have constant deadlines too Blair,"

"You know... sitting at home in your pajamas doesn't really strike me as stressful" Dan just took it. Every sentence out of her mouth was an insult about the state of his office or how he wasn't getting anywhere with his writing. Dan leaned against the wall and stared at her, every punch hitting him. "It's not like you're writing great literature that demands,..."

"I know," he answered as he began cleaning up his papers, full of time lines and storyboarding ideas. He picked up the stack of books he was using for reference and placed them in their rightful places even if he wasn't quite done with them.

"...I can't do any work in here like this. I'm just going to go back to the office because,..." she inhaled sharply. Blair stopped and watched him putting everything back in order. "Dan," she blinked. He looked up at her wide eyed. "I didn't,..." she gulped and placed her hands on his face, her thumbs stroking over his skin gently. "I didn't mean that," she shook her head. "I'm sorry, You do whatever you have to do to make art," she pressed her forehead against his.

"It's not really art anyway," he shrugged and took her hand by the wrist gently removing it from his face.

"It will be. I know it will be. You're going to be very successful. And I intend to be by your side when you're some big name. I'll be there cheering you on when you get your movie deals and your million dollar contracts. When you get on the best seller list..."

"Slow your roll," he smirked. "What if it takes until i'm fifty? you think you'll still be with me when i'm fifty?" he teased her.

"It_ is_ possible," she played coy.

"Do you think it at all possible that you might be wearing a wedding ring by that point,"

"Marriage talk Humphrey,..." Blair spun away from him. "What are you worried about? Why on earth would we need a piece of paper to solidify our commitment?" she continued as he placed his hands on her hips and pulled her back against him.

"I could ask you the same about your obsession with tattooing your name on my body," he whispered in her ear.

"I think you're warming up to the idea," she turned to face him. "Tell me again about soul-mates," her hands crept up and hung off his neck.

"I think,...with all the people in the world,... soul-mates must exist. And let me tell you,..." his eyes smiled into hers. "If I found my soulmate," he kissed her gently. "If I ever found her, i'd still choose you,"

"Mmm," she sighed contently as he pressed a kiss to her neck. "Relieve some of my tension?" she asked with a pout. Without another word Dan lifted her effortlessly and placed her on the desk.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

"Do you think he's sleeping with her?" Blair asked her friend casually.

"..._probably_," Nina continued looking through the clothing racks that the wardrobe department sent up.

"No, he's not...she didn't even know he had a tattoo so..."

"Why are you asking me if you know?" Nina finally looked up from the clothing rack.

"I was just asking your opinion," She pulled a jacket from it's hanger and checked the label. "I'm going to spend Saturday with him. If we go back to his apartment i'm going to check if he has condoms,"

"What?" Nina blinked at her friend. "Why would you do that?"

"I want to know," she said simply as if it was completely normal enquiry.

"Then _ask him_," Nina shook her head. "You say you're the best of friends, ask him,"

"I can't do that. I'm just going to request a tour of his apartment and then when we reach the bedroom i'll get_ someone_,..." she smiled at Nina.

"I'm not helping you be a psychopath,"

"...to call his landline and while he's answering the phone i'll quickly peek through his nightstand and..."

"and what?"

"And then i'll know," a satisfied grin covered her face as she moved on to the dresses trying to find the best ones for their feature photo-shoot.

"Snooping? that will benefit you how?," Nina didn't look at Blair she continued looking through the pieces on the rack. "What if he does have some? or more importantly what if he doesn't,..."

"Then i'll know he's not sleeping with her..." Blair's mind reeled as Nina dropped her hands from the rack and let her body sag.

"Really?" Nina asked her friend. "that's the conclusion you would come up with?"

"...he'd be safe," Blair's lips formed a hard line as she tried to convince herself.

"and what if he doesn't keep them in his nightstand,...what if..."

"Why on earth would he keep them anywhere else? I know my husband Nina,..."

"Your what?" Nina looked up with a rather amused expression.

"I know Dan," she corrected herself quickly. "he would be safe!... _IF_ he was sleeping with her but he's not. She hasn't seen his tattoo. Dan only sleeps with people when he's serious and he is most definitely not serious with Gillian,"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

They kept throwing questions at him, he didn't know how to answer most but attempted and soon realized he was talking in circles without actually giving an answer. His forehead started to sweat, more questions were fired before he finished answering the first few. "Umm, just let me,..." he dropped a file folder full of notes. "Sorry!" he dropped down to his knees to pick them up and realized his heart was beating at an abnormal pace. When he stood he realized he was looking at the twenty seventh page and every paper was in the wrong order. "Wow, okay,...i'll find that for you momentarily, I just seemed to have..." he shuffled through the pages but couldn't seem to find what he wanted.

"Daniel, why didn't you try 'New Directions publishing'," an agent asked.

"Uh...umm. You see I,.." his thoughts weren't matching up with his lips.

"I was actually wondering why you didn't try your own agency?"

"I did. I did," he nodded, "They suggested..." his eyes fell to the table, he pointed and cleared his throat. "Here," he said nervously.

"Your own house isn't interested?" one of the women piped up.

"Well," he swallowed. "We have a lot on our plates right now so..."

"So, they aren't interested in publishing work from their own agent?"

"Technically,..."

"Daniel,..."

"Dan...please, no need to be formal," he smiled uncomfortably.

"Dan, can we move on to the commission?"

"Absolutely! yes yes..." he opened his folder. "I've written this kind of stuff before. I compiled some reviews to start," he handed around a sheet to all the agents. A few of them whispered together with soft smiles as they pointed at his reviews. Dan smiled for a second thinking he hooked them.

"Dan," one of the men lifted his hand,

"A question!...go for it!," Dan yelled with a sudden outburst of misplaced enthusiasm.

"We've never heard of the first five reviewers,"

"Oh they're well known,...umm the first one is Cosmopolitan,"

"We're not counting that one considering we've been told your wife works for Cosmo,"

"She doesn't just work there, she's editor in chief," he gushed a little with a smile. "But point is, she didn't write the review. That came from a completely different department," his voice was now shallow.

"Regardless, we're not sure a women's sex magazine is the kind of review we really find valuable,"

"They've actually made a lot of changes over the years. It's a much more credible and serious magazine these days,...I don't mind reading it myself!" he laughed to break the tension.

"Dan,..." one of the men groaned. "Can you just explain how you want to develop this piece?, as of right now we're interested in Richard Weber,"

"Richard Weber wants to write this?" Dan's eyes-brows lifted. "With all due respect, I think if you took a leap of faith with me, you would get a much better...,"

"We understand you're publishing a children's story,"

"That's correct," he blinked wondering if they were using that against him. "It comes out next week. I wrote it for my daughter, it's not really a passion of mine. I don't intend on writing another if that's what you're worried about,"

After going back and fourth for another twenty minutes Dan was thanked for his presentation but they were looking to go in another direction.

"Thank-you so much for your time. I truly appreciate your feedback," Dan packed up his notes and left the glass cage of an office before any disappointment showed on his face. Instead of going straight home he wandered the streets trying to distract himself. Mostly he didn't want to go home with his tail between his legs, his ego bruised and his spirits broken. As expected, Blair was waiting with questions on the tip of her tongue.

"How did it go? what did they say? did they like it?,"

"They didn't really like it," he shrugged a little with a quick inhale and an attempt to change the subject.

"Oh Dan,..." Blair's face showed nothing but sympathy, it made him uncomfortable. "Well, maybe it was just nerves. It's hard to be on the other side of the table. Usually you're listening to pitches, not giving them,"

"Yeah,..that's probably it," he smiled even though he felt like such a failure.

"You're great at what you do," she placed her hands on his face.

"If i'm so great at it you'd think i'd be able to pitch what a publishing agent wants to hear," he lifted his hands and pulled Blair's wrists off his face gently.

"You want get some dinner?"

"Maybe in a bit. I'm just going to go and write for a little while,"

"Okay," she smiled and gave him a kiss.

Dan had been busy writing for a few minutes when the office door creaked open slowly, he looked up with a twisty smile seeing Nicky trying to sneak in. "HEY!" Dan said loudly which frightened her so much she jumped a little.

"Hi daddy," she smiled bashfully.

"Hi baby," he smiled, admiring the dimples she inherited from her mother.

"I want to come and visit you," she skipped over, the big bun of hair on her head bounced around.

"Yeah?"

"I miss you," she climbed on to his lap trying to get a look at his computer screen.

"I missed you too but when I came home you were having a nap,"

"What are you writing?" she looked at his computer screen as if she could read it all. "Thas _really_ very good daddy," she complimented blindly.

"Yeah you like it?" he asked pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"Yeah, that's lots," she nodded leaning back so the back of her head was pressed against his chest.

Suddenly the door opened and Dan and Nicky gasped seeing Blair standing in the door way with her hands on her hips. "Here you are," Blair walked in and held her hands out. "C'mon, daddy's working," she pulled her up and placed her on her hip.

"I'm done actually. Let's go do something as a family," he stood closing his laptop shut.

**XOXOXOXOX**

"I think I know what my problem is," Dan said later that night as he slipped into bed with Blair who was flipping the page of her book. "The best writers, novelists, song writers,..whatever they might be, go through real periods of struggle and heartbreak to write something that's..." Blair cut him off with a loud scoff.

"Do you want me break up with you?" she rolled her eyes. "Listen, Dan, happiness doesn't account for poor writing," she turned on to her side.

"I guess I just never pictured my life this way. I didn't think i'd be here in this place at this age. I always assumed I would be hopped up on coffee, living and breathing my craft,"

"So what are you saying? you're blaming us for your writer's block?" she sat up fluffing her pillow.

"I'm not blaming you for anything I just think I might have an easier time if I didn't have any responsibilities,"

"Well if you want,...I can put a lock on your door and only let you out once you've written your masterpiece," she giggled lightly. Dan's eyebrows lifted, "I mean it. I won't let you out,"

"You're the best,..." Dan joked and leaned in for a goodnight kiss. "But actually I think i'm going to give up on the dream for now,"

"What does that mean? you're an author Dan. I'd say you're living the dream,"

"Bargain bin author," Dan corrected.

"So unless you write a best seller, you don't consider yourself a real author?" she enquired.

"It's a lot of work for very little payoff," he shrugged.

"You mean it's a lot of work for very little praise..."

"Is it wrong for me to want some attention? To crave that confirmation that I am worthy of good, decent work?"

"No," she said solemnly. "I want you to have that. I want you to be proud of yourself,"

"I'm going to take a break from it and focus on publishing for awhile. Maybe gain some inspiration. I feel like i'm missing out on life and I have nothing to show for it. I sat in that office and missed Nicky's first parent teacher interview,"

"She's in kindergarten," Blair chuckled. "I'm not sure they even conduct those for children in public school," she shrugged.

"I'm just going to take some time to figure out what I really want,"

"I'd rather you didn't but..."

"Things change Blair,"

"But they weren't supposed to. We made a pact that nothing would change our goals. Not being together, not having a baby..."

"You took off nearly four years of work to be with her. How is that not changing things?"

"...I just think we have more important things in life but that doesn't mean we should stop reaching for more,"

"Yeah,"

"That said, I don't like the pressure you're putting on yourself. Maybe it _would_ be a good idea for you to just focus on your day job for now," she leaned in and kissed him gently.

"Do you want to come with me to work tomorrow?" she smirked.

"Why are you scared of your first real day back?" he goosed her.

"I could use some moral support," she smiled. "I want to start out the day right. I have asked Dorota to come and make us breakfast, then our nanny is going to come by and take Nicky to school,"

"I can't believe we're getting a nanny," Dan groaned and rubbed his eyes.

"We're getting back on track with our original plan," she smiled. "Anyway, her name Helena. She's nineteen and swedish," Blair smirked.

"Really?" his eyes bugged, his head tilted.

"No not really," she giggled. "She's twenty two and from Brooklyn. Her name is Sam and she was the only one that Nicky took a liking to,"

"I'm sure she's great,"

"I'm already feeling a panic attack coming on," she closed her eyes.

"Blair, you can't be with her every second of the day

"I was practically raised by Dorota,..." she closed her eyes. "It's not like I developed an affinity for vodka but when I was younger my mom said I always wanted Dorota, if I hurt myself or wanted to talk, I always wanted Dorota..."

"Blair,..." Dan rolled his eyes playfully. "That girl always wants her mommy,"

"She does not! she always wants you!"

"You have to be kidding! she's always yelling for you,"

"That is completely ass-backwards. I couldn't tell you how many times she's wanted you instead of me,"

"Then why is she always asking me for you?"

"Dan, i'm telling you!"

"Are we fighting over our child?" Dan asked.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"Oh you're early," Blair held her hands together and faked a smile at the new nanny. Her eyes glanced at the large Roman numeral clock on the wall, "I was pretty sure I said to come by for eight thirty and it's only seven thirty..." her lips pursed slightly.

"I just thought,... it's my first day so I should,..." Sam stood politely in front of the elevator, Blair intimidating her to the point of near shaking.

"We _were_ having a family breakfast," Blair starred through her. After a beat she escorted the young girl through to the dining-room where Nicky and Dan were eating. Dan was completely ready, his suit was on, his face was shaved. Nicky was a a stark contrast from Dan with her messy ponytail that went all the way down her back, her prim and proper school uniform no-where to be found.

"Breakfast first then we can draw. What is that?" Dan pointed at a drawing Nicky was distracted with.

"Thas you!" she said tilting her head to the side and clucking her tongue comically.

"I have legs coming out of my chin!" he sounded alarmed and Nicky threw her head back with laughter. "Where's my body?" he leaned over to get a better look. "Do I look like this?" he placed his hands under his chin and made his fingers bend like they were little legs and Nicky laughed so hard she nearly choked. Dorota carried a plate of eggs, bacon, fresh fruit and toast to the table.

"Mixed berry for mister Dan, not just plain strawberry," she said as she put his plate down in front of him.

"Thank-you so much," he smiled genuinely.

"Peanut butter for miss Nicky," she beamed at the little girl who she adored.

"MMM!" Nicky made fists in excitement.

"What do you say?" "

"Thank-you Dorota," she thanked the maid with her precious little voice and smiled up at her brightly.

"What are you going to learn at school today?" Dan asked.

"I don't know," she shrugged.

"The stock market?"

"No!"

"System analyzing?"

"No!"

"What on earth are they teaching kids these days?," he said as he chewed. "What are you going to do when you grow up if you don't know the stock market?"

"I'm, i'm,...I'm going to read books," she looked at him with her large doe eyes, very secure and serious in her answer.

"Miss Nicky want job like daddy," Dorota smiled.

"Maybe I want,..I want to wear nice shoes," she was eating her eggs with her fingers, picking up little pieces with her thumb and index finger, making the whole process take forever.

"Do you think mommy's job is wearing nice shoes?" he asked while laughing.

"and talking on the phone," she nodded.

"And bossing people around," Dan added then looked up at Dorota who confirmed with a nod.

"Dan?" Blair's voiced called out as she brought the girl into the room. "This is Sam," she introduced the two in a near exasperated way. She rested one hand on her hip.

"Oh hello," he stood up and shook her hand.

"Sam!" Nicky stood up on her chair so she could hug her new friend.

"Nicky, sit down please," Blair ordered. "Finish your breakfast," she turned back to the young girl and began firing off information.

"On a normal day, Dan would drop Nicky off at school but today he's coming with me. So you'll be dropping her off and picking her up at noon. She only has morning kindergarten this year. Next year it will be all day so you'll only be required to start your day at two thirty. You pick her up, take her home, give her a snack and then keep her mind stimulated until five. This is just regular day routine. Dan travels for work frequently but they are usually short trips,..." Sam interupted Blair when she noticed there was no end in sight to these instructions.

"I have it all here," Sam showed Blair her notebook that already had this information in it.

"I like to be thorough," Blair flashed a fake smile, starting to not like this girl for some unknown reason. Maybe it was that she seemed much too confident.

"It's a good way to be Mrs. Waldorf," Sam nodded with a large smile.

"...Humphrey," Blair blinked.

"Right," she half nodded.

"I'm done!" Nicky declared. "May I be scused?" she asked.

"Excused?" Dan checked her plate and gave her permission to leave. She grabbed Sam by the hand and led her into her bedroom asking her if she knew how to make a french braid.

"I'm not sure. I can try," she spoke as Nicky pulled her in, slamming the door behind her. Blair cringed at the cracking sound.

"I can make a french braid..." Blair frowned and Dan laughed lightly as he flipped his newspaper over and continued drinking his coffee. Blair rested her hands on his shoulders and slowly leaned over until her face was pressed against his. "I don't like this," Dan took one of her hands and kissed it.

"She's going to be fine,"

"I know that. I'm not worried about her safety. I'm..."

"Being controlling?"

"I don't want her to grow up thinking her mom was too busy to...," she sighed. "Pick her up from school...or braid her hair in the morning," she sighed sadly.

"You're worrying about nothing," Dan stood and collected the plates, hearing the sound of dishes clinking, Dorota scurried in.

"I get Mister Dan..." she tried to take the plates from him.

"I got em'," he waved her off with a smile. "You made breakfast, no need to clean up," he placed the dishes in the dishwasher as Blair continued her roll of concerns.

"Mommy like my hair?" Nicky pranced out into the dining-room.

"It's very,...bridal," she squinted.

"Bridal?" Sam gave Nicky a goofy face. Are you getting married?" she asked Nicky with a giggle.

"No," she looked confused causing Sam to laugh.

"Well, do you have a boyfriend?" she asked the little girl.

"My uncle Nate is my boyfriend," she said simply with a shrug causing Blair's eyes to bug out of her head.

"What a bloody terrifying thought," Dan and Blair chuckled.

"And Liam is my boyfriend, and Scotty,...and Harrison,"

"Goodness, that's a lot of boys," Sam chuckled.

"Lock her in a tower!" Blair mused to Dan as he walked out to wipe down the table. Nicky pulled Sam by the hand again so she could show her something else as Dan noticed Blair didn't touch her breakfast.

"I'm not hungry," she tried to walk away but he caught her elbow.

"Sit down,"

"I can't. I have to find a pair of shoes..." she trailed off as Dan's eyebrows raised.

"Sit. Down," he annunciated carefully with the slight growling sound that always made her obey. Blair did as she was told and took a seat. Dan stabbed a grape with his fork and held it out to her.

"This is ridiculous," she rolled her eyes but accepted the grape and chewed it. After a few more forkfuls of breakfast Blair cried out, "Okay that's enough!," she held her hand up as Dan tried to feed her more scrambled eggs.

"This plate is not cleared. You may not be excused,"

"Okay daddy!" she said in a sassy way with a smirk, she opened her mouth and accepted some more.

"Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! ," she exaggerated with a soft eye roll.

"Yeah you like that?" Dan smirked with a chuckle.

"Yeah daddy," she bit her lip then looked up to see Sam waiting to ask a question. Blair's whole face flushed red starting at her neck.

"Yes. She has to wear her knee socks," Blair answered quickly, Sam scurried off to convince Nicky that omitting them was not an option. "Ohmygod," Blair lifted her hands and covered her face with embarrassment.

"That just seemed worse than it was right?" she asked Dan who didn't seem to care. He took a glance down the hall and put a grape between his teeth.

"Want this?"

"I'm not doing it," she looked away and lifted her tea cup for a sip. Dan moved closer to her, Blair grabbed his face with one hand and took the grape in her mouth, kissing him hard. Blair spilled a little tea on the table as she attempted to set it down, being too distracted by Dan's lips on the pulse point of her neck. Dan's hand was now resting on the side of Blair's face, her lips alternating between pressing soft open kisses on his top lip and then his bottom lip.

"Are you in luuubbb?" Nicky sassed as she climbed up on to the chair beside her mom.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"So she smiled at him and you think that's flirting?" Nina asked with an eyebrow raise.

"I don't know. I didn't like the way she looked at him,"

"Blair,..."

"What?, I know it's not going to amount to anything. I'm not worried about him. I just wonder what she was thinking in that moment when he shook her hand..."

"Not everyone is in love with your husband Blair,"

"I know that!...It was just a vibe I can't explain it,"

"Maybe she recognizes his face from the back of one of his books,"

"Hm," Blair considered that as she watched Dan walk around the office with a file folder in his hands.

"Excuse me," Dan said as he made his way past Naomi.

"Of course," Naomi stepped out of his path so he could get to the whiteboard.

"Who's the new guy?" Callie asked Naomi quietly as she walked over with a stack of papers. Blair bit her lip with a slight amused expression before smiling at Nina with satisfaction. "I'm not sure. Ask Nina," Naomi said still starring at Dan from across the room.

"Uh...he's,..." Nina began but Blair jumped in.

"Intern,...why?" she willed herself to keep a serious expression. Looking over, Dan started writing on the white board; printing out Blair's important points of the day for her.

"He's...a nice addition" Callie smirked at Blair.

",...tell me, what is it that you find attractive?" Blair cleared her throat, her face reserved in a curious expression.

"I don't know," she said simply witha shrug.

"Why don't you go see if he's interested?" Blair's eyes widened.

"Blair,..." Nina said under her breath.

"Should I?" Callie looked between Blair and Nina, wanting an opinion.

"Why not?" Blair asked with a shrug, she crossed her leg.

"...he's wearing a wedding ring" Naomi pointed out as he continued writing on the board with his left hand.

"Oh look at that" Blair shrugged then brought her hand up to inspect her own wedding rings before walking into her office.

",...That's Blair's husband isn't it?" Callie asked Nina. Walking over to Blair's desk, Nina picked up a framed picture.

"Dan and Blair!" she smiled presenting it to her in true Vanna White fashion.

"UGH!" Callie groaned. "Shoot me," she covered her face with a sheet of paper and made soft crying noises.

"Oh Callie," Nina chuckled before setting the photo down. "Remember when I said Blair is an interesting type of boss? get readyyyy," she sung as she clinked towards Dan.

"What?" he asked as she stopped in front of him. Nina didn't say anything she just looked him up and down a few times. "What are you doing?" he asked with a squint.

"I don't get it...I don't get it!" she threw her hands up in the air and walked away.

"Do you know what's up with Nina?" Dan asked as Blair approached him.

"I wish you could stay and edit for me all day," Blair pouted ignoring him.

"I can't. I have so much to do at work today," he apologized. "But I organized all this," he handed her a file folder. "And I made corrections in this," he opened a page to show her. "I'll see you later okay?"

"Thank-you," Blair said. "I really appreciate the help," she smiled up at him adoringly.

"Ok,..." his eyes scanned her face before she extended her arms around him and clasped her hands at the nape of his neck. She then leaned in for a peck.

"I can't be late I have a board meeting ," he said after her lips released his.

"Okay," Blair saw Callie looking over, she threw her arms around him again.

"What are you do-ing...?" Dan asked as he pressed his lips firmly against hers. "MMm, what's this about?" she continued to kiss him.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

Blair stood in the lobby of her apartment waiting for Dan to pick her up. She was wearing large sunglasses, a pretty blush sundress that cinched at her waist with a thick belt and pretty, matching pumps. Her stomach was in knots, she hadn't spent time with him since finding out he was dating Gillian. When his car pulled up she took a deep breath and clicked across the marble of the revolving doors and on to the cement of the sidewalk. A doorman was leaning into Dan's window asking if he wanted to park in the guest lot. "I'm actually just picking someone up," he explained why he was idling on the roundabout driveway as he lowered his sunglasses.

"Someone is here!" Blair walked faster and slipped into the passenger seat.

"Hey!" Dan smiled.

Every now and then she'd look over at him while he drove. He'd be babbling on and she wouldn't hear a word, she just watched him, it felt so weird to be sitting in this seat and have both of Dan's hands on the wheel, especially when her legs were bare. She wondered if he had to remind himself to keep his hands to himself the way she had to remind herself that his hand didn't belong on her leg.

"So what do you think we should do first? I was thinking MOMA then lunch and maybe after that we could catch something at film forum?" Blair said. "Or we could just hangout at your place, or mine I suppose. You know what? I just remembered the new exhibit at the MET. So maybe,..."

"Oh Blair, i'm sorry. I know I said we could spend the day together but it's actually Gillian's birthday. I forgot,...she's not too excited about me spending any time with you today so..." he chuckled a little. "You want to just get coffee?" Blair's excitement of the day deflated entirely. She got all ready to spend the whole day with him and now he was telling her that he only had a couple hours.

"Yeah. Let's get coffee," she breathed feeling immensely let down.

When they arrived at the coffee shop Blair hurried over to the fireplace and snagged them the comfy leather chairs that they would normally sit in while they discussed the most pretentious pieces of literature. Dan ordered them their usuals and before he could even sit down Blair was asking him a question.

"Why didn't you tell me about Gillian?"

Dan groaned a little even if he expected the question. "I don't know. I didn't think it was going to amount to anything and it felt like it might ruin our relationship. We're doing a good job at piecing our friendship back together," he settled in the chair beside hers.

"I don't know what you see in her to be honest. She's kind of a bitch," she lifted her mug to her lips.

"Maybe I have a type," Dan bit back. Blair's eyes fell to the table in front of them.

"She accused me of lying," Blair defended herself.

"Well, she did have a point. There was a time when you wanted the tattoo covered,"

"I,...I briefly considered covering it. But I'm not going to,"

"I've been thinking and maybe we should just keep the other people in our lives separate,"

"Well that was the plan before my boyfriend decided we had to share a table,"

"Just stop saying that," Dan groaned and fidgeted in his chair.

"Saying what?"

"Boyfriend,..."

"That's what he is Dan," Blair said softly. "And Gillian is your girlfriend and I can accept that even if I think you downgraded. From Macron to Twinkie? really?" Dan let out a soft laugh.

"Really your taste in women is an abomination!," she thought she was being funny but Dan stopped laughing.

"It's not exactly my fault that you feel personally threatened by nearly every woman on the Upper East side," he said with spite.

"That's not fair," she looked into her coffee mug.

"Maybe not but maybe now you can see why I don't want to give you any information about these things. You always have an opinion. I don't know if it's serious and I don't want to involve you unless it's serious ,..."

"That would explain why she hasn't seen your tattoo,..." she gulped and Dan knew it was a euphemism.

"Blair,..." he bit his lip but decided the moment was moot.

"I shouldn't say this but,..." she inhaled and wondered if she really should avoid this. "I don't think it would matter how she dressed or what she did for a living...I don't like it,"

"C'mon Blair,..." Dan groaned.

"I know. I know,...I don't have a leg to stand on. I've obviously moved on but,...I'm just not ready to see you with anyone and i'm especially not ready to see you with a pretty one like Gillian who seems to make you happy," she took a breath. "I mean, I want you happy I just don't want to see it. So if we continue our friendship I just don't want to see her,"

"When we spend time together you flirt with Patrick on the phone," Dan said. "You kiss him before you leave the apartment right in front of me and I never say anything, you know why? because i'm not the boss of you, I am _not_ your husband. Blair, you have to stop acting like you're my wife,"

For a moment Blair took in his words and nodded gently. "I understand that. I do. But Patrick and I have been together so much longer so it's..."

"Oh right when we were still married! wow I shouldn't care about that at all,..."

"Dan, you've had plenty of time to adjust to this. This is such a new thing for me. Seeing you with someone else feels like,..." she bit her lip. "Maybe if you told me about her earlier it wouldn't have hit me so hard. You knew about Patrick! you have known for a long time. You and frumpy have been together for what? six weeks? I mean c'mon she hasn't even seen your tattoo!"

"Because I don't take my shirt off!" he yelled causing Blair to inhale sharply. Dan starred at the floor for a moment. "...or I shut the lights off... because i'm ashamed of it," he said quietly, Blair's lip began to tremble and her nose twitched. Perfectly still, her eyes were the only part of her body that moved. "and everyday I look in the mirror and wonder why the hell I ever thought it was a good idea to put your name on me," She looked away from him, eyes huge glossy as she willed herself to remain aloof and unaffected.

"I wish I didn't do it,"

Blair wiped her eyes and couldn't fight the frown on her face. "Well that doesn't feel good at all," she breathed slowly.

"Don't act like you're in love with your tattoo Blair. I know you're just as ashamed as I am,"

"I'm sorry," she blew air out trying to get a hold of herself. Dan moved up in his seat and rested his hand on top of hers. As people walked in the shop they looked over at Blair who was still covering her eyes. "Okay, i'm okay," she lowered her hands and showed her vulnerability. Her cheeks were pink, the rims of her eyes swollen and red.

"I really wanted this but I just can't see it ever working. If we can't even share a table with significant others..." she said quietly.

"Maybe time will change that. Your mom and dad are still friends and they have dinners with their significant others all the time," he smiled optimistically. Blair's eyes squeezed shut.

"_But your parents can't_," she squeaked. She bit her bottom lip to prevent herself from crying but it didn't work, her eyes filled with tears and Dan's head tilted to the side.

"Blair, that's because my parents hate each-other and they have nothing to say to one another. We're not like them," he tried to calm her.

"I can't foresee a time when I will ever,..." she inhaled. "be comfortable sitting with a girlfriend or..." she took in a sharp breath. "...or a wife of yours,"

"Okay," Dan nodded while tapping his finger tips together. "Then we're just going to have to prevent that from happening," Blair let out a slight sob knowing it would be impossible.

"I think maybe,...I'm not sure being friends is a good idea," Blair expressed.

"I'm not either," he agreed regretfully.

"So, I think I should go. Do you want me to drive you home?"

"No, i'm going to go to the MET," she nodded softly.

"For the record,...you might not like Gillian but I think you could do so much better than Patrick," Dan tried to lighten the mood and keep her from crying.

"Don't be mean," she laughed through her tears.

"I just want what's best for you. And when I say that I mean,...someone who stimulates you, challenges you and treats you well,"

"Two out of three ain't bad," Blair smirked with a sniff.

"Depends on which two,"

They sat for a moment in silence knowing that the moment they parted their friendship was going to be over before it even rebuilt. Dan finished his coffee and slowly lifted from his chair. "It was nice being friends with you," he said much too formally.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

Gillian liked to talk in circles. She would say things to get certain responses. She would dance around ideas hoping to pry some information out of Dan. What she didn't know was that he had her all figured out. He knew every time she mentioned that she always wanted to give Lucas a sibling causally as if it was just a fleeting thought, that she was trying to test the waters. "I'm thirty five,..." she hummed gently as Dan poured her a cup of tea. "It's weird knowing I only have a few more years before I won't be able to have any more children...I always wanted to give Lucas a sibling," she smiled up at him. "I guess some things just aren't meant to be," One of Dan's eyebrows lifted as if to ask if she really thought she was being discrete.

"Dan,..." Gillian bit the inside of her cheek and he could see she was working up some courage to ask him something. "What umm,...what's IVF like?"

"What is it like? what do you mean?" his eyes narrowed as stirred both mugs.

"I was thinking I might freeze some eggs,"

"Well, from what I gather it is very painful," he lifted the spoon out of the last mug and dropped it in the sink. "It's exhausting, it's stressful...You have to take shots, you have to take medication and then you go in for your appointment. It doesn't take very long. They usually put you out for it,"

"I think I might do it. That way if I want to have a kid down the line i'll have healthy eggs," she pondered. "Do you think Blair would talk to me about her experience,"

"Uh, Please don't ask her about that," he tilted his head to the side with a slight wince.

"Okay I won't," she felt uncomfortable for even bringing it up with him. "It's just,..." she nearly rolled her eyes. "If she decided to have a baby that way she shouldn't be ashamed of it,"

"She's not ashamed of it," Dan clipped and grabbed both the mugs. "Let me ask you this. Why would you ever do that to Lucas?" Dan took a seat pushing her tea towards her.

"What do you mean?"

"He's a child from a broken home and you want to give him a sibling,"

"I'm still not following,"

"If you got married and had another child, the new child would live with you and your new husband,"

"Correct," she nodded.

"And Lucas gets shipped back and fourth between you and your ex while the new child gets to stay,"

"Lucas has two parents who love him," she defended herself.

"If I had another child, that child would live with me all the time. Nicky gets to live with me fifty percent of the time. How is that fair to her?

"Dan, there are so many people with blended families. You're acting like it's a new concept. In-fact, i'm sure Nicky would like the idea of a sibling, same as Lucas,"

"I'm completely against the idea of having another child," Dan said confidently as he brought his mug to his lips.

"Why?"

"Why?" he nearly laughed. "Do you think I could love another kid like I love her?," he asked rhetorically

"That's silly," she rolled her eyes.

"How? I don't want to divide myself. I don't want her to be one of two I want her to be the only one,"

"You're relationship with her is so strong, it wouldn't change if you had another. And don't tell me you never considered having another child,"

"Never. You always stop once you create perfection," she took a sip from his mug and attempted to be done with the conversation as he glanced at the newspaper.

"That's sweet. But be honest,"

"Honest?,..I _would_ have had another one," he nodded.

"But not anymore?"

"No,"

"Why not? what changed?"

"..." he shrugged not wanting to answer that. "We had Nicky for all the right reasons. She was a blessing and I mean that in the most literal sense,"

"you said that you would have had another one. Why not anymore?" she pried.

"Do you want me to be a hundred percent honest with you?"

"Yes please,"

"I only ever wanted to have kids with Blair and I'm always going to feel that way," he said bluntly catching Gillian off guard.

"Wow," she put her hands up as if he just threw the biggest insult in her face.

"You wanted honesty,"

"How can you say something like that?"

"I never wanted to have kids. That was never even a passing thought. I was not interested and neither was Blair. When we decided to have kids it was because of our relationship together. She would never have a child with anyone else and I wouldn't even consider it,"

"I'm kind of sick and tired of you talking about her like that," she straightened up in her chair.

"Like what?"

"You always bring her up as if she's still a big part of your life even though she..."

"I have no reason to hate Blair,"

"I could give you a hundred and it starts with the fact you're so emotionally bruised by her that you still talk about her like she's some amazing being who transcends grace and.."

"She does,"

"...She treated you like shit! she broke up with you and kicked you out of your apartment! you let her dictate everything! and I know that you don't want to see this but you were a punching bag. You were used to take abuse and when she was done with you she moved on,"

"Gillian, Blair and I broke up because of me," he said simply hating the fact she treated him like he was some poor boy badly scorned by an evil woman.

"Dan,...you have to stop blaming yourself. I don't know what she told you to believe but you don't deserve to live your life thinking you ruined your marriage,"

"I did," he half nodded, he said seriously. "I ruined my marriage,"

"How?" she asked simply. "How on earth did you single handedly bring down your marriage? I don't believe it for one second,"

"I have a problem," he rubbed the bridge of his nose knowing this wasn't going to be easy to admit. The only people in his life that he could talk about this with were Nate and Blair. "Well," he inhaled. "I _had_ a serious problem," Gillian began to shake her head. As he explained everything Gillian didn't cease to stop shaking her head. She couldn't wrap her mind around it. The image of this upstanding man in front of her had vanished and all she saw was someone selfish and troubled.

"So you go to meetings? you have some type of program right?" she seemed so uncomfortable with this new information she almost wished she remained blissfully ignorant to Dan's past. "How long do you do that for? is it court ordered or..."

"I will go for as long as I feel I should,"

"And how long will that be?" she rubbed her chin gently, her eyes wandered around the room.

"Not anytime soon," he answered quietly.

"So you still feel as though you could revert back? fall off the wagon? what am I dealing with here? are you still doing it?" she asked questions quickly without giving him time to answer.

"No," he shook his head, his eyes narrowing at how defensive she was becoming. "No. No. I'm clean. The meetings just put things into perspective for me..."

"So what were you some kind of monster during this time?" she asked with a gulp. "Did you do something wrong? did you hit her?"

"No," Dan said gently chewing on his lip.

"Then why didn't you move past this and stay together?" she asked.

"Because i'm not the same person I once was to her." he said softly knowing Gillian would soon understand this better than she could imagine.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Blair was sitting at her desk typing away when a loud knock startled her. "Yes?" she answered in an irritated tone. There was no need for the heavy handed rapping. Nina opened the door and slammed it behind her. "What is wrong with you?" Blair scowled. Nina crossed her arms in front of her friend.

"What are you doing?" she asked Blair through tight lips.

"I could ask you the same question!" Her eyes were wild and annoyed. "...what could I have possibly done to condone such a ridiculous entrance!...I didn't even say you could come in," she lifted from her chair, her fingers pressing forcibly into the desk.

"You fucked up!" she pointed at Blair.

"What are you talking about!?" Blair yelled.

"You're still dating Patrick?"

"So what if I am?" Blair's eyes widened. "It's none of your business Nina!"

"IT'S NONE OF NICKY'S!" Nina's eyes filled up with tears.

"Be quiet!" Blair snarled hoping the rest of the office didn't hear anything.

"_You said_," her voice trembled, "you said he wasn't what you wanted!, you said it wouldn't last and you said you were going to break up with him!"

"Nina,..." Blair's head tilted to the side.

"No, I don't care why you've decided to put off breaking up with him, that's your business. What i'm livid about, is that you brought him to meet your daughter," she looked at Blair with disgust.

"Who told you that?" Blair gulped.

"Nate," she answered simply. "Blair,..." she inhaled and laid a hand on her heart. "You know...you know what I went through as a kid!"

"It's one guy Nina! it's not a slew of men coming in and out of my life! it's not a harem of women coming in and out of her dad's bedroom!...it's one guy! one harmless guy," her hands flailed around as she tried to explain this was not the same situation.

"and what happens when she gets attached to him and you decide he's not good enough?"

"She's not going to get attached to him," Blair sat back down at her desk and started typing.

"Don't ignore me, Blair!. What happens when he decides to just get up and leave because you are using him? what happens when she..."

"It's none of your business! you don't get to tell me how I raise my daughter! Dan told me it was okay for them to meet. It's not your decision!"

"What changed?"

"I realized I need to give him a chance," she pushed hair behind her ears and went back to her computer screen.

"Bullshit," Nina said with ease.

"Nina, i'm busy,"

"What did Dan do?" she crossed her arms.

"What?" she looked up.

"What did he do that made you attach yourself to Patrick?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about what you've done since the start of your separation, you run to Patrick when Dan makes things hard. What did Dan do?"

"He didn't do anything Nina!"

"Blair, you're better than this!, you are successful, you're bright! you don't do stupid shit like this!"

"HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND NINA!" Blair yelled.

"And you have known this for weeks!"

"I know myself. I know what i'm doing. I need Patrick right now because without him i'm going to do something I regret," her jaw clenched.

"Don't use him Blair," Nina walked over.

"I don't know what else to do," she bit her lip and willed herself to keep from crying. "I know I said that it will pass and it's just me reverting back but it doesn't feel that way at all," she swallowed hard. "I can't help but wonder if I made a mistake. And now I can't even tell him that without it being about him having a girlfriend," she covered her eyes. "If I tell him how I feel now, he's going to think I want to control his life and that i'm allowed to do whatever I want while he has to obey my rules. I missed my chance to be honest with him," she wiped her eyes.

"Hindsight is twenty-twenty,"

"I gave up on him," she inhaled. "and now I lose,"

"Blair, this was never your fault,"

"Losing him was my fault," her lip shook. "I know what he did was awful but I pushed him away because of the moral compass I pretend to have,"

"Blair, that's not true," Nina's head tilted to the side.

"Nina, I forgave Chuck for so much worse," she ran a knuckle under her eye.

"You don't need a man in your life. You are the smartest most successful woman I know. You do not need a man,"

"I need that one," she cried. "I need that particular one,"

**XOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

"I've been gone less than five minutes! Tell Celina everything she wrote was rubbish and figure the rest out yourself...I'll be back in twenty minutes. I'm just going to Dan's book signing. I don't know...five minutes. Depends on how long the line is,...what am I saying, i'm his wife i'm entitled to butting the line," she said smugly.

Blair stopped talking immediately. Jo yelled through the phone trying to get her attention, "Blair?...Blair?"

"Yeah, i'll call back in a few..." she pulled the phone from her face and found she was face to face with Nicky and her new nanny, Sam.

"Mummy!" Nicky said in her coquettish voice.

"Hello bebe," a smiled spread across her face, her eyes beamed.

"We decided to take a little stroll in the park,"

"I can see that,..." Blair struggled to get her phone in her bag.

"Mummy we're gunna feed the ducks,"

"Oh that sounds nice..." she smiled. "Okay well..." Blair gulped before leaning in and pressing a kiss on her baby's face. "I'll see you when I get home from work okay?"

"Okay!"

As Blair walked across the park she kept looking back at Nicky and her nanny who were walking hand in hand now. "Sam!" Blair turned in her heels. "Can I...do you think maybe I could...if you don't mind, can I take her to Dan's book signing? i'll bring her back,' Suddenly Blair had an epiphany, Nicky was her daughter and she didn't have to ask permission for anything. "I'm going to take her for the rest of the afternoon so,...enjoy the rest of your day,"

"But..."

"No, that'll be all," she took Nicky's hand and they continued through the park. "You want to go and see daddy?"

"Yes!"

"Okay, let's go,"

As Blair and Nicky approached the little book shop, they could see pictures of Dan's book on posters. Nicky shrieked with delight upon seeing her cartoon version all over the windows.

"You want to surprise him?" Blair asked before turning to see Gillian.

"Oh hello," her eyes widened.

"Hey!, I decided to come by for the book signing. It looks like it's going to be so cute," she gestured to the posters.

"It is cute," Blair said. "We've read it every night, right Nic?"

"Mmmhm!" she nodded.

"It's so nice of you to show up for his book signing in the middle of the week,...don't you have work?" Blair asked, her eyes narrowing.

"I'm on my lunch break," she explained. "I guess we should get in the line, it's getting pretty long," Gillian smiled and opened the door for Blair who completely bypassed the line and went straight to the front of the table.

"Daddy!" Nicky smiled.

"Hi baby," he squeezed her hand when they got closer.

"Dan,..."

"Blair, You just butt the line..." Dan looked out at the people, mostly women with children.

"So?" she shrugged. "Sign a book for me," she pushed Nicky up further on her hip.

"Didn't you have to work? where's Sam?"

"I told her to take the afternoon off,"

"Why?"

"Dan I was walking through the park and ran into them!," her eyes were wide with distaste.

"So..."

"Do you know how terrible it makes me feel? do you know that I can't stand the thought of someone else getting to spend the day with her?"

"Then what are you going to do?...bring her to work with you?" Blair smoothed out Nicky's hair and kissed her forehead. "No," she said simply. "I'm going to quit,"

"Huah...what?" he stood up looking at the sea of people waiting for their signed copy of his novel.

"I mean it. When she starts full time school i'll..."

"You'll what? Blair this is like preschool all over again. You have to know when to step back. I know you. The second she starts full kindergarten you're going to decide home schooling her is more important then your career,"

"No. I just can't do it yet..."

"Blair you were home with her for four years..."

"You're acting like we'll end up in the poor house if i don't work,"

"I'm worried you're giving up your life long dreams so you can control her life,"

"That's not true,"

"Can we have this conversation at home?"

"Yes, fine. But i'm not going back into work today,"

"Fine. I'll see you in a couple hours," he laughed with a goodbye kiss. Nicky blew Dan kisses all the way out the door, he caught every one.

"God, she's cute isn't she?" Dan said to the next fan.

**XOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

"Mummy what should I get him?" Nicky buzzed with excitement as they walked down fifth avenue with their shopping bags.

"You don't have to get daddy anything. You could make him a card or..."

"No, I want to buy him a present! I have money saved up and I really want to get him something!"

"Ok," she nodded gently. "What did you have in mind?"

"I was hoping you could think of something he's mentioned,"

"Daddy's never been interested in things,"

"I want to get him something that he will use all the time. You know? like the pen you gave him. Do you think I have enough saved for one like that?"

"I don't think he needs another one of those sweets,"

"But how much was it in case I decide to get him another one,"

"It was very expensive by pen standards,"

"Like more than five hundred dollars?"

"Little bit," Blair smirked.

"Like six hundred?"

"Around there,"

"Mummy! you weren't even in love with him then!"

"Who says?" Blair smiled.

"I read some of his book..."

"Nicky..." Blair said with a groan. "Do not read dad's books. They are for adults. I do not want you reading them. I've told you this how many times? no more,"

"Ugh," she sighed. "Mummy!," Nicky sighed. "It's not every day that my father's book reaches number one on New York times best seller list!" she sighed.

"I know but you're nine."

"What should I get him?" she went back to her original enquiry.

"I told you. He doesn't need a present. He would be just as happy to receive a hug and a kiss. Tell him you're happy for him and that you're proud of him,"

"No, i'm getting him a present," she skipped along looking in store windows and contemplating."Why must he be the most difficult man on earth to buy presents for!"

On their way home Nicky was visually upset that she couldn't find a present for her dad, she had a sulky face and looked quite irritated.

"Don't worry now. Tomorrow we could go to one of his favourite used book stores and see if we can find something special," they walked into their apartment and Blair stopped in the foyer to see a large bouquet of peonies, her heart sunk in her chest she knew exactly what they were for. Blair's eyes threatened with tears immediately, she didn't need to read the card.

"Delivery man bring flowers," Dorota said softly with a gentle smile.

"Mommy! who sent you flowers?" Nicky bounced over after removing her shoes.

"Oh, they're just,...um from work. Left over from an event," she cleared her throat and ripped the card out of it's holder, stuffing it into her pocket.

"They're beautiful!" Nicky leaned in and smelled them.

"They're stunning," Blair agreed gently combing her daughter's hair with her finger tips. "Go put your bags in your room and get ready. Grandpa will be here any minute," As Nicky skipped off, Blair pulled the card out of her pocket.

**So long as we live they too shall live **

**and love for they are a part of us, as we remember them**

Blair didn't know what to do with herself. Her hand began to shake and she quietly rested it on the table and closed her eyes. "I forgot Dorota," her eyes looked over, glossy and pained with guilt. "I forgot,..." she brought her hand up to cover her mouth as Dorota rushed over and pulled her into a hug.

"Miss Blair,..." Dorota sighed as she rubbed her back. "Mister Dan don't send to make you cry,"

"Mummy!" Nicky came skipping out of her bedroom.

Blair immediately pulled from Dorota and wiped her eye on her sleeve with a soft smile. "Yes, sweets?" she sniffed once.

"How's this dress?" she did a spin.

"It's beautiful," she commented.

"I'm going to wear my Tiffanys bracelet!" she smiled happily as she skipped back towards her room. Blair closed her eyes and took in a calming breath as Dorota stood concerned. The elevator opened and Patrick walked in.

"Hi sweetie," he took a gentle hold of her arm and smooched her in a perfunctory way that didn't require Blair to kiss back. He then held his hand out to Dorota and dropped a gum wrapper in her open palm. Without a word Dorota closed her hand, looked up at him for a beat, then left them alone so she could get his piece of trash in the nearest receptacle.

"You look nice," she cleared her throat.

"You okay? who sent flowers?" he asked smacking his gum loudly.

"Oh uh," she shrugged. "They were from a work event," she lied.

"What are you doing?" Patrick's eyebrows knitted together. "Shouldn't you be getting ready?"

"Mhmm," she bit the inside of her cheek trying to pull herself together. "Dan's dad is coming to get Nicky so i'm just waiting,"

"Hi Princess," Patrick greeted Nicky who was now completely ready.

"He'll be here any moment so I just want to get you something to complete the ensemble," she grabbed Nicky's hand and brought her into her bedroom. Patrick followed to Blair's dismay. He rested his hand above his head on the door frame and watched as Blair bent down in front of Nicky. She looked up to see Patrick smiling and starring at them. Blair found Nicky a necklace and fascinated it around her neck, then positioned it so it fell properly. A sadness fell over Blair as she looked at her daughter and thought about the flowers in her foyer. She bit her lip to prevent herself from getting over emotional. "I love you so much," her eyes filled.

"I love you too," Nicky's eyes were wide with worry. "Are you okay mommy?" she asked as Blair held her close and kissed her temple repeatedly. When she pulled back from her she inspected her dress and shoes. Nicky was ready for her first opera. Blair could have burst into laughter when she heard that Nicky had convinced Rufus to take her to such an event. But it was fitting, he was used to strong women telling him what to do. Blair suddenly heard Patrick talking with someone and she knew it was Rufus.

"Hey, yeah we're over here," he held his hand out. "You must be Nicky's grandfather,"

"Yes,..." Rufus looked at him skeptically as he shook the strange man's hand.

**XOXOXOXOX**

Now, drained, depressed and on edge, Blair did not want to be at this event filled with Eleanor's associates and new buyers looking at her current designs.

"Mingle!" Eleanor handed Blair a glass of champagne. "Work your magic!" she laughed lightly. "What's with you?" she asked Blair who couldn't bother to fake a smile.

"Nothing i'm fine," she blinked. Eleanor looked up to see Patrick gazing at her new designs.

"Why on earth would you bring him?" she asked her daughter.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, I hope you're prepared to introduce him to people as your boyfriend," she smirked sarcastically knowing what her mother meant. Half these people didn't even know Blair and Dan were no longer together. Just as Eleanor promised, Blair had explained her situation with Patrick to over a dozen people before she even made it towards the sample designs displayed in the living-room. A family friend snuck up to Blair and gave her air kisses.

"It's been so long!," she smiled up at Blair then took a sip of her champagne. "How have you been?"

"Mrs. Gainsbridge. I'm well," Blair nodded trying to be polite. "How are you?"

"Lovely darling," she lifted her glass to show Blair she was almost finished and signaled that it must be the reason she's in such a good mood. "How is everyone? your husband, your precious little girl?"

"Nicky is fantastic," Blair jumped at the chance to talk about her over Dan.

"She's how old now?"

"Almost ten. About to go into fifth grade now," Blair answered with a smile. "She was actually tested and given an opportunity to skip a grade but she's not too interested in that,"

"Well, i'm sure she has many friends she doesn't want to leave,"

"Exactly," Blair nodded.

"My time flies. I remember her being such a well behaved baby and so beautiful,"

Blair smiled modestly at the woman's sweet comments, her smile slowly dropped as Patrick approached and let his hand rest intimately on her lower back. "Hello, I'm Patrick," he held his hand out to Mrs. Gainsbridge.

"Patrick this is one of my mother's dearest friends Cynthia Gainsbridge,"

"Charmed," he flashed a smile. "I'm Blair's boyfriend," he interjected just when Blair thought she could get through that introduction without mentioning her relation to him.

"Oh,...Oh I see," her eyes fell with sympathy before finished off the rest of her champagne. Patrick excused himself to meet some more people to Eleanor's obvious dismay, Blair stayed standing with Cynthia. "Darling, i'm so sorry. I didn't know,"

"It's okay," Blair smiled much too widely that it threatened to crack. "It's been awhile now so..." she took a glance at her feet.

"Are you just separated or..." she tilted her had.

"Uh we divorced nearly a year ago now," she gulped feeling her eyes sting. Her lips pressed together even though she willed them not to. Her hand rose up and wiped the corner of her eye stealthily.

"Sweetheart, I didn't mean,..." Cynthia grabbed for Blair's hand and her lip began to shake. "You are such a beautiful and talented woman," Blair knew Cynthia was trying to make her feel better but these words of kindness mixed with sympathy just made her throat hurt and her eyes drip. "All of us successful women have been married a few times," she joked lightly with a mixture of a smile and a cringe. "You're going to be fine," her voice was soothing and her hands caressing made Blair feel like it was okay to be emotional. "Here sweetheart," she handed Blair a tissue. Eleanor watched from afar as Cynthia said goodbye to Blair with double air kisses. She watched carefully as Blair took a deep breath and attempted to duck into a washroom to fix herself. The downstairs washroom was occupied, so Blair scurried to the staircase and ran up them as quickly as she could.

"Eleanor, I'm loving the new designs," someone commented.

"Thank-you so much," she held the woman's hand between her own. "I'll be right back," she climbed the stairs.

"Blair," Eleanor knocked.

"I'll be out in a minute Mother," she said in a shaky voice.

"I don't know why you came if you're going to do nothing but discuss your personal matters. I asked you to be here because you have a gift of persuasion and people see you as quite the dictator of taste. Maybe you should leave if this is how you're going to continue the rest of the night,"

The door opened harshly. "Do you know what today is?" she snapped at her mother.

"Yes," she said gently. "But," she looked around to make sure no one was in ear-shot. "It does not give you permission to act like a brat. I brought you here to help me with the buyers. I thought you would benefit me in some way but I will not have you make a scene here. Not today. Now walk taller and act like high-born lady you are,"

"How can you talk to me like that?" Blair asked her mother while grabbing for another tissue. "Today of all days! I don't need that," she frowned.

"C'mon Blair," Eleanor scoffed. "Your little boyfriend is downstairs making a complete fool out of himself. I don't know where he learned about fashion but I assure you he does not pronounce Hermes or Givenchy properly despite his claim to having extensive knowledge on both," she let out a pathetic laugh. "You should hear the snickering. I'm being made a fool of..._this wouldn't be happening if my son-in-law was here_," Eleanor said under her breath with the intention to express her distaste for Patrick.

"He's not your son-in-law!" Blair yelled.

"And why is that!?" she yelled back, her eyes growing wide.

"ohmygod!" Blair burst into tears and fell back down on the floor. "Do you think that you're the only one affected by this?" she cried. "Do you think i'm completely fine with losing my husband? because i'm not!" she wiped her eyes.

"Would you at least try and look like you want to be here," her mother said sternly.

"Did you not hear what I just said,"

"I heard what you said, I choose to ignore it,"

"You are unbelievable!" Blair cried.

"My husband left me for a man Blair!" she yelled. "And you know what? I threw myself into my business, I lost twenty pounds...," her jaw clenched tightly. "I held my head high! I did not sit on bathroom floors and mourn my failed relationship. You left him! you do not get to play 'poor Blair' I will not give you sympathy. I expect more out of you than this,"

"Excuse me?" Blair couldn't breathe. She blinked in disbelief that her mother was actually talking to her this way.

"You're old enough to know that actions have consequences and you put yourself in this situation. Now act like a big girl and smile," she said as she put a fake smile on her own face and headed down the stairs. Blair gathered herself quickly and headed to the bar for a much needed drink. The bartender handed over a neat martini. She didn't waste any time and took a generous gulp.

"Where have you been?" Patrick asked approaching her.

"I was just,..." she inhaled and looked around. "We need to leave,"

"No," he shook his head. "We can't leave what will your mother think?"

"Who cares what she thinks," she pulled on his arm.

"Blair. Your mother wants you here,"

"I'm not in the mood for this. Upstairs she has been telling me to just smile and look pretty..."

"I won't disrespect your mother," he stood firm.

"Are you kidding me? My mother doesn't want you here Patrick! you're ruining her entire event by constantly saying Give-Antshy, it's _GIVENCHY_!"

"Take your mother's advice. Smile, you look prettier that way," he said in a tone she had never heard before. A controlling tone that infuriated her.

Blair smiled sarcastically as she lifted her arm. "Smile?...like this?" as Patrick moved in thinking she was giving him a hug, she poured her martini all over his head. Quickly he grabbed for some napkins hoping no one saw.

"If you think i'm going to let that go, you are sorely mistaken," he said sternly as he followed her into the foyer. "I thought we were working on this relationship!. Get out of the elevator," he demanded. "Get out of the elevator," he repeated as his nostrils flared and his anger built.

"Why should I?"

"Because we need to talk!," he snarled. "We need to talk about how you just embarrassed me in front of all those people in there!"

"People talk when they want to resolve things. I certainly don't have any intention on working this out," she pressed the button.

**A/N:** Please review. I will attempt to upload the next chapter tomorrow. Sorry about the delay, i'm going to make sure I never let it go that long without an update again. -FQ


	20. I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow

**A/N: **Thank you all for your great reviews! Sorry that I got sick and disgusting and couldn't hold my head up long enough to finish reading this over. This one is a little heavy but you have proved to me that you can handle it. It will not be without rewards! :) ENjOY!

**(I AM A MAN OF CONSTANT SORROW)**

**BY:The Soggy Bottom Boys**

**FROM: Oh Brother Where Art Thou**

Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters**- Francisco Goya**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

_Dan broke a plate today. He purposely smashed a plate on the counter-top because he's mad. I guess Nicky's stuffed animals wouldn't suffice today. Withdrawal makes him agitated and restless, so he's tired and depressed. I'm trying so hard to make this comfortable for him but there's nothing we can do but wait it out, wait until the craving is gone and he can level out. I know this has to happen in order for him to heal but I only have so many plates and I can only keep our daughter at my mother's for so long. I hate watching him hate himself. I'm much too busy to babysit him all day and make sure he doesn't hurt himself. I hate that i'm doing this. I hate that i'm trying to help him when he's the one that did this to himself. This could have been avoided. Dan has an addictive personality and he's always known that. He's known it since coffee, he's known it since cigarettes and even his short dependance on pot when he and Nate were in twelfth grade. He should have known that this was going to happen. He should have been smarter. I feel so betrayed but what choice do I have? I have to help him, I love him. _**-B**

"I _need_ a cigarette," he looked up at Blair as if he knew she wouldn't allow him. His eyes pleaded, as he prepared to list off the reasons why she needs to give in and grant him permission. "Blair,..."

"Okay," she spoke solemnly. She wasn't in any position to take away this vice_—_not now. Dan completely appeased by Blair's allowance quickly went to his pocket jacket then scurried to the kitchen.

"Where's my lighter?" he opened a few drawers and slammed them shut. "Where's my lighter?" he asked again before Blair could answer. "Did you throw away my lighter?" he sounded paranoid.

"No," Blair shook her head. "It should be in the drawer,"

"Well it's not!," he was getting frustrated and Blair got up to find it before he rustled around and made a mess.

"Here!" Blair held the zippo in front of his face once she found it sitting right out in the open.

"Hm," he yanked it from her hand and lit the cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

"Not inside!" Blair yelled. "Dan, c'mon..." she exhaled as Dan pulled the screen door open and went out to the balcony. Blair stood with her arms crossed watching him lean over the railing and blow heavy clouds of blue smoke around him. She watched as he chain smoked about half the pack but noticed that didn't seem to have the calming effect he hoped for. When he came back inside he looked at Blair, still no smile on his face, she wondered how long it had been since she saw him look happy. He leaned in and surprised her by kissing her lips gently indicating he had been thinking while he was outside. She pulled him in for a hug, resting her head on his soft sweater, instantly her throat became irritated by the aroma of tobacco and nicotine. "What do you want for dinner?" she looked up, clearing her throat.

"I'm not hungry," he pulled from her and sat with his head in his hands, Blair made her way over and took his hand carefully, hoping he wouldn't pull away.

"Do you want to go over some questions?" she asked.

"They ask all the same questions. How hard can it be?"

"Perhaps you could think of new ways to answer?" she played with the hem of her skirt. Dan didn't say anything. Blair sat there uncomfortably for a moment before she considered getting up, "Maybe we should try rehab again?" Blair asked quietly, her hand caressing his. Dan didn't say anything he just pulled his hand away. "Dan,...i'm way over my head. I don't know what i'm doing. People at treatment facilities will know exactly what to do with you," he didn't answer her, his eyes just squeezed shut, his lip quivred causing her heart to sink in her chest.

"We'll try for a few more days, Just for a few more days," she leaned in and pressed a tender kiss on his warm neck.

"I want to feel better now," he hid his face in his hands.

"I know," she inhaled. "I promise, in a few days you're going to feel better,"

_I'm officially the worst wife in the entire world. I could have stopped him but I didn't. He instantly becomes the man I know, he smiles, he's alert, he's the man I fell in love with. I let him believe that he got away with __it__—__I__ let him believe that I have no idea. I'll try again starting tomorrow_ **-Blair**

**FLASHBACK**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Nate walked into Dan and Blair's apartment mid-day to find Dan pouring himself a glass of scotch. "You know i'm not opposed to it, but I always took you for a no-drinks-before-five kind of guy," he leaned against the archway.

"I always took you for a, call-before-I- come-over, kind of guy," Dan lifted the glass to his lips and took a sip. "No, that must be someone else because you never call before you come over," Nate chuckled as Dan slid the bottle on the granite gesturing for him to pour himself a glass.

"Stressed?" Nate smelled the bronze coloured liquid before taking a sip.

"Stressed? no," he took his head. "Hemingway said, 'Write drunk, edit sober'," Dan quoted with admiration.

"Oh,..." Nate's eyebrows raised. "You write better drunk?"

"Not sure!" Dan pointed at him. "I'm trying it out," he finished the small amount. "You know that commissioned piece I wanted to write awhile back? they're scouting again,"

"They still haven't found someone to write that?"

"No. Haven't found the right person. And i'm still determined to be that person," he raised his eyebrows with a cocky smile.

"Any progress so far though?"

"I've written some stuff. A bunch of chunks but I think I need to loosen up and just write anything and everything that comes to mind. I'm too controlled. I can't even allow myself to make any errors so my train of thought just falls apart. I feel like having a shot before might solve that problem," he collapsed on to the couch.

"This is good stuff," Nate starred into his glass.

"My dad gave it to me when I graduated. It's like fifty years old or something,"

"Where are your girls?" Nate enquired.

"Shopping for sales,..._or not sales_! as Blair likes to say. Watch she'll bust in with twenty bags in a few hours. Everything will be for Nicky. Just watch,"

For the next couple hours Dan hadn't written one word but decided it might be best to start fresh tomorrow. He was having too good of a time with Nate. They began watching Star Wars as Nate described his latest adventure that didn't involve working or even looking for a job. "You've haven't come out with me in forever. Let's go out this weekend," Nate suggested with his feet up on the coffee table. If Blair was home that would definitely not be happening.

"I told you. I have to write this submission and it's proving to be quite the task,"

"Why don't you try smoking a blunt tomorrow?, that should ease your mind," "Blair'd kill me," Dan answered promptly as if he had already considered it.

"Not if we all did it," Nate smiled. "You, Blair, Nina and I should take a little trip to the balcony this weekend. Nicky won't even be home. Isn't she going to France?"

"Tonight!" Dan nodded. "News travels fast,"

"Yeah I was talking to Nina..." Nate shrugged.

"Since when do you talk to Nina?"

"...Idunno," he cleared his throat.

They were quiet, watching the movie when Nate received a text message that made him chuckle. He clicked the screen a few times to reply then laughed into his fist obnoxiously before texting back. "What are you doing?" Dan asked.

"Nothing," Nate squeaked trying not to laugh as he text back. The constant giggling wouldn't let up and Dan couldn't stop himself from laughing at Nate's girlish giggles.

"What are you doing?" he asked again amused by his friend.

"Nothing," Nate replied. "Okay, don't hate me. Your wife is sending me dirty texts right now and i'm waiting to see how long it takes for her to realize that she's texting me and not you,"

"How dirty?" Dan's eyebrows raised with peaked interest.

"Pretty dirty,"

"Let me see," Dan moved to see.

"Hold on, hold on," Nate texted rapidly with a big stupid smile on his face and pressed send. For the next few minutes Nate fed Dan lines to see what he should send Blair next.

"Does she always send you things like this?" Nate laughed with his eyes glued to his screen.

"More often than you'd think..."

"She's going to be so pissed when she finds out it's me!" Nate laughed loudly. After a moment Nate became really quiet. "Oh that's pretty uh forward,"

"What did she say?,"

"Something about wanting you,.._ in and around her mouth_..."

"Okay this has gone on too long. Give me that!" Dan grabbed it from Nate and quickly text, **Aren't you afraid Dan will find out? -N**

A moment later Nate received a text back from Blair,** I HATE YOU!** -B

**XOXOXOXOX**

This was his only shot in becoming the respected writer he always wanted to be. The wall of his office was covered with so many storyboarding ideas Blair joked that the key notes, webs of ideas and intricate information displayed made it look like he was trying to solve a murder.

"You're putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself," Blair hugged him from behind as he sat in his computer chair, starring at his keyboard.

"Pressure makes diamonds," he said simply.

"Come to bed. You're exhausted," she massaged his shoulders.

"I can't. They want this chapter tomorrow morning and if it doesn't deliver they're going to go with the other guy,"

Blair kissed his cheek gently feeling as though maybe Dan should just give up. She hated that she felt that way but Dan had been working so hard with his research she feared it might all be for nothing. "I'll put on a pot of coffee for you," she decided to take the supportive position.

The next afternoon Dan came stomping into their apartment so frustrated Blair thought he might cry. "First they want one thing and then they want another..." he rested his forehead against the wall. "i stayed up for nearly three days straight for nothing. I'm sick of this false hope they keep giving me,"

"What did they say exactly?"

"I'm not good enough. I'm lacking emotional connection. My characters are weakly written and my storyline is dull," he smiled sarcastically. "How am I supposed to do any of this in three days? they're asking me to conjure something from thin air. They're basically asking me to start over!"

"Okay, sit down. Relax for a minute,"

"I'm done. I'm so done," he rested his head in his hands. "Maybe i'm destined for articles! it's pretty obvious I don't possess the creativity to write fiction anymore," he groaned.

"Humphrey!. I read this," she touched his manuscript that he unloaded on to the coffee table with a thud. "It's incredible," Dan rolled his eyes.

"I don't lie about things like that," she smiled. "You know i'd tell you exactly how I feel. I would never lie about your writing. This is great,"

"_Great,... _is not good enough,"

Dan asked Nate for Mike's phone number later that night. He text him quickly and asked if they could meet up. A couple hours later Dan showed up at a night club no guy could get in unless he was famous or had a supermodel on his arm. "I actually know the owner..." Dan told the bouncer who's eyes narrowed.

"Everyone knows Mike..." the bald, muscly man scoffed.

"Well, he told me to meet him here," Dan shrugged. "If you could just get him," Dan said seriously showing that he had no intention in going to the back of the line. Dan whipped out his phone and text Mike again. It wasn't a minute later that Mike's face poked out the double doors that everyone outside wanted entrance to.

"Hey," he half nodded in Dan's direction. "C'mon," he gestured by tilting his head towards the inside of the club. Dan looked at the bouncer who nodded and moved out of the way. "Sorry man," he said as Dan followed Mike inside.

"What can I do for you?" Mike asked as he closed his office door behind him. Instantly the loud noise of the club completely dissipated. The quiet was sobering and Dan wondered what he was doing there.

"I umm," he couldn't back out now. "I would like..." he let out a pathetic laugh knowing the moment he uttered the words they would sound so ridiculous.

"How much do you want?" Mike bent down and opened his desk drawer without another thought. He threw three different size bags of marijuana on the top and rambled off their names as he searched for more. "...blue dream, trainwreck, peacemaker,...pick your poison," Dan wasn't so sure he'd ever seen so much pot in his life, he lost his train of thought as he looked down at the various brands. "Pick man," Mike sighed.

"Uh, okay," Dan bit his lip. "Then umm, do you have anything stronger?" he felt so vulnerable as Mike's eyes shot up at him.

"Trainwreck is pretty strong..." his eyes locked on Dan knowing what he meant. "Wow,..." his eyes widened with realization. "And I didn't even take you for an herbal man,.."

"Yeah well,..." he shrugged stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"Okay so,...what are you looking for?" he asked softly starring at the door as if anyone could walk in at any moment.

"Uh,...umm," he cleared his throat feeling it get tight. "_cocaine_?" Dan asked feeling more than uncomfortable.

"Really?...really?!" he was shocked to say the least.

"Uhh..." Mike saw Dan's hand start to tremble with nerves.

"Okay,..okay," Mike nodded with understanding. "I have," he pulled a small bag of white powder from his breast pocket, "I only have this on me right now. I'm waiting for a delivery so you can take this or wait until next week,"

"What kind of dealer are you?" Dan said dryly with a little scoff.

_"I can hook you up with some meth_ _if you'd rather_," Mike's lips pressed into a hard line not impressed with Dan's insult.

Dan took a deep breath, "I'll just take that," he cleared his throat and his eyes shifted uncomfortably.

"Yeah. You _will_," Mike eyed him cautiously before handing him the small package. Dan's hand quivered as he put it in his pocket.

"How much?" Dan asked.

"For that?...you can pay me next time,"

"No, I don't think so," Dan shook his head. "There won't be a next time. How much?"

"Just take it. I'll see you again," he smiled.

"Mike, seriously how much?"

"On the house," he smirked.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

Blair considered their alone time, due to Nicky's month in Paris, a much needed second honey-moon. They loved their daughter to absolute bits but without her they had some lovely time to remember what their relationship was like before her, why they got together so long ago and what they loved about one another. They went on so many dates, they watched movies completely sans of clothing, they went to film forum and viewed R rated films that they could never bring Nicky to, they drank themselves silly on the weekend with Nate and Nina, they took bubble baths together and polished off expensive bottles of Dom. Any room in the apartment would work, any surface, uninhibited and always satisfying. They laid in bed all Sunday and enjoyed each-other, their company, their banter, their movies, they worshipped each-other's bodies until they were so tired they fell asleep long before the sun went down. At their usual time of the day they'd talk to Nicky on speaker-phone and see what she had been up to. Non-surprisingly she was having the time of her life. She spoke quickly and explained her days with so much detail she painted a vivid picture for her parents who held on to every word. Harold and Roman had really been showing her and teaching her everything about France and for that, Blair was ecstatic. She felt confident that sending Nicky on her dream vacation was a wonderful decision. Still every night at the designated time, they'd talk to Nicky on speakerphone leaving Blair depressed when they hung up, which devoted Dan to the task of occupying her mind with something else.

"Ahhh," Blair called out in pleasure as the phone began to ring.

"Get it," Dan ordered. Blair smiled down at him impishly then reached out and grabbed the phone.

"Hello," she laid her head gently against the pillow. She listened to Nate ask if they wanted to get a drink. Blair looked down at her parted legs, Dan on his knees snuggly against them. He stroked her with his thumb thoughtfully, his eyes fell to the bed sheets as he investigated how ready she was. Blair whimpered as he pressed himself against her. Since the phone was still against her ear, her jaw dropped and her eyes closed but she willed herself to not make a sound as he moved into her.

"_Fuck_..." Dan breathed causing Blair to bite her swollen lip. For all the years they had been married she found nothing sexier than Dan expressing his state of arousal with profanity. Just that she was causing this type of transcendence for him made her feel more than desirable.

"Blair, drinks? usual place in about an hour?" Nate asked again.

"No," she answered breathily, her head tipping back pressing into the pillow further. She dropped the phone, Dan grabbed her thighs and pulled her lower half down on to him harshly, loving the feeling of being enveloped by her heat. Blair let out a content scream then several small sighs of satisfaction as he pounded with determination. "_That feels so good_," she sat up a little and clawed her hands up his back egging him on. Dan continued to watch where they were connected and keep his rhythm. Blair lifted her head, her hands covered his ears, "Kiss me," Dan moved up and captured her lips with his own. It was a powerful kiss that made Blair feel so ravished and desirable, she began to feel the pleasure of each thrust intensify, Dan's tongue meeting with hers, sliding effortlessly along hers was the last ingredient to the shattering wave of gushing pleasure that pumped through her. "Ooooh Dan!," She bit his shoulder gently and shivered and held him as tightly as possible to her as she closed her eyes and experienced every last millisecond of the glorious explosion. When she opened her eyes she smiled at Dan who was watching her with a naughty smile.

"Mmm," she sighed in contentment still coming down from her high. "Thanks for your services, you can go now," she smirked as her head tilted back and she played with him. Dan glanced down at his chest curiously as Blair's fingers drew over him lazily.

"Well excuse me..." he scoffed with a laugh. "Common courtesy would be to return the favour." he moved into her gently and kissed her neck.

"And what makes you think i'm so inclined to follow good manners?" she continued running her finger tips along his damp skin, finding the slightly raised area of his tattoo and focusing there for a moment.

"You would never leave me hanging," he looked down at her with a mix of adoration and cunning.

"Never," she pushed on his shoulders so he would lay down. He starred up at her, his hands exploring her breasts and backside as she rocked on him with a steady pace. "_Jesus..._," his hands dug into her hips. Dan sat up so he could kiss her now. Their tongues joining again made Blair buzz with excitement, she wrapped her arms around his neck and thrusted her hips against him until Dan's breathing was shallow and erratic. "_C'mon._..," she whispered in his ear as she lifted up to grind down on to him. As always he grabbed her hips to keep himself as deeply buried in her as possible as he came. Both their eyes were closed now. Blair was stroking the back of his neck affectionately, her cheek pressed against his.

"Hmph!," she smiled at him happily then took his face in her hands and kissed him gently all over, starting on his nose then moving to his forehead and all the way down until she gave him a sweet eskimo kiss.

Sunday morning brought Blair to open her eyes and realize she and Dan were in a very suggestive position. If Nicky was home she would have gasped and pulled the blankets up, scolding him for ever letting them fall asleep without clothing. Her legs were tangled in a sheet and her face had been pressed against his pelvic bone, her eyes glanced up to see him sound asleep. Blair, always an opportunist, slowly used her fingers to try and lull him from slumber. She started slow and became a little more confident as squeezed a little a harder. He became stiff in her hand but still he slept, his breathing becoming a little shallow. Blair lifted her head gently and placed her hot mouth to his tip. That's when Dan's eyes flung open. Blair laughed at his reaction, her lips vibrating against him. "So this is how we're going to start the day..." he stated as he bit down on his lip and encouraged her to continue.

"Do you have any objections?" she licked up his length with a strong pressure that made him exhale audibly.

"Nnn-nope," his eyes glued to her kissing him with the intent to please. For the next while, Dan got to enjoy one of Blair's many talents before he even got out of bed that morning. "I know I just woke up but,..." his eyes fluttered dreamily. "I think i'm going to need a nap after that,"

"Can I join you?" she asked sweetly. Without another word, Dan tapped his chest, gesturing for her to snuggle up to him. Blair cuddled up close and rested her head on his chest. Dan closed his eyes for a moment and Blair smiled up at him. "You're going to have to do some laundry today because i'll burn these sheets before giving them to Dorota," Dan cringed lightly with a chuckle.

When Dan woke up for the second time, Blair was gone. He rubbed his eyes and walked out of their bedroom to hear pots and pans banging around.

"Morning Honey! i'm just fixing your breakfast," she said in a voice that Dan hardly recognized, she was putting on some type of accent.

"You never make me breakfast,..." he laughed seeing Blair in an apron and heels. She was wearing red lipstick and had her hair up in tight curls.

"If I burn it,... how are you going to punish me?" Dan's head slowly tilted to the side, his lips threatened to question her but soon turned into a smile when he noticed she was not wearing a shirt. A simple black a-line skirt and a thin apron was all that concealed her taut and creamy body.

"Umm," he rested a hand on the back of his neck wondering how she would want him to respond to this. "Maybe you'll need a spank?" Dan raised his eyebrows with a cheeky expression.

"I think i'll need several," she said seriously, her doe eyes widening with worry. Dan could have burst into laughter seeing her take role-playing so seriously. They had never done this before and he was a little uncomfortable to say the least. Dan would be lying if he said he wasn't amused, but he wasn't sure this type of game was really his idea of fun. Remembering what she had done for him earlier that morning, he decided it was his duty to try and please her.

"I'm such a bad housewife," she turned to the sink that was filled with dishes so Dan could see her bare back. "Are you mad?" she asked with a worried pout.

"Am I mad?" Instantly Dan knew what she wanted. He always attributed Blair's love of him growling with the fact he never raised his voice to her. He was like a different person she could create a fantasy with. "Sit down Honey," she scurried over and brought him to a chair. She then placed a cup of coffee in front of him. She pressed her hands together and waited for him to taste it. The coffee was fine and Dan would have smiled and thanked her but this wasn't the role-playing for that. He stood up and poured the coffee in the sink hoping that was good enough.

"Maybe you could make that again..." he shrugged a little feeling like he was doing a poor job at this. If real Dan poured his coffee down the sink and told her to make it again, Blair sure as hell would have smacked him in the face and he still felt bad for doing it.

"Teach me,...teach me how to make it the way you like honey,..." She leaned over the coffee maker and grabbed for the filter.

"don't touch. Don't." he grabbed a firm hold of her arm. Blair looked up at him, a twisty smile spread across her face, before it resolved and she went back to being a housewife.

"Okay, you make your own coffee, i'll make you pancakes,"

"No you'll just burn them," he tried to keep a straight face, he lifted his hands to stop himself from laughing.

"What would you like me to do honey?"

"Umm," Dan rubbed his bottom lip a little as Blair waited intently for instruction. "Bend over," Blair broke character for a moment as her eyes shone up at him with excitement. Her tongue darted out quickly to moisten her lips before her impish smile laden with sexual desire vanished.

"As you wish," she stood up.

Afterwards they laid spent on the kitchen floor.

"Will you make me breakfast now?" Blair asked with big eyes and lipstick smeared across her cheek.

"Absolutely," he chuckled as he smooched her on the forehead.

"Maybe we can play queen and faithful servant now?"

"Oh so today will be all about you and your fantasies,..I see how it is,"

"What are you talking about? queen and faithful servant IS for you,"

"And what does that mean?" his jaw dropped with a laugh as she hovered over his lips.

"Just that you love me," she pouted.

"Ah," he rolled his eyes.

That night they fell asleep by nine, Blair woke up as the phone rang. Blindly, she reached for the phone on the nightstand. Her heart broke when Harold explained that Nicky was homesick. "_Hi baby_," Blair spoke in a soothing voice hoping it would calm her so she could go back to bed. She grabbed for her nightie and slipped it on over her head. Dan rustled a little before yawning and sitting up, curious to who Blair was on the phone with. He squinted at her worried face and Blair covered the receiver.

"_Nicky_," she explained before removing her hand. Dan realized it was the middle of the night in Paris. "I know, I know," Dan watched as Blair's eyes filled up with tears. "Sshh, just calm down. I can't understand you sweetheart," she wiped her eyes and sniffed. Dan pressed a few soft kisses on her shoulder. "I miss you too but I thought you were having a lovely time," her voice trembled.

"She's just homesick. She's perfectly fine," Dan reminded Blair as she continued to talk.

"Here's Daddy," she handed it over and wiped her eyes again.

"What's wrong baby girl?" he asked. Blair pressed her ear close so she could try and hear what Nicky was saying. "You're not missing anything. I promise," he squeezed Blair's hand. "We're just working and doing boring adult stuff."

When they hung up Blair looked distraught. "_She's crying and I can't do anything_," her lip trembled. Dan kissed her temple and hugged her tightly.

"My dad can't leave to bring her home and I don't want to put her on a flight alone," Blair rested her hands on her cheeks trying to figure out what they should do.

"I'm going to get her," Dan said decisively. "Call your dad and tell him i'm going to catch a flight now," he got out of bed and went to his office. He changed his mind about the little baggie he got from Mike, if Nicky was coming home, he was definitely not going to try it.

"By the time you get there she could change her mind," Blair called out. "She might be okay now. She probably just woke up in the middle of the night without us and felt a little scared," Blair said as Dan climbed back on to their bed. "she's,...she's going to wake up in the morning and be perfectly fine and happy to be there,"

"You sound rational," Dan smiled.

"And for a moment you sounded worried and panicked," she smiled back and Dan shrugged feeling a small wave of embarrassment for letting himself get so worked up. But hearing Nicky's crying voice was alarming and all he wanted to do was calm her and bring her back where she belonged. Blair lifted her hand and rested it on Dan's face before leaning in and kissing him with adoration. "My father is completely capable of dealing with home-sickness, he was the best when I was sad and he'll be the best with her."

"I wish you felt that way about Sam,"

"Sam was stepping on my toes!,...as if she can deal with a fever better than a mother can!"

Dan groaned wishing he didn't bring it up. "How dare she tell me that everything is under control and refuse to let me hold my own child!"

"Blair, she was trying to help you. She knew you had work to do,"

"Do not defend that little..." she inhaled to calm herself. "The point is, she's fine. And in the morning we will see how she really feels. Is it bad that I feel one week is long enough?" she asked Dan.

"Depends, think she's seen enough of France?" he asked sweetly knowing what Blair's response would be.

"If I was to answer honestly i'd say a month is perfect,"

"Good because as much as I love her and want her with us. I want to spend some more time alone with you,"

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

"Blair are you there?" the voice on the phone called out. Blair watched as Dan clumsily removed his shirt and collapsed back on to the couch with a groan. "Yes, i'm still here," she spoke into the phone. "I understand that you are very busy but I have a bit of an emergency on my hands so...," she squeezed her eyes tightly as she heard the woman on the other end explain that she didn't have time to conduct another interview. "If you could just give me another shot,"

"Blair..." Dan called out in a painful grunt.

"There are several people that have showed up on the required day. You cannot blame us for putting them first,"

"I assure you that I am the best and it would be a grand mistake for you to overlook my dedication and cornucopias resume,"

"You have known about this interview for two weeks i'm very sorry but there is nothing I can do for you. Today is the only day we are conducting interviews," Blair closed her eyes when she heard Dan calling out for her again.

"...Okay," she nodded feeling defeated. "I'm very disappointed but I understand. Thank you for this opportunity but I will not be able to make it to my interview," she gulped. When she hung up the phone she took a satisfying breath and steadied her nerves while wiping away a tear. When she had pulled herself together she stood and quickly went over to Dan.

"Sit up," she seethed grabbing his shoulders.

"I can't," his eyes grew with the character of a cartoon character.

Part of Blair blamed herself for Dan's quick switch to alcohol tonight. At least the other substance would have kept him with her mentally and physically. Right now he acted like no one she knew, he had no attention span and she knew if she walked out of the room he would pass out on the couch. "Dan,...please," she pleaded. "Please," she starred into his eyes desperately trying to find him. "You have an interview in thirty minutes, please," she was frustrated to the point of tears.

"Don't cry Dais," Dan smiled goofily.

"_I don't know what else to do_," she squeaked, tears ran down her cheeks.

**XOXOX**

"How could you do this to him?," Blair starred helplessly at Mike who entered the apartment and went straight to Dan.

"How could I do what to him? you took away the good stuff and that's why he finished a bottle of scotch. You ween someone off, you don't just take it away. You're lucky he's a happy drunk," he commented as he watched Dan lean against the couch cushions with a dumb smile on his face.

"I'm not talking about today! I'm not talking about this instance. I'm talking about you selling it to him in the first place!" she yelled, needing someone else to blame. "He has a daughter! he has a career where if he slips up everyone will know about this!"

"Whoa, i'm nobody's babysitter. He came to me!" he yelled back at her. "This is the problem with people. They always blame the dealer. Well here's news for you, I didn't do anything but sell it to him when he wanted it. I didn't beg him to try it. I didn't hand him a sample hoping i'd lock him in as a customer. I barely knew this guy. He came to me and I gave him what he asked for. Do not blame me for this. Because tonight,...this is your fault,"

After the quick visit from Big Mike, Blair was watching Dan from behind a sound stage. He looked presentable. His hair was coiffed, his tie was straight. He sat respectfully and with dignity. Blair couldn't believe that just moments prior he was stumbling around their apartment and using the walls to keep himself upright.

_I couldn't help but see him in the worst of light now. I listened to his mindless drivel. Fake modesty plastered on his face, every word dripping from him like the cocky bastard he was becoming. I wanted so desperately to believe that his level of satisfaction with himself came from the substance but part of me wondered if this was the man he always wanted to be. A man who everyone looked at him as if he possessed some unattainable talent, a man who liked to present me as his prize and not his equal. I was determined to let him use me so he continue in his illusion for one more night._ -Blair

**Just Tonight I won't leave and I'll lie and you'll believe. **

"I first want to congratulate you on your success," the interviewer began sitting directly across from Dan. Blair watched Dan overact his appreciation. Too many times he said 'thank-you' too many times he said 'that means so much to me'

"Can you maybe just start out by explaining how you came up with the idea for 'Gone'?,"

"It was originally a commissioned piece actually," he thought for a moment trying to be as concise as possible. "I came across the idea, I storyboarded with some ideas I had already had with other projects I planned on working on, eventually things just started to shift and this kind of took on a life of it's own,"

"How close is this to the commissioned piece?"

"Uh,.." Dan chuckled lightly. "It's pretty much beyond recognition," he blinked and settled more comfortably in his chair. "That's not completely true. It was supposed to be a novel that followed the point of view of a very disturbed person moving forward and getting help," his hand started to tug at his ear and Blair watched him stoically hoping that was the extent of his tweaking.

"Though this character does not move forward," the interviewer inhaled with a soft laugh.

"No, no," Dan shook his head. "I found that it was important to show his flaws and keep them intact. There's truth in that. He is who he is. Cameron Kyle is a metaphor for impulse. Fantasy, abandoned by reason produces impossible monsters," he spoke much too quickly then smirked. "My wife is a Francisco Goya enthusiast," he disclosed proudly. Blair felt her heart drop into her stomach a the mention.

"I don't think anyone is like Cameron. I don't wish for anyone to be like him. I think he has a cautionary tale,"

"He's someone that people feel sympathy for,"

"We're all human,"

"I have to just say, there are so many parts to this story that are agonizingly painful to read. Sometimes hard to believe someone could even feel comfortable with writing something like this or know they were thinking about something like this,"

"Look," Dan pressed his lips together. "I'm writing what he would think, I'm not him. I'm writing for a person as if he was real. As if I had to fabricate his memoirs. I think of myself as his messenger. Because I wrote about a criminals desires, does that make me a criminal?"

**XOXOXOX**

"You ready?" Dan placed his hand on the small of Blair's back.

"Yeah..."

"Great stuff Dan, really," someone smiled walking by. Blair starred blankly at the person before continuing.

"Dan, nice to meet you. I loved the book," another man from the crew held his hand out and Dan thanked him. "It blew my mind, honest,"

"Thanks man," Dan nodded. "Do you want me to sign your copy?" he asked coolly.

"That would be,..._amazing_," he handed it over.

"What's your name?" Dan asked.

"Dave,"

Dan removed his hand from Blair's back in order to sign his name inside the hardcover. As Dan leaned over the table, writing something personally dedicated to Dave, he introduced Blair to him.

"Did you meet my beautiful wife," Dan continued writing. Blair rolled her eyes dramatically but smiled when Dave looked up and extended his hand to her.

"Blair," she said her name and shook his hand politely. She was disturbed that Dan had just introduced her as 'wife' completely forgetting she had a name. She couldn't recall a time when he didn't use her name when introducing her to anyone.

**XOXOXOXOX**

Blair threw the book on his desk, her eyes met his. "It's well written. I just,..." she shrugged. "What compelled that?" she asked coldly.

"What do you mean?"

"What compelled page seventy two?"

"It's not me Blair,"

"Dan he wants to kill his wife..." her eyes filled as she heard the words, a tear rolled down her nose. "he wants to kill his wife and take his daughter,"

"Yeah, HE does. _I_ don't!" he looked at her completely confused at how she was using a work of fiction to be mad at him. "I wanted to create a character that was richly developed it has nothing to do with any kind of wish fulfillment. He's just a guy I made up Blair,"

"I just don't understand how the man that writes love stories and compelling court room drama writes this. What is going on inside your head?

"What is going on inside my head?," he could have laughed. "Are you accusing me of being mentally unstable right now?" he blinked. "Blair we've been together years,..." he said calmly. "You know who I am. You know what I believe,...If you think i'm a different person now just because I wrote a book,..." he sighed. "I'm just tapping into creative processes that..."

"You get high as a kite! and then you write disgusting situation after situation and you call that 'tapping into creative processes'!"

"This about Vanity Fair. You're pissed because I'm successful right now and you aren't!" Blair smacked him in the face.

"Go ahead, hit me back. I know you want to. _I won't tell anyone_," a twisted grin showed up on her face.

"I don't want to hit you. I've never wanted to hit you," Dan said in exasperation.

"Read your book again and tell me that with a straight face,"

"I don't know..." he gulped. "Why you would ever say that to me..." he felt sick. "Are mad at me for writing something unlike me?,"

"I'm mad at you for becoming someone I don't even know!"

"It's a book! a book about fictional situations and fictional characters it does not reflect how I feel about women, it does not reflect how I feel about _you_ or politics or the prison system! it's a book! it's for entertainment! it's paper and words!" he ripped some pages out and threw them in the air. "Paper and words!" he threw a few more.

"Get out and take that piece of trash with you,"

"Maybe I should use the pages to make snowflakes!" he said quickly.

"Fuck you,"

"No, fuck you," he fired back.

"I have nothing left for you," Blair shook her head. "I feel nothing when I hear your name or see your face. You used to give me butterflies. I used to get excited. I used to care about your success and I only wanted what was best for you and right now I have nothing. I don't care what you do. I don't care where you go. I'm done," she swallowed hard when she saw how lost Dan looked.

"The only thing I want...is for you to get help because I would hate you _FOREVER_..." she inhaled. "If something happened to you and our daughter had to go through life knowing her dad died of an overdose because he was a filthy drug addict,"

Dan didn't say anything. He thought this was just another fight that would blow over but it wasn't, he could feel his heartbeat. "Get yourself cleaned up or i'm taking her,"

The huge blow up is what they needed to realize things needed to be fixed. Dan went to a detox facility to Blair's surprise and pride. It wasn't hard to keep Nicky and the rest of the family in the dark. Dan's novel had been successful and everyone expected he would be busy. No one knew his press junkets, interviews and signings had all ended two weeks ago.

"How are you?" Patrick sat down in front of his object of affection.

"Fine," she didn't look up from her novel.

"We should go somewhere other than this old bakery. We should go to a nice dinner,"

"No,"

"I think you should,...unless you want my perception of you to be that you never have any fun..."

"I don't really care how you perceive me to be honest..."

"I think you're one of those women that stresses out so much she misses out on having a good time. I think you should come have dinner with me"

"I'd say you must have a very great perception of yourself if you think i'm going to have good time going to dinner with you, but i'd hate for you perceive me as a bitch" she rolled her eyes and extended her neck trying to see if the person at the counter was done.

"Come to dinner with me," he chuckled.

"Patrick i'm a married woman,"

"Then why do you let me hold your hand?" Blair pulled away quickly and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Dan will be home in a few days,"

"So that means he'll be back for another rehab stint in about a month right?" Blair gave him a stern look. "I'm sorry sweetie. I didn't mean that. He just does have a bit of a track record,"

"He's doing so well right now. I really think he's okay,"

"Oh sweetie," Patrick looked at her with sympathy. "You said that the last time," for a moment Blair starred off into space, her exterior began to crack slowly starting with her head hanging down in shame. "Oh Blair,...Blair," Patrick rested his hand on her shoulder. "I don't mean that. He's going to do okay,"

"He hasn't asked about Nicky all week," her lip twitched. "Not once," she wiped her eyes on a tissue that he handed her. "She asks about him every five minutes,"

**XOXOXOX**

When he walked out of the building Blair couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. That was him standing in front of her trying to act serious but cracking a smile at the sight of her. "Hi," she carefully walked up and brought him into a hug as she pulled away her hands rested on his elbows.

"How are you feeling? you look good," she complimented him.

"Good, I am good," he inhaled. " I just want to see her," upon hearing these words, Blair smiled with relief.

To Dan's absolute relief, Nicky was thrilled to see him home. She showed him all her school assignments that she got great marks on. She thrust a plate of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies in his face, explained how she scored the winning goal of her soccer game. She wanted to sit on his lap but there was no sign she knew of any sadness he and her mom had been dealing with. As she sat with him, he pressed his cheek against hers and kissed her repeatedly throughout the night. There came a point where he decided he should ease up or she might sense something was wrong. They played Scrabble before bed as a family and then Dan read to Nicky. Blair watched with a soft smile. "Daddy, your voices aren't very good tonight," Nicky pointed out.

"I'm sorry. I'm just tired," he ran a hand over her hair affectionately and she let him continue. Blair paced up and down the hall knowing that as soon as Dan came out of Nicky's room she was going to have to make up her mind to a seemingly simple arrangement. Where would he sleep?

"Hey umm," she crossed her arms over herself. "Can you please sleep on the couch," she asked as he pulled Nicky's door behind him so it was only open a crack.

"...hmft," Dan scrubbed a hand over his tired face, a sarcastic smile reaching his lips. "Yeah," he answered barely audible.

"I'm just not ready yet. I need some time,"

"of course you do," he trudged through to the living-room. "I don't know why i'm surprised at all, it's not like you're ever going to let this go,"

"Why do you keep acting like it's not a big deal?" she followed after him.

"I'm trying to move on and you won't let me," he threw pillows and blankets from the hutch at the sofa.

"I just need some time,"

"And I need to feel normal!," he pressed a hand to his chest. "...I'm treated like a fucking crazy person! I'm not allowed around sharp objects, or hard liquor because I might go nuts and kill myself! I come home after a complete detox to the point a doctor has granted me permission to leave and my wife treats me like a criminal..."

"You were suicidal Dan and you..."

"Blair you know me. I'm dramatic, I love to wallow in the darkness and i'm nothing if not creative,"

"Why do you make that sound positive?"

"I guess,...," he took a deep breath. "I feel like no matter what I try to do, you're never going to get over it,"

"I just need time,"

"No. You say that, but what you really mean is that you need time to prove to yourself that I _belong_ out here," he gestured to the couch. "I've been gone for weeks Dais. I understand every single time you chewed me out or kicked me out. I get it. Truly, I understand what i've done. I get it. What I don't understand is that i'm here after all of this, after i've been given permission to leave a detox facility because i'm ready to do so, and you are still pushing me away. What is the problem this time Blair?" his eyes pleaded with her. "I have a doctor's note that says i'm fine so what is the problem?" Blair said nothing she just starred at him.

"The way I see it right now,...I'll stay out here for about three days, You'll tell yourself that everything is okay and on the fifth day, we'll fight. Because we _always_ fight, and that would be perfectly okay before, but now,...now, I'm just a different person and that will be your excuse to keep me away from you. Because you don't want to be with me anymore," he said sadly."... no matter how hard you try,"

Blair shook her head, her eyes so full of tears she could barely see. "That is absolutely not true," her voice shook.

"Yes it is," he pressed his lips together. "and you know how I can tell?..it wasn't you standing in the doorway when I read to Nicky, as if you were waiting for something to go wrong. It wasn't the way you treated me like a stranger when I got home and spoke to me with pristine table manners like I was someone you were trying to impress. It wasn't when I noticed you put locks on the liquor cabinet and the medicine cabinet, or how you cleaned out my entire desk just to make sure I wasn't hiding anything, I understand all of that." he paused for a minute and frowned.

"I want you to feel safe and secure. If I can't be that person you trust just yet, then be that person for yourself. What I can't get out of my head was that hug you gave me,"

"Hug?" Blair swallowed.

"When I walked out of the building for the first time i've seen you in two weeks,..." Dan gulped. "That was the exact hug you gave Chuck before you broke things off for good," Dan kept eye contact but Blair pulled her gaze away not believing what he was saying. Dan described the hug but Blair wasn't listening she was shaking her head. "Lifeless, limp,...you've never touched me like that before," he thought for a moment and let out a soft laugh, "Even back when you hated me, before we were friends, you never laid a hand on me with such..."

"Dan,..." Blair rolled her eyes.

"Indifference. At least hate me..."

"Come to bed," she said simply. "Just shut up and come to bed," her eyes fluttered.

"Why should I?"

Blair took a step towards him and starred at his lips before parting her own and capturing his bottom lip. She lifted her arms and rested her hands on the nape of his neck as she kissed him more deeply. "Come to bed," she starred up at him. Blair then turned on her heels and headed to their bedroom. She began undressing and putting on her pajamas.

"Nice choice of pjs," he scoffed with a slight laugh, seeing she was wearing a set that completely covered her up.

"I'm cold," she gave him a soft smile and got under the covers. Blair watched Dan whip his clothes off, she pulled the chain on the lamp as he slipped into bed beside her. Blair pressed her forehead against Dan's and smiled contently that he was finally back.

"Ugh I missed you," his hand lifted to gently touch her cheek.

"I still miss you," she rested a hand on his face. "Did you read any good books while you were gone?" a smile spread across her face.

"Nothing you'd care to read," he smiled back. Blair yawned and turned away from him, her hand held his and brought it across her, so Dan knew she wanted to spoon. Dan kissed the back of her ear gently, "Hey," he whispered running his hand along her arm. "You wanna..." he pressed a gentle lingering kiss to the pulse point on her neck.

"I'm just kind of tired," she mumbled.

"Yeah me too," he agreed quickly feeling almost embarrassed for suggesting. "Goodnight," he said softly. "I love you," he pulled away.

"You too," she said weakly before she cried herself to sleep unable to stop thinking about how she kissed Patrick less than an hour before Dan was released. She cried harder, consumed with guilt when she thought about how she'd rather be with Patrick right now.

The next morning Blair smiled from the kitchen table as Nicky made apple pies with Dan. She laughed at how bossy she could be in the kitchen. "Daddy is it one?," she asked starring down at the bowl. "...Daddy do we put in one or two?" she looked down at the bowl unable to stir until he answered her.

"Two," he answered, so she could happily crack another and stir the contents.

"This doesn't look right!" she shook her head. "it's too,...ugh!" she had a hard time mixing. "I think it needs more water,...you didn't put in enough water,"

"Of course I did. This isn't my first rodeo little lady," he floured the granite counter and laughed at Nicky making things look harder that they were. "Use your muscles!"

After another moment of watching her struggle Dan pulled the bowl towards him and began to fold with his hands. "Why don't you just use the stand mixer?" Blair asked since watching them make dough was exhausting.

"That's cheating!" Nicky yelled. "You can't cheat with homemade pies mum!" she said in a sassy voice.

"She's right. If you're making everything from scratch you gotta go all the way. You put the work in and you get the best outcome,..._without cheating_," Dan smiled. Blair felt her throat become sore.

"Daddy we should make pizza dough without cheating too,"

"Nah, pizzas don't need to be made with love,"

"Yes they do!," she nodded. "All food should be made with Humphrey love!"

"Okay well next time we have pizza I hope you don't mind eating in your bed during story time because that's how long it'll take before you can eat it,"

"I know you wanted that to sound bad but,... it didn't," she laughed pushing the dough down on the counter. Dan laughed with her.

"Okay that's good, you can roll it out now,"

Blair starred at her daughter so head over heels in love with Dan, she was completely envious that she didn't feel the same way right now. It'll pass, she thought. Blair forced herself to smile when he looked at her. When the pies were ready to be put in the oven, Dan gave Nicky a high-five, and she kissed him on the cheek before hopping off the step stool to wash her doughy hands.

"Will you guys be okay if I head out for a little while?" Blair asked.

"Where you going?" Dan wiped his hands on a dish towel.

"I just wanted to go and see if I could pick up a dress for my work gala,"

"Okay," he nodded gently. "You want me to pick out a tie so you can match it?"

"...Oh, not necessary. You don't have to come to that," she jumped in quickly. "It's not really that kind of event,"

When Blair exited the bedroom she was wearing bright red lipstick. "Mommy pick a red dress!" Nicky gave her advice. Dan looked up with a smile of agreement.

"Have fun," he tried to lean in for a kiss.

"Sorry,...I don't wanna..." she pointed at her lips. "smudge my lipstick,.."

"yeah sure," Dan smiled sheepishly and managed to kiss her on the cheek as she passed by quickly to say bye to Nicky.

"Bye mommy!"

"Bye sweets," she got into the elevator. As soon as she made it down a few floors she pulled out her compact mirror and makeup remover and removed the red stain from her lips. When she reached the sidewalk outside she slipped into a limo and headed to the bakery.

"I think you're bias...," Blair said from across the small table.

"Well you would be right," Patrick smirked before looking down at Blair's hand.

"This is so complicated,"

"I'm not trying to pressure you," he touched her hand.

"Patrick, I'm committed to my husband. As long as i'm married to him I can't..." she pulled her hand away.

"Sounds to me like you don't want to be married anymore,"

"I don't know what I want right now,"

"Blair, this is the third time. It is the third time he's sought out help. Do you think he's going to get through this?"

"Yes," she nodded. "I realize it's going to take time. But it wouldn't help if I turned my back on him,"

**XOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

Dan was actually surprised that Blair was calling him. He looked over to see it was three am and feared maybe the flowers he sent were a bad idea. He couldn't do nothing. Not when everything about that day consumed his mind. The flowers were supposed to be a nice gesture and he picked up the phone fearing a crying Blair would be on the other end.

"Hello?" he answered quickly.

"I change my mind," she whispered into the receiver.

"How so?" he asked tiredly with his eyes still closed.

"I'll deal," she said. "I will make do because I can't live without you in my life and I don't want to. So i'm going to be a big girl and i'm going to just be pleasant to Gillian and before we know it, everything will feel normal again. We could be like my mom and dad,...minus the you being gay part,"

Dan chuckled a little, "I'm really glad you called and it's sweet of you to make the effort when it comes to Gillian but you won't have to worry about her because we're not seeing each-other anymore," for a brief moment Blair considered telling Dan about her and Patrick breaking up but she decided it was not the time. Her heart raced and she desperately wanted to tell him that she just wanted to try again but she decided she should give him some time.

"What happened?" she asked uncharacteristically concerned.

"Uh," he let out a soft pathetic chuckle. "I don't think she's a big fan of the meetings I go to on Wednesday nights..." he said subtly.

"Dan, i'm so sorry,"

"No you're not," he chuckled a little. "I know you better than that,"

"No, I am," she said quietly. "I'm sorry you don't have a companion. I want you to. I want you to know that I do want you to have someone. I didn't like Gillian but that stems from old issues. I want you to have someone who understands you and can accept what you've overcome. Someone who likes kids and loves to read. I love you..." she hoped this wasn't too transparent.

"Same," he breathed.

"The flowers were beautiful," she smiled. "Thank-you,"

"I'm glad you liked them. The second I ordered them, I had second thoughts,"

"...I forgot," she admitted.

"That's okay," he said sweetly.

"No it's not," she inhaled. "I wouldn't change anything. I know that sounds grim but I wouldn't,"

"You know how I feel," Dan said softly in agreement. "The road to her was paved with some,..." he took a breath. "...obstacles to say the least _but_ we're meant to have_ her_,"

"Absolutely,"

**XOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

"I ate so much fish when I was pregnant with Dan..." Alison let out a soft giggle. Blair immediately straightened up in her lounge chair about to tell her mother-in-law the dangerous effects mercury can have on an unborn child. "Low mercury fish..." she could see where Blair's train of thought was going. "That kid was like a sponge, he remembered everything he ever heard, regurgitated it too..., he was exhausting," Blair laughed thinking about little, brainy Dan. "His big eyes would stare up at me, always full of wonder, full of questions, always ready with a new fact. He never shut up. I don't know where he got it from. I'm convinced it had something to do with my diet,"

"Well, I just eat cake and macrons so my child is going to be a dope," Blair resigned to a sigh as she rubbed her stomach tenderly.

"He's going to be fine," Allison gave Blair a reassuring smile. "I was sick to my stomach with Jenny. I only ate saltines and cantaloupe. She was still born a healthy eight pounds,"

The elevator dinged and the women looked over to see Dan walk in. "Hey," he glanced up quickly while shuffling through their mail.

"I'm going to head out honey. Call me if you need anything,"

"Ok," Blair nodded as Allison walked over and gave her a side kiss.

"You don't have to leave," Dan told his mom.

"Blair said you were going out, and I actually have to get back to Hudson,"

"Okay," he received a kiss on his cheek. "You're still going to come to the shower right?" Dan said in a whisper. He knew his mom made impromptu visits when she felt guilty.

"Umm," she tucked hair behind her ears. "I'll try,..."

"You've been given more notice than anyone else you should be able to," his eyebrows lifted.

"Dan,..."

"Just show up,"

"I don't feel comfortable in Eleanor's home. You know that," she said under her breath.

"Get comfortable with it. Please,"

"Okay, Okay," she nodded. "I'll talk you you later," she hugged him and got into the elevator. When she was gone Dan sat himself down beside Blair who was attempting to stuff her feet into some ridiculous heels.

"Ugh!" she gave up and kicked them off before standing up and going straight to her closet.

"How was your day?" Dan asked foolishly knowing what the answer might be.

"Well, what should have been perfection was ruined when I tried on the Chanel maternity dress I bought last week to find that it no longer fits!,...how rapidly am I growing that I can't buy something a week in advance! I'm going to have to shop on the actual days of events! and who knows if that will even suffice! I might have to buy clothes hours before!" she looked down at her feet. "And my feet don't like these anymore," she threw one of her heels

"Just wear flats," Dan shrugged. Blair starred at him like he was insane.

"With dress pants? AH!...please don't tell me how to dress," she held her hand up to him. "I appreciate your concern but please. If your 'Victoria Beckham doesn't always wear heels' powerpoint presentation taught me anything, it was that flats ruin _everything_,"

About an hour later Blair was sitting happily in the pub with her closed menu. She already knew she wanted her weekly Croque-Monsieur. She started to give herself rewards for eating well all week and so far she was doing quite well. "And what would you like to drink?" the server asked Blair who just listened to Dan and Nate order a beer after Nina asked for delicious glass of white wine.

"...a glass of Rosé," she made a twisty smile.

"Perrier?" the server asked Blair if she was having water with a knowing smile.

"Yes please," she nodded, then looked over at Dan who regretted his decision to order alcohol.

"Not too much longer," he said.

"Not too much longer?...i'm only about half way through..." she groaned.

"I say you should be allowed to have a small glass of wine. If they do it in France..." Nina started.

"It's not acceptable here. The server probably wouldn't even let me have it," Blair sighed.

"I still can't get over Mister I wear a suit all the time," Nate changed the subject resting his hand on Dan's shoulder and giving him a look.

"He has an assistant and everything," Blair smiled at him.

"oooo," Nate's interested was peeked.

"Her name is Ellie and she's thoroughly incompetent," Blair smiled smugly.

"I had to teach her how to collate this morning," Dan deadpanned. Blair laughed at the girl's expense. "She also answered my phone, Daniel HUFFreys office...Huff-rey..." he blinked. "I explained it was actually _Humphrey._ I wrote it down for her and everything_. _When I looked at my sent messages I noticed that she signed, _Sincerely, Dan Humphries_ to all my contacts,"

"People are going to think you're having an identity crisis," Nina chuckled. "She sounds like the new intern we have. At least send us girls who know how to use a stapler! and it wouldn't hurt if she cared about aesthetics..."

"You got your interns already? oh tell me more," Blair propped her head up with her hand showing that she missed work desperately. "I can't wait to be back. I'm counting down the days. Ask Dan, I have a calendar,"

"You are not going to want to go back once you have that baby,"

"I already told you. One week and i'm back,"

"Yeah right," Nate scoffed. "You're going to trust this guy with your child?"

"We're getting a nanny,"

"and you're going to trust a nanny?"

"I'm going to take a little trip outside," Nina threw her bag over her shoulder.

"I'll join you,..." Dan lifted out of his seat.

"Dan!" Blair scowled.

"Just this once," his eyes widened.

"No!" she put her foot down.

"just one," he smirked holding on to the back of his chair.

"No, I forbid it," she spoke through tight lips.

"I need it," his head tilted toward the ceiling.

"This isn't cute. We're not having a child while you continue to slowly kill yourself,"

"I'm telling you, this baby is ruining all our fun," Nina laughed. "Remember the days when you and I could finish off a pack," she squeezed Dan's shoulder, "...and the four of us would get fucked up on Jack Daniels? those were the days,"

"Hookah!" Nate excitedly brought up the one and only time Blair smoked pot. They pulled out her mother's old hookah used only for decoration and used it like a bong. Eleanor still has no idea they did it.

"Stop talking like that," Blair said sadly. "It was okay when you made the comments before there was a baby but now there is one," she pouted. "Please stop," she said sadly.

"She's just kidding around," Dan walked over and leaned in for a kiss. "I won't smoke," he sat back down in his chair.

"_Pussy_..." Nina mumbled stuffing a cigarette between her lips.

"Look what I have," Blair enticed Nina to stay by pulling out the latest sonogram photo.

"Ooo pictures," the blonde sat back down.

"Happy as a clam," Blair starred at the photo before handing it to Nina.

"Sucking his thumb?" Nina asked with an adoring smile.

"Mhmm, that's about all he does. Just lazy as anything. The doctor said he's sleeping during every ultrasound." Dan added.

"Smart kid," Nate chuckled.

"What are you saying Nathaniel?" Blair looked up.

"I'm saying, maybe he knows the kind of people his parents are. He's relaxing for as long as possible."

"What are you talking about?"

"C'mon!,...He knows as soon as he's out in the real world it's going to be all private school and college applications. Always on his case about why he didn't get into an Ivy league like they did,..why he still doesn't know what he wants to do with his life at twenty three..."

"Nate, I don't like horror stories," Blair smirked then clapped her hands together when her food was placed in front of her.

"Maybe we'll get lucky and Connor will like fashion..." Nina smirked.

"Oh!" Blair looked up with wonderment.

When Blair was home and laying in bed, she made a strange discovery. She didn't want to alarm Dan so she called his name casually knowing he was brushing his teeth in the ensuite. "Yeah?" he asked, poking his head out with a toothbrush still in his mouth.

"Nothing," she answered.

"O,...K..," he went back to his task.

"DAN!" she called out again.

"What?" he finished rinsing out his mouth and went over to her. Blair was laying on her side with both hands on her stomach.

"Is he kicking!..?" Dan got on the bed quickly with thrill in his voice.

"No," she shook her head with a giggle. "I think,..." she stopped talking in order to feel it better. "I think he's hiccuping," she looked so gleeful and excited. Dan pressed his lips together and fished for one of the baby books stacked under his nightstand.

"What are you doing?" she smiled reaching for his hand.

"I don't know if that's normal," he flipped through the pages. "I don't think you would feel that at this point. I wonder if it's something else,"

"Humphrey,...I know it," she grabbed his hand. "Maybe, I ate too quickly," she giggled pressing his hand against her.

"Oh my god, he's hiccuping," Dan stated once he felt it. "This is amazing,"

"Does this mean you're going to be okay if he never kicks?" Dan asked.

"No! i'm determined. He will kick!"

"You know if he doesn't,...that doesn't indicate he's going to end up like Nate,"

"I know that," she laughed. "A child of ours would never end up like Nate. I like to think of it like this, Connor is saving up his energy because he plans to make every second count once he's born,"

"Oh so he's going to be just like you,"

"But he's going to look like you," she said.

"You think?"

"I don't know. The sonogram pictures aren't clear enough for me to place my bet,"

"We could get one of those 3D ultrasounds?" Dan wiggled his eyebrows.

"Where's the fun in that?" Blair asked. "I want to hear a doctor announce he's a boy and place him on my chest where I will see his face for the very first time," she smiled blissfully thinking about how she couldn't wait for that moment.

"he's going to be cute," Dan said definitively.

"That's a given. And if he's anything like you, he's never going to shut up,"

"Whoa! is that your way of telling me to stop talking?"

"Shhh," she brought her finger to her lip. "He's hiccuping,"

**XOXOXOX**

**A/N: **Thanks for reading. Please review :)


	21. I Wanna Hold Your Hand

**A/N:** I keep getting messages about my DS fics. I'm sorry but i'm not continuing them. I have no inspiration. Try and put yourself in my shoes, if there's a ship you really don't care for, imagine being forced to write for them. It's not going to happen. This is for my DB peeps. If you don't like it, please don't read it, it's not really intended for people who only ship Dan and Serena together. We're coming down to some of the hardest things to write. Enjoy and please review :)

**I WANNA HOLD YOUR HAND**

BY: THE BEATLES

FROM: ACROSS THE UNIVERSE

**XOXOXOXO**

It felt like a lifetime since she had to take these kind of matters into her own hands. It started with a dream, a dream of familiar hands that roamed every inch of her body, known lips that felt and tasted just like her man. Somehow she was completely aware that it was all a dream. It was too good to be true, and so she reveled in the moment, completely aware that she would eventually wake, and he wouldn't be there beside her. Through her hazy dream state she found her need to be close to him insatiable. Nothing would be close enough, her lips devoured his but it wasn't enough. He kissed her palm then looped his fingers with hers, in an instant she found some satisfaction.

She woke up breathless but tried to push the sinful ideas out of her head. It's one thing to have such a dirty dream, but it's another when it's with your ex. She quickly got in the shower thinking the heavy desire for release would float away so she could think straight and not waste any time. Today she would be seeing Dan for the first time since he and Gillian broke up. Naturally, she had planned on making herself appear as a vision of perfection. She set her alarm to give her ample time for her morning routine and then some extra time to ensure she looked every bit the girl he fell in love with. As she turned off the water and stepped out of the shower she sighed, the desire had not diminished in the least. She blow-dried her hair and tried to occupy her mind with something else. When her hair was dry she looked in the mirror with frustration, checked the clock on her vanity and dropped her silk robe, before getting back into her bed, giving in to herself. Just when she felt herself on the cusp of climax her elevator bell dinged and heeled shoes clipped on to the marble floor.

"BLAIR?" Nina's voice rang through the apartment.

Blair, obviously flustered, sat up against her headboard, quickly pulled on the bra and panties she had laid out for herself, then combed through her smooth hair with her fingertips. "Blair!" Nina called out again.

"Yes..." Blair sighed as Nina knocked gently on her bedroom door.

"You're still in bed? it's,..." Nina lifted her cellphone to her face. "It's almost eleven," she leaned against the door frame.

"I,...was already up I just...," she pressed her lips together gently trying to be aloof. Swinging her legs off the bed she listened to Nina carry on about the newest man she had added to her long list of conquests.

"I don't want to hear about your amazing sex life when mine is non-existent," Blair walked to her closet.

"You broke up with Patrick like six days ago, that hardly gives you the right to be jealous. Anyway,...I don't usually condone long hair on men..."

"Unless its Brad Pitt,..." Blair nodded knowing exactly what her friend was about to say next.

"Exactly. Which brings me to my next point,..._kind of_ reminds me of Brad Pitt," she starred into the distance thinking about his long, wavy locks.

Blair scoffed and Nina continued. "I'm telling you. There is something about him. Not Brad Pitt now,...Brad Pitt circa early 90s,"

"Oh my god, how old is Garrett?" she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

Nina's mouth opened then she smiled, clearly aware of how Blair would react. "He's...young,"

"Young as in,...freshly, legal drinking age or recently old enough to drive a car?" Blair grabbed a hanger from her closet.

"he's..._twenty two_,"

"NINA!" Blair scolded as she tossed the hanger on to her bed and stepped into a pink sundress.

"Shut up," she said casually while placing a hand on her hip.

"Where the hell do you meet these guys? Can you zip me up?"

Nina walked over and zipped Blair's dress up effortlessly. "Bag yourself one and we can enjoy our boy-toys together," she smiled smugly. "Full of stamina,...always aiming to please. Can go all night if you provide some sort of sport drink to replenish necessary electrolytes,..." She pursed her lips together then smiled.

"Has anyone ever told you that 'cougar' is tacky? What's with the boy phase? You sound like you're used to old men," Blair pushed her breasts together repeatedly while standing in front of a mirror.

"Well Vince was pretty old,..."

"Why can't you date men your own age?... or within,..." she held her hand out. "...five years of your age?"

"I tried that. The outcome was a runaway bride..."

"Oh so this is much better? I bet his mother loves this..."

"It's fun!," she excused her actions. "He's,...energetic. He has a friend who's really cute..." she smirked.

"Sorry. I like a man who knows what he's doing," Blair turned away and looked through her heels.

"That's the exciting part. You can mould him,"

"I'm not interested in being a teacher," Blair said definitively as she snatched a pair of wedges off the shelf.

"I'll be back, i'm going to have a smoke," Nina turned on her heels, her long, blonde hair swinging.

"I'm leaving in a bit," Blair said.

"Where are you going?" Nina stopped rummaging through her purse looking for her pack.

"Nicky has a soccer game," Blair flipped her voluminous hair to the side and sat at the edge of the bed in order to slide on her shoes.

"Has anyone ever told you that 'soccer mom' is tacky," Nina said blankly.

Blair rolled her eyes. "I'm attending a game. That hardly makes me a minivan-driving, windbreaker-wearing mess." she defended herself with an eye-roll.

"Wait, you're going to a soccer game in Cavalli?" she starred at her friend quizzically.

"I carried my baby on my hip for two years in Cavalli," she said smugly. "Beckham, McCartney, Armani, Versace, Dior, Posen, Cassini, Chanel and Eleanor Waldorf too!" she put a hand on her hip with sass.

"I do appreciate how well dressed you were while caring for a baby, my point is...why are you dressing up?"

"I'm not," Blair glanced in the mirror.

"You are. You're wearing a flirty sundress to a soccer game. A sundress you bought while out shopping with me two days ago. And If I remember correctly you're wearing a new lingerie set under that dress..." her eyes narrowed wondering if the set she just saw Blair in, was the same one she recently purchased.

"I..."

"One of two things is happening. You want all the single daddies to look your way or you want a specific, single daddy to look your way,"

"Nina, stop," she sighed. "I'm just going to her soccer game. No motives ok?"

"Okay then you won't mind if I tag along?"

"That's very extrinsic of you considering you hate soccer, children and _wind_..." she cocked an eyebrow with severe doubt.

"I love my goddaughter," she pulled a pack of cigarettes out of her purse with her long, french-manicured talons.

"Well, then Nina, you're welcome to come. You can stand with Nate..."

"Oh Nate's going? Good, then I don't have to go. I can call him after to see how much you two flirted during the game," she stuffed a smoke in the corner of her lips.

"There is not going to be any flirting!" Blair stressed.

"I'm just looking out for you. I want you to remember why you broke up in the first place,"

"I'm aware ok?" she shot her friend a glare then turned away from the mirror.

"You just broke up with Patrick. You're in a vulnerable place and you think he's exactly what you need," she pulled the cigarette from her lips. "You didn't want to break up with Patrick for this very reason. You know Dan is single you're starting to...,"

"It's not like that at all!" she snapped. "I've come to terms with our relationship being _over._.."

"Wow, can you make that sound any less convincing?...I don't want you to start anything without remembering why you ended it in the first place. You're feeling attached to him and that's only natural. But you can't do anything if you're just going to regret it later. Blair, you signed those papers and then you smiled at him..."

"He wasn't the guy I fell in love with then,"

"But he's that guy now?" Nina asked seriously.

"...Yes," Blair's eyes glanced around her room then met Nina's with regret.

Nina starred at her friend solemnly. "You're divorced Blair,"

"I know," she said softly then pressed her lips together. "And it's good because the honeymoon period never lasts with us. Time will only show me that I don't need him, nor do I want him,"

"I didn't say that..."

"You basically did," she shrugged.

"I don't want you making a mess for him," she said honestly.

"I know. Don't worry. I won't play with his heart...that is if he even feels the same way I do which i'm really not sure. It's not really my place to tell him that he should come back to me now. Who knows if he even..." she trailed off.

"Regardless,..." Nina began. "If you're both feeling something,...It doesn't mean you belong together anymore," she almost immediately regretted the words and tilted her head to the side. "I'm sorry..."

Blair shrugged a little, obviously upset, before going to her vanity and fixing her hair. "Honey," Nina stood in the mirror so she could see her long, lean frame. "Please don't think i'm saying this because I don't want you together. I'm saying this because I love you and I don't want you to regret anything. I've said it before and i'll say it again,...you ended your marriage for a reason. If there was a shred of doubt in your mind, you would have never agreed to the divorce,"

"We both believe in happiness. We promised each-other we would never settle. We wouldn't just stay together if it was easier." Blair got up and sat down on her bed.

"We both come from broken homes and we always said, if we ever felt like we didn't belong together we would end it. At that time, we did not belong together. We did not function like a couple should. We didn't communicate. I hated him for being quiet and he hated me for expressing my opinions. He can only apologize so many times before it all sounds the same. I'm not disagreeing with you Nina," she said calmly.

"So just be friends," Nina shrugged.

"_Iccan!..._" she said sharply trailing off in a mumble. Nina took a seat beside Blair seeing that she was obviously upset. "_I can't_," she repeated, avoiding eye contact with Nina.

"You're friends now though," Nina grabbed her hand.

"You can say that we're friends but it's not like it was. It's not like we're back in college, it's not like we could just go back to that friendship because we're not the same people. We can't just go back to a time when we never let Nate in on our inside jokes or when we watched movies that no one else had ever heard of."

"You know when we met?" Blair cleared her throat and squeezed Nina's hand.

"I knew we would be the best of friends the moment I saw your shoes..." Nina nodded with a smile.

"I told you that Dan and I were just friends. Well,...I used to kiss him everyday when we were just friends,...just because," she shrugged with a smile. "Just because it was fun and safe. We can't go back to that. We can't just cuddle because we feel like it or kiss because no one is telling us we're not allowed. I told him more things than I ever told Serena. I laughed more than I ever did with Serena. And no offense but my relationship with you is not like my relationship with him either," she swallowed.

"There are things that only we can understand, things that bonded us for life. No one knows what we went through with Connor. No one understands what it was like when we finally got Nicky. So,...I should be embarrassed but yes _I bought a new dress for today_..." she confessed sadly.

"Blair,..." Nina thought for a moment.

"I bought a new dress." she said with more confidence as she straightened out the hem. "And I'm going to wear it,"

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

"I can't wear this one! It'll fall right off! I need a stretchy one," Nicky grabbed a headband out of her dad's offering hand.

"You can't play soccer without a headband?" Dan starred down at his daughter.

"Oh my god,..." she rolled her eyes.

"I'll take that as a no," Dan grabbed his keys off the counter and followed his urgent daughter who desperately needed him to stop at a store and buy her a headband before her game. "You have like a million of them at your mom's house and you don't think to bring one when you know you have a game?" Dan ignorantly asked as they entered the store.

"I never know where i'm going to be anymore since you both trade me around like a baseball card!"

"Oh the dramatics..."

"I didn't know I was sleeping at your house last night! I thought mom was going to take me to my game!"

"Okay calm down,..." Dan crossed his arms. "Pick one, let's go you're going to be late,"

Nicky picked up the ones she liked and handed them to her dad who hurried to the cash register checking his watch a few times. "Can I get some water?" she asked Dan as she followed behind him in her cleats.

"You forgot your water?" Dan starred at her. "What's going on with you?"

"Fine, I won't have water. I'll just die of dehydration on the field..."

"Get it!, let's go!" he rushed her.

"oooh daddy!..." Nicky stopped in front of a boutique display full of pretty packaged makeup palettes and lipsticks. Dan looked over and let out a scoff. "Dadddddyyyyy,..." she whined. "But,...I need it. I absolutely need it!" she clasped her hands together.

"Nope,"

"Mommy would let me have it,..." she tried with big doe-eyes.

"Hah! Don't make me laugh," Dan pulled out his credit card and tapped it on the counter.

"Daddy, can I use your phone?" Dan ignored her as he paid for her items. "Daddy?..." Dan handed over his iphone absentmindedly still busy with the transaction. "What's your password?" she asked how to unlock the home-screen as her thumb ran over it.

"It declined," the cashier said.

"What?" Dan asked him.

"Daddy? Whats your password?" Nicky asked again.

"Yeah it says it declined," the guy told Dan.

"There's money on it..." Dan thought for a minute.

"Daddy? Can you put in your password?" Nicky tugged on his t-shirt.

"Uhhh," Dan rubbed his chin. "Can you try it again please?" he asked politely.

"Daddy?" Dan grabbed the phone from her hand and quickly input the password numbers then handed it back to her.

"It still says it declined,"

"Are we poor?" Nicky asked, not looking up from the game she was now playing on his phone.

"Ok enough..." Dan turned to her.

"I can try again if you..." the boy asked Dan.

"...What is..." Dan took his card back and groaned realizing he was handing him the wrong card. "Man, i'm sorry. Here," he handed him the right one. "Thank-you," Dan thanked the young man and told Nicky to pick up her stuff.

As the walked out of the store Dan's phone began to ring, he held his hand out to Nicky. "Let voicemail pick it up, i'm almost at the next level," she said with her eyes glued to the screen.

"Absolutely not," his hand still out.

"Daddy,"

"Nicole Brianna...,"

"Fine,..." she rolled her eyes and handed it over. "If you would just buy me my own iphone...,"

"Enough. It's enough," he sighed. "Hello?" he answered. "Meaning you're not coming?" Dan asked. Nicky's eyes starred up at Dan wide and worried. "Yeah i'll save you a spot," he laughed a little and a smile spread across his face. "Okay Daisy," he hung up. "Mommy is stuck in traffic but she'll be there as soon as she can,"

"Okay," she held her hand out hoping he would give the phone back.

'Nope," he slid it into his pocket.

"You're no fun today," she pouted.

"You're being a brat today," he retorted.

"No, you're just being extra mean today," she shuffled along.

"Me?" he scoffed. "Because I questioned why you couldn't remember to bring one of your thousands of headbands over to my house?" he asked. "Or was it when I said I wouldn't buy you makeup?"

"All the other girls on the team wear makeup!"

"Well that's probably because they're not as naturally beautiful as you are,"

Nicky still didn't seem convinced. "Oh is this about the iphone?" Dan asked. "..How many girls your age have a cellphone?"

"All of them!"

"Do not exaggerate,"

"Daddy, I just want one,"

"You have one,"

"No! I don't have an iphone!" she whined. "What if we win the game?" she pressed her hands together as if she was praying.

"No, no Way,"

"If i score a goal?"

"We don't bribe children,..." Dan began a saying Blair had been saying since Nicky was small.

"We reward them..." she finished, still looking quite positive she could talk him into the new device.

"I don't want to hear about it again okay?" Dan said sternly.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

Blair showed up about ten minutes late through no fault of her own. The traffic had been brutal even though she left the apartment twenty minutes earlier than she normally would have. When she arrived at the soccer field the teams of girls were in huddles and the parents were lined up on the side with their fold up chairs and umbrellas to shield them from the harsh sun. She walked along the side hoping she'd get a glimpse of her daughter's unmistakable wavy ponytail, before she did, she noticed Dan standing amongst the other spectators. The huddles broke and Dan clapped enthusiastically along with some of the other involved dads. She always loved how involved Dan was in Nicky's soccer. Though she couldn't see his eyes, they were covered by his sunglasses, she knew he was watching their daughter intently and making mental notes about her techniques for later. Dan only noticed Blair as everyone's head started to turn, he couldn't help but chuckle to himself by the reaction she had on men. He never understood her claim that she didn't have the power Serena had on the opposite sex, she always got so many looks but was always completely oblivious to her natural draw.

"You really oughta join a league," she took her place beside him and asked if she missed anything exciting.

"Not so far..." he barely got out as he and the other parents began shouting. "That's it! That's it!"

"lately she's been trying to manipulate me," Dan said, his eyes still following their daughter who kicked the ball and weaved through other players.

"I suppose she's at that age," Blair chuckled starring at the field. "Is she any good at it?" Blair enquired with vested interest.

"Not as good as you," he spoke but his eyes still scanned the field back and fourth as Nicky ran.

"Yeah yeah yeah...that's it," the man standing beside Blair began to chant. Blair looked to Dan who stood stoically, his arms crossed against his chest.

"YEAH NIC!" Dan yelled and clapped causing Blair to jump at the volume. She looked up to see Nicky fixing her headband as some of the other girls congratulated her on the goal. A few of the guys standing with Dan began to chat about how great of a goal it was. One of them clapped Dan on the back.

"Sunscreen?" Blair nudged Dan as she opened the cap of her La roche posay cream.

Blair watched him chuckle then decline. "No thanks," he didn't take his eyes off the field.

"The sun is the number one contributor to premature aging," she stated while slathering her exposed arms in the white cream.

"I thought you said I was aging like George Clooney,..."

"Oh shut up..." she gave him a little shove. Dan laughed and Blair couldn't help but smile at him.

The game was almost over when Dan finally turned to look at Blair, "Oh you look nice. You going somewhere after?" he asked.

"Umm,..." she smiled. "I'm...," his eyes were back on the game and she didn't feel an answer was required.

"Great game!" Blair congratulated her daughter as she hugged her. Nicky pulled from her and started explaining technicalities with Dan who just listened seriously but told her she was great even if she doubted herself a little.

"Be proud of yourself a little okay?" he laughed wondering where the modesty came from, she was the only one who successfully scored two goals. "Ice cream?" Dan asked throwing her pink bag over his shoulder. Nicky pulled her headband off, and Blair went straight to her long, thick locks and began running her hands through it.

"Macy asked if I wanted to get ice cream with her,"

"Mom came so we could spend the afternoon together..." Dan reminded her.

"I know but I really want to go with them!"

Dan looked over at Blair. "Well I guess if you really want to go..."

"Please!"

"Okay you can go," Blair said. In a heartbeat Nicky was kicking off her cleats. She then stripped off her shin pads and handed them to her dad before rushing off towards her friends.

"Hey!" Blair called Nicky back over to her. "You call me when you get there?"

"Ok!"

"And let me know where you're coming home too,"

"Ok! Ok!"

"Hey!" she called her back once more. Nicky bounced on her feet and turned to her mom. Blair gestured for her to come back and pulled her in for a hug, then kissed her on the forehead. "I love you,"

"I love you too,"

Before she could even get two feet away Dan was yelling, "Eh eh eh!," Nicky groaned and ran back to hug her dad.

"You know some kids have parents that don't like them at all..." Dan said as he quickly kissed her on the cheek.

"What do you want me to say right now?" Nicky asked with a laugh as he pulled away from their hug.

"Love you,"

"I love you too. Okay? good? can I go now? everyone is waiting for me,"

"Be good. Be polite..." Dan started.

"Be safe, be careful," Blair finished then looked up to see Macy's parents who were clearly waiting on Nicky. Blair and Dan both waved, giving their permission to Christine and Doug.

"Call me when you get there!" Blair called out after her as Dan packed up Nicky's gym bag and tossed it in the backseat of the car.

"See how much better it is when she has friends her own age..." Dan breathed.

"Please don't start..."

"Alright, alright,..." he nodded.

"So,..." Blair shrugged then looked down at the hem of her shoes.

"Umm...Ice-cream?" he asked Blair while tapping the roof of the car.

They walked through Central Park casually. Dan with a strawberry cone, Blair with dark chocolate. She felt like a girl who's crush finally asked her on a date. It was preposterous and she wanted to scold herself for feeling this way but she couldn't help it.

"So anyway, I thought his writing style really had something," Dan continued talking. "Maybe i'm losing my touch. I did receive an award for finding how many best sellers?" he asked.

"Twenty nine," Blair answered. "But don't act modest or anything," she laughed.

"Blair, I don't have very much to brag about..." he laughed. "Let me have this,"

She cleared her throat, "You have two best sellers Dan,"

"Yeah but,..." he inhaled. "Only one I really pay attention to...I don't know..." he trailed off.

"It's a solid novel. You should always be proud of it,..._regardless_," she looked over and smiled. An awkward silence fell between them. They ate their ice cream without words.

"I think ice cream was a poorly executed plan..." Dan said as he licked the side of his cone to prevent it from dripping everywhere. "The radio said that today is the hottest day of the year this far,"

"I knew we should have moved upstate so we could have a pool,"

"Upstate?," he laughed.

"It would have been nice to have a place away from the busy city,"

"Who are you?" he asked quizzically. "We both thrive on the energy of New York,"

"Still nice to get away sometimes,"

"I guess," he shrugged. "Everytime I walk through this park I feel weird that I don't have Winston," Dan looked over at a guy jogging with his retriever.

"I know," Blair said. "I miss it so much,"

"Why don't you get another dog?" he asked.

"I couldn't lose another pet," she inhaled. "And I don't think Nicky could either,"

"I can't believe she ditched us..." Dan chuckled seeing a few people with their kids.

"She's almost ten..." Blair shrugged. "It was bound to happen. That reminds me, I'm going to start planning her birthday party so I need to know..."

"Her birthday!?" Dan scoffed. "If I recall she was born in October so..."

"Which is exactly why I want to start planning now," she said in true form.

"Of course..." Dan should have known.

"Halloween costume party?" she asked his opinion.

"I like it," he nodded.

"You have to dress up Humphrey," she said in a warning tone.

"Why do you look at me like that?" he laughed, Blair couldn't help but smile at him.

"Because I know you hate dressing up for halloween," she gave him a playful push on the shoulder.

"Yet, i've done it every single year..."

"When we were together! And when I could force you..." she laughed.

"Remember that year when we were Danny and Sandy from Grease?" Dan asked.

"How on earth could I forget that? that was our first year with her!,"

"No I think she was a few years old..." Dan thought.

"Humphrey!," Blair's eyes widened. "She was two weeks old! we didn't plan on going out and that's why our costumes were so half-assed,"

Dan began to nod. "Nate told me that a white t-shirt and leather jacket didn't make me Danny Zucko. And I recall he was even more angry with your attempt..."

"Because I decided to be good girl Sandy at the start of the film opposed to hot, end of the movie-Sandy," Blair laughed. "I don't know why he ever expected anything else from me. You both know how much I hate the message the end of the movie sends..."

"We ruined one of Nate's favourite movies..."

"What's with him and musicals?" Blair asked. Dan laughed out loud recalling Nate's affinity for 'The Sound of Music'.

"What was Nate that year?" she asked.

"Batman and Nina was Poison Ivy,"

"And they didn't even plan it!" Blair laughed out loud remembering the laughter that filled their apartment.

"They're subconsciously in love...Remember Nicky was a cupcake..." Blair smiled sweetly.

"She was so little,"

"fifteen days old,...and now she'd rather spend time with her friends,"

"Why does no one tell you that it doesn't matter how good your relationship with your kid is, there will still come a time when they would rather be with their friends,"

"And then they go off to college and get their own apartment and never come back..."

"That's just a sign you did a good job," Dan smiled.

"Active parenting is so finite. We could potentially live another forty years after she goes to college. Well not you, you did smoke for a large portion of your young-adult life," Dan chuckled at her comment. "but still,...that's longer than her entire childhood twice over and we're going to have to get used to that,"

"There was a time when we didn't have her," Dan reminded Blair with an eyebrow raise.

"It's as if we live multiple lives," she contemplated.

"Just life stages,"

"So now we've covered dead dogs, and our child inevitably leaving the nest...Now i'm depressed...cheer me up,"

"She's always going to need us Blair," Dan offered a smile. Her hand brushed his gently, she pulled away quickly and used it to tuck her hair behind her ear.

"We're heading to the Hamptons next weekend and if you want to come..." Blair suggested.

"Uh,...isn't Patrick going?"

"No," she answered quickly. "We uh broke up," she made an awkward face.

"Oh,...oh," he blinked a few times.

"If you don't want to come to the beach house it's fine...I just thought,...they're still your nephews you know? You're still family,"

"Well, yeah I guess I could go,"

"Don't do me any favours..." she said thinking he sounded less than interested.

"I didn't mean it like that. I was just wondering where I would stay,"

"...I just assumed we would stay how we usually do. The three of us..." she felt her hand brush his once again, her eyes trying to connect with his.

"I actually don't think that's a good idea," he looked uncomfortable and Blair felt him slipping from her grip.

"Okay," she swallowed.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

"I still feel like lamaze are for hippies and monks. I've been breathing my whole life and now I have to learn how to do it properly?" Blair's face twisted with skepticism as she kneeled down then sat Indian style on a mat just like the other dozen pregnant women were doing. "This is ridiculous, this mat is probably filthy..."

"Shhh!" Dan hushed her then smiled at the instructor hoping she didn't hear Blair's little rant.

"Look at this guy...," Blair scoffed as a thin, bald guy followed his wife into the room. They were a young and handsome couple much like Dan and Blair. but clearly in a very different profession seeing that they had multiple tattoos in areas they couldn't hide. "You must feel so comfortable surrounded by Brooklyn hipsters," she scowled.

"Let me remind you that you're the one that insists on a natural birth," Dan began. "You might be all secure in how you're going to get through this but I am_ not_," he annunciated carefully through tight lips. The instructor had everyone go around and introduce themselves and say how far along they were.

"I'm Jesse and this is Erica," the bald guy with tattoos said.

"What do you think? common-law?" Blair snorted.

"Blair,..." Dan said in a warning tone.

"Can't the woman speak for herself? she just smiles while he talks for her?"

"Stop..."

"we're almost there," Jesse smiled. "About a month left before we have our little girl. So we thought it would be a good idea to get a few of these classes in."

Jesse had started a trend because after the first three couples it became apparent that the partner/husband was doing the talking as they went around the room. The instructor made a comment about how she had never seen that before but thought it was really sweet to start out that way. When it was Dan's turn he barely opened his mouth.

"I'm completely capable of speaking for myself," Blair smiled with a blink. "I'm Blair, i'm twenty weeks pregnant. It's a boy,...Oh, this is Dan,"

The room went silent for a moment before the instructor pressed her hands together and then began the class.

"You know we can leave. If you're going to act like this is a waste of time, maybe we should just leave," Dan spoke into her ear.

Blair rolled her eyes and then looked at Jesse and Erica with distaste. "Ugh, it's like they think they're superior to all the other couples,"

"What are you talking about?" Dan inhaled.

"He's being teacher's pet...and Erica keeps glancing over here and rubbing her stomach like she's mocking me for not being as far along..." she rubbed her bump.

"You are _delusional_..., she's not looking over here at all. Now breathe,"

"I highly doubt breathing is going to be enough to get through the worst pain a woman can endure,"

"What's the alternative Blair? you're just going to scream bloody murder but continue to refuse medication?"

"I will not bring my child into the world strung out on painkillers!" her jaw clenched.

Dan started to laugh which caught Blair off guard. "What?" she turned her head slightly so she could see him behind her.

"You want to have a home birth too? you wanna have this baby in our bathtub?...you sound like a hippie," his lips pulled to the side.

"I do not!"

As the class moved along, Blair found herself relaxing to the point of her closing her eyes while Dan's hands kneaded her lower back. "Okay this might not be so bad. Don't get me wrong, I still think it's stupid," She sighed contently as he continued.

"Good. I feel a little better now actually," he pressed his lips together.

"What are you so worried about?" she asked while sitting up as instructed. "You honestly think this is going to help?"

"I just..."he rubbed his eyebrow feeling silly. "My mind just...," he inhaled. "_I'm terrified_," he confessed with shame.

"Do I really have to be the one to tell you it's going to be fine? women give birth everyday," she nudged him with her body.

"Yeah but you,..._you don't_," his head tilted to the side. "I'm worried that i'm not going to be able to do anything for you" he sighed. "Blair,..." he gulped and looked around. "I've never seen you in pain like that..."

"You need to stop watching birthing shows, it's scaring you," she inhaled and continued breathing with the other women.

"All the guys on those shows are so calm and together. What if i'm not?"

When Blair sat back up after the instructor told them that was the conclusion of the class and if they had any questions they should stick around. Blair got up on her feet with the help of Dan. "I don't believe for a second that you would be anything other than perfect," her eyes met his.

"You have a lot of faith," he smiled as she wrapped her hands around his neck, Dan could feel her bump pressing against his midsection and always found it to be strange knowing their baby was caught between them.

"Just be there and hold my hand," her request was simple and put him at ease.

"That's all?"

"That's all," she nodded.

"You're not going to yell at me?" he asked.

"I might throw some shade at Eve for showing no restraint and eating the apple," she blinked rapidly with animosity. "...but no i'm not going to yell at you," she laughed lightly. "It'll be worth it. It's going to be amazing, you'll see,"

"I think you've done a 180 from the last time I talked to you about this,"

"He has to come out eventually," she smirked then leaned up to kiss him.

"Hi, Blair is it?" Erica walked over, Blair pulled her arms off Dan and looked to the woman.

"Yes,"

"I'm sorry, if you thought I was starring,...I just love your top so much. Would you mind telling me where you got it?" she asked with a nose scrunch. Blair turned to Dan with a smile.

"It's Stella McCartney and I got it from Bergdorfs," she examined Erica's clothing and realized every piece was high-end.

"It's not maternity is it?" Erica asked.

"No, I'm just not willing to buy maternity clothes yet," she found herself starring at Erica's Birkin bag.

"Well, I guess you're lucky you don't have to yet," she sighed looking down at her eight month belly.

"Well, you said you only have a little bit longer," Blair smiled.

"One month," she smiled. "I know he looks kind of scary but he's really just a teddy bear,"

"I'm sorry?" Blair's eyebrows raised.

"My husband,...I noticed you were," she paused. "...tattoos aren't for everyone, we get it,"

"No no no no," Blair shook her head and rested her hand on Dan's chest. "We have tattoos!" she smiled. "I was just admiring them," she saved herself. Erica thanked Blair again for telling her where she got her top and walked away.

"And you thought they were hippies..." Dan spoke under his breath.

"I thought HE was a hippie,...and really,...what do you think people see when they look at us," she scoffed as her eyes scanned Dan from head to toe.

"Give me strength," Dan looked up at the ceiling.

"That was not so bad now was it?" Dan asked as they got back into the car.

"It was okay. How many more do we need to go to before you're comfortable?"

"Well the classes are every Wednesday..."

"I can't go every week," she said quickly.

"Oh i'm sorry, I forgot you're incredibly busy "not working" and such,"

"I'm not allowed to work!" she reminded him. "Apparently my career piles on stress..."

"I can't see why..." Dan said sarcastically. "Hey,..." his hand slid on her knee. "You would tell me if Serena was bothering you right?"

"She's not," Blair said quickly but moved in the seat to see his face. "Is she bothering you?"

"I didn't say that. I just want you to tell me if she's contacting you. I really don't want you to deal with her yourself,"

"Do you know something I don't know? I haven't heard from her in a couple months..."

"That's good," he continued driving with his eyes on the road. Decidedly he wasn't going to tell her about Serena's frequent trips to his office, or the numerous photos she emailed him of herself in various stages of undress.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

Blair had been insatiable the night before so Dan slept like a rock. Blair watched him wondering if she could convince him to go another round at five am but decided to let him sleep knowing he had to work in the morning. Dan woke up alone, he found Blair laying on the love-seat in front of the window, her legs were propped up and the sun highlighted the crown of her hair. Her tank was rising up and he could see her rounded belly rise and fall. "What?" she looked over at him as he stood starring at her.

"Nothing. You just look cute,"

"I don't want to look cute," she groaned before going back to her book.

"Too bad, you're cute," he leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Why don't you go ahead and try that again, Humphrey," she tilted her head back further and he leaned in to kiss her on the lips.

"What are you doing up so early?" he asked taking another look at the clock and kneeling down beside the couch.

"Woke up at five actually and couldn't get back to sleep,"

"Why don't you get back into bed and i'll bring you breakfast," he kissed her again then rested his face against hers with a nuzzle.

"I have too much on my mind," she kissed him.

"Such as?"

I think today, would be a good idea to tell Nate because I want him to know at the shower,"

"I thought we weren't doing the shower for a few more weeks..."

"We're not but i'm doing all my planning and i'm making all the guests buttons, I want his to say 'Godfather',"

"Ugh..."

"You're not being very festive daddy," she pulled his button from the envelope at her side.

"I'm not wearing that," he shook his head. Blair pouted. "If people don't know who I am, I don't think they should be invited,"

"It's just for fun. Why do you have to be such a stick in the mud?, Maybe i'll let Nate wear it! that would be fun right?"

"...I'll wear it," he groaned.

Dan made Blair breakfast, she drove him crazy with facts about nutrition during pregnancy and asked him over twenty times if he was sure that her tea was decaf. "We should take Nate out for lunch to tell him. We took Nina out for dinner and we made it all official and special and we should do the same for Nate,"

"Okay okay," Dan sighed.

Blair had spent the rest of her morning planning her shower and contemplating the traditional blue theme or if she should do something unique. The dining-room table had piles and piles of table cloth swatches, pictures of cakes and invitation ideas that Dorota collected from pinterest. "What's a masculine flower?" Blair asked Nina and Dorota partially, seemingly not too concerned. Before Dorota could answer Blair sighed,"Who am I kidding, I'm just going to use peonies," she grabbed for the invitation samples.

"Miss Blair," Dorota showed Blair how they could have cookies with the baby's name on them.

"No, I'm not a hundred percent sure that will be his name...,"

Dorota side-eyed Blair. "You get name on blanket for nothing..."

"You have got to be kidding me..." Nina's jaw dropped.

"I can't foresee how naming him before he's born is a good idea. What if he comes out and looks nothing like a 'Connor'"

"Then you go, Jimmy for Jimmy Stewart," Dorota said. "Instead of Connor for Macaulay Connor,...why not just name baby 'Mike' ?"

"Dorota!" Blair's jaw dropped. "Though the best character Jimmy Stewart ever portrayed did cross mine and Dan's mind, we chose Connor for a completely different reason,"

"What names you have on short list?" Dorota asked.

"Raphael, Sebastian and believe it or not,...Nathaniel,"

"Miss Blair," Dorota nearly rolled her eyes.

"What?, Nathaniel Waldorf-Humphrey sounds very distinguished,"

"Very pretentious," Nina chimed in.

"Well good thing it's not your child..."

"Good thing," Nina sung in agreement with slight mockery.

"I can't believe you just called my child's potential name pretentious,...you do realize your name is Nina Daphne Elizabeth McAllistar..."

"Blair Cornelia Waldorf,..." she threw back.

"I never denied my esteemed name..."

"Connor Waldorf-Humphrey, is cute for a little boy and will adapt well for a man,"

"Just Humphrey,..."

"What?" Nina blinked in disbelief.

"Connor Humphrey,"

"Well that's patriarchal and stupid!"

"It's traditional," Blair stood up for herself confidently.

"I thought Dan liked the hyphen,"

"He did. He doesn't know I dropped the Waldorf,"

"Why would you do that?"

"Because I don't enjoy the hyphen," she said simply. "He will have his father's name and that's that," she stood up. "My back is starting to bother me. Dorota will you fetch me Dan's laptop?"

"Laptop? not notebook?"

"I'm not editing. He has publishing programs that should have good font books..."

"Blair,..." Blair could see Nina was struggling with something. "Don't change his name," she almost pleaded with her friend.

"Nina, he's my baby. I'm sorry to burst your bubble but I can do whatever I want,"

"Dan bought you a Chanel love necklace with 'Connor' engraved in it!" she blurted out.

"He bought me a push present?" Blair's eyes widened with excitement.

"It's gorgeous," Nina closed her eyes ashamed of what she just did.

"Nina!" Blair said in a scolding tone. "Dan would be ever so disappointed in you,"

"You were going to change his name!" she defended herself.

"What name is better than Connor!" she yelled at her friend.

After Nina went back to work, Blair happily rested in her bed and looked through several different fonts trying to figure out the best one for her invitations. She rubbed her stomach slowly and smiled thinking about her necklace and how she would act surprised when he gave it to her.

Several emails chimed in and Blair ignored them until she noticed the little icon said he had 79 emails. She wasn't so sure she had ever seen that before. Dan was really good at responding to people and he never let his inbox fill that much. She clicked it open to see if anything was urgent or spam she could delete for him. When she noticed the last seventy two emails were from Serena she felt her jaw clench. She desperately wanted to ignore them but she couldn't. She clicked on a random one and felt her heart sink.

**I had a great time last night. We should really do that again. I miss you so much. -S**

She opened the next one.

**Instead of waiting for you to respond I just want to ask if you want to meet up at the same time same place next week. Don't take too long responding, I'm so impatient :P - S**

Blair didn't think she could handle any more but she opened the next three and found pictures of Serena. Pictures of Serena in lingerie and a few that made her feel physically sick. She didn't even realize she was crying as she continued to sift through the photos and found more and more, with even less clothing. Still she couldn't stop looking at the photos that were meant for Dan's eyes.

"Hey you. How was shower planning?" Dan asked as he walked in.

"Why are you late?" her voice was scornful and accusing.

"...I'm late?" his eyebrows knitted together not realizing.

"You're ten minutes later than usual," she said starring at him with hatred, her arms crossing.

"Sorry?..." he wasn't sure what was going on. "I was going to surprise you but,...I,...," he sighed. "I picked up some macrons after work." he opened his briefcase. "I wanted to give them to you tonight during your usual sweet craving but if you want them now,..." he looked up to see Blair crying. And not just a few tears, real heavy sobbing.

"Okay, now you're scaring me,..." he followed her into the living-room. "Please tell me what's wrong,"

"Today,..." she sniffed. "I,...I,..." she couldn't get the words out.

"are you okay? was your appointment okay?" he held his hand out, his eyes falling to her stomach.

"The baby is fine,...other than he has a disgusting man for a father,..." she spoke quietly.

"Excuse me?" he could only laugh at the absurdity. "What are you talking about?" he asked softly as he grabbed for her hands so she would look him in the eye. "Did I do something wrong in a dream again?" Dan asked with a chuckle as he wrapped his arms around her and tried to rub up her back.

"I wish it was a dream!" she cried and freed herself from his grasp.

"Blair,..Blair,..." he spun her around to face him. "Breathe," his eyes widened. "You're getting worked up over what must be nothing..."

"So all the emails from Serena are nothing?" she starred at him with wide, heartbroken eyes. Dan scrubbed a hand over his face and deflated with a groan.

"I didn't want you to see that,"

"Well no shit!" she cried.

"I've been trying to delete them as they come but it's difficult when she can send a hundred in a day,"

Blair was still crying and Dan walked back over. "You don't believe me?" he said sadly, while he wiped her tears away with his thumb. "You're that quick to believing i'm scum?" he pressed his forehead against hers. "Can you do me a favour?" he pressed a lingering kiss to her cheek. "Can you tell me when I would have time to have an affair with Serena?" he asked stroking her hand gently. She looked up at him and almost immediately felt better.

"Wednesdays after I work, we have dinner together and then we go to lamaze? Or Fridays and Saturdays when we spend all our waking hours with Nate and Nina, or maybe yesterday when we spent all day in bed..." he nudged her again to remind her of what they did all day. "Why would I ever cheat on you?" he asked softly, his hands softly cradling her face. Blair closed her eyes and instantly felt silly. "You have a wild imagination," he pressed a kiss to her lips.

"She's quite convincing," Blair cleared her throat.

"I was confused when I first started getting them as well. I thought she would give up eventually. I'm going to change my email again and we should seriously consider a restraining order if this is going to continue," he suggested. Blair nodded slowly still starring at him.

"Hey,...will it make you feel better if you read my sent messages?" he sensed she was still on edge.

"No, I trust you," she steadied her breathing."I can't believe I let her get to my head," she rested a hand on her forehead.

"That is exactly what she wants. She wants you to think something is going on, she wants to ruin us,"

"Well we won't let that happen," Blair smiled.

"No stress right?" he asked pressing his hand against her side, feeling that bump that was still so strange to him.

"Right," he nodded with an exhale.

"You need to relax. I'm going to run you a bath," he pressed his lips to hers gently, Blair sighed into it lightly.

"Could you run _us_ a bath?" she asked coyly.

"I think maybe I could arrange that,"

They were surrounded by bubbles, Blair's back against Dan's chest. "Maybe we could practice lamaze?"

"Now?"

"Not the breathing part, just the part where you rub my back," she smirked.

"You're turning this into something erotic..."

"No..." she giggled.

"So,... what did you think of Serena's pictures?"

"Blair..." he groaned.

"C'mon. I'm not a fragile butterfly,"

"I opened one," he shrugged. "nothing special, nothing I haven't seen before..."

"Dan,... you know what I mean,"

"Okay, you want to know what I really think?, I think she truly believes her body has magical powers on men... when in reality she succumbs to any man that tells her she's pretty or that he loves her because her dad never said it to her growing up,..."

"Wow," she felt that might be harsh even if she wasn't Serena's biggest fan. "You did love her once," she reminded him.

"I loved the idea of her more than the reality of her,"

"Still must be a little flattering knowing that of all the guys Serena has been with, and trust me, it's a long list, you're the only one she wants,"

"Yeah, being stalked by a psycho is very flattering,..."

"You know,..." she rested the side of her face against his. "I do feel for her," she nuzzled him. "I can't imagine what it would be like to watch you marry and have a baby with someone else. She must be going through hell," she sighed. "I would know, I had a dream about it once, "

"The one where you woke up and told me to get out of our bed? I remember that one quite vividly," he stroked his chin .

"I'm just saying. I know what you once had with her and I don't think you should discount that just because she's different now,"

"She left me. She cheated on me,...and now that she's realized I was the only guy who was ever decent to her, she comes back. It's all because she doesn't value herself,"

"I don't know..." Blair thought for a minute, she linked her hands with Dan's and spread them across her stomach.

"What exactly do you think this conversation is going to achieve?" he asked.

"I just don't want you making statements based on what you think I might want to hear,"

"What is that supposed to mean exactly?" he asked kissing behind her ear.

"I know you loved her. I can handle you talking about her in your good days," she blew on some bubbles and sent some tiny ones floating through the bathroom.

"I did love her," he nodded. "I won't say I didn't because that would be a blatant lie but really what does that matter now? I don't love her now. I'm with a woman that is miles above her in every way," he kissed her neck. "Serena pales in comparison to you," he kissed her again. "And that is not a lie,"

Blair twisted her neck to reach his lips, they kissed a few times then pulled apart. "I love you," he said sweetly.

"I love you too," she pouted her lips out at him again.

"Did you feel that? I swear to god he kicked,"

"Nope," she laughed. "Trust me, I would have felt it,..." Blair chuckled.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

"Well, this comes as no surprise at all," Dan said as he starred down at his phone. He flipped the screen so Blair could read the message.

**_Can I please stay the night? Christine said she'd drive me home tomorrow morning - N_**

"What do you think?" Blair asked.

"You wanna rent a movie?" he shrugged.

"...uh," she didn't want to sound to eager. "Mhmm," she bit her lip.

They watched 'Ghost'; a film they always meant to watch together. They always thought there would be more time and so it sat on the back-burner, the Netflix queue, so they could happily watch their favourites for the hundredth time. Blair took a seat on the love-seat. Sadness washed over her when Dan sat on the other couch. He was so far away. She kept glancing over at him, lounging comfortably, his head on the arm rest, his right hand hanging off so his knuckles brushed the carpet. She studied his hand, blood rushed down his arm and his veins swelled. She noticed his finger tips were losing padding due to the countless hours of typing he'd done his entire life. Her eyes fluttered back up the film when she realized her eyes were tearing up, she sniffed lightly.

"Are you crying already?" Dan turned to her with a cheeky smile. She rolled her eyes gently and Dan sat up. "You want something?" he asked casually. She shook her head no. The only thing she wanted was to hold his hand.

**XOXOXOX**

**A/N:** Review Please. Next chapter will start right where this one left off, with them watching 'Ghost'. I'm so thankful that so many people are still with me here. I really hope you enjoy the following chapters. Things will pick up fast in the next chapter. Sorry I haven't updated in awhile, life is busy! -FQ


	22. Unchained Melody

**I have to answer questions that i've been forgetting about. I'm going to attempt to answer a few questions per chapter from now on... so here goes!**

**Q&A TIME!**

**1. Guest asked: **I began to wonder how much time you spend writing a single chapter. How many hours does it take?

**FQ: **It depends. A lot of my plot is already planned so I usually just have to polish it up and make it interesting. Which brings me to my next point, I hate a chapter when it's bare bones and boring. So I will spend time revising and adding some dialogue to make things more interesting. When all is said and done it probably takes three hours total. My biggest problem is that I get distracted so easily and something I could finish in three hours turns into days. I actually spend more time thinking about ideas and bouncing those ideas off other people. Sometimes it takes me like two weeks before i'll even write the idea down. I'm just too busy to write everyday and sometimes I don't want to think about it at all... that's why it takes me so long to update. I'm sorry.

**2. fancyelephant asked:** Are you ever going to write any new dair stories?

**FQ:** I never really thought about it to be honest. I don't think so. I'm very invested in this fic and I intend on taking it all the way to the end but it's starting to become a burden and I really just want it done. That said, I want it done properly. I've put too much time into the outline to cop out now. Never say never, but I don't think i'd ever feel the inspiration to write another one of these.

**3. Danielle asked:** What's not to love about Nicky?

Nothing! she's perfect in every god-damn way ok?...hehe. I admit I wasted a question here.

**4. Guest Asked:** What's going on with Dan's credit card?

**FQ:** He gave the dude the wrong one. I didn't have any motivation beyond this other than showing a little glimpse into who Dan used to be and having Nicky be annoying while he was occupied.

**5. DanANDSerenaFORever Asked:** So sad that you stop writing about derena! Come on ehat were you thinking!?

**FQ: **I was thinking I don't like Serena and I loathe writing dialogue for her. Is this really still a topic? i'm sorry no more DS peeps.

**6. Frenchy Asked:** Why does (Blair) need to hear (The Doctor) announce he's a boy if they already know?

**FQ:** Because Blair wants everything a certain way. She envisions the birth of her child to be traditional and maybe something she's seen in a film. I really had no intention behind that, I wasn't trying to confuse you. Connor is a boy 100%.

**7. Tweedledeedum asked:** I can smell a Dan and Blair reunion on the horizon...Right? :)

**FQ:** Depends on how I feel... :P

**8. Guest asked:** Didn't Blair only emotionally cheat on Dan?

**FQ: **Only? I don't think Dan would think of it that way. Blair kissed Patrick while she was married and continued a relationship that she knew was not completely platonic. She thinks it's okay because they were never serious while she and Dan were still married but Dan doesn't see it that way.

**9. Danielle Asked: **What hell is Serena hoping to achieve? Expect tears I guess when you reveal what happened there?

**FQ:** Serena is not exactly in the right mindset at the moment. She tells Blair she wants them to be friends and that choosing Dan was a mistake but really,...Serena wants Dan and that's all. She's attempting to ruin their relationship at the moment. She wants to ruin their trust and then go from there. As for tears...I cried reading a certain chapter over so...who knows maybe. I'll warn you in advance if it's going to be emotional.

**AND HERE WE GO!**

**A/N:** Starts out where the last one left off. This is a mashed up chapter, I hope that's okay. It's present, flashbacks of all different moments. I'm dedicating this chapter to Dan and Blair's connection but it's more than that. This will be the last chapter with any flashback to where they are fighting, there will be no more of Dan's issues after this one. I know you might think it's overkill but I really need to tie this up properly. I've written every part of this and it's necessary to go here one more time. It's long but it's necessary. Short little chapter because i'm so busy this week! I titled it appropriately considering this chapter is a bit messy so "unchained" and disjointed if you will.

Enjoy it please.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**UNCHAINED MELODY**

**BY: The Righteous Brothers**

**From: Ghost**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

They were laughing at something, it didn't matter what. Through this happiness Blair still felt a pang of pain in the pit of her stomach. No matter how much fun they were having, laughing at the film for being more cheesy than Dan remembered and cracking jokes about Patrick Swayze, she still felt an unceasing chill in the air, a distance that had nothing to do with the separate couches they were sitting on. Soon her laughter wasn't out of genuine glee but from the desperate need to connect with him. Blair continued to overcompensate for this empty feeling with tried laughter and jokes so much it began to hurt her heart. She asked herself if this was it, was this what had become of their deep emotional connection?

"Dan, do you have blanket?" Blair asked meekly. Dan looked over to see Blair rubbing up her arms. She considered making a comment about her choice to wear a sundress but felt the point was moot as Dan got up and searched through a near-by linen closet.

"I'll turn down the AC too. It's like an icebox in here," he gently tossed the blanket over her, went to the thermostat then returned to his spot on the other couch. Blair's eyes fell to the blanket, her fingers played with the fringe as she brought it up to her face and smelled it. The fresh, clean scent flooded her mind with memories.

**_"I suppose I could stay..." Blair got herself comfortable on Dan's couch with her favourite blanket. If someone told her five years ago that she would love wrapping herself in a blanket Dan Humphrey owned, she would think they needed medical attention. This must have been the softest blanket she had ever felt, and it smelled like Dan's apartment. A smell she was beginning to love. A mixture of smoke from the fireplace and home cooking...but it was fresh, especially on Sunday nights after he washed it with something that smelled like heaven._**

Blair sat up straight up, indian style on the sofa. Her legs still covered with the blanket she used to call her own. "So did you have a clay wheel growing up?" Blair asked once the credits began to roll.

"Of course," Dan answered from the other couch.

"You did?"

"No!" he laughed sitting up from his lounging position.

"Well, what kind of artist's son are you?" she snorted in jest.

"My mother's medium of choice is oil paint, you know that,"

"You mean to tell me your mother and father never made any_ pottery_ together?" she played coy with an eyebrow wiggle.

"As far as i'm concerned my parents had sex twice. Once for me and once for Jenny and i'd like to continue to believe that," he stood.

"Now, that's just sad. You're a grown man Humphrey,... I happen to know that your mom was a barely nineteen yearold groupie and you were conceived on a tour bus..." she was always very amused by this. There was something so endearing about Dan being the love-child of two hippies. "Yes, I'm sure your parents had many a nights..."

"Harold, Eleanor, clay wheel..." Dan deadpanned.

"EW!" Blair threw a pillow at him. Dan laughed and moved the pillow to the side.

"Maybe it's a good idea we don't have a clay wheel,...It would ruin 'Ghost' for Nicky," Dan popped the dvd out of the player and put it back in the case.

"Nicky always loved that we were in love," Blair contemplated. "Actually very interested in love in general,... the physical aspect lately..."

"Tell me about it," Dan groaned.

"She asked me how many times an average couple has sex a week, yesterday," she smiled sarcastically to indicate her frustration.

"She's fascinated with all things sex,"

"Because she reads Cosmo!" Blair complained "I found a stack under her bed,"

"If she's reading it she should know the answers to her questions,..." Dan laughed.

"She asks them because she's testing my knowledge,"

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her I was done with the conversation but I should have just guessed because the next question out of her mouth pertained to how _normal_ her parents were,..."

"Uhh," Dan looked at her cautiously hoping she was joking.

"She full out asked how many times a week we had sex when we were married..." she trailed off and Dan froze.

"And you told her?" a mixture of worry and discomfort showed on his face.

"No,...no no," she shook her head. "I told her it was an inappropriate question for a nine year-old. But it was the way she asked. She said 'you know,..when Daddy didn't sleep on the couch and when you talked at breakfast,"

Dan looked down at the floor, he wasn't aware that Nicky was so observant. He always told her that Blair needed a good night sleep and that's why he slept on the couch. It was apparent that Nicky knew something was wrong then even if she didn't seem to notice.

For a moment they were both quiet. "Maybe you should take the stack away from her," he said quietly, his mind clearly still on other things.

"Oh,...I did," she answered with a gulp. "I did,"

The silence in the room became so uncomfortable Dan considered putting on some music. Out of nowhere Blair spoke up.

"Dan, I want you to know that I cried every night," she shifted under the blankets. "After you gave me the papers,...I cried,"

"...You didn't have to tell me that," he said quietly wondering how she did such a good job at seeming unfazed.

"I just want you to know that I did care. When you gave them to me..."

"You said,...'thank god,' " Dan sat himself beside Blair.

"I know,..." her eyes welled up and nodded trying to keep her composure.

"You looked relieved," Dan continued.

"I was," she nodded sitting up straight so she was looking directly at him. "It was a relief but seeing them was still heart wrenching. I only succeed, I don't fail,"

"Everyone fails sometimes," Dan shrugged and played with the hem of her blanket. "For what it's worth,...I'm so sorry for everything. I truly didn't see what I was doing . I'm sorry I ruined us," Blair frowned at how genuine he was as he looked at her.

"Well, I wasn't completely innocent," she admitted. "I know I made it so hard for you," she wiped her eye. "I didn't mean any of those nasty things I said to you when,..."

"Yes, you did," he chuckled a little. "But I completely understand. I should have never put you in that situation in the first place and I'm so sorry,"

"I accept your apology just like I have every other time," she laid her hand over his.

"Too little, too late, right?"

"It's never too late," she smiled softly.

"Why umm,..." he struggled with what he wanted to ask her. "Why,...Why were you seeing Patrick then?" he tried to ask casually, he scratched the back of his neck.

"I told you. We weren't serious until our divorce was finalized," she began to feel the need to defend herself.

"No, I don't mean that. What made you look elsewhere? I was clean then, for a while actually. I was really trying...," he took a deep breath. "If it meant you were going to go find someone else...," she could see him struggling with his thoughts. "I would have done anything and everything..."

"Honestly, I just needed someone to confide in," she looked up at him. "Everything was always about you. Your issues, your NA meetings, your rehab, your doctors. And before that it was, your book, your agent, your screenplay... selfishly it was nice to have someone only care about me and my issues." She confessed honestly. "I didn't mean for it to turn into anything, it just kind of happened. I realize now, a man that pursues a married women at a vulnerable time was very dishonourable. I was blind then. He made me feel special like used to," she let out a gentle laugh. A moment passed then Dan wrapped his arms around her with gentle pressure. She felt like collapsing or running away because when he hugged her it felt so platonic she could have screamed. He was so disconnected and uninterested she could burst into hysteric crying. Her jaw clenched tightly as she willed herself to remain calm.

"Will you please come to the Hampton's," she said quietly over his shoulder. Dan pulled back and looked at her.

"No," he breathed. "I can't." He declined with an apologetic tone in his voice.

"Okay," she nodded understanding.

"Did you maybe want to watch something else?" he offered.

"Something such as?" she brought her knees under her chin and felt the soft blanket against her skin.

"Well for starters, nothing with Hugh Grant,"

"Be more specific,"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

**BLAIR**

"Where are you going?" Blair watched as Dan shrugged on his sport jacket. She had just finished tucking Nicky into bed and hoped she and Dan could stay up and talk.

"I have a meeting," he said easily as if she should have known.

"It's almost ten," her eyes glanced at the clock. "I thought we were going to talk about some things tonight,..." she said meekly.

"We will. I won't be that long," he pressed the elevator button.

"What kind of meeting?," she asked skeptically.

"The film producers want to meet with me," he smiled brightly.

"Oh," she gulped feeling nausea creep up on her. "Maybe we could talk about this before you sign anything," she gulped. "Let's just talk about it first,"

"We can later. Andrea is waiting for me downstairs," he stared at his phone.

"Andrea?" Blair asked rubbing her arms.

"C'mon Blair,..." Dan tilted his head towards the ceiling with frustration. "You met her!,"

"I'm sorry, I don't recall..." her jaw tightened with irritation.

"She sat right here in this room with all my other agents. Why is it that you don't take a single interest in my career?"

"I do take an interest in your career!"

Dan ignored her and adjusted his tie. Instead of fighting Blair decided to be softer in her approach. "Dan," she walked closer to him and softly took a hold of his chin, looking into his eyes. Her own eyes grew wider when she recognized a tell tale sign that he had been using. His pupils were fully dilated.

"Stop," he pulled away, making sure they didn't make eye contact. "Stop...," he said as more of a demand taking a firm grasp of her wrist.

"What are you doing?" she asked compassionately, her head tilted to the side. "Why are you doing this to yourself?...I'm trying so hard to help you..."

"I'm not talking about this...I have work to do," he slipped his phone into his pocket and began to get into the elevator as if nothing was wrong.

"Wait, wait," she took hold of his hand. "I love you. I hope it all goes well," she swallowed the bitter pill.

"Yeah, I'm really sure you feel that way," he said sarcastically as he got into the elevator.

"I do," she felt like there was nothing she could do now. "Dan," she licked her lips and rested her hands on his shoulder. "Stay home with me. Stay and talk to me,"

"I'm not sure if you really understand what's happening here..." he looked at her as if she was a complete idiot, he peeled her hands off him. "I have very important people waiting for me right now. I know it must be hard to comprehend considering i'm only fit to serve you breakfast and kiss the ground you walk on, but I have actual people waiting for me that believe I possess a rare talent. I'm a wanted man so you're just going to have to wait until there's a window of opportunity in my schedule,.."

She couldn't even think of a response. "_What?_" she whispered, her eyes searching his face and wondering what happened to her husband.

"I know you hoped I would never find success and always stand behind you but right now it's my time and i'm going to take every opportunity offered to me,"

"I've only ever wanted success for you," she felt like she froze. She was so confused right now she thought any second he would burst into laughter and call off the charade.

"Don't wait up," he said once the big metal doors opened for him.

"Yeah..." she felt her throat get sore, her whole body numb. Blair didn't even realize she was crying when she finally walked away from the elevator feeling defeated. She noticed Nicky had lined up all her stuffed animals in the living-room, she must have been treating them as her employees because the coffee table was full of scribbled papers, pens, Dan's old briefcase and her old rotary phone. She almost smiled at how sweet Nicky's scribbles were, her name in her best attempt at cursive, over and over again. Blair collected Nicky's items and began putting them in their proper place when a little voice startled her. "Mummy?" she asked while rubbing her eyes.

"Oh,..." she swallowed hard. "What are you doing out of bed?" Blair walked over to her.

"My tummy hurts," she frowned.

"Oh no," Blair bent down to her level and felt her forehead with her lips. "You're not warm. Let's get some water and i'll read you another story," she pulled her up into her arms and placed her on the kitchen counter. "What kind of hurting?" she asked.

"Just hurts,"

"Oh my baby," Blair offered her a glass of water then made her chew a children's pain killer.

Nicky lowered her cup and starred at Blair. "Mommy why are you crying?" she asked sadly once she saw Blair's bloodshot eyes and damp cheeks.

Blair touched her cheek and noticed her mascara must have been running. "I'm not crying," a smile spread across Blair's face, her eyes widened to prove she was nothing but happy. "C'mon, let's get back into bed," she pulled her up into her arms and carried her to her bright Tiffany's blue bedroom. After a few minutes of stroking her baby's face, Nicky was out like a light. Blair got into her own bed and tried to sleep but couldn't. She pulled her phone off the nightstand after what felt like hours of tossing and turning. The bright light shining from the phone made her eyes burn. It was three thirty in the morning and Dan still wasn't home.

**XOXOXOX**

"How much say do I get?" Dan asked while adjusting his collar and following his new agent through the dark hall.

"They're willing to give you full freedom with the screenplay,"

"Hmm," he smiled smugly thinking that was better than he expected.

"I assume the wheels are turning?"

"I have some ideas up my sleeve,...how much control would I have during the filming?"

"Depends on who they end up hiring as director. Usually they like to collaborate with the writers," she finished saying as they came to the end of the hall. A few booth tables were lined up against the wall with modern, glass bulb light fixtures hanging over them. Francesca walked towards the table full of men and women that were dressed impeccably. "Hello," she greeted them. Everyone at the table stood up, then stared at Dan.

"I've been waiting to meet you for a very long time," the oldest man held his hand out to Dan.

"Dan Humphrey," he introduced himself.

"I know who you are," he smiled at him with dollar signs in his eyes.

**XOXOXOX**

Blair continued to toss and turn until she heard the sound of Dan's shoes connecting with the hardwood floor. She took a sigh of relief. It was as if a sleeping pill had just kicked in once she knew he was home and safe. She forced her heavy eyes to stay open just a crack as she watched him enter their bedroom and strip down to get into bed. She felt the bed dip beside her as he laid his body weight on it. His soft breathing, invaded her thoughts and clouded her mind with desires that she had no business feeling tonight. She bit down on her bottom lip as he shifted his body weight. The anticipation of what might happen was causing her shallow breathing. When his lips touched her bare shoulder and moved away the strap of her silk tank, she was his. She let out a soft breath of appreciation, a hum of content. He continued his kissing until he sucked on her pulse point and she moaned. His hand slipped into her shirt and gently caressed her breast and teased her nipple.

"Look at me," he said. Blair turned to face him, she licked her lips and starred at him dreamily. His lips slammed against hers, devouring her and making her hotter and more bothered. Her leg lifted, her foot resting against the elastic band of his boxers. She could feel him so hard against her and she didn't want to wait, she wanted this now.

"Did you lock the door?" she asked shimming down his boxers and setting him free.

"Yeah," he breathed while sliding her panties down her legs and moving one foot at a time in order to get them completely off. Her hand stroked him up and down then pumped eagerly as he waited at her entrance. He slid himself up and down her opening, she felt a shiver each time and the anticipation causing her to have mini spasms. With each stroke he dipped into her a little more, and she gasped for air. When she least expected it, he shoved himself completely inside her and she cried out in pleasure.

"MMMMmmph," she dug her fingers into his back and thrust against him over and over until she hit one of the most wonderful orgasms she had ever experienced. Dan helped her ride it out and milk it for every last millisecond by rubbing her clit quickly. She collapsed against him, her sweaty pieces of hair matted over his shoulder. He continued kissing her neck and holding the small of her back as closely to him as possible. Blair breathed wispy, soft screams in his ear with every thrust which helped him come fast and hard. He pulled from her, she hurried to the en-suite to clean herself up. As she used a towel to wipe him off of her, she noticed herself in the mirror and felt nothing but shame. She got back into bed, not saying a word and contained herself to her side of the bed curled up tightly. Dan was not having that as he wrapped his arm around her midsection and pulled her to spoon with him. His hand ran up and down her arm so lovingly, his nose caressed her ear and neck so adoringly. Her arm reached around and gently took the crown of his his head guiding his lips to hers. Her hand lays lazily on the side of his face as she lays down on her back, she stares at him and feels so much she knows exactly why she's stayed this long and worked this hard to help him. "I'm so in love with you," she gently runs her fingers down his face. Dan doesn't say anything, he just lowers his lips again and kisses her, he tells her everything she wants to know in that kiss.

The next morning Blair watched Dan and Nicky at the kitchen table. They were laughing, the sound that she usually found euphoric was menacing.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

**DAN**

**XOXOXOX**

"You're home," he smiled softly, trying not to sound too eager. He put down his magazine and didn't dare ask about her whereabouts even if it was eating him up inside. She had left early that morning saying she needed to work but now it was eight pm.

"Yeah," she slipped out of her heels and walked towards Nicky's room.

"She's sleeping," he explained walking behind the kitchen counter to show her the beautiful pie they had baked together. "Did you want some..." he gestured with a cheeky grin. "I'll cut you a slice if you want," he pressed his lips together, "or we can share one,"

"No, i'm...i'm just going to go to bed," she sighed. "I'm exhausted,"

"Okay," he scratched the back of his neck trying to look as casual as possible, his eyes bright and unfazed even though he was cracking at the seams just desperate to connect with her on any level. Blair entered her en-suite and began removing her makeup, the door was open a crack and light pooled into their dark bedroom. Dan stood outside their room and paced the hall trying to think of what he could say to her that wouldn't have her snap at him. When she walked into her bedroom she could see that he was pacing from the shadow moving along the bottom of the door. She opened it and glanced at Dan. "Hey,..." he took a big step so he could be face to face with her. "Uh,...sweet-dreams," he smiled.

"Thank-you," she said coldly before closing the door on him. Just then Dan's office phone began to ring.

"Anything you want to tell me?" Andrea said the moment Dan answered his phone.

"Such as?" he collapsed into his swivel chair.

"Jerry just called me,...you failed to show up at your signing today...you realize how important this is to the film producers don't you?" she was livid, he could hear it in her voice. "Where have you been!" she yelled. Somehow explaining that he had spent the last few weeks in rehab seemed unimportant. She didn't need to know where he had been, he didn't need her anymore anyway.

"Umm," he scratched his eyebrow. "I've changed my mind. I have no desire to sell the rights to my novel,"

"Excuse me?" Andrea sounded alarmed and slightly irritated.

"I'm no longer interested in the project," he said calmly. "Thanks for all your work...I'm just..."

"I knew something like this would happen,..." there was a growl in her tone. "You were always completely unreliable, you always think too highly of yourself...Do you think you're above this?" she asked angrily.

"Complete opposite actually," he hung up the phone and walked back to his couch stacked with pillows and blankets. He relaxed the best he could and reminded himself that everything would be better in the morning. He would make Blair her favourite breakfast and everything would be better. Bit by bit, this was going to resolve. If he didn't think this way, he wouldn't be able to sleep.

When Dan woke up, Nicky was sitting on the lounge chair beside him in her pyjamas. Her eyes were glued to his face, her smile grew bigger and bigger until she giggled. "Why did you sleep on the couch silly?"

"uhm,..." he sat up and scrubbed a hand over his face trying to remove some of the sleep from his eyes. His hair was sticking out in all directions and his white t-shirt was twisted around. "Mommy needed a good sleep and,...I toss and turn,...snore even," he laughed lightly.

"Breakfast time!" she announced while spinning in the direction of the kitchen.

"Oh is it?" he stood up and tossed her over his shoulder. Her bouncy, chocolate coloured locks, swung back and fourth as Dan carried her to the kitchen and placed her on a stool at the island so she could watch him make pancakes. He pulled out all the items to make Nicky's favourite pancakes. He began with the pancake batter recipe that was engraved on his brain then pulled out coloured sprinkles, and a box of white cake mix. "Special Sunday breakfast Nic?"

"You can make any day special daddy,"

"So wise you are," he nodded. "Should we make mommy her favourite too?"

"Yes, we should!"

Dan was getting out ingredients to whip up his best eggs benedict, something he only managed a handful of times, and Nicky was happily on to her second pancake when Blair emerged fully dressed. "Hi pumpkin! What do you have?" she leaned over and looked at her plate. "I'm not sure that's the best choice,..." she began.

"I just wanted to do something fun," Dan said excusing his choice to give their daughter cake for breakfast.

"You can't always be fun. Sometimes you have to be a parent," she moved Nicky's plate away from her.

"Mummy!" she whined lightly.

"Nicky, i'm not doing this today. I have to go into work..." she groaned.

"On a Sunday?" Dan asked. "You went to work yesterday..."

"Please, I only had one tiny little one," Nicky looked at her dad for help.

"It's not a debate. You're not having cake for breakfast today,"

"Blair,..." Dan shoulders dropped. "It's just a couple..."

"They're full of sugar and not much else. No, not for breakfast,"

"But i'm still hungry,"

"Daddy will make you something else," she kissed Nicky on the cheek. "I'll see you when I get home,"

"Blair," Dan followed her to the door. "Can we talk when you get home?"

"If I have time," she rolled her eyes slightly and walked out, Dan felt his stomach twist. He went back to Nicky who was using her fork to take a pancake off the stack.

"No, no, no," he laughed lightly moving the plate away from her.

"But daddy!," her smile was gorgeous and bright. "She's gone!" she giggled. Dan couldn't help but shake his head and laugh at her.

"Mommy was right," he wrapped up the pancakes. "Well we don't have much...I guess we're having oatmeal and then maybe after dinner we can have some pancakes for dessert,"

"Oatmeal!" she groaned with distaste, her nose crinkled.

"Yeah..., i'm with you," he stroked his chin. "What if mommy asks what we had for breakfast..."

"We had oatmeal with cinnamon and apple slices!" Nicky yelled.

"You're going to be a nightmare as a teenager..." he put the pancakes back on her plate and she smiled brightly.

"Can I have some ice cream on these?" she pressed her lips together so she wouldn't burst into laughter at her dad's shocked face.

"Do you really think i'm going to allow that?" he blinked. Nicky smiled at him, "Ok just a little!" he went to the freezer.

* * *

><p>Piece by piece his dark locks fell into the sink. The buzz of the clippers concerned him so he stopped and checked to see if he woke Nicky. Within minutes he had shaved his entire head to a reasonable length that Blair would approve of. He laid in bed and watched the news, his eyes fell heavy and he realized it was nearly midnight. Blair still wasn't home, he called her cellphone with no response. He called Nina who hadn't heard from her all day, then he started to worry. As he lifted out of bed to call her office phone, he heard the elevator open. Her shoes clanked on the floor and she rushed in with purpose.<p>

"Where were you?" there was nothing in his voice but concern as he made himself visible.

"I was at work. I told you that,"

"No you weren't,...I called there like three times,"

"I was probably in the design department when you called..."

"Blair, I talked to Lint and he told me there was no one there today but him and a few people setting up for a photo-shoot tomorrow morning. Are you just avoiding me?" he followed her into the bedroom where she began unbuttoning her blouse. She went to wash her face and apply her night cream. She took one glance down at her sink and her jaw clenched. "Did you cut your hair?"

"I didn't think you noticed," he touched his hair sheepishly. Blair lifted a clump of his discarded hair to show him before she threw it back into the sink with a loud, sopping sound.

"Couldn't have used your own sink to tame your muppet hair," she continued with her night regime. Dan walked away knowing she was angry with him.

"I know you gave her the pancakes after I..."

"We had them for dessert," he jumped in quickly.

"Oh yeah, that sounds like something i'll believe. Tell me something do I have 'Stupid' written across my forehead?" she asked. "...I'm sick and tired of fun daddy because I see through fun daddy. He's great and awesome for Nicky but you know what I see? Guilt!" she huffed. "Ashamed and regretful daddy who's only satisfied when his daughter loves him more than her mother..."

"That's not true," he shook his took a hold of her face in his hand so she would shut up. "What do you want me to do?...Tell me and i'll do it!"

"You can't do anything. You can't rewrite history and take back everything you've done to me. I'm actually ashamed of myself..."

"Ashamed why?"

"Ashamed that I didn't walk away when I had the chance," she said immediately as if she hoped he was going to ask.

"...There's nothing keeping you here. You can walk away whenever you want to. You're not a gilded butterfly, you're not Anne Archibald, you do what you want to do. Don't tell me you're ashamed that you didn't walk away when you had the chance. You have every chance right now, so if you want to go,...go,"

"I'm not leaving my daughter here with you,"

"Well, i'm sorry but there's no way in hell you're taking her,"

"And that's why i've missed my chance," Blair went straight to their bedroom. "_Fucking junkie_," she said under her breath as she clicked on the marble floor.

It shot right through Dan's heart like an arrow. "You think that helps?," his bottom lip shook, he felt his throat become sore and his eyes stung. "Do you think that's going to help me?" he held his fists up to his eyes. "I'm trying so hard and I just wish you could help me, I wish you could talk to me,..."

"I have talked to you!," she yelled. "I've gone to counsellors with you! I've been supportive of you and i've stood by your side, time and again,...it's been two weeks! How am I supposed to believe this is for good?,...you say the same things every time! I held your hand through this! I've talked you down from the ledge, I nursed you back to health, carried you through interviews, made excuses for you, kept your secrets and hid your skeletons!..." her bottom lip shook, "_I've done enough_," she said softly.

"Last time you were clean for a month before you started up again. I don't believe a thing you say,...it's been two weeks, we'll see where you are in a few more,"

"Can you please just come over here and talk to me. I decided not to do the screenplay,"

"I'm going to bed,"

"Blair you mean more to me than my writing career, you know that..."

"I never wanted that!," she stopped in her tracks, her head shaking back and fourth. "...please don't tell me that's what this is about. I don't want to be the reason you breathe!" she cried.

"Did you hear what I said?,...I'm not doing the film,...come talk to me!"

"Dan this is not about me wanting to be your number one priority in life...this is about you completely losing my trust," she walked towards their bedroom.

"Please," he caught up with her and held on to her arm. "I just need,..." he gulped. "We don't have to talk just don't run away from me. Stay here with me,"

Blair ignored his plea and Dan fell to the couch and held his head in his hands.

They carried on without saying too much to each-other for another few weeks. They slept in different rooms, they made small talk about Nicky or the weather, they avoided family functions and never sat at the same table during a meal. For Blair, it was a path to some semblance, for Dan, it was was pure hell.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

_I was too proud and stubborn to do anything. When I realized divorce papers were in Dan's hand I wanted so badly to draw blood. I wanted to attack him. I was just so angry that he had done this to me and I didn't want to be the weak one. He didn't want me anymore and it hurt so much the pain was unimaginable. I turned the tables and made it into something I wanted more than he did. I surprised myself when I acted as though divorce papers were my idea_. -B

"What are you doing here?" Blair looked up to see Dan standing at her desk.

"I just wanted to give you this," he swallowed not sure what her reaction would be.

"...Thank-god!," she said once she saw what Dan had extended to her. It was not the reaction he had hoped for. "Let me find a pen and i'll sign them all right now!" she began mumbling a little as Dan stood silently. "I hope it goes through quickly...I don't want to have to be married to you one second longer than necessary..."

"Oh I feel the exact same way,"

"Good," she replied.

"Good!" he threw back at her. He was so angry now he just wanted to wipe his hands clean of her. This was not the girl he fell in love with, there was no end in sight to this.

"If you even consider a custody hearing..." her eyes locked on him, they were emotionless and cold.

"Just sign them..." he said carelessly.

"I mean it. If you so much as request primary custody I will be relentless...I'll get full custody so fast it'll make your head spin and you'll never see her again. Do I make myself clear?,"

"You think i'm that kind of person? After all these years you think i'd do that to you?" now his jaw was clenched.

"I don't know who you are anymore,"

"SIGN THEM!"

"Here!" she shoved them back towards him.

"Thank you very much!" he stormed out of her office. She starred at the door, her heart pounding with hatred.

_I spent the entire afternoon crying in the office __bathroom-B_

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

Nicky let herself into her dad's apartment after Macy's mom had dropped her off. It was so loud in the kitchen she knew no one heard her entrance. She kicked her shoes off and left them with the others; A pair of Nate's tennis shoes, a sky-high pair of Nina's black pumps and a very new, clean pair of her mom's wedge sandals.

"Oh that's my favourite!...You washed the bowl? Jerk!" Blair complained that Dan was washing the pancake batter bowl before she could have a taste of the raw batter.

"I can't believe you like that," Nina's nose scrunched.

"Have you ever had Dan's blueberry pancakes,...It tastes like..." she was cut off as Dan's thumb was shoved in her face.

"Here," he offered her his thumb that he was just about to lick.

"I don't know where that's been," she looked alarmed.

"Want it or not?" Dan moved it close to his lips when Blair grabbed his wrist and licked it off.

"Mmmm,.." Dan made a sexually suggestive sound.

"Behave!" she gave him a small swat. "..We have a little girl living here," she warned him while licking her lips.

"Yeah and how did she get here again?" Nina said with a smirk before digging into her purse for her pack of cigarettes.

"...IT'S TRUE!" Nate laughing resting his head on the table.

"I don't know why I tell you anything..." Blair groaned.

"She started with a kiss..." Nate mocked Blair's own words.

"She. Did. " Blair said sternly.

"What kind of kiss?..." Nate laughed again.

"You're disgusting," she threw him a look of revulsion. "You all know why I say that! Dan and I started with a single kiss,"

"I always thought it was nice to say that," Dan nodded with a sip of his coffee.

"You're just trying to take something gross and make it sweet," Nate shrugged.

"It's not gross!" Dan and Blair said in unison.

Nicky had to rub her eyes when she walked into the kitchen to see her mom sitting at the table reading a film review. Nina was out on the balcony with her phone wedged between her ear and shoulder a cigarette held close to her mouth. Nate was starring at Dan as he flipped eggs and tried to give him advice. Dan ignored him as Blair listed off exhibits that were opening at MOMA.

"You're such a boy," Blair teased Dan when heard his choice of exhibit. "This is Joseph Beuys all over again!"

"Oh you're such a girl!" Dan placed a plate of breakfast in front of her. She dug in without saying thank-you and Nicky watched them with a smirk as her dad tapped his foot in front of her.

"What?" she looked up with her mouth full. "Oh god, Humphrey are you waiting for a 'thank-you' " he eyelashes fluttered before they rolled.

"I'm trying to raise a well behaved little girl in this apartment so I'd appreciate you follow the rules to set a good example"

"she's not even here..." she smirked.

"I don't care," he shrugged.

"Thank-you!" she finally gave in.

"Yeah, yeah" he went back to his pan.

Nate sat down beside Blair. "What are we having?" he leaned over and picked a piece of bacon of Blair's plate.

"Move your hand before I stab you with my fork Archibald,"

"Here," Dan handed him his own plate. As Nate began to eat his breakfast he was completely focused with the food as Dan and Blair continued to bicker. Nicky wondered if she was dreaming.

"Humphrey, would you just put aside your male ego for one afternoon,"

"You don't need to have a male ego to hate the idea of a pressed flower art exhibit," his eyes narrowed. "I bet Nina would think that was stupid too,"

"Nina thinks everything is stupiiidddd!," Blair sung.

"I'm not going. It sounds like a waste of an afternoon," Dan was stubborn with Blair's choice. "Radical advertising is so much more..."

"It's tired and over done..."

"Then 'art for carnivores'..."

"So very Lady Gaga..., c'mon, we're taking Nicky. Pressed flowers is going to be lovely,"

"Fine," Dan sighed.

"When she grows up and decides she wants to be a hippie for six months you can take her to galleries that exhibit meat..." she made a retching sound then resolved into a hum. She smiled at Dan sarcastically and he smiled back.

Nicky smiled and walked into the kitchen. "You're home! Good morning my love" Blair hugged her tightly and pressed a kiss to her head. "How was your night?" she pulled back her wavy strands and tucked them behind her little ears. Dan lowered his head and pressed a kiss on Nicky's cheek.

"You want pancakes?" Dan asked. Nicky ignored him as her eyes fell to her mom.

"Did you sleep here?" Nicky asked seeing she was wearing the same dress from the day before.

"Yes," Blair didn't even consider lying to her. "Daddy and I watched a movie and I fell asleep," she answered honestly.

"Hey Bud," Nina greeted Nicky.

"Nina you want something?" Dan asked with his spatula in the air.

"Hmm," she looked around the kitchen. "...carbs, carbs, fat, and more carbs,...no thank-you." she smiled sarcastically.

"I can make you something else," he offered politely.

"I'm fine Hump," she assured him

When Blair was on her way out the door she reminded Dan to write down their exhibit viewing on his calendar. "It's the day we get back from the Hamptons," she gestured to Nicky. "Honestly, you should come,"

"Oh, I can't," he shook his head.

_I can't go to the Hampton's with Blair. It sounds like a good idea but it's not. Instead of enjoying the moment I will just be reminded of what I no longer have_ -Dan

**XOXOXOXO**

**Review please! **Again, this chapter was going to be like 40,000 words long so I decided to just post this because i'm really busy right now. I hope you don't think it's a cop out or that it's not moving fast enough. This was another chapter that had to happen to tie up loose ends. I'm pretty sure i'm done with DB from the past now. I have some stuff saved but it's a bit much and I don't want to drag it on. -FQ


	23. Kiss Me

**A/N: **I didn't mean to say there would be no more flashbacks. I meant to say there would be no more Dan and Blair fighting flashbacks pertaining to a specific and touchy topic. There will be flashbacks. I need to see a show of hands of who would be okay with me writing a few flashback chapters. I'm fine with combining the two but I do have a lot of flashbacks to get to and it might be easier to just give them all at once. I'm asking you because you're loyal and deserve to call some of the shots! Kinda fluffy at times, sorry. and I edited so quickly and I may have made more errors than usual, again sorry. Enjoy!

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**Q&A:**

**1.** **Guest Asked:** Could you please clearly tell me if you are preparing happy ending for them?

**FQ: **I can't, if you PMed me I could answer but I can't spoil the whole fic for readers that don't like spoilers.

2. **Guest asked:** After much heartbreak, they had a lovely family and again, it's understandable (Dan) doesn't want reminding of that dark period by going to the Hamptons with them. What will change his position?

**FQ: **You'll see this chapter.

3. **Guest Asked: **How many chapters are you anticipating?

**FQ: **Iwant to say,...5 or 6. But I'm not completely sure because I need to make sure everything links up so it could take me a few chapters to sort some things out.

** 4. Guest: **My biggest fear at the moment is that you will tire of updating this fic and leave the story unfinished.

**FQ: **You'll be okay ;)

**'KISS ME'**

**BY: Sixepense none the richer**

**From: She's all that. **

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

He took the same seat he always takes, the one furthest from the door so he can't run like he wants to. Soon all the seats are full the pressure is on. He's just as nervous as he was the very first time. There are many new faces and he feels uncomfortable. When a familiar bearded face squeezes his shoulder supportively he feels safe and knows he's where he should be-where he needs to be. Once everyone is there, he walks to the front of the room. Looking at all the people he takes a deep breath and begins.

"My name is Dan and i'm an addict,"

Each and every time he says it, it sounds surreal.

",...I'm also a writer, a publishing agent, a son, a brother, a father, and I _used_ to be a husband," he said. "I apologize, this is not going to sound as eloquent as I had hoped for my first time speaking. I didn't write anything down,..." he looked a little flustered and not sure where to go from there.

"Um,..it started out as something that was going to be temporary. My work was piling up, I was putting pressure on myself to write the next great novel and the deadlines for that were demanding and near impossible so _naturally_,..." he said sarcastically, "I turned to cocaine,..." he let out a soft laugh at how sad the reality of this was.

"I thought, well they use it on TV all the time, people can do it on the weekend in movies, I can do it too. It started with once every couple days and that turned into multiple times a day by only the third week," he looked up. "That's all it took," he took a breath and looked around the room again. "Three weeks and it owned me,"

"The allure of this particular narcotic was in it's ability to help me function, stay up late and hold focus, but it enticed in other ways because it turned me into someone I didn't recognize and I found that immensely attractive. I tried everything I could to help me make art. I looked everywhere for inspiration, I listened to music, read other authors work, went for walks, runs, sat in the park for hours, spoke with other writers, I tried starving my body of sleep thinking I might get into some kind of delirious state that would help me write my book. I tried drinking energy drinks for the stimulation. I went to marijuana and while it gave me ideas, I could never execute them because it made me lazy and unmotivated." He took a breath and thought about what he wanted to say next.

"For a long time I didn't think I had a problem. I didn't notice I was doing anything wrong. But I took money out of my daughter's trust fund so my wife didn't notice. I snuck around, I stayed out late. I was irritated most of the time and frustrated. When she found out she really tried to make it seem like it wasn't that big of a deal. Sure she was angry and she was upset and sad but she had this defense mechanism that told her I was not an addict, I just had a temporary problem that would go away eventually. No one tells you that when you really are clean that your relationship might unravel even more than when you're actually using. She expected me to go right back to normal after two weeks of rehab, she expected me to stop going to these meetings and just go back to my old life. I'm in no way saying this is her fault, I'm sure if I was in her place i'd think the same thing."

" 'Just stop, just don't think about it, just pretend it never happened, you're not an addict,'...it became as if the rehab and the these meetings," he tapped on the podium, "...were my sin. It was almost easier when I was using because then it was fair for her to call me a junkie but when I was going to these meetings and getting help,...well those were the activities that made me a junkie in her eyes and that's what hurt me the most. I was supposed to just move on with my life and I can't. If I could now,... I wouldn't be here. Not a week goes by where I don't consider using, not a day goes by where I think about how I ruined my life for something without value. The money my novel made doesn't even begin to compare with what I lost. Drugs didn't make me a better writer, it wasn't a quick fix. It ended my relationship, that spanned over a decade, in under five months.

"It took me three stays in rehab facilities before I could really stop and get to this place of being clean for over a year. And I consider myself lucky in that respect. I know some people are in and out of rehab their entire lives. I can't even say for certain I won't ever end up there again," he said honestly with a shrug. "I don't know if I can even say I won't end up there in the next couple of years,...I don't think I can trust myself that far down the road. "

**XOXOXOXOX**

**Flashback**

When Blair realized it was time to pick up Nicky from school, she pulled herself off the bathroom floor and wiped her eyes. She stood in front of a mirror with as much dignity as she could muster for a grown woman who just bawled like a baby on a bathroom floor. She rinsed off her face in the sink and then applied some light makeup to ensure Nicky wouldn't ask what was wrong. Blair didn't make it to the school before another set of vicious unceasing sobs emerged. She called Nate and asked him to pick up her daughter from school using the excuse that she had been called into a meeting. As soon as she had confirmation that he daughter was going to be safely collected from school, she went straight to Nina's.

"Call him!" Nina urged. "Call him right now!"

"He won't answer," she closed her eyes and tried to relax while curled up on Nina's bed. She kept taking deep, steady breaths to prevent a panic attack.

"Yes he will. You call him or I will," she pushed her cell-phone into Blair's face.

"I don't know what to say to him," she turned and mumbled into the pillow.

"Try,...I don't want to get divorced. It was a stupid idea that I didn't think through..."

"You should have seen his face Nina,..." she sat up. "He doesn't want me anymore," she said calmly. "He's done with me," she frowned. "How can I tell him he needs to stay when he just wants to go?"

"Can you please explain what happened again? because i'm having a hard time understanding what made you jump to this ridiculous decision that you need to end your marriage,...you told me not to envy your relationship and since then it's been fight after fight,...you staying here, Dan staying with Nate, Dan sleeping on the goddamn couch,...what the hell did he do to you?"

"We've just grown apart," she answered quickly.

"In a few months?"

"Yes," she turned away fearing that if Nina pried any more she might just expose something she didn't want Dan to have to explain. "Nothing is the same, we fell out of love,"

"Blair, you're sitting here in obvious distress over this. Don't tell me you fell out of love,"

Nina left Blair to chill out while she called Dan. "Nina?" Dan questioned.

"I have something of yours here. I think you should come and get her,"

Dan arrived less than twenty minutes later. Not without his doubts he took a deep breath before entering Nina's room and seeing Blair curled up in a ball. Blair sat up completely alarmed by his presence, she tucked her hair behind her ears and starred at him. "You want to come home with me?" he asked gently as he approached her slowly.

"...Umm," she shrugged. "Yes,...I really do!" she reached up and wrapped her arms around him, Dan sat down and rubbed up her back for a couple minutes. In an instant she was comforted and felt as though she could relax. Moments later they walked into their apartment and past the couch set up with blankets and pillows and headed straight for their bedroom where they laid side by side.

"I'm going to do anything I can to support you," Blair said with a hand on his face.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**THREE DAYS LATER**

"I'm really nervous," he took a deep breath. "I've never brought anyone before," Blair didn't say anything she took a seat beside him and placed her purse on her lap fearing the floor was filthier than it looked. "I've never spoken in front of the entire room before," Dan glanced over to see Blair looking more uncomfortable than she had in her entire life, and this girl had been forced to ride the subway before. Her eyes were wide and cautious of all the people that started to fill the awful, florescent lit room. With her eyes still scanning the room she grabbed for Dan's hand and gave it a gentle and supportive squeeze. "Thank-you," he said quietly, completely shocked that she made this gesture. The leader of the group, Tom, an older gentleman in a leather jacket with a long beard, mentioned that Dan had brought someone with him tonight and he was going to finish off the session as the last speaker. Blair was thankful that she brought tissues after the third person spoke. She was more uncomfortable as she heard stories that shocked her and situations that made her fear what Dan was about to reveal.

As Dan got up in front of the room he smiled at the people he had gotten to know, the people that looked at him free of judgement, the people that genuinely cared about his progress and gave him positive reinforcement every single week.

The anticipation was disheartening. Blair felt her face feel hot and her head spin to the point of it being unbearable. The second Dan spoke she felt nauseous.

"...I'm Dan and i'm an addict," the moment he said the words, he looked up to see Blair stand and let herself out of the room with slow but loud, high-heel clomps. Her shoes echoed through the room and continued down the hall. "Uhm,..." he starred at her empty seat for a moment as his eyes filled with despair and helplessness. Blair was the one and only person he wanted support from and she left him. "I'm sorry," he sniffed trying to will himself to continue. "For a long time I didn't think I had a problem,..." He blinked to keep the tears in when the leader of the group stood and rested his hand on Dan's shoulder.

"It's okay," he nodded. Dan's face twisted before he lifted his hands and covered his face in shame."I'm really sorry," he squeaked and wiped his eyes and exited the room. He walked the length of the hall looking for Blair but couldn't find her. When he made it towards the exit door Tom had stopped him.

"Dan,..." he said gently.

"I'm sorry," Dan apologized again wiping at his eyes over and over. "I think i'm just going to go home,"

"That's fine. You know that no one is keeping you here," he said supportively.

"Maybe I can't,..." he swallowed. "Maybe I shouldn't do this anymore," his eyes glanced at the door.

"Do you think you're ready to stop attending?"

"...No," he shook his head.

"You need support and this is a good place for it,... if you're not getting it at home," Tom tried to be subtle.

"Yeah," Dan nodded, more than understanding his insinuation. "Thank-you,"

When he walked outside it was dark already and Blair was clearly sitting in the passenger seat of their car. He got into the car and didn't say anything. Blair turned her body in her seat so she could stare out her window. The drive was long and quiet, Dan had a lump in his throat the entire time. He didn't know whether to be upset with her or disappointed in her. Blair took off her seatbelt before Dan even parked the car so it dinged with warning for about a minute. He put the car in park and she was already out and heading towards the lobby door before he even took his seatbelt off. It took Dan two whole hours of silence to pack up a bag and dig out the papers they had put on the back-burner.

"Blair," he walked into a bedroom they used to call 'theirs' but currently she was using it as 'hers'. "I'm going to leave tonight," he said solemnly while starring down at the floor.

"Yeah, I was just thinking maybe you could stay at Nate's tonight," she looked up from her book pleased that they had agreed. Dan's lips parted wanting to question what he did to deserve this treatment. Why did he have to leave because she couldn't support him? how was this his fault?

"No, i'm going to leave and,...i'm _not_ going to come back," he said sadly but with complete affirmation. There was no way she could change his mind now.

"You're not coming back tonight?"

"I'm not coming back ever," he explained.

Blair starred at him like she was frozen. When he pulled the papers out and showed her that he really wanted to go through with the divorce she huffed with a small snort. "Okay," she shrugged a little to show she wasn't fazed.

"Uhm,..." Dan's lips twitched a little upset that she couldn't say anything else.

"You're going to have to tell Nicky," she sung lightly with ease and slipped off the bed. Dan stood still while Blair opened drawers in the bathroom, looking for her lipstick. "I'm not telling her," she opened closed a drawer with a loud slam.

"I was thinking i'll come over tomorrow and we can both tell her," he watched Blair apply her lipstick carefully.

"If you think that's the best way to do it. But her birthday is coming up so maybe it would be wise to wait until after that?" she pressed her lips together to insure they were coated evenly.

"Okay," Dan swallowed, looking at the woman he loved so much and realizing that he was really leaving this time was so painful he felt like he couldn't breathe. For a man of many words, not a single word would come to him. His eyes fluttered and he wanted to change his mind but he couldn't live like this anymore.

"So are you going?" Blair looked up at him as if she was wondering why he was still there.

**XOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

Dan sat at his desk starring at his computer screen and drinking coffee from a mug Nicky had painted when she was four. It had a technicolor mess of paint strokes that amounted to nothing in particular, no shape, no object just wild and expressive. Blair had painted 'daddy' on it for her and presented it to him as abstract expressionism by their genius, little girl. He just got home from his NA meeting and liked to unwind by either reading or doing a little writing. It had been five days since Nicky left with Blair to the Hamptons and they would be there another nine days. He had been quite lonely and wondered if he should have just taken the risk and joined his daughter and ex wife. Nate and Nina were going just like they did every year, no one even considered staying back to keep him company. He went out with some guys from work, he visited his dad. Surely they could have found another place for him to sleep. It would be nice and familiar spending time at the Hampton beach house with Blair's family that he still considered his own. There was something about the level of noise, the energy that pulsed through the enormous heavily windowed home. Aaron and Laura's boys playing soccer with Nate and doing canon balls off the pool's diving board. Blair and Eleanor sitting at the kitchen table bickering over colour swatches and fabrics, heading off to the boutiques during the day with Nicky. Cyrus constantly trying to give everyone advice. The long running joke about things being kosher and their little family all cuddled up in one room for the night. Besides the multi million dollar estate, it felt so common and domestic, just like his grandparent's cottage he grew up with. The way he was feeling about himself right now attributed to the way he decided to spend his free time and cut the loneliness.

"You going to spend all night in there?" a female voice asked as she knocked on his door whole slowly opening it. Dan's daydreams floated away and he looked over at the blonde.

"Thinking about it," he answered. Gillian walked up behind his chair and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"How was your meeting?" she kissed his cheek.

"It was okay,"

"When do you think you'll want me to come with you?."

"I don't know," he rested his hand over hers. "You didn't seem to keen at first,"

"Can we please put that in the past? I wasn't thinking straight. So, you're complicated and probably not the perfect guy I thought you were but no one is perfect. You're layered and complex. I can dig it," she giggled lightly into his ear. "Now come out to the kitchen and have some ice cream with me, maybe it'll cheer you up,"

Dan had one spoonful of ice cream before he put the bowl on the coffee table, not in the mood. "Are you always like this after meetings?"

"You can go if i'm not entertaining enough," he sighed.

"It's just a question," she said calmly with a soft smile. Dan almost hated she didn't react abrasively, she was the complete opposite of Blair in that respect.

"I mean,...I feel good after. But I feel sad too because every week I have to relive it and remind myself what i've done,"

"I understand," she nodded starring into her bowl.

"But we can lighten the mood," Dan suggested. "I was thinking about taking Nicky and Lucas to the MET when she gets back from the Hamptons,"

"Oh that sounds like fun," she smiled. "I was also thinking,...maybe you could just take Lucas out sometime?"

"What do you mean?"

"Just have some bonding time with him you know? and that way Nicky and I can have some bonding time of our own," she smiled proud of her idea.

"...When I have her I like to spend that time with her," Dan laughed a little, confused by her suggestion.

"You have her all the time," Gillian spooned more ice cream into her mouth.

"It doesn't feel that way to me," Dan contemplated. "I used to see her everyday, wake up with her face every single day and so now it doesn't really feel like I see her all the time,"

"Well instead of being sad and lonely we should just remind ourselves that when our children are with their other parents,...we're here alone," she put her bowl on the coffee table and snuggled into him.

"Yeah," he said with little enthusiasm. Gillian went in for a kiss that Dan didn't return, after a few more he kissed back lightly. After a little while she got brave and began to unbutton his pants, Dan didn't stop her and she smiled.

"It's been a long time since we did this,"

"Yeah," he agreed.

As Gillian did some prep work, palming him, she began some dirty talk. "Can you stop," his eyes squinted.

"What you don't like dirty talk?"

"No," he answered gruffly. Dan didn't want to tell her that he loved dirty talk but she was just terrible at it.

"This isn't working," she pouted. "What do you think is wrong with you?" she asked.

"I guess i'm not in the mood," he moved away from her.

"Has it ever happened before?"

"Yeah,.." he lied.

"With Blair?"

Dan hated Gillian's insecurity over Blair more than anything. Not because she wasn't right to be insecure but because it made him compare the two every time she brought it up. Blair coming out on top every time was making this relationship difficult for him.

"Dan? with Blair? did you have any troubles getting hard with Blair?" she asked again.

"Yeah,...maybe once or,..." Once. He could only recall one time and chuckled at the memory and context.

"Why did you just laugh?" she asked seriously.

"No reason," he bit his bottom lip to contain his smile.

"You're making me feel sad,"

"I'm sorry," he tried to stop smiling.

"Maybe we can try in bed?"

"I don't think that's a good idea,"

"C'mon. I have lingerie,"

"What kind?" he asked.

"Nice stuff...real nice stuff," she tried to entice him.

"I just kind of want to read," he said reaching for his book.

"What are you reading?"

"It's just some research for work. About a couple vacationing in Barcelona,"

"Have you ever been to Barcelona?" she asked even though Dan obviously wanted peace and quiet. Without taking his eyes off the page he answered, "Twice,"

"Speak any Italian?" she asked.

"You mean Spanish?" Dan asked correcting her.

"That's what I meant," she said quickly.

"Just some conversational stuff that got me through," he didn't lift his eyes from the page. "Blair speaks it really well actually,"

"Oh," she sat up straight. "Well, I just finished reading '50 shades of grey'..."

"You what?" he took his eyes off his book and burst into laughter.

"Why I don't look like the type?" she asked amused by his laughter and proud of her admission.

"That book came out like ten years ago and you just read it now?"

"Well I heard some bad things," she shrugged getting up on to her knees. "I thought maybe it would be too much for me but it was great, brought out the sex kitten in me," Dan covered his mouth trying not to laugh at her attempt to sound like she was experienced in S&M when really she probably had never even been spanked in her life. This was Florida all over again.

"Stop laughing," she giggled thinking Dan was being cute when really he was judging her and enjoying himself to a fault.

"So hypothetically,..." he rubbed his lips trying to act serious, and also concealing his smile.

"Oh no what are you going to ask?,..." her shoulders fell.

"Just a hypothetical question. If I told you that I have a pair of handcuffs,..."

"Oh my god you do?"

Dan blinked at her like she was the antithesis of all that was good in the world. "I can't believe you have handcuffs, are you asking me if I want to use them?" The shock in her voice and face was something Dan couldn't believe. There were actual girls like this in the world. He had been so immersed in his life with Blair he didn't realize this type of close mindedness and judgment existed in today's world. He was so used to Blair and Nina being the type of women to just tell a guy what they wanted and not be embarrassed or scared to speak their mind, not afraid to experiment, try new things.

"I guess that's what you get for working at Cosmo,..." she made it sound dirty.

"What would you think of me if I told you,...I have kegel balls" he thought if he was going to shock her he might as well go all the way and see how sheltered she really was.

",...Do you actually?" she looked scared, her voice dropped an octave and she looked like she had trouble swallowing.

"Mhmm," Dan affirmed seriously.

Gillian's eyes darted around the room. "Do you like have a torture room or something?"

"No!" his eyes widened. "I'm not into S&M, I'm not into it at all but i'm open to things and,.."

"I'm open to things," she played coy.

"Like what?" Dan leaned back and closed his eyes feeling like this couldn't get worse.

"Like maybe,...like felatio?"

"You're so adventurous!" Dan said sarcastically before going back to his magazine.

"Or maybe I don't know,...you could give me felatio for once?"

"What!?" Dan's eyes flew open. "WHAT!?" he asked again bursting into laughter thinking Blair would have a field day with this.

"It's fine,...Lucas' dad never wanted to do it either,"

"No, Gill,...no," he shook his head. "Thats not what you,...nevermind," it was now that he looked back on his two sessions with Gillian and understood why it was missionary and pitch dark. He vaguely remembered that she wore her bra too.

"So what you only want to have sex if we use handcuffs and metal balls?"

"Where did you come to that conclusion?," he closed his book and looked at her.

"Do you have any more weird fetishes?"

"I don't have weird fetishes,...you just,... Wow you really make yourself out to be a completely different person,"

"What do you mean?"

"Like in playgroup you came across as really open minded and experienced,"

"Maybe I was trying to impress you," she confessed sadly.

",...You don't have to impress me okay?" he leaned over and kissed her gently.

"Okay," she smiled gently. "So, if you just want to stay in and read, would you mind driving me to Steph's so I don't have to take a cab?"

"I find it so funny you're all still good friends,"

"Why?" she asked.

"Because your kids aren't really friends anymore but you've all kept this bond,"

"We spent everyday together for over two years," she reminded him. "So will you drive me? they might want to see you? it's been awhile,"

"I'll drive you," he agreed.

**XOXOXOX**

"Thank-you," Gillian praised him for driving her less than two blocks over to Steph's apartment. "Thank-you so much sweetie,"

"Kay," he tried to pull from her grasp. She stuck her lips out and looked as Steph and the other girls made their way out of the lobby and hailed a cab that would be taking them to their bar of choice.

"Can I have another one?" she asked seeing that her friends were observing. He leaned in quickly and brushed his lips against hers. "I'll see you tonight?"

"Maybe tomorrow?" he offered instead.

"Okay!" she smiled. "I'll make you dinner!" she smiled brightly at her great idea. "I can make a roast!,"

"You don't have to go to that trouble, really,..."

"Don't be silly! You probably haven't had a homemade dinner since,...Oh wait, Blair didn't cook did she? you're due for a great homemade meal!"

"Umm,..."

"I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Okay,..." she pressed her lips against his again then slipped out of the car.

"Bye Dan!" the ladies waved.

"Bye," he waved politely before getting out of there.

"Oh my god Gill," Stephanie's jaw fell open while she made her way towards them.

"Don't stare!,...don't!" she said through clenched teeth as Dan sped away.

"My god, you always get what you want don't you?"

"I honestly didn't believe you at first!" Tina commented.

"Was that not enough proof for you?" Joanne sassed her friend.

When they were seated at a high table in a downtown pub, the girls asked continuous questions about how Dan and Blair's marriage ended.

"We should have made a real bet!,...we all knew that wouldn't last," Stephanie lifted her martini glass and gulped.

"Everything is so amazing. I've never felt like this before. I always thought I was so happy with my husband but this is like,...I can't even explain how right this feels. I knew right away. We're planning on going to Barcelona next year. Dan speaks a little Spanish and it's so sexy,"

"Tell us more about that,"

"Handcuffs," she smirked.

"You're kidding!"

"Not even a little bit! but he prefers sex without. He's such a love maker,..."

"God could he be any more perfect?"

"He told me he wants to take Lucas out so they can have bonding time!" she gushed. "He's so amazing. And now I can have my time with Nicky. She's getting to that age now where I think it'll be so beneficial for her to have a woman in her life that's so easy to talk to. You know? her mom isn't exactly the most comfortable person to go to with problems or questions about _girl_ things,"

**XOXOXOXOX**

"Did you also floss?" Blair asked Nicky when she exited the washroom and jumped into the king size bed with her mom. They had a long day at the beach house. Their day started at eight am when they had breakfast with Eleanor on the back patio. After that they spent their entire morning looking through boutiques and purchasing unique pieces. They went to the beach, they swam, they sun bathed and after dinner, that they helped Cyrus create, they had a fire where they roasted marshmallows.

"Yes," Nicky answered.

"You're a little rosy. Let's remember to use more sunscreen tomorrow if you're going to be in the pool all day again," she hugged her and smelled her hair that was permeated with the smell of camp fire.

"Mommy, can we continue the conversation we were having this afternoon?"

"We'll talk about it when the time comes okay? when you're older and we know if you're mature and smart about it. Baby, we can't talk you out of something if you want to do it. We're just here to guide you and hope you make smart, safe decisions," she ran a hand through her daughter's hair. "Even _this_ conversation is too early for me. It's starting to make me feel a little sick actually,..." she pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I'm only curious because some parents are telling their kids that they have to wait until they're married. I know that you didn't so I wanted to know if you had the same reservations about me,"

"To be perfectly honest i'd like to say the same. But I can't because it wont be my decision. Don't ask daddy any this okay?"

"Macy got her period yesterday," Nicky disclosed.

"She did?" Blair almost cringed.

"Yeah she texted me. She's excited,"

"Oh my god she's only ten,..." Blair frowned about how fast her daughter was growing up and thinking about this was starting to depress her.

"When do you think I will?"

"...Oh baby don't wish for that. Once it happens,...it never stops happening until you're like Grandma Eleanor's age and it's not fun. Let's hope you got that gene from aunt Jenny because when Waldorf women menstruate it's like a mini apocalypse,"

"What does that mean?" she questioned slightly amused.

"The PMS is terrible. Mood swings, cravings, very irritable, very anxious,...it's all around horrible,"

"I'm not wishing for it. I just know it's going to happen so I'm curious about when,"

"Probably when you're out with uncle Nate because he's walking bad-luck," she chuckled.

Nicky found this hilarious. "He would probably take me to the hospital!"

"I would not put it past him," Blair laughed. "I'll make you a little bag of necessities to keep in your purse just in case okay?," she hugged her tightly and kissed her temple.

"Okay," she seemed appeased. "What happens to boys to indicate they have become men?"

"..." Blair made a face. "Boys are disgusting Nicky,"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"Well hello," Eleanor opened the door with a bright smile and wrapped her arms around him. "Now this is a surprise...How are you darling?"

"I'm good," he nodded as he reveled in Eleanor's embrace not realizing how much he missed this. "I thought i'd come hang out for the day," Eleanor beamed, pleased with his last minute decision to visit.

"Only the day?" Cyrus walked over. "Not enough!" he pulled Dan into a hug.

"How did I know you were going to say that?" Dan placed his sunglasses on his head then hugged Cyrus and patted him on the back.

"Hey Uncle Dan!" Liam leaned against the banister from up the stairs.

"Hey buddy," he looked up.

"What are you doing here?" Blair's eyes were wide and skeptical as she floated into the foyer in a bathing suit cover, large sunglasses on her head.

"I thought i'd come and kick these guy's butts at soccer," he gestured to the boys who all walked over to greet him. "Toss this one in the pool," he noticed Nicky.

"Daddy!" Nicky bolted towards him, getting in between her parents, he lifted her up.

**XOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"Nicky said 'dada' today, clear as a bell. She said it to Dorota but that's beside the point," she wrapped her arms around him.

"Maybe she was trying to say Dorota?" Dan deadpanned as Blair continued to show him affection.

"Why would she do that?" Blair shrugged and pursed her perfectly shaped lips hoping he would kiss them. Dan obliged and provided a long lingering kiss.

"I want another one," she pursed them again and he laughed before leaning in again.

"How was speech writing?" she asked with a soft content sigh.

"Good. I still want you to read it over, but I think it's pretty good," he handed her his notebook.

"While I read this, you wanna see how she likes the pool?" she pressed her lips together looking excited.

"You haven't put her in yet?"

"I had my hair blown out for tonight," she excused herself. "I was waiting for you,"

"So far her day has consisted of pulling Winston's tail and starring as Matthew screamed his head off. It's actually quite entertaining. She looks at him like he's insane and then she looks at us wondering if we know what's wrong with him," she ushered him out to the back patio.

"Look who I found," Blair announced as she pulled Dan out into the bright sunlight. Everyone looked up and greeted him warmly. But no one as warmly as the furriest member of their family.

"Uh oh!" Dan hurried over to Winston before he knocked over the babies. "Hey buddy," He scratched behind his ears and Blair watched with a grin. Dan looked over to see Nicky who was trying to crawl. He plopped himself down on the picnic blanket she and his nephew who was only a few months older than Nicky, were sitting on. "Hello!" he smiled at the babies.

"Did you finish your speech?" Cyrus asked.

"Well it's as good as it's going to get. It's now in Blair's capable hands," he smiled as she walked around the patio looking for a place to read with a red pen in her hand.

Nicky stuck her chubby little hand in her snack cup and held out some tiny pieces of fruit to Dan. With seriousness in her face, her eyes starred at his lips as she tried her very best to get them in his mouth. "One for me, one for you," he chewed. Nicky fed herself one, then went back to the task of feeding her dad. Everyone thought it was funny but Blair who put her hands on her hips.

"Dan!," she whined. " that's disgusting..." she sighed watching Nicky continue to force feed him squished berries and soggy crackers that she probably already licked.

"Okay I'm full," he pulled her little hand away from his mouth. "You eat that, that's for you!...okay one more!" he made a growling noise and took it from her outstretched hand while kissing her little fingers and palm furiously. She giggled in delight and threw her head back with amusement. When she stopped laughing she offered him another, that's when Blair scooped her up.

"You're taking her swimming,"

**XOXOXOX**

_The summer before Nicky was born was the last time they had ever spent at Dan's grandparents cottage. After that, Eleanor rented out a beach house in the Hamptons for the whole family. _

_Blair smugly loved the way Dan ignored all his nephews after Nicky was born. She was only about nine months old when they first started going there for summer vacation. Usually Dan and Nate would rough house with the boys in the pool, Blair was surprised to find his time with the young boys diminish as he had found someone else to play with. Blair almost felt sad that uncle Dan's usual undivided attention was compromised but watching him wade in the water with their baby was too precious._

**XOXOXOX**

Laura slathered her older boys in sunscreen then Aaron helped them with their water wings before tossing them in the water. "You should really wait until the sunscreen dries..." Blair looked over nearly appalled while she secured Nicky's sun hat and watched with anticipation as Dan carefully brought her into the sparking, blue water. The boys were splashing each-other and Blair made a face.

"Don't splash the baby," Dan warned as he watched his daughter blink wildly at the cold spray of water and feared she might start to cry.

"Liam stop," he pushed on Liam's pool noodle so he floated away from the baby.

Jacob moved closer to her and made funny faces. Dan watched him carefully, Nicky squealed happily so Dan let him stay.

"Hi baby!" Blair looked up from Dan's notebook and waved at her happy daughter who seemed to love the water. "Do you like swimming?" she asked as she sat down at the edge of the pool and dipped her toes in.

"She seems to," Dan rubbed his eye as she smacked the water and amused herself.

"How come the baby is allowed to splash?" Liam asked Dan who blinked to Blair in annoyance. Blair leaned over to Dan.

"We're turning into those people that only like their own kid..." Blair joked while rubbing his shoulder.

"I don't care," he shrugged causing her to laugh and give him a playful push.

"You got so much sun," Blair leaned in for a kiss.

"Uncle Dan when Nate gets here can we have a soccer game?" Dan pulled his lips off Blair's.

Blair raised her eyebrows to him. "She'll be napping by then?" Dan asked Blair.

"Mhmm," she nodded.

"Yes, absolutely," he answered Liam. "I'll play soccer with you when she's having a nap okay?"

"Okay!"

"What did I just say?," Dan looked over. "...stop splashing the baby,"

Nicky started poking Dan in the chest right where his tattoo was. "Do you like that?" he asked her. "That's mummy," he explained. "Mummy," he tapped himself.

"Yeah because that's not going to confuse her at all,..." Blair commented.

"Mama," Nicky said causing Dan to groan.

When nap time came, Dan ended up falling asleep right beside her. When she woke up he brought her into the kitchen where my mother and I were discussing fabrics. We couldn't help but talk a little work even when we were on vacation. "I think you missed your game," Blair got up with a smile and took the baby from Dan.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" he asked.

"I couldn't, you had a baby on your chest, was i supposed to ruin her nap just so you could play soccer?"

"They'll have another game tomorrow," Eleanor appeased him.

"We should start getting ready," Blair handed the baby off to Eleanor.

"Are you going to stay here with grandma?" Eleanor asked the baby with a soft coo in her voice.

"We're going to change and we'll be back," Blair grabbed Dan's hand and brought him into their bedroom. Several moments later Blair appeared in a gorgeous black dress with cap sleeves. Everything about it fit her perfectly, and gave her the perfect female silhouette.

"You look amazing," Cyrus smiled up at her.

"Thank-you," she beamed while going over to her baby and giving her an eskimo kiss. "No, no, no," she dragged a long chunk of her hair out of Nicky's vice grip of a hand. "Mummy needs her hair,"

"Put her down at eight but if she's alert and doesn't seem cranky I suppose you can keep her up until nine. We'll probably be out late so if she sleeps in a little that would be wonderful," she attempted to put her own necklace on.

"Here let me help you," Cyrus fastened the diamond collar on her neck then asked if he wanted her to take off the other one.

"If you don't mind," He placed the other necklace in her hand and Blair held on to it until Dan walked into the foyer in his tux adjusting his tie.

Blair dangled the chain in front of Dan's face.

"Yepp," He cupped his hand to receive the necklace then dropped it gently in the front pocket of his suit jacket just like he had several times before.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

_Dan won an award for signing more successful novelists than any other in the history of the company that first summer we had Nicky. Everyone laughed at his well delivered speech that was compelling, poignant and made him in instant favourite amongst his peers. I loved watching him up at the podium. He was confident and so thrilled to be honored in this way. I snapped pictures of him with my phone like a pageant mom. I couldn't help myself, I was so proud of him. -BW_

As Dan was called up to the stage, she squeezed his arm supportively and leaned in for a soft kiss. As he approached the stage Blair rested her left hand on the table and starred at her wedding rings with satisfaction. Today she didn't care about being Blair Waldorf, today she just wanted to be Dan Humphrey's wife and even introduced herself as such to Dan's surprise. Today she was arm candy and more than happy to provide that service.

"That was great," Molly said while clapping with the rest of the crowd. She looked over at Blair once Dan was done and the next person was called up on to the stage. Blair continued clapping while she watched him descend the stage. "Blair, about that dinner,..."

"What dinner?"

"Matt and I want to invite you to our place for dinner next week. We have some things we want to,...,"

"In Brooklyn?" she made a face still watching Dan. "Just come to our place okay?"

"That sounds great!, should we bring anything?"

"Excuse me!" she ignored her and went to catch up with Dan.

"That was amazing," Blair leaned in and kissed him.

"Yeah?" he asked, genuinely caring about what she thought.

"Mhmm," she stumbled a little in her heels.

"You okay?" he laughed knowing she drank her glass of wine quickly and it went straight to her head.

"Fine. It was truly a well delivered speech. _You looked so sexy up there_," she smirked playing with his tie. "Molly probably creamed herself," she rolled her eyes.

"Ew," Dan blinked with a laugh.

"Good news is,...so did I,"

"Oooh?," he smirked at her dirty talk. "How much wine have you had?"

"Let's get a room" Blair whispered into his ear.

"You want to leave already? I thought we were going to,..." he wasn't catching on. "Okay well we can just get a cab and go back to the beach house," Dan wasn't catching on.

"_Have sex with me,_" she purred.

"..." Dan blinked at her forwardness. "_where?_" he asked quietly.

"_here_..." she moaned, pulling him by the hand. They came across a coat room that obviously wasn't being used since it was July. "Here looks good," she said seriously. Dan looked around taken aback by her forwardness but didn't want to object. He followed her in and she turned around so he could unzip her.

"We're going to get into so much trouble," Dan chuckled while working at the zipper of her dress, "We're going to,...," he paused. "Fuck!"

"Yes, as soon as you can get my dress off!" she giggled.

"No, I fucking ripped your dress," he was clearly upset and angry with himself.

"What?" her shoulders fell.

"The zipper got stuck and it,..."

"It's fine!"

"No now it won't come off at all," he tugged at the zipper again. "I'm probably going to have to cut you out of it when we get home,"

"Or rip me out of it,..." she shrugged and reached around.

"Blair it's Prable,..." he tilted his head knowing what that meant to her.

"Rip me out of this dress Humphrey," she ordered.

Ten minutes later they were both laughing while they danced with Dan discretely holding Blair's dress together at the back.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

"Bonjour!" Dan said the moment Eleanor approached the door hearing them stumble in.

"What in the world,..." she gestured to Blair's dress. "What in heavens happened to that dress?" she looked over at Dan who made a noise.

"MPh,...mph..." he was smirking and clearly trying not to laugh.

"It's a long story,...where's my baby?" she continued to walk ahead of them.

"How much have you had to drink?" Eleanor asked seeing her stumble.

"A bit," Blair answered. "Baby?" her eyebrows raised.

"What baby?" Eleanor started. "Oh,...I left her at an adoption agency, they pay well for the cute ones" Dan chuckled at Eleanor's attempt to scare Blair.

"Please don't joke about selling my baby" Blair continued. "It's tasteless and not as humorous as you think it is," she side eyed her mother.

"She's sleeping in our room," Eleanor followed behind Blair.

"I wanna wake her up and bring her with us," Blair leaned against the doorway and turned to Dan.

"do it" Dan smirked wanting to wake her just as much.

"I can't look how peaceful she is" Blair looked as Dan. "You do it,"

"Okay," he stepped closer.

"No you will not..." Eleanor convinced them it was a good idea to just let her sleep.

"Goodnight," Eleanor said as they walked themselves to their room.

"Hey, we're alone," Blair smiled once the door was closed.

"and?"

"How are you so dense?" she crawled up to him as he laid on the bed.

"Jesus, look at this dress," he laughed.

"All the better to remove..." she tugged it off in one swift motion.

After they laid together, Blair looked up at him, her chin on his chest. Dan reached for his sport jacket and pulled out Blair's necklace. She lifted her hair as he fastened it around her neck. "I'll probably wear this the rest of my life," she said softly while she ran her finger over the nameplate that rested on Dan's chest. Dan nodded gently,

"And when you're not, i'll have it in my pocket,"

Blair smiled at him adoringly. "We should put some clothes on. If we fall asleep like this, Nate and Nina might get an eyeful," she smiled.

"Nate and Nina? you're worried about Nate and Nina? Nate wakes up at noon and Nina would never walk in here after what happened last summer when she walked in on me getting out of the shower. I'd be more worried about your mom and Cyrus or even the boys,"

Blair giggled, "she gave me a high five after,"

"No she didn't,"

"Yes she did!" Blair laughed and kissed his chest.

**XOXOXOXOX**

Blair could hear the most adorable baby sounds when she woke up. Not being able to get up fast enough she tangled herself in the sheets and kicked Dan in the process. "Ow!"

She was over the moon when she saw that happy baby face."...HI BABY!" Blair practically shrieked when she saw Nicky who was sitting on a blanket and playing by the sliding glass doors while Cyrus cooked breakfast.

"Ma!," Nicky said lifting her little hands into the air. "Ma, ma, ma, ma!," Blair loved that she said mama first. She took so much pride in it, it started to bother Dan.

"She's been saying it all morning!" Eleanor said nearly annoyed.

"Since like seven am,..." Nina blinked more clearly annoyed. Blair rolled her eyes playfully wondering how anyone on earth could be annoyed by this perfect creature.

"Bonjour ma bebe. Maman vous manqué. Avez-vous faim?" Blair pulled her up into her arms and squeezed her tightly. "I missed you" she kissed her as the baby pressed her cheek closer.

"Aww," Cyrus commented on how affectionate Nicky was.

"I think this place is haunted," Nate rubbed his eyes.

"You are the most paranoid human being in the world," Nina dug into her grapefruit.

"No i'm serious. I couldn't even sleep last night. I kept hearing noises,"

"What kind of noises?" Eleanor looked mildly alarmed.

"Like knocking,..."

"Let me guess,...did it sound like a headboard hitting the wall?" Nina asked looking at Blair.

"I suppose,..." Nate thought.

"Come see daddy!" Blair quickly walked the baby into their bedroom to find Dan with his cellphone up to his ear. Blair frowned a little as Dan opened and closed his hand; waving to Nicky.

"_I swear, when we get home i'm buying an answering machine and no one is allowed to call my cell during vacation_," he said quietly with his hand covering the receiver.

"An answering machine? do people even have those anymore?" she said as Dan went back to his call. Nicky started poking Dan trying to get his attention, he smiled at her and kissed her cheek all the while still listening to Doug on his phone.

"Yeah I understand. Well, it sounds good to me but I won't know until I get back so,..."

Blair picked up the baby and told her to wave bye to Dan. "Daddy is busy. Let's have breakfast," she pulled her up into her arms.

"Da," she reached out to him. Dan looked up at Blair wide eyed.

"Oh my god," Blair looked at Nicky amazed. "Say it again!,...say dada!" she looked at her mom confused. "Say dada,"

"Dada," she reached out to Dan again struggling in Blair's grip.

"Doug I have to go!"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Blair was already on edge when Molly and her husband Matt had arrived. She hated this woman but put on her polite face thinking it was her duty to be the bigger person. It wasn't like she had done anything to deserve hate from Blair but something never felt right about her. She had a crush on Dan in University, she made him go to Chicago, she became affiliated with his company and Blair was always so convinced that it was not a coincidence like Dan tried to tell her it was.

"She has to come over the day we get back from the Hamptons?" Blair groaned. "It almost defeats the purpose of a vacation! i'm going to have to go on vacation after this dinner!" she complained.

"Calm down, it's just a dinner,"

"We haven't even unpacked!" she looked pissed but her face resolved to a sweet smile when she walked out to the dining-room to join their guests.

"Look at this sweet baby," Molly showed Matt pictures that Dan had pulled out at her request. "I wish we came earlier so we could see her," she commented.

"Well she had a long day and I didn't want to keep her up any longer," she poured herself more wine. "So why don't we cut to the chase," Blair began while Molly looked through pictures of Nicky. "You're here because you want Dan to read your manuscript?,"

"Blair,..." Dan felt like she was being rude.

"No, that's not exactly what why we're here," she smiled gently and looked to Matt.

"Umm, we're actually looking to start a family ourselves,..." Molly smiled. Blair immediately considered the worst thinking maybe Molly wanted to arrange marriages for their children. "and it's not going so well. First, we thought it would be nice to talk to people that went through similar problems,..."

"What problems exactly?" Blair was just as confused as Dan.

"We've had some testing done and unfortunately, Matt is sterile,"

"Oh i'm sorry," Blair said genuinely sad and shocked. "I don't really know how we can help that was the least of our issues. We didn't have any trouble conceiving..." Blair cleared her throat. "I could talk to you about IVF if you want, but unfortunately that's not really,...wow guys i'm sorry," she realized how serious this was.

"We're not here to talk about IVF,"

"Then what exactly are you here for?" Blair set her wine glass down.

"Umm,...well we thought maybe we'd ask if you'd be willing to...umm...It's just Dan went to Yale and he has similar features to Matt and..."

"Oh my effing god..." Blair caught on before Dan who looked over at her trying to understand.

"Oh!" Dan set his glass down on the table. "Wow,"

"Yeah so? umm," they both looked so hopeful now.

"No need to make any decisions now. Let's just finish our dinner shall we?" Matt encouraged them to eat.

"Yes, let's do that," Blair stabbed a roasted potato with her fork.

They didn't bring it up again. The rest of the evening was terribly uncomfortable.

**XOXOXOX**

"Whaasssup!" Nate yelled as he entered their apartment. Blair hushed him immediately and listened to a faint sound coming from down the hall.

"If that's my baby i'm going to kill you," she said under clenched teeth.

"Speaking of babies, You're not actually considering Molly's offer are you? "

"Well they asked. I have to consider" Dan said casually.

"You've got to be kidding,.." Blair stopped taking clothes out of her suitcase.

"We should think about how badly they want this. We were in their position not that long ago"

"We were _NEVER_ in their position. They can go elsewhere," she wanted to be done with the topic.

"I'm sorry did they ask you? they asked me..."

"And you think this is a decision that you get to decide without me? do you really?"

"I'm just thinking about it. I'm pondering..."

"You know what? do whatever you want Dan but you're doing it alone"

"Do you get to have sex with her?" Nate asked.

"Get to?" Dan's eyes squinted.

"Have to?" Nate asked again.

"I'm sure she'd suggest it!" Blair snapped. "Dan, don't you think it'll be so much easier that way? Dan? Dan? Dan?...Oh Dan?...That would be easy right Dan? Blehhck.."

"Blair you're getting worked up over nothing" Dan unzipped his own suitcase.

"What part of fathering Molly's child seems like a good idea to you?" she threw a sandal out of her suitcase then put her hands on her hips. "Could you go the rest of your life knowing you have a biological child somewhere in the world? Or,...could you still go to functions with them knowing their child is biologically yours?, you think you could do that?"

"Regardless, it's not my kid," he said simply.

"In the back of your head,...you'll always know. And what if that kid is super smart and does something great and you know..."

"Blair, it's not my kid,"

"If it was a boy,...I can't tell you how i'd feel about that" she pressed her lips together.

"Blair, we can always have another baby,...if that's what your worried about..."

"NO!,...We're not testing our luck. She's perfect, we're not asking for trouble. We discussed this! you were the one that brought it up Dan"

"I know..." he felt bad for even mentioning it.

"If you think you should do this, then do it!" she yelled so loud then cringed after she heard crying.

"Be honest with me. Why don't you want me to do it?" he said as he followed Blair to the nursery.

"Because Dan...I don't want you to have babies with anyone else," her eyes starred into his. "That's why," she said seriously. "I don't even want you to have dog babies with anyone else," she chuckled as Winston walked in wondering why Nicky was crying.

**Present**

Blair reclined on a lounge chair with her big sun hat and large sunglasses and watched Dan and Nicky play in the pool. Covered by sunglasses she began to get a little brave and really let her eyes trace him. Whenever Dan glanced in her direction her eyes fell back down to her novel. She was saddened listening to her daughter and Dan playing around because just the year prior they were doing the same thing. It was hard reminding herself about how much had changed since then even if it didn't feel like it. she wondered if Dan would continue to visit every year or if this was just to ease into the their lives as separate entities.

"Are you going to say anything to him while he's here?" Nina asked from the lounge chair beside her.

"I don't think so,..."

"Blair stop being a pussy. Just tell him how you feel,"

"It's not that!" she defended herself. "I don't want to make things weird. He's here for Nicky and I don't want to do anything to make him leave early,"

"Blair, there's also a chance that what you tell him will make him stay the night,"

"He wouldn't. We can't stay in the same room together or Nicky might think something is going on,..."

"Something would be going on,..." Nicky was confused.

"It's not that easy. Even if something was to happen, she can't know. We can't let her get her hopes up if it doesn't happen,"

"Daddy are we going to play soccer after?" she asked. Dan wiped water off his face and shrugged.

"Yeah if you want to. Nate said something about one o'clock,"

"Can we be on different teams?"

"Uh why?"

"So I can beat you!"

"As you know, i'm pretty good at soccer..." he smirked. "Could have gone professional but I didn't want to make anyone jealous you know?"

Blair snorted. "Yeah right!" Nicky punched him in the arm.

"It's a secret i've never told you. I'm like the best player ever, I just take it easy on you so you don't feel bad. I don't want to bruise your ego or self esteem,"

Nicky splashed him. "Hey!"

"I think you should be on my team, since i'm so good,"

"Nope I think i'll be on Nate's team so I can crush you and hopefully deflate some of that ego of yours!"

"I hope you enjoy losing," Dan deadpanned.

Blair found it highly entertaining later in the day when Dan did infact win. "I told you I wouldn't go easy on you. This could have been easier if you were just on my team,"

"Aaron is just a bad goalie!" she complained.

"Shhh," Dan laughed.

"Liam plays everyday of his life so it's not really fair. Your team was stacked!" Nicky continued.

Later at night they made marshmallows, Nicky sitting on Dan's lap, Blair sitting beside them, not saying much, just watching them interact. Nate was helping the boys as usual.

"Nate you're so good with kids. Ever consider having some of your own?" Laura asked him.

"I was just going to say," Aaron looked over.

"Uh, I don't know. Never really thought about it I guess," he shrugged and went back to Jacob and helped him stack a s'more.

"I can't eat anymore i'm full," Nicky shook her head as Dan tried to feed her another.

"Is Gud!" Dan spoke with his mouth full. "Don't fall asleep I have to go," he kissed her ear as she seemed to make herself more comfortable and closed her eyes.

"No just stay," she said in a sleepy voice. Blair looked over wanting to say the same thing.

"I can't," he stood up and brought her into the house. He laid her down gently on the pristine white duvet as Blair walked up behind him. "I'll see you when you get back," he leaned down and kissed her tired head.

"I love you daddy. Thanks for coming,"

"You know how much I love you?" he asked.

"More than any writer could ever put into words," Nicky smiled.

"and then some," he kissed her cheek. "Bye baby,"

"No no no, teeth first," Blair ordered.

"You heard the lady,"

"Fine!" she got out of bed and went to the washroom. Dan walked out into the hall and Blair followed.

"Have a safe drive," Blair leaned in easily. Dan kissed her softly on the cheek and she swore she could feel it for minutes afterwards.

Blair slipped into bed with Nicky when she was already fast asleep. She noticed Dan's wedding band still dangling off a chain resting on her pillow. Nicky hadn't taken the necklace off since he gave it to her. She had asked if she could put her mom's wedding rings on the chain as well but Dan declined considering their value. She argued that he had no use for them unless he was going to sell them but he still couldn't bring himself to let them go.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

"I have some ideas about how we can run this place more efficiently," An intern approached Nina.

"This place runs like a well oiled machine," she took offense while taking the list of ideas handed to her.

"Wonderful,...that's truly endearing sweetheart but your ideas are not without their kinks. How on earth do you think this is going to work?" she pointed at the page with her long talon. "Why would that save time?"

"I didn't really think about that,...maybe instead of sending our department down,...they could come up?"

"...how is it fair for Vince to come up here when I could easily send someone like you down?...Just because you're up here doesn't mean you have clout, it doesn't mean you're more valuable than Vince or any of his team either...you don't make these kind of decisions. So scoot, there's a ton of pages for you to look over and I couldn't help but notice your phone is blinking, I'd really hate if that's another department you put on hold," Nina stood there eying the phone. "We don't put departments on hold here,"

"I'm sorry, umm..." the new intern gulped.

"That is going to be Anthony from design and he is going to ask if you have the mock up ready and what are you going to tell him?"

"That it'll be sent down immediately,"

"Anthony doesn't work in design, he works in marketing," Nina said.

"So i'll,..."

"You'll let Lint take care of it okay? It might be best if you just stick to editing for now okay?" she walked by her desk and whispered to Blair, "_She's wearing the ugliest fucking shoes i've ever seen_," she quickly looked up at the clock.

"The sex expert is coming in this afternoon so get your questions ready!," Nina joked with the rest of the department.

"I don't need it," Blair waved off a representative that was giving out samples of a new brand of lubrication they were featuring in their magazine. "No thank-you,"

"It's not always about needing it. It's fun sometimes you should give it a try,"

"I'm sorry do you think i'm turning it down because it scares me? I've used lubrication before. I'm the editor and chief of a magazine geared towards sexually active women. I've tried every product, every single position on the Cosmo calendar and most of the ninety nine ways to please your man list, he only liked five so lets make a note of that!" she snapped at Nina.

"Only five?" Sarah asked shocked.

"There were twelve he wouldn't even let me attempt..." she collapsed into a chair.

"Well some are,...weird," Nina agreed that it was understandable. "Let me just read this to you..." Nina cleared her throat. "Hold it firmly, the way you would hold a banana without it getting mushy..." they all burst into laughter. "I can't..." Nina was crying with laughter so she couldn't continue. "Where's Dan when we need him!" she referred to the way Dan ceremoniously read the articles written by the sex experts aloud with such confidence and nonchalance that everyone would be cracking up.

"Okay, Okay," Blair tried to calm everyone down.

"So today's the day?" Nina asked Blair.

"I'm going over after work. Nicky is with Rufus," she smirked.

"Goodluck," she smiled.

"Thank-you," she inhaled feeling a little nervous before going back to her computer screen.

"Hi are you Blair Humphrey?"

"I am,...," she stood as an unfamiliar face hovered over the desk.

"You created the spread of last month's issue with the must-have pieces?"

"Yes, I actually always do those myself. It's not even really work to me. I love shopping and so choosing the pieces is entertainment to me. I could hire someone else to do it obviously but I have a little girl who loves shopping on Saturdays and it just fits in. My team does an excellent job with the spread, I just choose the pieces,"

"are you aware that the pieces you chose were best sellers?"

"Our magazine does have some pull yes,"

"Actually,...the pieces you chose were the best sellers before your issue came out,"

"What are you saying? that i'm choosing best sellers to put in my magazine?" her eyes squinted. "I assure you, there's no method behind it. I actually choose pieces before they're put out to sell. My sister-in-law has her own boutique, my mother does, I have connections at all the best places,...I get to sift through new stock before it goes on the shelf. That is how I keep on top and make sure the magazine comes out at the same time the clothes are available,"

"Exactly," she smiled.

"I'm sorry, maybe I haven't had enough coffee today. Am I missing something?"

"You have a god-given talent. You can predict popularity..."

"Okay but what does that..."

"I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself, i'm Laura Stone and I work for Bergdorf Goodman, we're currently looking for a buyer,"

"...Oh,"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

She knocked several times before realizing he wasn't home. The big movie moment she had created in her head disintegrated and she dug into her purse. She knew she had a spare key in her wallet just in case of an emergency and wasn't about to camp out in the hallway waiting for him. She let herself in and made herself comfortable by removing her shoes and feeling the soft carpet on her nylon covered toes. After a few minutes of scanning the apartment and looking through some magazines on the coffee table she noticed Dan's answering machine was blinking. Answering machines were obsolete in Blair's eyes and that's why she let him take it with him when they separated. Before Blair even had a chance to think it over she pressed the play button. She didn't know where it came from, she didn't even consider not pressing it, and regretted it until Nate's familiar voice flooded the apartment.

**"Eh baybay!"** Blair chuckled to herself as Nate left a message about some event he wanted Dan to attend with him. **"Next Saturday! don't forget it!"**

She pressed the button again with curiosity and a little more confidence now, **"Hey** **babe!**" Gillian's voice rang out from the small device. Blair's heart sunk into her chest. **"Are you on your way? I've been waiting about ten minutes and i'm worried you forgot,...oh I see you now," **she let out a soft giggle. "**disregard this message!" **

Blair felt so stupid. What was she doing there? The message had been left a few hours ago and her heart hurt thinking he was probably still out with that boring, soccer mom. She stood up from the couch and pulled her bag up on her shoulder. Before she could leave, the door opened and Dan entered the apartment looking rather confused by her presence.

"What are you doing here?" he asked skeptically while closing the door behind him.

"I,...umm," she rubbed her eyes, "I was offered a buyer position at Bergdorfs" she blurted out not knowing what else to say.

"Oh wow!" he said. "Are you going to take it?" he asked still more than confused about what she was doing there.

"I don't know," she shrugged lightly. "Shopping everyday sounds too good to be true," she let out a gentle laugh."They sought me out. They found out I pick for the fashion spreads,"

"That's incredible. They sound like they really want you," he set his briefcase down.

"I was thinking maybe I could still do the spread and everything,...that way I wouldn't have to leave Cosmo..."

"I thought you always wanted to leave Cosmo,..."

"I did," she nodded.

"Follow your heart Daisy,"

She nodded and pressed her lips together hating how that nickname made her feel sick now. "So,...You're back with Gillian?" she asked sadly.

Dan didn't say anything, his eyes narrowed. "How did you,..."

"Why are you so stupid?" she asked in a whisper. Her eyes were starring through him. "...she's never going to be good enough for you," her jaw clenched, her head shook slowly.

"Did you read that on Gossip Girl?" his voice turned into a growl when he realized she didn't want to play nice.

"As if Gossip Girl cares about you now," Blair rolled her eyes.

"Who told you?" he asked. Blair's lips pursed and Dan came to the realization she found out for herself.

"OH! you listened to my messages! my private messages. That's so much better,..." he threw his hands in the air. "Not to mention you're sitting here in my apartment!...what makes you think you're allowed to just,..."

"Stop changing the subject! what are you doing with Gillian?"

"None of your business!"

"Everything that involves you is my business!" she wanted to stomp her foot and shriek. She wanted to act childish and have a full blown tantrum for not getting her way.

"Not anymore!" he walked away so he could put his bag down.

"I can't believe I even considered..." she got up and waked towards the door seething in anger.

"Considered what?," Dan's jaw clenched as he walked back towards her.

"Just forget it," she managed to get her shoes on while her purse slung over her shoulder.

",..considered what?" he repeated in a louder tone, jaw tight. Blair pulled her purse off her shoulder and rested it on the couch.

"Before that day when we ran into each-other at the restaurant I called Patrick and I told him that I wanted to go out to dinner. I wanted to go to dinner that night because I wanted to break up with him," Dan's mouth opened with confusion but Blair continued. "And I was ready and I told myself to be smart and stick with my gut. I thought about it over and over. I had to tell him that I would never love him like I still love you. He would never mean as much to me as you do," her bottom lip trembled but remained firm, "but I didn't break up with him. I didn't even like him! but I couldn't break up with him that night. I can't be alone when you love someone else," she closed her eyes and tried to keep the tears in. "And I broke up with him recently for the same reason," she sniffed feeling so vulnerable and scared. "now I feel like a complete idiot because who in their right mind would ever want to be with you?"

"Gillian," Dan said simply.

"Fuck you," she rolled her eyes feeling that was a low blow. "She can have you!,...I hope she likes douchey art exhibits and listening to you ramble about things no one cares about!"

"I hope your boyfriend enjoys having his life controlled by a demanding and nosy bitch but wait you don't have one!"

"My non-boyfriend is better than your blah girlfriend," she retorted.

"That doesn't make sense," Dan replied.

"You don't make sense!," she yelled. "I don't know what makes me a bigger fool,...That I'm here right now or that I left you in the first place," her lip trembled. Dan starred down at the floor for a moment.

He crossed his arms feeling like she really should just leave because this fight was not going anywhere. "I don't know why you're still here to be honest,"

"Because a long time ago I promised to stay and fight with you,"

"That's a promise for married people that need to resolve things. We're not married and we don't necessarily have to resolve anything," he shrugged. "I think we need to avoid each-other though because it's pretty clear we can't be civil for more than a few days,"

"Why Gillian? why someone I hate?" she continued.

"Why does it matter to you?" Dan asked exasperated with the topic. "Why does that matter?" he desperately wanted to know.

"Because i'm better than her!," she fought off the sob in her voice.

"So you think I'm supposed to find someone better than you? do you think i'll ever be able to find someone better than you!?" he yelled.

"No, not better than me! ME!,...you should want to be with me!"

"I wanted to be with you!" he yelled with a huff. "We're not going to work Blair! I did everything I could to be with you and you told me to leave!" he rested a hand on his chest still visibly angered by Blair.

"You didn't want me anymore!" she yelled back.

"I _always_ want you!" he yelled back.

Blair didn't have a chance to say anything as Dan's hand slid around her waist and roughly pulled her against him. With her body flush against his, she could feel both their hearts thumping. Her eyes connected with his, "_Do it_," she whispered. Dan's lips crushed against hers immediately. She backed him against the wall and pulled at his shirt. Dan had no objections as his shirt was thrown to the floor and her hands ran down his stomach sending the butterflies, already in her stomach, into a frenzy. She wasn't sure she could feel any more anticipation until Dan turned them and pinned her against the wall. He held onto her hips as he kissed her sweet, fragranced neck. Her hands continued to enjoy the hard muscles in his stomach before they reached his belt. Always the more eager of the two, Blair began tugging at the leather listening to Dan's breathing increasingly in volume while he kissed the soft flesh below her ear. His kisses tasted like home, but oddly exhilarated her like never before. Nothing would satisfy her. Her need for him was insatiable as they made their way to his bedroom. The bed dipped as he lowered her on to the plush mattress.

For longer than either of them expected they laid side by side with their foreheads touching. Blair's leg loosely over Dan's hip. Dan ran his hand up and down her leg feeling the ornate, lacy fabric he missed, something quintessentially Blair.

"I'm sorry we fought," he kissed her again.

"Me too," she stroked the side of his face and kissed him back. "Mmm," she sighed into his mouth so content, so relaxed.

They kissed, something about this was more intimate than sex had ever been.

I should go," she looked away with a little laugh and sat up, Dan did the same.

"Okay then go," he titled his head to the side as he rested his hand on her knee and slowly worked it up her leg.

"Don't do that," she bit her lip and shook her head slightly, her lips curled at the edges as she tried to fight a smile. Dan pouted, "Don't make that face because it makes me want to kiss you and we need to stop because you're with Gillian and,..." she inhaled and tried to string together a sentence as Dan continued to kiss her. "We have nothing figured out and just because,..." she smooched him back, "Just because we're,..." she kissed him again. "We're not thinking clearly and we have so many obvious issues,"

"You said you wanted to be friends,"

"Yes,..friends," she pulled from his lips.

"Blair this was always a part of us being friends," he starred at her lips. Blair's eyes pricked lightly. "This,..." he pressed his forehead against hers, "or pushing each-other in swimming pools," his eyes searched hers.

"It's not going to change anything anyway," she said sadly.

"It doesn't have to." he leaned in and their lips slowly made their way together. It was chaste, easy unlike the ones previous. "Some times people just kiss then stop,..." Dan smiled sweetly. Blair let out a low laugh through her tears at the memory. She touched her tongue to her top lip sheepishly and pulled away from him. Resting her hand on the back of his neck, she starred up at his familiar lips with a relaxed and dreamy expression.

"Humphrey," she blinked moving in closer. "How many times have I told you?..." Dan smiled brightly knowing where he mind was heading.

"_No, they don't,_" she shook her head with a devilish grin before pulling him back in.

**XOXOXOXOX**

**A/N:** I know some of you will think I didn't solve anything and them rushing to this was a bad idea but you have to trust me. I'm aware the start of this chapter doesn't fit with the end. I have some things up my sleeve and everything will be addressed. Little moments aren't just filler, they always have a purpose. They either tie up an old loose end or open something for later. You might not even catch some of them because they could be from 10 chapters ago but it's for my own peace of mind. Is Gillian a creep or what?. :) Please review, feedback helps me see if i'm progressing enough in the story. Want a flashback chapter or continue of this? both? I can do both. Let me know what you want!

XOXOX **-FQ**


	24. Feels Like The First Time

**A/N: **Thanks for the feedback! you're all excellent. I keep reading all these reviews saying, Yay they had sex...what are you talking about? they didn't have sex in that chapter, they do right now in this one...I wouldn't fade to black on you! :P Rated R for a reason.

**Q&A:**

**Guest:** I was wondering if Serena and her daughter will show up again the present?

**FQ: **Well, you'll see. It might be bittersweet when you see what I do with Nicky and Isobel but I think it's realistic but at the same time a little unbelievable. It's a fic, I want things to tie up nicely lol.

**Guest: **(Regarding Gillian)its such a tired trope especially in romance.

**FQ:** I'm aware. I apologize that you didn't like this aspect but as i've mentioned before, i'm getting stuck here and i'm trying to hurry myself along. I didn't want to completely disregard Gillian and I wanted to use her to prop Blair up. I know it's not fair. But I'm not purposely trying to throw a female character under the bus. I've always thought I was balanced enough in this story. Blair and Nina are characters I respect so much and I hope that is enough. So again, I apologize for my weak trope but I don't like her and so I went there. I'll respect her in the break up if that's important. Like a terrible DB fan, i'm going to throw DS and Serena under the bus soon enough and I hope that doesn't upset anyone. I write for DB fans not anyone else anymore.

**Chrissy:** Why is Nate never in a relationship?

**FQ:** He likes playing the field. He never keeps a girlfriend for more than a few weeks. I alluded to that in the beginning. I have something coming up for him that probably won't be satisfying enough for you guys because I try to root this in as much reality as possible and I don't want do too many things that sound too good to be true. But I have a plan for good old manbangs.

**Njooge:** When it's playful it's great and brings out their best but Dan has an inferiority complex when it comes to Blair and it's one of the reasons why their marriage failed.

**FQ:** I love when reviews affirm that i'm writing clearly enough that you understand the method behind everything. Thank you for letting me know that you get what i'm going for. This will be addressed in the future chapters. There are deep seeds of inferiority that I will try to address.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**FEELS LIKE THE FIRST TIME**

**BY: FOREIGNER**

**FROM: PITCH PERFECT**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Dan smiled against Blair's lips. She was so focused and lost in the moment but he didn't want to get lost in the moment; not completely. Dan wanted to savor this feeling for as long as he could. He knew that the chance of this amounting to anything afterwards was unlikely. Blair moved a little closer so she could get to his buttons. She pressed a hot kiss on his chest. Excitement flowing through her, anticipation at an all time high. Blair's hands were eager and maybe a little clumsy as she pulled down his pants and went straight for the goods. _Maybe we shouldn't_. He was thinking the words but his body was still responding to her touch. He knew he was rock hard and would have a difficult time stopping this if Blair wasn't going to be the one to do it. Blair flipped her hair to the side smiled with satisfaction as she ran her hand easily up and down his length noticing he was in working order, just as she left him.

"_yeah yeah._.." she said under her breath encouraging him. As she continued with her cheek against his as he bellowed softly at her amazing touch.

**_MINE MINE MINE_**

Blair removed her hand so she could tug down her shirt, her breasts spilled out of her bra so they were elevated and perfectly aligned with his face. "Mm," He went straight for her right nipple, taking it in his mouth. The surge of heat caused Blair to moan. She purred, combing the hair on the nape of his neck, pushing him to continue.

"This is so bad," she gasped as Dan's hand wrapped around and picked at her bra clasp with some difficulty before it finally unhinged. She sighed louder as his finger tips caressed and tweaked both her nipples. "..._so bad_," she moaned as his mouth made it's way back to her chest.

"Do you want me to stop?' he asked before sucking again.

Blair didn't answer she just smiled down at him with an impish expression. She loved watching him play with her breasts. Blair placed her hands on his ears gently and pulled him up for a sloppy and wet kiss, fueled only by her building desire. Their teeth clanked gently and Dan let out a soft laugh. Blair's eyes flickered as she looked at him wearing that soft, crooked smile she adored. Suddenly the burning desire was gone and all she felt was love. She blew air through her teeth at an attempt to laugh when she knew she was near tears. She pulled him in for a hug and closed her eyes tightly, completely at ease.

"Lay down," he whispered in her ear after a moment.

"No," she took hold of his chin and kissed him gently as if he might break if she used too much pressure.

"Lay down," he kissed back and helped her lay down. Blair starred up at him with curiosity as he yanked off her skirt and tights, tossing them to the side, he then pushed her legs and looked up at her looking down at him shyly biting the side of her thumb knowing what he was going to do next. He lowered his face and she giggled in anticipation. "are you sure? I can stop any time," she felt his hot breath at her core and Blair gulped at the anticipation. And then his tongue went straight where she wanted it to go, no teasing, just pure pleasure. "Oh my god," she clutched the pillow.

Dan could stay here for hours, he loved every second of pleasuring her in this way and he missed it so much he wanted to take his time. He focused solely on her moaning and found himself still getting increasingly excited. He explored her, slowly teasing her folds manually while his tongue provided slow languishing strokes. There was so much heat he wanted to be in there, he missed being inside her so much he could explode just thinking about slowly sliding himself in.

**_MINE MINE ALL MINE_**

To Dan's displeasure she moved away from him and sat up, smirking as she watched him lick his index finger as if he was going to turn a page in a book. "mmm," he smiled causing her to lean in and kiss him. The idea of kissing any man after such a task used to completely gross her out but she loved it with him, she loved how much he loved the way she tasted.

She pushed him down on to the bed and climbed up on top of him. She moaned feeling him hard against her leg, and didn't want to wait any longer. She took a hold of him in her hand and lowered on to him. It was a perfect fit as always. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensation of being completely filled by him. Dan starred up at her dreamily and took a hold of her hips. Blair moved at a soft, steady pace, slow and careful, her hand pushed up his chest and over his neck until it rested on his face. She smiled down at him just so happy he was there. Just like he remembered it, she was hot and wet and enveloped him like no other woman he had ever been with. "I can't say I didn't miss this," her tongue darted out to lick her lips, Dan sat up to kiss them. "Uhh..." she moaned feeling him at an angle that rubbed her clit. She placed her hands on the back of his neck and kissed him softly with great intimacy. This had to be Blair's favourite position and Dan knew as he wrapped both arms around the small of her back and lifted her gently before slowly bringing her back down on to him. He kissed her lovingly, gently, his hand in her hair as they slowly moved together in slick glide. It became frantic and fast, they breathed heavily just racing for the release. The moment Blair's breathing hitched he knew she was coming. She lifted herself a little and let out a soft scream muffled by burying her head into his shoulder. She dug her nails into his back with soft pressure, her hips squeezed around him as tightly as possible as she milked her orgasm for all it was worth until Dan had no choice but to let himself go. She gulped with a blissful smile before giving him an eskimo kiss.

Blair woke up in a bright room, tangled in crisp, white sheets. Everything about it was unfamiliar but a calm sensation floated over her. She couldn't even see his face, as she was facing out towards the window but she knew he was there. With her eyes closed she continued to enjoy the moment, wishing it wouldn't end. Dan pressed a kiss on Blair's bare shoulder that peeked out of the sheets. "Hi," he said tiredly.

"Hi," she replied with a content sigh. "If it wasn't for your, what seems like, single digit thread count sheets I'd say i'm very happy right now," again, she sighed against the pillow and reveled in Dan's gentle touches.

"Hey, that's not fair. You got all the good sheets in the divorce," he pressed an open-mouthed kiss to her neck.

"Mmmm," she sighed contently as he nestled into the crook of her neck and placed another soft kiss. She reached around and rested a hand on his head as he continued kissing behind her ear. "oooo," she inhaled.

"Let's talk about..."

"Only you would want to fill this moment with unnecessary dialogue,..." She groaned turning to face him.

"You didn't let me finish,"

"Why would I give you that option when I know what you're going to say?" she mused his hair lovingly.

"I don't think you do know..."

"You're going to say that we should talk about what we did and why we did it and I just don't want to talk about it. It happened and that's that,..." her finger tips trailed the planes of his face.

"I wanted to talk about Bergdorfs offering you a buyer position. We didn't really talk about it so,..." he propped his head up in his hand and stared at her.

"Fine," she huffed.

"Wait, let me brush my teeth!" he jumped up out of the bed.

"...okay i'll just wait here,"

Dan ran out of the bathroom after less than two seconds and stared at her. "What?" she stretched.

"I have a hickey," he said seriously. Blair almost burst into laughter at his tone. "I have a huge hickey..." he repeated himself. "I look like a teenage boy," he continued to stare at her like he was waiting for an apology.

"C'mon, did you really get that much action as a teenager, Humphrey,?"

He sat on the bed and showed her, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" she sat up. "I must have been hungry,..." she ran her thumb over the dark spot on his neck. "Oh my god...," her voice hitched.

"What?" he sounded frightened.

"Okay well the good news is that it's not as bad as the one over here," she cringed.

"Blair," Dan shut his eyes.

"I'm sorry!"

"No, you're not, you're,..." he stopped talking and rubbed his lip slowly trying not to laugh. "Umm,"

"What?"

"You have one too,..."

"what!"

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

Dan wore a turtleneck to work and endured jokes about his attempt at emulating Steve Jobs .Blair wore a tied scarf to cover her love bite. During her lunch break she took a little peek at her mark and laughed lightly. They hadn't discussed anything, they hadn't talked at all since earlier that morning. And when she finally decided to call him, her phone was already ringing.

"Hi," she answered her phone awkwardly.

"Hey" he breathed. "Wanna come over tonight?"

",...and do what?" she asked cautiously.

"It's Thursday. Curious if you wanted to watch a movie with..._an old friend_"

"Is Nicky there?" she asked.

"No" he said gently, amused with her attitude. "Nicky is with my dad for the night so i'm going to be_ all alone,_"

"What are we watching if I accept your offer?" she began playing with her hair.

"Well, for starters nothing with Hugh Grant"

"Be more specific,"

"Rosemary's baby?"

Blair giggled at the suggestion."I usually watch that on Valentine's day"

"...Nights of Cabria?"

"What if I cry?"

"Then i'll wipe your tears away," he said softly as he scanned through his dvds. "c'mon,"

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

Blair was buzzing with excitement when she let herself into Dan's apartment. She stopped dead in her tracks when she came face to face with Nate.

"Hey," she shrugged not sure what to say seeing that he had weaseled his way into their night alone.

"Bllllllaaaaiirr," Nate said her name in a taunting tone.

"What are you doing here?" Dan asked with a tilt of his head acting for Nate's sake. He then mouthed, '_i'm sorry_' with a shake of his head letting her know that he was just as disappointed as she was.

"I just,..." she shrugged again.

"We're celebrating because Dan's book hit the number one spot," Nate flicked the metal cap off his beer bottle.

"Oh did it?" she smiled as if she hadn't a clue even though she wanted to smack Nate upside the head and ask where he was three weeks ago when it first hit the spot. "Shouldn't we be celebrating that it's held the spot for three weeks?" she asked.

"Whoa! it's been number one for three weeks?"

"...uh yeah," Dan bit his lip.

"So you've probably already celebrated?"

"Uh..."

"Oh whatever!," Nate said. "Have a drink with us while you're here."

"I don't know..."

"C'mon, like old times" Nate said as he went to the kitchen. Blair looked at Dan and rolled her eyes.

"Stay," Dan said as he gave Blair's hand a soft squeeze. "Please?"

"I'll have one drink," Blair said. Within a few minutes they were all sitting at the round table. Blair and Dan were playing footsie like teenagers and Nate hadn't seemed to notice at all.

"I love that we broke Blair Waldorf,...we made her a lumberjack," Nate commented after he watched Blair finish her shallow glass of whiskey in one gulp.

"A lumberjack?" she blinked while setting her glass down.

"Brash,...Jack Daniels shooting,...plaid wearing...probably around the time you became a Humphrey," Blair stared at the table. "Or maybe it was the sweatpants"

"Oh the sweatpants..." Dan put his hand on his chest. "I will _NEVER_ forget that,"

"There is nothing I loath more!"

"No no,...there was a time when you wore them,"

"I was not in my right mind!...One more glass and then i'm leaving," she noticed Nate was pouring her another one.

For a few hours they played cards. Nate had fixed Blair her fourth drink and she noticed Dan nurse the same bottle of beer for the whole night. A part of her was saddened watching him still slowing working on the same bud for the last three hours, eventually he switched to water. She knew he had cut down on his consumption after everything but she never knew he was taking it so seriously. "We should do shots," Nate suggested. Blair watched as Dan shut down the idea without an ounce of hesitation.

"I can't man," he looked apologetic as he scratched the back of his neck.

"Dude," Nate's eyes locked on Dan. "I'm sorry. It's cool. I didn't,...I wasn't thinking,"

"S'ok," he laughed lightly to break the ice. "There's a bottle of Dom in the cooler under the sink if you and Blair want," he brought his glass of water to his lips.

"Nate, no. I'm not going to drink that whole bottle with you and once you open it,...Nate, seriously don't ruin an 86', we can use that for a special occasion!" she pleaded.

"Hey, where's your kid? I don't think i've seen her at all this week," Nate asked as he searched for the bottle of Dom that Blair was not interested in whatsoever.

"She's out with friends yet again,..." Dan said.

"Popular little thing isn't she?" Blair said wistfully. "Obviously doesn't get that from her father,..." she joked.

"Hey Blair, tell Nate what Nicky asked you," Dan said smugly.

",...she well,...Nicky asked me if I was a lesbian,"

"What?" Nate laughed.

"Her friends at school asked if her mom was a lesbian,..." her eyes widened. "so she had to ask me to make sure,"

"Ha!" Nate clapped his hands together. "Well, you do have paintings of naked women," Nate offered as a suggestion.

Dan laughed out loud now and Blair's jaw dropped. "That's exactly why they think she likes girls," Dan explained.

"Seriously?" Blair stared blankly at Nate.

"There's naked women everywhere," Nate said.

"Nude," Blair corrected him.

"Same thing Waldorf" Nate retorted.

"No, not the same thing actually" Dan piped up. "Maybe we should start looking at other schools?" he turned to Blair.

"You're going to put her in another school because of that?"

"Did you hear what I just said? her classmates are judging her based on the sexuality of her parent. She does not need peers like that," she huffed. "The funniest part was how she asked though, 'Mommy did you get divorced because daddy is a man...'"

"Oh lord," Nate laughed loudly and Dan chuckled. "What's the difference between Nude and naked?" Nate asked after a moment.

"So uh,..." Dan turned to his friend.

"Save your breath,..." Blair held her hand out.

"I'm telling you it's the naked women,"

"NUDE!" Dan and Blair yelled in unison. Dan and Blair burst into laughter. "I need more ice," Blair got up.

"Me too," Dan followed.

"Only Nate could make Demoiselles d'avignon and odalisques sound like playboy..." Blair laughed.

Dan and Blair calmed down from laughing and Dan looked towards the door before he leaned in and kissed her. Blair's lips caught his top lip as he sucked lightly on her bottom giving her chills. Dan was breathing heavily through his nose as he felt his heart start to race. Blair's bottom lip dragged lazily over his chin while he moved to kiss her neck, Dan's hand then trailed along the seam of her panty hose and brushed over her panties and teased her through them. Blair had never in her life been more angry that Nate was there.

"What are we doing?..."

"Well Nate's here so we should stop,"

"No, our relationship. What are we doing? we can't keep,.._.mmmm_..." she moaned as Dan continued and pushed past her panties and his fingers slipped inside her gently. With her plump bottom lip caught between her teeth she stared at the kitchen door, her chin resting on Dan's shoulder as she prayed Nate didn't come in. Dan continued seeing that Blair hadn't asked him to stop. She pushed against him and Dan knew she wanted him to continue. Dan pumped his fingers in and out with purpose. As he pulled them out he massaged her clit with pressure before he slipped them back in. He felt her clench around his fingers before the release, she pulsed so hard Dan could actually feel her orgasm as he watched her gulp for air and attempt to keep quiet, still biting down on her lip. He helped her ride it out by continuing to rub her clit until she rested her head on his shoulder, finally down from her high. Dan kissed up the side of her face as her breathing slowed down, then slowly removed his hand from under her dress. Dan spun towards the sink to wash his hands as Blair slid off the counter.

"What's taking so long?" Nate opened the door to see Dan drying his hands on a dishtowel and Blair with her hands on her hips.

"Just,...catching up," Blair pressed her lips together with nonchalance.

"I would like to start the movie so..." he made a gesture with his hand to tell them to hurry along. Once the kitchen door swung closed with Nate's exit Blair snorted as Dan placed a kiss on the back of her neck.

"That was lovely," her eyes sparkled with genuine gratitude.

"I'm glad," he held his lips out and she tilted her head up to kiss him.

**Flashback**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Blair was enjoying her pregnancy. She had so much attention from her family, friends and mostly Dan. She shopped maternity sections and always received such great customer service, she rarely had to make a complaint to the store's head office. She loved shopping at baby stores and made lists all-day, non stop.

"How far along are you?" the saleswoman asked as Blair clutched a huge stuffed turtle.

"Twenty one weeks today," she beamed proudly.

"More than half way there!" the lady commented.

"Do you know what you're having?"

"A boy," she smiled from ear to ear.

The next morning she placed a sonogram photo in a frame she had purchased the day prior and presented it to Dan over breakfast. "Here, take this with you for you desk. We'll replace it with a picture of him once he's born,"

"Oh, that's cute," he starred at it.

"My appointment is at eleven thirty and then i'll grab Nate and we'll meet you for lunch,"

"Does Nate really need us to ask him in a formal way?"

"Daniel!" she sounded irritated. "We took Nina out for dinner! the least we can do is take Nate out for lunch when we ask if he'll be our son's godfather,"

"He's going to call himself, 'the godfather'," Dan deadpanned.

"Yes, probably,"

"Okay, I have to go," he kissed Blair quickly, as he pulled back he pressed his hand against her belly. "You," he addressed the baby. "Move for your mom today!"

"It's no use, he's defiant. We'll be sending him to boot camp at seventeen,.."

**XOXOXOX**

Blair waited less than ten minutes in the Doctor's office waiting room until the nurse called her in. "Blair Waldorf?"

"Oh that's me," she clinked into the room and waited for the doctor.

"My model patient!" the doctor complimented her.

"You probably say that to all your patients," she smiled.

"I don't," he shook his head. "No one follows the rules quite like you Blair," he had her lay down.

"Well, I'm sharing my body, I have to be respectful,"

"You're taking very good care of him,"

"Say, can we do this quickly today? I feel like my bladder is going to burst,"

"I'll do my best,"

As the ultrasound began Blair enjoyed the sound of her baby's heart beating loudly. "That's my favourite sound ever," she told the doctor.

"a lot of women say that,"

"Well, there's a good reason," she nodded. "So, you said last time that he should be moving by now,..."

"You have no movement?"

"None. Not even a little bit,"

The doctor became silent. "Well, this is interesting,...do you see this?," he finally spoke up while pointing to the monitor.

**XOXOXOXOX**

"Hey, Dan," he was greeted the second he pushed into the building through the revolving doors. He carried a large stack of file folders, a coffee cup and had his messenger bag slung over his shoulder.

"What's up Dan?" a guy in a suit passed by him.

"Morning Dan," another greeted him warmly.

"Daniel,..." a girl smirked before she got into the elevator.

"Do you have any meetings today?" Doug asked rushing up to him.

"No, but I have to get out advance reading copies and I have like twelve manuscripts on my desk,"

"You need to learn to say no," he sung as he continued up the hall knocking on doors seeing if someone else had free time. Dan juggled his coffee and file folder as he opened the door of his office. He recently moved up to a higher floor and found himself still not used to the view.

"Hello!" Ellie greeted him with her usual bubbly voice.

"Hey," he smiled."Give me a second and i'll,...find you some work," he was still not used to having an assistant, but the transition would have been easier if Ellie knew how to perform basic tasks without Dan showing her.

"DAN!" Jerry burst into his office. "Tell me you don't have any meetings today," he held on to the door frame.

"Doug just asked me the same thing," he put his coffee cup down. "What do you need?" he pulled a framed photo from his briefcase and starred at the high shelf of his desk.

"Steve is coming in today and we're so behind. We're going to be out of the office all day,...,"

"You want me to be the boss?" Dan smirked.

"Just for today. We don't have anyone else that we trust,"

"Okay well,...manuscripts can wait," he smiled with pride as he set down the frame.

"What is that?" Jerry moved closer and looked at the sonogram photo.

"My boy," Dan said proudly.

"It's a boy? congratulations!" Jerry held his hand out and Dan shook it feeling a little awkward. "I thought you wanted it to be a surprise?"

"We did but he had other ideas," Dan laughed.

"You need some time off when..." he gestured to the frame.

"Well, I was thinking like a couple weeks. My wife wants to go back to work as soon as she can,"

"Ohh..." Jerry inhaled.

"Oh no no no," Dan shook his head. "He's not due until late November!" Dan laughed.

"November works!" Jerry pointed at him. "That is doable. Alright I have to go. Have a good day mister boss!"

Dan's morning went by so quickly he couldn't believe it was actually noon when he had a moment to check his watch. Everyone needed him to sign off on projects and new potential.

"Dan your wife is here to see you," Ellie said as he walked into the foyer of his office.

"Already? she was supposed to come at two..." Dan shrugged and headed towards his office. "I thought you were coming at..." he stopped dead when he noticed the woman sitting in his chair was not his wife.

"What are you doing here Serena?" he asked grimly.

**XOXOXOXOX**

**A/N:** short, i know. Probably full of errors too but I don't have the time. I'm working hard to get this all out. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :)


	25. Thank Heaven For Little Girls

**A/N:** Thank you all so much for the overwhelming feedback! you really make me want to update faster. Slight detour with this chapter but I think you'll get some answers that you want. I couldn't pass up this opportunity. I was going to save a lot of it but it seems to work well this way. Kinda fluffy, kinda sad at times but I like this chapter and i'm happy to share it with you earlier rather than later. Thanks to **Tweedledeedum** for bouncing ideas with me and approving this chapter.

**Q&A: **

**Guest Asked:** So I take it they'll be sneaking around Nicky then?

**FQ: **You got it!, but it can't all be fun and games. You'll see.

**Danielle Asked:** Where do they stand? They're not ignoring it, haven't talked it out yet but whatever it is, it's going on under the nose of Nate. Nothing ever changes does it?

**FQ: **They're under the impression this "phase" won't last forever.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**THANK HEAVEN FOR LITTLE GIRLS**

**By: Maurice Chevalier**

**From: Gigi**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

Blair woke in her bed to the sound of Dan's alarm going off. She kissed him gently then reached over him to grab the iphone. She noticed he had a message from Gillian. Instantly she felt terrible. She didn't know why she never thought of Gillian over this past week. "_Dan_," she said quietly, lulling him from sleep. "_Gillian is texting you_," she spoke softly.

"Just leave it," he stretched, his hand ran over her arm affectionately.

"No," she forced the phone into his hand. "I'm not the other woman._ I'm not_," she shook her head. "We can't just,..." she covered her eyes with her hands.

"You're not..." he sat up straight and took a deep breath.

"Dan, what are we doing?" her voice was pained and confused.

"I broke up with Gillian. I already broke up with her," he said quickly trying to soothe Blair's guilt.

"Then why is she texting you..." she pulled from him uncomfortably.

"We're just friends right now. I told her I need to be alone and she understands. She's just letting me know that she finished reading one of my old novels," he pressed his forehead against hers. "I'm not with her,"

Nina was shocked to hear what Dan and Blair had been up to the last two weeks.

"You were supposed to fix your relationship before you started having sex!" she scolded her friend. "This is totally ass-backwards!" she set her tea cup down on the coffee-shop table.

"I know! I know!" Blair covered her eyes and tried to stop smiling, "But he smells like Calvin Klein," she gushed, "and home," she thought for a minute. "_He's so cute_," she smirked.

"You sound like a tween,"

"I don't care. I had five orgasms this week that I didn't have to give myself," she brought her tea cup to her lips.

"But you haven't talked at all?"

"Of course we talk. Dan never stops talking..."

"About your relationship and what you're doing?"

"We said that we're going to figure things out,"

"And have you figured anything out?"

"So far we figured out that we enjoy having sex on the washing machine..." she smirked into her tea cup.

"Maybe you could figure out, if you want to try your relationship again for real? maybe you could figure out when is a good time to tell Nicky..."

"Oh no. No, she's not going to find out," she shook her head. "We are very careful around her," she sipped her tea. "We only do it when she's out for the night which fortunately, has been very frequent this week,"

"So you're going to just have sex for the next seven years and hope she goes away to college without ever finding out?"

"I think it's possible to keep an emotional relationship separate from a physical relationship..." she said simply.

Nina blinked at her in confusion. "That makes no sense. You're talking about having a physical and emotional relationship with the same person! it doesn't matter that you separate the times and places you're still fucking him and having your cake too,"

"That's not how it goes,... and I think the sex would be the cake..."

"Whatever," she sipped her tea. "Have your best-friend and eat him too?"

"Perfect!" Blair laughed.

"Speak of the devil," Nina commented as Dan walked into the coffee-shop. Blair leaned up for a kiss, Dan looked tense. "It's fine. I know..." Nina said, Dan then kissed Blair.

"Can we go back to talking about Nicky's birthday party?" Blair changed the topic quickly as she grabbed Dan's hand.

"Seriously? we're not going to talk about this,..." She pointed at both Dan and Blair.

"I think you should entertain the idea of letting me host it at my apartment," Dan said to Blair, completely ignoring Nina.

"Oh I don't think so,..."

"GUYS!" Nina tried to get their attention. "Are you actually giving this a real shot?"

"Blair, please. I'd hire all your people. Let me remind you, I did throw her a party once before..." Dan said.

"Don't dangle that fluke over my head! It was nearly ten years ago!"

"If you let me throw her birthday party this year, i'll give you all her teen years without even asking,"

"GUYS!" Nina yelled again.

"You'll hire Stacey, Angelo and Deacon?"

"Who else?"

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

"Mummy this one is beautiful!" Nicky expressed with delight as she touched the fabric of a dress. Blair moved closer and pulled the dress from the rack, examining it closely.

"That's my favourite one from our first fall shipment," the store clerk, Lana commented. Nicky beamed that her taste was being praised. Blair continued to stare at the dress.

"While it's very pretty, it's a knock-off of Stella McCartney's fall collection from last year," she placed the dress back on the rack and Nicky continued looking with her skilled eye.

"I heard you're turning ten soon!" Lana spoke to Nicky.

"Mhmm!" she nodded. "Double digits!"

"Ugh, It kills me that she's so grown up," Blair expressed with a frown, then wrapped her arm around her daughter.

"Makes me feel old," Lana huffed. "I remember your mom used to come in here with you in a stroller,"

"I think she was less than a week old the first time I brought her here," Blair reminisced.

"I remember all the ladies surrounding her. It feels like yesterday," Lana chuckled.

"Mummy can we have tea after?" Nicky asked as Blair opened a text message from Dan. She smirked and shook her head at his flirty message.

"Mummy?"

"Hmm? Yes, we'll have high-tea as soon as I decide on a dress," she shoved her phone back in her purse without replying.

"What do you need a dress for?"

"Your birthday party silly girl!"

As Blair held up both white dresses, trying to choose her favourite, a familiar voice distracted her. "Blair?" Gillian's voice rang out through the store. Blair looked up to see the woman she loathed, looking worse than ever. Her hair was messy and there was not a speck of makeup on her face except for the day-old mascara that had yet to be cleaned off.

"Hi," Blair said awkwardly.

"Can we talk for a minute?" Gillian's jaw clenched.

"Umm," Blair looked back to see Nicky talking to Lana and trying on the newest fall shoes they had to offer, "Yeah, what's wrong?" her eyes widened as she took a step closer.

"What do you think you're doing?" she snarled.

"Pardon me?" Blair blinked, her eyebrows raised with annoyance.

"I find it very very interesting that the week Dan tells me he needs some time alone I find pictures on Gossip Girl of the two of you holding hands at Veselka,"

"I didn't realize Dan and I were still so popular,..." Blair smirked looking back at the dress in her hands.

"Ex husbands and wives holding hands does scream scandal doesn't it?" Gillian crossed her arms. Blair tucked her hair behind her ear, looked over her shoulder to make sure her daughter was out of ear-shot. She smiled at Nicky gently before looking back at Gillian. "What do you want me to say to you?" she spoke under her breath.

"You are not right for him. You want different things out of life. You stifle his creativity..." she pleaded.

"I do? how many novels did he write about you?"

"He mentioned on several occasions that being married to you was like being in a prison," she grasped all the ammo she had.

"While I admit our marriage had it's ups and downs, I assure you we never once had a problem with _our sex life_." Blair had no idea if this was a soft spot for Gillian but she gave it a try knowing her sex life with Patrick was nothing short of awful.

Gillian inhaled sharply once she realized that Dan had been speaking very candidly to this woman. "I know you're only doing this because you don't like me. I know you want to distract him long enough to ruin our chance at a future. Don't lead him on and play with his head just to get your way,"

"Trust me, if I was playing a game,...you'd know,"

"We had plans. And you're ruining everything because selfishly you can't let anyone else have the only constant in your life. Did you know that we talked about having more children?" Blair didn't say anything. "Dan missed out on the pregnancy to birth experience with you,...I could give him that,"

"You'd have to get him to have sex with you again..." Blair rolled her eyes.

Why did you have to start this?" Gillian's eyes narrowed. "Why did you have to stir this all up again?"

"I didn't start anything...he came to me,"

"Because you've damaged him. Set him free, tell him it's over for good and to give up already,"

"Dan is not broken Gillian!," Blair said. "He doesn't spend time with me because i'm some kind of witch that casts spells or concocts potions. He loves me," she said honestly. "For better or worse, in marriage and out of it, he loves me,"

"Well you've given up on him so it's time to quit playing these games and carry on in your separate lives,"

"Our lives are never going to be separate, why can't you wrap your brain around that?"

"All you do is hurt him. You don't support him, he does everything for you and you know that in a few weeks you'll toss him to the side again. Don't do this to him,"

"You think you're really well informed about my relationship with Dan don't you?"

"I'm better for him," Gillian said simply. Blair laughed.

"It's not funny,..."

"It's hilarious," Blair nodded. "You know," she inhaled. "I used to have sympathy for you but now all I have is pity and second-hand embarrassment. He's mine. He'll always be mine. It's entertaining to me that you come here and ask me to leave him alone. He's not asking _me_ to leave him alone, but he asked _you_ to leave him alone,..." she shrugged with a sarcastic smile.

"I can't believe you didn't comprehend a single thing I just said to you," Gillian said through her clenched jaw.

"Gillian have you ever heard the saying, 'he loves me, he loves you not' ? you're confused about which side you fall under..." Blair turned away. "I'll take this one Lana!" she spoke out loud. "Hey Gillian?," Blair bit her lip. "I don't think this is your kind of store, i_t's kind of expensive_..." she held her hand up as if to whisper. Gillian stormed out of the store and Blair rushed to get into a change room as her eyes filled with tears.

"Are you okay?" Lana asked.

"Mhmm!" she nodded biting back tears. "This dress is beautiful," she closed the door behind her.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**YOU'RE INVITED TO NICKY'S 10TH BIRTHDAY PARTY**

**WEAR A COSTUME!**

**XOXOXOXOX**

Since Blair's encounter with Gillian, she had been avoiding Dan. It wasn't too hard considering Nicky hadn't been spending as much time at her friend's houses that week. And whenever Dan suggested a movie night Blair would use the excuse that she had too much work piling up.

"You look nice," Dan commented when Blair walked in his apartment. "You know, I expected Audrey but you make a good Greek goddess," he checked her out.

"I'm Helen of Troy," she specified without looking at him.

"Of course you are," he moved to the side so she and Dorota could place her presents on the table with the rest of them. "The face that launched a thousand ships hey?" he tried to sneak a kiss as Dorota was busy at the table.

"Umm," she moved away from him and looked around. "I have something I need to tell you," Blair said grimly referring to her run-in with Gillian.

"What do you think?" he asked, ignoring her.

"Well, it doesn't look like a total disaster..." she seemed quite content with his decorations.

"I called your people. I told you I would," he smirked. "I even dressed up like you requested," he held his hands out so she could get a good look at him.

"Umm,...I give up. What are you supposed to be?" Just then Nate walked in dressed like a professional soccer player. His eyes became wide and excited when he saw Dan.

"YES!" he high-fived Dan who chuckled. "That's fuckin' sick,"

"Language!" Blair yelled looking around hoping no one had heard him. "I give up, who are you supposed to be?"

"Are you kidding me?" Nate looked at Blair like she was crazy. "He's Han Solo!"

"Boys and their Star Trek..."

"Star Wars!" Dan and Nate said in unison equally as appalled by Blair's ignorance. Nina walked in after. She was wearing a black and white wig, a tight, black dress, fur coat and stilettos. Dan was thrilled to bits that after all this time, she finally dressed up as Cruella.

"You make a fabulous Cruella!" Blair gave her side kisses.

"Thank-you!" she smiled. "Did you bring your quellazaire from your Audrey costume?. I need a smoke and want to be authentic,"

"In my bag," Blair said.

"Hi mommy!," Nicky bounced over in her fairy costume that Jenny had customized for her.

"Hi angel!," he eyes lit up, she leaned over and kissed her. "Look at this beautiful fabric," she felt the material then started discussing it with Jenny. "It's gorgeous,...I knew it was going to be gorgeous but this is beyond my expectations,..."

"Obviously,...you were doubting me before," Jenny said playfully.

"I was doubting that you could finish it in time after she changed her mind for the third time,"

"I told you that going from angel to fairy wouldn't be that hard," Jenny smiled.

"I didn't wrap my present,...I'm assuming that won't be a problem,..." Rufus flashed a smile as he tossed it on the table in front of Dan and Nate.

"Is that...?" Nate's eyebrows raised and he shared a knowing smile with Dan. "Are those nerf guns?"

Dan rushed over and ripped open the box. "We do not do guns!" Blair's voice raised. "DAN!" she yelled as he handed one over to Nate. "Rufus!," she starred at him completely appalled.

"Yeee_aahh_h," Nate held his up in the air as Dan told Nicky to go to the other side of the house. Dan counted to three as Blair screamed in anger and demanded them to stop. Everyone completely ignored Blair, and once Dan got to three they began firing at one another until all their spongey bullets were scattered around on the floor. Nicky was laughing uncontrollably and explaining how hilarious it was when Nate jumped over the couch to avoid being hit.

"Okay let's pick these up before anyone gets here," Dan, Nicky and Nate collected all the bullets and Blair starred at them.

"It's not funny," she put her hands on her hips.

"I'm sorry Blair," Rufus said seriously. "Dan used to play with them all the time when he was young and I thought,..."

"I forgot how much fun these were!" Nate set his gun down.

"Dan, can I talk to you in the kitchen?" she asked. "_Immediately_,"

Dan followed behind her with a shrug. "C'mon, Nate and I haven't played with those in forever! it was nostalgic,"

"I don't care about what you and Nate do!,...you and Nate can shoot at one another all day long if you really want to. What part of 'no guns' do you not understand?"

"They're nerf guns Blair," Dan rolled his eyes. "It's not a big deal and i'm not going to let you make my dad feel bad for buying them. So leave it,"

"Dan!..."

"What?" he turned back to her.

"You ask her thirty questions about how she feels after watching 'Beauty and the Beast' you implemented that rule and I follow it,"

"That's different,..."

"How?"

",..." he inhaled. "Okay no guns," he said simply. Blair immediately remembered her run-in with Gillian and felt bad for being so abrasive.

"Come here," she put her hands on his face and pulled him in for a kiss. "I kind of like the Han Solo look,..."

"Really?" he smiled.

"Makes me think of you in high-school with all your vests,"

"Ugh, I got them all from thrift shops..."

"Eww,"

"So umm,..." she inhaled. "I wanted to tell you earlier, umm..."

"Hello, Hello," Nate greeted Dan's mom who walked in carrying several gift bags and boxes.

"Hold that thought, my mom's here,..."

"Where are we putting these?" Allison asked.

"Whoa, buy the whole store mom?" Dan laughed and helped her place them all on the table once he exited the kitchen. She ignored him, adjusted her cat ears and scanned the room for her grand-daughter.

"Hi my sunshine," she went straight for Nicky pulling her into a big hug.

"I can't believe she's ten,..." she hugged Dan then Blair as Nicky was pulled into hugs by other people entering the apartment.

The party consisted of mostly family and a few of Nicky's close school friends and their mothers.

After food and party games that Nate had Jenny had come up with together, Nicky was opening her presents, which was quite the ordeal, Blair kneeled down beside her and wrote in the cards so they could send personalized thank-you cards.

"Thank you so much!" Nicky looked up and thanked one of her friends.

"Who's this one from?" Nicky asked Blair as she pushed it in front of her.

"This is from daddy," she held out the card to show her his personal letter hand-written inside. "We'll keep the card okay?" she ran her index finger affectionately over his words.

Nicky began gently tearing at the wrapping paper of the big box and found another box inside. Blair looked up with a laugh to see Dan chatting with some of their relatives not really paying much attention to Nicky and her presents. "Oh my goodness, there's another one!" Izzie commented. Nicky was laughing but began laughing even harder when she found old books lined around the outside of one of the smaller boxes; obviously being used as weights.

"What on earth..." Blair giggled. "Leave it to your dad to line the box with 'fifty shades of grey'..."

"Did I actually?" he looked shocked. "Those are not part of the gift..." he pointed.

"He was just trying to trick me!" she rushed to open the next box.

"Yeah these can go home with you," Blair held the books up to Dan and a light chuckle came from everyone.

"They can go in the garbage,..." Dan commented.

"I love that you guys get along so well still," one of the moms said to Blair.

Nicky threw her head back in laughter as she found another small box and then another.

"There better be a gift in here Dan!," Blair called out and everyone that was paying attention laughed.

A sharp inhale came when Nicky reached the last box that was wrapped in bright pink paper. It was small and rectangular, she looked up at her mom and showed her the box. Blair bit her lip trying not to smirk as Nicky's jaw dropped. Blair then laughed seeing Nicky in such a state that she couldn't even bring herself to rip the paper.

"What is it?" one of the amused moms asked Blair. Blair just smiled and looked back at Nicky.

"Open it baby," Blair said softly seeing Nicky's eyes sparkle, overcome with emotion.

"Where is he?" she jumped off her chair. "WHERE IS HE?" she rushed through the crowds of people and found her dad standing and talking to a few people. He set his drink down and accepted her into his arms as she jumped up and wrapped herself around his neck.

"Do you like it?" he smirked. She showed him the box still covered with paper. "Open it!" he laughed.

"I can't," she buried her head in his shoulder.

"How do you know what it is if you don't open it?" he whispered in her ear.

"_I know what it is_," she sniffed then rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Why are you crying you silly goose?" he kissed her cheek.

"_I'm so happy_," she mumbled. Dan set Nicky down and ripped the paper until she could see the one thing she had been asking for all year: An iPhone.

"Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you!"

Nicky got back in her seat and opened the remaining presents."Keep it safe," Nicky asked her mom as she handed it over.

"I have it right here, I won't let it out of my sight,"

Nicky continued opening presents. Some very creative and original pieces of jewelry that Allison had made, and her usual present from Grandma Eleanor, a fashion Barbie to add to her ever growing collection. The last presents Nicky opened was from Blair. There were boxes upon boxes, gift bags upon gift bags. Clear mascaras, muted eye liners, a few glossy lipsticks with minimal pigment, translucent powder, a pale pink blush, a few Dior nail polishes in bright colours to make up for the lack of colour in the makeup. The newest Vera Wang fragrance and several designer dresses and pairs of shoes. "Only at home okay? you're not wearing makeup to school,"

"Okay!," she nodded excitedly. Blair then presented Nicky with her very first pair of diamond earrings with a matching necklace.

"Promise me you're going to take good care of these," Blair put the earrings on her.

"I will, I will!" her doe eyes promised as she smiled brightly. As Blair put the necklace on her she noticed Nicky was still wearing Dan's wedding band on a chain.

Nicky was always spoiled but Dan really thought Blair overdid it this year. "Seven," Dan snuck up to Blair and spoke into her ear as remaining family members were finally leaving.

"I beg your pardon," she spun towards her ex.

"I counted seven gifts from you,"

"You don't get to tell me how many gifts i'm allowed to give my one and only baby," She continued to look away from him. "And besides, you're going to lecture me? an iPhone? really?" she side eyed him.

"You can't tell me what i'm allowed to buy my one and only baby," he repeated with a coy smirk.

Blair chuckled and turned not realizing how close Dan really was, she swallowed hard then apologized for slamming her body into his.

"S'okay," Dan backed up.

"Though arguably cliche, I think the way you weighed the box down with books was really cute," she smiled.

"I didn't want her to know what it was right away,..." he shrugged.

"Well as soon as she got down to it, she knew,"

"She's very smart,"

"We know how to make them," Blair smiled.

"I'm going to say goodbye some people,"

"I'm going to find Nicky," they went in separate directions.

Nina and Nate were rushing out of the apartment when Dan stopped them to say goodbye. "It's uh getting late so we have to go," Nate said to his friend.

"Wow, it's almost ten and we have quite the cab drive...umm he does," Nina pointed at Nate.

"You guys can stay here,"

"No, no, no...we have to get home before midnight or..." Nina jabbed Nate in the side with her long fingernail. "Just gotta go, see you later!" they rushed into the elevator.

"Hey, guys can you wait and let my mom go down with you?" Dan asked but it was too late the doors had already closed.

"Lovely party," Allison walked up to Dan. "I can't believe she's ten...time flies,"

"That it does," he nodded.

"I just tucked her in with Blair, she's exhausted,"

"Understandably,"

"Maybe it's none of my business but," she looked away sheepishly. "What happened between you two?"

"Mom,..."

"I'm not trying to pry, i'm just confused. Your father doesn't even know,"

"Why are you and dad divorced?"

"Dan,...we were right for each-other you know that,"

"Well Blair and I aren't right for each-other so you won okay? you were right,"

"I never wanted that. I never wanted this to happen to you, I didn't want your life to turn out this way,"

"My life is fine,"

"It's been a year and you're still single,"

"Yeah, a year,..." he looked confused. "it's only been a year,"

"You're too good of a catch to not get out there and date,"

"I did date. I'm not ready to date,"

"Don't let her have the satisfaction,...she left you, now you go and find someone that's worthy of you,"

"Can you please save it? like you just said, you have no idea what happened to us, so you have no right to tell me what I should be doing,"

She inhaled realizing she was being rude. "You're right. I apologize," she nodded. "I'll talk to you later, Goodnight, I love you," she hugged him again. Dan stood in the foyer and said goodbye to the remaining guests until Blair was the only person left.

"Well, she's sleeping," Blair said with a smile as she joined him in the foyer.

"Good, she had a long day," he nodded. Blair noticed he had some of the confetti glitter on his cheek so she gently brushed it away with her thumb.

"You had some...," she showed him the gold flakes on her thumb.

"You also have some..." he brushed her nose. They were quiet for a moment when Blair spoke up as she watched Dan begin to take down some of the decorations.

"Halloween isn't for awhile,..."

"Yeah but this is a little much. I don't think I can live in it," he continued to toss out streamers and swipe glitter off the table. Blair sat herself down on the couch to relax and rest her feet for a moment.

"You know,..." she swallowed. "Every year after all the fun and she's in bed,...I feel a little sad," she confessed, her eyes resting on a pillow.

"Why because she's getting older?" he questioned.

"No, because I think about how if everything happened the way it was supposed to,_...we wouldn't have her,_" she looked around the room and rubbed her arms trying to comfort herself.

"What do you mean?" he put down the garbage bag and sat with her.

"I'm plagued with guilt because i'm so happy how things turned out and like I said before I wouldn't change anything,...but how is that fair to him? How is it fair that I don't wish we had him? How is it fair that I would choose her over him_ and I do in dreams all the time_," she caught a sob in her throat and forced herself to suck it up.

"Oh Blair," he rested his hands on her knees. "Don't torture yourself for being happy. You know I firmly believe that if we _did_ have him,..." he took her hand in his. "If he was still here today," he smiled, "_she would be here too_," he nodded gently. " She would find a way," Blair nodded with a smile. "We would decide to have another one, or you know,...things happen,...they can happen," his eyes widened. "It happened to us before, it could certainly happen again. She was fate Blair,..."

"You need to stop making me want to kiss you," she smirked.

"Well people can kiss," he leaned in.

"Not with Nicky here,..." she turned from him and his lip brushed her cheek.

"Okay," he pressed his lips together and dropped his hand. Blair stared at him for a moment.

"I know this isn't going to last," suddenly he looked sad. "I know that there's an expiry date to the days where we can just,...pretend nothing happened to us,"

Blair's lips parted, she was at a loss for words. Dan expected many things to come out of Blair's mouth but he didn't expect the words she uttered next.

"..._Let's try_," her eyes flickered as she starred at him.

"Try?"

"Let's just...figure things out,"

"and then what?" he looked skeptical as she pulled his hands into hers.

"I don't know," she said quietly with a shrug. "Just date me," she pressed her lips together and shrugged.

"...Yeah?"

"Yes," she leaned in for a kiss. Dan deepened it and she sighed into his mouth loudly. "No,..no," she pulled away when he began to kiss her neck. "Nicky,..." she reminded him. "We still have to be extremely careful,"

"Okay," he pressed his lips together. "Do you want anything?" he rubbed her shoulder gently. Blair eyed him up and down, then glanced in the direction of Nicky's bedroom.

",...If you promise to be really quiet,..."

"Me?" he asked.

"Shh!" she went in for the kill.

**_My head told me to stay away but my heart craved him. Any pain that he had caused seemed to be insignificant, I loved him more than I hated him. I desired to be with him but I still wanted to be strong. I always assumed I was a stronger woman with Dan but I was proving that was not true as I had stayed by his side while he hurt me over and over. At this point I didn't care, I wanted to be open and honest- I needed to tell him how I felt and maybe figure everything out with him instead of by myself. -Blair_**

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

**_Profound and momentous was her existence, a pure symbol of perseverance and hope._**

Somewhere between standing in front of a sea of paint chips and then again in front of a massive wall of formula cans he realized this would be his life from now on. Dan's life was dedicated to the woman he married and the little girl he made with her and he couldn't have been happier. He ran into Blair's floor at Cosmo with a smile on his face. He placed a large tray of pink cupcakes on Blair's desk and went to his usual task at the whiteboard where he grabbed a marker and wrote, **NICOLE BRIANNA "NICKY" HUMPHREY! arrived on OCTOBER 16TH AT 8:50 pm, SHE'S SIX POUNDS, HAPPY, HEALTHY AND BEAUTIFUL! **

He fully expected to come home to a diligent brunette making another list of impossible demands and tasks, an impossible set of instructions and a sharp tongue, but when he walked in the door there was silence. He rested his keys and bags on the kitchen counter as stealthy as possible and walked around the brick pillar. Dan could see Blair covered in her blanket curled up into the corner of her chair. Dan smiled when he saw she had her forehead pressed up against the sleeping baby, taking in her new baby smell so she'd never forget it. A slight click in the floor had her look up to Dan.

"Hi," she said to Dan. Not a strange way to greet him, not an unheard of tone but the circumstance was everything. She was whispering because she was holding _their _sleeping baby. "I got everything on your list," he whispered, "This close enough?" he pulled the paint chip out of his pocket. "uah, Tiffany blue..." she smiled blissfully with his perfect match, her eyes only glanced for a second then went back to her baby.

"I went to three stores for that," he was proud of himself Blair could really care less with what Dan was saying as her baby's nose twitched.

"I don't want her to ever grow up. I want her to stay just like this," she stared at her tiny lips.

"no you don't,"

"sure I do" she nuzzled her gently.

"I don't believe you," he sat down next to her.

"Dan, she's our masterpiece," she smiled.

"you're filling the room with cheese,"

"I can't help it. I don't think i'll ever have to visit the MET again. I might turn in my membership,...she's all the artwork I ever need to see," she smiled. "I came to my decision for her party,"

"We just brought her home today can we..." he rubbed his eyebrow.

"I know," she cut him off. "But I want to have her 'Welcome to the World' birthday party in two weeks"

"uuhh-ok..." he rubbed his eyes. "What will the theme be?" he plastered on a goofy smile as if he was throughly excited.

"What little girls are made of,"

"Ok," he nodded.

"I'll take care of the sugar and spice, you do the rest, " She stood and walked into the nursery leaving Dan by himself.

"oh well that should be,...," he inhaled. "Easy..."

After an hour Dan walked into their bedroom and got up on the bed with Blair. He opened his notepad and read aloud a list he just created.

"Diamonds, Macrons, Ducks, French tights, Lemonade, Chocolate, Tiffanys, Peonies, and Daisies,"

"All things nice," Blair sighed contently with a soft smile.

**_XOXOXOX_**

She hasn't uttered a single word to Dan or Blair upon arriving. She's not sure if anyone of importance knows she's there but she doesn't care. She's been there for less than five minutes but finds herself completely content and thrilled that she decided to show up.

Allison often avoided anything that took place at Blair's mother's penthouse. Anytime she was invited to the two-story, lavishly decorated museum-like home, she she would think of a way to get out of attending and if she couldn't think of anything on the spot, she could always find an excuse to leave early. Never, did she think her son would marry someone of such pedigree, and she could never believe her son would find himself so comfortable in this world. Today, he was celebrating comfortably, just as if he'd grown up in this penthouse his entire life, same as Blair. He walked around with ease, knew where everything was kept in the kitchen cabinets and drawers. Allison watched him proudly as he helped the caterers with the same poise and politeness she always instilled in him. There was a harpist and Allison couldn't imagine anything quite as pretentious. She wasn't exactly fond of Blair's lifestyle, her upbringing or her beliefs. She'd be lying if she didn't occasionally wish her son had selected a different woman to make his wife. She was not comfortable around the people that Blair brought into her life, she was not like them, she did not feel the need to associate with them. Normally she would be uncomfortable and bothered that her attempt to dress as prim and proper as her daughter in law had failed, she would find paint splatters on her wrists and thumb and think of nothing else until she excused herself and headed back to Hudson. Allison avoided that place like the plague but somehow still, today she stands in the middle of the bourgeoisie penthouse completely content. She's not worried about how she's under-dressed or fearing someone will judge her. For the last ten minutes she's been standing, her eyes closed, her only grand-baby held close to her heart, she rocks on her feet, back and fourth and kisses her sleeping face repeatedly. Wild horses couldn't drag her out of Eleanor's penthouse today.

"You want to sit down mom?" Dan asked quietly as he snuck up to her, his thumb gliding gently over the sleeping baby's face.

"She's absolutely lovely," she smiled in a whisper, seeing him for the first time that day. "She's gorgeous honey," the look of bliss on her face was something Dan had never seen before.

"Thank-you for coming," he pressed a kiss to her cheek and then watches as his mom lowers the baby, holding her small head in her palm to get another good look at her.

"I cannot believe..." she chuckled softly starring down at Nicky's sleeping face.

"Crazy right?" he smiled gazing down at her. Allison lifted the baby back up to her chest and lets her sleep more comfortably."Do you want to take a break?" Dan asked.

"I'm fine," she closes her eyes again and goes back to softly rocking her.

Dan bit his bottom lip and rubbed his hands together. "Uhh,...Blair kind of..." he pointed at the baby sheepishly not really wanting to take her away.

"Oh,..." she shook her head wondering how long she had been hogging the baby for. "of course. I'll bring her," she swung away from him and headed towards the living-room where Blair waited for Dan.

"You could have just taken her," she smiled sweetly at Blair who looked susprised to see Allison.

"I didn't want..." she tilted her head to the side. "I didn't want to disturb you," she felt like a villain for sending Dan.

"I'll come and get her again later," she smiled at Blair who accepted the baby into her arms.

"We're going to have a family dinner once it clears out. You're welcome to stay,"

"Oh that's okay," Allison cleared her throat and starred adoringly at the baby. She took a hold of her tiny foot for a moment.

"I'll bring her back to you Allison," Blair smiled sweetly. "I'm just having a little separation anxiety," she scrunched her nose wondering if she was being awful for taking the guest of honor away. Dan rounded up Jenny who was sipping pink champagne and talking to Blair's colleagues and coworkers, knowing his mom would sit by herself in a corner or even leave if she didn't find someone she could talk to.

"Did you see her!" Jenny asked brightly as she grabbed her mom and pulled her into a hug.

"I did. She's so beautiful,"

"She's an angel!" Jenny expressed with excitement.

"Daniel!" Eleanor gestured for him to join her, he excused himself from his mom and Jenny and walked over to his Mother-in-law.

While Jenny went on and on talking to her mother about the little dresses that the baby had inspired her to make. Allison couldn't help glancing over at Dan who was laughing heartily with Eleanor and some other well dressed people. A few times she noticed Eleanor look around and ask where_ her_ baby was.

"Where is the guest of honour anyway?" she looked around. "Where's that precious creature?" her eyes darted around looking over people's heads.

"I think Blair stole her," Dan said. After a few minutes Allison looked up hearing her son's voice call across the room.

"Hey mom!" he called. "Mom?" Allison looked over to see Dan trying to get Eleanor's attention which made her feel sick.

"Perfect place for them. That's lovely sweetheart," Eleanor commented on his decision of where to place the flowers that were just sent in.

"Don't leave before you see my granddaughter, she's breathtaking," Eleanor commented before excusing herself from the group of people. Allison looked away as Eleanor approached her. "How are you?" she smiled brightly at Dan's mother. "Have you seen her yet?" she beamed with pride.

"I,...I have," she nodded, clearing her throat.

"I don't know how you managed to stay in Hudson for the last two weeks. I practically lived at Dan and Blair's apartment since the baby was born,"

"I was actually in Los Angeles for Alex's father's funeral,"

"Alex is...?" Eleanor asked.

"My boyfriend," she felt childish for saying that. They had been together over six years and it felt wrong to call him her boyfriend.

"Oh my condolences to him and his family,"

"Thank-you," she inhaled. "I had every intention of being at that hospital when she was born,"

"I'm sure you did dear,"

"She was a few weeks early so I didn't think,...If I had known I wouldn't have left," she defended herself.

"Of course. I'm sure you were very busy for the last_ thirteen days_..." Eleanor had caught her in a lie and it made her angry. "Excuse me," Eleanor made her way towards a few more guests that had just arrived.

"I was busy Jenny. Every-time I called to go over, Eleanor was there and..."

"You need to stop caring what Eleanor thinks of you," Jenny said with flippancy as she went to say hello to Nate's mother who was asking where Blair had run off to.

Now every face was foreign to Allison except the one who was standing contently, watching from afar as Eleanor showed off some expensive gifts she had purchased for the baby.

"is this going to go on her entire life? How do I compete with that?" Allison asked Rufus with a sigh.

"You don't,..." he chuckled to himself. "I can't compete with a man who lives in a French villa and could easily buy her a castle...so i've decided i'm not going to compete,"

"She's going to be so spoiled..." Allison pursed her lips together.

"Yes she is," Rufus nodded affirming her worst fear with nonchalance. "Al," he said seriously. "There's nothing you can do about that. It's inevitable but you have to trust that Dan knows what he's doing. Just because one Grandma might buy her expensive gifts doesn't mean she will love you less." he thought for a moment. "Blair was given everything her heart ever desired. She was showered with expensive gifts her whole life. And you know what? she fell in love with someone who couldn't give her anything," Rufus smiled. "I know you have these ideas of who Blair is but only one thing should matter to you. She loves your son,"

"Well i'm not so sure," she crossed her arms lightly.

"And the truth comes out!" he turned to face her. "What gives you that impression? you are just so stubborn you can't see what's right in front of you. I was weary of him melting into this lifestyle as well, but there's nothing to worry about. He's the same kid Al," he nodded. "that girl loves him,"

Allison began to cross her arms. "We have a granddaughter Al..." he reminded her as he walked away.

"Rufus are you staying for family dinner?" Eleanor asked with a big smile.

"Yes I think I will," he winked at Allison showing how well he could adapt to this change.

**XOXOXOX**

"There you are," Dan found Blair sitting on her childhood bed. "People are asking where the guest of honour is," he climbed up on to the bed.

"I wanted some alone time..." Blair still wondered if she was being awful for keeping the baby to herself.

"Oh I guess i'll just leave then..." he pressed his hands into the duvet.

"Get over here," she grabbed his hand.

"Still sleeping..." he leaned over.

"she was up early,"

Allison climbed the stairs trying to find Dan to say goodbye, she stopped outside Blair's old bedroom when she heard Blair's voice.

"Hi,...hello," she talked to her baby. "Are you awake now? do you want to meet everyone?" she leaned in and kissed her on the head. "You didn't even get to meet your grandma because you were snoozing the whole time," even though Blair was the one talking, the baby's eyes were glued to Dan. Blair lifted her closer to her face. "Hey you..." she spoke to her hoping to get her attention but still her little face and eyes were stuck on Dan in a daze, transfixed like she was hypnotized.

"Your mum is talking to you young lady," Dan said then smiled when she looked even more fascinated by his voice. Her lips parted slightly as she starred in awe.

"Little bit obsessed with daddy..." Blair chuckled. "That's okay, me too," she smiled then bowed her head and kissed the baby. "If you want to go back downstairs and be with our guests i'll join you shortly. I'm just going to change her,"

"They don't even notice i'm gone," he shrugged.

"Please be a good host," she pouted and squeezed his arm.

"Okay, okay," he got up and began to walk out of the room.

"Try again Humphrey..." he turned back and kissed her on the lips.

"Thank you for throwing this party," she said genuinely.

"I don't think it's as good as one of your parties but I think I did an okay job,..."

"It's perfect," she leaned in and kissed him again. "I love you so much,"

"I love you too Daisy," he said before he headed to the door. "Oh hey," Dan ran into his mom the moment he walked out. "Blair's just changing her, you can have her back as soon as she comes down,"

"That's okay. I'm going to head out," she pulled him into a hug. "I'm so happy for you and Blair," she kissed him on the cheek. "It was a long road,"

"Mhmm," he nodded.

"From what I see you're going to be a great father and Blair seems like a lovely mother,...and wife," she smirked.

"That means a lot considering I know how you used to feel about her,"

"I never disliked her. No matter what you say, I didn't. I was just unsure if she was right for you. I know she is," she nodded.

"You should trust my judgement,"

"Well, you're the one that dated Serena..."

"...low blow," he laughed then pulled her in for another hug.

A couple hours later everyone had left but the few remaining family members including Dorota, Vanya and their little six year-old Ana. Dan had finished pulling down the decorations and helped Dorota and some of the caterers bring trays and extra food back into the kitchen. They all had dinner together, sitting at the huge dining-room table with the new member of the family. The baby was passed around the table as she slept, they ate and enjoyed each-others company. When they were done with dessert, Blair snuck away and sat in the corner of the sofa. Her legs crossed in lacy, patterned tights. Her toes bouncing up and down lightly as she fed her newborn baby a bottle away from the noisy kitchen. She could hear Dan and Harold talking, Eleanor and Roman laughing about something but she was content just sitting here with newest person in her life.

"Wher'd you get her from?" Ana curled up on the couch beside Blair as she fed Nicky her bottle. Her eyes were closed and she knew she had more interest in sleep then food.

"Where all babies come from" Blair answered, trying to wake Nicky up so she would eat by stroking her cheek gingerly.

"But she wasn't in your belly" Ana knew where babies grew and she had seen Blair enough to know there was not baby inside her.

"No," she looked up from the baby and smiled at Ana's little face. "But i'm still her mommy,"

"How?" he asked genuinely curious.

"Well, you have baby dolls right?" she nodded.

"Yes,"

"Well, this is my baby doll," Blair lifted Nicky and placed her over her shoulder and rubbed her back in a circular motion. A tiny bubble emerged and Blair smiled at her adoringly.

"You buyed her from a store?" Ana asked.

"Umm,..something like that," Blair giggled bringing the baby back into her arms.

"She's a cute one," Ana commented looking at the baby with a sweet smile.

Blair smiled brightly at the six year-old's compliment, "Thank-you,...You want to hold her?" she asked.

"Can I?"

"Of course, just sit right here" Blair stood up. Dan entered the living-room and gave Blair an awry smile wondering how Ana talked her into this. Eleanor smiled brightly and asked Dorota to fetch her camera. After a few photos, Blair rubbed the back of Dan's shoulder with a gulp.

"Get her..." she said under her breath.

"What?" he didn't quite hear her.

"Pick her up right now," she spoke through clenched teeth that formed a fake smile. "I can't do it, you have to,"

"Why? she's got her,..." he crossed his arms loosely still amused at how sweet the two of them looked in the corner of the couch while everyone around started talking Blair's eyes were still attached to her baby watching her little head start to roll to the side of Ana's chubby little five year-old arm. A sharp cry came from the baby and Dan dropped to his knees in front of the couch.

"Okay!" he scooped the baby out of Ana's arms. She looked alarmed by the loud baby cries.

"Thank-you for holding her," Dan smiled at Ana who beamed with pride and slipped off the couch.

"I think we should head home," Blair said to Dan who nodded as he rocked back and fourth on his heels and calmed the baby.

"I was thinking you might want to stay," Eleanor overheard them.

"Stay here?"

"Everyone's here why don't we just spend the night as a family and in the morning we'll have breakfast. You know there's clothes upstairs,...Nicky can sleep in the pram, she practically did that all day today anyway,"

"Mom, it's not even a holiday,"

"Please. It's storming out there," Blair looked to Dan and he shrugged.

"Okay we'll stay over. If you're sure you're okay with midnight feedings,... they are bound to wake you up. She has a set of lungs on her when she's hungry," she warned.

"I want you to stay,"

"Harold, Roman, bring the pram up to Blair's room," Eleanor ordered.

After a night cap, Dan looked down to see the baby sound asleep.

"I'm going to go put her down," Dan let Eleanor give her one last kiss before he headed up the stairs.

"Goodnight darling," she pressed a tender kiss on her head then kissed Dan on the cheek telling him goodnight.

"Okay,..I'll be there in a sec," Blair smiled at Dan as he trotted up the familiar steps of the penthouse with a receiving blanket over his shoulder. Blair watched him climb the stairs with the eyes of a hawk slowly realizing she was worrying about nothing, he wasn't going to drop her.

"You look really happy" Eleanor smiled as Blair collected all the baby items from the living-room.

"_I'm so happy_,.." tears filled her eyes. "You have no idea mom,"

"Yes I do," she smiled and kissed her daughter's head. "Don't cry,...Don't,...everything is wonderful," she cupped her cheeks. Blair considered this to be an unusual display of affection from Eleanor.

"Yeah," Blair nodded, wiping her eyes.

"Goodnight, i'll see you in the morning,"

Blair headed up stairs to find Dan laying on her old bed with the baby on his chest. "So much for putting her down," Blair got up on the bed and snuggled close to Dan.

"I don't want to put her down," he ran his hand gently along her curved back.

"I love that she still looks like a little turtle" Blair referred to their daughter's fetal position as she slept on Dan's chest.

"Old habits die hard," he touched one of her little white socks.

"How did you know? _that_ is my favourite movie" he teased pretending it was a new fact.

"That cinematic masterpiece? I thought it was everyone's favourite film," she laughed lightly before laying her head down on Dan's chest so her lips were touching Nicky's head.

"I love her so much" she whispered so she didn't wake her.

"I love her more,"

"That's impossible," she lifted herself up to kiss him gently on the lips.

"You know the last time we slept in here,..."

"We weren't even married!" Blair's eyes widened. "What would your Nana say?"

Dan chuckled softly, "Look what I found," he gestured to the book on the nightstand.

"My scrapbook," she laughed.

"How much do you think has changed?"

"Um probably everything" she laughed, "except the ring," she studied it for a moment.

"I really broke the bank for that,"

"I know," she says almost sadly.

"I had to get Nate to pay my share of the rent for awhile," he scratched his eyebrows thinking he must have been crazy.

"You didn't have to,"

"Yes I did. You deserve that ring," he kissed her gently. "I paid Nate back, all good,"

"How much was it actually?" she asked still starring at it's sparkle.

"Hah! as if i'd ever reveal that,"

"Give me a price range,"

"Okay,...it was more expensive than her..." his eyes fell to the sleeping baby on his chest.

"Really?" she looked impressed.

"Mhmm,"

"But not nearly as valuable,"

"Not nearly," he agreed bowing his head and pressing his lips to her soft peach fuzz hair. "I'm going to change,"

Moments later she watches her husband exit the washroom all muscle and sinew in nothing but a pair of Cyrus' old, silk pajama pants. Eleanor gave them to him for his birthday that year. He refused to wear for them being much too long and wouldn't even consider getting them hemmed for they were pajamas. Blair doesn't hate Cyrus for this because she loves the way they hang off Dan's hips and expose his pelvic bones slightly. "Stylish right?" He asks doing a spin. Blair blows air through her teeth with a tired laugh as she lays back and glances up at him a smile playing ever so gently on her lips. His daily jogs in the park and his frequent trips to the gym have done everything to maintain Blair's unquenchable lust for him.

He walks over to the pram and stares down into it as he contemplates. Before she can ask what's wrong the baby starts making tiny fussing noises. "Mmfh...mmf," her tiny face contorts. Dan picks her up with ease, her head resting between his thumb and index finger. She's silent. Blair continues to watch him hold her against his chest. Her little socked feet move a little and Blair smiles adoringly. "You just want to be held hmm?" Dan lowers his head so he can see her face and notices she's sleeping comfortably. "Put her down," Blair says like its an order, as if she knows what he's considering. He looks up at her and cocks an eyebrow.

"No," she shook her head. "She's not sleeping with us," Blair has an unreasonable fear that they would fall asleep and crush her if they ever let her on the bed with them at this time of night. She's even had nightmares about it and woken up in the middle of the night in a panic until she realizes Nicky is sleeping safely in her basinet.

Dan eventually gives up and gently puts her back down. He hovers above her and makes sure she's asleep. "Dan.." He ignores her as his hand disappears into the pram so he can fix her blankets. "Do you think this thing is on an angle?" He looks at the wheels then rests his hand on the bedding.

"It's fine," Blair said.

"I don't know if they're supposed to be slept in,"

"It's a stroller Dan," he continues to look down at the baby contemplating."I wish we brought her bassinet. How old is this thing?" he's still fixing the blankets. He then gently touches her arm. "She's a little warm,"

"Dan.." When he looks up she smiles sweetly. "She's fine sweetie," she pats the other side of the bed encouraging him to join her.

Baby wakes her parents first with soft whimpering,they both spring to their feet at the same time. When her crying is louder and more shrill her grandparents wake up as-well.

"Ok ok ok" Blair gently taps on her bottom as she paces back in fourth. Dan has already made his way downstairs to heat up a bottle. It's times like this that Blair is more than aware that she didn't give birth to her. When she can't comfort her baby and feed her by simply pulling down her shirt, when they have to wait and heat a bottle. She could cry at times like these but she never does because before long the baby has her bottle and Dan is pressing kisses to Blair's shoulder.

**XOXOXOX**

**A/N:** Did I clear up anything? I will bring back the Serena stuff in the next chapter. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to post this near "Nicky's Birthday" I was going to wait until the actual 16th but I won't be around to post it on the 16th and i'd rather be early then belated. Like i've said before I really try to put these chapters out in the right order. I hope you aren't too upset I didn't get right to the Serena stuff but we'll get there! Serena is NOT pregnant in the flashback of last chapter. It'll all be explained in the next chapter. And I feel like any question you have will be answered before it's over. I hope you liked it :)


	26. And Then He Kissed Me

**A/N: Thank-you! **From the bottom of my heart, i'm so touched by all the positive feedback I read. You all rock! I know this took forever but I was extremely busy. Now that i'm coming down to the very last ties of my story I was hoping you could tell me what you need to read for closure. I think i've covered all my bases in the outline I created for myself.. but I fear a few of you might have questions when all is said and done. So help me help you and let me know what you want to read before this is done and i'll be sure to make sure it's on the huge list that i've already made for myself. Example: some of you said you want Nate's love life situation sorted out so i'm working on that. If you read between the lines you'll know what my plan is for Nate. I believe i've hinted at it for quite some time and i'll continue to do so in this chapter. Again, i'm sorry it took so long. Enjoy!

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

**AND THEN HE KISSED ME**

**BY: THE CRYSTALS**

**FROM: GOODFELLAS**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**Q&A:**

**GUEST: **Also, was it just me but was/is something going on between Nina and Nate?

**FQ: **You'll see soon enough but I don't think the outcome will be what any of you expect. If you guess what my epilogue will look like, i'll be completely shocked.

**Njooge: **Do Allison and Rufus know about Dan's drug problem?

**FQ:** No they don't. Only Blair, Nate and now Nina know about it.

**Guest:** Blair was so obsessed about that all 'perfection' and 'healthiness' of Nicky, is that mean that with Connor they had problems with his development during pregnancy or something

**FQ: **Not exactly. You'll learn a little bit more this chapter. And the reason she is obsessed might take a little longer for you to understand. I have mentioned it but I haven't revealed in great detail why she's "obsessed" yet. It's a Blair thing and it'll make sense.

**XOXOXOXOX**

Blair clamped down on her bottom lip and closed her eyes feeling that amazing, pulsing release through her entire body. Her toes curled without consent as she shivered and willed herself to remain completely silent while Dan left open mouthed kisses all along her jaw and continued in pursuit of his own release. She wanted him to know what he just did to her, she wanted to scream, to moan, to pant but she wouldn't allow herself to make a sound. Blair breathed deeply through her nose, trying to catch her breath while still not making a peep. Dan makes a soft bellow above her and closes his eyes, she knows they're both extremely satisfied. They can only hear the sound of their own hearts beating strong and steady as they come down. Blair drew circles over Dan's chest, her bare back was exposed right down to her tail bone as Dan's fingertips gently tickled along her spine. She relaxes against him even though she knows she should leave. she wants to talk but she can't, the moment is too beautiful to ruin. After nearly ten luxurious minutes of lying together in perfect afterglow she leans up and presses her lips against his. Blair's eyes dart around the room and Dan knows what's on her mind.

"I'll set an alarm for six," Dan whispered against her lips. The offer is enticing and Blair settles back down beside him. As soon as Dan sets his phone back down on the nightstand they resume their comfortable position with her laying on his chest. His bed is soft, warm and smells exactly the same as the blanket she used to own. Dan's skin is hot against hers, he smells like the past which is intoxicating and oh so tempting.

Morning comes quickly. Before Blair even opens her eyes she revels in this moment. Dan is pressed against her back, his arm lazily thrown over her hip. She feels safe, relaxed and exactly where she belongs. With Nicky sleeping just down the hall she knows nothing could feel more perfect in the universe. Dan hasn't budged since the alarm went off so Blair turned to face him, she laid her head on the pillow and smiled as he made a soft mumble. They used to tell Nicky that the reason Dan slept on the couch during their darker days was because he snored, nothing could be further from the truth. He was always silent and peaceful when he slept. This was probably the only time Blair thought Nicky resembled her father. Her heart swells as she watches him sleep, she doesn't want to wake him but she knows she can't leave without saying bye. The second alarm goes off, much louder than the first one, Dan's eyes flutter open and settle on Blair. "I wish I didn't have to leave," she whispered.

"She won't be up until 8:30," he says through his tired eyes.

"_That's too risky_," she whispered.

"I'll wake you up at seven," he assures her.

The next time Dan's alarm goes off Blair nearly panics not knowing what time it is. She finds herself alone and dresses quickly. She peeks her head out the door before daintily walking out to the kitchen to see Dan starring out at the busy city streets covered with cabs and people walking their dogs. The sun has barely come up and already everyone is starting their day. Blair doesn't want to start her day, she doesn't want to do her usual Saturday shopping, she doesn't want to have lunch with Nina or visit her mother, and regretfully she doesn't even want to include Nicky today. She wants to get back into Dan's bed and pretend they're twenty years-old again. She regrets not cherishing every moment where they didn't have to sneak around like this. If they were still married they could stay in bed as long as they wanted, they could tell Nicky to give them ten more minutes, they could have some freedom. The melancholy of their reality sets in and Blair feels nauseous. The sick feeling only disappears when Dan turns and sees her watching him.

"_Is that for me?_" she asked softly referring to the mug he was holding. Dan nodded before handing it to her. "_Thank-you_," she whispered while taking in the warmth and rich smell of the steamy, black, cup of coffee.

"I want to take you away," he said out of nowhere in a soft but precise voice.

"I'm listening," her eyes sparkled.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

Blair is going about her usual Monday when one of her writers disturbs her peaceful morning tea. "My horoscope is ridiculously accurate today!" Celina shouts to everyone in the office.

"Probably because it's completely general and could apply to everyone..." Lint displays his skepticism in a scoff.

"No, it's like really,..." she sighs looking at it again. "It said I would be surprised by good news this morning, they're adapting my favourite book into a film! I just read it online. It said I would run into an old friend or acquaintance, I just said hi to two people I knew from high-school on my way over here this morning, and it also said that I would feel stress in my professional life and look at my inbox!" she gestured to the stack of papers on her desk.

"Coincidence," Lint continued typing on his computer.

Since Celina's announcement Blair has fallen into an astrology hole. She, like Celina, found her daily horoscope to be quite accurate today. Now she's been sitting at her desk for over an hour reading astrology charts and compatibility matches on various horoscope sites. She has a notebook out and quickly writes down all the family members she knows then finds what all the sites have in common about compatibility.

**Mom and Dad** = Capricorn and Leo. (Mom is a planner, dad is a dreamer who she will never fully trust) INCOMPATIBLE. _Not to mention dad is gay._

**Rufus and Allison** = Cancer and Pisces. (Rufus is homebound and doesn't understand Allison's need for adventure) INCOMPATIBLE

She takes a moment and calls Nate to ask for the Captain's birthday. She knows Anne's birthday since she sends flowers every year.

**The Captain and Anne** = Aries and Virgo. (Anne is too fussy for The Captain's easy-going, enjoy-life to the fullest, attitude) INCOMPATIBLE

Blair stares at her notebook and believes it must be a coincidence that all three failed marriages fall under horoscopes that are not typically considered compatible. She moves on from couples who have divorced to couples who never married.

**Nina and Drew** = Virgo and Libra. (Nina is a practical perfectionist and will hurt Drew's feelings with her honesty) INCOMPATIBLE

**Chuck and I **=Aries and Scorpio. (These signs will fight for control of everything) INCOMPATIBLE

**Dan and Serena** =

She feels sick thinking about what might be said about these two but she's curious.

**Dan and Serena** = Taurus and Gemini. (Dan is too stubborn and practical for restless Serena)

Blair feels a slight relief as she writes **_INCOMPATIBLE_**, in capital letters. Now she takes a moment and searches her sign and Dan's.

Dan and Blair = Taurus and Scorpio. (It's either heaven or hell. Intense and stormy but endures.) **COMPATIBLE **

Blair feels silly as her eyes get a little misty over reading something she really wanted to find.

**_When Taurus and Scorpio come together in a love affair, their union is nothing if not intense, whether that's in a positive or a negative way. They are opposite Signs in the Zodiac, giving them a special, complex connection. They can combine to make a whole, each partner's strengths balancing the other's weaknesses. Their sexual attraction is likely to be off the charts! Taurus and Scorpio have tons in common, but because their personalities are so powerful, they often swing between passionate love and passionate disagreement!_**

**_Taurus and Scorpio both have deep desires, Taurus for possessions and Scorpio for power. They're both concerned with wealth_****_ and resources, and they're both intensely passionate about all sorts of things. Taurus is a bit more self-focused than Scorpio, who is more concerned with their love and immediate family. Both of these Signs have a great, deep-rooted need for security in a relationship, but with slightly different focuses. While Taurus prizes honesty and forthrightness and abhors infidelity, Scorpio loves to be mysterious. A Scorpio's need for security is more about the need to be constantly reassured that their emotional connection with their loved one is strong. The good thing is, Taurus needs this reassurance too — and is also willing to provide it for their Scorpio lover._**

**_Taurus is ruled by Venus (Love and Money_****_) and Scorpio is ruled by Mars (Passion) and Pluto (Power). This combination is very intense, thanks to Pluto's influence, but it's an excellent balance of masculine and feminine energy. Scorpio and Taurus together form the basis of all love relationships — love and passion. Venus and Mars go well together; Venus is about the beauty of romance, and Mars is about the passion of romance. Scorpio is smoldering and intense (and intensely sexual), and Taurus, a sensual and tireless lover, is attracted to this intensity. In turn, Scorpio enjoys the devotion inherent in Venus-ruled Taurus._**

**_Taurus is an Earth Sign and Scorpio is a Water Sign. Scorpio tends to be very deep — like an ocean_****_, too much upset will cause a tidal wave! When Scorpio feels crossed by a lover, watch out for that Scorpion's tail, which can whip out and sting their lover without warning! It's a good thing that these two Signs are so strongly loyal to each other. But while Taurus is open, with everything laid bare on the surface, Scorpio is more secretive and inscrutable. They can both teach one another about their opposite views of life (direct versus complex). Another factor adding a tantalizing dimension to this union is the two Signs' mutual tendency toward jealousy. Taurus loves it when Scorpio displays their jealous — it means Taurus is adored and appreciated. _**

**_Taurus and Scorpio are both Fixed Signs. This means they're both pretty stubborn and resolute once their minds are made up. Let's hope their minds agree — if not, they're prone to fights the likes of which neither experiences_****_ with any other Sign. Taurus seems to prevail as the dominant partner, but that's not always the case. Scorpio can 'win' through more devious means, such as employing emotional manipulation to get what they want. These partners must learn to discuss their views and needs openly and to reach a compromise if they want their union to be lasting and happy. This largely depends on Scorpio's ability to learn to trust Taurus. The relationship will only fail if the two partners truly cannot overcome their opinionated, fixed stances._**

**_What's the best aspect of the Taurus-Scorpio relationship? Their powerful connection that can shine when obstacles to intimacy are cleared away. When Scorpio realizes that Taurus is there for the long term and won't create the misery that some Scorpios attract to their lives, this relationship can blossom._**

Blair is at a loss for words when she finishes reading. She gets up and walks through her office with a bounce in her step. "Did you read your horoscope today Blair?" Celina asks. "Everyone's is crazy accurate,"

"Oh I don't believe in that stuff,"

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

Nina watches as a parade of card-less gifts find themselves on Blair's desk all week. First a small box of macaroons that work their way up into an enormous arrangement of peonies and hydrangeas. Every day without fail something is sent to Blair by messenger or flower company. The whole office is buzzing with assumptions and guesses of who could be wooing their boss in this way. "I bet it's Bergdorfs,..." Celina said quietly to Sarah. "I heard they want her to take the buyer position so badly, they're willing to pay her double,"

"You've got to be kidding," Lint was eavesdropping from his desk. "If that was true, she would have already accepted the offer,"

"Okay then tell me who you think is responsible for all these gifts," Celina asked.

"If you don't get back to work i'm going to write you all up," Nina's voice ended their conversation in an instant. "Celina you're taking forever with that interview, i'll give it to Lint if you don't finish it by tonight," she didn't take her eyes off her computer screen.

"It'll be done within the hour, chill..." she immediately wished she didn't say that as Nina stood and told her leave. "I really didn't mean to say that, it just flew out of my mouth and i'm sorry,"

"I said you can leave," Nina's voice became authoritative and demanding.

"I don't want to leave Nina," she gulped and looked around uncomfortably as the whole floor went silent.

"Well you should have thought of that before," Nina pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. "What are you waiting for? go," she crossed her arms.

Celina grabbed her bag and left not knowing what else she could do. "Well I don't want Blair to leave now..." Sarah cracked a joke. Nina was a much more easy going boss than Blair but it didn't seem that way today.

Nina glanced up from her computer screen to see Blair laughing and smiling at a delivery man who seemed to be dropping off her lunch. "All the way from Brooklyn!" Blair took the bag into her hand. "Thank-you!" she glanced into the bag and her smile became bigger when she saw a note. The delivery man left refusing a tip, saying that it was already taken care of. "Are you sure?" she stood in the doorway of her office as he waved and made his way to the elevator. Nina continued to watch as Blair pulled out the note and smiled brightly.

**Since we can't have lunch together, I thought we could have the same lunch**

**-me. **

Blair pulled out her phone and quickly shot Dan a text. **You dork! - B**

**Right on schedule!, wanna have a Skype date? -D**

**Be on in 5! -B**

Annoyed and full of criticism Nina scrunched up her face as she eyed Blair from her desk. Nina normally wouldn't blame a girl for taking care of her physical needs but it's starting to get overwhelmingly obnoxious and she can't support this new development, not yet anyway. It's apparent that Dan and Blair still haven't worked out any real issues and she's getting aggravated by their childishness. However, at the end of this particular day, Nina has something on her mind that has nothing to do with Blair.

The next day, Nina sighs while Blair stands near the printer, giggling with a phone pressed against her ear. She's so occupied with her phone-call she doesn't realize she's standing in Nina's way.

"What are your plans for thanksgiving? I'm aware it's in three weeks, you're telling me you haven't though about it until now?" she laughs. "Typical man. What? no,...your mom never does Thanksgiving," she scoffed. "Well you can come to my mom's, Nicky would like that,"

Nina stood still trying to get by, Blair smacked her with her hair as she turned.

"Whatever Humphrey, call me later tonight. Bye," she smiles into the receiver. "What's wrong with you?" Blair scoffs as Nina brushes past her to get to her desk.

"Did I say something?" Nina asked with attitude as she leaned back in her chair.

"What's going on?" she asked hanging over her desk. "Nina, I know you don't approve but acting like a bitch isn't going to change my mind on the matter," she dropped a file folder on Nina's desk. "If you could just,..." she glanced up at the ceiling, "put yourself in my shoes for just a minute,"

Nina bit back several speeches that she had written in her head and half-nodded. "I'm not judging you. You do what you have to do," she opened the folder. Blair closed it and looked closely at her best-friend confused at why she gave up so easily.

"You've been weird all week. All you do is work, you don't really talk to anyone, you haven't gossiped, I haven't seen you paint your nails at your desk or shoe shop online," she let out a gentle laugh. "I know something is up and if you would just tell me maybe I could help. Truth be told i'm itching to scheme so if...,"

"Nothing is wrong," she forced a smile.

"I hope you're not upset that i'm no longer single and ready to mingle with you every weekend anymore,"

Nina laughed, "We went out three times and you know how successful that was,"

"You're not upset i'm no longer single?"

"You were married to Dan for over a decade and dated Patrick for most of the time you weren't with Dan. I'm used to you being in a relationship,... and while I do think you have some things to work out, i'm happy you're happy," she smiled genuinely. "You know I love Dan," she said. "No matter how much I tease him, you know,"

"I do," she smiled thinking of their love-hate relationship.

"...He's my smoking buddy," she added causing Blair to shake her head with disapproval.

"If you're okay with me and Dan, tell me why you're acting so weird,"

"...I," Nina inhaled. "I had a fight with my mother," she lied and tucked her long blonde strands of hair behind her ears.

"You always fight with your mother," Blair smirked.

"This time was different," she said quickly before pointing to the door where a man with a bouquet stood. "Your gentleman caller is at it again," Nina's eyebrows wiggled trying to act more like herself.

"OH!" Blair rushed over, taking quick strides in her platform pumps. "Those must be for me!" she smiled at the delivery man. "Roses?" she questioned as she got closer. "_Why would he send roses?_" she asked under her breath. Dan had been sending her flowers for years, he never once sent her roses.

"These are for someone named Nina," the delivery man said.

"Oh..." Blair looked over at Nina who looked up completely shocked and frozen in place. "Nina these are for you," Blair smiled while calling her over. Nina got up out of her desk and walked over to read the card, she held it tightly in her hand then ran to the washroom with tears in her eyes while crumpling the card into a tight ball.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

"What are you doing here Serena?" He was shocked to see the blonde sitting in his desk chair. Ellie told him his wife was there to see him and he couldn't be more shocked to see who was there instead.

"I just missed you," she made a pouty face then let out a sharp giggle that made Dan cringe. Serena was barely wearing anything. Her top exposed her midsection and her skirt could pass for doll clothing.

"What did you do to my office?" he asked with distinct alarm in his voice when he walked in.

"Oh come on," her lips pulled into a smirk. " I thought you were a huge fan of nostalgia..." she gestured to the hundreds of paper snowflakes that covered his walls and windows. "god, you used to be fun. But I guess that's what Blair does to people. She just sucks the fun out of them and creates a dark cloud of boring,"

"Nostalgia? Some things should stay in past Serena," he put his coffee cup on his desk. "You can leave now," he said sternly.

"How did you like those pictures I sent you?" she swiveled in his desk chair, her lips formed a devilish smirk. "_How did Blair like them?_" her voice dropped an octave. Dan wondered how she could be proud of herself for doing something so evil.

"Didn't I just say you could leave?" he barely made eye-contact as he ripped down some of the snowflakes she had secured to his walls.

"Don't like snowflakes Dan?,...don't remind you of anything? yeah I was so good to you..."

"Okay Serena, I think you've over stayed your welcome,"

"I like it here,..." she pouted again, still swiveling. "Oh. my. god," she seemed quite amused by the photo on Dan's desk. "Is this what I think it is?" her hand reached up, Dan quickly grabbed a hold of her wrist and pulled her up out of his chair then walked her to the exit. She wobbled drunkenly and her eyes were lazy and barely open. "You don't have to be so rough, i'll do anything you want," she let out a sharp giggle that sounded like a cackle. "_Anything_," she stuck her tongue out at him.

"Bye Serena!" he shut his door in her face.

As soon as Serena was gone Dan walked straight up to Ellie who had a stack of manuscripts in her hands. "That is not my wife," he said sternly. "Who told you that was my wife? There is a photo of my wife on my desk, does that woman look anything like her?"

"Well,...no but she said,..."

"Do you understand why i'm upset right now?"

"Yes..." she nodded with a gulp.

"God, you've met her Ellie!" his voice raised. "She visits me all the time! and you don't know what she looks like?!" he was completely dumbfounded, he knew Ellie wasn't a good secretary but he didn't know she was this bad. "she's brunette, five foot four and pregnant,...how hard is it to tell the difference?"

"I'm a secretary!" Ellie dropped the manuscripts on his desk with a loud thump. "Do you know how many men i've worked for that have mistresses? do you know how they call of them their "wives" because they forgot that I met her before? It's not my business!"

"You thought Serena was my mistress?" just saying it out-loud was absurd.

"Yes!" she admitted.

"You can leave now," he turned back towards his office and continued ripping down the snowflakes. Through his building rage, his cell-phone rang, he took a calming breath when he saw it was Blair trying to get a hold of him.

"Hey you!" he answers cheerfully, overcompensating to ensure Blair didn't suspect anything was wrong."How did everything go?" Dan wedged his phone between his ear and shoulder still trying to clean up the snowflakes that Serena had managed to wallpaper his entire office in.

"He's getting cuter everyday," her voice sounded completely ecstatic. "I have new pictures and his face is so clear Dan," she gushed blissfully.

"Who does he look like?" Dan asked.

"...Well maybe they aren't that clear," she chuckled.

"Did the doctor say anything about him kicking?" he enquired.

"No but get this, he moves his fingers like crazy. He'll probably be a pianist or guitarist like we originally thought,"

"...Skips a generation," Dan nodded thinking about his father's musical talent.

Blair made a humming sound still sounding completely content. "Classical guitar though..., something prestigious, no son of mine will be in a garage band, skipping University and trying to make it big...ugh," she shuddered at the thought.

"Blair,..." Dan rolled his eyes.

"Dan,..." she sung.

"We've already discussed this. We're not planning his life, we're not making choices for him,"

"Humphrey don't even pretend that if our son decides to forgo college and join a band, it won't kill the scholar in you. You know it'll drive you nuts if he gives up his education,"

"As long as he's passionate i'll be supportive,"

"I'm having visions of him with long hair and a nose piercing, no interest in college and zero knowledge of art history,...i'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it,...not the good kind,"

"Blair the more you push, the harder they rebel,"

"He's not joining a band," she said definitively.

"He can join a band if he wants to. He can even start his own band!, or he can be a mechanic, a car salesman, a plumber, or even a teacher, hell Blair he can wear dresses if it makes him happy,"

There was a few seconds of silence then Blair spoke up, "...he's still in utero we can probably contemplate his career prospects in a few more years," she laughed. "But it's good to know where you stand,"

"Yeah he's still got a few months in the oven before he faces the harsh reality of his mother breathing down his neck and forcing him to choose Yale over Harvard,"

"Humphrey, you have high expectations my dear,"

"Oh so you're willing to admit he might not be Ivy league material?"

"Maybe it skips a generation," she joked.

"Well, he's already pretty smart. He knows how to push your buttons with that no-kicking business,"

"He's just comfortable!" Blair argued.

"So you'll stop complaining?"

"No, I'm still determined to feel a kick,"

"masochist,..."

Blair laughed, "I'm almost home. I'll see you a little later,"

"Okay, I love you. See you soon,"

"Love you too, bye"

"How much fucking tape..." Dan continued to rip at his walls wondering how Serena managed to do all this in the twenty minutes he was on another floor.

**XOXOXOX**

"You ready to go to lunch?" Nate looked up from his video game when Blair walked into the apartment with both hands on her back, her belly looking larger than he had ever seen.

"Can I sit down for two seconds," she huffed. "When we get home from lunch i'm putting on Dan's sweatpants and i'm not leaving bed," she sighed. "...and i'll kill you if you tell a soul," she threatened.

Nate began to smile at her and she made a face. "What?" she asked. Nate couldn't wipe the smile off his face, "I'm not joking around. Don't mess with me," she said seriously.

"You just,..." she shrugged, "you look cute," he said giving her a glance.

"What makes me cute Nate? my pallid skin tone? my sweaty forehead?..." she immediately didn't believe his compliment.

He shrugged still staring with a little smirk, "You're having a baby..." he said it as if he had just now realized. Blair considered making a snarky comment about him just figuring that out but smiled instead.

"_It's hard work_," she felt her lip tremble slightly starting to feel sorry for herself. Her emotions snapped back and fourth like this all the time.

"Aww," Nate got up and pulled her into a hug.

"Nate, can I tell you something?" she asked softly while running her thumb under her eye to make sure her watery eyes weren't causing her mascara to run.

"Absolutely," he nodded.

"I'm terrified," she confessed looking up at him with her huge, doe eyes.

"Of what? you're you're going to be a rockstar at child birth I know it. You're the toughest chick I know," he smiled.

"Obviously," she said pretending she actually felt that way. "However, i'm more concerned about what happens after. _This is a boy_.." she pressed her lips together. "_I don't know how to have a boy_...," she squeaked. "I don't know where to start when it comes to caring for a baby. Those books aren't as detailed as they should be!" her eyes were still large and fearful. "I just feel like,...surely caring for a girl would come much more naturally," Nate just laughed at her still looking at her bump with a soft smile. "I'm a girl. And I don't think I know how to deal with a boy,"

"Well,...your husband is a boy," Nate said simply. "and you've got me..., I'm a boy," he was clearly amused with her and her silly fears as he smirked.

"You make a valid point," she stared at him, feeling very stupid. "I'll let you in on a secret but you have to promise not to tell Dan,"

"GO!" he rubbed his hands together.

"We're taking you out to lunch to ask you to be Connor's godfather," she smiled.

"Oh I know," he shrugged.

"You do?"

"Yeah Nina told me,"

"What a bitch,..." Blair said under her breath as her eyes darted around. Nate repeated the word "godfather" over and over in different dialects, tones and accents.

"Just let me put my shoes back on,..." she walked to the foyer of the apartment. "and i'll walk myself..." she rolled her eyes when she noticed Nate had already left. She slipped on her heels quickly and gave herself a once over in the full length mirror. Lips moved side to side then a ragged sigh came as she decided to wear the flats Dan bought her. God knows she hated flats, but she promised him she'd avoid heels as much as possible now. If nothing else, Dan's powerpoint presentation entitled "**Victoria Beckham doesn't always wear heels**" made her see how serious he was. She felt short and frumpy as she walked down the street in her non-heels.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**Present**

"How was school?" Dan asked as Nicky raced to him from the brick building, her uniform wrinkled and disheveled, pink backpack slung over her shoulder.

"Redundant and boring," she answered.

"Sex ed is done?" Dan enquired why she had fallen out of love with school as of late.

"Yes," she huffed.

"What do you want for dinner? we have to pick something up because i'm gone for the weekend," he straightened his tie.

"What? isn't mommy gone this weekend?" she said sadly.

"Yeah, Nate will stay with you tonight and Nina will have you Saturday. Mommy will pick you up from Nina's Sunday afternoon," he explained.

"Okay!" she thought this sounded fun.

After they finished eating, Nicky watched her dad pack up his small suitcase with over-night necessities. He fastened his watch on and straightened his tie. The one thing she noticed was her dad who usually complained about business trips and groaned the whole time was chipper as ever. He even hummed to himself while untangling a pair of ear buds.

"I love you, be good," he kissed her on the side of the head before rushing out.

**XOXOXO**

"Alright, we're right on track," Nate checked the alarm clock beside her bed. "You brushed your teeth right?" he asked Nicky.

"Mhmm," she got under the covers.

"Need anything else?" he began to walk over to the door to shut off the lights.

"Nate," Nicky said his name meekly and he became immediately aware that something was wrong.

"What's up dude?" he asked as he walked back over and sat on the edge of her bed.

"If I ask you something will you promise to tell me the truth?" she was facing the wall and mumbled a little into her pillow.

"Uh,.." he nodded reluctantly. "yeah,"

"_Does my dad have a girlfriend?_" she asked softly.

"Not that I know of. Why do you ask?"

"Umm," she felt uncomfortable. "I found earrings on his nightstand," she turned to face him and Nate could see her eyelashes clumped together with tears.

"Oh," he gulped not knowing exactly how to go about this. "Nic, your dad is going to get himself a girlfriend someday, you know that," he said softly. "He deserves a companion,"

"I know," she squeezed her pillow and turned to the side. "I just don't know why I haven't met her," she sniffed, her throat was sore.

Nate placed his hand on her back, "You'll meet her. I haven't met her yet if that makes you feel better,"

"My mom told me about Patrick, why does my dad keep secrets from me?"

"Nicky, it's possible your dad doesn't know if this is going to be a long lasting relationship and he doesn't want to bring you into it,"

"You know Nate, I want my mom and dad to be happy but I don't really like that they're dating. Does that make me a bad person?" she asked seriously.

"No," he shook his head. "When my parents got divorced I really hated the idea of them being with other people. And I didn't even care if they were happier with other people, I told myself i'd rather them be together and miserable than happy and separated. But that's not really fair and it's not really true either. I wanted my mom and dad to be happy and eventually I realized that my mom's boyfriend was a really nice guy and my dad's girlfriend was really cool and interesting." Nicky was holding on to every word, her eyes were so wide and Nate could never help but see Blair.

"And look at your dad's parents, your dad thinks Alex is a great guy. And your mommy loves Roman and Cyrus with all her heart. Someday your mom and dad might bring new people into your life and they might be great, you might even love them," Nicky's bottom lip shook.

"I know that I should feel that way but I don't!" a tear rolled down her cheek. Nate's head tilted to the side with sympathy, he pulled her into a tight hug when she burst into tears.

"I know sweetie,"

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

"...Hey, I thought we were meeting at the restaurant," Dan asked quizzically as Nate startled him with a knock on his office wall.

"We were but Blair bullied me into checking out the view of your office. She's been bragging about it all week..." he looked around at the windows. "So I thought i'd take a peek but it seems your windows are covered in _paper snowflakes_..." he blinked with confusion. "Want to explain what happened here?"

"Serena happened..." he sighed.

"Uhm?" he was clearly confused.

"She wants Blair to think i'm cheating on her. Can you help me take these down? she practically used an entire roll of tape!"

"Yeah sure," Nate started on a portion of Dan's office.

After a minute of ripping down the snowflakes Dan stopped and stared at Nate, "Where's Blair?"

"I don't know. She said she was coming,"

"You just left my pregnant wife to waddle over here in five inch stilettos?"

"It's two blocks! and she's the one who always complains that we treat her like a frail hospital patient,"

"Nate,...," Dan rolled his eyes and pulled out his cell-phone.

**Hey, i'm coming to get you** -Dan

**Would you stop? I'm almost in the foyer! **-Blair

**I'll meet you there**- Dan

**Dan, honestly...it's not cute** -B

**I'm in the elevator. Do not text while you're walking **-D

"Fine, I won't text to tell you that i'm already in the elevator," Blair laughed to herself as she hit the button. When Blair reached the tenth floor her eyes squinted, she noticed the office door that usually said 'Dan Humphrey' displayed another man's name in gold letters. "What?" she said to herself. Suddenly she remembered Dan had moved to the eighteenth floor and rolled her eyes for being so silly. She turned back to the elevators and was happy to see she wouldn't have to wait too long.

"Uh what are you doing here?" Blair crossed her arms when the doors of the elevator opened and she was face to face with Serena.

"Nothing," Serena said with an eye-roll.

"Serena, honestly,...what are you doing here?" she got into the elevator with her.

"I was just visiting Dan," Serena said. "Sometimes we go for lunch okay?"

"Serena this is getting pathetic," she rolled her eyes.

"I'm telling you the truth. We had lunch yesterday even. It was completely innocent I hope you don't mind. I was a little concerned he might smell like me when he got home, I don't want to cause any trouble,"

"Hmm no, I don't recall him smelling like venereal disease and desperation," she blinked. "And _I_ had lunch with Dan yesterday..." Blair's eyebrows raised. "Honestly, what's going on with you?" the elevator doors opened and Serena went straight for Dan's office hoping to see Blair's face when she noticed the snowflakes.

"Serena?" Nate looked up as if he had seen a ghost.

"Hey Nate," Serena smiled as if they were still the best of friends.

As Blair watched Serena waltz into Dan's office she felt her entire body tense up. The nonchalance in Serena's strides infuriated her and let her know she had been there before. The snowflakes that still covered part of Dan's wall made her heart drop.

"Get out of his office!," Blair demanded. "Get out!" she yelled as Serena walked up to the sonogram picture.

"I was just admiring this earlier,"

"Don't touch that!" Blair yelled again. Serena grabbed the framed photo and stared down at it.

"Aww, sucking it's thumb," Serena commented with mock adoration.

"Yes, _HE_ is," Blair said matter-of-factly and tried to grab it out of Serena's hand.

"I'm just looking at it!" she held it over her head so Blair couldn't reach it. "A boy huh? well I hope for his sake that he looks just like Dan,"

"What is wrong with you?" Blair asked sadly. "You smell like a distillery," she swallowed. "Do you need help?" she tried to look into her former friend's eyes.

"I hope you tear in like five places," Serena started to laugh while she tapped the glass of the frame with her long fingernail. "Lord knows Dan likes a tight..."

"Serena!" Nate raised his voice with frustration.

"What's wrong Nate?," Serena laughed a little, before turning back to Blair, "You know what,...Even better, I hope you get a c-section. Nice big scar..." she smiled as her nail dragged down the glass.

"Serena,..." Nate tried to get her to leave by getting in between her and Blair.

"Serena, what the hell are you doing here?!" Blair was visibly exhausted with Serena but she wasn't about to back down as she moved closer and got up in Serena's face.

"sit down Blair!" Nate yelled.

"You are not allowed to have everything I've ever wanted," Serena said. "I'm the star, you're the shadow. That's how it's supposed to be," her jaw clenched.

"Serena,..." she didn't know why she felt sympathy for her now. Maybe it was her hormones, perhaps it was her words that told of such torture. If anyone knew what it was like to love Dan it was her. She knew how badly that must hurt. "You will find happiness. You will. It's just not at the bottom of a bottle or with Dan..." she tried calmly.

"Everything in my life made sense when I was with him,"

"That was years ago. It's not the same anymore," Blair shook her head.

"Would you just shut up?...Do not act like you're some therapist. You're nothing but a thieving bitch," she spoke with nonchalance and continued through the office.

"I didn't steal anyone's boyfriend," Blair felt her eyes well up. "He wasn't yours," she tried to explain calmly.

"Yeah you keep telling yourself that. You ruined my life," Serena's nostrils flared as she ignored her last statement.

"You're_ still_ ruining mine," Blair said calmly as she caught a tear that spilled on to her cheek. "All these years you swore this was about our friendship but it was never about that. You don't care about me. You never did," she shook her head. "You slept with my boyfriend, you took off on me when my parents were getting divorced,... when I needed you the most. You didn't call, you didn't write, you chose Poppy Lifton over me and she turned out to be a scam artist..., you left me stranded whenever you found a new boyfriend, you missed countless events that were important to me. You defended Chuck time and again and brought me right to him over and over.,"

"I thought that's what you wanted!"

"You didn't care about what I needed," she sighed. "You know what it doesn't matter anymore,...i'm not trying to prove I was a better friend then you were. You only care that you lost, you care that you lost Dan to me because you always saw me as your charity case. You were only friends with me because it put your soul at ease just like everything else you do in life. You're only selfless when someone else sees it. That's the one thing we'll never have in common, I don't pretend to be someone i'm not,"

Serena just stared at Blair, seething in anger. "Fuck you Blair," she rolled her eyes and walked further away.

"He's my husband," Blair said confidently, "He's committed to me, not you. It doesn't matter how hard you try, he's not interested, he'll never be interested. We're having a baby, we're not out to get you! we're not doing this to make you mad! Now give me this and go home!," Blair grabbed a hold of the frame Serena's claws were digging into.

"Oh you want this?" her eyes widened as Blair gripped the frame with dear life.

"Let go Serena!" Serena did as she was told and let go, Blair shot across the landing, her shoes slipped over the first step and she bumped down four or five steps, thumping down harshly and smacking her head roughly against the plaster with a loud, cracking sound. Nate glanced down to see Blair laying limp against the wall like a rag-doll.

"Blair?" Nate grabbed hold of the railing and jumped down all the steps to reach her on the landing.

"Ohh,..." Blair squeezed her eyes shut with a chilling wince. Slowly she lifted her hand and touched her head where it hit the wall.

"What happened?!" Dan yelled as he ran down the steps to where Nate and Blair were.

"She,...she fell," Nate was shaking.

"HeyHeyHey," Dan tried to get her attention, he snapped in front of her face as her eyes began to roll into the back of her head from the probable head trauma.

"Do you think we should call an ambulance?" Nate yelled loudly in a slight panic.

"Ambulance?" Serena's eyes bulged then rolled dramatically. "Nate she's just faking it like in..."

"SHUT UP!" Nate's terrified voice vibrated through the entire stairwell. Nate got the phone and requested an ambulance. Dan and Nate spoke back and fourth discussing what they should do. "Should we just keep her here, or should we bring her outside?" he asked Dan.

"Blair?" Dan continued to try and get her to talk to him. "Hey,..." he held her face in his hands and gently moved her face to the side so he could see if there was a mark from the wall. "Yeah call an ambulance," fear filling his voice.

Paramedics arrived rather quickly and for that Dan was thankful. "You got her?" Nate asked them.

"No I need that,..." Blair pointed at the sonogram picture.

"I'll get it,...I'll get it after," Dan said.

The paramedics proceeded to bring Blair down to the main floor in order to get her to the ambulance faster. "You're fine," Dan said in an upbeat voice. "Fine, fine, fine, fine," he laughed through his fear.

"Dan,..." Blair made sharp inhale noises.

"Yeah?" he looked over and she bared down as if she might be pushing.

"No no, don't do that...Take deep breaths,"

"You're okay," he said but Nate knew Dan's face said otherwise. "We're just going to go a little faster now," Nate burst through the exit door and held it for the stretcher that quickly brought Blair to ambulance that waited just outside the building.

"My head..hurtsss.." she said in a slight baby voice that freaked Dan out.

"_I know_," his voice collapsed with heartbreak, he leaned down and kiss her cheek. "She_,_..._she hit her head too_," Dan barely got out as his throat closed up and Blair's eyes closed. Dan held her hand even as hers went limp, he hung on to hers even when she was no longer holding his, he held it until they were in the hospital and a nurse told him he had to let go.

**_I don't remember much. I remember fighting with Serena, then being in an ambulance. Dan was telling me I was going to be fine, and then he kissed me. -Blair_**

**_A/N: This is where I got the horoscopes from love-compatibility-taurus-scorpio/2-d-lvmt-taurus_scorpio_**

I just wanted to share that with Dair fans because it really entertains me. I have been reading horoscopes with my friends every morning at work for laughs and I searched these signs and found this to be hilarious! We know Dan's birthday from GG because of Milo's birth certificate and we know Blair is a Scorpio because her birthday episode always fell before the thanksgiving episode but not before the one Halloween episode. Just fun to do something silly after i've been away from writing for so long.

This ended pretty intensely, tell me what you thought of it xoxox -FQ


	27. I Could Hold You In My Arms

**A/N:** I want you all to know that I wrote this with all honesty and respect. This topic is very close to my heart and it touches me personally. It's somewhat of a catharsis for me to write this and share it. I mean absolutely no disrespect in any of these next chapters, I hope you understand where every part comes from and why each component is necessary. This is mostly what Blair's novel is about. This is the heaviest chapter i've written so be warned, if you're looking for sunshine and rainbows this isn't the best place to find it. I will bring some funny parts to other chapters down the road. I don't have that many left but I do have some comedy up my sleeve to alleviate some of this heaviness. There is at least one chapter that continues after this one. There's not much resolution here but I have written a chapter to give you some closure. I'll stop before I write an Author's note novel, thank-you for sticking with me.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**I COULD HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS**

**By:** Ray Lamontagne

**From:** The Last Kiss

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

In the middle of the hospital hallway Serena was the only one talking, everyone else was silent. "I'm telling you...believe me. I didn't do anything," she pleaded to Eleanor who sat stoically trying to figure out what to do and who to call next. Serena ran a hand through her messy hair that hung in front of her face and wiped at her wet eyes. "I didn't touch her!" she looked like she was tweaking, her hand shaking, her eyes bloodshot. Serena's voice then screamed out pestering for her to listen and acknowledge her innocence. She begged to earn the right to ease her heavy, guilt-stricken heart.

"Serena please,..." Eleanor held her hand out to stop her from talking. Her stomach was twisted in knots and Serena's beg for forgiveness wasn't helping to keep her calm. "Ok that's enough," Eleanor said calmly as she stood up.

"Eleanor, you know me!" Serena's bottom lip hung slack as she continued, then looked to Dorota and Dan for back-up.

"Move Serena," Eleanor said sternly as she noticed Nate hurry into the hall with a plain t-shirt he just purchased from the gift shop.

"You have to believe me..." she stood in Eleanor's way, towering over her.

"Serena, move out of my way!..." Eleanor demanded in her powerful voice.

"I didn't..."

"Serena, I think I can speak for everyone in this hall when I say you should leave," she looked back at Dan who was rubbing his pant leg anxiously and furiously with his palm. Eleanor thanked Nate and took the shirt from him before going over to Dan.

"Daniel,...DANIEL!" Eleanor tried to get his attention as she bent down in front of him in a rare gesture of compassion and sympathy. "Honey?" she stopped his hand from shaking by pulling it into her own. As she did this, Serena looked even more hopeless, she ran towards Nate.

"Oh my god Nate!" Serena tried to talk to him. "No one will listen to me," she combed over her head trying to move hair out of her face. Nate turned away from her, and Serena finally left not knowing what else to do.

Eleanor stood up and sat beside Dan, she squeezed the back of his neck as his head hung in front of him. "_Get a grip_," she said in a shaky voice trying to convince herself as well as him that being so worried wasn't going to help the situation. "C'mon sweetheart," she said in her most compassionate voice as she helped him stand up, "Let's get you out of these clothes,"

She led him into a near by single washroom and held her hand out as he peeled off his blood soaked sport jacket and took off his tie. "I'll take them, just put this on," Eleanor watched him shake and gave him the t-shirt. Dan starred at the jacket his lip shook remembering how only a few hours ago Blair was losing blood and consciousness at an alarming rate. In the moment he didn't have time to think about what was happening to her but as he looks at his soiled suit jacket he remembers what she looked like when he hovered over her for that last kiss. "That's better," Eleanor inspected his plain t-shirt. "You can stay in here if you want sweetheart," she rubbed his shoulder knowing he might need a moment. Dan inhaled a shaky breath and willed himself to keep a stiff upper lip.

Eleanor, Dorota and Nate's eyes remained downcast when Dan finally exited the washroom and sat on a bench by himself. He looked like he had a better grip on himself now. His face was clean and he seemed to be a little more relaxed even if his breathing still seemed unsteady. Nate didn't want to look at Dan, his eyes focused on the floor in front of him for fear he couldn't be strong for his best-friend.

Nina ran into the hallway barefoot, her slingback heels in hand. She stopped half way when she saw Nate's worried expression and damp eyes, she was so fearful she froze like a statue. It was as if she didn't have to face reality if she stayed still. Nate went to her, grabbed her and pulled her into a hug she desperately needed right now. Nate whispered something in her ear and she cried harder. Dan's strong facade wavered as he heard her cry, he began rubbing his pant leg again. His breathing turning into short panicked breaths synonymous with hyperventilating as Nina's sobs became louder. Just then Cyrus showed up, he hurried to his wife and hugged her tightly. She explained things to him quietly and looked over at Dan wondering why no one was sitting with him. As if her request had been heard, Nina went over to the bench Dan was sitting on and threw her arms around his neck holding him tightly."_She's going to be fine,...she's going to be fine_," she repeated as she ran her hand up and down the nape of his neck and pressed her lips to his temple. He sniffed and bit his bottom lip firmly.

"I'm going to call Harold again," Eleanor stood up with a steadying inhale.

"She's going to be okay," Cyrus rubbed his wife's arm, she offered a weak smile knowing he was trying his best to keep her positive, then slowly clinked down the hall.

When Jenny arrived Dan finally stood and walked to her. "_Oh my god,...Oh my god_," she started to panic seeing Dan looking so grim. She pulled him towards her. "How long before we'll know?" she asked. Dan could barely form a sentence so Nate took Jenny's hand and brought her away from him to explain what was happening that very moment. "No," she pressed her lips together and wiped at her eyes.

"It's the only thing they could do," Nate inhaled. "I know it seems extreme but there weren't many options,"

"Does he know?" Jenny's lip trembled.

"yeah...," he nodded. "They asked him what he wanted to do,"

"And he chose..." she gulped trailing off.

"what other choice is there?," Eleanor said quietly as she returned from another failed attempt at notifying Blair's father.

"Oh my god," she brought her hands up and covered her eyes.

Rufus appeared and pulled Dan into a strong hug without any words. Somehow Dan relaxed into his father's strong hold.

Rufus had questions that Dan still couldn't answer since he couldn't bring himself to utter a single word. He was in such a state of shock right now he was rendered mute. Now Nate and Nina were holding on to Dan while Rufus spoke with Eleanor.

"...she's bleeding internally," Eleanor explained to Rufus. "it's quite severe, she's had a few transfusions,...they've decided to go ahead and,..." her eyes were full of pain and she choked up. Rufus grabbed hold of her hands, squeezing gently so she could finish her sentence. When she finished explaining what was happening that very moment Rufus' eyes locked on hers in complete shock.

"Oh god," Rufus closed his eyes hearing the procedure Blair was undergoing.

"I cannot believe this is the only solution," Nina's bottom lip shook. "She's too young," she said definitively as she crossed her arms and shook her head back and fourth.

Rufus called Allison and didn't like her response, "Surely your son is more important than that Allison," Rufus spoke into his cellphone. "Yeah,..." he sighed. "I'll keep you updated," he slipped the phone back into his pocket. "...Where's Dan?" Rufus asked in a mildly alarmed voice as he looked around.

"Nurse came, take him," Dorota said being the only one who was paying attention at that moment.

"Oh my god," Rufus scrubbed a hand over his face knowing what that must have meant. "I should be with him," he breathed. "Someone should be with him!" he raced down the hall towards a nurse. "Where's neo-natal?"

"That's good!,...right?!" Nate shouted with his hand out. He watched Rufus get into an elevator and repeated himself but this time definitively, "That's good,..." he looked so optimistic. Eleanor burst into tears and collapsed on to the bench at Nate's words, Nina, Dorota, Jenny and Cyrus rushed to hold her.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

When I came to, I was empty. Literally. "Blair, you experienced a placenta abruption," The doctor spoke clear and concise for my banged up head. I had heard of that before and knew many women had to go on bed-rest when they had an abruption. I was upset and groaned that I'd have to really stay in bed now. No more lunch dates, no more shopping..., "Blair...," she looked into my eyes and tried to get my attention noticing that I was not registering what she had said. "You lost a lot of blood and we had to perform a c-section to get it to stop," she looked at me very gently. I stared at her blankly not believing a word she said. The doctor then explained again what had happened to me. The words still didn't register. My hand reached out for my healthy baby bump and all I found was bandages and a tender pain in my abdomen, that's when I covered my dry lips with my hand, my eyes were so filled with tears I couldn't see . I think I stopped breathing. The nurse came closer and called my name. "Blair?...honey..." why was she calling me honey?

"But,...my,.." I swallowed wondering what state he was in as I tried to sit up.

"We need to take care of you right now," she made me lay back down since my blood pressure began to rise.

"I can't," I looked around at the monitors seeing all the machines that were checking my vitals and started to feel a panic attack coming on. "I,...I...I..." I wanted to rip the IV out of my arm and find my husband.

"Blair!" she said in a warning tone. "You have to relax, lay down," I gave in and laid down reluctantly but only because I felt so weak and probably couldn't stand if I wanted to.

"he's only..." I gulped wondering what state he was in as I laid back tears rolled over my cheeks on to the pillow.

"We'll do everything we can for your baby Blair," It was reassuring but I couldn't ignore my education or my instinct. There was very little chance he was going to survive this.

Dan gave permission and I was so mad at him but in the moment I was so numb, I couldn't even believe this was real. When my mother walked in, she hugged me tightly. She kissed my head and apologized over and over.

"Daddy is on his way, he should be here by tomorrow morning,"

I still didn't understand why Dan wasn't in the room with me. My mom had lied and told the nurse that Nina and Nate were my siblings in order to get them in to see me. Nina squeezed my hand and starred at me like I was broken.

"Hey_ bitch_," she said weakly before bursting into tears. Nate smiled at me like everything was perfectly fine, he mumbled some things and laughed uncomfortably.

"Where's my _husband?_" I said 'husband' it as if it was a curse word. As if he was the most heinous word I could use to describe that man. The man that put me in this situation, the man that ok'd this. Nina glanced at my mom, Nate starred at the ground.

"Oh darling," My mom held me tighter without answering my question.

"Mom,...where is he?" he asked, my jaw clenching tightly. In my numb state I would rather be dead than deal with the choices he made for me.

"He can't come in here. Not now," she knew something I didn't.

"I _want_ to see him," grinding my teeth together, my bottom lip shook wildly from being cold after my surgery.

"I know you do, but he's going to need a moment longer,"

"Oh he needs a moment?...I NEED A MOMENT!" Surely Dan had a little longer to deal with this than I did. How was this fair to me?

"He's in a bad way," Nate piped up. "he's...sick" I still didn't find that a good enough excuse, there was no excuse for him not being in that room with me. I wouldn't talk to anyone now. I wanted to know things but I was too angry and hated everyone in the room, not nearly as much as I hated the man that _wasn't_ in the room. I starred at the wall in front of me and willed myself not to cry. When I felt my lip start to shake and feel imminent sobs I held my head high and wiped at my eyes furiously. Still the tears wouldn't cease. My lip shook violently, I held my head high, my jaw clenched with anger as I kept a stiff upper lip.

"Blair,..." Nate tried to take my hand seeing that I was doing a poor job at being strong. I slapped his hand away and continued to fight the sobbing. A moment later I heard light inhales from everyone as they turned to the door. I knew Dan was making his way into the room. I didn't look at him, I was seething with anger and was terrified I would scream the second I made eye contact with him.

Finally when I did look over at him, I saw what everyone meant. He looked as though he was the one who went through the surgery. Before my eyes laid on his face I wanted to swear at him for making such a hasty decision on my behalf when he knew I wouldn't have wanted that. But now he was here. The look on his face was something hard to describe. I remember thinking he looked like a little boy who was lost in a crowd and couldn't find him mom. Just lost, scared, heart-broken. He approached so slowly I knew he was upset with himself, he shouldn't have been, he did the right thing, I know he did. I would have done the same for him.

"_Come here_," I let him know I wasn't going to bite. "_Come here_," I reached out to him. Nate, Nina and my mother left the room so we could be alone. He hugged me so lightly, considerate of my incision but I knew he wanted to hold me tighter. I pressed my face close to his and closed my eyes.

"I'm sorry" he sniffed. "I'm so sorry" he tightened his grip. It was okay for me to cry now. It was always okay with him. He stroked the back of my head in such a way that I truly did start to feel some form of semblance through the nightmare. He hummed in my ear lightly trying to calm me and it worked as always, only with him. He pulled away so he could see my face, "You have no idea how happy I am to see you," he then pressed his forehead against mine. His eyelashes were all clumped together. "are you okay?" he whispered, cradling my face in his hands like his most precious treasure.

"Is he okay?" I wiped my eyes. I could have talked to the nurse but I hated her, I didn't want to ask her anything.

"_Not really._.." he answered honestly, his eyes finding a comfortable place on the bed sheets. "He's really little..." air blew through his teeth as he struggled to smile.

"I don't want to see him" shook my head. "I just,...I can't," I covered my face with my hands.

"Oh Daisy you have to," he squeezed my hand.

"Is he cute?" I asked smiling through my tear-filled, blood-shoot eyes. Dan laughed lightly and nodded.

"He's so cute,"

**XOXOXOX**

I had Nina apply my makeup and curl my hair before I went to see him the next day. They told me they would wheel him in to see me if they could but as the night got later and later and I was assured he was doing much better and I shouldn't worry over night. They really wanted me to rest. Dan thought it was preposterous and that seeing him would help me recover but alas the doctor wanted me to stay put. I was okay with this, because that meant I could be my best self for when I finally did get to meet him. How many women get to meet their baby's looking their very best? I'd assume not many. Dan laughed as he watched me coach Nina and tell her to go easy on the eyeliner because I didn't want him to think his mom was a street-walker. Finally when I was ready, Dan brought me up to see him. He hadn't slept as he spent his time divided between sitting with him and staying with me all night. It didn't matter, I don't think he could sleep if he tried right now.

"This is him?" Blair asked Dan as he wheeled her into the room.

"Mhmm," Dan smiled gently as he pushed her closer.

"I'm scared,"

"Nothing to be scared of," Dan glanced into the incubator and smiled. "Look," he coerced her in a gentle but ecstatic voice.

Her eyes lit up and her dimples were deeper than ever as she beamed at him. "_Hello_," she cooed.

I smiled until my cheeks hurt when I first saw him. So small and precious, covered in little monitor patches but completely there. I kept looking at Dan and we would share a laugh, not for any other reason than we were amazed with his existence. How on earth did we make a person?

"He's been having a good morning," the nurse smiled at Blair who sighed with a little relief. She never thought that her baby would end up in the percentage of premies that made it at his age but now she had a little confidence. If he was going to make it, everything would be fine. We didn't plan on having any more children anyway so I became more and more secure with the idea of having the hysterectomy.

"Blair, did you plan on feeding him?"

"Oh yes, yes," she nodded excited that she would get to hold him.

"Okay so we'll get you a pump to take to your room with you and we'll just switch it with the formula once you have enough,"

"Oh," she felt silly for thinking she could just scoop him up. Her eyes began to well up.

"Can I maybe,...touch him?" she asked carefully.

"Not today sweetheart,"

"Okay,..." she said awkwardly, feeling stupid for even asking.

Over the next week I made a friend with a familiar face in the NICU. Erica from lamaze class. Her little girl was struggling to breathe on her own. She was born only a few weeks early and obviously stronger than my baby. Everyday I sat beside him and touched his tiny hand i'd look at Erica and see her baby making improvements that my baby wasn't. We didn't really have similar situations. My poor baby was only dealing with this because I had an accident. Hers was induced by stress. It turned out that Jesse was bald due to several rounds of chemo treating the vicious cancer that was ravaging his body. Currently he was dealing with terrible complications from his treatment and Erica found herself in a position where she couldn't eat or sleep. The doctors had warned her that she needed to think of her baby but it was hard for her, she ended up here just like the doctors had warned her.

Today Dan told me to go off and have coffee with Erica since we both hadn't left the room all day. He knew I didn't want to leave so he demanded that I get some fresh air while he sat with our son. For anyone that knows me, my appearance has always been important. I never leave the house with hair that isn't coiffed. At this point, I didn't care. I don't think I wore a stitch of makeup when I started losing faith.

"I found out I was pregnant four days after he was diagnosed," Erica said sadly as she clutched her cup of tea. "I didn't want to tell him at first. It's not really good news after being told you have cancer," Blair just listened to her speak not knowing what words would help if there even were any. "But I think it was good for him to know because it really gave him the motivation to keep positive and fight hard,"

"Of course," Blair nodded sympathetically.

"So," Erica took a deep breath. "One more surgery, a few more rounds of chemo...I'm trying to just think about her right now," she referred to her baby.

"Dan always says, worry is wasteful. Worry when you have to, today is not that day," Blair grabbed her hand. "That's about the only thing keeping me going right now," her eyes filled.

"Connor is doing much better today," Erica reminded Blair with a soft smile and nod.

"Mhmm," she bit her lip. "I'm not going to worry today. It still doesn't change the fact that i'm filled with constant regret for even talking to that woman..." she referred to Serena.

"I don't think you should beat yourself up over an accident,"

"The same way you shouldn't beat yourself up for getting stressed,"

"Well I could have taken better care of myself. I did stop eating. I passed out and my mother brought me to the hospital where I was lectured like a child..I should have listened but I didn't care," Erica said sadly. "Truthfully," she sighed lightly and whispered. "The day he collapsed,...I think part of me felt like,...if he wasn't going to live then I don't really want to have a baby," the regret in her voice was so heartbreaking that Blair pulled her into a hug. "I know that sounds horrible but..." she covered her eyes with one hand and held on to Blair with the other.

"You don't have to explain yourself," Blair smiled gently. "I can't even begin to imagine how I would deal with that," she rubbed Erica's back.

Erica finally named her baby, Sarah, the day before she left the hospital, after she realized Jesse wouldn't be around to help her come up with a name anytime soon. On Connor's fifth day, Erica took Sarah home and I continued to say seated, touching my baby's hand still never being able to hold him. I talked to him in a soothing voice and told him how much we loved him. I was mean to the nurses. I tried to do their jobs, I tried to explain that I should try nursing him for the contact, all of which was frowned upon as they shoved the pump in my face again. Erica got to take her baby home and I couldn't even begin to explain how jealous I was. On the eighth day of sitting with him I found out Jesse passed away while in surgery. I felt all the air leave my lungs, pressure like someone was standing on my chest as I couldn't imagine for a moment what it would be like to lose my husband. How could anyone deal with something so terrible?. I would be so alone and so lost. I wouldn't be able to breathe. I burst into tears the second Dan walked into the room and hugged him as tightly as I could. I know I freaked him out because he asked me rapid fire questions about Connor thinking I was crying because of him. I could tell by the way his body shifted that he was looking over me trying to see him. When I explained what had happened to Erica's husband he held my face in his hands and kissed me over and over to remind me he was right there. I realized then, that if I had Dan I could get through anything. This was probably going to be the hardest thing i've ever gone through but I had him.

Dan always told me that if everyone put their problems on a table and had the option to switch with any person, we'd take our problem back. I didn't understand this until today.

-Blair

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

When I got home that night, I wrapped myself in my blanket and stared out the window. I think I even made a pact with god while looking out our big windows. I've seen Dan cry on a few occasions, i'll never forget a single one. Once happy and twice sad. When he cried it was like nothing in the world was right side up. When he cried, I felt debilitated. I was more optimistic than Dan from the beginning. Dan just stood there. His expression impossible to read. We should have been going to birthing classes and painting his room. We were told that his lungs were not responding to any treatment and that the lack of oxygen to his brain was probably going to effect his eyes. I immediately imagined Dan and I raising an adorable little boy with glasses. I even talked to Dan about designer frames made for children. Dan didn't want to talk about this with me, he would ignore me when I tried to pry a smile out of him. I didn't mention it again when he asked me to stop. Dan's grandmother carried a bible with her into the NICU almost everyday, it took all I had to not scream at her. As if she didn't test me enough, my mother thought I would enjoy her flashing her camera bulb at him hundreds of times.

"Please stop," Blair glared at her mother.

"What?"

"Please don't take pictures of him," Blair said in a broken voice to her mother.

"I thought you might want to..."

"Remember him?" she asked. "You don't think that the image of him laying in there so helpless is burned into my memory forever? Something I will never forget even if I wanted to?...do _not_ take pictures of him," she said sternly.

"Honey," Eleanor had pleading eyes. "One day you might really want...,"

"I know how beautiful he is and i'll never forget it. Now put it away,"

Eleanor looked at her defiantly. "Stop flashing light in my baby's face!"

"Okay," she nodded.

The lack of oxygen to his brain caused considerable damage, his lungs were beginning to collapse and he wouldn't be with us much longer. It was inconceivable to me that he was perfectly healthy and growing at a perfect rate just days ago, and now all his little organs were giving up because he didn't belong in this world yet. I was supposed to be taking care of him right now, he was still supposed to be warm and safe inside me. I was supposed to be his haven and I ruined everything for him. I got to hold him, I just remember being shocked that the nurse was even holding him out to me. He had always been too fragile to lift. He weighed practically nothing but he was warm and he was mine. I was content with him in my arms because for a split second I believed I was allowed to hold him because he was getting better. Then I realized the only reason I was holding him was because it was my last chance. No more tubes up his tiny nose, his head was no bigger than Dan's fist, his pacifier covered his whole little face and I never saw anything so adorable in my entire life. I don't know if that's just because he was mine but he was the most adorable baby I had ever laid eyes on. Nicky was gorgeous, she was absolutely angelic and and peaceful , she took my breath away with her perfection, but even still I remember how perfect Connor was to me. All his tiny little features, he was absolutely scrumptious. After that, Nicky in her very little six pound little package seemed large compared to my first baby who had just a little dark hair that was covered by a little blue hat, his face was round, his nose was teeny tiny. And although he was so small, he was all there. Looking at him I just wanted them to put him back in, give him more time in the oven. My body had taken him to this point and he should have been able to continue in someone else, surely modern medicine would have figured out how to save him now. I was right, I could never picture myself with a son. Dan excused himself from the room. I was alone. I didn't blame him for leaving but I remember sitting there by myself, pressing my lips to his tiny wrinkled forehead. The nurse asked if I wanted to sit with him until he was gone, I shook my head no. I didn't want to do that, I told him that I loved him and brushed my lips past his head once more and that was it. When she wheeled him away I felt my whole heart rip in half. I just wanted to hold him forever. I wanted to protect him. I didn't want him to be scared. There were so many things running through my head during this time. What ifs mostly. What If I didn't show up at Dan's office that day, what if I just let it go and didn't try to fight it?, was I afraid of something? why did I feel the need to stand up to her that day?

Dan held him until he left us. I was so thankful knowing that he did. If I couldn't in this moment at least Dan was there, I would have hated myself forever if he went alone. I still feel upset knowing that Dan felt the obligation to sit with him while I sat alone. He always tells me not to be upset about it but I can't help it.

**XOXOX**

The next hour or so was completely void of emotion. I was like a zombie. everything around me numb. Dan and I went through the motions of what I assume all parents deal with when they lose a child. We were given pamphlets, options to talk to grieve counsellors, we could even stay in the hospital if we chose to. I needed out of there. The sun was bright as anything today and I remember being pissed off at the weather. It was not a beautiful day, it was not a happy ending and Connor deserved more than a sunny day, the day was disrespectful to him. Dan placed his hand on my lower back, told me he loved me and he'd only be a moment, he was just going to pull the car around and I should just wait inside. I stepped outside and watched Dan light a cigarette the second he walked around the corner. He was leaning against the side of the building. I wondered if we'd ever be the same now. Usually I could make a comment, I could yell for him to pull the car around. I could tease him, I could say anything to him but today I couldn't even ask him to get our car, I just stood and waited until he acknowledged me. He deserved the cigarette today.

**XOXOXOXOX**

When they arrived home Dorota was there to greet them with concern in her eyes. Without acknowledging her presence Blair moved by her. Wanting to be polite Dan's lips pulled at the side; a courtesy smile to the maid before he followed after Blair. The bedroom was immaculate, Dorota had spent the majority of the last two days cleaning. He took a seat on the edge of the bed as Blair closed the bathroom door behind her. It wasn't two minutes before the door opened; he looked up to see her tear stricken face.

"Come with me?" her voice was small, her eyes wide. She didn't want to be alone right now.

"yeah..." he nodded rushing to her side.

The thin silky material slipped off her body with ease. The lightest of gasp came when she stepped under the scalding hot water. Closing her eyes she let the water run over her face. The shower steamed up almost immediately; the glass went from crystal clear to opaque in a matter of seconds. She could no longer see Dan on the other side. "Dan?..." she called out for him.

"I'm right here," he put his hand on the foggy glass so she knew of his presence. Without moving her body slumped against the tiles, her eyes were dripping tears mixing with the water from the shower-head. They needed this, they needed to cleanse themselves of the last two days, they needed to start over with clear minds. Blair was letting the water run over her as Dan closed the shower door behind him. Quickly he went to work washing her hair, she could have done it herself but it was nice he took the initiative. His fingers massaged around her ears lightly, she tilted back and relaxed, letting him continue. For a moment she could relax as his hands stimulated every nerve on her body. Dan washed his own hair quickly as Blair rinsed hers. As he scrubbed, he watched Blair crumble again under the water.

"Hey,.." he moved towards the stream and held her to him protectively. She looked up and released a sound; almost a laugh. His hair was sticking out in all directions and it eased her to have a laugh even if it was weak and amidst tears. She winced lightly at the pain in her abdomen. Dan smiled down at her. "I look funny?"

"Yeah,.." she barely smiled but Dan caught it and it seemed to strengthen him.

One of Dan's arms hooked tightly; protectively around Blair's waist, the other laid flat and firm on the tiles of the shower to keep them upright and steady. Blair's neck had no support, it laid limp against Dan's chest as she listened to his heart beat. She was exhausted, he was exhausted. No matter how long this shower turned out to be, they still wouldn't feel better. The sick, helpless feeling was not going to disappear. Blair's wet hair matted over Dan's shoulder and against his back. Slowly her finger traced out the letters on Dan's chest absentmindedly, she looked up to see him looking at her with nothing but concern.

Dan hands lifted and rested on the back of her neck, his thumbs holding up the scoop of her neck. Blair's eyes closed as she pressed a soft kiss on his chest. Dan lifted her chin and pressed a gentle kiss on her lips, she held on to the back of his neck and pulled him in for a deeper, longer kiss. Blair now moved her hands to the back of his neck and pushed gently. Their kisses were feverish, Dan began kissing her neck, while her lips dripped water. For a moment they escaped from everything and lost themselves in one another. As the water turned cold, they both knew it was time to get out.

Blair curled up into a ball when she got into her bed, Dan pressed up behind her, they both drifted off finally getting some comfort. When her eyes opened a few hours later all she saw was her baby's face. The tiny little face, almost entirely covered by a pacifier and she cried and cried into Dan's shoulder realizing she would rather sleep the rest of her life away then deal with this pain.

**XOXOXOX**

**Thank-you for reading -FQ**


	28. Make You Feel My Love

**A/N: **Hey guys. I'm overwhelmed by your kind words. I'm glad the last chapter was received well even though it was a tough read. This chapter is all present day and it's a lot lighter than the last one but as usual there's some drama mixed in. It's kind of sloppy i'm losing it because i'm getting to the point where I really wish I was done so I apologize for that.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**"MAKE YOU FEEL MY LOVE"**

Adele

When in Rome

**XOXOXOXOXOXO**

Blair left work early to get herself packed and ready for her weekend trip with Dan. He kept everything a secret and wouldn't even give her a hint at what she should pack clothing wise. Instead, he told her to pack whatever felt necessary. In hindsight he knew it probably wasn't the best instruction to give a woman like Blair. When he arrived he couldn't help but laugh at her two large Louis Vuitton suitcases sitting by the elevator. "Hell-o?" he called out while standing in the foyer, wearing his best Italian, leather shoes and the most expensive tie he owned. They hadn't had a chance to spend any time together this week and Blair's heart practically leapt out of her chest when she heard his voice.

"I'll just be a second!" she almost squeaked in excitement then hurried to her earrings, then retrieved her jacket. "Absence _does_ make the heart grow fonder..." she said with affirmation while touching up her lipstick in her bedroom mirror.

"That's what they say," Dan smiled. "These aren't for this weekend are they?" he called out to her, still starring down at her ridiculously expensive luggage that he had handled for her many times in the past.

"You know how I pack when i'm given vague instruction," she rushed around the corner then stopped her in tracks when she saw him looking more dapper then ever. "Hi," she smiled coyly. Dan took a few steps forward and gave her a gentle hello kiss to the corner of her mouth.

"You look beautiful," he said sincerely.

"_Thank-you_," she spoke in a hushed voice trying to mask the excitement she was feeling. Every now and then she'd find it so amusing that this man she once hated could be so important to her.

**XOXOXOX**

Sadly, Blair's excitement for the weekend faded into discomfort as she watched Dan stand at the reception desk of the Ritz hotel lobby. They lived in Manhattan, they didn't need to check-in to a hotel like two people engaged in a raunchy affair. It wasn't like they hadn't ever stayed in a hotel over night, they slept at the Plaza on their wedding night, had a mini baby-moon at the St. Regis and once managed to get away for one night at the Peninsula for their anniversary when work couldn't allow them to take their usual week vacation.

All those times, Dan was her husband and this time something felt inexplicably wrong. Dan told the receptionist it was the their first time in New York for no reason what-so-ever. Once Dan had finished, he grabbed a trolly for their bags insisting that he could handle it and didn't require a bellhop's service. Blair took a breath and followed him, biting her tongue the whole way.

When they entered their suite Dan scrutinized the view claiming they had a better view in their old apartment as he wheeled in their bags. "at least the room itself is great," he took a look around.

"_Sure, wouldn't want to see it under a black light_..." she mumbled thinking this room had probably seen it's share of expensive prostitutes.

"What's that?" Dan asked.

"Nothing," she said quietly.

Dan loosened his tie and pulled it over his head before grabbing Blair's hips, pulling her towards him. His hands roamed over her backside as his lips pressed at her jaw. Blair sighed and tilted her head slightly trying to get in the mood.

"Dan,..." she said uncomfortably as he kissed her neck.

"What's wrong?" his eyes looked into hers.

"This feels,..." she gulped then closed her eyes. "_We could have sex at my place_,..." she shrugged wondering why he felt the need for a hotel.

"uh..." he cleared his throat and backed away from her, not sure what the problem was.

"_Skipping to dessert always ruins dinner_," she said meekly. Dan's tongue poked his cheek as he thought about what she was saying.

"We can do it again after dinner," he smirked and wiggled his eyebrows.

"That's not what I mean," she swallowed. After a beat she explained, "This isn't dating,"

Dan was at a loss for words.

"This,..." she inhaled loudly. "...this is all we do. We're better than this," she said softly feeling vulnerable. "This lacks creativity and spontaneity,..." she sighed, "We used to have sex in our car after long drives, in public coatrooms and never because we planned it, just because we wanted to,"

"Just when I think I have you figured out, you say something like that," he chuckled. "Let me get this straight, the Audi and public coatrooms make us better than The Ritz?" he cocked an eyebrow.

"We don't need to pay for a place to have sex. This isn't all about sex..." she trailed off, "...Is it?"

Dan rolled his eyes playfully, "Blair," he grabbed for her hands. "I have a full weekend planned for us," his eyes were soft and she found herself lost in the dark pupils and irises. ",...And ninety-percent of what I have planned has nothing to do with sex,..ok?" his lips pulled into a reassuring smile."We can go to sleep right now and get an early start on tomorrow if you want?," he suggested. Blair's lips shifted side to side as she realized Dan was telling the truth. This was just their first stop for the weekend he had planned. Feeling like somewhat of an idiot for discounting Dan, she shook her head for ever thinking Dan had anything less than thoughtful and romantic up his sleeve. Blair moved closer and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I can't believe you thought I brought you here to have sex all weekend..." he chuckled. "I'm the same guy,...we've been apart one year, not twenty," he smirked and kissed her forehead as she melted into him with relief.

"This all feels so new to me," she starred up at him. Dan smiled lightly and moved a strand of hair from her face.

"We have a dinner reservation for eight,"

"What could we do until then?" she smirked impishly, now finding his first suggestion all too tempting.

"Uh we could have a glass of champagne," he suggested, glancing at the champagne flutes on the marble counter-top. Blair shook her head impishly as she slid her hands up and down his stomach.

"_What?_" she asked in her sexy voice, her eyes hooded with desire.

"You missed your chance Waldorf. That's just going to have to wait now, I wouldn't want you to get the wrong impression," he spun towards the wet bar and grabbed for the bottle of bubbly. Blair pouted for a moment until she noticed the label on the bottle Dan was now pouring.

"Eighty-Six?" she asked with peeked interest as she kicked off her heels and got comfortable on the bed.

"What else?" he handed her the glass once it was full. Dan poured himself a glass with significantly less champagne. She couldn't help her heart from feeling heavy. She forced a smile when Dan held his glass up to clink with hers.

"Dan,..." she looked into her glass as Dan took a seat beside her on the king size bed. "Are you an alcoholic?" she asked coolly.

Dan stopped swirling his glass, his eyes lifted to meet hers. "I'm,...," he inhaled then smiled awkwardly, "I'm driving," he reminded her.

"Oh, of course," she shook her head and wished she didn't say anything.

"It's okay," he smiled letting her know he wasn't uncomfortable by her question. "I don't drink very often because I never want to get myself in a bad situation ever again. But no i'm not an alcoholic, I can have some champagne with my,..." he squinted at her and laughed, "Girlfriend?" he asked her with a smile. Blair smiled brightly at him liking the sound of that.

Blair sighed lightly, "Good, you're just a drug addict," the words flew out of her mouth before she took another sip of her champagne. The room went quiet for a moment, Dan made a painful face as he tried to swallow the champagne in his mouth before he couldn't help but laugh at her bluntness. "Oh my god, that sounded horrendous..." she looked apologetic but couldn't help laughing as Dan's attempt to stay serious faltered, he was biting his lip now and trying not to laugh. Once Dan laughed Blair fell into a laughing fit.

"What's wrong with us!?" she was equally appalled but couldn't stop laughing as Dan held his fist to his lips and choked back laughter.

"Stop!" Dan pointed at her, still laughing, "stop laughing!, stop it!"

"I can't! you're laughing! you stop!"

It took another five minutes before their giddiness subsided and they could finally stop laughing. "I'm sorry I didn't mean for it to come out that way," she drew in a breath and tried to steady herself.

"No apologies necessary. Would you like a refill?"

"No I think i'll wait to have a glass with my dinner. My very mysterious dinner..."

"Oh! they don't serve wine,..." he played with his empty glass, passing it from one hand to the other.

"Humphrey,..." she said in a warning tone, wondering the scale of this restaurant if it didn't serve wine.

"I'm kidding. They serve wine. They serve several French wines..." he said trying to entice her. "Just order in the thirty to forty dollar range..."

"Humphrey!" she gave him a gentle smack in the arm.

"Bee-Lair,..." he said in a sort of Valley-girl way, "I already brought you the Dom. Do you think i'm made of money?"

"New York Times best seller for the fourth consecutive week but can't afford a good bottle of Cabernet?" she rolled her eyes playfully.

"I'm just a poor boy from Brooklyn," he shrugged. "Sadly, I have an affection for Manhattan Royalty," he kissed the back of her hand.

Blair smiled, "I love that boy from Brooklyn," her voice softened as she scooted closer to him.

Dan inhaled softly at her words. He felt so at peace by the simple statement he smiled, "It's almost time for our movie," he whispered as she nuzzled him.

"Our movie?" she pulled back with curiosity.

"We're going to watch 'How to steal a million' at film forum,"

"Oh are we?" she smiled loving that everything was a surprise.

"Is that okay?"

Blair nodded happily. She was even happier when Dan had brought along her favourite theatre treats, but snickered at him concealing them in his coat pocket so he didn't have to pay concession prices. "You are pathetic,..." she rolled her eyes playfully.

"I'm thrifty," he corrected her as they linked fingers.

They hurried to their film and were still ten minutes late. Good thing Blair had memorized every last detail of this film.

Dan wouldn't tell Blair anything about where they were going for dinner, he wouldn't give her a single hint about what the next day had in-store for them despite her constant guesses. Even after they left the theatre, Blair was whining that she hated surprises.

"We're almost there, just up here," he pointed.

"This isn't what I was expecting," Blair said as Dan opened the passenger door and she saw the restaurant.

"No?" he asked. "What were you expecting?" he asked as she grabbed hold of his hand and steadied herself on her spiky heels.

"I don't know,...we've only been here once," she linked arms with him.

"Do you remember what night we came here?"

Blair looked around and couldn't recall until they sat down at the table Dan had requested. As soon as Dan had tucked in her chair she closed her eyes and smiled. "Don't get the wrong impression," he sat down in front of her, his face was illuminated by the glow of the candles in front of them.

"Sure," Blair shook her head amused and picked up her menu.

"I only wanted to try this again since we didn't exactly finish our dinner last time," Dan said.

"We were too excited," she beamed.

"I was..." Dan corrected.

"So was I!" Blair said defensively. "I was so happy for you," she recalled the first time Dan found out his book was being published. There were happy tears in his eyes and he couldn't stop laughing.

"We can go somewhere else," Dan's eyes settled on hers unsure if this was a bad idea.

Blair reached over and placed her hand on his, "Somewhere that doesn't have Red Velvet cake with chocolate ganache?" she bit her lip. Dan mirrored her, biting his own lip and recalling that they asked for the dessert to go and ate it on his bed discussing all the possibilities in his future as a real published author. This cake ended up being the inspiration for their eventual wedding cake.

"Can I kiss you?" Dan asked politely.

"Will you obey if I say no?" her eyelashes fluttered as she glanced down at her menu in a coy way. It seemed to drive Dan crazy because he didn't answer, he just leaned in and captured her soft lips with his own.

They didn't even realize that the waiter had been standing there when their lips had parted. "Have you had enough time with our menu?" he asked politely with his hands pressed firmly together.

"Definitely," Dan looked at Blair. "...We're going to get the red velvet cake to go,"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Nina loves Nicky with everything inside her. When Dan and Blair first decided to have a baby she despised the idea, but after so much hardship she only cried and cried with happiness when her friends finally achieved their goal. From the moment she saw her tiny face in Dan's arms she knew her heart had been stolen and already couldn't imagine life without her. Nina could safely say that she would guard her best-friend's child with her life and even promised Dan as she signed several papers that indicated in the event of great tragedy, she would become Nicky's legal guardian along with Nate. Rufus and Eleanor were listed also but Blair feared if anything happened to them their parents might not be up to the challenge of raising a young child.

_"I mean it Nina," Dan's eyes were so serious Nina felt uncomfortable. _

_"I know the severity of this Dan,..." she assured him with a nod. "stop looking at me like that!,...I feel like you know something I don't. It's freaking me out," _

_"She's never going into foster care, she's not being adopted by strangers..."_

_"Dan,..." Nina grabbed his hand. "She has a whole family. We would never let that happen. I promise," _

Nina baby-sat Nicky three times in her ten years of life. Once when she was just shy of one year old. Nina claimed that she would never do it again, not because Nicky was a particularly difficult child but because she was exhausting and Nina, the self-professed, selfish brat didn't want to spend her afternoon playing a mind-numbing game of peekaboo. She swore Dan's brain melted when she watched him keep up the baby game for nearly an hour. She couldn't understand why Dan and Blair had willingly traded their posh, adult lifestyle for kissing boo-boos and reading bedtime stories to a tiny person who was completely incapable of taking care of themselves. Because Nate was so good with Nicky and his responsibility as a godfather, Nina felt she could be the cool auntie who only did fun stuff. Nate took her to the dentist when her mom and dad were too busy and Nina took her out shopping which started to become very fun when she was old enough to know the importance of certain labels. Nicky's life was mostly surrounded by adults and so she matured very quickly and Nina loved how seamlessly she fit into her and Blair's life. She even counted down the days until Nicky could drink with them. Nina loved her goddaughter and there was no question about it. But Nina didn't want a baby, so here she was wondering if she should tell anyone or keep this small, fixable problem to herself.

"HI LUCKY!" Nicky beamed at Nina's Great Dane who rushed towards her, Nina tried to calm him down fearing he would knock the girl over with his level of excitement. She tried to close the door on Nate who grabbed hold of it. Nicky loved going to Nina's apartment, it wasn't very kid friendly. Nina had fine taste; pristine, white furniture and many breakables but she also had Lucky who Nicky adored.

"I can take it from here," she placed her hands on her hips.

"You can't even say hi to me?" he asked giving her a once over, seeing her perfectly manicured, bright red toenails and her lustrous, platinum blonde, hair.

"Hi," she shrugged. "You can go now..." she said under her breath as Nicky giggled receiving sloppy kisses from the dog.

"Would you stop it?"

"Stop what Nate?" she glared at him.

"You're acting like this is all my fault,"

"It is your fault," she tried to close the door on him again.

"I haven't said anything to anyone so stop acting like i'm parading around..."

"Oh but sending roses to my place of work was appropriate?" she seethed.

"Nate are you staying for dinner?" Nicky called out.

"Nope, he's leaving. It's just girl's night tonight," Nina said.

"And Lucky!" Nicky added.

"Well Lucky loves Louboutins so he's girly enough for me. His latest casualty...," she chucked an old heel that obviously had turned into a chew toy by the large dog. Nicky laughed as he fetched it and brought it back to his owner.

"This is a very expensive chew toy Lucky!" Nicky giggled.

"What can I say? he has good taste," Nina groaned throwing the shoe again, amused how he ran down the long hallway.

"We can't avoid talking about it forever," Nate said under his breath.

"There's nothing left to discuss Nate," Nina shooed him out of her apartment. When Nate was gone Nina took a deep breath and turned to Nicky. "So Tater-tot, what would you like to eat?"

"Ummm,...now that you mentioned it, tater-tots sound delicious,"

"Ew no, we're not eating frozen potatoes shaped into uniform nuggets, that's disgusting,"

"You called me tater-tot! do you think i'm disgusting?" she smirked.

"No I think you're the cutest thing i've ever seen!" she rushed to tickle her. Nicky laughed wildly, Nina only stopped tickling when her phone buzzed.

**_Nina, please. This is my baby too. -Nate_**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"Ooo," Blair moaned. "MMmmmmmmmmmmmmUUUghhh," her head tilted back.

"You okay?" he asked with a smile.

"In times of transcendence we feel as though we can speak with the divine," she explained.

"Oh is that what that was?" Dan laughed.

"More," she demanded.

"Say please,"

"Please," she pouted.

Dan fed her another fork full of cake and she sighed again.

"Ugh that's so good," she looked dreamily to the ceiling.

Dan nodded taking another forkful himself. "It's good but I personally believe transcendence can only be achieved in orgasm," he licked the fork suggestively.

"This is an orgasm in my mouth," she said meekly, watching him intently as he continued to remove the chocolate off the fork.

"Okay then I guess you're good for the night," he moved to the other side of the bed.

"Humphrey,..." she said in a warning tone. "Let's not waste this very expensive hotel room..."

Dan smirked, "It won't be wasted, we're going to get the best sleep of our lives on this memory foam mattress," his eyes widened.

"I didn't mean it, you're better than cake," she pouted. "Our relationship is not based on sex. Sex is the cherry on top and i'm ready for my cherry on top," she nodded quickly.

"I'm tired,"

"You can't be tired! we have to turn this room into a Jackson Pollock under black light," she waved her hand around.

"First, that is is disgusting,..." he deadpanned. "Like I can't believe that came out of your mouth. This room doesn't need our help,...it probably already looks like an abstract expressionism under black light and now I can't stop thinking about it. I'm going to have to sleep on top of the covers because I can't stop thinking about all the prostitutes that probably slept in this bed,"

"Right?" Blair half nodded. "Though they probably didn't sleep in it as much as they,..." she shrugged and snuggled into him hoping he would change his mind about going straight to sleep if he smelled her perfume.

Dan had a sudden realization as they both stared up at the ceiling, "Blair?"

"Yes?"

"We didn't have dinner,"

"Not if popcorn doesn't count," her eyes rolled up to look at him.

"It definitely doesn't count. Wanna get room service?" he popped up off the bed.

"Humphrey, you're telling me that the guy who sneaks in his own concession treats and refuses to purchase a fifty dollar bottle of wine would splurge on room service?,"

"Get whatever you want," he smiled handing her the menu.

They ordered several dishes and tasted everything before they fell asleep snuggled together completely dressed.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Dan packed up the car the next morning as Blair watched. "Good morning miss," the valet spoke sweetly to Blair who was grumbling.

"It would be a good morning if I wasn't forced to get out of bed at the crack of dawn," she sighed crossing her arms in front of her.

"I told you, we needed to leave early," Dan reminded her.

"I didn't think you meant six am," she smiled sarcastically as Dan thanked the valet. "Tell me where we're going!" she begged.

"Nope,"

"Where are we going, Humphrey?" she asked again as Dan opened the car door for her. "you should really tell me so I can veto it before we actually get there and I complain the whole time...I have a strong aversion to bed and breakfasts, and if you didn't figure out in the last fifteen years,..." she flipped her hair, "...i'm not a fan of the outdoors," she placed her large cat-eye sunglasses over her eyes and held on to Dan's hand as she settled happily in her seat.

"Before you start this car I demand to know where we're going,"

Dan reached to the back seat and handed Blair a familiar sweater with an unmistakable emblem. Her eyes immediately filled with overwhelming happy tears. Her fingers ran over the embroidered lettering, and her mind reeled to all the times Dan wore that sweater before they were dating. All the times they ran over to each-other's apartments to study or borrow books, or have dinner, or even kiss. She chuckled thinking about how naughty it felt at the time but how truly innocent their kissing was in retrospect.

"Will you go to New Haven with me? he asked sweetly. Blair looked up, pulling from her sweet memories that swirled around in her mind.

"_Step on it Humphrey_," she said softly before leaning in to kiss him.

New Haven went by in a blink but even still, the day felt long. They had lunch at their old favourite place, stole a lecture, walked through campus hand-in-hand, pointing at their old apartments that resided in the distance. They checked into a nearby hotel after their late dinner. It wasn't as fancy as the Ritz but it was quite beautiful and included a large jet tub similar to the one they used to have in their shared apartment. Dan ran Blair a bath as she relaxed with a glass of wine by the small fireplace.

"I miss being lazy with you," Blair said out of nowhere. The strap of her lingerie was hanging somewhere around her elbow, she hoped he noticed and helped the other one down. The night before had been a bust and although Dan did say this trip was not about sex, Blair was starting to get antsy and almost wished that it was.

"Hm?" Dan's eyebrows crinkled.

"I never really had that level of relaxation in my life before you. Sure Dorota would draw me lavender baths but my mind was always consumed with tasks I needed to achieve the moment I stepped out of the water,"

"Well you were in pursuit of something. You had so many goals you needed to achieve then. When I stepped into your life you were two skips away from graduating," he looked through his travel bag and pulled out a novel.

Blair thought for a moment, "I miss us reading on parallel couches and side by side in bed," she said thoughtfully, her eyes starring into space. "Spaghetti dinners at your apartment, editing each-others work, watching movies and later breakfast in bed, pajama days. I never thought I wanted or needed that,"

"You're all ready if you want to get in," he said referring to the bathtub that had a fine layer of bubbles on the surface.

"Are you coming with me?" she asked.

"No you enjoy," he smiled and offered a novel to Blair. She chuckled lightly knowing he was trying to recreate a moment of them reading together but separately. She always felt so tethered to him when they read in the same room.

As Blair slipped into the tub she watched Dan to see if he was peeking from the leather arm chair he was sitting on. To Blair's disappointment, he was enthralled by his book and didn't even care to glance at her naked body. His eyes were covered with his reading glasses and glued to the page in front of him. Once she was settled, she lifted the book and began reading. After ten minutes the water was cold and she decided to get out. Again Dan didn't sneak a peek. She put her robe on and climbed into his lap. Blair starred at him thoughtfully, he smiled feeling her eyes on him but didn't lower the novel. Blair smirked and removed Dan's glasses, placing them on the table beside him. Dan then closed his book and took her face in his hands before kissing her until she was out of breath. Blair scooted down and rested her head on his chest. "I'm so happy to be here with you," she whispered.

"Me too," he agreed and tilted his head to the side to kiss her gently. "Blair,..." His hand ran up her arm and she closed her eyes contently. "..._D'you love me?_"

",...You know I do," she pulled from him wondering why he would ask such a thing.

"I've put you through a lot so I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't there yet,"

Blair frowned, "I'm always going to love you. I've been upset with you, angry with you, and i've hated you, but I always loved you," she ran her fingers along his chest.

"Underneath a thick layer of hatred, you loved me?,..." he couldn't really believe her.

"Yes," she breathed. "I spent so many nights furious with you. I've been hysterically angry with you to the point of crying, i've been so furious I think I never want to see you again, and I have said many terrible things to you, but I know myself and I know that in the heat of the moment I can do or say things that would make you believe otherwise but yeah, I love you. I always have, through all of this," she whispered.

Dan didn't say anything, "If I didn't care I wouldn't have tried and I sure as hell wouldn't be here right now," she explained while running her fingertips along his face.

"I uh, saw Lint the other day,"

"Oh yeah?" she asked casually. "Did you talk to him?" she asked.

"I couldn't. I don't think I ever apologized and I wouldn't know where to start," he scratched his head.

"I told him not to touch you and he didn't listen," Blair shrugged saying that it was all Lint's fault.

"Blair,..." Dan pulled away from her. "Stop giving me excuses. Stop acting like everything is okay. You told me to leave. You didn't want me in the office and Lint was trying to be helpful, he didn't do anything wrong and I punched him!" he said with disgust.

"You were going out of your mind because I was ignoring you, you felt like you had no control over anything and got carried away. I don't blame you and neither does Lint,"

"I feel like i'm being patronized," he got off the chair. "I don't want you to make excuses for me," he groaned and paced the length of the window.

"Dan,..." Blair got up and followed him. "You're asking me to make excuses for you," she crossed her arms. "What do you want me to say? you want me to agree that what you did was awful and make you take me home? Do you want me to be honest with you?" she said with a clenched jaw.

"Please," he nodded.

"There is no excuse for the way you behaved in my office," she said seriously. "There is no way in hell i'm okay with the way you conducted yourself that day and yes i'm still angry about it,"

"Why didn't you just say that?"

"Because it doesn't matter anymore. I'm trying to put you at ease and soothe your guilt. I'm not going to let you beat yourself up over a bruised cheekbone. I don't want to live in the past. We're on a vacation and I don't want to talk about it. I'm done talking about it!" she spoke loudly but very relaxed as if nothing mattered anymore.

Dan massaged his temples for a moment. "Maybe you needed the bath more than I did," Blair smiled lightly. She climbed back on to the bed, her knees digging into the mattress. "Come here," she called for him. Dan slowly approached her, "Can we just try and start new? can we live in the moment?" Dan nodded gently but not very convincingly as Blair gently tugged at the silk robe tie until it fell open. After Dan's eyes traced the part of her body that was left exposed, his hand snaked around her hip and rested on her back, her skin was still damp from the bath.

"_Am I the best you ever had?_" she purred letting his hand explore her body. Without answering, Dan's lips captured her very sensitive nipple and sucked. "Oooo," Blair felt a surge of pleasure hit between her legs as if there was a direct nerve from her breast to her clit. "_Am I the best?_" she asked again through hooded eyes as Dan's finger tips now grazed down the hollow curve of her spine and followed down her ass. "Oh!" Blair felt his fingers curve and tease her already wet folds until he gently pressed a finger inside her. "_You're not answering the question_," she said impishly while enjoying every second of his skilled fingers.

"_Without a shadow of a doubt_," he nuzzled her until he was kissing her neck, his fingers now slick and sliding around her clit. "_You're the best_," his lips captured hers. Her tongue slid against his. Blair wished he would continue and explain, she starred into his eyes for a moment as she moaned. Dan moved closer and linked both hands with hers, gently moving her down to lay on the bed. He kissed down her stomach and parted her legs.

"_Do I have the nicest pussy?_" she asked in a whisper as he kissed her thighs. Dan laughed against her legs and continued kissing.

"_Mhmm_," he nodded with desire in his eyes.

"_You're not lying?_" she asked self-consciously as she parted her legs further and ran her perfectly manicured fingers along her pristine opening. Dan watched her fingertips with pink fingernails disappear as she dipped them inside herself. She was glistening and he just wanted to taste her, put his tongue on the hottest part of her body and feel her hips twist and buckle in pleasure.

"_I'm definitely not lying_," he shook his head but didn't take his eyes off her pristine entrance that she continued to rub and tease. He wanted to touch her so bad but instead he just watched intrigued by the way she pet herself.

"_Do I give the best head?_" she asked then pouted reminding him of those heart shaped lips that could suck him dry.

"_You deserve awards baby_," he relaxed on the bed grabbed hold of her wrist, "Slow down," he said in a low voice. Blair gulped and did what he said, her fingers began to run up and down herself in an agonizingly slow pace while Dan's hand moved and rested on her leg.

"_Like this?_" she made soft moaning sounds. Much like Dan would think when writing, he contemplated her technique. "I_ can't do it like you do_," she whispered. Without a word, Dan guided Blair's fingers, she loved the feel of fingers brushing against his.

"_Just like that_," he kissed her inner thigh as she moaned.

"I don't want to learn..." she sighed. "_I don't need to learn_," she smirked. "I have you," she touched his hair lovingly. Dan didn't need her to spell it out for him, he knew she wanted him to do all the work. He took hold of her wrist again and pulled her hand away from herself. Blair's eyes snapped shut as Dan's fingers played her like some kind of instrument. He always knew exactly what he was doing and Blair attributed that to Dan's attention to details. She was sure he had a manual up in his brain on how to properly finger her.

"_You're so beautiful Dais_," he breathed. "...so perfect," he placed pressure on her clit and she grabbed a fist full of pillow, biting down on her lip. Dan looked up at her face and smiled in a naughty way wondering why she was keeping quiet. He figured it was from habit now that they were in a secret tryst. Blair had her eyes shut but calmed down as Dan eased up on her.

"OOOHMYG_GGGGAHH_HHH!" she lost all inhibition as Dan's tongue came out of nowhere and accompanied his fingers, sending a burst of bliss through her whole body. He rubbed her clit furiously as she continued to scream and pant in pleasure.

As she came down from the brush with heaven she sighed. "_Y-you killed me_. I'm dead," she laid like a starfish as she caught her breath. "_Oh my god_..." she pressed her hands to her forehead.

Dan chuckled in modest achievement and crawled up beside her. He rested his chin on his hand and starred at her. "oh god,...," she looked over to see him smiling at her. "muah! muah! muah!" she pressed loud, hard kisses all over his face. "Thank-you!" Dan crinkled his nose and smiled as if he was saying 'you're welcome'.

"W-what do,..." she took a deep breath. "What do you want me to do?" she asked sweetly.

"I don't want you to do anything," he whispered.

"Daniel,..." she pouted. "I can think of a few things I haven't done in a long time. One that you really like..." she bit her lip trying to entice him.

"I never wanted to leave you, you know," he said.

"...What?" she wondered where this was coming from, why was he so in his head tonight.

"I,...wanted to stay so bad," he frowned.

"Stop," she touched his face. "stop," she repeated. "We're on a vacation," she reminded him.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"When you left i'm not proud of the woman I became..." she chuckled lightly trying to change the mood of the conversation.

"Like break-up rituals and stuff?"

"MMm, Full on Carrie Underwood stuff,...Miranda Lambert came out a few times too..." she rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry you resorted to country music break-up songs because of me," his head tilted. Blair laughed and pushed gently on his apologetic face.

"You know they tell you that these songs will make you feel better but they never do. They make you feel worse and then I was just left missing you after...I dreamt you proposed to Amanda two days after I found out you were dating," she shared.

"That's ridiculous," he assured her.

"Tell that to my brain. I dreamt about each and every girlfriend you had over the year,"

"I had like two," he chuckled at her exaggeration.

"Amanda, Claudia and Gillian, three," she said.

"Amanda was more of a friend than anything," he said while pressing his forehead against hers.

"You never kissed her?" Blair's hand gently rested on Dan's shoulder as they laid facing each-other.

"I think she may have wanted me to but,...like I said, I did not see her that way. Our shared interests only got us so far. I thought of her like I thought of Doug,"

"What about Claudia?"

Dan didn't think these questions were a good idea but Blair's eyes pierced him for information, he knew he needed to be honest and put her mind at ease. "I was never attracted to Claudia," he said honestly.

"Not even a little?"

"No," he said regretfully, aware he was using her to take his mind off his problems.

"Gillian?" Blair's eyes were more piercing than ever.

"It's,..." he inhaled. "It's easy to be with someone when they think so highly of you, especially when you're not really a fan of yourself,"

"Did you have sex with her?" she knew the answer already but somehow hoped he would answer different.. Perhaps he was angry and lied to her about it before.

"Yes," he watched Blair's eyes leave his face and settle on the pillow for a moment. She made a strange face then looked back at him.

"Was I better?" she smirked. Dan closed his eyes with a soft laugh.

"Well it depends," his hands moved around waist and pulled her naked body against his clothed body. "Am I better than Patrick?" his eyebrows lifted.

"Can you believe what we're talking about?," Blair laughed. "Only us right?"

"I think we're being very mature about this. Surprisingly mature. But I still want you to answer the question," he blinked.

"What was that question again?" Blair played coy teasing the neckline of Dan's shirt.

"Is Patrick better?"

"Oh Dan,..." she rolled her eyes with a laugh, "why would I be with you now if he was!" she joked and Dan pined her against the bed.

"You are such a pain in the ass," Dan laughed running his hands down her body.

"_I want you inside me right now,_" she purred as his mouth made it's way back to her breasts.

"Yeah?" he asked coyly as Blair sat up and removed his shirt for him.

"Yeah,..." she moaned clawing at the waistband of his boxer shorts.

**XOXOXOX**

"My baby girl!" Blair beamed.

Blair picked Nicky up just moments after parting with Dan. She was thrilled to see Nicky and rushed to hug her. "I have to go home now Lucky! come say bye," Nicky called the dog over to her.

"Sweetheart, you can play with Lucky for a bit while I talk to Nina," Nicky ran over and grabbed Nina's shoe and threw it down the hall, Lucky galloped towards it.

"So how was your weekend?" Nina practically rolled her eyes.

"Would you stop..."

"You lied to me and said you were going to a manager's meeting," she blinked. "I'm not babysitting your kid so you can galavant with your ex,"

"You could have left her with Nate if it was really that big of a deal," Blair said with a clenched jaw.

"I'm just a little surprised that you still can't deal with your shit," she said passive aggressively.

"My shit? how am I supposed to deal with my shit the way you want me to while she's around? you don't want me to bring her into it, but you don't want me to spend time with Dan,...what do you want me to do exactly?"

"I want you to stop acting like a teenager and grow the fuck up," she said under her breath for Nicky's sake.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You still haven't talked about anything!, you went on a vacation together! you didn't deal with reality on any level!"

"Why do you think that?" Blair's jaw clenched.

"Because if you did,..." Nina scoffed. "You would want to divorce him all over again..."

"he made a mistake Nina,..."

"And now you're making one,"

"This isn't about you Nina. Just because your mom traded your dad for a bag of cocaine doesn't mean you know everything,"

"After you get married and he starts using again how are you going to explain to Nicky that mommy and daddy are getting divorced again?"

"You lied. You have absolutely no faith in him," Blair looked disgusted with her.

"No Blair," she shook her head. "You have no faith in him. You wouldn't have left in the first place if you had any faith in him,"

Blair shook her head.

"You can't ignore what happened if you want this to work," Nina crossed her arms.

"I know that!"

"No you don't," Nina shook her head. "You cringe every-time I try to get you to consider the possibility of him using again. You have to know that there's the possibility and when you accept him back into your life you have to be there this time. You have to stand by his side no matter what. It's an illness and you can't take it so personally,"

"I take it very personally that he even did it in the first place,"

"If it happens again you have no other choice. You have to go into this prepared for a possible relapse. You have no other choice,"

"I have no other choice?" Blair starred at Nina with resentment. "So let me get this straight, if Dan selfishly decides that he'd rather have his precious cocaine over his family, i'm supposed to stand by him and help him? I'm supposed to accept the fact he cares more about his high than his daughter? And I suppose you think I should be that woman without a backbone who defends her husband's choices at every turn, makes excuses for him and loves him blindly? I suppose you think I should also have no voice of my own?" she was so angry she could scream, and if it wasn't for Nicky she probably would be screaming.

Nina didn't say anything she just looked at Blair stoically. "How is that fair to me?" Blair asked.

"...Exactly," Nina said.

"You don't know what you're talking about," Blair was so irritated now.

"Everything could be perfectly fine. But you can't pretend the possibility isn't there because if it does happen you're doomed and my concern is that little girl. I don't care how you and Dan damage yourselves, I just don't want her to end up like me,"

"My daughter was raised in a home full of love, she'll never end up like you,"

"You can leave now,"

"Way ahead of you," she said in a sickeningly sweet voice before calling for Nicky. "C'mon babe, Daddy invited us over for dinner," Blair smiled widely at Nina before exiting.

"Thank-you Nina," Nicky smiled.

"You're Welcome hun," she chucked the shoe as hard as she could when they were gone.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Nicky was having a fabulous night. Her mom and dad cooked together and she sat at the island supervising them. Blair needed Nicky's guidance when navigating through Dan's kitchen while he was on a business call. "Where does daddy keep the spices?"

"In the cupboard beside the fridge,"

"This one?" she pointed.

"Nope, the other one,"

"Wow, Blair Waldorf cooking and it smells,...edible," Dan came back and leaned over Blair to taste the sauce she was cooking.

"What do you think," she could feel him close to her neck and she stopped breathing.

"It's good," he smiled with a little surprise.

They all ate together in the dining-room and discussed Thanksgiving plans and what Nicky would be learning about in school the next morning. Later they walked to Dan's favourite bakery and had brownies for dessert. Nicky had hot cocoa while Dan and Blair had coffee. Blair's hand reached for Dan's hand that rested against the table, she brushed it away immediately when she realized what she was doing, Dan didn't react for fear Nicky would notice. When they got back, Blair said her goodbyes to Nicky and tucked her into her bed.

"I didn't mean to hold your hand," Blair cringed once she and Dan were alone.

"I almost kissed you like three times," Dan shrugged.

Blair looked in the direction of Nicky's bedroom. "You can kiss me now," she smiled. Dan leaned in and captured her plump, bottom lip between his lips. Blair moaned into his mouth and sighed when he rested his hand on the side of her face, pulling her in deeper and slipping his tongue against hers. Dan walked backwards toward his room, Blair followed with her lips still working at his.

"Shhh-shhh!" Blair giggled at how Dan didn't seem to care if they caused any noise.

"Why?" he picked her up effortlessly, his hands gripping her thighs. She pulled his shirt over his head easily, then wrapped her arms around his bare neck and shoulders. The heat coming off his body made her desperate to feel him against her bare skin. She pulled him closer and closer, her legs squeezing around his waist. Finally, they crashed on to Dan's bed, Blair had already set her earrings down on the end table and she worked on getting her pesky tights off. Dan threw his belt to the chair and started to help Blair. "Sh-shh-shh!" she hushed him as he seemed to forget that their daughter's room is not much more than twenty feet away.

"DADDY!" Nicky's voice rang-out. Blair pulled away her lips already swollen from kisses. She sighed and her hand smacked her knee in frustration. "This is your fault," she said under her breath.

"I'll be right back,...right back," he explained easily as he lifted off the bed and slipped his shirt back on. "She probably just wants some water," he said after Blair gave him a glare.

"DADDY!" Nicky yelled louder.

"On my way Chickie!" he called out. Blair listened intently trying to figure out how much could be heard from this distance. She didn't hear anything, not her daughter's voice, not Dan's voice, nothing.

"You okay baby?" Dan leaned against Nicky's door frame.

"Can I sleep in your room?" she asked.

"What's wrong?" he sat at the edge of her bed and ran a hand over her hair. She frowned and pulled her knees up under her chin, Dan tilted his head to the side and noticed a book cover peeking out from under her pillow. "Nicky, when I tell you not to read my books I mean it," he said sternly as he pulled it out from under the pillow. "I'm not kidding around,"

"I'm sorry,"

Dan shook his head, "no more," he shoved it under his arm. "You have a bookcase full of age appropriate books, you don't need to read my books,"

"But I want to!"

"That's too bad, you're ten,...and you obviously can't handle them if you're calling for me right now," Nicky looked positively sad."I love that you want to read my books, I do. But you're not ready for them and you won't even be able to appreciate them so why don't you just wait? ok?" he kissed her forehead.

"Okay,"

"Do you want some water?"

"No i'm okay," she settled back down in her bed.

"Do you want me to stay with you until you fall asleep?" he asked sweetly.

"Yes please,"

"Scoot over," he stroked her hair lovingly until she drifted off to sleep. Dan smiled at his angel for a moment before slowly getting up.

"Is she okay?" Blair asked when he returned.

"She's fine. Already fell back to sleep," he placed his hand on her face and kissed her.

"In these situations I just feel like the girlfriend," she moved away.

"You are the girlfriend," he laid her down then pulled his his shirt over his head while settling in-between her bent legs.

"You know what I mean,...I feel like I have to stand back while you play daddy and i'm just daddy's mistress," her hands splayed across his chest as he moved closer.

"Maybe next time we'll go to your house?," he said with a shrug as his lips planted on hers again.

"You know that wouldn't work,..." she kissed him with her hand on the back of his neck. "Dorota is always there," she breathed.

"I'll come over when she goes to bed and leave before she gets up...," he bit and released her lip gently then went for her neck. Blair's eyes fluttered then closed.

"Uh you smell good," she moaned, the bed creaked slightly and Blair froze.

"What?" Dan asked starting to get frustrated with her.

They both closed their eyes. "Hold on,..." they both froze hoping the noise they heard was just the bed creaking and not Nicky getting out of her bed.

"I don't want to take the chance," Blair grabbed for her tights.

"Wait, wait, wait,..." Dan held his hand out.

They smiled at one another when they realized they were safe, Blair brushed her lips against his as if to give him permission to continue. "Why are you wearing so much clothing?" Dan asked seeing that he was down to his boxers and she was still wearing her dress, her cardigan and her scarf. Blair popped up off the bed and threw off her scarf tossing it to him. Dan ran the scarf through his hands with a smile as she unzipped her dress, shimmied it down her legs and stepped out of it once it pooled on the floor. She moved her hands behind her back and unhinged her bra, letting it fall to the ground, Dan's eyes gleamed up at her, he smiled still playing with her scarf. She turned around to give him a full view of her thong, then bent over slightly as she slowly pulled it down her legs.

"Dan,..."

"What?" he smirked.

"I know that look," she used her knees to get up on the bed and nuzzled against him.

"Tell me you hate it," he said. "I won't do it if you don't like it," he bit her earlobe gently.

"I like it," she smiled impishly as she laid down and held her hands out so Dan could tie them together with the scarf and secure it around the headboard. she loved watching him tie her up, it was like he was on a mission, his face so serious as he checked to see if they were tight enough. "Dan," she whispered and kissed by his ear. "I can't cover my mouth,"

"it's okay," he kissed her. Her legs twisted as Dan paid attention to her breasts. Blair bit her lip firmly insuring she wouldn't make any noise. When her hands were tied together she felt like everything was about her, every inch of her body was worshipped while she simply relaxed and enjoyed herself. Her whole body was buzzing after less than a minute, Dan moved down and parted her legs, he touched her softly, his finger tips running slowly and expertly with just the right amount of delicateness and pressure. When she felt him move his face closer, her hips buckled.

"I can't,..." she protested. "I'll scream," she warned him.

"No you'll be okay,"

"No, I have no self control when you,..._Oh god you never listen_," she hissed feeling his hot mouth on her core. "Dan,..." she said with warning, her eyes blinked rapidly as she tried to will herself to keep quiet. "Uh Dan,..." her tied up hands tensed into fists, "no no no no no..." she whispered as she felt herself quickly approaching orgasm. Dan stopped abruptly and got up on his knees, Blair was relieved because she knew she wouldn't be able to stifle herself completely with how intense she was building to that release. Just as she began to think she had a handle on things, Dan plunged into her with one swift motion, she fell over the edge deeper than she could ever imagine with one thrust, his lips covered hers instantly. Her legs squeezed around his waist, her toes curled. They stayed motionless, as she cried into his mouth, her eyes squeezed shut. "Oh my god, oh my god," she panted with her cheek pressed against his, her lips pulled into a huge smile, Dan moved her hair off her face and starred down at her. "That was so incredible," her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath. Blair's eyes sparkled with satisfaction and gratitude before she sighed contently and rested her face against the pillow. "Oh you're still here?" her eyes flew open, she giggled but Dan just starred down at her seriously.

"Untie me," she giggled again but Dan remained serious.

"I just realized you're here with me," he said softly. Blair frowned lightly wondering why he was having this epiphany now when they had been doing this for weeks. "I know that sounds really,...I just never had time to really think about it until now,"

"Untie me," she whispered. Dan pulled at the ribbon-like scarf until it loosened and pulled off her wrists. Blair wrapped her arms around Dan's shoulders and held him close, she moved her hips gently, until she was rocking against him. Dan's head was buried in her hair, she ran her finger tips over his back. "What do you want me to do," she asked sweetly. "I'll do anything you want," she smirked impishly as he looked at her. "You know I have and will...do anything," she wiggled her eyebrows. Dan shook his head with a chuckle.

"Who are you?" he asked softly.

"I'm your wife and I demand you to give me instruction," she bit her lip immediately. "..._sometimes I forget_," she gulped realizing her error.

"Me too," he sighed. Blair moved herself to get on top of him. Her fingertips traced his tattoo, feeling secure and optimistic knowing it was still there. Dan circled Blair's tattoo with his fingertip and she smiled. Blair rocked on top of him, slow and with purpose as they kissed passionately, sucking in breaths and willing themselves to remain as quiet as possible.

Dan set the alarm on his phone for six am so Blair could sneak out without Nicky knowing. When the familiar sound of digital bells rang out, Dan stretched with a yawn. Blair wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed up his jawline until she reached his ear. "Can I come over tomorrow night?" she whispered while holding on to him.

"Mhmm," he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. "Nicky is going to that show with my dad," he reminded her as he stroked her face gently.

"I'll be over at seven,"

"Okay," he smiled softly, she brushed his face and kissed him again.

"I should go," she said softly while snuggling into him.

Neither Dan or Blair know how it happened but they both fell back to sleep, tangled together under the duvet completely sans clothing.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"Was this to make a baby or just for fun?" Nicky said as she starred at them from the foot of the bed. Dan's eyes flung open in complete shock, Blair pulled the duvet up higher with a gasp then looked at the alarm clock that read 7:30 am.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

**A/N:** All present day! What did you think? drop me a line or five. XOXO thanks for reading you're all spectacular!


	29. Skyfall

**A/N: **I'm so happy that you guys keep reviewing it's really helping and inspiring me to continue. Knowing people are following my story so carefully makes me want to write better, and it lets me know I have an audience...so I have to satisfy that audience. I wanted to give up a long time ago, truthfully I want to give up everyday but your kind words and your constructive criticisms make me want to finish this properly. There will be some familiar or non familiar parts to this chapter depending on if you've read 'Maybe' or haven't read it in a long time. I know some of you read it over and over and i'm so touched by that! that's incredible to me. I really need to answer some questions since you've all been too kind to me. Thanks again, xoxo-**FQ**

**Q&A: **

**Guest:** I'm confused. Maybe you explain a little more in the next chapter, but did Dan have to pick between saving the baby or saving Blair? And I'm assuming he picked Blair, did they have to do something to her or was it because Connor is a preemie? The comment "she's too young" sort of confused.

**FQ:** You're probably right to be confused. I sometimes forget that the ideas in my head don't always translate. I assume and expect people to understand my inferences and I think i'm being clear but that's not always the case. Dan was given the option to wait it out and see if Blair stabilized but he knew there would be a greater risk that she would die. Dan wanted the medical team to work fast and save Blair at all costs even if that meant their baby would be born much too premature. He had the choice to wait around and chance losing both of them or take a leap of faith and hope both of them would make it out okay. Nina's comment is referring to the fact Blair had a hysterectomy. I have to remind you that Dan and Blair got married not long after they graduated University, so in this universe i've created, they're very young.

**Magnus57: **And speaking of Nina, is she pregnant with Nate's child?

**FQ:** Yepp. She's full of Archibald DNA. Crazy right?

**OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**'SKYFALL'**

ADELE

JAMES BOND: SKYFALL

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"Was this to make a baby or just for fun?" Nicky said as she starred at them from the foot of the bed. Dan's eyes flung open in complete shock, Blair pulled the duvet up higher with a gasp then looked at the alarm clock that read 7:30 am. Thankfully, Blair noticed they were strategically covered by blankets and sheets, though she wondered how long her daughter had been watching them for. Didn't they lock the door? didn't he say he locked the door? Or maybe he asked her to lock the door? were they that caught up in the moment they didn't even think to lock the door?. It had happened before, Nicky once walked in around two am when they were in an even worse position, to their relief she was very young and a quick explanation that daddy was just kissing a boo-boo mommy had on her chest, sufficed her young, curious mind. They wouldn't be able to make up an excuse now, she was too smart and too perceptive to even attempt that.

"I'm leaning towards fun considering you're kind of divorced..." she looked at them both and blinked hoping for an explanation. There was an unmistakable smirk on her face that reminded Dan of times when Blair gained blackmail; judgement mixed with enjoyment. She was pleased she found her parents in this position but she was not going to make it easy for them.

"Nicky, what is the rule about mom and dad's room?" Blair cleared her throat and sat up against the head board while smoothing out her hair.

"That I have to knock. Which I did,...but technically," she tapped her chin. "...This is just my dad's room. I'm allowed in here,...i'm not sure if you are though," she said smugly.

"Nicky can you wait for us in the kitchen?" Dan asked.

"Why so you can put clothes on?" she sassed.

"Nicky!" Blair was appalled even if her daughter was right.

"It's a legitimate question," she laughed.

"Kitchen._ Now_," Dan pointed sternly not too happy with Nicky's sassy attitude. Nicky spun around so fast her hair twirled as she exited. "Well things could be worse,..." he looked at them seeing they were completely covered.

"HhhOh my god," Blair covered her eyes.

"Things could be worse," he leaned over the side of the bed to fetch a t-shirt.

"What could be worse?" she groaned as Dan handed her bra over.

"She's caught us like this before," Dan tried to shrug it off while he threw his shirt over his head.

"When we were married!" she reminded him.

"Let's just have breakfast,"

When Dan and Blair entered the kitchen they found Nicky sitting at the kitchen table with her arms crossed over her chest. She tried not to laugh as they did their walk of shame.

"Wow, you both look so awfully tired. Did you not sleep well? or not sleep much?"

"Nicky..." Blair said sternly as she joined her daughter at the table.

Dan's ears were bright red as he rambled about breakfast and what they should have. "French toast or waffles?"

"Either," Blair said.

Nicky couldn't stop smirking as Blair tried to read the paper. She slipped off her chair after a moment, "Do you need help Dan?" she rushed behind the counter knowing Dan was getting the better end of the stick by not having to sit at the table. For the next ten minutes the apartment was completely silent except for Dan and Blair who spoke quietly back and fourth about breakfast.

"These ones?"

"Mhm," he nodded.

"Do you think that's enough?"

"Yeah,"

"Orange juice or coffee?"

"Tea?"

"Sure. Sweetener or sugar?"

"What kind of tea is it?"

"Earl Grey,"

"Sweetener please,"

"I have to tell you i'm pleased we didn't have an earthquake last night," Nicky piped up.

"...," Dan and Blair ignored her then spoke under their breaths.

"What did she mean by earthquake?..."

"She's just teasing us,"

"No, were we actually that loud?,"

"No," he shook his head.

Finally Dan and Blair sat at the table avoiding eye contact with their daughter, they felt like teenagers that had been caught by their parents. Dan placed Nicky's plate in front of her without a word. For a moment they ate in silence, Dan and Blair's heads both downcast at they focused on their breakfast. Blair ran her fork through the syrup on her plate. Dan starred down at his crossword puzzle for much longer than usual. Nicky's eyes darted between them and she covered her mouth to prevent herself from laughing. Dan stuffed half his waffle into his mouth, not wanting to sit here any longer. He took a gulp of his coffee and stood up. Blair chopped her waffles up with her fork so much it actually looked like she ate something, she exclaimed that she was done too and got up. Dan rushed to the table and collected the cutlery and napkins.

"shall we address the shark in the room?" Nicky looked up at her parents who stood behind the counter furiously washing dishes.

"...You mean the elephant," Dan said turning away from her.

"Oh no,...this is a shark," Nicky smiled. "and it's circling around and making you very nervous apparently,"

Blair looked to Dan wondering what they were supposed to do. Where were they supposed to go from here? There was no guide to how they dealt with this situation. She was much to smart to lie to. "Someone should probably start explaining because I have to leave for school shortly and I'm not going anywhere until I get my explanation,"

"Well that's just too bad because that's not how this works, we're the parents, you're the kid . I don't like your sass so cut it out," Dan dropped a fork into the sink with a loud pang.

"Dan,..." Blair knew he was mad.

"I'm cleaning up, in the meantime I suggest you collect all your homework that's strewn all over my office and put it in your bag," he said. "You have a clean uniform in your closet," Nicky slipped off her chair, "No makeup!" he called after her, "don't even think about it!"

"Don't be mad at her,"

"I'm not mad at her," he took a gulp of his coffee. "I'm not mad at all,"

"Dan,..." she smiled lightly. "It doesn't mean we have to stop,"

"Yeah it kind of does,"

"No," she shook her head. "We can tell her, we can be honest,"

"That might not be a good idea,"

"Who's to say that our daughter will thrive better by keeping her in the dark?...who dictates how we're allowed to raise her? we know her better than anyone and this can only be good for her,"

"I don't know. I don't want to confuse her,"

"Let's be honest with her. She's a very smart girl,"

Blair walked into Nicky's room and sat on her bed. "You keep your room here very tidy," she smiled. "Why doesn't that happen at my apartment?"

"Because daddy is a drill sergeant," she shrugged with a laugh.

"I don't think so," Blair laid her hand on the the freshly made bed. "I think it's because you know i'll do it all for you,"

"You take care of me and Dorota takes care of you,"

"That's because I wanted you to know that your mom had time to take care of you. When I was a little girl my mom didn't have time to braid my hair," she said solemnly and smiled as she looked down at Nicky's teddy bear that wore a Yale sweater. She was positive there was no other ten year-old girl that thought about college as much as her daughter did.

Nicky looked apologetic to her mom, she always knew her grandma wasn't very involved in her mom's life when she was younger. "I can braid your hair," Nicky sat down beside her mom and gave her a hug. "Daddy is pretty good at it too," she giggled. Blair smiled and pressed a kiss to her daughter's forehead.

"Nic," she cleared her throat. "Mommy and Daddy were together for a very long time," she pressed her lips together wondering if that made sense. "We have a special bond, So,...sometimes we fall back into old habits," she squeezed her hand. "Does that make sense?"

"It's difficult for you to stop having sex?" she asked. Blair closed her eyes not knowing if this was a good conversation to have with her young daughter but it was too late, the damage was done.

"Honey, you know that sex isn't only either to make a baby or for fun right?" her eyebrows raised. "People have sex because they love each-other and they want to show it,"

"You love him?"

"I do and I always will. I'm disappointed that you had to find out this way. I'm upset that we've brought you into this because we didn't want to confuse you. I need you to know that this doesn't mean daddy and I are getting back together ok?,"

"It just means you love each-other," she said telling her mom she understood.

"Yes," she nodded.

"If you love each-other,..." her eyes fell to the ground. "if you love him and he loves you,.."

"Oh...," Blair knew where she was going. "I don't expect this to make sense but love isn't our problem and it never was. That's not something you need to worry about. I just want you to know that whatever happened this morning doesn't mean what you think it does. Daddy and I are_ not_ getting back together we just aren't doing a good job at this divorce stuff, we're very bad at it because we're such good friends but we're trying,"

"Okay," she nodded. Blair smiled knowing Nicky was such a special little girl, she seemed very appeased by this answer. "Mommy, I want you and daddy to be friends. You don't have to keep that a secret from me,"

"Thank-you," she kissed her cheek.

"I was talking to Nate and he made me realize that someday my life might be kind of like yours where i'll have step-parents. You love Cyrus and Roman and maybe one day if you and daddy get married to other people i'll love them too," she smiled.

Blair nodded with a smile but her stomach dropped at that possibility. "Yeah, Nate is very right about that," she tried to smile again but all she wanted to do was find Dan and tell him that this was her worst nightmare. "Go give daddy a hug," she kissed her on the forehead.

Dan and Blair walked Nicky to school a few minute later. Just after the exited they building they ran into Nate. "Oh look who it is,...the _peacoat_ family" Dan looked at Blair and his daughter and realized that they were indeed all wearing pea-coats. "You look like a gap commercial" Nate laughed.

"The Gap?" Blair made a twisty face. "What a terrible insult to Marc Jacobs, Burberry, and _Eleanor Waldorf_..."

"Sorry, sorry," he held his hands out. "Uhm, have you guys talked to Nina lately?"

"I had lunch with her yesterday," Blair said with confusion. "Is something wrong?"

"Oh no, no, I'll let you guys go i'm meeting my mom across town,"

"That was weird," Nicky was the first one to speak.

"Have a good day," Dan called as Nicky ran up the school steps. Dan always watched carefully to make sure she got inside the building. New York preparatory school on the upper easy side was attended by a number of kidnapper's dreams, that included Nicky. The fact the school was number one on the upper east side was not the only reason for their choice, the security system was borderline insane. Men that looked like secret service agents patrolled the halls and definitely made Dan feel much safer.

"Dan I don't want to find us married to other people in five years," Blair pulled hair out of her lipgloss.

"What?" his eyes squinted as she battled the wind, still pulling at her hair.

"Nicky explained that she was okay with the possibility of step-parents and it just made me realize I don't want that and I don't want her to want that or think that's going to happen because it makes me feel sick and..."

"What are you saying?"

"I don't know..."

"We can't tell her that's not going to happen. It might. We can't make any decisions, we're kind of in a limbo. Figuring things out isn't going to take a weekend,"

Blair nodded gently, "Let's have lunch at your place?"

"Yeah, at one?," he gave her a gentle kiss.

"Sounds lovely,"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

_We basically laid in bed all day, I was drained of any left emotions. I didn't sleep anymore, the dark bags under Dan's eyes told that he didn't either. Our kitchen counter was littered with fruit baskets and sympathy cards, still in their envelopes; unopened. The words 'Sorry for your loss' hit me like a truck. Dan wanted to throw them all in the trash without reading them. Just when I thought I was okay, those words would take me back to a place where I held my baby. I was so distraught I didn't know what do with myself in those moments. Usually I sat with my head between my knees and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. Most of the time I went to the elevator to do that alone. The one and only gift I wanted to keep was the necklace with Connor's name engraved. What was supposed to be a push present was now a keepsake of a lost loved one. I didn't need it to remind me of him then, I had a scar that horrified me. I remember thinking I would never be able to look at myself in the mirror again. If I wouldn't take clothes off in front of myself I certainly wasn't taking them off in front of Dan. For the first week home I was in emotional distress but also physical, my midsection took longer to heal than I anticipated and sneezing or any other physical strain on me left me wincing and even crying at times. Dan helped me in and out of the shower, he helped me get dressed but I never let him look at me which I think worried him. We had never gone so long without being intimate. When I was pregnant I read books that said I would have to wait a minimum six weeks after giving birth, I laughed and told him we'd never make it to which the doctor chuckled and told me that whenever I felt ready after three weeks, I should be fine. I assumed the same rule applied for a C-section but I didn't care to know now, I wasn't interested and Dan never showed any interest anymore which gave me relief and fear at the same time. It had been three full months and he hadn't touched me any different than what a doctor would when helping a patient. _

The baby books, the nursery furniture, the clothing, the blankets, and every single baby proofing device had been removed from the apartment. And after the funeral service only open to close friends and immediate family, things started to feel a little bit normal. Dan asked for some time off work and was content to find they gave him an extended leave of absence, he told them he would be writing from home. Blair finally felt like she could move on until the box of Dan's belongings was sent from the office; His Hemingway poster, their wedding photo that sat on his desk, his coffee mug and the framed sonogram photo with the crack in the glass.

"What are you wearing?" Blair sported her usual judgmental face when Nina walked into the apartment.

"You say that to me?" Nina starred at Blair who was wearing Dan's Yale track-pants that hung off her so loosely Dan could give them one tug and they'd fall to her ankles. Though Dan hadn't attempted that lately since they had been abstaining from sex for some unknown reason. "A girl I know from high-school told me that Steven Mattchuck works at this slimy Brooklyn bar that we used to go to with fake IDs...I'm hoping he remembers me," she dropped the look-book on the counter and pulled a compact out of her Louis Vuitton to check her makeup.

"Can I come?" Blair asked meekly sounding completely unlike herself.

"Blair it's a hole. It's not your kind of bar," she pressed on her long eyelashes trying to curl them.

"I can handle it,"

"I'm telling you. You're not going to enjoy yourself. It's dirty, the floors are sticky, the bathroom floods,..." she made a face.

"Nina please, I really need to get out," she pleaded with her friend.

"Okay,...let's go find you and outfit!,"

About an hour later Nina and Blair rushed into her bedroom with shopping bags and began tossing items around. Nina plugged in a curling iron and took it to Blair's shiny, chocolate, brown locks. After, Nina looked Blair up and down before confirming she was acceptable.

"What are you guys doing?" Dan poked his head into their bedroom. He looked curious and shy at the same time, hoping he wasn't interrupting anything.

"We're going to go dancing," Nina shimmied her dress hoping it wasn't too short.

"Oh,..." he nodded. "Interesting outfit," he smiled at Blair wearing something he had never seen her in before. It was a black dress with cutouts exposing the side of ribs, her feet were slipped into high booties.

"Is it too much?" Blair asked Nina while starring at her reflection in the large, floor to ceiling mirror.

"Looks like you dropped fifty bucks at Forever 21, it's good," Nina laughed. Blair cringed and smoothed out her hair.

"I think you look nice," Dan complimented. "Uhm, when do you think you'll be back?" he asked trying not to sound too eager.

"Dan,..."Nina squinted. "Do you want to come?"

"Oh no,...I don't want to impinge on your girl's night,"

"It's not a girl's night. Blair wanted to tag along in my vitamin D pursuit,"

"Your,..." Dan pressed his lips together to prevent himself from laughing.

"Dick, Dan. I'm in search of dick," she said dryly.

"I thought that's what you meant," he laughed.

"So come," Nina shrugged still fluffing up Blair's hair and teasing it for a little more volume at the back.

"Uhm," he looked at Blair not sure if he should accept. Lately he had been feeling like she wanted her alone time from him and had no idea she craved for him to just treat her the same as he always had instead of hugging her like she was breakable or tip toeing around her.

"I want you to come," Blair smiled softly looking at him in the mirror.

"Okay," he nodded.

"Why is everyone hanging out in here?" Nate smacked his hand on the door frame.

"When did you get here?" Nina asked.

"I came in with Dan,"

"We're going to Brooklyn!" Nina said cheerfully.

"Alright!" Nate didn't need any convincing.

"You're DD," Nina pointed.

"What!?" he huffed. "Why me?"

"I can be DD," Dan offered. "I probably won't have much to drink anyway so,.."

"Nope," Nina said quickly then gave Nate a glare. "Dan is getting wasted. You're the last one to show up, that makes you DD,"

"I'll just pay for the cab," Blair shrugged.

"No, you have no idea how hard it is to get a cab at this bar," Nina blinked.

Nate groaned again. "Dan, go put on something 'Brooklyn' " Nina shooed him into the closet.

"I can't believe some of this stuff is still in here," Dan called from inside after a moment.

"I'm just as shocked as you are," Nina laughed that Blair didn't toss out any of Dan's old clothes. "Come out and show us,"

Dan exited the walk in closet and did a little spin. He was wearing a blue and green plaid shirt that was rolled up to his elbows, high-top Nikes and pants Blair found much too loose and baggy but she didn't say a word. Nina took Nate's hat off his head and placed it backwards on Dan before nodding that he would fit in at this Brooklyn bar. "Do I really need you to confirm that I look like i'm from Brooklyn?" he asked with an eyebrow raise.

"Years under Blair's influence has pretty much scrubbed the Brooklyn stench off you,"

"Is that a compliment or,..."

Blair just giggled as she looked at him tug his pants up further. "Were you like twenty pounds heavier when you were younger?" Nina asked.

"No this was the style then," he decided he might need a belt as the elastic band of his Calvin Klein's kept poking out.

"That was not the style," Blair shook her head.

"Definitely not the style," Nate agreed.

"Whatever Justin Bieber, you look CAH-UTE," Nina gave him a little squeeze on the butt. Dan yelped and Blair laughed.

"Can we just go?" Nate was getting antsy.

"What are you in such a rush for mister DD?" Nina teased him.

"I want to get there, do a bunch of shots and sober up. So I would like to start doing that immediately so my night isn't ruined,"

Nina was right the place was a hole. It was dark, loud and smelled,...damp. Like sticky beer had covered the floors for years and was never once mopped up. Even Dan who claimed he could handle a Brooklyn bar better than any of them made a face to which Blair laughed. "Good thing you didn't wear anything too expensive," He commented. Blair laughed and told him Nina was joking about Forever 21 and she was actually wearing Stella McCartney.

"It's expensive trying to look this cheap," she joked.

"Oh you don't look cheap," he smiled sweetly.

"Baby come with me," Nina linked arms with Blair and pulled her up to the bar. As Nina began ordering drinks Blair laughed as the bartender's eyebrows knitted together obviously never hearing of the shots she had been asking for. "Okay then just give me eight shots of Tequila," she pulled her arm from Blair and held up eight fingers.

"Eight?" Blair's eyes bugged.

"Well hello there," a guy at the bar smiled brightly at Blair. "Would you like a Shirley Temple?" he teased her.

"I'm getting shots of tequila actually!" she yelled over the loud music.

"Tequila sunrise?"

"NO!" she used her hand to signal that she didn't want a drink but it was too late the bartender was pouring it.

"Here you are," the guy presented it to her, it had a little pink umbrella and a maraschino cherry. Blair couldn't help but laugh. Usually Nina was the one accepting drinks from random strangers.

"Umm, thank-you. Excuse me," Blair pulled away from the guy when she noticed a girl was practically sitting in Dan's lap, her long, red finger nail dug under his chin so his eyes aligned with hers. He was so caught off guard but found it humorous as he acted like he was tethered to her. Her Dan was always too polite, she found him so endearing as he apologized genuinely to the girl who had preyed on him.

"I'm sorry,...no I'm sorry," he pulled away shyly.

"But,...out of all the guys in here I picked you," she tried to sound like that was something special as she whispered in his ear.

"Why don't you go talk to the guy over there," Dan pointed at Nate who was standing at the other bar.

"You can't come dance with me?" she pouted.

"No, no, no, no..." he refused as she pulled on his arms.

Dan threw his hand up in the air and showed the red-head his wedding band, she laughed out loud with shock. "YOU'RE JOKING RIGHT?" Blair heard her voice yell out over the heavy music. That was her cue. Blair rushed up, and through a crowd of people that was getting denser as the night went on.

"Excuse me," Blair's arm reached out creating a barricade between the girl and Dan, her leg lifted up and over until she was straddling her husband.

"Hello," he smiled. Blair held her left hand up and waved behind her head giving the red-head a good look at her diamond.

"I got us a drink!" Blair showed him the drink that the guy at the bar bought her. Dan smelled it as she brought it to her lips as his hands settled on her bottom.

"Did you see the bartender mix it or did he just hand it to you?"

"Dan,..." Blair rolled her eyes playfully, as she lifted it up to her lips he took it away from her and slid it towards the middle of the table. "You're starting to sound like me, just relax," she rested her hands on his shoulders.

"I don't want you to drink it, i'll buy you something else,"

"SHOTS!" Nina danced over with a tray of tequila shots.

"Well there we go!" Dan handed one to Blair, they sucked them back quickly. Blair made a sour face, her cheeks hollowed out and she coughed.

"SHOTS!" Nate trotted over to the table.

"Oh my god..." Blair looked mortified then laughed seeing their table was now filled with tequila and whiskey,"

"Oh I should have got Blair chase. I forgot she doesn't drink tequila,"

"she'll be okay," Dan's lips landed on hers. After Dan's tongue left her mouth Blair pulled back to look at Nate.

"I'll take another one of those!" she lifted her hand in the air. His lips were cold but his mouth was warm and the shot may have been bitter and hard but Dan's tongue in her mouth was sweet and smooth. She would take as many shots as she could just to make sure he kept doing it.

The night went by in a blink. The four hours they were there felt like forty five minutes. Soon they were stumbling into the back of Nate's car and heading for home.

"Ugh,...Dan and Blair are having sex in your car," Nina groaned resting her head against the seat so the dizzy spell would pass.

"Knock it off you two," Nate called back to them. "Blair, put a seatbelt on please," Nate looked into his mirror to see her straddling him.

"I got her," Dan tapped on her butt and she giggled.

"No seriously, there's a ton of cops out here,"

"I thought you were the worrier..." Blair poked Dan's nose before he grabbed hold of her hips once again and pulled her closer to him so he could kiss her harder.

"I can't get another ticket or i'll get a suspended license..."

"Just drive like an upstanding citizen and you won't get pulled over...Christ," Nina turned towards the window and closed her eyes.

"Are you capable of getting yourselves in safely?" He asked as Dan had already jumped out and was pulling on Blair's lifeless arms.

"Why aren't you coming in?" Blair asked him.

"Oh I don't know that I want to stay there tonight,..." he watched them grope eachother. Dan slammed the door shut once he had Blair out, then smacked the hood twice giving him the go ahead to leave.

"Nice job Archibald," Nina smiled.

"Didn't I tell you?," he held his hand out for a high-five which she smacked lightly.

"I thought it was going to take some convincing but they both just wanted to go," she laughed. After a beat she looked to Nate, "I hope they're going to be okay," she said thoughtfully.

"They will be," Nate said confidently.

"You're drunk!" Dan said.

"So are you!" she giggled trying to see straight.

They entered their building foyer, Blair didn't remember it being so beautiful, the soft lighting, the marble floors, they waited in front of an elevator, Dan's hand teasing the clasp of Blair's bra through her dress. "Stop being so bad..." she looked over.

"I'm not being so bad," he pulled his hand off her. "We should take the stairs!" Dan's eyes widened and he beamed as if it was the best idea he ever had.

"You want to...to,..run up twenty flights of stairs?" she laughed.

"It'll be faster than waiting for this thing,"

"Tell you what, you take the stairs and i'll take the elevator and we'll see who gets there first,"

"No you'll trick me,..." he stumbled around.

"How is that tricking you?" she burst into laughter. "Just stay here with me," she grabbed hold of his shirt and pulled him close, nuzzling him and kissing his jawline. As she pulled on his plaid a button popped off and she nearly lost her footing. They both erupted in lpud laughter. Dan looked down at his shirt trying to stop laughing and Blair was crying and trying to speak, "That's,...that's your Brooklyn shirt! and it just popped a button..."

"The button!" Dan's jaw dropped.

"You didn't push the button?" Blair asked as he pressed it.

"I thought you did..." he said lazily.

The elevator doors opened. "Ladies first," he gestured.

When the doors closed Dan went straight for her lips, covering them with his own. They were so caught up in the moment they didn't realize the elevator was open and they were practically standing in their apartment. Blair kicked off her shoes, her mouth still pressed against Dan's, her tongue still sliding against his and now her feet sliding around on the marble floor of the foyer. Dan tried to back her up into the bedroom but Blair had other plans and she pulled his arms and brought him over to the floor to ceiling windows that wrapped around their entire living space. She let go of his hands and walked towards the window looking down at the people below as Dan kissed her neck and worked on her zipper. When it hit the floor and pooled around her ankles she felt goosebumps all over her body as Dan's lips kissed every inch of exposed flesh then unhinged her bra and slid her panties down her legs. His hand pulled her chin towards him and soon her body was pressed up against his. Dan crossed his arms over his body and removed his shirt up over his head. Then his hands rested on his belt as Blair rubbed him through his jeans. She loved feeling how much he wanted her and he didn't make her stop, his breathing became heavier and heavier and Blair moved up, wrapping her arms around his neck as he dropped his pants. She pushed him back to sit on the couch facing the window and climbed on top of him. Dan kissed her breasts and Blair moaned out feeling completely overwhelmed with desire. Dan turned her so she was laying down on the couch, he kissed all down her stomach, her hand touching the baseball cap he was still wearing before she tossed it off and on to the floor. Dan parted her legs, she was glistening and made his mouth water. "Mmmmm," his mouth settled on her, vibrating and causing Blair's hips to buckle.

She couldn't wait any longer, she lifted herself up slightly and gently guided him inside her. She felt herself stretch for the first time in years, the slight pain made her take him in very slow, which made Dan groan with pleasure. She was just as tight as ever, he closed his eyes and let her slowly envelop him. "you feel so good," he moaned and gripped her thighs and pulled her closer. Blair gasped at the pure pleasure she could feel building her, they bounced on the couch, kissing and breathing heavily.

"_uhYeahhh_,..." Blair sighed in his ear. Dan kissed her neck and she smiled. Blair's eyes closed as Dan captured her nipple in his mouth, she came hard, she could literally feel the blood pound through her before it hitched into constricting and pulsing pleasure. She screamed, her teeth dug into his shoulder. For a mere five seconds she was completely content and at ease. Suddenly, as Dan continued pushing into her she felt like an undertow had pulled her back to reality. A deep, painful realization that sex with her husband would never lead to a baby hit her hard in the chest. For Dan's sake she smiled and continued kissing him. It wasn't his fault she felt this way. They made little jokes about how that was the first time they did it on the couch and made their way to the bedroom since they both could barely keep their eyes open after.

Thankfully it was dark and rainy the next morning so forgetting to close the drapes wasn't a problem. The sun didn't burn their sensitive, hungover eyes. "I feel like shit," Dan mumbled against his pillow. Blair's mouth was so dry it felt like she had been using her saliva to hang wallpaper. Thankfully neither were nauseous, just tired and slightly dehydrated which gave Dan a mild headache. Dan barely opened his eyes as he went to the kitchen to get them both water and some headache medication. After they both finished their water they fell back to sleep. "Let's have a pajama day," Dan's head collapsed back on to his pillow.

"Sounds great," Blair yawned before snuggling up close and falling back to sleep. It was about eleven thirty when Blair's eyes opened again. She didn't feel bad anymore, she almost felt refreshed.

Dan's arm reached out and rubbed Blair's shoulder lovingly, once it stopped she turned to him, "Are you sleeping?" she asked softly.

"...Do you not want me to?" he chuckled gently.

Blair toyed with her necklace, wrapping the chain around her finger. When Dan turned to face her, she let go. "Umm,..." she rested a hand on his tired face and leaned in and kissed him softly, lingering for several seconds. "I'm just so glad we can still do that," her eyes gleamed with adoration. "I'm glad you still find me attractive," she cleared her throat.

"What?" he laughed lightly. "I didn't fall in love with your uterus Blair," she thought for a moment then nodded gently against his chest so her chin brushed him. "I fell in love with your mind, your passion and drive..." he smiled. "your taste in films, your lips didn't hurt," his kissed her lips gently. "eyes and ears come next," he contemplated as if he was completely serious and had an actual list.

"Ears?" she chuckled.

"You have sexy ears," he nodded causing her to giggle. "your nose, your toes, your belly button," he smiled sweetly and Blair couldn't help but smile back. "Your boobies..."

"Boobies?" she gave him a look.

"Breasts my love," he corrected. "and uterus comes somewhere after your liver and your appendix...infact it's after your kidneys and your gallbladder. It's _dead_ last," he shrugged comically.

"Are you sure?" she asked so seriously he frowned.

"One hundred percent. Did you not enjoy yourself?" he pushed hair out of her face seeing that she still looked down.

"I just wondered,...what was the point, maybe it's useless to even..."

"How is me loving you useless? What do you love about sex Blair?"

"I love that it's the only thing that we can truly share, it's exclusively for us, I love letting you know how much I love you rather than telling you,"

Dan nodded gently. "I love you so much,"

"Show me," Blair breathed. "You didn't mention a part of me that I know for a fact you really love..." she said impishly.

"Why don't I just show it how much I love it?" Dan turned on his side.

"Maybe give it a kiss?" she blinked lifting the blanket.

Dan smiled impishly and sat up a little, "Oh god, i'm spinning," Dan quickly laid on his back.

"Sit up, sit up," Blair grabbed his arm knowing when Dan was spinning he usually vomited shortly after. Dan felt better after Blair brought him a coffee, they spent the remainder of the day locked up in their bedroom with only quick trips to the kitchen for sustenance.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Blair spent the better part of the morning thinking about what her and Dan had talked about moments prior. They had some tough decisions to make in the coming months.

"You just decide to show up at eleven?" Blair starred at Nina who ignored her and booted up her computer.

"Since you're late would you do the whiteboard?"

"I'm surprised Dan isn't coming in to do that..." Nina snickered.

"It's enough. I'm trying to move past this. Now please do what you're told. You know how much I hate to remind you that i'm in charge around here,"

"You know what? do it yourself,"

"What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing, i'm going to take a break,"

"You just walked in..."

"so?"

"You're not taking a break Nina..."

"Oh I'm not?"

"No you're not, you've been here for less than a minute and you don't need a break,"

"I know that i'm late you don't have to tell me that. You know who else has been late multiple times this week? you!," she blinked. "You know all those mornings when you go into your office and complain that your coffee is cold...you know why it's cold? because you're late!" she seethed. "I'm guessing you're late because you've been fucking Dan every morning,...nice outfit by the way, I like it even better today than I liked it yesterday!" she said sarcastically. "Really looks like you picked it right off the floor..."

"I would like it if you just went home now, I don't need you,"

"Fine,"

Blair saw the tears form in Nina's eyes as she gathered her bag and phone. "Nina!" she followed after her quietly, watching her slip into the washroom.

"What's going on?" she watched her best-friend try to clean up the mascara that was running down her cheeks. "Honey, what's wrong?" she walked closer and pulled her into a hug.

"They won't let me,..." she inhaled hardly managing to get a sentence out.

"Who won't let you what?" Blair asked. Nina just shook her head and pressed tissue to the corner of her eyes. "Nina! tell me what's wrong?"

Nina took a deep breath and looked at Blair, her eyes were bloodshot but she looked like she might be able to string together a coherent sentence now. She dabbed her eye once more, "I need you to listen...and don't talk," her sky blue eyes pleaded with Blair.

"...Okay," Blair was starting to get scared.

"Ten years ago, the day Nicky was born,..._Nate and I had sex_," she closed her eyes in regret.

Blair began to smile with surprise. "Don't say anything, i'm not done,"

Blair's mouth shut, instantly obeying her friend.

"And every year on her birthday we made a pact to celebrate with casual, mediocre sex..." she took a breath, Blair was at a loss for words, "We have never done it any other time, only on Nicky's birthday before midnight and when we're both single,... this last time,..."

"I knew it!, I always had a sneaking suspicion about you two," a smile pulled at her lips.

"Did you not hear what I said?,...we don't like each-other. We never have, we just use each-other for sex,"

"Sure you don't,..."

"I'm pregnant," she blurted out.

"Excuse me?" she blinked in complete shock before smiling happily.

"I know this is a big shock so can we just move past all the oh em gees and how did this happen questions? I need someone I trust to come with me to the clinic because i'm definitely not having it,"

"What?" Blair looked confused.

"I had an appointment scheduled today and when I showed up alone they sent me away," she sniffed. "I asked Nate to come with me and he definitely won't do it," she sniffled again. "I'd ask my mother but you know what she'll say. I've spent my whole life making my dad proud,... i'm not about to ask him to accompany me to an abortion clinic!" she cried. "You're the only person I trust with this, i'd do it alone but they won't let me, I need someone to see me home after and I thought about hiring someone but who knows what kind of freak i'd get and honestly i'm scared and I need someone," she wiped her eyes again.

Blair starred at her friend for a moment and shocked Nina with what she said next, "No,"

"No?" she questioned her.

"I won't let you do this,"

"I'm not cut out for this,...I can't...I don't know the first thing about being a mother. I didn't have an example,..."

"Neither did I,...Honey, you'll learn,"

"Don't," Nina held her hand out, tears making her eyes shine like Blair had never seen before, "Don't even compare my mother to your mother, don't...my mother is coke loving alcoholic who's never had the time of day for me! my mother showed up to my ballet recital wearing two different shoes,..._twenty minutes after it ended_. Don't even tell me that is the same thing,..." Nina was crying so hard, Blair didn't know what to say, "your mother never blew off your birthday party because she was invited on some random guy's yacht, she didn't leave you with strangers every-time she needed a fix or send you away to boarding school because you were in the way,"

"You have a chance to break the cycle,"

"I'm breaking the cycle by not having any children,"

"Nina, this child deserves,..."

"Jesus Christ Blair!" Nina looked around. "You of all people..., I never took you for a fucking pro-life bullshitter," she wiped mascara on the back of her hand.

"No no no no, do not label me. I believe in a woman's choice,..."

"Clearly you don't," she riffled through her bag looking for her makeup compact.

"Nina, you're a grown-up, you're well established, you have money, you know Nate would be supportive so..."

"Pro-choice doesn't have a criteria!" Nina yelled chucking her lipstick back into her purse.

"Yes it does!," she said sternly. "You were stupid!" she scolded her, "Now you live with it, luckily, IT is wonderful,"

"I can't talk to you right now,"

"Fine. Go home realize why i'm right and you're wrong," she turned on her heels and went back to her office.

Nina could have screamed. When Blair had left, Nina pulled out her cellphone and began dialing, she pulled it up to her ear, "Hey Dan, It's Nina,"

**XOXOXOXOX**

"I'm not trying to be your enemy man," Dan sat in his office directly across from Nate.

"You're betraying me," Nate said.

"Nate,..." Dan sighed.

"This is probably my last chance Dan! The idea that i'll ever get married is very slim,..the idea that i'll ever be in a relationship where this is possible is so unlikely. She just can't do this to me!"Dan shrugged easily. "Don't just sit there like this is not a big deal!" Nate yelled.

"What do you want me to say to you?" Dan said gruffly. "This is not your decision,"

"That is so fucking easy for you to say. You say that to me?"

"What?"

"You have a kid! you're not in my position!"

"I was in Nina's," it slipped out. His eyes hit the floor for a brief moment. "I didn't want my life to change. I didn't want the responsibility. Do you know how badly I wanted her to go to the clinic?...that was not my choice. But what was I supposed to do? sure she told me that it was up to me but it wasn't. And yeah it feels like it should be a decision that you make together but it isn't!, it just isn't!,"

"How can you stand up for her knowing what you know now? how can you say that you support her choice when you changed your mind?"

"Nina isn't me Nate. Nina has serious baggage when it comes to her mother,"

"Everyone has parent issues Dan!"

"Can you actually say you had it worse than Nina?" he asked softly. "I don't know what to do," Dan closed his eyes. "I'm not trying to hurt you, i'm not taking a side,"

"Yes you are! you're pro-abortion!"

"No one is pro-abortion!" Dan yelled at his friend getting fed up with trying to explain himself. "No one wants to make this decision! Nina doesn't want to, and shouldn't have to make this decision!" he starred at his friend. "What do you think? that if I don't take her, she won't do it? I hate to break it to you, but i'm not the deciding factor here! she's going to do it with or without me. I can't in good conscience deny her this right. She asked me Nate, i'm supposed to ignore her?"

"That's exactly what you're supposed to fucking do. You're my best-friend not Nina's!. So fuck you very much!"

Dan took a breath, "You know what Nate?" he stood up. "You go explain to Nina why i'm not allowed to help her. This is your problem. This is supposed to be your job, not mine."

Nate didn't say anything he stood up and glared at Dan, "good-luck," Dan said sincerely. Nate left without a word.

**XOXOXOXOX**

When Dan walked into his apartment he was so frustrated he leaned against the counter trying to calm himself before he saw Blair. "So you heard about our friends and their ten year-old secret?" Blair said icily as she opened two chinese food containers.

"I'm minding my own business and you should mind yours,"

"What the hell are you talking about? Nate wants her to keep it, they have no reason not to have a baby,"

"Nina has reasons,"

"...'I don't want to',...is not a reason,"

"It absolutely is," Dan said seriously. "No one should be forced into being a parent. So they made a mistake, Nina doesn't have to pay for that mistake,..."

Blair glared at him, "How is it Nate's fault? just because he's the man? that makes it his fault?"

"Let's just stay out of their business because this is something that has nothing to do with us and respectfully I think Nina is the only person who really gets to have any say in the matter,"

"Absolutely not! Nate deserves to speak his opinion and Nina should listen to him!"

"Blair,..." he blinked. "When we were in this situation you wanted my opinion,...we wouldn't have had a baby if it was solely my decision,"

"I'll always be in favour of the side that has the baby, but thanks for telling me how you really feel about our daughter,..."

"That's not what I meant!" he threw his hands up and rested them on his forehead in complete frustration. "I'm trying to explain that you aren't seeing this from all perspectives. My decision wouldn't have changed your mind because it's your decision regardless! Nina doesn't have to listen to Nate!"

"Well she should,"

"When did you become pro-life?" he starred at her. "You're always talking about women's rights and freedoms and this is what you believe in?"

"This isn't even about that! this is about my friend!"

"You can't let her make her own decisions! this is not your business!"

"She's my best-friend, of course it's my business,"

"When Nina didn't want _you_ to have a baby, was that her business?"

"She just needs some guidance," she ignored Dan.

"Answer the question,"

"Dan, she's going ruin her life if she goes through with this,"

"She might ruin her life if she listens to you,"

"Dan the martyr!," Blair rolled her eyes, "Blair is always wrong in Dan's eyes,..." She scoffed.

"I didn't say that!, why do you always act like i'm against you?,"

"Because you are!" she screamed. "You're always right! I'm always wrong! I'm the one who left you, i'm the one who kicked you out, i'm the one who doesn't appreciate you, I don't respect you, I always want to change you!"

"Can you lower your voice for two minutes so we can have a rational conversation?"

"Oh so i'm being irrational?," she starred at him, " because i'm upset, i'm being irrational? Is that it Humphrey?"

"Just,..."his hand raised and it fingers flexed hoping he could catch himself a response. "Why do we have to get involved?. I talked to both Nina and Nate and..."

"Oh so you "didn't" get involved?"

"I only supported Nina's decision whatever that decision may be,"

"I still think that's getting involved,"

"It's not,...but whatever," he inhaled. "Can we just put a pause on this conversation?"

"Yeah," she nodded.

"I'm sorry," Dan said.

"I accept your apology,"

Dan's eyes snapped shut, his jaw clenched with anger. "That's not the response I was hoping for,"

"I'm not apologizing, you started this,"

"Can you just for once level with me?"

"I'm sorry you feel the way you do but i'm not sorry for standing up for myself,"

"In the time we've been together i've apologized for every single fight we've had because if I didn't we wouldn't be together!"

"Oh so you're responsible for our ever lasting marriage?" she scoffed. "You're the reason we never broke up..." she said sarcastically.

"You are completely incapable of apologizing!"

"I apologize. I've apologized to you in the past and when I apologize it means something, Unlike your apologies that never mean anything,"

"I don't even know why I stand here in my own apartment and let you talk to me like this. All i've ever done is try to be your support system, to be your confidant and your friend and all you ever do is kick me down,"

"Oh poor Dan..." she scoffed. "He's always trying so hard and Blair is always kicking him while he's down,"

"Can you just listen to me for two minutes? you never stop talking!"

"One of my many flaws right Dan? I'd love for you to write a list of things you wish you could change about me, i'd just love it!"

"Oh no that's the least of my worries, I can deal with you talking, the top of the list would be that you're A BITCH!"

"Did you imagine that you would end up with a bitch?" she asked cooly not being at all phased by being called the b word.

"Of course not,"

"Then why are you with me?"

"I don't know!, I have spent the better part of the last decade and a half asking myself that question,"

Blair slammed the door shut behind her and Dan sat in silence for about a full minute when Blair came back in the room.

"I don't know what I want, I feel sick when we're apart and i'm sick when we're together," she admitted. "There's only a lesser of two evils and I don't know which I want,"

"I don't want to do this! I don't want to have this fight over and over! All i've ever done was try to be good enough for you," Dan said. "I'm burned out. No matter what I do it'll never be enough and i'm tired. I'm tired of always trying to be the guy you want me to be because it's never good enough,"

"Maybe I love the idea of you more than the actuality of you," Blair slammed the door. Dan took a breath and closed his eyes. After a moment Blair walked in, her tail between her legs, her eyes starring at the ground. Her eyes burned, she couldn't even look up at him.

"I have to go back to work," Dan said before she could speak. Blair's bottom lip trembled.

"O..Okay," she nodded and wiped her eyes.

**XOXOXO**

**A/N: **Do you like Nate and Nina and how I add a little of their story in this? I always had plans to have other characters beyond Nate and Nina as regulars but Dan and Blair are exhausting as is and they eat up all my writing time and material. Maybe you're overloaded with Dan and Blair, I don't know. I can try and break it up with more Nicky if that works. As always let me know if there's something you really require before the end of this fic because I try to bring everything full circle but 'Maybe' and 'Perfect' have been so long running that I may have forgot something I had every intention of adding. My biggest fear is that i'll post the last chapter and i'll get a review that berates me for forgetting to tie up a loose end. Thanks so much you guys!


	30. Let It Go

**A/N: **I don't think I need to set this one up. Enjoy!

**Q&A: **

**Guest:** So I'm not sure if this was answered in previous chapters already, but why is Nicky's middle name Briana?

**FQ:** You'll find out soon but this chapter might give you a good hint ;)

**OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**'LET IT GO'**

IDINA MENZEL

FROM: FROZEN

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

_Winston, our lazy bulldog, loved Nicky unconditionally. We had him for awhile before she came into our lives and I feared he'd be jealous of the attention we gave her but from the start he became her best-friend. That girl could do anything to him and he wouldn't leave her side. Often Dan and I would have to tell her to be gentle with the poor dog who endured having his tail pulled on. She'd sit on him, lay on top of him, rub his fur the wrong way and shriek in his face from time to time, but no matter what she did, he'd always be there to greet her in the morning and cuddle with her at night. We had a few people come over to meet her the day we brought her home from the hospital and Winston took the job of being her guard dog. If anyone he didn't quite know got too close he'd warn them with a low and gentle bark. I put her car-seat on the kitchen table once and watched Winston struggle with all his might to get up on the chair to be close to her. He just knew she was ours and thus, his. _**_-B_**

"You like the baby?" Dan asked, petting him. Winston was panting with his tongue hanging out while he starred into the carrier and sniffed her, he looked back up at Dan still panting then sniffed her again. "Oh yes, she smells nice. I'm glad you like her because we're probably going to keep her," he watched her gurgle and smiled. Winston sniffed her again, tiny hairs on her head floating into his nose, his tongue gave her a tiny lick, "Whoa,..let's just stick to smelling her ok? mummy will not like that,"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**TWO YEARS PRIOR**

"Thank-you," Blair said solemnly. She took a moment before pulling the phone from her ear, she looked as though she was in shock. Taking a deep breath she stood and quickly wiped at her eyes.

_It wasn't the position I wanted but it was a foot in the door. I went for the interview on a Tuesday and by Thursday they called to tell me I didn't get the job. I politely asked what were the reasons for my rejection. Very reluctantly she told me the other applicant had more experience which was a total fabrication. There was no way another person had more experience than I did. No one in my position would ever be willing to go in at this entry level position. I pried her for more information and reluctantly she explained that the other applicant was more effervescent. I don't think i've ever been so insulted in my life. _**_-B_**

"You don't want to work there. That's bullshit!" Dan was getting worked up as he flailed around the kitchen trying to fix them dinner. "you didn't put on a fake smile and for that you get shafted?" he slammed the fridge door. Blair cringed at the noise. "you should tell them what you just went through!" he starred at her. "They can't deny you of a job just because you're..." he trailed off.

"I'm what?" she asked from her seat at the island. Her eyes locked on his waiting for an answer.

"..._sad_," he looked up.

"I'm not sad Dan," she smiled gently. "I'm okay," she nodded. "I'm just disappointed that they couldn't see my assets. I'm not sad," she reiterated seeing his worried face.

"..._I am_," he caught a sob in his throat and turned away from her, his head hanging low in front of him.

"_Oh my god_," Blair gasped as she rushed to him.

Even though Blair promised him she was fine, Dan caught her crying more than a handful of times after she didn't get the Vanity Fair position. One night Blair was laying on the couch, a blanket was laying over her legs as she stared out the window, he knew she had been crying because the rims of her eyes were bright red and tired looking when Dan walked in with a big smile on his face. "Blair?," she heard a rustle of shopping bags and figured that's why his usual run had taken so much longer than usual. In the time Blair was with Dan he had never been the type to go for runs but since Connor he had taken it up, she knew it helped him clear his mind.

"You home?" he called again from the foyer.

"In here," she called out with a sigh.

"Close your eyes" he said.

"No," she said defiantly.

"Close your eyes," he demanded.

"No, why? _Oh my god!_" she noticed the tiny six pound creature in Dan's arms and immediately got up off the chair to hold him. An eight week old english bulldog puppy, he was white with tan patches around his eyes and back, he was wrinkly with extra skin and his belly was perfectly round like a small water balloon. He was so soft and precious, Blair couldn't stop kissing him.

"Where did you...?" she giggled at his squishy face. "Oh you're so handsome!" she kissed his head.

"Doug had been telling me he was planning on getting one for his kids awhile back and,..." he shrugged. "I thought i'd bring him home to show you and...we can keep him if you want," he smirked.

Blair rolled her eyes with a smirk, "so you're telling me you didn't already buy him?,"

"No I did," he smirked. "Bought him a bed and food too," he bit his lip.

"So you're just making big decisions without me now?" her eyebrows raised.

"No, i'm just really good at knowing how you'll react to things,...I mean look at him," he smiled.

"You're lucky I love him," she giggled and brought him to sit down with her.

"So we're keeping him then?"

"Yes," she said softly, starring at the puppy with adoration. "He's beautiful" her tears seemed to fade as she had a puppy to be taking care of. "Oh no,..." Blair pulled his bow-tie off when she noticed it.

"I thought you'd like dressing him up,"

"I will!,..but it's purple and..." she made a face and threw it to the side of the couch. "Can I name him?" she asked.

"Of course,"

Blair looked at him for a moment then looked down at her ring."Ok, i've decided. Harry Winston," she giggled lightly and Dan laughed thinking it was perfect.

"I like it, Harry Winston Waldorf, very distinguished"

"Harry Winston Waldorf-Humphrey" Blair corrected. "I want to have all my babies with you,...even this one" she leaned in for a kiss.

"It sounds even more distinguished," he laughed before kissing her.

"Maybe just Winston,...he looks like a Winston,"

"He does" Dan agreed.

For the remainder of the night Blair cuddled with her new baby and kissed his head repeatedly. When it began to get dark Blair handed the dog to Dan so she could get ready for bed. Dan laughed at his wrinkly face and thought about how spoiled this puppy was going to be. "you going to be happy here buddy?" he asked petting his head gently and set him down on the pillow on the floor. The puppy began to whimper when Dan placed him on the soft fabric. "Okay, i'll hold you until your mom comes back," he continued petting him and trying to get him to stop his puppy cries.

"What's wrong?" Blair asked as she walked out of the bedroom.

"I think he misses his brothers and sisters,..." Blair held her hands out, as soon as the puppy was in her arms he relaxed and stopped whimpering. That night Dan looked over at Blair who was sleeping soundly beside her tiny puppy. It was her first restful sleep in the last month.

_Sometimes when I walked Winston I ran into women pushing their babies in strollers and others peering into blankets. All I could think about was how crazy i'd look putting Winston in a stroller and pushing him in central park. I couldn't stop thinking about how the parts necessary for growing a baby had been scooped out of me like I was a pumpkin. I ran into Serena sometime after we got Winston, that day is the biggest turning point in mine and Dan's life. I came home bawling after speaking with Serena, I'm sure Dan thought I was insane, he couldn't understand what I was saying and that frustrated me more._ -**B**

**XOXOX**

"C'mon Winston," Blair gently tugged on the dog's leash. "Let's go home and see daddy," the dog lifted from the ground and followed behind her.

"Blair?" Serena's voice rang out in surprise. The voice made Blair stop dead in her tracks, she could feel her heart beating hard against her chest.

"Serena,...Hi," she tried not to sound awkward when she noticed Serena had a stroller with her. She hadn't interacted with Serena since the day in Dan's office. Serena did sent her condolences in the form of a card and flowers. Even though Nina and Nate told Blair she had every right to be angry with this woman, Blair knew in the end, it was an accident, a series of bad choices made on both her and Serena's part. The only way she and Dan could move on was if they forgave.

"Oh goodness, who's this?" Serena looked down at the dog.

"This is Winston," Blair smiled proudly.

"Great name!" she laughed.

"Uh, who's this?" Blair gestured to the stroller.

"Isobel," Serena answered adoringly.

"Pretty name," Blair smiled uncomfortably. "umm,...well I should take him home so,..."

"Would it be too much to ask you to have coffee with me?" she looked vulnerable and feared that Blair would say no.

"...I don't think,...I guess if we sit outside," she gestured to the dog sitting by her feet panting lightly.

"Of course," Serena nodded.

First they made small talk. Blair soon realized that she wasn't going to get the closure or apology she desperately wanted from Serena. The only reason she agreed to sit with her is because in the back of her mind she believed that this would be helpful. Maybe it would ease her mind but instead it just made her uncomfortable. Winston laid on the ground by Blair's feet contently. He lapped up a pie tray full of water that the server brought for him. Blair suspected the young man filled it with tap water instead of the Fiji she had requested but she was in no mood to make a scene today.

"Why don't we cut to the chase," Serena said. Blair felt a little bit of relief thinking she was about to get her apology. "Isobel wasn't exactly planned," she went on and simplified the story of how she was dating a guy, got knocked up and now here she is, a single mother. "but i'm making the best of it," Blair nodded slowly, she searched her brain for the Blair that wouldn't sit here and listen to Serena's slightly less than perfect life story. Where was the Blair that would stand up for herself and bravely demand an apology and explanation for her behaviour?

"I'm still in love with him you know? so it's really been tough. But I don't blame him, we'd still be together if it wasn't for her,"

"Oh,..." Blair felt really uncomfortable that Serena was blaming her baby for a failed relationship.

"Anything new with you?" Serena asked cheerfully as if they could just go back to being best-friends.

"Not really," she starred at the blonde while she looked over at the baby who made a small fussing sound.

"My life has changed so much," she tried to give the baby her pacifier but she kept spitting it out.

"I can see that," Blair answered before looking down at Winston. She loved the way he looked up at her, like she was the most important person in his world, a pang of sadness caused her throat to become sore.

"Maybe she's hungry?" Blair offered a suggestion as Serena ignored the cries that were becoming louder.

"Really? I just fed her," Serena said cluelessly. "Oh,...I forgot to burp her, could that be,..." she looked down again, "could that be it?"

"Perhaps," Blair bit her bottom lip hard not saying anything else, knowing that Serena probably never read a single parenting book in her life, she probably played everything by ear. Life was unfair and Blair felt this was an example of that, being shoved in her face. The crying intensified now, "Maybe you should burp her," she suggested, interrupting Serena's story about her mom's new boyfriend.

"she'll be okay," Serena shrugged.

"She's probably really uncomfortable and maybe you should just,..."

"She'll cry herself to sleep eventually," Serena said.

"Oh that's,..." Blair gulped feeling her heart break for this baby that was only crying out necessity and obviously not for attention.

"so anyway,..." Serena continued.

"May I?" Blair gestured to the baby who was now red in the face with discomfort.

"Oh,..." Serena shrugged. "Yeah," she smiled brightly and flipped her blonde hair to the side. Once Blair had the baby in her arms she began to settle down, she attempted burping her, not sure if she could really do it. She had only been successful a couple of times with her nephews. "So I told my mom, this is my child...," Serena annunciated clearly. "And _I WILL_ raise her,... lord knows Lily is not the best mother in the world," she scoffed.

"Do you have a bottle?" Blair asked, interrupting Serena's story.

"Uh,..." she glanced down at the stroller and handed it to Blair.

"Is this,...formula?" she asked with distaste.

"Yeah,"

"Serena, there are so many benefits of breast milk..." she tried not to sound too judgmental.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I just don't want it to ruin my breasts. This stuff is just as good,"

"...It's,...it's not really,...umm...Where were you?,...your mom?"

"Oh right, So she only watches her when I have like,..." she took a sip of her tea, "An event to attend or a date or something,...Oh my god B, you're such a natural!," she beamed seeing that the baby had relaxed and stopped crying. Blair felt ill by the comment, she stood up and handed her back to Serena.

"What was I saying?...OH! I learned the hard way that I can't tell guys i'm a mom until much later because they all run away, men are all assholes it's becoming clearer and clearer as I get older," she giggled.

Blair didn't agree with her sentiment so smiled uncomfortably. "How old is,...Isobel?" Blair asked before she defended her husband and turned this coffee date into a full blown sparring match.

"Six weeks old today," she said happily.

"And you've been able to date?" she asked with curiosity.

"Well only on the weekends and lunch dates through the week occasionally," she said nonchalantly. "How's Dan?" Serena asked casually.

"How is he?" she asked. "Just like that? 'how is he'?" she smiled sarcastically. "I don't think you can ask like that,"

"Blair, i've grown up. I'm not trying to cause trouble. I was hurt and I went through a very tough time when I lost him but i've moved on," the ease of Serena's words infuriated Blair.

"That's not really what I care to hear," Blair said quietly, feeling her stomach clench.

"What do you want Blair? I apologized I thought we were good," her head tilted to the side.

"No you didn't really," Blair shook her head. "We forgave you but it doesn't change the fact you have never actually said the words,"

"I'm sorry for what happened Blair but I didn't push you!" she spoke under her breath, her eyes were large and pleading.

"You have never apologized for anything. Not the emails, not the pictures, not the stalking, nothing,..."

"I'm sorry I didn't rush over and beg for your forgiveness right away. You wanted nothing to do with me,"

"Can you blame us? you don't even know what we went through!"

"I do actually," Serena said quickly.

"What?" Blair said barely audible, her eyebrows knitted together.

"I had a miscarriage. It was the most painful thing I've ever been through. I stopped eating, sleeping, I didn't talk to anyone for days, it was the worst three weeks of my life,"

"When?" she said quietly but concisely. Her eyes settled on the tablecloth waiting for a response.

"What?"

"WHEN?" She asked louder, her eyes looking straight at Serena.

"Like,...when I first started dating her dad," she pointed. "Oh! oh my god, did you think it was with Dan?, no...but we had our fair share of scares. He was so supportive though, he always said he would help me with whatever I decided. He's the only good one," she sighed.

Blair felt sick to her stomach remembering how Dan reacted the first night she brought home a pregnancy test.

"How far along were you?" Blair asked quietly deciding to move the conversation away from Dan.

"Six weeks," she tossed her blonde locks over her shoulder and picked up her tea cup.

Blair nodded and pressed her lips together trying to stop her eyes from watering she blinked.

"Well, I guess you do know," she said sarcastically and furiously wiped at her eye.

"Yeah,..." Serena nodded without catching the sarcasm.

"That must have been unfathomably painful,...nothing at all like what I went through,..." her jaw clenched.

"Blair, I went through it too," she tried to reach for her former friend's hand, not sensing the clear sarcasm in Blair's voice.

"You,.." Blair squeaked wanting to scream at this women for believing that they were even close to the same thing. Blair had experienced a miscarriage too but she couldn't even compare losing that baby and losing Connor. They weren't even close to the same scale. She held him in her arms, he lived, he was there, he was warm and Serena is claiming that she had the same! "You're right," she just let it go and told her she needed to leave. When she finally entered the apartment she dropped her bags, let go of Winston's leash and allowed herself to scream out her frustration.

Dan smacked the lid of his laptop closed."What's wrong?" he walked out after hearing her scream.

"Nothing," she inhaled.

"It's not nothing, you're crying" he stood and walked over to her as she freed Winston from his leash. Dan watched as she sat herself on the floor unable to string together a coherent sentence.

"I hate her so much!" she cried. "I hate her so much!" she screamed. "It's not fair!," she nearly hyperventilated as she gasped for air.

"What's not fair?" he walked over.

"Serena has a baby Dan!" she wiped at her eyes.

"...Oh," he felt his stomach turn.

"I want a baby," she sobbed, while Winston nudged her with his nose. Dan dropped to the floor and pulled her into a hug.

"We can have a baby," he kissed her temple and stroked the back of her neck as she clung to him.

"No we can't," her shoulders bounced, she cried against him.

"We can adopt a baby,..."

"No we can't..." she sniffed then let out a calming breath.

"Why not?" he kissed her again, feeling his heart break for her.

She inhaled and worried this might come out wrong. "I will never love an adopted child as much as I love Connor and,..." she gulped, "that's not fair" she wiped her face on the back of her hand.

"We don't know that,"

"I do," she cried. "He was our flesh and blood,...," what came out Dan's mouth next cleared everything and finally she could breathe again.

"then we find a surrogate," he said simply.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

Dan sat at his desk trying to distract himself with anything but Blair. He felt like they were going around in circles, two steps forward and three steps back seemed to be their predicament these days, he knew this was probably how it was going to go on forever if they continued this. His phone began to ring, he starred at his caller I.D. and felt his heart drop. "NEW YORK PREP-SECURITY DEPARTMENT" in a hurry he lifted the receiver. "Dan Humphrey," he answered quickly.

"Mister Humphrey this is David Sutter of the security department at New York Preparatory school,"

"Okay," he listened intently.

"We have a situation on our hands involving your daughter Nicole,"

"What kind of situation?" he asked trying not to panic.

"As you know we have a no tolerance for bullying policy and,..."

"What did she do?" he asked immediately, feeling his jaw clench.

"We can't discuss that information over the phone would you be willing to join us this afternoon?"

Less than an hour later, Dan and Blair walked up the steps of the school without a word. Dan was furious, Blair looked indifferent. "Do you have your checkbook?" Blair asked easily. Dan shot her a glare. "Well do you?" she asked again.

"I'm not bribing her school Blair," he said in a near growl.

"Depending on how bad this is, they could expel her," Her eyes were wide. "And even though i'm not entirely happy with this school, I don't want an expulsion to end up on her permanent record," she said sternly. "I will do anything to prevent that from happening,"

"I always figured i'd get a call like this one day,..."

"What is that supposed to mean?" she seethed.

"Oh I don't know,...kicking my lunch and textbooks down the hall,"

"We better not be here for something as simple as kicking books down the hall,"

When Dan and Blair arrived they felt like they were late, another couple sat in front of the headmistress. Dan gulped wondering how bad this could be, the mother looked distraught and Dan felt sick to his stomach wondering what Nicky could have possibly done to these people's daughter. "Where is my daughter?" Blair asked immediately.

"she's in a classroom with the school counsellor right now, we'll let you speak with her after. Now, protocol states that we discuss the consequences with the parents so please take a seat,"

Both Dan and Blair sat in the vacant arm chairs facing the Headmistress' desk. Blair looked over at the couple that had arrived before them, she recognized them from parent/teacher meetings but never really introduced herself to them.

"I don't think we should be too rash, they're young girls..." the mother said quickly. Dan nodded a little thinking this woman had the right idea and was thankful that these people weren't going to ask for Nicky to be punished on the school's behalf. He already knew how he was going to handle this situation at home, punishment from the school would not be necessary.

"What happened exactly?" Blair wanted them to cut to the chase.

"Today we organized a little indoor ball hockey game for the fifth grade girls, we organize these types of healthy competitions often and we've never had an issue until today. Everything seemed to be fine, Nicky's team won and out of what we believe was out of retaliation,...Rachel,..." the headmistress sighed, "took a pair of scissors and cut Nicky's hair during lunch. Now what we assumed was a one time situation,...the counsellor has learned that Rachel has been harassing Nicky for quite sometime,"

Blair looked appalled, Dan looked confused. "Wait. Nicky,..." Dan never even considered Nicky to be the one who was being bullied.

"They're just girls, they get into these silly squabbles," the father said.

"Excuse me," Blair blinked at the man, "I highly doubt that would be your stance if you were in my position right now," she scowled at him.

"We're learning more and more. Nicky is obviously distraught over this and with some coercing she has been letting go of some of the incidents from the past. Rachel had stolen a piece of homework from Nicky, she couldn't turn it in and received a failing grade, that is very strange for her. Mrs. Evans asked what happened and she explained that she just didn't do it," Dan felt sick, he punished her for that. She cleaned all the windows in his apartment for that zero grade. "Nicky told us that she was threatened to not tell anyone,"

"Can we just move on," The mother said quickly not wanting to know what else had happened.

"I would like to hear the rest actually," Blair shot her a glare. "I would really like to know what else your daughter did to my daughter," she glared.

"Let's just talk about what should be done with Rachel,..."

"I want her expelled," Dan said simply out of nowhere.

"Dan,..." Blair's face showed nothing but shock. "Dan,.." she said quieter grabbing for his arm.

"Are you sure?" the headmistress looked to Dan.

"This is ridiculous!" the other man stood up in a near panic.

"The school has a no tolerance policy and I think that's the only way to handle this situation," Dan said.

"Can we please just have a moment," Blair asked if she and Dan could have a quick talk in the hallway.

"She can't run from her problems!"

"She's not running from them, clearly she's dealing with it everyday and hasn't said a word to a teacher until today so she's not running from it, i'm stopping it, i'm stopping it now!"

"I don't think the girl deserves to be expelled," Blair rationalized.

"Oh my god,..." Dan looked at Blair like he just had an epiphany. "You sympathize with the other girl,"

"I don't,...I don't, I just think you're letting your temper speak for you and,...we haven't even talked to Nicky yet, let's not be rash,"

"I think you would rather Nicky be the one doing the bullying,"

"...I think it might be easier for me," she said honestly in a low voice.

"I can't believe you,..." Dan looked disgusted.

"Is it a crime that I don't want my daughter to be a target?," she said sadly. "I don't want her to hurt!," she closed her eyes. "I don't want her to get picked on, I don't want her to worry every day so yes, in that aspect I would rather her not be the one that's being picked on," Dan was quiet. "But I don't want her to be a bully either Dan, I don't want her to have issues that make her lash out on someone for no reason, Rachel has issues and our daughter doesn't,...how is having her expelled going to solve anything?"

Dan thought for a moment, "Suspension?" he suggested.

"Yes," Blair nodded.

"And if it happens again, expulsion,"

"...Okay," Blair agreed.

They spoke with the Headmistress, Rachel's parents agreed to a three day suspension and she would have to continue to speak with the counsellor. They shook hands with Dan and Blair and apologized.

"I'll pay for her haircut if it's that bad. I'm so sorry, I don't know know what she was thinking,"

"We'll figure something out," Blair said feeling like she was being too polite to this woman.

"Rachel will be writing Nicky a nice long apology letter," she promised.

"Thank-you," Blair forced a smile.

They were brought to the room where Nicky was, she was sitting by the window reading a book, waiting for her parents to take her home. Blair covered her mouth with a soft inhale seeing that she definitely had been crying, her face was streaky and her eyes were red and bloodshot but she was calm now. Blair rested her hand on Dan's back and gestured for him to do what he does best.

He walked over slowly and crouched down in front of her his heart practically breaking at the sight of her face, "_Hey what are you reading?_" he asked softly with a gentle smile. She looked up and tried to smile, her hair was lopsided and fell just below her shoulders, the cascading locks that fell all the way down her back to her waist were gone. She reached out for him and Dan picked her up and rubbed her back without another word. Blair stood and waited for her turn. Nicky wiped her eyes, "I don't know why she hates me so much," she sniffed and wiped her eyes as Dan put her down.

"Because she's jealous," Blair walked closer and touched her hair.

"Of what?" she asked softly.

"It could be a lot of things, mostly your gorgeous hair though..." she smiled lightly and Nicky couldn't help but smile and shake her head. "It'll grow back baby,"

"You have to talk to adults when things like this happen," Dan said.

"I know I just never thought it was that big of a deal, usually I just ignore her and I tried to ignore this but,..." she wiped her eye. "I said thank-you and that it really did need a trim," she smirked like she was proud of herself.

Blair laughed, "Atta girl,"

"and then I went to the bathroom to look at it and Macy ran off and told Mrs. Andrews and then I just couldn't stop crying and I don't know why. She told me I had to tell her everything and so I did,"

"Well it's a good thing you did, now we can make sure nothing happens again,"

"My hair is bundled up in a ponytail in my bag, maybe I can donate it? I have no use for it anymore,"

"Mhmm," Blair nodded with a smile. "We'll take it to Erica and she can donate it for us and then while we're there she can even this out,"

"You ready to go home?"

"yeah let me get my bag,"

"She's stronger than we thought," Blair said. Dan looked pensive and Blair worried. "Can we talk tonight?"

"You okay pumpkin?" Dan ignored Blair and turned to Nicky as she fumbled around with her coat and backpack. He couldn't shake the sympathy he had for her, her hair was hacked, lopsided and her face was still streaked.

"Yeah," she sighed. "I'm just hungry,"

"You want to go for dinner?" Nicky nodded, "Where do you want to go?" he asked. Blair starred only at Dan feeling as though he was being distant with her on purpose.

"Can we maybe go to Five Leaves?" She asked her dad.

"Yeah," he smiled lightly.

"Um Okay, let's see if Erica has an opening and then you can go to dinner with your dad," Blair said.

"Mummy, just because it's in Brooklyn you don't want to come?" she smirked.

"I don't think,..." she trailed off looking at Dan.

"You can come if you want," he said quietly. It felt like a blanket invite and Blair didn't know how she should respond.

"I think maybe i'll just stay home, you two go,"

"Mummy I want you to come," Nicky grabbed her hand.

"Okay,"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"She's sleeping," Blair told Dan. "You know, the length actually suits her," Blair said with a smile. Erica had fixed her hair right after school and Blair couldn't stop touching it. "It looks curlier," she crossed her arms lightly over her chest. Dan didn't say anything, he stood up from his chair. "Do you want to stay tonight?" she asked him hopefully.

"Umm, no I don't think that's a good idea," a silence fell between them Dan headed to the elevator and put his coat on. Blair chewed on her bottom lip feeling so distant from him, as he pressed the elevator button she felt her heart drop. Somehow she found her voice just before he walked away.

"..._You were my Superman_," her eyebrows creased and a single tear ran easily down her cheek. Blair laughed lightly how silly that sounded out loud as she wiped the tear away.

"I'm sorry I never made you feel that way. I..." she gulped. "I never wanted you on a pedestal because the higher I placed you, the harder it would be to keep you," her bottom lip trembled as she walked towards him.

Dan didn't say anything. "Dan, I'm so sorry for leaving you at your meeting. I lay awake all the time wishing I had forced myself to stay, I hate myself for not supporting you because I think i'm the one that ruined you in the first place. I never made you believe that you were good enough and you pushed too hard trying to please me..." she took in quick inhales. "I just didn't want to be weak but I don't care anymore,..."

"I don't want you to apologize for that," he shook his head. "It's not your fault, all of that is my fault," he looked pained, Blair rushed to him.

"Blair, I don't need you to..." he pulled from her, trying to show that he was not in need of a hug, he was a grown man not a little boy. She stood starring at him wishing he would just let her embrace him. She literally felt like she was losing the most important battle in her life. She felt heavy like something was standing on her chest, everything was out of control and she couldn't do anything to stop him from walking away from her and never coming back. She grabbed for his hand and he pulled it away easily, he still didn't want the pity. Her heart felt like it was ripping in half, she felt like after all this time of trying to piece things back together this was it.

"You're my better half," she admitted quietly, "...and if you were damaged so was I," Dan starred at her wondering where she was going with this. "If I stuck around, that made me weak and it made me everything I stand against. Do you know how many nights I didn't sleep because I was so worried about you? and not just when you weren't home, but when you were sleeping _right_ beside me," she stressed. "I spent some nights making sure you were still breathing, just watching your stomach go up and down just like when we _first brought home Nicky_," her voice hitched into a sob. "I've done so much for you,..."

"Are you looking for a thank-you?" Dan asked.

Blair was at a loss for words, she could feel her hands forming fists, she could feel her jaw clench so tightly it was painful. "I lied for you so much to save face, I lied to our daughter so she wouldn't think any less of you!" she yelled. "NO!" she would have screamed louder if Nicky wasn't sleeping. "No, I don't want a thank-you! I want you to understand me!"

"I know what you went through okay? I know and i've apologized over and over and I hate what I did and I hate what I made you have to decide. I just don't know that you'll ever be able to let it go, because the way I see it, the only thing we can do is to pretend it never happened and I know you don't agree with that because it's not fair to you that I get to live without regret but trust me, i'm always going to live with it, I just don't want you to live with it anymore,"

"What do I do? what can I do?" she shrugged with tears in her eyes. "I am sorry but you don't believe me. I love you and you have always been good enough for me! I might joke and poke fun but you should always know that I need you." she pleaded. "I internalized everything and discovered that I didn't want to be that woman who stands by her man despite everything just because I love you,"

"But,...noone has a right to judge me for standing beside the man I love, that doesn't make me weak and it doesn't make me a doormat, it makes me human. You didn't continuously cheat on me, and certainly didn't sell me for a hotel and I need to stop treating you like you did. Dan, i'm sorry, I'm sorry for walking away from you, i'm sorry for Patrick, for threatening to keep Nicky from you, for kicking you out, for making you sleep on the couch, i'm sorry for everything,... _I'm so sorry_,..."

The elevator chimed and Nina walked in, "Bad time?" she asked them.

"Uh no," Dan said, "I was just heading out,"

Blair starred at him feeling her eyes prick with tears, she couldn't believe he was just going to walk away from her apology, she poured her heart and soul out in that apology, she was vulnerable and let it all go and he still walked away.

"Are you okay?" Nina could see that Blair looked like she had been bawling.

"_No_,..." she squeaked as more tears rushed down her cheeks, she had never felt so sorry for herself.

"C'mon, come sit down," she brought her into the living-room. "What happened?" she asked her friend, while handing her a fist full of tissues.

"No,...no," Blair took a deep, calming breath and shook her head. "Don't worry about me, you have so much going on..." she dabbed her eyes."Nina,..." she covered her eyes. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I shouldn't try and control your life," she sniffed. "I'll take you, I'll go with you to the clinic because you're my best-friend and I support you no matter what,"

"Well that's interesting because I've come to a decision and,...I'm not going to go to the clinic. I want you to know that this has nothing to do with what you said to me. This is my decision that I thought long and hard about. Nate has expressed his interest in full custody and i'm going to give that to him," she said calmly. "I think it works out fairly and i'm not saying I won't be in the kid's life,...i'm okay with them knowing i'm their biological mother but i'm not sure exactly how much i'll be involved yet, but I will be,"

"And what about your body?" Blair asked with a laugh, as she continued to dry her eyes with a tissue.

"Nate promised he'd buy me new boobs, a tummy tuck and vaginal reconstructive surgery!"

"What a gentleman!" she smiled and a salty tear rolled over her lips.

"He has his moments," they laughed together. "So what's my first line of business", miss pregnancy expert,"

"I'd say nutrition but let's just have some ice-cream," she wiped her eyes again.

"Would you be mad if I had a cigarette right now?"

Blair shot Nina a death glare.

"I'm kidding! I'm kidding!" she yelled. "countdown until I can have those again begins now..."

"Chocolate or Vanilla?" she opened the freezer.

"Chocolate!" Nina said.

"Be honest, you want this baby don't you?" they laid on the couches in the living-room.

"I'm going to be perfectly clear with you,...I feel like growing a baby is something that should be on my bucket list,"

"What?" Blair laughed.

"I want to be able to say I did it. I want to say I gave birth. No other woman should be able to hold that over my head. I want to say, fuck you, I know what it's like too,"

"You're insane,..."

"I've done everything else," she rolled her eyes playfully.

"You're a powerhouse," Blair nodded. "You don't want to be a mom though?"

"Never," she shrugged. "I know you think that's going to change but I have no desire whatsoever. I know that if I didn't keep this baby Nate would hire a surrogate and to be honest I would probably donate an egg to him if he asked anyway so..."

"Is that what you're going to tell people?" Blair laughed.

"Yeah," she smiled. "I think my dad will actually think it's very generous of me," she smirked. They ate in silence just being together, "Do you want to talk about Dan or just,..." she asked carefully.

"No i'm fine,"

"Honey, you've gone through an entire box of tissues just sitting here eating ice-cream with me, either you're crying or you've sprung a leak,"

",...we fought a lot," she looked down at her empty bowl.

"I kind of figured," she pointed her spoon at Blair's face.

Blair touched her cheek, "yeah,"

"So,..?"

"I love him," Blair said almost regretfully. "I just want to pretend it never happened,"

"Are you willing to do that?"

The elevator chimed and Nina turned, Blair stood up quickly and dried her eyes. "I'm sorry Nina, can I talk to Blair for a moment?" he peeked into the living-room.

"I was actually just going to leave, so..." she grabbed her bag. "Call me later?" she whispered to Blair who nodded.

Once the elevator doors closed on Nina, Dan frowned at Blair's broken face, "Are you okay pumpkin?" he said walking closer. Blair's heart warmed at his words knowing he had just previously said them to Nicky, he used to say things that like all the time which only let her know they were both his girls and he hated seeing either of them cry.

"I'm okay," she whispered.

"I uh,...my car is like caught in a snow bank so,...can I take you up on that offer to stay tonight?" he asked meekly, pulling away so he could see her eyes.

Blair nodded gently, "Yeah, I mean if you're stuck,..." Blair turned and looked out the window, the sky was clear, there wasn't a speck of snow on the ground, she turned around and smiled at him. "I wouldn't want you driving in this blizzard anyway," she played along.

"Have you been sitting in the foyer the whole time Nina was here?" she looked up at him adoringly.

"No, I went back to my place to get these," he put his hand in his pocket and held out his palm to show her what he was holding. Blair's eyes lit up at the sight of her precious and gorgeous, engagement ring and wedding band, she knew he accepted her apology. Dan smiled at her, his eyes soft and hopeful. Blair smiled back but shook her head a little.

"Oh Dan,...I,...I don't think that's a good idea,..." she watched Dan's face fall.

"Uh I thought,..."

"Hey,..." she said sweetly, her eyes looking into his. "I love you but I'm not ready to take these back," she laid her hand over Dan's hand then folded his fingers in so he would hold on to the diamonds and platinum. Dan's eyes flickered, a pang of torturing pain hit him in the stomach. "I love you," she said softly assuring him and meeting his gaze. "I only want to be with you," her hands continued to caress his. "But,...can you just be my boyfriend for a little longer?"

Dan didn't quite understand and Blair could tell by his expression. "My husband is a man who hurt me once,...," Dan nodded gently. "But my boyfriend,..." she pressed her forehead against his with a soft smile, "well I really want to spend some time with him,"

"Why bother with the husband at all?" Dan asked.

"Well he's more handsome than my boyfriend," she played coy.

"Oh?" Dan smiled adoringly at her sweet face.

"Yeah he's more dashing. He's the only man for me, I love him with everything inside of me,...and to be completely blunt and selfish I don't want anyone else to have him..." she let out a giggle. Dan didn't join in laughter, he bit his lip, thoughts racing through his mind.

"...Blair, how are we ever going to get through all this if part of you feels like it's wrong?"

"We're going to get through it because we have to. There's nothing I wont do to fight for what we had and see this through,"

"I just don't want you making rash decisions because you're leading with your heart and not your head,"

She leaned in and kissed him softly. "If I never listened to my heart I wouldn't have you and I wouldn't have Nicky."

"So I should just keep these?"

"Can I just look at them a little longer?" she asked. Dan held his hand out and Blair starred at them with a big smile, she touched them and watched them twinkle in the light. "This is Harry, and this is Winston," she showed him that she named her rings.

"That's funny because i'm certain this one is actually named Tiffany," he laughed.

"What?,...Daniel!..." she looked appalled. "I have an incomplete set? why would you do that?"

"They go nice together don't they?"

"They're a hodgepodge..."

"Well maybe i'll just take them back then,"

"No!" she wouldn't let him put them in his pocket.

"Can you just take them then?," he raised his eyebrows.

"No, you have to ask me when the time is right," she let go and turned away from him.

Dan laughed at how silly she was being, "My my my it's turning into quite the blizzard," she gestured to the window, "I only have one bed so we'll have to share," she began down the hall.

"Fair warning, I like to cuddle," he followed after her.

"Well I like being cuddled so we shouldn't have a problem," she sighed in content as he wrapped around her midsection and pulled her back against his chest.

"Let's just,..." she grabbed hold of his hands. "Let's move on. No more living in the past," she turned to face him. Dan didn't say anything, he held her face in his hands before leaning in and kissing her deeply.

Blair smiled as he pulled away, "I used to say love stories are never written about compatibility and mutual respect,...well here we are, a big, fat mess," she sighed.

"Yeah we're fucked," Dan breathed. Blair couldn't help but laugh, her hand reached around and stroked the nape of his neck. "Shakespeare could write a hundred act play about us,"

"We'll go down in history. I hope for our sake that the second installment of the Dan and Blair show is boring, and no one will ever want to write about us,"

"What about a fluff piece?" he looked hopeful.

"Fluff pieces still need some conflict..."

"A really bad fluff piece, a long, exhausting read with no purpose," Blair smiled up at him.

"You always told me that my life is not like a movie and now I know why I wouldn't want my life like a movie," she snuggled up closer.

"Not even a rom com with a predictable ending?" he asked.

Blair starred at the ceiling, "Maybe I could live with a happily ever after,"

**XOXOXOX**

**A/N:** WHOA. I actually updated without taking a month. I know it really seems like i'm at the end but i'm not..., I wish I was but there's so much i've left open ended and I have it all planned out. Lots of flashbacks, lots of questions answered, I promise.


	31. Somewhere Only We Know

**A/N:** I know i've been gone for awhile. Just busy and unmotivated. No real excuse. I'm just not pleased with this chapter. Forgive me. I don't know a great deal about this topic because I personally have not gone through it. I have done some research and it will have to be enough. I know I exaggerated some things and made things up as I went. But as they say, artistic license! try to enjoy. I'll attempt to come back in full force for the chapter after this one- **FQ**

**SOMEWHERE ONLY WE KNOW**

**BY: KEANE**

**FROM: HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU**

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

They wasted no time at all. The last three weeks had been jam packed with meetings, appointments and consultations. From the moment Dan suggested the idea, Blair had googled several reputable surrogacy agencies and read over a hundred reviews before she got into bed that night. The next morning she called around to the necessary contacts and had quickly set up the first initial consultation.

"I don't want to low ball you only to end up with a surprise bill in the end," the doctor sitting in front of them began. ",...typically an entire journey with us will cost somewhere around a hundred thousand dollars," he spoke like he was reciting a script he had delivered many times before. "That doesn't include the cost of a surrogate,..." Blair interrupted his monotone droning,

"We can skip the financial implications, I assure you money is no issue," Blair said positively with an eager smile.

"Then we can look at medical information and why you've chosen this path,"

Blair looked to Dan, "_I_,..." she said meekly. "I had an emergency hysterectomy," she finally gained some confidence to explain.

"Do you have any knowledge of problems with fertility?," without looking up, the doctor scribbled on the paper in front of him.

",...I umm," she closed her eyes briefly. "No. I was pregnant before," she disclosed.

The doctor pointed his pen at Dan, "With him?" he asked in a mumble, looking over his glasses.

"Yes." Blair snipped. Suddenly she was annoyed.

"You have children?"

"Uh No, that's why we're..." Dan's eyebrows crinkled wondering why they would ever put this guy on the duty of initial consultation, he wasn't exactly warm, he certainly didn't make them feel like this was the best agency for them.

"You said you've been pregnant before,...yet you have no fertility issues so maybe you could run through and explain to me why you don't have any children," he adjusted his glasses and sighed as if they were wasting his precious time.

Blair glanced at Dan who was tell-tale angry, he looked like he was trying to make himself comfortable in the chair but Blair knew he was trying to keep himself calm, she reached over and grabbed his hand.

"I had a miscarriage and...," Blair began explaining.

"Okay well when I asked if you had any known fertility issues that would have been the right time to mention it," he sighed and scribbled more on to his paper. "You'll have to go through a screening to evaluate any genetic chromosomal abnormalities," he looked over his glasses at Dan and Blair. "That means you might not be compatible," he said as if they were both stupid, before looking back down at his papers. "In layman's terms; Your DNA might just not match up correctly," he felt it necessary to explain further.

"Our DNA matches up just _fine_," Dan leaned forward in his chair. "If you would give my wife five seconds to answer your question you would know that we lost a perfectly healthy baby at twenty weeks because of a incident that required a hysterectomy. So thank-you for kindly suggesting that we are abnormal and incompatible but I promise you that's the least of our problems," his jaw clenched.

Right before Dan got out of his chair, a woman in a light blue skirt suit, with a huge smile on her face ran into the room, "Hello!, Thanks Paul, i'll take it from here," she spoke in a sweet and soothing voice that contrasted the man, with zero bedside manners, who was sitting before them. Without saying anything, Paul got up from his chair and left the room. The woman approached them and held her hand out to Blair, "Beverly Pierce," she shook her hand before moving to Dan. "So Dan and Blair," she sat in the chair in front of them and laced her fingers together.

"First, I would like to apologize. I was stuck in a meeting. I rarely need someone to cover for me and i'm terribly sorry I had to lump you with Paul, he's great at his job but definitely not at mine," she tucked one ankle behind the other and lifted the glasses on a silver chain around her neck. She hummed lightly as she looked through her glasses, then smiled and looked up at them.

"It looks like you're the perfect candidate for basic in-vitro ,"

"Really?" Blair asked looking optimistic.

"Yes,..." she looked confused. "Did Paul make you think otherwise? I'm sorry, he always sides as a skeptic. We won't have to do insertion, your stuff clearly likes each-other,..." she shrugged causing a laugh to bubble out of Blair. "So we'll have you look through our surrogate list unless you have someone in mind,"

"We'll look through the list," Blair nodded.

"Do you have any preference? would you like her to have experience with surrogacy?,"

"I would like her to already be a mom," Blair said timidly.

"I understand," Beverly smiled in a way that almost seemed like a wink.

**XOXOXO**

Brianna wasn't what they were expecting from reading her profile. As they entered the building and walked up to the door Dan bit his tongue and tried to prevent himself from laughing when an unmistakable patchouli smell flooded his nose. He lifted his hand and rubbed his lips to conceal the smile,

"What?" An uneasy Blair glared at him.

"Mm, nothing," he smirked. Blair rang the door-bell and both she and Dan were surprised when a tanned, sandy-haired little boy answered the door in nothing but plaid shorts.

"Oh hello," Blair smiled awkwardly. A flood of incense fragrance rushed into the hall and Dan was betting this wouldn't be their only stop this week.

"Come on in!," the five year-old said in his tiny voice as he headed through the apartment. Blair looked back at Dan and shrugged before they entered a large dining area following the boy.

"Hello," Brianna approached them. Blair first noticed her lovely, gentle voice, soon followed by her whitish blond hair that was long and messy, somewhat pulled back by tiny, intricate braids. Some of the braids had colours of purple and blue mixed in. Blair's eyes widened in shock as Brianna pulled her into a friendly hug.

"Wow, you're so much younger than I expected Blair," Brianna said bluntly as she inspected Blair as she pulled away from their hug. While Brianna gave Blair the once-over, Blair was able to give an evaluation of Brianna. She couldn't help but cringe at her peasant skirt and the fact she was barefoot when she turned to meet Dan.

"Dan, nice to meet you," she beamed. "Excuse the clutter," she pulled him in for a friendly hug. "Make yourselves at home," she said sweetly. "Then we can discuss when i'll be having your baby," she laughed.

"O-k,..." Blair said awkwardly feeling like things were happening so quickly she couldn't take it all in. Dan was shaking Brianna's husband's hand the moment she introduced the two. Blair looked up at Chris who placed a stray hair, falling from his man-bun behind his ear. He had a full beard and was probably a few years older than Bri. Immediately she wanted to run, tell Dan she changed her mind and the profile wasn't as great as she had led on. She forced a smile and shook his hand, he was awkward and shoved his hands into his pockets. She might have a panic attack right here, she put on a big toothy smile and looked to Dan hoping he would pick up on her subtle red flag.

"Kyle come over here and meet Dan and Blair," she called to her son.

"What do you think about mommy growing their baby?" she asked Kyle with her hands on her hips.

"Does she have the eggs mummy?"

"She does," Bri smiled, Blair found herself sporting a soft grin knowing that Bri must have done this a few times now and Kyle was used to it. "She just doesn't have the place to grow the baby so what if mummy grew it for her?"

"I think that would be very nice of you," Kyle smiled, clearly adoring his mom. Chris kind of starred at his wife and gave Dan an uneasy vibe. It was very possible that Chris wasn't exactly accepting of his wife's method of income.

"Well there you have it,...Kyle gives his approval" she giggled. "Whenever you're ready, put your baby in me"

"Umm,..." Blair nodded stiffly. "I umm, I don't.." Blair fumbled with all her paper-work.

"Our doctor wants to try two embryos to start," Dan said which received a glare from Blair.

"Sounds good"

"You'd be okay with that?" Blair questioned.

"Of course, of course!" she squeezed Blair's hand with soft pressure. "My first time I had twins," she laughed.

"Oh really?" Blair looked slightly intrigued, Dan looked scared. Blair followed Bri through the apartment, still discussing the twins she gave birth two many years prior. Dan stayed standing with the guys. He didn't really know what to say to Chris who looked just as awkward as he felt right now. Somehow Dan couldn't really find any words to say to this guy.

"So uh, what do you do?" Chris asked trying to break the silence placing his hand in his back-pocket. Dan's eyes were fixed on Kyle who was meticulously setting up a wooden train set at the other side of the room.

"I uh,...I'm a publishing agent," he nodded a little too much and rocked on his heels. something about this was so weird, he was standing with a guy who's wife would potentially be carrying his baby in the near future.

"so you like,...make books?" he had both hands in his back pockets and shrugged. Dan wished he could make this guy feel less uncomfortable.

"I,...," he didn't really want to go through the process, "pretty much," he nodded a soft laugh. Before Dan was about to ask Chris what he did, he noticed all the guitars leaning against the wall. He sucked in a whistle when he saw a Stratocaster that would make his father cry. "You play?" he asked walking towards them.

"Yeah," he said modestly, bringing a hand out of his pocket to show Dan.

"In a band?" he took the guitar from him.

"No, I uh,...wish," he said solemnly. "I teach and do some recording work and songwriting on the side,"

Dan nodded, impressed. "My dad would die if he saw this," he touched the strings.

"He plays?"

"He's a musician, ever hear of Lincoln Hawk?"

"Yeah yeah," he nodded coolly, pushing more hair behind his ear.

"Where did you get this?"

"Funny story actually,..."

Blair burst out of the kitchen with all her papers in hand, "I'll call you when I make my final decision. We'll be in touch," Blair walked out of the kitchen to see Dan and Chris in deep conversation.

"That's amazing,"

"I still can't believe it," he laughed.

"And you didn't even get him to sign it?" Dan said with disbelief.

"Like I said, I didn't have a chance, he just handed it to me and when I looked up he was already gone,"

"Jesus,..." Dan strummed a little catching Blair off-guard, she stood frozen in the archway.

"Dan?" Blair interrupted them, "Ready to go?" her eyes widened.

"Uhyeah," he handed the guitar back to Chris.

"We will,...be in touch," Dan said awkwardly before he followed after Blair.

"So?" Dan asked the moment they stepped out into the hallway. Blair didn't say anything she continued until they entered the elevator.

"So?" she repeated.

"I like them," Dan said. "I think we should go ahead and make that appointment on Satur,..."

"are you kidding! it smells like marijuana in there,..."

"It smells like patchouli," Dan laughed.

"Same difference,"

"No,"

"You're telling me he doesn't love his Mary-Jane?"

"I'm sure he does," Dan laughed, "But clearly he doesn't smoke in the house anyway so it doesn't matter," Dan chuckled.

"How could you possibly know that?"

"No ashtrays,"

"Well I saw an empty can of diet coke in the kitchen," she huffed.

"Oh the horror!" Dan teased her. Blair glared at him, "Ok, ok, we'll go back to the list,"

When they got home Blair went straight for her list of surrogates. Her criteria didn't leave her with many options. She wanted a woman who was already a mother, no older than thirty-five, lived less than ten minutes away, never smoked a day in her life, no history of post-partum complications, in excellent physical and mental health, no criminal history, financially secure, has a good support system, no history of depression, on no medications, must have a positive outlook on life, and be willing to follow many requests and suggestions throughout pregnancy.

"So you're against them because they live on the west side?" Dan continued asking Blair questions, even as they settled in for the night. He grabbed his book off the nightstand and flipped to the bookmarked page. "Do you think they're too far away?" he chuckled.

"No,"

"Blair, c'mon. They met all your criteria," he sighed. "She's thirty four, she is married with a support system, she's a mother, she has never smoked a day in her life, she takes vitamins, she's clean, she brushes her hair and I assume her teeth aswell,..." he smirked.

"Dan, can I ask you something?"

"Anything,"

"Serena told me you had pregnancy scares," she turned to face him.

",..." his eyes shifted wondering where she was going with this. "Like twice maybe," he shrugged. "Not like we never had the same," he began reading his book.

"She told me you were supportive and told her you'd be there no matter what she decided,"

Dan dropped the book to his side, "So, Are you mad at me for being a supportive boyfriend back then? because I will not apologize for that. You and I were not together then and I can't apologize for treating Serena with respect then,...I can't, that's how the past works okay?" he looked at her like she was being irrational.

"I have a vivid memory of you blaming me and expressing how much you didn't want to have a baby," she said. "What's the difference between me and Serena? why would you be okay with her having your baby but not me?"

"Blair seriously,..."

"I just have to know why you were supportive with Serena and decided you never wanted kids with me,"

Dan looked at Blair's perfect, makeup free complexion and didn't hesitate, "Because my life was already perfect with you,"

"I wanted to support Serena for fear of losing her, I was not the person I am today. Maybe a baby would have made me feel more secure with Serena. Perhaps it would solidify something and maybe it could fix things. I was young then, I was naive. I didn't want to have a baby with you because I didn't want it to ruin us, I didn't want us to have something else that got in the way of our time together. We're busy people, I love my life with you and I didn't want to jeopardize that,"

"Okay, so why have you changed your mind now?"

"Are you kidding?"

"No, I hope you're not just agreeing with me for my sake. I hope you want this just as bad as I do," she moved closer.

"Even though he was with us for such a small amount of time, having Connor was incredible. I will do anything to have that again. I will do anything to have a baby with you,"

"So we're really going to do this?"

"Yeah, we're doing this," he nodded. Blair leaned in and kissed him softly.

"So my life was perfect with you?" she played coy, her eyelashes batted as she drew a figure eight over his chest.

"Mhmm," he leaned in and kissed her again.

"How perfect?" she closed her eyes and felt his lips kiss all along the most delicate skin on her body, she could feel herself shiver as he gently ran his teeth along her flesh, then kissed her ear.

Blair's phone began to ring. Dan sighed and when Blair sat up.

"Blair Waldorf," she answered.

"Hi Blair, it's just Brianna calling,"

"Hi," she sat up against her pillow. "It's a little late," she looked over at the alarm clock on Dan's nightstand.

"I'm sorry. I'm,...I didn't realize. I'll just call back tomorrow,..." she sounded flustered.

"No, go ahead," Blair sighed wondering why anyone would think calling at midnight was smart.

"I didn't know it was that late," she continued to apologize.

"It's getting later as you apologize,..." she started but Dan grabbed hold of her arm and tilted his head to the side with an eye-roll. He was always reminding her to be polite. "It's okay," Blair said in a huff. "What is it?"

"I don't want to sound presumptuous but there's a big sale tomorrow and I was wondering if I should pick some items,...or if I should just wait until you decide or,..."

"Items?"

"I really didn't thin would be doing this again," she kind of stuttered. "So I really don't have anything. There's umm, there's a sale tomorrow and I was thinking I could get prenatal vitamins and maybe a pump if you,..."

"A pump?" Blair asked.

"A breast pump," Brianna specified. "I feel very strongly about breast feeding and I always give the option to the couple i'm carrying for. I usually have milk sent through courier. I can do it for whatever amount of time you wish. I do suggest at least the first month, the enzymes,...,"

"Umm," Blair was at a loss for words, practically stunned by what she was saying.

"I just was wondering if it would be necessary for me to pick one up. It wasn't required with the last baby I carried so I haven't used one in forever so I would need to pick one up and there's a great sale on so I thought,..." Brianna trailed off.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't,...I know you haven't decided I just know there's a sale tomorrow and I thought I should pick one up if you decide you want,...," she sighed. "I'm sorry. That sounds so forward,...i'm really not try to pressure you or make you decide long before you're ready I wasn't thinking, I just have to go to the sale with my sister and I saw it in the flyer and i wouldn't need one unless you..., I'm just going to stop talking. I'm sorry. I'll just let you go and you can decide and no pressure you might find a woman you like better. Have a good night, i'm sorry if I woke you,..."

"Brianna!" Blair hoped she didn't hang-up.

"I'm here,"

"There's no need for you to buy anything,..._I'll buy you everything you need_," she said sweetly. "_Just let me know_,"

"Does that mean what I think it means?" she sounded skeptical.

"I'll see you on Saturday," she confirmed.

"Thank-you,"

"No thank-you,"

"What just happened?" Dan asked with a smile as Blair hung-up.

"We're going to have a baby," she said while resting against her pillow.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**Present**

It started with pajamas and her toothbrush and progressed to night cream. He tried to suppress a smile when he noticed the large bottle of Chanel No5 on his dresser. They lived in their own world and feared for anyone other than their friends to find out what they were doing. Nicky became accustom to her mom staying at her dad's and a comfortable routine began.

"I want you to meet him," Blair practically whined.

"I told you i'm busy,"

"Too busy for your daughter?" Blair sighed. "It won't take long,"

"Fine!" Eleanor said, "I'll be over in an hour,"

Eleanor arrived wearing a fur coat that Blair starred daggers at. "That thing is disgusting," she annunciated carefully.

"This 'thing'," she emphasized with a slight twirl, "...is vintage Chanel,"

"It's a dead animal,"

"You know, you go on and on about fur but I know your duvet is full of duck feathers!" she threw in her daughter's face, still making her entrance.

"You really want to make a good impression don't you," Blair sighed.

"Can we please just get this over with?," she looked around Blair's apartment.

"I don't like your poor attitude,"

"Blair, do you really expect me to be thrilled to meet your new boyfriend?, you've been divorced less than a year and you broke up with that,..." she snapped her finger not recalling the name.

"Patrick?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed. "You didn't even break up with Patrick that long ago so i'm sorry if I think this is a waste of my time. I'm not too excited that you've become a village bicycle,"

"Excuse me?"

"I don't care what you do. It's your own life but why push these men on me? I'm not quite over your first break-up,"

"I've noticed," Blair said as she walked into the apartment.

"Well?" she put her hands on her hips as if this was the most inconvenient visit. "Is the fella here yet?"

"He's here," Blair nodded.

"Oh,..." she looked confused for a moment as Dan walked out of the kitchen.

"Hi," Dan smiled but slightly apprehensively.

Eleanor closed her eyes as soon as she realized what was happening. She then lifted her hands and covered her face, needing a moment to comprehend what she was being told.

"You okay?" Dan asked with a laugh.

"Come here," Eleanor pulled her hands down and threw her arms around him. "I have so many questions but I just don't care right now,"

Blair laughed and rubbed Dan's shoulder as he continued the hug.

By thanksgiving, Blair's apartment looked like a storage facility that only housed her furniture and artwork. Anything important was where she would be; Dan's apartment.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**8:16 **

Blair tied her colourful, silk robe tighter as she entered the kitchen and turned on the coffee maker. "Why are you up so early?" she smiled sweetly at her daughter who had taken over the kitchen table with pictures and a large bristol board.

"I need to work on my project," she didn't look up from the table, just continued arranging the pictures and making piles of the ones that would be of use.

"That assignment isn't due for another two weeks,..."

"Precisely why I need to get most of the work out of the way now. I only have another two classes allotted to work on it,"

"Well it's looking lovely,..." Blair yawned looked at her coffee pot.

"Do we have any more pictures of Nana Elise?"

"I'm sure I do somewhere,"

"E-L-I-S-E?" Nicky asked her mom to confirm the spelling of her great-grandmother's name.

"Yes,"

"Elise Waldorf," she began writing.

"Why not add Nana's maiden name first?, her name was Elise Venier until she married my grandpa," Blair pointed.

"And she's from Paris?"

"Oui," Blair smiled.

"So Grandma Eleanor and Grandpa Harold were born here,"

"Manhattan, New York," Blair nodded.

"Grandpa's mom was born in Paris, and his dad was born in New York,"

"Yes, but his family came from Britain,"

"Where's daddy's family from?" she asked.

"Well Lucy and Jacob were born in Ireland, but moved to America when they were young,"

"I've never met them," Nicky said curiously.

"You're not missing anything," Blair assured her with a scoff.

"Why haven't I?"

"You just haven't. Daddy's grandma is a horrible woman and you don't need her in your life,"

Nicky quickly changed the subject seeing that her mom was getting angry just thinking about Dan's grandma. "Where's Grandma Allison's family from?"

"Holland,"

"So daddy is Irish and,..." she thought for a moment.

"Dutch," Blair helped her along.

"Right!, Dutch."

"And you're British and French?"

"and a little bit German,"

"So i'm Dutch, British, French, German and Irish?"

"Oui bebe,"

"Where was daddy born?"

"Brooklyn, New York baby"

"Where were you born?"

"Right here in Manhattan," she smiled.

"Me too?"

"Yes," Blair smiled adoringly.

"You know it's only eight right?" Dan walked out of the bedroom, he rubbed his eyes and took a seat at the table. "It's eight and it's Saturday," he yawned.

"Well homework can't wait apparently,..." Blair explained, leaning over to kiss him. Dan looked at Nicky's paper and laughed.

"You're a mutt,"

"Am not!"

"I'm fifty percent Dutch so i'm more purebred than you even," he teased Blair.

"What are you talking about? both my dad's parents are from France!,"

"But they're not real French people, they were just born there. My whole family on my mom's side is from Holland," he smirked.

"Why don't you go back there," Blair sassed him.

"Maybe I will!, i'll bring you back some wooden clogs," he stuck his lips out in a pout so she would kiss them.

"Do you want a coffee," she rested her hand on the back of his neck.

"Please," he managed to get out before Blair's lips covered his.

"Mmm," she hummed with content, this kiss was truly satisfying, Dan pulled back lightly, his eyes starring at her lips before he went back in for more. Blair took a deep inhale when Dan finally parted from her, she scurried behind the counter to make coffee, but found herself starring at him. She cursed herself for ever getting this worked up in the presence of her daughter. When they were married this kind of lust had fallen into a comfortable pattern where the mood only seemed to strike when the option of sex was possible. Over the years they discovered that Nicky's eight o'clock bedtime was manageable but these days Blair could stomp her feet like a petulant child for not getting what she wanted when she wanted it. Maybe they had been more tired before, not that she was a particularly exhausting child, they just did much more juggling when she was younger and now that she was capable of caring for herself, they would find themselves in situations where Blair would stare at him, recalling that first time he slid inside her, that mixture of pleasure and excitement all wrapped into one. The content she felt when she was completely his. They needed a vacation and they needed one soon.

"Mum? can I go to Macy's today?"

Immediately Blair exclaimed, "Yes! now? when?". In an effort to seem less eager she cleared her throat. "..._When were you thinking_?" Dan pressed his lips together trying not to laugh as he pretended to look over Nicky's homework.

"Maybe in a couple hours?"

"Macy and her parents are always taking you places, we should take Macy out someday," Dan pondered.

"But not today," Blair's chin lifted and she forced a smile.

"Why not?" Dan asked, his eyes still on the bristol board that Nicky had meticulously organized on the table.

"Becausssse," Blair sung, "We have that,..." she scratched the back of her head, "we have to uh..."

"Meeting with Bergdorfs?" Dan asked picking up a formal letter that Blair has discarded.

"...Yes, exactly. I was hoping dad could come along as moral support," Blair explained to Nicky.

"Do you need me to be there for moral support too?"

"No you should go and have fun today. It would have been boring to you anyway,"

"Okay," Nicky exclaimed before grabbing her phone and texting her friend.

"Not funny," Blair slid her arms around his neck from behind and kissed his temple.

"They're going to pick me up in an hour," Nicky said when she looked up.

"Great!" Blair smiled too wide. "I'm glad you're going to have a nice day with your friend..." she explained herself as Nicky rushed to get dressed.

"I'm stunned," Dan commented. "What happened to your unsurpassable knack for deception?"

"Typically, I would handle myself with much more grace, however,...all the blood from my brain seems to have rushed to other areas," she batted her eyelashes and walked behind the counter.

"What kind of areas?" Dan played coy as he followed her. "Like your ears?" he asked while grabbing hold of her hands.

"Stop,..." she whispered.

"Neck?" he kissed her, she giggled but continued to move away,

"Stop," her eyes widened, "Stop," she scurried away and Dan fell into a chair, defeated. Blair pointed at him with his sulky face, and gave him a warning glare as Nicky skipped back into the room.

"When should I drop you off?" Blair asked.

"Anytime," Nicky shrugged.

"Get your bag,"

"Macy is named after the store," Nicky said as she followed Blair to the door.

"Really?" Blair made a face as she opened the closet.

"What was I named after?"

"Audrey Hepburn character," Blair quickly pushed her backpack on her.

"If Macy was a boy, they were going to call her Max. What were you going to call me?"

"I don't,..." Blair inhaled wishing she would just stop asking questions . "I don't remember," she handed her, her shoes and looked at Dan to see if he remembered.

"Jacob,"

"Right!" Blair smiled. "Ugh," she shuddered. "No we switched it after,...with your,.."

"Sebastian?"

"No that's almost what we named Connor," she looked at Dan.

"Nathan?" Dan quickly asked to keep the conversation going. "Lucas!"

"Right!"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**9:32**

"harder!" she screamed. "Uomgod,..." she cried feeling her legs turn into jello. "That feels,..UMPh,...good," she whined. The veins in Dan's arms became visible as he focused hard on the task at hand. "ughyeah,..ughyeah, MmMmMMMMmmm," she whined then licked her lips. Dan began to slow down, "No harder,_ no_...keep going," she begged in a whine as Dan felt his stamina waver, he was exhausted and winded, he thought if he went any faster or harder he might pass out of exertion.

Dan's breathing was so heavy, it only made her wetter. His hot mouth captured her nipple and she hit climax, finding that release she had been craving for what seemed like months.

"Uhooo DANIEeeeel!" she screamed.

"Did you,...?"

"_No, I just like to shudder like that and scream your name from time to time_," she breathed heavily then smiled blissfully with her eyes closed.

"_Wow, i'm good_," he said in a spent voice, trying to calm his breathing.

"I'll keep ya," she laid comfortably against the pillow and patted his shoulder in appreciation. Dan pressed his face into the pillow beside her head to relax for a moment before he continued at a much slower pace. Blair groaned.

"What?" he hovered above her, her arms grabbed hold of his biceps.

"Nothing, its just uncomfortable,"

"Suck it up," he continued knowing this always happened when Blair begged him to finish her off this quickly, she had much more foreplay than he had so one minute was good enough for her but he was going to need a little longer than that.

"I can't,..." she squirmed. "Not so deep,"

"Okay," he shifted and she giggled.

"What?"

"It tickles now,"

"Ok," he pulled away and laid down beside her.

"How long have we been together?" Blair starred at him, confused. "Do you honestly think i'm going to leave you like this?," she said in a low voice as she wrapped her hand around his thick, rock-hard, cock.

"I don't know," he shrugged a little. Blair ran her free hand over his face and down his jaw, before pressing her lips to his.

"I always take care of you," she hummed against his lips. What was supposed to be a quick kiss turned into something much longer as she felt how amazing his lips felt. She cursed herself for ever thinking he would kiss otherwise, he was such a good kisser, the best she ever had. Nate was too wet of a kisser, always shoved his tongue into her mouth when she least expected it, Chuck had bit far too much and pressed much too hard, and his light kisses were so light she barely felt a thing. Dan kissed her the way she kissed him, they had a rhythm and some kind of mutual understanding which was always satisfying. She sighed into his mouth and Dan pulled away.

"Umm," he glanced down and Blair realized she had both hands on his face.

"Oh love, i'm sorry," she giggled then slid herself down, her fingertips grazing his torso and stopping on his pelvic bone before she sucked him hard into her mouth. Dan watched her, he always felt so in love with her during these moments. Not just because of the endorphins pumping through his veins at an alarming rate, but because she was so eager to please him, so focused and so genuinely in love with him. "Mmm," she sighed in content.

"Come here," he said with hooded eyes.

"But i'm busy," she smiled up at him.

"Come up here, I want to tell you something,"

Blair wondered what he had to say that couldn't be said with her still sucking him off. But with one more hard suck, she agreed to his request and crawled over to sit with him. Dan just looked at her for a moment, he studied her eyes and her lips. "I love you," he said it as if she didn't know.

"I know that," she whispered. "I know that every day, I know that from the time we wake up to the time we go to bed, I know it because you remind me all day, in things you do and every-time you say it. I know," she kissed his cheek gently. "I love you so much, so much I can't even put it into words and that's why I do other things," she smirked referring to her previous activity. "I know because I would never agree to this arrangement we have if I ever thought otherwise. I would never agree to move into your apartment and let Nicky see this, if I didn't know it was forever," she kissed Dan gently then straddled him before pulling him up inside her, she rode him so lovingly, her eyes locked on his, her nose grazing his, Dan groaned in pleasure and Blair kissed his forehead.

"We better get ready, your appointment is today," he said softly.

"my what?"

"Your appointment with Bergdorfs,"

"Oh no. I'm not doing that. I didn't even schedule an appointment," she made herself comfortable on his chest.

"I know. I did,"

Her head snapped up, "Dan,..."

"I suggest you get in the shower, you only have a couple hours before we should be leaving,"

"I think so many other things i'd rather do today," she said impishly, her fingers teasing his chest.

**11:48**

"Jesus christ!" Dan came hard in her mouth. "You're still going to the meeting," he said in an exhale.

"What?" she looked distraught as she wiped the edges of her lips.

"You're going!"

**12:00**

"It's not up for negotiation,"

"Of course it is!"

"Get in the shower!" he demanded.

"Come with me," she flirted.

**12:01**

"That's way too hot!"

"You're such a baby!" she placed her hand on the tap.

"That's better," he wrapped his arms around her waist and let his hands roam over her backside.

"Now it's freezing!"

"You're overreacting,"

"Look at my nipples,"

"Want me to warm them up for you?"

"Okay," she smirked.

**12:28**

Dan adjusted the towel around his waist while leaning against the kitchen counter, "Stop looking at me like that," he raised his glass of orange juice and took a gulp.

"Like what?"

"I don't like being objectified," he said seriously as he put the glass down.

"Can you please just finish your juice i'm getting antsy,"

"Do you think i'm just a light switch, i'm going to need a little more time," he brought his juice to his lips.

"Hmm," she starred at his towel.

"Stop looking," he said in a warning tone.

"I'm just waiting,"

"Do you think he's going to wave at you when he's ready? or do you think it's like a kettle that will whistle when it's ready?"

"He?"

"Definitely a he,"

"Dan we never named your penis!" she looked baffled.

"Were we supposed to? besides I think if anyone is naming him it's me,"

"See there you go again with 'he'," she rolled her eyes.

"It's a penis!, it's a he!"

Blair dropped her towel and Dan's eyes fell to her breasts, "Look at that," she starred at his towel. "I think she's ready,"

"I'm going to kill you,"

"I hope so!,...AHH!" she screamed as he chased her to the bedroom.

**12:40**

"He's a he," Blair nodded completely out of breath. "There is nothing feminine about that,..." she mused Dan's hair as he let his heart-beat calm to a normal pace. "I don't think I can walk anymore,"

"It's like that time we did the one hundred positions calendar for work," he laughed.

"Ugh, we should have just lied. One hundred positions in one month is quite a task,"

"It was fun though,"

"It was,"

"Wanna try it again?"

"You're joking. We're old now, we used to be limber and horny and full of energy,"

"We had sex three times in the last hour and a half and i'm just saying,..I don't know for sure yet but I think I could go again,"

**1:30**

"BEST. EVER.," Blair exclaimed.

"I told you I could go again," he laughed against her shoulder.

"I think I might need a nap," she turned over.

"Blair?"

"Yes?"

"Want to tell me why you don't want to the job offer?"

"...What if i'm not good at it anymore?"

"Blair," Dan scoffed at her silly thought. "You are the greatest dictator of taste I know- always will be,"

"From you that means very little," she teased, Dan pretended to be offended. "But thank-you," she smiled.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

**Flashback**

"Hi," Blair rested her hands right where she knew her ovaries were. "Today is the day! do me a favour and don't hide, I need as many of you as possible to surrender yourselves. Another thing, this is a competition and only the strong will survive, fight hard. And one more thing, I want to warn the victors about the fertilization process,...they're going to come in like Dobermans, don't fight it,"

"What are you doing?" Dan laughed as he entered the room.

"Giving my eggs a pep talk,"

"Oh!,...of course you are," he pretended it was totally normal.

"Stop looking at me like i'm crazy," her lashes fell downcast.

Dan dropped to his knees and grabbed her hips, he kissed her on either side of her hips, "Be great,"

Blair laughed and ran her hand through his hair.

**XOXOXOX**

All the painful shots she had been administering herself were hopefully going to pay off today. Blair sitting up on the table with a hospital gown on was somehow precious to Dan. Her feet couldn't reach the ground, they dangled below her. Toes bouncing around with anticipation. Her soft brown curls and big dough eyes made her look so innocent. She looked young and fearful; so unlike Blair. It was rare to see her without leggings. Her legs were bare and she was wearing little white ankle socks. The doctor came in and Blair knew he was going to kick Dan out for this part, it wasn't a pleasant experience and he didn't want the husbands there to observe. Blair's hands shot out in front of her wanting a proper goodbye before the doctor told him to leave. Dan walked over immediately and kissed her. He held her face in his hands and smiled at her adoringly. "Just think about where you want to eat after okay?" he said softly.

"Okay," her lip quivered.

"If you want to put on some scrubs you can stay," the doctor noticed Blair's grip on his hand. Their eyes locked and without words Dan asked if she wanted him to stay. They were briefed the week prior and told that most doctors don't want significant others in the room. They didn't know they would be given the option.

"Yeah, i'll stay. Of course," Dan nodded before heading out to scrub his hands and throw on some blue scrubs over his clothing. Everything in the room had to be sterile before they brought Blair in and that included Dan if he was staying.

"What do you think?" Dan turned and modeled for her.

"I'd say hospital scrubs blue is not your colour," she cracked a smile through her bundle of nerves.

"It's not yours either Waldorf," Dan said back with playful banter, she giggled and steadied herself knowing this might be the scariest thing she'd ever done. Dan walked around the room and looked at posters and models of the uterus.

"Humphrey, quit it!" she scolded him as he knocked over a bunch of files and cringed with a 'my bad' face. He walked over and looked at all the tools the doctor would be using. "I bet if someone trained me I could totally do this," he looked up at the monitor. "I mean how hard can it be, suck up some eggs, get out..." Blair stared at him with a blank face.

"What?" he laughed.

"Where is my stoic and calm husband? I feel like you and Nate traded bodies or something." she pulled her hair up in an elastic.

"I'm a little jittery..." he admitted.

"Yeah,..." she inhaled.

"Are you okay?" he looked down at her apprehensive face.

"Yeah," she nodded. "you look ridiculous" she smirked.

"You wanna do this alone?" he asked pulling back.

"No!" she grabbed his sleeve. Dan continued to act silly and Blair stared at him again. "Quick tell me something only Dan would know..."

"Oh god, I don't know..."

"Think!,"

"Your kindergarten yearbook quote..."

"Something_ only you_ would know!" she snapped.

"Blair,...it's me,"he took her hand and laughed at her. "You're being neurotic. But if it makes you feel better,...you like easy mac but don't want anyone to know that..."

"Shh.." she looked around and Dan laughed. "Nate, knows that too though.."

Dan laughed lightly and looked around the room hoping her could think of something. "You have a birthmark on your..."

"Nate knows that too Dan,..." she sighed.

"You know I don't really enjoy the fact Nate knows you on such an intimate level,"

"He was around before you pumpkin," she goosed him with a snort. "Now think! what would only you know?"

"You cried the first time you told me you loved me,"

Blair gulped, her eyes fluttered before she leaned in and kissed him. After a moment the doctor and nurse walked in an explained the procedure over again. They had been briefed once before, they had been given pamphlets and now it was real.

"I want to again suggest you use anesthesia,"

"No," she said simply.

"I really suggest that we put you under. It takes around thirty minutes and then it's all over, you'll wake with mild discomfort..."

"I'm not being put under," she said. "I understand everything involved but I will be awake during this procedure,"

"I assure you we do this more often than you think,"

"With all due respect it has nothing to do with your professionalism or how many times you've performed such a procedure. This is my own issue. I'm not comfortable with giving up control in any way, the last time I was put under my world crumbled. I will be awake during this procedure,"

"I feel like I can't breathe..." she forced out when the doctor began with mild, local anesthetic.

"You're fine. Just relax" A single tear rolled over her cheek as she waited in the most anticipation of her life.

"You alright?" Dan watched her wipe her eye.

"Yes. I'm just nervous," she smiled to show him she wasn't in pain.

"We're not doing this for nothing Waldorf" he kissed the back of her hand.

"Maybe"

"No, not maybe" he shook his head.

"You're going to feel a pinch " The doctor explained.

"Okay," she whispered with a sharp wince. Dan stared at Blair's face then suddenly shifted to the doctor.

"Oo..." Blair snapped her eyes shut. Surely he could have pressed down more gingerly on his poor wife.

"Hey,..." Dan caught the attention of the doctor. "Is that normal?" he gestured to Blair.

"I explained there would be discomfort,"

"Okay well that doesn't look like discomfort to me that looks like pain..." he squeezed her hand tighter.

"It's all normal..." the doctor explained looking at the monitor. Dan fought his urge to raise his voice by kissing Blair's shoulder and distracting her with questions.

"Where do you want to go to lunch?"

"...I don't know..." she breathed out. "Ohmygod.." she cried squeezing his hand.

"OOO-KKKKAY!" Dan looked at the doctor. "Let's go a little slower.." he held his hand out.

"Stop,.." Blair turned to Dan. "He's doing his job, stop" she knew this was only going to take longer if Dan kept interrupting him.

"You know that little place we went to a few weeks ago? the cafe?" Dan starred at the monitor wondering what the doctor was seeing that he clearly was not.

"Oh yeah...that's good,...yeah" she nodded. Dan looked up again and crinkled his forehead. he changed his mind he didn't want to do this any longer.

"Dais, why don't we get you some pain medication okay?" he stroked her arm.

"No," she shook her head then barred down again.

When it was all over the doctor prescribed a full list of pharmaceuticals that Blair was going to need. Antibiotics, anti-inflamatories, pain and anti-nausea meds.

"I guess this is serious business," Dan looked over the list while Blair relaxed for a few minutes until the doctor came in with a count.

"Well it's not exactly something your body should ever have to go through,..." Blair wiped her eyes. Dan rubbed her hand. The doctor knocked on the door lightly as he opened it.

"We doing ok?" he asked sweetly.

"Yes," Blair nodded hoping he would just get on with it and tell them how many eggs he retrieved.

"I suppose you want to know what number we're looking at,"

"Yes please,"

"Well I counted twenty one but only eleven were mature,"

"Eleven?" Blair bit the side of her cheek. "Eleven?...just eleven?" her eyes blinked rapidly with distaste for the number. "I've been taking medication for weeks to ensure my eggs were mature..."

"Yes but we can't guarantee anything. They're viable and very healthy I assure you..."

"ELEVEN! all that for Eleven?" she looked at Dan.

"Eleven is a decent number."

"Eleven,..." Blair scoffed on her way back to the car.

"What's wrong with Eleven? it might go smoothly the first time"

"Jim and Heather went through twenty eight before they got pregnant with their twins!"

"Well maybe eleven is all we'll need," he assured her.

"Dan, the last time Bri carried it took her twenty! and they were doing four at a time!"

"How did that turn out?"

"They ended up with quads..."

"Shudder at the thought..."

"..." Blair gave him a death glare.

"I'm kidding. It might be fine. Why worry now? we don't even have any embryos yet"

"I'm going to throw up..." she scuffed along the sidewalk.

"Okay," Dan took her hand so she didn't stumble over.

"No cafe then?"

"Are you kidding me?" she closed her eyes, her face a pale shade of green.

"Okay, let's go home" he kissed the top of her head and she shivered until he took off his sports jacket and put it over her shoulders. on the drive home Dan kept looking over and asking politely if she'd put her seat belt on.

"I can't.." she replied curled up in fetal position. Dan carried Blair into their building through a side door with a swipe of his pass-key.

"Almost there," he assured her as she cried. "we'll get you some hang-over cure and get you in bed.

"That was so aw...aw...awful," she sniffed as the sobbing started.

"I know," he titled his head to the side.

"Out of those eleven we better get a baby because i'm never doing it again,"

"Well if there's anything we're good at, it's succeeding," he smiled.

**XOXOXOXOX**


	32. Stand by Me

****A/N:**** I apologize this took so long to update. It's not the longest chapter but I figured it's time I put out something. I'm super busy right now and I don't have much time to write but like I said before, I need to finish this because it feels like a constant weight on my shoulders. I don't mean to sound like i'm complaining I still like writing it, but the time frame I wanted to finish it in, has long passed and i'm frustrated with myself for procrastinating for so long. Sorry about any spelling errors, it's either update now with errors or update in three weeks. Enjoy! Sorry again.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

****STAND BY ME****

****BY: BEN E. KING****

****FROM: STAND BY ME****

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Blair watched as Dan signed the check with the most precision than he's ever used with his Mont Blanc pen. He looked up at her, their eyes locked as he stabbed a period at the end. Blair rushed into his lap, her arms found themselves around his neck. "Best money we've ever spent," Dan ripped the check out of the book and handed it to her. Blair stared down at the signature before leaning in.

"We're really doing this," she couldn't help but feel overwhelmed.

Over the first six weeks Blair had wicked anxiety. She hated that she had no control. She of course went over a strict regime with Brianna. A diet consisting of green leafy lettuces, probiotic yogurt, bran cereals and coconut water was implemented. Bri's vitamins were dispensed weekly by Blair herself.

"Blair, don't you think this is a little,..."

"Too soon?" Blair asked knowing exactly what Brianna was thinking. "Brianna," she sighed. "Bri,..." she cleared her throat, "as you prefer to be called. My diet consisted of what an oversized rabbit would eat before my eggs were retrieved. Dan has been taking folic acid everyday for the last six weeks. You know why? because I want my child to have the best possible chance to thrive. I need you to be at your healthiest. Your soil must be rich and unpolluted before I will even consider planting my seedlings in you,"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"Mister Humphrey," The woman held out a sample cup with a bright blue lid.

"Uh..." he blinked. "What umm..." he cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck. Blair grabbed the cup from her and shut her eyes before going into a full blown laughing fit. No noise came out of her mouth, she couldn't even keep composure. Once she finished laughing she fanned herself with her hand.

"Phew,..." she wiped the tears that formed in her eyes from her hearty laughter.

"I didn't realize that we were doing this today..." he pressed his hands firmly together.

"What did you think we were doing today?" Blair smirked while passing the sample cup from one hand to another, a wicked smile across her face.

"I don't know," he inhaled.

"You knew this day would come right?" Blair started to laugh.

"I thought we could do this part at home," he moved closer. "_Can't we do this at home?_" he asked under his breath, his eyes glancing towards the woman at the front desk.

"No, it needs to be..._fresh,_" she smiled then laughed again at her choice of word."Get going _Mister Humphrey_," Blair pushed him towards the room. "Okay, have.._.fun_" she smirked as she pushed the cup into his hand and shoved him further into the room. "Wait!,...Wait!..." she pulled him back and kissed him gently. "That way our baby will have always started with a kiss" she smiled.

"A kiss? just a kiss? how am I sup...," the door shut and Dan was alone. He shook his head and stared at the cup. When Dan walked out of the room less than thirty seconds later Blair looked pleased.

"That was quick...embarrassingly quick, I always thought you loved yourself more than me..." she smiled.

"Blair...I can't," he shook his head. He could feel his cheeks flushing as the woman at the desk looked over.

"Dan..." Blair side eyed him. "What are you talking about?" she said through clenched teeth, disappointed with his poor attitude.

"I just...I can't do it," he shrugged, his ears were now bright red. Instead of provoking any type of sympathy in Blair, he just frustrated her.

"You have to," she said quietly looking around the office hoping no one was listening in on their conversation. "Are you kidding me? this is the easy part!, do you remember what I had to go through?" she said through tight lips.

"I'm very uncomfortable," Blair looked at him with compassion when she saw the honesty in his eyes.

"Umm,..." she took a deep breath. "It's okay," she put her hands on his shoulders, leaned up and kissed him lightly. "_But if you really loved me, you'd do it_," she whispered and continued to look up at him with her huge eyes.

"Blllaaair,..." Dan threw his head back with frustration. "I want to do this for you, I do. But..." he took a deep breath.

"If you really loved me..." Blair looked around the room and smirked lightly at the woman to the desk. "Excuse me," she got her attention and Dan wanted to just run away and never come back. He could feel his face flushing. "My husband is a tad nervous. Performance anxiety and such..."

"Performance? What are you talking about? i'm in a room alone..."

"You're nervous to perform..." she snapped her head back at him.

"That's not the definition of performance," he said pretentiously.

"Well if I found you an audience would you be able to do it?" she snapped at him with a glare and irritated voice. Dan shut up after being put in his place.

"Anyway,..." she smiled at the receptionist. "would it be okay if I went in with him?"

"I think we should just come back another day actually," Dan suggested. "Maybe next week, maybe next month or you know,..._never._.." he trailed off, his eyes darting around the room never settling anywhere. "It's a bad day for this so we'll come back when...maybe after i've been taking folic acid for a few more months because it is so necessary for healthy brain development and..."

"Shut up right now," Blair wasn't even facing him but he immediately stopped talking by her tone. "I'm talking to,..." Blair looked at the woman's name-tag. "Denise,...and you're being an immature child. May I assist my husband Denise?"

"Women go in with their husbands all the time. Take as much time as you need," she replied politely.

Blair backed Dan into the room and closed the door behind them with a devilish twinkle in her eyes."Come here," she called him like she was ordering Winston, no compassion. "Come!" she said again. "Hah, if you could do that we wouldn't have this problem..."

"Okay enough!" he rubbed his eyes then jumped up and down and shrugged his shoulders like he was warming up for a run.

"are you serious?" Blair blinked. Dan slapped himself in the face and she couldn't help but laugh. Blair moved in and could tell Dan was trying his hardest to get himself in the zone. With her lips an inch from his ear a devious grin spread across her face. Dan kissed the lips that finally made their way to his face. "Just relax...close your eyes," she ran her hands down his chest. Dan closed his eyes as Blair unzipped his pants, he inhaled with a slight shiver.

"Blair..." she realized he was shaking not shivering, she stood realizing he was high strung and jittery.

"Relax," she whispered petting both sides of his face, soft and gently.

"I can't..." he said in frustration as he zipped up his pants, shaking his head.

"Hey!" she grabbed his face squishing his lips together. "Why is it that I have to remind you that I went through actual pain for this! Surely you can endure a little pleasure!"

Dan yanked her hand off his face and held her wrist in his hand, "If you're going to yell at me..." his voice began to raise. "I assure you, that is not the best way to go about this!" he growled.

"Maybe they have some magazines or videos..." Blair contemplated as she turned towards the door to ask the girl at the front desk.

"Oh. my. god. Get me out of here!" Dan made a sound that inferred physical pain. Blair stopped him by poking him in the chest.

"You're not leaving until the clinic gets what we came for," she sighed softly. "Dan,...I'm telling you to relax."

"It's not going to happen Blair," he said definitively.

"No?" she said impishly as she pulled off her shirt and unclasped her bra. "do you want to make a bet?" His eyes fell to her breasts faster that a teenage boy who had never seen a naked woman in his life. Blair chuckled lightly as Dan seemingly relaxed. She walked over to him slowly and unzipped his pants once again, he didn't object and she looked up at him and smiled as she palmed him through his Calvin Klein's. "Good thing we didn't make a bet," she bit his earlobe gently."How do you want me?" she whispered, running her hand up and down his length.

"Excuse me?" he laughed. "I don't think were allowed to umm..." he gulped.

"They just want it Dan, doesn't matter how we get it," she smirked impishly before falling to her knees. Blair proceeded to show Dan that she always gets what she wants.

"Good job baby," Blair exclaimed as they walked out of the room. Dan looked highly embarrassed. The blissful and relieved look on Blair's face was contagious and a smile came from the woman at the desk. "There we are. Now that is Humphrey..., HUMPHREY" she specified.

"Ms. Waldorf, I promise you, we will not mix up any specimen,"

"Thank you. That's very assuring." she nodded. "Can you read the name back to me?" she said seriously as her smile dropped.

"H..U...M...P...H...R...E...Y?"

"Yes," she smiled pleased. "And again?..." she waited for the women to read the name back.

"Ah," the doctor came out of his office and smiled at Blair once he saw that they had completed their visit. "We'll call you first thing tomorrow morning," The embryologist explained that they would be working quickly.

"Thank you," she pulled Dan by the hand still trying to tame her hair as they walked outside and towards a cafe. "Dan, guys have to do this everyday, it's okay," she giggled knowing he was embarrassed. Dan was usually the one to order. She found it strange when he sat down with her. He kept looking over his shoulder as if he was guilty of something. "Dan," she said sympathetically, "They do that everyday!, no one is judging you or making fun of you, it's their job,"

"We need to talk," Dan began. They both looked up when the server poured them both a glass of water. Sensing the tension he let them know he'd give them some time to decide what they wanted before he'd come back and take their order.

"What's wrong? you look scared," .

"I am,..." he said honestly. "Blair,..in eighteen hours the eleven will probably diminish and after that who knows if it will even work,...What if it doesn't work?," Blair frowned seeing how worried he was.

"Then we'll do it again," she said simply taking a sip from her lemon water before looking down at the newspaper in front of her.

"No, we need to talk about this. I don't want to be told devastating news without being prepared. If this doesn't work,...what are we going to do?," Blair never thought about it. "What if in ten years we still don't have a baby?"

"I don't want ttt..." she turned away and Dan grabbed her chin.

"If,..." her eyes seemed lock with his. "what are we going to do?"

"It won't be the end of the world," Blair's eyes were watery. Even though her words, and the way she delivered them seemed sincere, Dan knew she'd be heartbroken. Dan grabbed a hold of his wife's tiny hand and warmed it with his own.

"No, it won't be. But what are we doing to do?" he asked again.

"We're going to live our lives. We're going to be Winston's mom and dad,...we'll be okay," she smiled softly.

"Fingers crossed?" Dan pressed a kiss to her hand.

"Fingers crossed," she nodded with a soft smile.

The next morning they received the phone-call saying that all eleven split. "They are very agreeable," the doctor joked.

"I knew they would be," Blair did a little happy dance, Dan didn't think it was time to celebrate just yet. "Why aren't you happy?" she starred at him sternly.

"I'm just not sure we should be doing happy dances quite yet,"

"We're fertile baby!" she grabbed his face and kissed him. "Well,...assuming they didn't make a switch at the office, we are," she made a face and laughed.

"Don't joke about that," Dan deadpanned.

**XOXOXOX**

It was less than a week later when they got a disappointing phone call letting them know that nothing came of the two embryos implanted in Brianna and that they could try again in a few weeks. They expected it might not be as easy as they hoped but didn't lose faith on the nine other chances they would get.

"Are you around this afternoon?" Blair asked Dan as he rushed by her. He was wearing his messenger bag over his shoulder.

"Around for what?" he asked obliviously, stopping to take another bite of the apple he had in his hand.

"It's been over six weeks so,..." she hoped it would ring a bell.

"Right!" he said with his mouth full. "Do I have to go to that?" he asked before his tongue poked his cheek trying to get apple skin out of his teeth.

"You didn't go to the first one," she blinked.

"I have a thing," his thumb pointed behind his head indicating he needed to get in the elevator. "A lunch with my editor and then I have a pitch at one,"

"Dan,..." she was clearly disappointed.

"It's okay," he said in a assuring tone. "I'll be at the next one," he winked as he backed into the elevator.

"That's not funny," she said seriously. "_That_ is not funny!" she yelled, furious that he was making light of this.

"I only make jokes because I know it's going to happen!" he leaned over and kissed her cheek. "No sweat baby, we got this!" he took a big bite of his apple as the metal doors closed in front of him.

**XOXOXOXO**

"Did you take the test?"

"Did you take it in the morning?"

"I told you to take it as soon as you wake up,"

"That's why I told you to do it right away!"

"Well how are you feeling?"

"No that doesn't mean anything,"

"No you should be able to know by now,"

"It's not too soon Brianna!"

"Obviously it didn't work,"

"I didn't say you were doing anything wrong,"

"Just don't worry about it okay? we'll start again in six weeks," she hung-up the phone and looked to Dan who walked into the apartment with a big smile on his face.

"They're publishing it!"

"Great,..." she sighed.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Blair was beyond frustrated and really wanted someone to talk to about this. She and Dan had made a pact that they wouldn't tell anyone about this "project" of theirs for fear they could somehow jinx themselves or get their family members too excited, or worse, make them nosier than they already were. As her mother rushed around her, she really just wanted to pour her heart out. Eleanor was no Dorota but Blair knew beggers couldn't be choosers.

"Mom,..." she began.

"Uh this is horrible," Eleanor made a sour face at the hem of a dress that Laurel held out for her. "Who did this?" she demanded an answer.

"That boney little intern I told you to fire months ago," Laurel put her hands on her hips.

"Blair do you have Jenny's number?"

"To fix your incompetent intern's slack job?, no"

"That's not why i'm asking!" Eleanor's head snapped up, she was still grasping on to the dress, it was starting to crinkle in her hand and Laurel tried to save it. "I wanted to know if she would sell my designs. I'm considering a..."

"No," Blair said simply. "She only sells her own stuff, not including accessories," Blair flipped a page of the magazine sprawled across her lap.

"Hm," Eleanor thought for a moment.

"Mom, can I talk to you about something?"

"Blair, we've talking all afternoon," Eleanor complained with a laugh as her daughter's requested seemed ridiculous.

"No you've been working all afternoon and asking me to find you contacts,"

"I'm free tomorrow," she said fleetingly as she headed up the stairs.

"WHEN DOES DOROTA GET HERE?" Blair yelled and got to her feet.

"She's off for the weekend!"

"Why would you do that? What if I need something?" she rolled her eyes.

"Excuse me," Eleanor stood at the top of the stairs and leaned over. "You're the one who takes her three days a week!"

"Well that's because I live with a man who gets more corn chips on the floor than in his mouth!" Blair protested.

"I live with a man who drools like a mastiff in his sleep. Tell me who deserves a maid more?" she said rhetorically.

"Dan is a messy eater?" Laurel asked.

"Nate," Blair sighed.

"You still live with Nate?"

"Technically he has his own place but apparently it's just not as homey..." Blair looked in the mirror and tossed her hair a little. She glanced down at the mail sitting on the end table by the stairs.

"What's this?" her eyes crinkled as she saw the return address.

"Oh just a silly..." Eleanor headed down the stairs and tried to take it from her daughter.

"Why are they throwing a party? aren't all their birthdays in the winter?"

"It's not that kind of party," Eleanor explained that Aaron and Laura weren't throwing a birthday party but a baby shower. "I think it's tacky,..." Eleanor said.

"So tacky," Laurel agreed.

"Don't tell Cyrus I said that," Eleanor shifted uncomfortably before going to the next garment bag that hung on a large rack in her living-room.

"This is unbelievable!,..they really need to have six kids?" she scoffed. "There are people in the world who are perfectly capable of raising children and these two continue to fuck like rabbits and contribute to the ever growing population of neglected children, do they think they're the Duggars!"

"Blair," Eleanor approached her carefully. "Darling,..." she saw her face turning red.

"Come here,"

"No i'm fine,"

"You're upset,"

"No i'm furious!" she wiped the tears from her eyes.

**XOXOXOXOX**

Thanks for Reading! I'm sorry this took so long and it wasn't even very long but I needed to get this out now or i'd be in trouble! -FQ


	33. My Girl

**A/N: **This chapter was fun to write for me. It's interesting because it just stems from some random thoughts I have about the characters. Eleanor's point of view is included and I hope you all enjoy it. I always wanted to know more about Eleanor's background and I wanted to do some of my own explaining of who she is. The line, "Waldorf women are not socialites" always brought up a lot of questions for me. This chapter does jump around like crazy which is what I used to do. I hope it's not super confusing, this is the way my brain works! -**FQ**

**MY GIRL**

**BY: THE TEMPTATIONS**

**FROM: MY GIRL**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"She looks just like Elise,"

Bells rang with the news of her birth. Straight from France, her grandmother rushed to hold her new precious grand-baby in her arms, sing her French lullabies and let her mother have a rest. She had the most beautiful clothes, a pristine, round crib with a velvet teddy bear. She was beautiful, delicate, and lovely. She was royalty.

"Unwed teenagers shouldn't keep babies, Allison"

His birth was traumatic, lasted over twenty-four hours with several complications which only sparked more fear in the young parents that weren't ready for this. Shame filled the waiting room but tears were shed in relief when they realized everything turned out okay. His grandma wouldn't sing him lullabies but his dad played him guitar every night in their tiny loft. He was adorable, lovely, quiet and sweet. He was a bastard.

**XOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

Blair rested her hands on her stomach and smiled contently, she moved them around hoping she could experience a kick. Just when she thought she could feel something, her eyes opened. She discovered her hands were clutching a pillow against her stomach and she had been dreaming. Looking around she discovered she was in her childhood bedroom. Still blue, the same bedding, the same artwork, she sighed and laid back down wondering how she got here and how long she'd been napping for. A light rapping on the door caused her to close her eyes tightly, she had a headache now and her eyes were very sore. "Can I come in?" his voice sounded sympathetic.

"Whatever you want," she huffed and turned around to lay on her side.

"Y'okay?" he climbed on to the bed with her and assumed the same position she was laying in, his hand propping up his head while the other ran over her hair affectionately. She nodded gently.

"Why am I in here?"

"Your mom gave you an Ativan," he explained in a whisper, indicating the seriousness. "Why did you need an Ativan?" she shrugged a little. Blair didn't answer, she just turned away from him with a sigh. "You pushed all your mom's mail on to the floor and kicked it around," he reminded her while shaking her arm gently. "Why?"

"I'm jealous," she admitted. "But you already know everything because you talked to my mom so stop patronizing me, please,"

"Blair," he took hold of her wrist so she would look at him. "Bri's pregnant,"

She didn't believe him. "No," she shook her head and sat up, "I just talked to her and she,...what?" she pushed her hair behind her ears.

"I just talked to her too," he smirked.

"Why?,...why didn't she tell me?"

"You were in an Ativan induced coma for the last three hours," he smiled.

"You didn't tell my mom did you?" her eyes were wide.

"Absolutely not,"

She launched at him, squeezing his shoulders as hard as she could, she stayed like that until Eleanor stood in the doorway and asked if they were going to come to dinner. "In a minute," Blair wiped her eyes. Eleanor smiled sweetly and nodded at them before heading downstairs.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Nate Archibald was the boy her daughter wanted to marry since kindergarten. She would laugh at Blair's wedding plans in kindergarten and encourage her wild imagination but when high school rolled around, and Blair was still focused on her marriage to this boy, Eleanor began to worry. He was old money, from a dynasty, political power and a prestigious name-

_Not for my girl. _

"My daughter is more than a wife!" she told Harold when he explained a union with the Archibalds would be lovely.

Chuck Bass was the rich boy who never lifted a finger. He inherited everything including an ego. Eleanor found him vile but figured he was just a phase in Blair's life. She never gave him a passing glance, he was a waste of her daughter's time and a bad influence but Blair should have been making her own decisions by that point. Over time she began to feel as though Blair was hopeless and only money, the money Chuck Bass could provide, would be enough to support her wishy-washy girl. Clearly she overestimated her daughter's drive in life. He was new money, inherited a billion dollar business by the age of nineteen and neither he or she would ever have to work a day in their life.

_Not for my girl_

"Waldorf women are not socialites!" she said in a warning tone.

Dan Humphrey. That was a laugh. Another boy who her daughter was bound to waste her time with. Though he had admirable qualities, she was convinced her daughter was using him in another battle with Serena. Bit by bit, she watched her daughter's world flip into something completely different, her drive had been restored, her confidence at an all time high. Eleanor watched as her daughter cried over several boys but Dan never made her cry. He would never know but she admired the way he could make her stoic girl laugh until she snorted, supported her decisions and became her greatest source of support. She never wanted her daughter to rely on a man but she was so grateful that she found this man.

"It is insulting to not take Dan's last-name no matter how much he pretends he doesn't care, !"

When Dan and Blair arrived at the table, food started being served.

"I was thinking we should go to the _cemetery_ on Tuesday, all of us?" Eleanor suggested. Dan looked over to see Blair's answer.

Blair nodded, "I would like that. _Thank-you_,"

Cyrus leaned over and grabbed hold of her hand. "Are you okay sweetie?"

"Mhm!" she smiled, "this looks delicious,"

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

She was only five years-old when she decided she would call her mom Caroline instead of Mommy. Her father scolded her and told her it was not appropriate but Caroline hushed him and said she didn't mind.

Her mother was a socialite who she never held much respect for, not when she was a child, and certainly not now regardless of how many feet under the ground she was, or how long she had been there. Her mother was much younger than her father and married him when she was just shy of nineteen. She was a trophy wife and nothing more. Caroline had a very specific skill set that included throwing parties, drinking wine, meeting people and showing off her new jewelry. These activities were time consuming and left her with very little time for her one and only child. She suspected over the years that her excuse of not being able to have anymore children was a fabrication. Her father craved an empire but her mother couldn't comply, or rather refused to comply. She felt her mother neglected her for most of her childhood.

When she was around seven, she hid behind the heavy silk curtains as her mother kissed a man who certainly wasn't her father. She couldn't wait for college so she could escape this woman. Her father told her all about the college he attended and she couldn't wait to follow in his footsteps. She would tell him everyday since she was six that she would one day be a successful businesswoman, he never once told her that it was a silly idea, unlike her mother who constantly filled her head with ideas about finding a handsome man who would take care of her and buy her pretty things.

The Waldorfs were family friends. Monty was an intelligent man of good nature and Elise was the loveliest woman young Eleanor ever met. After so many years of her mother altering her dark hair to make it as white as snow, she never believed a woman with such dark hair could be so beautiful, but Elise proved that beauty had nothing to do with hair colour. Her skin was milky and flawless, her lips had a perfect bow. Eleanor was fascinated by her lovely accent and the way she would slip into fluent french, beautiful and soft as she soothed her children with French stories and lullabies. Occasionally, Eleanor was lucky enough to sleep over and listen to the bedtime stories.

Harold was her first kiss, she was about fourteen and forced him to make the move even though he didn't want to. They were best-friends and he didn't want her to be his girlfriend. They would stay up all night and talk about everything from their future dreams or just laughing about what happened in school that day. From then on, their families talked about how one day they would combine families through the marriage of Eleanor and Harold. That arrangement of the two wealthy families unionizing still held up, even after Eleanor's father had fallen ill. Harold soothed Eleanor's broken heart for weeks after he passed away and again when her mother took a new husband no more than five months later. The Waldorfs became her family, all she needed and all she wanted.

She knew long before the first male model. She's certain she knew all along. Her assumption was confirmed by her own eyes but she refused to acknowledge it at first. She played along and pretended she didn't know a thing. He was still her ever present and loving husband, he just had a vice he couldn't shake and she could live with that. She was strong enough to live with that. Somehow they found a dynamic that worked after she approached him. They had no secrets and he told her more than she would have liked to know. When Harold told her he had to leave because he fell in love, she couldn't breathe. She didn't see this coming, he was HER husband and he was always supposed to be her husband. She was a Waldorf and there was no way he could take that away from her, not now.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

"And you say you don't like my music," Rufus leaned up against the bar and smirked at Lily.

"I didn't know you were going to be here," she inhaled avoiding looking in his eyes.

"Oh!" he stood up straight. "The posters and drum kit didn't tip you off?"

"I thought maybe the rest of your band came to their senses and kicked you out,"

"You're pretty snarky for a girl who asks me to sing to her every chance she gets," he sighed.

"Where have you been Lily?" he tried to grab hold of her hand. "You've been gone for months,"

"Are you going to sing 'Rosewood'?" she smiled while changing the subject.

"Is that why you're here?"

"Maybe," she said coyly.

"I have a few other songs I think you'll like,"

"Oh really?, there isn't one called 'Allison', is there?"

"Allison doesn't quite roll off the tongue the way _'Lil-y'_ does," he whispered in her ear.

"are you still seeing her?" she suddenly sounded bothered.

"...not,...not really no," he shook his head. "Not at all,"

"Why is she here?"

"She likes the music," he laughed, and Lily gave him a playful smack on the arm.

"I think she likes more than the music..." she sighed giving him a once over.

"It's not my fault I wanted someone to comfort me after you ran away and broke my heart,"

"Oh poor Rufus," she smiled. "You're not seeing her anymore?"

"we broke up like a week ago," he shrugged. "You're my only girl,"

"Promise?"

"I promise," he smiled, "I think this means you should stop hiding me under your bed now,"

"I like when you're my little secret," she bit her lip. "Though Celia finding out about us and having a heart-attack does hold a certain appeal,"

"You'd think she would have grown on me by now,"

"Until you go to Harvard and become a surgeon she's not going to come around,"

"I could do that for you,"

"Become a surgeon? Who will sing to me then?" she smiled. "Will you meet me tonight after your set? After you celebrate of course,"

"No, i'll meet you right after,"

"You don't have to do that,"

"I can celebrate with them anytime. See you at ten?"

Rufus headed towards the stage and dropped to his knees in front of his guitar case, he quickly pulled the instrument's strap over his shoulder. Lily watched him intently without him ever knowing. The whole show, Lily snapped pictures of Rufus from the crowd. Their eyes locked a few times and she had a feeling this time they got back together it was going to be for good. There was no amount of money her mother could offer to keep her away from him now.

"I gotta go," he walked through a crowd of groupies.

"Rufus!, up here!"

"Thanks, but I have to go," he pointed to the exit where he saw Lily.

"Can you please sign this?" a girl jumped out in front of him.

"Uh,...yeah," he nodded after Lily mouthed that she was going to get them a cab.

"Hey, Rufus!" Allison called his name as he made his way through the loud bar and after the slender blonde who held his heart like no other. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"I,..uh," he scratched his shoulder starring at the exit, really wanting to get into that cab with Lily and rewrite history, "I'm not staying...so umm Vince is in a booth, we have bottle service up there. Enjoy,.."

"I saw Lily was here," she shifted her feet.

"Listen, Allison,..."

"Oh my god," she started to cry.

"Hey, Hey, Hey,...," she grabbed hold of her shoulders and looked into her eyes. "This has nothing to do with you. You're amazing I just,..."

"Rufus I'm pregnant,"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Blair used to tell her mother that is was morbid, but these days she found it comforting that every member of her family had a reserved block in the mausoleum for their respective urns and caskets. It was a family block with only one marble square, in the very middle, engraved. No one ever expected the first person laid to rest in this beautiful building would be the youngest but this was their reality. Blair cried and held on to her mom the day she explained that he belonged in the middle so that eventually he would be surrounded by all his family members. She told her that he was their angel and that was his proper spot.

Dan and Blair listened as people walked by the mausoleum wall and said things like, "Oh wow, this a baby," the woman gasped and stopped in front of the engraved marble. "Oh god," she laid a hand over her heart. "He was only a few weeks old, that's heartbreaking. Honey look,"

"Only last year. That's so sad,..." he stood beside her. The woman stood silently for a few seconds, paying her respects and touched the marble briefly.

Eleanor watched Blair from a distance praying she didn't push the woman out of her way. Dan shoved his hands in his pockets and politely waited for them to leave. Surprisingly, Blair took hold of Dan's arm and waited with him. "_I'm glad other people visit him_," she looked up at her husband with tears in her eyes then smelled the flowers in her hands, gerber daisies of various bright colours. When the couple moved to the other side looking for their long gone grandmother, Blair and Dan walked up to their son's name. CONNOR NATHAN HUMPHREY. Dan ran his hand from corner to corner, then Blair followed, doing the exact same before adding the flowers to his vase. "Dan?" she looked up at him as he starred at the name in some kind of trance. "_Do you think it'll be a boy?_"

"_Yeah_," he nodded before breaking into a smile.

"_Me too_," she smiled back.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"Two?" Blair couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face. "Oh my god," she breathed. "I didn't expect,...wow," she took a closer look at the monitor. All the frustration had been completely worth it. The last week felt like a dream, she was stunned when Dan told her that Bri got a positive reading on a pregnancy test, and now it felt even more surreal as the ultrasound technician pointed out two separate areas both filled with a baby inside Bri.

It was hard to wrap her mind around but she was ecstatic. Dan laughed uncontrollably and Blair wondered if it was from happiness or if he was uneasy. "We can do two," she rubbed his back.

"Yeah, we can," he nodded with a smile then laughed again and shook his head. "Two..."

A couple weeks later Dan convinced Blair to forget visiting Brianna and let her relax a little. Blair constantly being on her case couldn't possibly good for the health of their babies.

"And what exactly do you have in mind?"

"I think we should have a celebratory dinner,"

"To celebrate your book being published?" she played coy, grasping on to the collar of his shirt, starring up at him with those big, doe eyes that he loved so much.

"_Noo_," he smirked before looking to the ceiling and wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Oh!, you mean the fact we are going to have the best Christmas ever?" she referred to their twins due date being just a few weeks before Christmas.

"This calls for baked brie and a possible cheesecake,"

"That's a lot of cheese!" she exclaimed. "I like the way you think Humphrey,"

They sat at their favourite table only because Blair bribed the hostess. She was getting a little surly while still looking at the menu. They had ordered wine but decided to take their time with the appetizer. "Just order the Brie!" Blair complained taking another gulp of her wine.

"Hey now, we always get the brie let's just take our time here,"

"You just want me to keep drinking on an empty stomach!, I've had a whole glass and you've only had like two sips,"

"I'm reading!" he defended himself.

Finally they had ordered their meals and they found themselves in a constant state of elation. "Cheers!", they clinked their glasses together. Nothing could bring them down, Blair considered they should have gone to a less prestigious establishment for this celebratory dinner considering they were acting like elementary schoolers. Dan attempted to make a paper plane with his drink menu as Blair asked if he thought they had crayons. "They must!,"

"negative," he didn't look up, too busy with his plane making.

"I'm sure people bring their kids here!"

"No they don't," he still didn't look up.

"Well what if someone does bring a kid here? they have crayons, I know they do," she put her hand up, hoping to ask the next server that walked by.

"Blair it's not The Olive Garden!"

"Then stop making paper planes!. Are you five,?"

"Tell me what five year-old can make a plane like this!" he lifted it and flipped his wrist from side to side to show her his craftsman-ship. Blair's eyes shifted from side to side signaling that he throw it, and see how it would fly. The plane soared further than Blair expected and she giggled and covered her eyes when a server felt it poke him in the shoulder before crashing to the ground.

"Is this yours?" he placed the plane in front of Dan.

"no," he lied quickly. "But we never seemed to get a drink menu," he pursed his lips together, "so thank-you, I will just use this one," he unfolded the plane and flattened it out. Once the server walked away Blair burst into laughter.

"Stop," he warned her as his lips curled at the edges.

"I can't!" she cried with laughter.

"Blair, this is a nice restaurant and you're acting like a five year-old," he pretended he was mad at her but failed as he couldn't stop laughing.

"What if it's a boy and a girl?," she said suddenly.

"That would be,..._so cool_, it would be like-"

"Hold that thought," Blair pulled her cell-phone out of her purse. "I don't recognize the number..." she looked suspicious.

"No. No. No,"

"You're right," she put it away.

"No take it,"

"You sure?"

"I know it'll just freak you out because if it's something work related you'll just obsess the rest of the night so yes, just take it!"

"Are you positive?" she was already raising up from her seat.

"Go take it and I'll order us more wine. Or I guess I'll order you more wine," Dan looked down at his still half full glass, then shooed Blair to take the phone-call that could be important.

"Here you are," the server set down a tray in the middle of the table. "Is there anything else I can get you?" he asked Dan.

"Could I actually order another bottle of that Pinot Noir please?,"

"The two thousand?"

"Yes please, would be great," he looked at the tray in front of him.

"I'll be back with that shortly,"

"Oh I'm sorry. I don't think we ordered this," he gestured to the appetizer that sat in front of him.

"I apologize. You ordered the baked brie. I'll bring that over momentarily but for now just enjoy the Pâté on the house,"

"Is that fois gras?" Dan bit his lip and scratched his chin.

"Yes," the server nodded apprehensively.

"Okay, i'm really sorry but i'm going to have to ask you take that away," he picked it up off the table.

"It's no charge. My mistake,"

"Actually, umm...i'm not upset. I just don't want you to have a scene. My wife is a huge duck advocate and the moment she sees this she'll get up on her soap box and explain in great detail what they do to ducks to get them to taste this good. I don't want you to have to deal with it and i'd also like to avoid the police throwing her in jail for public protest,..._again_,"

It was at least five minutes later when Blair walked back to the table. Dan was looking through the dessert menu, holding his wine glass close to his face.

"Who was it?" Dan asked as Blair took her seat, he took another sip of his wine.

"Uh,..._Bri had a miscarriage_," she took a breath before squeezing her eyes shut and holding her hand flat out on the table.

"Oh,..." he felt his stomach drop. The last three weeks had been so nice. They never really considered something like this happening again. "uhmm, b-both?"

"Yes," her bottom lip trembled.

"Well that's...," Dan fumbled with the menu trying to get it to stand on the table but gave up as it flopped over. He put his glass down and laid his hand over hers. "It's okay you know?,...it's fine," he took hold of both her hands and squeezed them.

"I know," Blair sighed looking at her plate. "Can we just leave now?" her eyes filled up.

"No brie?" he tilted his head knowing she had been craving it all night. It was really the only reason they chose the restaurant.

"Not really in the mood anymore," her voice sounded far away, her eyes rolled up to look at the light fixture and Dan knew she was willing herself to keep from crying. He squeezed her hand a little tighter not knowing the right words to say. They sat in silence waiting for the server to give them their bill for the wine. "Thank-you," Dan handed the receipt tray back to the waiter and followed after Blair who needed fresh air.

"Um, do you still want to go to Nina's?"

"Forget about Nina. Just take me home. I can't even stand being around other people...," she was rigid and clearly disheartened.

"Blair, it's going to work out," Dan said with his usual optimism.

"We have to wait another six weeks before we can start this again," she was aggravated and spoke through clenched teeth. Dan was surprised to see her flop from sad to mad this quickly.

"No one said it was going to be a piece of cake Daisy," Dan tried to grab her hand.

"Just stop!" she pulled away from him. "Can't believe...fff..." she walked quickly towards the parking garage. "_great...just great_..." she mumbled some words under her breath.

"What are you going on about?" Dan asked starting to get annoyed as he continued to listen to her mumbles and tried to catch up with her.

"It didn't work!" she yelled practically spitting. Blair was mostly upset that he wasn't as angry as she was. "SO whatever..., obviously weren't cut out for this. Obviously wasn't in the cards..." she walked as fast as her heels would allow.

"It didn't have to. We can try again,"

"I didn't want to try again!" she turned abruptly. "I didn't want to do it again!"

"You're always so bent out of shape when life doesn't unfold the way you want it to. Well, here's life for you! not everything you want to happen will happen, you can't command yourself to make things happen. You do not have a genie and you are not living in a movie! sometimes there are no happy endings, sometimes life is shitty but..."

"You know what is shitty about my life? you!," she said in the heat of the moment, looking for anything that would sting.

"...,um," Dan blinked a little not expecting that. He stopped following her and stood in place expecting the apology he deserved.

"You didn't even show up to the implant..."

"What are you implying Blair? Why am I even surprised that you're still upset about that. Of course you're still upset,..." Dan nodded with a sarcastic laugh. "Well i'm sorry I make your life so shitty. I'm sorry that your life never turned out the way you wanted and that you settled. You didn't have to settle with me,"

"I had to!" she yelled. "I have every right to be angry with you for not showing up. You always seem to have something better to do..."

"Firstly, I can't see how me being there would have changed anything. You have this warped idea in your head about good vibes and positive attitudes but it's all bullshit Blair!, It's all bullshit!" he ran a hand over his head, "I had something important to me that day. I'm sick and tired of you acting like you work harder than I do and you care more about this than I do..."

"I DO!" she yelled.

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response..."

"Of course not," she smiled sarcastically. "Because you know i'm right,"

"Excuse me?"

"You left me for a pitch," she looked hurt. "And ended up taking a Skype call at home!"

"Blair I was working,"

"You call that working?,..."

"Yes, that is _working_," he said clearly. "That is what my career entails. That is what I do to pay for our fucking, over priced, uneccesary Park avenue apartment that you require!"

"OH! so you're the one who pays for that? is that right?" she snipped sarcastically. "Don't even go there with me!, just because you write the cheques and I let you handle our finances doesn't mean you pay for anything,"

"And how do you make the big bucks again? Oh that's right,...You boss people around all day,...soooo fulfilling," he scoffed.

"You sit in your pajamas and type all day, soooo lazy," she retaliated.

"I'm done with this conversation," Dan shook his head.

"Well, that's good because I have nothing left to say...Walk faster..." she seethed.

Dan stopped knowing he didn't want to get in the car if they were still fighting. "Let's finish this conversation. Blair...," Dan sighed. "I know you do more than boss people around. I was just mad,"

Blair ignored him. "This whole surrogate thing is just,..." he sighed. "Do you still want to do this?"

"Of course I do! what a _STUPID_ question,"

"Can I talk to you without you snapping at me? this is getting ridiculous it's like when you were pregnant and you..." he mumbled at the end then ran a hand over his face knowing he shouldn't have said that. Blair starred at him with hatred.

"I can't believe how insensitive you are right now," her eyes locked on his, her jaw clenched tightly.

"That's not what I meant Blair..."

"No one is pregnant," she teared up. "Not Bri...and not me. _Never me_," she wiped her eyes.

"Blair c'mon, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that you're emotional and I don't know if you're up or down..."

"_I'm freezing_," Blair choked out, clearing her throat. Dan pressed his lips together before slipping his jacket off his shoulders and holding it out to her.

"You can wear this if you're not too good for it," Blair stared at him. "Here!" he extended his arm. Reluctantly she pushed her arms through the arm holes of the men's large. Blair wrapped her arms around herself and walked towards the car. Dan bit back an apology. For the first time in his life with Blair, he was not giving in this easy.

"Don't talk to me," she looked over at Dan who started up the car. Dan let out a scoff as if she'd assume he was going to talk. Dan drove them home in complete silence. The tension was so thick Blair could scream.

"_I know_..." quietly slipped out of her lips when they were about five minutes from home. "I know you work hard," she stared out her window she didn't look over at him as she spoke, her eyes never settling on anything. "I don't want you to ever think that I don't appreciate what you do," she continued. Dan kept his eyes on the road. "I don't think I settled,...settling would be taking the easy route and you were never the easy route," Blair seemed to be studying the glass of the window, her finger drew patterns on the glass. "I didn't regret it, and I still don't," Dan heard her shift a little in her seat. "I uh,...I was upset when I said those things," she now looked to her left to see Dan's eyes focused ahead of him. "I didn't mean any of it" a smile was forced from a frown. Dan's silence was starting to scare Blair. "I love you," she said in a assuring way; a hopeful way. "I don't know what I'd do without you" her frown grew when he didn't answer. "Dan?..." she gulped. ",...why aren't you saying anything" Blair stared straight at him as he turned a sharp corner and parked the car in their spot in the parking garage.

"You told me not to talk to you," he said, his lip pulled to one side and he gave her a soft smile and linked his hand with hers.

"Talk, I want you to talk because when you talk you make things better," she closed her eyes and rested on his shoulder best she could in a vehicle.

"There is no need to get upset right now," he nudged her. "It's disappointing sure but we knew that these things might happen when we started this,"

"I just worry," she took a deep breath.

"Worry is wasteful. We'll worry when we have to. Today is not that day," he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips and she sighed calmly. "We're going to be fine," he said as he pulled away.

"We are," she smiled. "seven left right?" she hummed lightly.

"Yeah," he smiled. "_I think uh_,..." he put his arm around her and pulled her on to his chest. "maybe we have to get through the bad in order to fully appreciate the good." he spoke in a gentle whispering voice that soothed Blair and allowed her to close her eyes and relax. His hand ran up and down her arm softly. "When this does happen for us,...imagine how much more we'll appreciate it"

"You say that like you're sure it's going to happen"

"I know it will" he smiled. "why give up now? do you want to stop? because this is all up to you. If it's too hard for you, we'll stop"

"I don't want to stop," she placed her hand on his chest.

"Good then we wont stop,"

"Okay" she smiled the best she could.

As they stepped into their apartment Winston trotted over to his mom hoping she would pet him. Instead of dropping to her knees as usual, Blair brought a hand up to her face, she covered her mouth and closed her eyes.

"Hey," Dan grabbed for her forearm and pulled her towards him.

"I can be positive and optimistic but it's not going to change the fact i'm upset," her lips pursed and her nose scrunched as she began to cry.

"I know," he captured her in his arms. "You're allowed to be upset babe," he stroked her hair.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

Dan and Nicky sat on the same couch starring at the television screen in silence. "YES!" they high-fived then quickly went back to the television. Their eyes bouncing back and fourth. "MUMMY! GET IN HERE! COLUMBIA IS COMING BACK!"

"They're kicking ass," Dan commented.

"Yeah mum! they're kicking ass,"

"Fantastic," she chuckled sarcastically starring at her daughter in her oversized jersey. "Our daughter is cursing because of you,"

"I'm telling you, it's that damn school she goes to. Full of punks," his eyes didn't leave the screen.

"What did I miss?" Nate burst into the apartment and jumped over the couch. Nina followed behind him. Blair's eyes immediately dropped to her friend's stomach.

"They literally scored like one minute ago," Nicky explained as she sprawled out on the couch, her feet lying over Dan's legs.

"Don't look at me like that," Nina's nose scrunched. "There's nothing there!,"

"Something there,..." Blair mumbled as she spun away from her friend and went to answer the ringing telephone.

"There's nothing!" Nina flattened out her shirt.

"Hello?" Blair answered the phone. "Yes, he's right here,..." Blair pulled the phone away from here ear and turned to Dan who was now holding on to Nicky's shoulder in tense anticipation.

"Ya, ya..." Dan said under his breath and nodded a little.

"This is so stupid..." Nina rolled her eyes.

"wait wait..." Nate bit his lip. The room seemed to stop for a moment, no one said anything, Nicky looked at her dad in confusion and then looked at Nate, they looked like they were frozen.

"...No fucking way," Dan breathed. His eyes blinked with actual tears.

"DAN!" Blair scolded him while still clutching the phone against her chest.

"I can't believe it," Nate rested his hand on his forehead.

"Aren't we supposed to celebrate?" a smile slowly spread across Nicky's face.

"YEEEEEE-AHHHHHHHH!" Both Dan and Nate lifted their hands into the air when their team had won. Nate stood up on the couch and lifted his arms into the air.

"Sorry, it'll be just one moment," Blair rested her phone against her chest and couldn't help but laugh at the guys giving Nicky high-fives.

"That,...was amazing!"

"Dan?" Blair gestured to the phone.

"Who is it?" he didn't want to stop celebrating.

"May I ask who this is?" Blair asked. She nodded and took a breath before handing the phone to Dan. "It's Lionsgate," she smirked to show she was impressed.

"Www..." he blew air through his teeth sheepishly. "Why?" he asked Blair, his lips curled at the edges into a suspicious smile.

"Best seller?" Blair rolled her eyes. Dan brought the phone up to his ear and greeted the person on the other end while everyone stood around him in anticipation.

"Dan Humphrey," he said cheerily while linking his fingers with Blair for good-luck. His smile slowly faded and his grip loosened on Blair's hand. "I uh,...I don't know. You see...yeah okay i'll definitely get back to you. Thank-you," he hung up and Nate and Nina pretended to distract themselves with something else. This seemed private.

"Who was it daddy!?" Nicky jumped.

"They still want to make 'Gone'," he whispered to Blair.

"Oh," she didn't expect him to say that. He had just released a novel that was becoming everyone's new favourite book but for whatever reason the film industry couldn't get over the one novel she wanted to forget.

"Who was it?" Nicky asked again.

"I'm not going to do it," Dan whispered again to Blair.

"Do you want to?" Blair asked keeping her voice just as quiet as his.

"I mean,..." he scrubbed a hand over his face.

"Do you want to?" Blair asked sternly but still at the same volume. "Do you..."

"DADDY! WHO WAS IT!?" Nicky yelled again. "Who!"

"Nicky! go to your room please," Blair clipped in annoyance. She was physically surprised by her mom's loud voice and jumped slightly before obeying and going straight to her room.

"You didn't have to yell at her," Dan rolled his eyes and started after Nicky, following her to her bedroom.

"I didn't yell at her!"

"I can't believe you're mad that I took half a second to respond," he shook his head. "I'm obviously not going to do it so just relax okay?"

"Maybe we should go..." Nate breathed to Nina with an awkward grin.

"You call that half a second?"

"Nic?" Dan knocked on her bedroom door.

"Stop!" Blair pushed him away from the door.

"Baby?" Dan said adoringly as he pushed past Blair to get to Nicky's door. "You can come out, we're done talking,"

"Why do you always do that to me!" Blair pleaded while smacking him on the back.

"Why do I always have to be the bad guy? you always have to..." she smacked him again and Dan grabbed hold of her wrists.

"What do you mean!?" he yelled. "You just yelled at her for no reason because you're mad at me!"

"Okay guys,...can you please,.." Nate tried to get them to calm down for Nicky's sake, he kind of moved Dan to the side so he would let go of Blair.

"Yeah," Dan cleared his throat realizing Nate was right. "That was really stupid,"

"I don't know what's wrong with me," Blair's eyes opened wide with fear. "I just...," she blinked rapidly. "Dan, i'm so sorry," she lifted her arms and wrapped them around his shoulders. He grasped on to her and buried his head in her shoulder.

"It's okay," he pulled back and kissed her forehead over and over until she knew he meant it.

They laid in bed starring at one another, Dan played with strands of Blair's hair that cascaded down her pillow, her finger tips ran gently over his bicep and up over his shoulder. After what felt like an eternity of silence Dan began to whisper, "_Pretending everything is fine isn't going to do us any favours_," he sighed. "_It's wrong and we know it_,"

Blair clasped her hands over her entire face hoping she would disappear and not have to listen to this. Dan didn't stop playing with her hair, he continued and then rested his hand again against her face, his fingers touching hers, trying to get her to move them away. "We just fought in front of Nicky, Blair," he still tried to pry her fingers away. "We didn't even do that at the worst of times. What does that mean?"

"I don't know," she mumbled.

"You were mad at me," he reminded her. "You're still mad. How are we going to move on when part of you feels like it's wrong?"

"Because we have to," she pulled her hands away from her eyes. "You are the most important person in my life!," she stated quickly. Before Dan could say anything she continued, "Nicky is my world, she is the reason I get up in the morning, she's my everything, but you know what? _you made her with me_," her eyes sparkled. "And when she goes off to college and she becomes her own person with her own career and her own family, you'll still be with me. You're still the person I get to keep," she pulled his hand into hers.

"You're the one I want to keep," she smiled.

"Good because there's no way I was going to let you choose differently," he leaned in and kissed her.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Dan sat in his office holding on to his mug and starring at his computer screen. He was in a daze as he looked over the screenplay he had started writing many years ago. It was good. it was more than good, it was incredible. The more he read the more he wanted to pat himself on the back. Sometimes he couldn't believe he was the person who wrote it as he found himself engrossed in the dialogue of something slightly familiar. A knock on the door startled him, he quickly closed the document and looked up to see his father standing in the doorway.

"I knocked," Rufus explained gesturing at the door.

"Yeah, sorry I was..." he stood up. "What's up?"

"I haven't seen you in awhile," Rufus said simply.

"Yeah. I've been a little busy with Blair," he smile sheepishly.

"I heard," Rufus walked closer to his son.

"I don't need you to come here and lecture me," Dan breathed. "I know what i'm doing,"

"Did I say anything?" Rufus laughed. "I did come here to tell you something though,"

"Take a seat," Dan fell into his chair and Rufus followed suit sitting directly in front of him.

"I'm getting married," Rufus said simply. Dan's eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"Um, to who?, I don't think we've been out of contact for that long," he laughed thinking this must have been a joke. He knew his dad was an opportunist but this was extreme.

"To Lily," he bit his lip.

"You've got to be kidding me," Dan closed his eyes. "Dad,..." Dan said in a disapproving drone. "What are you thinking?" he said with disappointment.

"I'm thinking I thought you would be more supportive," he smiled, showing he wasn't phased by Dan's reaction.

"it's been over a decade and you,..."

"I love her,"

"You two just go in circles,"

"I'm sorry I thought we were two men going through a similar thing. I shouldn't have told you,"

"It's not similar dad, it's Lily. She has this hold on you that can't be healthy. You need to realize she's not good for you, she only wants you when she can't have you,"

"Where is all this coming from? you don't know much about my relationship with Lily,"

"Dad it's Lily!, she's selfish when it comes to you. She belittles you but always keeps you on her back burner because she knows deep down you're the only man who ever treated her decently. You don't deserve that,"

"Dan. Lily is not my Serena," he said seriously, "She's my Blair,"

"What?"

"I don't know how else to make you understand. Your mom was important to me but Lily is and always will be the one true love of my life," he smiled as Dan starred at him in confusion.

"That's insulting to me," Dan scrubbed a hand over his face. "Why did you even bother with mom if Lily is the true love of your life? That's so..." his jaw clenched. "That pisses me off,"

"Dan you're a grown man," Rufus reminded him. "Your mom and I have been divorced for years and you know she's been married to a new man for over a decade so,..,"

"Yeah I also knew that you cheated on her with Lily several times after you were married. Then blamed her for ending your marriage when she got the good sense to leave you. It doesn't feel good to be cheated on, does it?"

"I was faithful to your mom those last five years of our marriage,"

"At the risk of sounding like a child I won't say, _you started it_,"

"Where's my rational son who rarely expresses judgement?"

"You know what Dad..." he sighed and massaged the bridge of his nose, "I just don't understand why you didn't just stick with Lily in the first place, you chose mom and then I guess regretted it ever since? It doesn't make sense to me, you're just so indecisive. I don't think you know what you want,"

"I didn't choose your mom. I chose you!" he stressed in a louder voice. "I could tell you whatever you want to hear but the truth is, I stayed with your mom because of you,"

"Well I'm sorry I ruined your life," he blinked wondering why on earth he was telling him that.

"You didn't ruin my life," Rufus smiled. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't regret it, I never will. I'm telling you this because my life veered in a different path and that led me away from Lily. It led me away from her over and over. And all this time we've discovered that we're fooling ourselves when we try to stay apart."

"C'mon, you wouldn't change a single thing?" Dan questioned.

"Lily and I have been divorced ten years now, you've been divorced one year,...I wish I figured that out as soon as you did," a smile softly spread across his face. "Thank-you,"

"For what?"

"For opening my eyes,"

"I don't know what to say," Dan shrugged.

"Say you'll come to our wedding,"

Dan looked apprehensive and Rufus knew why. "We aren't taking family photos or anything,"

"Let me talk to Blair," Dan stood up, Rufus followed.

"Okay," he nodded with a soft smile. "I love you kid," he went in for a hug.

"I love you too," he clapped his dad on the back.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

A/N: YEEEEE...I'm hoping to finish it all in 3 chapters. Wish me luck!


	34. One Last Wish

**AN: **Thanks for the lovely reviews. I can see no one is really invested in this anymore. That's my fault for taking so long. I apologize. I hope you like the chapter even if it took forever to get here.

**XOXOXOXOX**

**ONE LAST WISH**

**JAMES HORNER**

**CASPER**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Laying in bed beside him, she couldn't sleep. Too many thoughts raced through her mind. A conclusion came. She peeled herself out of bed and quietly padded down the hall to Dan's office. She looked everywhere. The shelf on his desk only held photos of Nicky, his Mont Blanc pen, a copy of his newest novel and an old worn copy of "The wind and the willows", that had been there for as long as Blair could remember. She checked his desk drawers, his bookshelf but found nothing. She walked back into the bedroom and tried to get back into bed without waking him. Before she settled in, she went to his closet, she used her cell-phone to illuminate the small room full of boxes and more books. After a moment she could hear Dan moving in bed and figured she was going to wake him if she didn't just give up and go back to bed. Before she shut off her phone's flashlight she saw something. Under a pile of shoes, the dust jacket wrinkled and folded, it was discarded as if he never wanted to see this book again. She pulled it out and headed to Dan's office. Around two am, Blair decided to go back to bed. She made a decision, and could sleep easy now.

When Blair woke up, she didn't forget her decision. She kissed his cheek softly, his nose crinkled twice before his eyes fluttered open.

"You have to do it," her head tilted to the side. Dan's face looked something close to a scowl in his barely awake state. His eyes closed again and he groaned lightly.

"_I'm too tired_," he whispered. He knew she was starring at him.

"Did you hear what I said?" she asked, moving closer until her nose touched his.

"_Five more minutes and then we can do it_," he grumbled. Blair laughed and pulled away from him. She couldn't help but think of years ago when they were so overworked and tired from Cosmo, they would race home to release some steam but both were too tired to do any work.

"You're on top!"

"No you are!"

"Who ever makes it to the bed last is on top!"

Dan would take the stairs, two at a time while Blair pushed the elevator button, clicking endlessly then laughed at how ridiculous it was that Dan would actually run up twenty flights of stairs to avoid being on top. She stopped pressing the button and stood in the foyer for a couple minutes. When she reached their apartment Dan was under the covers, his shirt tossed on the floor. "I win," he smirked.

"Yes you do," she smiled as she tugged at the sleeves of her cashmere sweater and tossed it to the ground, then climbed up on top of him.

She let him sleep for a moment longer, cuddling into him and knowing if she wanted to, she could take back her decision. "Dan?" she kissed his shoulder.

"Uhhyeah?" he yawned, eyes still closed.

"I want you to make the movie,"

"What?" he was awake now. Eyes flung open in shock.

"You have to,"

"No I don't," he looked nearly appalled by the suggestion.

"Yes you do,"

"Why would you say that?" he lifted up the covers and got out of the bed. "We just fought about this yesterday. No more, we're not even bringing it up. We said buried, that means this too. It's over." he entered the ensuite and closed the door behind him.

"I need you to," Blair said the second he exited the washroom. She was sitting up against the headboard, her hair messy and tangled. "Please?"

Dan shook his head, "No," he said softly.

"We need to deal with this. It'll be like ripping off a bandaid," she shrugged.

"It's more like ripping out a pace-maker," he deadpanned.

"Dan, you want it. I want you to have a second chance. You deserve it. It's so well written, it's incredible. We can't just forget about it! Pretending it didn't happen, doesn't work! it creeps up on us all the time! you get offers to make films! to write screenplays!, people ask you to sign their books all the time!, we can't escape it. Let's deal with it, let's put it to bed,"

"Let's?"

"What's a writer without his editor?" she smiled tenderly. Dan walked over and sat on the bed.

"Can you handle it?"

"I'm Blair Waldorf,"

"It'll be too hard for you,"

"I've been through worse,**" **

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

Because they had been let down before, when they were told Bri was pregnant again, they quietly hugged but didn't say a word for fear of jinxing themselves. One of the two implanted embryos began to grow and Blair couldn't help but think this time would be different. It was very early on, not even a full four weeks when Brianna lost this baby.

"For sure?" Dan asked with a wince.

"She's at the hospital right now," she closed her eyes. "Why is this happening?" she asked Dan as her hands balled into loose fists.

"I don't know," he rubbed her back.

They drove over to Chris and Brianna's place to see how she was doing. The drive over was nearly silent except for the weak profanity that Dan uttered as a Mercedes cut him off. They knocked on the door in silence too and Chris answered. Sympathetically he greeted them and ushered them to where Brianna had been. She was sitting on a chaise lounge but swung her legs off and put down the book she had been reading. To Dan she looked positively fine and they shouldn't have come expecting anything different. It wasn't her baby. She didn't care.

"Hey guys," she smiled lightly.

"How are you?" Blair asked politely.

"I'm okay," she nodded. "Disappointed," she frowned pathetically. Dan glared at her despite his best efforts. it wasn't fair that she got to sit here and act like she cared when he'd be pulling Blair up off their bathroom floor later, when he'd be holding her shaking body as she cried for most of the night.

"We'll start again on the sixteenth," Bri sounded optimistic, Blair looked sad, Dan was pissed.

Dan kept Blair busy, he booked them a vacation, he took her out for dinners and made sure Nate and Nina were around as much as possible to keep Blair in a positive mood. "Six weeks and we'll start over," he always reminded her, "don't worry about it. It's fine," he'd say. Blair had no idea Dan had scheduled a meeting with her doctor

"So you're telling me there's no answers for why this keeps happening?" Dan asked the doctor.

"Your tests came back completely fine,"

"Then what's the problem?"

"It could just be bad-luck. There's so many factors. It's not exactly a natural process, it can take time to catch."

",...so how many more times do we have to experience "bad-luck"?"

"We can't be sure."

"When do you give up and realize it's not going to happen? the tenth time? the twentieth? my wife is hanging by a thread. I hoped for real concrete answers, not shrugs," he sighed.

"I'm sorry, we have no answers. Your results are just inconclusive. There isn't anything wrong with either of you, we just have to keep trying. You know, i'd like to give you an answer but there just isn't one. I would like to remind you that some couples go through this process for years, they go through more embryos than eleven and still don't have children."

"Is that your way of telling me to give up?" his voice dropped.

"No. That's my way of trying to humble you. You've done it three times and you're acting like the world owes you something. No one ever told you this was going to be a breeze,"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**Two Months Later**

A sharp and breathy cry from Blair the moment he answered the phone. His mind raced as she screamed as if in agony. "What? _what?_ what!?," he almost sounded angry that she wouldn't just tell him. It wasn't the best way to start a conversation when he was already stressed driving on highly congested highway and inching along. Through her sobs she strung together some words and Dan received the message loud and clear, "What is wrong with us!" she cried.

"Nothing!, Nothing is wrong with us!" Dan yelled, getting frustrated. "_Something is wrong with Bri_..." he said under his breath through clenched teeth.

"What?" Blair cried.

"Nothing!,_ Calm down, calm down_,..." he said in a soothing voice, he was saying it to Blair but knew he needed to say it to himself as well. He took a deep breath, "i'll meet you there,"

She waited for him in the hallway. They didn't say a word as they both entered Bri's hospital room. Bri's face was streaked with tears, her eyes bright red, her skin blotchy. "I'm sorry!" she wiped her eyes when she saw Blair. Blair didn't say a word, she walked over and wrapped her arms around Bri. "I'd understand if you wanted to use someone else," Blair kissed her cheek and stroked her hair.

**XOXOXOXOX**

"That was it, that was all eleven..." Blair's voice was shaky. "Why is this happening to us?" she looked at him like he had all the answers in the world.

"_I think_,..." he put his arm around her and pulled her on to his chest. "maybe we have to get through the bad in order to fully appreciate the good." he spoke in a gentle voice that soothed Blair and allowed her to close her eyes and relax. His hand ran up and down her arm softly. "When this does happen for us,...imagine how much more we'll appreciate it"

"Dan,..." she made a sobbing sound but he continued, not letting her speak.

"Maybe,..." Dan thought about how he wanted to word this. "Maybe there is a specific time for this. All things happen for a reason right?. We can take a break and maybe you'll change your mind and we can,..."

"Dan,..." Blair sighed.

"We can wait a few months and start fresh..."

"You know that I love your optimism but it's enough," she steadied her breathing. "I'm done with signs and profound ideas..."

Dan gulped, "Okay," he nodded gently.

Everything seemed quite fine when they returned home. Blair snuggled up with Winston after dinner while Dan cleaned up. "Dan?" she called out for him.

He pulled the dish cloth off his shoulder and stood in front of her, "You want something?" he asked sweetly.

Without a word she lifted her hands in the air like a child who wanted to be comforted. Dan took a seat beside her and wrapped his arms around her lovingly. She looked at him and smiled, he kissed her and she smiled again as Winston tried to wedge himself in-between them. They laid together in silence, Blair's hand stroking Winston's head and Dan running his hand up and down Blair's arm. "Dan?" she said suddenly.

"Yeah?" he kissed her cheek.

"I'll do it again," she pulled away from his grasp, her eyes were red and sparkled with tears. "I'll make another appointment, I don't care. I'll do anything," she wiped her eyes.

"No,..No Blair, You said you didn't want to ever go through that again," Dan reminded her.

"I have to,"

**XOXOXOXOX**

The morning before Blair's egg retrieval was calm and quiet, Blair hardly made a peep as she got ready to go to the hospital. "I really wanted you to go to the book signing," was the first thing she said to Dan when she walked in the kitchen to find breakfast waiting for her.

"That can wait," his hand found itself on top of hers the moment she sat at the table.

"Doug is going to be so mad at you," she smirked and Dan shrugged with a laugh.

"Too bad. My day will consist of wearing a stylish, blue hospital scrubs and then taking care of you all afternoon,"

"I'm such a lucky girl," she smiled and kissed him.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Blair's face contorted, but she tried not to cry, her lips pursed in an effort to stop the pain in her throat. She was embarrassed and couldn't seem to get a grip, her nose twitched and she blinked trying to keep the tears in, one rolled down her nose and she bounced her knee subconsciously, hoping they could leave as soon as possible. Her hand formed a fist and pressed against her mouth still trying to stop herself from crying. She had done enough crying lately and she didn't want to upset Dan who was still talking to the doctor. She also didn't want Dan to know she looked at her chart and knew what the doctor was about to tell them.

"...Six," the doctor finished saying.

"Six?" Dan questioned. "Just six?" his nose wrinkled.

JUST SIX. Blair lost it. She couldn't do anything right, she could only provide six? what on earth was wrong with her. "I can't do it again! I can't!" she cried.

"Hey," Dan took hold of her wrist and tried to calm her.

"I'd like to urge you to implant all six," the doctor said.

"You literally want us to put all our eggs in one basket," Blair shook her head, her eyes still welling up from the disappointment in herself.

"Six,...six is a lot. You really think?" Dan asked the doctor wearily. "That might be pushing it."

"I'm just trying to give you the best chance here,"

"I don't know,"

"We can always terminate if all six take," he knew the origin of Dan's concern.

Dan nodded understanding. Blair's lips pressed firmly together. Dan looked over at her. "Can we talk about this?" he asked the doctor.

"Take all the time you need,"

"I don't want to try six," he expressed his opinion the moment they left the building.

"I think we should do all six like the doctor said we should,"

"I don't want to go with six," Dan reiterated.

"I DO!" she cried.

"Blair that's a lot. It's way too many." he reasoned.

"What are you afraid of? that your cushy life is going to become complicated? I don't think you want _any_ to make it"

"You're being ridiculous! Of course I want them to make it. But I want one, or maybe two,...not six. I don't want to put this on ourselves," he put his hand on his chest.

"What if they all make it?. I know you. You won't terminate a single one."

"Why would I? she got defensive. "They're my children!,..if they're healthy enough to hold on why would I get rid of them?...this is what we want."

"No," he spoke concisely. "We don't want six kids Blair,...we wanted one, maybe two, I could even confidently say that i'd probably be okay with three but six?...not six..."

"Fine! we'll try two again,...happy?"

"Why are you so upset? You know I don't want that. I was trying to control this okay? we'll do it again."

"With two again!?" she cried out.

"NO! WE'LL DO SIX!," he yelled in frustration, "...and we can move to New Jersey when we have six babies! YAY!" he threw his hands into the air sarcastically. "Maybe we can get our own reality show about how much we only wanted one child but put a whole dozen embryos in Brianna because...what if..."

"We don't have a dozen!" she screamed. "We have six left! that's it! GAME OVER!"

"We can always retrieve more," he calmed down.

"More?" her voice cracked. "You say that like it's just so easy! I don't want to go through all this again. If it doesn't happen after this,...i'm not doing it again,"

"Why? why would you give up now?" he was frustrated.

"Because i'm tired Dan. _I'm so tired of it,_" her hands rested on the top of her head. "It makes us fight. It exhausts me. It depresses me. I can't do this again," she wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry," it was one of the first genuine apologies Dan ever heard from Blair, "I'm sorry, I just can't,"

"Let's do six," he said softly, his eyes starring into hers caught her off guard.

"You said,..."

"I know what I said but you're right. They all deserve an equal shot,"

"and what if I can't bring myself to have a single one terminated if they all make it?"

"Then we'll hire Dorota and Jenny full time," Blair laughed at his simple solution.

"Ugh,.." she wiped her eyes. "One last shot Humphrey?"

"One last shot Waldorf,"

When the doctor asked what they decided on, Blair looked to Dan and replied with, "We would like to try,..,,"she looked to Dan, "Three,"

"You're sure?"

"Blair,..." Dan looked over.

"Yes, we're sure,"

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

**It worked. But just one. Eight weeks in. **

"When will I stop worrying?"

"...you won't," Dan said honestly. "There's always something else to worry about. Once you get through the first trimester then there's scarier things that could happen, third is scarier than that. Then there's the birth, you'll worry about that..." Blair looked up. "When that baby is here, do you think you won't worry? Blair you're going to worry every day of your life. It's your baby. You will never stop worrying,"

"Why did you say that?"

"Because it's true and it's good, you're going to worry when he or she is graduating University," he laughed.

"Columbia or Yale?" she smirked.

"YALE!" he exclaimed. "I mean,...I mean whichever school he or she chooses,...ehem, as long as it's Yale,..." he said under his breath.

"You're right. I will worry," she laughed. "I'll worry about our kid going to community college. That would be the worst,"

"Blair, the worst is our kid not going to school at all,"

"Joining a rock band...piercing various parts of his beautiful face..."

"What are we doing?"

"I don't know," she laughed.

**XOXOXOXOX**

Half way through the second trimester. It felt good, it felt scary

Blair inhaled sharply and squeezed Dan's hand tightly as they saw the baby's spine on the monitor. Watching this baby move and it's heart beat so steady was surreal for Dan. The last time he saw anything like this it was Connor he was watching and something triggered emotions he didn't know he had. They only saw the baby once before and there wasn't much too look at, now there was toes and a nose and tiny little ears.

"Well that looks just about as good as it can get," the technician commented. "Look at that," she said with awe pointing out a clear image of the spine and the steady heartbeat. "Perfect,.." she knew that was the picture he needed to print for them.

Blair felt a shift beside her, she looked to see the heel of Dan's hand digging into his eye. She frowned and took hold of his hand. "Dan..." if Blair didn't know any better she would seriously consider that something was wrong. He turned to her and hugged her tightly, burying his face in her shoulder. If it hadn't been for Dan's sincere reaction she probably wouldn't have burst into tears along with him. "You softie..." she teased him lightly while running her hand up his back.

**XOXOXOXOXOXO**

**PRESENT**

Blair hoped around in the elevator trying to remove her panties and skirt without taking off her trench-coat. She planned on knocking on his door and giving him a peek at what he had in store but didn't anticipate how short the elevator ride had been. Not wishing to be caught in the hallway without her shoes, she quickly stuffed her panties and tights into her purse, just in time for the doors to open. She licked her lips and knocked on the door. When the door opened she smirked, the smirk fell the second she realized the object of her affection was not standing in the doorway, it was Nate.

"I'm having deja vu..." she groaned. She was promised wine, dinner and a minimum of four childless hours.

"What are you doing here?" Nate asked.

"I could ask the same question,"

"Blair, can I see you in the kitchen?" Dan asked with an eyebrow raise. "I want to discuss _parenting things_..." there was no point, Nate was already back being preoccupied with his video game.

"I'm sorry," Dan huffed when Blair entered the kitchen. "But let's go to your place, we can be quick and he won't even realize we're gone,"

"How romantic,"

"Blair, i'm going stir crazy,"

"Well, isn't that fun,..." she smirked and leaned up giving him a pillow, soft kiss on the cheek.

"That's not fair..." he whispered in her ear.

"Sorry..., _you seem to have a guest_," she pulled away, then turned back and joined Nate. Dan followed and sat beside her, he grabbed a hold of her hand and pouted. Blair shook her head amused with how sad he looked.

"Please?" he mouthed. She shook her head again before engaging in a mindless conversation with Nate. Dan scrubbed a hand over his face and threw his head back on the headrest of the couch so he was starring at the ceiling.

"When can we eat? i'm starving." Nate asked Dan who wanted nothing more than for Nate to leave.

There were three plates to clean up instead of the anticipated two. There were no leftovers. The stimulating conversation was reduced to Nate asking advice on how to tell his mom that Nina was carrying his baby and Blair acting like a therapist telling him exactly how he should go about it. Dan tried to steer the conversation in all different directions but Blair didn't take the hint so he gave up and ate in silence.

"Who wants to clean up?" Dan asked. Nate touched his finger to his nose and Blair playfully did the same.

"Okay..." Dan sighed and grabbed the plates.

"Dan, i'll have a coffee when you get a chance," Nate said. Blair rubbed Dan's shoulder affectionately.

"I'll help you," she smiled sweetly. The only alone time they had in the last couple hours was as they cleaned the dishes in the sink. He washed and she dried but they should have done the opposite since Blair asked where almost everything went when she finished drying.

"Just leave it there, i'll get it later,"

"So particular..." she teased. "I'm sorry," she referred to Nate showing up.

"Don't be sorry. It's not your fault we have a thirty six year-old son,"

Blair leaned up and kissed him softly, Dan deepened it but they pulled away as Nate called out asking if they had any dessert to go with the coffee. Dan grumbled something about having some apple pie leftover and Blair made a face saying she couldn't eat another bite.

"I know what I want for dessert," Dan eyed Blair up and down and she giggled.

"You're disgusting. Treat me like a lady," she gave him a flick and began walking away.

"But sometimes you're not a lady..." he bit his lip and pulled her body back into his.

"No..." she cringed when he growled. "No," she felt his lips on her neck and she almost gave it all up, right there, in the kitchen, with Nate all but twenty feet away.

They sat with Nate as they drank their coffee, Dan nudging Blair whenever he wasn't looking.

"Have anything you want me to edit?," Blair asked Dan.

"No," Dan pouted again.

"Go get it," she sighed knowing he was just frustrated.

"Fine," he sighed and headed to his office.

"Nate i'll be right back, I just have to take a call," Blair rushed up out of her seat and followed Dan.

"What are you,..." he looked over to see Blair smiling impishly as she turned around, shimmied down her skirt and stepped out of it. She then pulled her hair to the front, and gestured for him to come closer.

"Yeah?" he asked with an amused blink.

"Do you require warming up?" she laid both her hands flat on the desk.

"Nope," his eyes traced her backside. "Uh,...do you?" he asked courteously.

"You growled at me in the kitchen, i'm good to go,"

"You know,...I forgot it had that effect on you," he played coy as he unbuckled his pants. "You weren't kidding," he kissed the back of her ear as his finger tips grazed over her delicate places. When he pushed into her, she felt her eyes roll back.

"Is that what you wanted?" she purred as he made a low, satisfying groan.

"Yeah," he pushed all the way into her and she gasped.

She turned her head to capture his lips but could barely give him a peck. "ooo," she hissed then moaned. "Yeah,"

"That good?"

"So good,"

When they returned to Nate his eyes were stilled glued to the television. Blair collapsed on to the couch, Dan right beside, sneaking a kiss and caress since Nate still wasn't looking. Blair giggled lightly and Dan shook his head telling her to be quiet then grabbed both sides of her face and gave her a lengthy kiss. She looked at him dreamily, Dan gave Nate the finger behind his back and Blair giggled louder. The door flung open and Nicky and Rufus walked in, Blair straightened up on the couch and Dan moved a good foot away from Blair.

"There she is!" Dan commented happily.

"How was the show?" Blair asked pushing her hair behind her ears.

"I loved it. Grandpa thought it was dull," she explained while tossing her bag to the side.

"I just think it could have been better," he shrugged.

"As a musician yourself, you should be open to different types of music," Nicky explained while climbing on to her mom's lap.

"Yeah yeah," he took the advice from his grand-daughter and looked back at Blair. "Look, the three musketeers back together," Rufus commented on all three of them.

"Go say thank-you to Grandpa," Blair whispered in her ear.

"Thank you!" Nicky jumped out of her mom's lap to say bye to her grandpa. "You're my favourite Grandpa..." she smirked.

"I'm sure you say that to grand-dad too..."

"She does," Dan laughed.

"Well, you're my favourite grandpa in New York and he's my favourite grandpa in Paris," she said carefully with wide eyes hoping that didn't upset him.

"Well, i'll take it!" Rufus hugged her tightly. "Because New York-Grandpa gets to see New York-Nicky a whole lot more"

"Mhmm" she squeezed him tightly. Rufus recalled a time when he never thought he'd get a grandchild and even now hugging her felt surreal. "I'll burn you a CD of the music from tonight's show so you can review it and come to a true conclusion,"

"Why can't I just not like something Nic?" Rufus sighed.

"Because Grandpa! it was very good! and you just need some time to review,"

Dan thanked Rufus and a few minutes later he said goodbye to everyone and headed out.

Moments later, Nicky sat on Blair's lap as they play cards at the round dining-room table.

"Blair, your mini is falling asleep." Nate gestured to Nicky who's eyes looked heavy as she glanced at her mom's set of cards.

"You want to go to bed sweets?"

"No.." she yawned.

"Yes you do..." Dan tickled her chin and she pulled away from him with irritation in her groan.

"God, every time I look at you together it's unreal..." Nate stared at Blair and the mini version of Blair. Blair smiled thoughtfully and bowed her head to see what he meant.

"Crazy right?" Dan took a good look at them while shuffling the cards.

"Definitely know who her mom is..." Nate chuckled for a moment. "Her dad too but not for the same reason,...the paternity test helped that,...oh man, do you guys remember that?" he laughed as Dan and Blair's jaws clenched in unison.

"Nate what are you talking about?" Dan piped up, clearing his throat. Blair was about to hit full on bitch mode not believing Nate would say this in front of Nicky.

"You had to take a test to find out who my dad was?" Dan and Blair looked at each-other and both could kill Nate.

"No, I was kidding...I_ was just kidding_..." Nate played with the card in front of him hoping they could move on. Nicky got up off her mom's lap and headed to her room.

"Thanks Nate,...now my daughter thinks i'm a cheating slut" her tongue was sharp as she quickly got up from her chair.

"I'm so sorry I didn't mean to..." he realized he just made a mess for his friends.

"Nate, what are you even doing here? please just go home," Blair said in frustration. Nate jumped to his feet obeying Blair as always.

"Hey man,..." Dan walked to the door with him feeling terrible. Nate didn't mean to put his foot in his mouth. "We're going to tell her, don't worry about it okay?"

"No, we're not" Blair overheard and marched over "we're not telling her anything" she yelled back with her arms crossed over her chest.

"I'm going to go," Nate walked out leaving Dan and Blair staring at each-other.

"She doesn't have to know,..."

"Well she kind of does now," Dan nodded. "I don't want her thinking that,.." he pointed in the direction of Nicky's room.

"I'm not prepared to tell her the truth,..."

"Blair, none of that matters, _she's ours!_" he stressed.

"I know!," she nodded agreeing. "I'm not afraid about that..." her voice hitched. "i'm terrified of the questions that come after we tell her. How am I going to explain?"

"With me right beside you," he said. "If you can't. I will,"

"How do I answer 'why?' "

"You just say it, it happened, you just tell the truth and you never have to talk about it again. We'll start from the beginning,"

"I can't," he saw her tense up. "Dan, I can't" she rooted her feet in the ground and wouldn't move any closer. "she'll never stop asking. She won't let me forget it..."

"...do you want to forget it?"

**XOXOXOXOXOX**


	35. Hallelujah

**A/N: Life is really changing for me right now and that's why i've been so busy. Just,... thank-you. **

**HALLELUJAH **

**FROM: LORD OF WAR**

**VERSION BY JEFF BUCKLEY**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

Blair felt her world crumble around her. What was supposed to be a day to celebrate turned into a nightmare as Dan's grandmother glared at her with confusion and anger. She now knew that Dan's light kick under the table was a warning. He told her not to say anything, she couldn't help it, she was too excited. Rufus and Dan's grandfather sat at the table in shock, Jenny in pure elation but Grandma Lucy's jaw dropped. She looked around the table in horror. "How dare you,...how dare you!,"

"..._What_?" Blair asked in a small, confused voice. Her eyes finding comfort in the table cloth. Now she felt her heart beat loudly, a feeling she hadn't known since once being scolded as a young child at a tender age. Her eyes filled as Nana Lucy's voice grew louder. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"

"Nana, Nana..." Jenny tried to get her attention.

"I won't listen for another moment,..." she pulled back from the table. "You godless..." she pointed her finger at Blair in a jabbing motion.

"Enough!" Dan turned to his grandmother, frustration and anger on his face. The seriousness in his expression was something Rufus had never seen before. Lucy ignored Dan and continued speaking to Blair.

"Why would you want to do this to Connor?. You just want to replace him as quickly as possible,..."

"No,..." Blair shook her head slowly, a tear slipping on to her cheek. She couldn't hear anything but the woman's words of poison even though Dan was arguing with her and Rufus was trying to calm him down.

"Dan..." Rufus placed his hand on Dan's shoulder.

"You don't know what you're talking about. You just..."

"I need my bible..." Nana stood.

"Oh, great!" Dan scoffed. "Then you can find me where it says that no-one should have children after losing a child. I'd love you to find that for me..." he nodded with a sarcastic grin.

"Daniel,..." she said sternly.

"you think for one second that if she was able,... we wouldn't be trying right now?"

Blair wiped at her eyes furiously on a table napkin and tried to stop her lip from shaking.

"That is not what i'm saying!," she yelled. "What I'm saying is,...If god wanted you to be parents he would have let that boy live OR he would have left Blair capable. This was gods will, he had another plan for you and it was not being parents. What you've done is unforgivable. Playing god is like making a deal with the devil,"

Dan rolled his eyes dramatically which infuriated his grandmother. "Daniel!" she yelled.

"Can we please be civil? let's calm down," Rufus said

"That baby is evil. It's a devil child,"

"Stop!"

"I can only prey that it'll die in utero..."

"Grandma!" Jenny scolded.

"Fuck you!" Dan hand slapped the table.

Blair got up from the table, she started walking but soon sprinted away from the yelling. Rufus sighed and rushed after Blair.

"Is this okay to you?" Dan asked his grandmother while gesturing to Blair who had Rufus on her tail.

"DANIEL!" she yelled.

"No, that'll be enough," he held his hand out as he walked away.

"Dan?,...Dan?," his grandfather followed after him. "She'll come around. She's just stubborn and was caught off guard. There was a time when she wasn't fond of the idea of you," he chuckled but Dan didn't find it funny. "She's going to get over this. She's being dramatic," he squeezed his grandson's shoulders.

"Excuse me?" she overheard them. "This is not funny Jacob. I'm not going to just get over it. I do not agree with this. I do not think it was a good decision. I cannot believe you came to this conclusion without talking to anyone first. I'm not ever going to be okay with it," she said definitively.

"Well then I hope you understand that this will be the last time you'll be seeing me," he said calmly.

"Dan!" Jake continued after him.

"Let him go," Lucy crossed her arms.

When Dan found Blair and Rufus she was crying into her hands and Rufus was rubbing her back and trying to soothe her. She was mumbling something and Rufus was nodding gently and trying to get her to stop crying. "Blair, Blair,..." he pulled her into a hug. "Speaking from experience,...she'll get over it. She's being silly, she practically disowned me when I told her that Allison was pregnant. Blamed the devil music I listened to and played. Called us sinners,...," he laughed lightly. "If it helps at all,...i'm stoked," he said with a shrug and a smile. "Blair,...she's a nutjob. Always been this way. There was an actual time when she called Dan, 'the bastard child'," he laughed lightly. Blair looked up at her father in-law with big, sad eyes.

"Dan was fate," her lips twisted and tears rolled down her cheeks as she recalled Lucy's argument that they couldn't leave well-enough alone. "You didn't force a situation. You didn't play god..." her lip trembled.

"She picks and chooses what she wants to believe. She's a hypocrite and a phony..."

"She's your mother,"

"So?,...Blair I have never had a good relationship with that woman. The only reason I try and keep it together is for Dan and Jenny. And for my father who puts up with her," Rufus' words were meant to tell her that she had nothing to worry about but it didn't comfort her. When Rufus noticed Dan he stood up.

"Just ignore her," Rufus said simply to his son.

"No, i'm done. There's nothing for me here," he referred to the cottage as he walked over and pulled Blair into a hug. "You okay?"

"she's right!" she cried.

"Who? the grandmother from 'Flowers in the attic'?. Blair, she's crazy she's not right about anything,"

"I'm replacing him. And I don't want to replace him..._I love him_," she held so much pain in her face Dan's heart broke for her.

"We're not replacing him," he shook his head lightly with concern in his eyes. "We're continuing in pursuit of something we started a long time ago," he kissed her gently. "What we're doing is persevering because we're not quitters," she finally looked at him. "We're not replacing him,"

"Is she okay?" Jenny asked Dan when he walked back into the cottage to get their bags.

"She will be. Can you help me pack her bags?"

"Absolutely," she quickly opened the drawers and picked up piles of Blair's designer duds and gave them to Dan. "Oo!," she unfolded a blouse and held it out impressed with the fabric. Her finger-tips ran along the material a few times, then held it out again for inspection.

"Are you done?" Dan smirked. Jenny handed it over with an eye roll. They continued filling Blair's suitcase finally Jenny stopped and starred at Dan while he leaned over and zipped up Blair's largest, Louis Vuitton suitcase.

"What?" Dan smiled at Jenny as she starred at him wistfully.

"I'm so _excited_," she whispered feeling herself overcome with emotion. A soft sob caught in her throat.

"Jenn..." Dan stopped what he was doing and pulled her into a hug. "I'm glad you're not upset we didn't tell you sooner," he squeezed her tighter.

"Why would I be? I don't have to wait as long," she mumbled into his shoulder with a nearly sob-filled laugh then pulled away and wiped her eyes.

"A little under four months now," he smiled with an eyebrow raise.

"You're going to be an amazing dad," she swallowed still feeling emotional.

"I hope so..." he kissed her on the cheek. "You can come home with us you know. I'm not going to make you stay here,"

"It's okay. I don't want to leave Papa alone with her...,"

"Too bad they don't believe in divorce right?"

"If they did, they probably wouldn't have stayed together long enough to have dad..."

Dan chuckled, "I like to believe they were happily married once,"

"Dan, can you hear her screaming at him right now?,"

"Fair enough..."

"You're really not going to talk to Nana anymore?"

"I don't see why,"

"She's crazy but she's a good person and you know she'll change her mind when she sees the baby,"

"I just don't think I can forgive her for the way she treated Blair,"

Dan packed up their car and Blair waited patiently in the passenger seat, only taking off her seatbelt and getting out when Jenny came outside to say bye. "I'm so sorry," Jenny threw her arms around her.

"It's okay," she said softly with a weak grin as they pulled out of the warm hug.

"I'm so happy for you," she squeezed Blair's hands.

"..._I'm happy for me_," Blair shrugged then laughed.

Jenny threw her arms around her again.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

"Nic we need to talk," Dan said walking into her room. Blair climbed on to Nicky's bed but didn't dare look at her. She was already tearing up. "Don't look so afraid," Dan laughed at Nicky's apprehensive expression. She watched her dad closely; trying to read him.

"The last couple times you said 'we need to talk' you announced you were getting divorced and then after that my dog died so i'm sorry if the words; 'we need to talk' don't get me excited."

"We have to tell you something that we meant to tell you a long time ago..."

"Well, i'm not stupid. I remember what Nate said two minutes ago," she took a deep breath. "So either,...you're not my dad or I was an accident," she pressed her lips into a hard line trying to convince herself she was ready to hear the truth.

Blair's eyes lifted from the blanket wondering where that came from. Why on earth would she ever think she was an accident?

"Okay, I seriously want to know why you're so hung up on the 'accident' topic. What would it matter if you were a..._surprise?_ why would that matter?"

"Dan,.." Blair shook her head.

"I don't know," she played with the stuffed animals on her bed.

"What is it? You know we love you...why do you think you were unwanted? what gave you that idea?"

Blair sniffled still looking away.

"Well, I guess because..." she thought for a minute. "um..."

"Nicky,...I was an accident," Dan said with a shrug.

"You?" her doe eyes widened with wonder.

"Yeah. My mom and dad were only nineteen, and grandpa was still on the road with his band. They weren't married. They had been dating for less than a year...I wasn't even a surprise. I was an accident," Dan smiled at her. "and you know why that doesn't upset me?"

"Why?"

"Because even if they weren't ready, they're still my parents and it doesn't matter how I got here..." he kissed her on the nose. "_I'm here,_"

"Grandpa and Grandma are divorced...because they got married young, because of you.."

"That's not my issue. Do you think your mom and I got married because of you?" Dan said. "We were married long before you" he smiled.

"Nate just told me you took a patterny test," she frowned.

"Paternity," Blair corrected tucking her own hair behind her ears. "And yeah,..we did do that" she nodded lightly and looked over at Dan hoping he could continue.

"Why?" she asked. "why would you ever question who my dad is?" her eyes filled.

"umm,..." Dan wondered how he should go about this. Nicky sat up in her bed curious as to where this talk was headed.

**FLASHBACK**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"We had six, we just decided to try three and it just worked out," Blair explained to her mother-in-law.

"That's amazing. I can't believe you kept quiet about everything all this time," Alison said.

"We were really afraid to jinx ourselves. We were let down so many times,"

"So how is,..." she tried to recall the name. "Brianna, right?"

"Yes, she's good. She was pretty ill for the first trimester and I had to practically shove food down her throat ,"

"I remember that," Allison laughed.

"Dan made you sick?,"

"No, Jenny did!" Allison corrected. "Dan was the easiest pregnancy but worst birth," she gave him a glare.

"I don't know what you want me to say," he shrugged, "should I apologize?"

"Eighteen hours, breach, his heart rate dropped twice!, which is horrifying," she sighed. "Jenny was easy-peasy after nine months of illness,"

"We weren't trying to keep it a secret we just didn't want to bring anyone into it until we knew for sure,"

"I'm excited," she assured them.

Blair just smiled in her mother-in-law's direction. "Seriously, don't worry about your grandmother you know what she's like. She told me I was going to hell and called me a harlot. I still really believe she thinks I ruined Rufus single handedly,"

"Ruined?" Blair questioned.

"Oh she had high hopes for him. Christian rock band, maybe become a minister some day..."

"Oh dear,..."

"Yes so Dan coming around was all my fault,"

"You two hedonists..." Blair said playfully.

"Rufus was very sexy back then..."

"Mom,..."

"He was!"

"Mom!"

"Honey, it's the only reason you're here,"

"I'm going to go throw up now...,"

"Do you know the sex?" Alison asked.

"Blair is finding out tomorrow," Dan answered.

"You don't want to know?" she asked Dan.

"Nope,"

"You have to find out!"

"He's going to beg me tomorrow. I know it!"

The elevator door opened and Eleanor walked in. "Hello," Dan looked over in her direction.

"Hi darling," she walked over and gave him a peck on the cheek before engulfing her daughter in a hug. "Allison, how are you dear?"

"I'm excellent," she smiled warmly at her son before standing up. "I'm going to head out,"

"You don't have to,"

"I know," she whispered while hugging him.

"So there already is a baby?" Eleanor pressed her hands together.

"Yes," Blair bit her lip.

"How far along?"

"Bri is twenty five weeks along today," Blair bit her lip.

"Oh dear lord,..." she clutched her chest. "This is happening!"

"It is,"

"Oh," she sighed blissfully, "Ohhh," she hugged Blair. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Of course," Blair rolled her eyes.

**XOXOXOXOX**

Blair was confused at first when Dan brought her a cupcake to her desk. "Right here,..." he handed the box to her. "Right here I have the answer to your question,"

She could have jumped up and down with excitement that he finally gave in and let her find out the sex of their baby. "Don't tell me," he smirked. After eating the very pink cupcake she had a wicked urge to shop. How could she not? all she could imagine was the dresses and the fascinators.

Blair floated through the store looking at anything and everything. She stopped at some blankets and picked up a few extra soft ones to add to the collection. She looked around quickly before making her way to a rack of little dresses. She wanted to buy them all but pulled away feeling guilty. She might be giving away her secret if anyone she knew happened to be in the store. Or worse, what if Dan found the dresses? she would feel terrible.

"Can I help you with anything?" the employee asked with a sweet smile.

"I'm just picking up a few things" she showed her the basket full of blankets.

"For your baby?" she enquired seeing Blair had newborn pacifiers in her basket.

"Yes," Blair smiled happily.

"How far along are you?,...if you don't mind me asking," she looked thrilled for Blair.

"I'm actually,...umm" she never had to explain this to a stranger before. She moved her bag to show that she had no baby bump. "My baby is due in November," she then explained she had a surrogate. The woman's smile disappeared quickly after Blair explained she was waiting on her arrival from another woman.

"Oh that's lovely..." the woman smiled but Blair took it as either shame or sympathy. "How are you?" she greeted another woman who entered the store. Blair looked over to the customer who looked about ready to pop. "How long do you have?" the store employee giggled with the woman who engaged excitedly. Blair knew she was overreacting. She knew the woman didn't do anything wrong but she couldn't stay here any longer, she needed to leave. Her eyes pricked with tears, she set down her basket and quietly exited the store.

"You should have seen the pity in her face," Blair snuggled with Winston.

"It doesn't matter, Blair it doesn't matter how this happens." Dan said.

"I know." she nodded through her tears. "Still,..doesn't stop hurting"

"When you are holding our baby do you think you're going to be crying about how you didn't carry it?" he bent down in front of her.

"No,..."

"This is temporary"

"I know that. But right now..."

"What is it going to take for you to understand that none of this matters?"

Blair sat up straighter, "You know this is all easy for you to say because nothing really changing for you," her jaw was tight. Dan knew she was very serious. "You would be in the same situation if I was the pregnant one so it doesn't effect you like it affects me. I'm aware everyday that my baby is not with me like it should be. And I know what it feels like to carry a baby, so i'm sorry if i'm frustrating you but this doesn't feel normal to me. He was with me everyday and this baby is not," she rubbed her eyes. "I have to leave my baby with someone I hardly know, and I have to trust that she's taking care of that baby,"

Dan's head tilted to the side with understanding. "I'm sorry,"

"Don't be sorry, you're right. It shouldn't eat me up like it does but I just wish you would try to understand,..."

"No i'm sorry that this was taken away from you," he kissed her forehead. "It's not fair and i'm sorry," he pulled her into a hug. "Bri is taking amazing care of that baby,"

Blair had wicked anxiety. She hated that she had no control. She of course went over a strict regime with Brianna. A diet consisting of green leafy lettuces, probiotic yogurt, bran cereals and coconut water was implemented and Bri's vitamins were dispensed weekly by Blair herself. It was the only real way Blair could assure everything was going according to her plan. Dan eventually had to tell her to lighten up she then realized she was being too controlling to the woman that was literally and figuratively holding their future.

"So forget about the store for a minute," Dan said, "How was your cupcake?" he smirked leaning on the counter. Blair had been aggressive about her desire to know the sex of their baby and Dan gave in allowing her to find out just as long as she didn't tell him. With a small note from the ultrasound tech he headed to Blair's favourite bakery and made his request to have a single cupcake made with either a pink or blue center.

"...my cupcake was delicious," she bit her lip trying to keep neutral.

"You going to be able to keep that secret?"

"Yes, of course." she stuffed some packed up food into her bag and reminded him she had to go see Bri. "Did you want to come?,"

"I want to but I have to finish this proposal. It should only take a couple hours and then maybe we could go out for dinner?"

"Depends on how long I have to lecture Brianna for..." she huffed before walking to the elevator.

"Blair,...Blair, leave her alone," Dan got a hold of Blair's elbow before she could walk out the door. Blair's eyes reached Dan's which were pleading.

"I can't. She can't be trusted without my guidance! Heaven forbid she puts another hostess cupcake in her mouth again in the next four months," just the thought of this had her shudder.

"That's a little harsh don't you think?" Dan sighed knowing this was going to be a challenge. "I do recall a time when you had a hard time sticking to the regime..."

"That is why I have to be there to fill her until she's bursting with vegetation and vitamins,...she'll be so full she won't even want to look at sugar,"

"And again,..." Dan smacked his lips together. "You don't think you're being a controlling psycho?"

"No." she said simply in total Blair fashion. "We're paying decent money. I own her body right now, that includes what she eats," she smiled easily.

"Blair,..."

"Daaannn,..." she sang. "she's a vessel, a vessel that we have paid thousands of dollars to rent," her eyes blink widely while she speaks fast.

"She's a human being that is doing us an_ enormous_ favor" his eyebrows raised.

"FAVORS ARE FREE!" she said sharply, her eyes growing. "I can't stand here with you. I have to go." she collected her bags.

"Please be nice," his head titled to the side.

"I,..." she took a deep breath and let her shoulders fall.

"Blair, be nice. For me, please be nice,"

"I will be," she smiled assuring him.

"Promise?"

"a_hk_...yes" she whined softly before pressing her lips to his.

"Mmm," he pulled her in for a better kiss.

"I have to go," her nose rested against his, as his hands took hold of her waist.

"No you don't,..." he smiled against her lips.

"I have to go see our baby," she spoke softly, her eyes met up with his and their eyelashes touched.

"Well that sounds amazing,"

"mmhmm," she grinned and kissed him one last time before heading out nearly falling over with the amount of heavy grocery bags slung over her shoulders.

When Blair showed up she greeted Bri by pulling a cover off her lunch, then placing her vitamins on the table for her. "Thanks..." Bri looked over at her husband with mock enthusiasm. "Chris and I were just..."

"I brought you more Fiji water, I would rather you stop drinking from the tap, just to be on the safe side" Blair handed her a fork then waited for her to eat. Bri began eating, she wasn't a picky eater so whatever Blair brought was always very appetizing, she just found it very strange that Blair had so much control over the situation in every aspect. "How's your morning sickness? is it gone all together?" she rested her hand on the table.

"I haven't been sick in two weeks..."

"I was just making sure" she flashed a bright smile while resting her head in her hand, eyes glued to Bri's meal.

"Before you got here,..." Brianna swallowed. "Chris and I were just..." she smiled and rubbed her stomach.

"Eat more of this," Blair pointed at the salad then went back to resting her chin in her palm. "The folic acid in that is so necessary for brain development," she smiled brightly, her eyes danced around the plate and made sure every last bite was consumed. "Dan and I were both taking it for weeks before retrieval but you should continue,...I mean just in case. It's not like I was worried. I have prize winning eggs and Dan has like Olympic Michael Phelps swimmers,..." Chris choked on his coffee. "I'm not kidding!, like extra long tails or something. Too much information? sorry," she made a face. "I just want you to make sure you keep taking it,"

"Mhmm," Bri kept eating. Chris watched his wife with sympathy for her. Blair controlling her was starting to get on his nerves.

"Blair," Bri said once she was done eating. "Before you got here,..._the baby was kicking_," Blair's jaw dropped.

"Why didn't you tell me this sooner?" she asked. "For the first time?" her voice turned into something shrill and baby-like.

"Yes," Bri smiled with how utterly ecstatic Blair looked.

"...still moving now?" she asked as she made her way over to the other side of the table.

"I can probably get the baby to move for you," she smiled and gently pushed on her side. "here," she took Blair's tiny hand in hers and rested it on the bump that was no more than five months along. Blair's face lit up in an instant when she finally felt her baby move. It was the most surreal and amazing moment in her life at this point.

"Wow..." a tear slid down her cheek as her hand was kicked with force. "What does it feel like?" she asked desperately wanting to know while she wiped the tear away. "how does that feel?" she persisted before Bri could even begin to answer.

"I can't explain it. It feels like nothing else," Bri laughed as the baby continued to move around.

"I have to call Dan," she pulled out her phone, dialed then held it to her ear.

"We'll go over the labour when I get off the phone. We've already talked about the amount of sugar you're taking in, I need you to stop with that sugar!"

"It's okay i've actually been using Splenda,"

"Oh god no!" Blair looked mortified as her head snapped up from her cell-phone. "please don't expose my baby to aspartame" The word _please_ was only implemented because Dan asked her to be nice.

"Oh,.." Bri felt like she was attacked by Blair's words and then sudden lecture on the harmful effects of sugar substitutes and then offensively told her that she might as well drink gasoline and single malt scotch if she was willing to put aspartame in the body that was growing HER baby. A single tear rolled down Bri's cheek, she caught it quickly so Blair hadn't noticed.

"I'm sorry," she smiled concealing her emotions. "I won't eat anything unless you bring it for me" she said in a small voice.

"That's very assuring" Blair smiled down at her cellphone still texting Dan. "because those sugar substitutes,..." she thought for a moment. "I'd almost rather you smoke a pack of cigarettes..."

"Okay,...Blair I want to do this right for you,...I don't want to harm your baby in any way"

"I know. But if you keep eating that poison there's no telling...," she stopped talking and smiled into her cellphone. "Guess what i'm doing right now?" she asked Dan who picked up on the other end. "Oh_ just_ feeling our baby kick. It's amazing" she hung up with Dan who was on his way over.

"I have all your vitamins separated and colour coated, do not forget to take them. We don't want a repeat of last week do we?"

"No," Bri shook her head.

"Hello, hello," Dan walked in not more than fifteen minutes later.

"Sit here!" Blair pulled on his hand.

"Dan,..." Chris called Dan over after he felt the baby kick in as much awe as Blair. "Can I talk to you for a moment?" Dan was weary of what he needed to talk about and stood reluctantly.

"Yyyeah,.._.sure,_" Dan shoved his hands in his pockets and followed Chris who closed french doors behind them. "I just brought you in here because,...well" he took a deep breath and began. "Bri does this because she loves helping people. She's giving you a huge gift and all your wife ever does is make her feel bad about herself," Dan's sighed lightly feeling terrible.

"I know your wife thinks the amount of money she handed over gives her the right to basically run Bri's life right now but,...There aren't many surrogates that are willing to do what Bri is willing to do." Dan's eyes narrowed wondering where he was going with this. "She's been doing this for years and don't get me wrong, there are always women who have certain requests. Little things like putting headphones on her stomach to expose the baby to music, things like that. One woman was a vegetarian and Bri gave up meat for those people at their request. She's done this five times now and everyone always has a request but your wife is by far the most demanding mother we've ever dealt with." Dan gulped feeling terrible. "She's not allowed pain medication during delivery, okay, Bri can handle it, she's done it before with our son even...she can handle the vitamins and the regime that your wife has set out for her, she doesn't need constant surveillance, she doesn't need someone telling her how to handle every moment of every day,...she pretends that she can handle it all but she's my wife and I know when she's upset,.."

"No, of course," Dan nodded wondering how he was going to sit Blair down to talk about this.

"we just,...we don't need some rich _kids_ telling us that we're doing everything wrong," it was like a punch in the stomach for Dan. "we've done just fine every other time."

"I don't know what to say,..." Dan sighed. Dan suddenly wondered if he was so far gone with Blair that his morals had floated away when he traded in a loft for a UES deluxe apartment. "I'm sorry, she's...she's always been like that. she has always micro managed her life to the finest of details and this is one of those things she..." he let out a huff of a laugh.

"If she wanted to make all these decisions she should have chose to carry her own baby," Dan didn't like what Chris was insinuating. Infact, he hated that Chris assumed Blair was just another rich girl who didn't want to go through the body changes, the weight gain and the birth. Blair wanted so desperately to feel her baby move inside her but that wasn't an option.

"We can't," Dan said simply; sternly explaining that he was completely off base. "We wouldn't be doing this if we didn't have to," Dan assured him. "Chris, i'm really sorry for the way Blair has been treating Bri and I will do everything in my power to change that but Blair,..."

"What are you going to do? give her a horse tranquilizer? that woman in there is like a hummingbird. She's controlling, she's obsessive and more than anything she's cruel. I don't know who she thinks she is but I..."

"that woman's name is _Blair_,..." Dan annunciated carefully, not feeling exceptionally polite anymore. "she has been through a hell of a lot in the last year and you can't blame her for wanting to feel a little control. She had all these plans for how her pregnancies were going to progress and she's had to give up all those ideas and plans. She had a miscarriage and then we lost our son at 22 weeks," she had to have an emergency hysterectomy to save her life. We can't do this on our own, we need Bri,"

Chris's eyes became softer now with sympathy. "I'm sorry," he apologized for his harsh words. "I didn't know any of..." Dan interrupted him.

"We're not exactly in a state right now where we're comfortable telling the ordeal to everyone," he pressed his lips together. "All I'm asking for,..." Dan could hear Blair laughing in the dining-room with Bri. "I just want a little respect for my wife the same you want for your wife...okay?. Let's meet on common ground. Let Bri eat the damn cupcakes, Blair doesn't need to know" he smiled and held his hand out for a shake.

"Blair?" Dan emerged from the office. "You wanna go get dinner?"

"You can go ahead without me..."

"I want you to come with me. I think Bri and Will have this. Let's go on a date," he bent down in front of her chair and looked up at her sweetly.

"A date?" she looked at him and then back at Bri who was experiencing a ton of action in her belly at the moment.

"Yes, let's go for dinner and then maybe film forum?" Dan grabbed her hand.

"...That sounds nice" her chin tilted towards him but he could see she was still torn as her eyes floated back to Bri.

"Hey,..." he stroked her hand. "She'll be here tomorrow," he smirked. "Let's go!" he said with enthusiasm.

"If you need anything, call me okay?" Blair smiled warmly at Bri. She rested her hands on the tummy one last time and spoke to her baby. "I love you" she held her hands there and closed her eyes.

Blair sat in the passenger seat, starring out the window thoughtfully. "I never got to feel a kick. Connor,...he never kicked," she said quietly. "The doctor said he was lazy," she made a light sound of amusement. "Imagine that,...our baby being lazy," she scoffed. "But this one,...well this baby is restless," her voice was easy. "_But I can't feel it_," she said under her breath. Dan swallowed as quietly as possible when he heard her sniffle.

"Did you buy any baby stuff today?" Dan wanted to change the subject before Blair got more worked up. Blair's face twisted up and Dan knew she was crying. He didn't take his eyes off the road, instead he laid his arm across the vehicle so his hand rested in her lap. As if on cue she linked her fingers with his.

"I imagine there's a closet somewhere bursting with onesies and little shoes!," Dan said with enthusiasm. Blair could see he was overcompensating with his big smile, his eyes were red around the rims.

"No," she said simply, still starring out the window.

After a beat of silence Dan spoke. "People that don't _have_ to use surrogates, use surrogates.." he said not taking his eyes off the road.

"What's your point?" she shook her head.

"My point is, let's not act like this is something we should be ashamed of. Let's act like this is the ideal situation"

"But it's not"

"Oh, but it is," he begged to differ. "We can do anything we want right now. You're not dealing with hormone changes, discomfort, painful and scary things, or all the restrictions that go along with pregnancy..."

"But I wanted..." her bottom lip twitched.

"I know," he said softly giving her knee squeeze. "But think about it. We're in a great position, in a few months we're going to have a baby and none of this matters"

"I know that, it's just..."

"It's ideal," Dan smiled warmly. "Sooo,...Let's go get drunk, find a hot tub and eat shell-fish," Blair giggled at his suggestion. "... and jump on a trampoline and... and...," he smiled looking over at Blair who looked really happy. "eat soft cheeses?"

"Oh!" she giggled. "soft cheeses," she giggled.

"smoke?" he suggested with a cheeky grin.

"Nice try..." she gave him a push.

"Ok fine..." he said defeated. "Paint our apartment..."

"Paint our apartment? why would we do that?"

"Probably should convert Nate's room into a nursery now,..."

"I wouldn't be painting anyway and why would we paint anything in our apartment?"

"Well don't you want to paint the room accordingly?,"

"No, I think the grey works just fine. We'll add accents of blue or pink,"

"and I thought you wanted to avoid forced gender norms," Dan laughed. Blair rolled her eyes.

"Okay! well you can dye your hair. I know you mentioned that on your DO NOT list for Bri"

"Why do I need to dye my hair?"

"I thought you might wanna touch up the grey,"

"What!"

"I'm just messing with you. Let's buy Bri some,...organic, calcium _enriched_ cupcakes"

"Okay!" she clapped her hands together and Dan wondered if such a thing existed.

The night ran so smoothly and wonderfully it felt like they were just starting to date again. They picked a five star hotel at random, their only request was that it had a whirlpool jet tub in the room and that there were soft cheeses on the room service menu.

"Tell me, I wanna know," Dan said in a slight drunken slur as he put his glass of wine down on the side of the hot tub.

"Nope. You'll be mad if I tell you," she spoke into her full glass.

"Tell me!"

"Humphrey, I am not telling you," she shook her head.

"If I guess right will you tell me?"

"That only works when your odds aren't one out of two," she laughed.

"There's gotta be a hint in the nursery," he took a gulp of his champagne.

"Nope. I already told you. We're not buying anything gender specific until the baby is born,"

"Which means we have nothing and aren't prepared...I know how much you hate being underprepared..." he goosed her as he moved closer.

"We have the necessities. Besides in the first three days we don't need too much. I have all the basics. We can get the colored bedding and shop for clothes once Hhhsh..." Blair's mouth spread wide. "the baby is born,..."

"You almost slipped," Dan laughed.

"Almost but I didnt..."

"You said hish...,Which is a hybrid of _he_ and _she_ so..., hmm how can I decode this? Is it a boy?"

"A boy or a girl..."

"Okay tell me,"

"No!, i'm not telling you!"

"I'll figure it out"

"On November 10th you'll find out...yes"

"I can't wait that long" he kissed her damp shoulder.

"I'll ask Bri.."

"Doesn't know," Blair laughed. Dan smiled and grabbed his robe.

"I like these. I'm taking them with us tomorrow," Dan checked them out in the mirror in matching white robes.

"We can buy better ones, trust me,"

"That takes the fun out of stealing..."

"It's not stealing when they just charge your credit card when they realize they're missing...AND my god, what is it with you and stealing..."

"What?" Dan laughed out loud.

"That bottle of champagne at grad and now you want to take robes..."

"Because I stole a bottle of champagne over five years ago?" he laughed.

"If the ratty loafer fits," Blair shrugged.

"You're horrible,"

"It's what you love about me,"

"On top of many other things, yes." he agreed.

Blair tried to gracefully walk over to the bed and accidentally kicked her wine glass over causing it to shatter into a million pieces. "OOps!" she shocked herself and frowned.

"Oh you're going to make a fantastic mother drunky. Don't move," he padded over to the carpet and picked Blair up off the floor and gently tossed her on to the bed so he could clean up the glass.

"What if I'm a terrible mother?" she curled up, bringing her knees towards her chest as Dan tried his best to pick up the little pieces of glass without cutting himself.

"That's impossible," he stood and inspected the floor for any shard that reflected. He threw a towel on the floor.

"It's not. I could be awful. I could ruin our child's life,"

"I won't let you," he climbed on to the bed and spooned with her, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I was just kidding, you know that,"

"No. I know. I just worry sometimes. I can't believe we're going to have a baby in less than four months," she linked her hand with his. Dan brought it up to his lips and kissed it.

"It's too weird for me to even think about," Dan admitted. "I think this party lost it's energy," he watched Blair yawn.

"You're right. It's only ten thirty!" she turned to face him. "We should go to a concert or...umm..." she watched as Dan opened her robe. "Or we could go for a walk..." she smiled watching his hands still pull at the tie.

"Hey..." she pulled away from him. "If we do that we'll just fall asleep before midnight,"

"So? we can do whatever we want," he grabbed hold of her hip and pulled her close.

"Let's order another bottle of Dom," she said.

"Done and Done," Dan went straight for the phone.

Twenty minutes later they were laying in bed, holding their champagne flutes out and making a toast. "To our baby girl or baby boy,"

"Cheers!"

"Tell me something I don't know about you,"

"You know everything," Blair groaned and tilted her chin to the ceiling.

"No c'mon, there's gotta be something,"

"My childhood dream was to marry prince charming,"

"...and did you?" a goofy but cocky smile played on his lips.

"I suppose, but in my childhood dreams he was modest..." she chuckled as she grabbed a hold of his chin and pressed her lips gently against his.

**XOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

Blair cleared her throat and took a gentle hold of Nicky's elbow. "When daddy and I wanted to have you,..." her thumb glided over Nicky's arm gently. "I couldn't have a baby," she gulped. "I had a surgery that wouldn't let me have a baby so we found someone else to do that for us."

"How?" Nicky's eyes were wide with wonder. "How is that possible?" she didn't look as scared now, just curious.

"Well the doctor takes a part of mommy and a part of daddy..." Blair explained very vaguely.

"Egg and sperm?"

"Exactly,...good job" Blair nodded. "and then you grew inside a lovely woman named Brianna."

"but,...she's not my mom?" she looked troubled and kind of confused.

"No baby," Blair smiled. "You know how when you were in second grade and came home with those sunflower seedlings? remember how we had to move them to a bigger pot so they could grow safely? that's exactly what we did with you," she smiled.

"You grew me in a flower pot?"

"No," Dan laughed at the mental image she gave him. It was even funnier that they had an Anne Geddes style photo of her in an actual flower pot when she was six months old.

"Mommy is your mommy and Daddy is your daddy. The doctor grew you in a dish," Blair started to wonder why she didn't already tell her this, it was easy.

"A DISH?" Nicky giggled.

"YES!" Blair smiled brightly. "a little petree dish," she pressed on her daughter's dimples.

"That's weird"

"Yeah, but it's cool" Dan smiled. "right? isn't it pretty cool?"

"Yeah...," she smiled a little unsure.

"You and two other little embryos were put in Brianna and you were the only one that hung on,"

"Oh." she seemed a little confused and maybe uncomfortable now. "Why did you have to do that?" she asked thoughtfully. "Why did you have a surgery?"

Blair's heart sunk in her chest, this is why she didn't want to tell her. There wasn't a person on this earth Blair could talk to about this without getting overly emotional. She never wanted her daughter to see her this vulnerable. This was the tough part. Dan looked over at Blair to see if she wanted to get into it tonight. He knew this was the biggest reason she didn't want to tell Nicky. She didn't want to answer the questions.

"Mommy,..._isn't a safe place to grow babies,..umm actually...I can't grow them, not anymore_" Blair's words made Dan swallow. A wave floated over her and she pressed her lips together tightly. Dan looked down at the blankets underneath him, he wanted her to be able to have a moment without eyes on her.

"why not?" Nicky asked. Dan always loved Nicky's crave for details, her insatiable need to know facts but right now he felt terrible that she had so many questions for Blair.

"_um well_,..." Blair whispered, looking up at the ceiling she attempted to summon some courage.

"You know what?" Dan reached over and grabbed Nicky's hand. "Mommy is really tired so maybe i'll tell you some other time," he looked over at her. "Blair,..." Dan looked at her and without saying actual words he asked if she wanted him to continue.

"I _had an accident_..."

Nicky's eyes were wide and worried. "An accident?..."

"...umm,..." Blair shook her head and explained that Nicky was too young to know what happened in that accident; what procedure she had to endure after she lost a baby in that accident. Dan stopped talking though he wished she had continued. Suddenly Blair grabbed for Nicky's hands and he knew she was going to tell her.

"I,...Daddy and I were,..." she took a deep breath. These scars ran deep, even now the wounds opened and exposed themselves raw from time to time. "The baby that we lost,...his name was Connor," Nicky's eyes widened with this new information. "We just found out he was boy two weeks before...I had my accident"

"What kind of accident?" she frowned.

"I fell," she inhaled through her nose. "I fell down some stairs,"

"How? how did you fall?"

"It doesn't matter sweetie,...I fell" she squeezed Nicky's hand. "and they had to take him out,"

"and he wasn't ready to come out?"

"No,"

"And we still wanted to have a baby. So we did everything we could and eventually we got stuck with you," Dan nudged her,

"You must have_ really_ wanted me," she said with some satisfaction.

"Yes" Blair smiled. "You were worth everything we had to go through, worth the wait, worth the money..."

"You paid for me?" Nicky laughed.

"You were like a high end designer purse ordered months in advance," Dan chuckled.

"That's what Nate used to call you..." Blair rolled her eyes. "designer baby on order..." she laughed.

Nicky laughed appreciating all the little stories her parents had about her start. "and we both went to an ultrasound with Bri and the first time we heard your heartbeat... the doctor said you were perfect and we both cried,"

"Daddy cried?" she looked shocked.

"Noooo," he shook his head. Nicky looked over at her mom who nodded with a smile; giving away his secret.

"Every year I send Brianna flowers and a school picture of you for your birthday as a thank-you."

"I still don't understand why you took a test to see if he was my dad,"

Dan laughed. "Well, your mom is crazy,"

"I admit it wasn't my sanest of moments. You just looked so much like me and I wanted to make sure with no shadow of a doubt that daddy was your real daddy and the doctors didn't make any mistakes"

**XOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

"Why aren't you more nervous?" Blair crossed her arms.

"I think you're nervous enough for both of us" Dan laughed.

As the woman in the room took a swab sample from Dan's cheek Blair stared at him as if he was having blood drawn, concerned and sympathetic. "Blair, you've got to be kidding me, calm down," his eyes widened.

"What if?"

"What if what?" he smirked teasing with her.

"What if they made a mistake and she isn't,...?"

"Well isn't that obvious? We're going to have to send her back,"

"Dan,..."

"What?" he laughed again. "See? it makes no sense for you to get worked up. We're keeping her regardless,"

"So you admit it"

"Admit what?"

"That she might not be,..."

"NO!, that's not what i'm saying. Blair we have the same blood type..."

"Could be a coincidence..."

"She has my exact blood type and has curly hair. I hate to unveil your secret but I know those luscious locks of yours are all curling irons and hair spray,"

"Her hair is just slightly curly! and do you know how many other men in the world have curly hair?"

"No enlighten me,"

"Well I don't know the exact statistic but i know it's a lot!" she huffed. "Think positive thoughts with me"

"Are you kidding me?" he rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry, what is riding on this exactly? are we going to have to forfeit her? I don't understand your concern,"

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

"ahhh,...look what came in the mail," Dan practically pushed the envelope into Blair's face. "I have no idea what this is going to say,...I'm on eggshells" he said with thick sarcasm. "My hands are sweating..." he said as he took a seat beside Nicky's highchair.

"Just open it jackass," Blair groaned.

"Oh,... look at that..." his shoulders fell and he rested his hand on his forehead. "Oh wow..." he rubbed his forehead.

"Dan,.." Blair swallowed.

"Well,...I guess we have to keep her...99.9 percent. PHEW!"

"Shut up"

"We should frame this!"

"Stop..."

"I want to put it on the mantle, I've always wanted a paternity test on my mantle,...think about it! what a conversation piece!"

"Stop..."

"Thanks for coming, by the way,...have you seen our paternity test?, it's right over here,"

"Dan,..."

"Am I supposed to jump around and yell 'in your face' or something?...like on Maury?"

"Good news baby girl. I'm your dad! phew right?" Nicky giggled and Dan smiled delighted.

"Phew!" she giggled again. "PHEW!" he would repeat anything if she'd keep laughing.

"good news your father is a bumbling idiot!" Blair groaned.

"Come here," Dan pulled on her hand and kissed her.

"Are you haaaappy?" he sung, patronizing her.

"..Right now i'd rather any other man be her father,"

"Oh no. Mummy's mad," Dan pulled Blair back and she fell into his lap. "Are you happy?" he asked again.

"Yes," she kissed him.

**XOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

"He's my dad? you're sure?"

"well,..." Dan shrugged. "Ninety nine, point nine percent sure," he winked at her.

So there's still a chance i'm not.."

"No baby you are," Blair smiled with a soft laugh.

"Can you call Nate and tell him that his joke was funny and he shouldn't have been sent away?"

Dan and Blair both laughed, it wasn't nearly as hard as Blair thought it would be. It was nice that she knew, a weight lifted off her shoulders.

"Go to sleep love," Blair kissed her cheek and hugged her tightly.

Dan and Blair walked out of Nicky's bedroom and he laughed, "Well that wasn't so hard was it?" Blair walked up ahead of him and froze, her head hung in front of her, then she placed her hand on the wall to stabilize herself.

"Oh,.." he walked towards her to engulf her in a hug. He didn't care to ask her if she wanted to be hugged he just wanted to comfort her for a moment. His sweater was soft and she clung to it, burying her face into the collar. her hands fanned out over his chest and she bawled soaking his shoulder. "It's okay,"

Blair shook her head over and over, "Why,...why can't I let this go?" she asked. Dan squeezed her tighter."You know,...I wish I had a picture of him. I can't even remember what he looked like," she sniffed.

"You said you didn't want pictures," he said softly, reminding her.

"I know," she sniffed then wiped her eyes. "I really wish I didn't," she pressed her lips together.

"C'mon let's go to bed,"

"I'm not going to be able to sleep," she wiped her eyes.

"I'm going to get you some tea, you want a cup of tea?" he rubbed her shoulder. Blair nodded gently and took a deep breath mustering up some composure. Dan put on the kettle then leaned against the counter, when he returned to Blair she was holding a tissue against her eyes and clearly trying to calm herself down.

"I hope you're not mad," he sat down beside her, Blair opened her eyes to see a worn copy of "The Wind and the Willows" in Dan's hands. It was first edition and suddenly had a revelation why all these years Dan never put it on Nicky's bookshelf; this was _his_ copy for a reason. Carefully she took the book from his hands, her fingertips grazed the cover gently before she lifted it and held it against her chest. She closed her teary eyes then smiled up at Dan.

"I never wanted to disrespect your wishes but,..."

"I wasn't my call to make. He's yours too," she starred at the cover a little longer.

"I'm scared," she said.

"Nothing to be scared of," he smiled while gently opening the hardcover.

When she found the first picture she inhaled, flooded by memories. He was just as precious and beautiful as she remembered. "Look how small," she sniffed then flipped to the next photo. He was scrumptious, his tiny nose she once eskimo kissed, his little hands she held for days.

"Look at this one," Dan tried to flip through a few pages but Blair stopped him, "Wait," she took hold of his wrist and stopped him from flipping. It wasn't a picture of Connor, it was a picture of Dan against the horrible, white hospital wall. He was a boy. When she saw an image of herself in profile she sniffed, "I don't think i've ever looked so focused," she starred at the image of herself placing little booties on her baby.

"I remember they tried to put a pink hat on him and if looks could kill,..." Dan laughed.

"God, he was so cute,"


	36. Isn't she Lovely

**A/N: **Thank-you so so so much. You're all incredible and I appreciate each and every one of you that continues to read. I know i'm not giving this 100% anymore but i've always wanted to at least give this fic some closure. I'll continue until it's done but I can't guarantee these last couple chapters will be of quality. I just don't have the time to focus on it anymore. I love to write but this fic has been going on much too long. I never wanted it to end up like this but it is what it is. Thank-you again :)

**ISN'T SHE LOVELY**

**FROM: THE FIGHTING TEMPTATIONS**

**BY: STEVIE WONDER**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**PRESENT**

"Give me a boost!" Blair demanded.

"No!" Nate crossed his arms.

"I've searched everywhere else, this is the only place I haven't looked," she whined.

"My mom is expecting me at a family dinner tonight. I'm going to tell her about Nina so i'm a little freaked out,"

"Anne will be thrilled," Blair said with a scoff.

"How do I say it though?"

"Just say you're having a baby and then fill in the details after she jumps up and down in celebration,"

"I don't know. I don't know," he ran his hand through his hair.

"Help?" her head tilted innocently.

"Like I said before, I'm not assisting you in your plight of crazy," he shook his head. "I've been worried about your mental health ever since you forced Dan to go to that first meeting in LA,"

"Nate, he needs to get it out of his system. He needs to explore this or he'll always wonder if he passed up the greatest opportunity in his career," she explained, eyes still on the top shelf of the closet.

"You mean, you'll always wonder?" Nate smirked.

"That too," she mumbled. "Is it so bad?" she asked rhetorically. "I need the closure and so does he,"

"I just hope it all works out, truly," he grabbed his jacket and began to put it on, Blair grabbed hold of the spare sleeve.

"One boost and you can go!" she smiled big.

Nate sighed and crouched down with his right hand laying in his left palm. Blair lifted her foot but Nate yelled.

"I don't think so!" he pulled away from her five inch stiletto.

"I need the extra height," she whined.

"Give me a break," he shook his head.

"Fine!" she kicked her shoes off and stepped on to his hand. He raised her up a little and she rested her elbows on the shelf. Her eyes zeroed in on exactly what she was looking for.

"Bingo!" she clawed the little blue box towards her and popped it off the shelf.

"He's going to know you found it,"

"Does it look like I care?," Nate lowered her back down and laughed.

"Don't tell him I helped you,"

"And give you credit? of course not," she clicked the box open and was silenced.

"What?, they're not in there?"

Blair blinked rapidly, "These are new," she looked up at Nate with big curious eyes. "He got the matching set," she rested her hand over her heart, trying to calm her excitement.

"Okay, now you really can't tell him I helped,"

Blair lifted the engagement ring and wedding band out of the box and carefully placed them on her finger. "I thought he had to ask you first," he chuckled.

"I'll take them off when he gets here," a devious smile spread across her face, she snapped the box between her fingers and trotted down the hall.

"Yeah and if you forget, I had nothing to do with it!" he pointed. "He gets in tomorrow right?"

"Yes," she didn't take her eyes of the diamond.

"Wanna do dinner or something?"

"Nate, I haven't seen him in two weeks," she sighed. "Nicky is going to my moms tomorrow night and we aren't leaving the bedroom,"

"That's uh,...too much information,"

**XOXOXOXOX**

**FLASHBACK**

"are we planning this shower or what?" Eleanor walked in.

"Ugh," Blair groaned. "Can we do it tomorrow?" she laid so she was spooning with Dan.

"I thought we were going to go through the details today," Eleanor began pulling his glasses out of her bag.

"We were. We had a long day. I don't feel like it now,"

"Are we going to do the gender reveal with balloons?" she continued.

"No!" Dan said. "I don't want to know," he said seriously.

"You're being ridiculous," Eleanor said.

"Blair, don't you want to know, dear?"

"She does know," Dan laughed.

Eleanor's face lit up.

"She's not telling you," Dan shook his head.

"And why not?"

"Because if she tells you, you'll tell Cyrus and Cyrus will tell someone. Probably my dad and he can't keep a secret for the life of him so i'll find out eventually and that's what i'm trying to avoid,"

"You two are just impossible,"

"Oh eww,..." Dan ran his hand up Blair's leg.

"Stop!"

"How long has it been since you shaved?, you're leg feels like a wooly mammoth," he continued to push his hand up her pant leg.

"It's only been two days!" she said, "stop it!" she pulled from him.

"That is not only two days!" he begged to differ.

"I didn't have time today!"

"Well why didn't you have time all week?" he laughed.

"Daniel!" she tried to kick him away.

"It's like a teddy bear," he ran his hand up her leg over and over.

"I'm going to kill you! Let go!" she tried kicking him.

"I like it. Nice and natural," he teased her, still stroking her leg as she strained to get away from him.

"Uh stop..." she whined.

"_Uh stop_..." Dan mimicked her and Blair couldn't help but laugh.

"Was that supposed to be me? that sounded nothing like me,"

"If you could only hear what you sound like, it's probably more annoying than that," he explained, "Uh Daniel stoooppp!" he continued to mimic her.

"Let go!" she laughed. "You're going to give me a leg cramp!"

"No i'm probably going to start a fire," he deadpanned.

"STOP IT!" she was crying with laughter.

"A fire in your pants..."

"Daniel my mother is sitting here!" she teased.

"The two of you are absolutely ridiculous," Eleanor pushed her glasses up further on her nose and looked down at her list. She tried to fight off a smile when she noticed they were now kissing.

"You're so cuuute," Dan said in a taunting voice as he kissed her cheek.

"Shut up," she kissed him on the lips.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

Blair had outdone herself again. The apartment was covered with balloons and silver trays of bite size food and desserts. She chose a sophisticated black and white colour scheme which worked well since no one but herself knew the sex of the baby. Soon the apartment was filled with friends, family and coworkers. Blair was busy in the kitchen making sure Dorota and the caterers were doing everything to her standards when Dan arrived with Bri.

This had been a very extravagant shower and she wasn't sure how to act around such people. She looked down at her dress and worried it wasn't fancy enough.

"Bri!" Blair rushed over and gave her a hug. "Come with me!" she led her into the bed-room and revealed three dresses. "Which ever one you like the best," Blair explained.

"Oh I don't think i'll ever be able to decide. They're all so beautiful,"

"Well just pick the one you like the best right this moment because the other two are yours," Blair smiled.

"Oh I couldn't possibly,..."

"You can and you will," Blair insisted. "I want you to have them,"

"Blair this is Stella McCartney,.."

"So?" Blair said simply.

Blair gave Bri some privacy and as soon as she was dressed she exited the bedroom only to be bombarded with questions.

"How are you feeling, dear?" One of Eleanor's friends rubbed Brianna's arm.

"Oh I'm great," she smiled uncomfortably.

"Is it weird?," a girl asked Brianna before she barely made her way into the living-room.

"is what weird?" she asked politely.

"I mean the moment when the child is born and you give it to someone else after you carried it for so long?"

"It must be weird!" another chimed in.

"I don't think I could do that," another stated.

"Well, It's not my baby," Bri smiled uncomfortably.

"Brianna, you can sit right here," Eleanor gestured to the chair after she noticed she had been standing for quite some time. Random strangers touching her belly and giving their well wishes. Blair watched from afar, her line of vision obscured by balloons. Nina grabbed Blair by the arm and told her to sit down and start opening the mountain of presents. Blair smiled at her guests and took her seat beside Bri before someone shoved a present in her face.

"You're carrying up high, what does that mean?" one of the women asked.

"I think that means it's a girl, right?"

"No that means it's a boy," another stated.

"Blair open this one," another gift was shoved into her hands.

"Oh thank-you," she bared her teeth and ripped at the paper. Once she had revealed the soft, white onesies Celina from Blair's office started laying them across Bri's stomach. Blair looked over and placed a wrapped gift back on the floor in front of her. "Bri , can you take over? i'm just going to get a drink?"

"Are you sure? We can just wait,"

"No, no, keep it going,"

There was no one but staff in the kitchen, Blair took a seat at the island and poured herself a glass of champagne.

"Shouldn't you be hand-cuffed to a chair right about now?" Dan said when he found her sitting by herself.

"You know the good thing about not being pregnant at your own shower? you can drink!" she showed him the glass of champagne in her hand.

"Blair,..." he rolled his eyes. "What's going on?"

"It's just weird,.." she said dismissively, pulling from him and getting out of her seat.

"Why is it weird? people came here to shower with you with presents, thus the title,"

"I just don't want to do it anymore, ok?" she sighed. "Can you give Bri her present? I want to lay down,"

Bri had finally finished opening the presents feeling like it was her duty since Blair had walked off and everyone kept handing them to her. She could finally relax and just enjoy Dan and Blair's baby kicking her in the ribs.

"This one is for you," Dan brought it up to her.

"For,...me?" she looked confused.

"Yes," he smiled.

Brianna reluctantly opened the box. When she pushed back the wrapping paper she gasped. "Oh wow,..." She was at a loss for words when she saw the Birkin bag. "This is,...wow. This is too much," she shook her head.

Dan titled his head to the side and raised his eyebrows before rolling his eyes and chuckling. Brianna was much too modest.

"Is it though?" he smirked looking at her bump.

"Really, i'm uncomfortable. The watch, the massages, the facials, manicures, pedicures, the dress!...i'm very uncomfortable and I don't know I can accept all of this,"

"Bri, you're growing our baby, we are forever in your debt," Dan laughed.

"That's not true..." she shook her head.

"Accept the gifts. We would be the ones feeling much more uncomfortable if you didn't accept them," he explained.

"Thank-you," she said genuinely.

"Do you want something to drink?" he asked.

Blair looked over to see Dan in deep conversation with Brianna. He was smiling at some story she was telling him. Blair felt a twinge of jealousy when Dan brought her another drink and sat right back in his seat beside her. It was like it was where he belonged. Suddenly Bri made a funny face and Dan's hands were pressing on her belly in an effort to feel the baby. He laughed when he was sure he found a foot and tickled her side gently. "That's crazy..." he commented. Blair crossed her arms. "Right here," Bri held Dan's hand tight against her side and he laughed. "Hello," he said in a sweet voice.

Blair began ripping down decorations and popping balloons, "What on earth are you doing?" Eleanor asked.

"The invitations specifically say from eleven till three," she explained simply while grabbing another balloon. Eleanor sighed and rused over to her son-in-law.

"Daniel can you go talk some sense into your wife?, you do it better than I do,"

"What's wrong now?" he asked as he slumped against the chair he was sitting in.

Blair finished popping the balloons as Dan approached her. "You want some help?" he asked sweetly.

"Are you sure you don't want to sit with your baby mama?" Blair sneered.

"...uhhh...what?" Dan's face contorted. "You realize she's your baby mama too right?" he blinked at her logic. "Why are you upset now?" he tilted his head.

"You sat with Bri,...," she sniffed and couldn't finish her sentence. "all afternoon,"

"Blair,..." Dan pulled her into a tight hug and ran his hand over the back of her head. "I was sitting with Bri because she has our baby inside of her," he smiled and reminded Blair.

"I know that!,...I obviously know that," she sighed and pulled away from him. "I just thought this was going to be a party for me, and yet...I had to throw it myself and,...everyone was so busy with Brianna that I felt like no one cared about me,"

"We're not having a baby so we can throw parties, Blair,"

"No. I just thought this was going to be fun and it wasn't. It was exactly the same as the woman at the store,"

"Like I said before, it does not matter how this happens. You're going to be a mommy," he pressed his forehead against hers.

"I know," she smiled through her tears but couldn't stop, she moved in and cried on Dan's shoulder.

"I'll tell you what,..." he held her face in his hands gently. "What if I throw you a party after the baby is born?"

"After?"

"Yes. A Blair and baby party. But you can't be jealous of the attention the baby gets okay?" Blair laughed a little and wiped her eyes.

"That might be nice,..." she sniffled. "But they all have to wash their hands and bring me notes from their doctors,...a clean bill of health"

"Of course. And they'll all wear dish gloves and we'll put the baby in a hazmat suit,"

"Think they make them that small?" she lit up.

"God,..._I hope not_" A smile played on Dan's lips.

Blair laughed. "C'mon baby mama, let's get you a drink,"

Blair laughed again and snuggled into him. Eleanor walked by and winked at Dan.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

Blair walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "What are you doing?" she asked while resting her chin on his shoulder.

"These are cute," he commented on the sweet elephant and lion stuffed animals, velvety soft with precious faces. Blair had been in nesting mode and it seemed like everytime he came home something was different about the nursery. Last week it was drapes, this week it was pillows and stuffed animals. It was a relief. When Bri entered her seventh month of pregnancy, Blair hadn't so much as picked out a blanket. The room was practically empty except for the round crib they almost gave away.

"You should be sleeping," she kissed his shoulder. "Long day tomorrow," she reminded him.

"I can't sleep," he admitted while scrubbing a hand over his face, stroking down his five day old stubble.

"Why not?,"

"Can't turn my brain off," he answered.

"Something bothering you my sweet?" she asked adoringly, then pressed a kiss on the back of his neck. "That novel is your best yet," she encouraged him.

"No, it's not that. I just keep thinking about how soon it's not going to just be the two of us,"

"It's been the two of us for years,...it's time to expand the Waldorf-Humphrey family," she smiled.

"What if i'm not a good dad,..." he shrugged.

"I'm not even going to go there with you," Blair scoffed. "You'll be a good dad because you're a good man," she put her hands on his face. "C'mon, back to bed. You'll need your rest if you plan to charm all those publishers. It's exhausting, I should know,..."

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Blair was relaxed under the covers waiting for Dan to come home from his last publishers meeting. He was in Boston and would be home around ten but she didn't think she could stay awake that long. After a work day that started at six am, she had finally handed in the look-book and made her way home around seven pm. She didn't even have dinner before she kicked off her heels and got into her bed, fully clothed. It wasn't long before she drifted off into a light slumber. A smile spread across her face as she felt her arm be caressed. When her eyes opened she saw Nate smiling at her.

"What?" she was mildly alarmed as she sat up. "You're creeping me out. I thought you were Dan," she let out a light sigh and rubbed her eyes.

"I just talked to Bri,..." he smiled widely at Blair. "She wants you to come to the hospital now,"

"Oh my god," she pushed the covers off and sprung to her feet.

"Ready to go?" he laughed.

Blair was making little screaming sounds and Nate couldn't stop laughing. She was so cute and excited like a little girl on Christmas morning. "hurry hurry," she jumped up and down. "Oh Nate...Ohhhhmygod," she covered her mouth.

"Oh my god," Nate held his hands together and pressed them against his face.

"Can we go?" Blair was antsy.

"You have a pillow mark across your face," Nate laughed.

"Does it look like I care? I'm going to be a mom today!" she jumped around.

"How fast can Dan get here?" Nate questioned.

"Call him right now, i'm sure he can't be too far."

"DAN!" Nate couldn't hold in his excitement. "you almost home?"

"It's showtime!" Nate yelled.

"No way!" Nate could practically hear him smile. "Can I talk to Blair?" Nate looked over at her frantically looking through her bag.

"She's a little busy,"

"Nate let's go!" she ordered him. "Come on," Blair pulled on Nate's hand.

"Your husband?" Nate held the phone out to her. She grabbed the phone out of his hand eagerly.

"Humphrey!" she screamed.

"Hi!" the volume of her voice was to be expected but it still surprised him.

"Hurry! but don't hurry! The last thing I need is for you to get into an accident. Just follow road rules but don't dilly-dally!"

"Roger that,"

When they arrived at the hospital Blair busted into the lobby doors, pulling Nate by the hand.

"I'm going to stay down here," Nate took a seat in the lobby.

"Why?"

"I'm going to greet Dan and then i'll come up after you have your prince or princess,"

"Thank-you Nate," she hugged him. "and umm,...do you want to know what it is?" her eyes filled with happy tears.

"Uh,...do you trust me?"

"I do," she beamed.

"Ok, what are you and Humphrey bringing home?" he crossed his arms lightly over his chest.

"A little girl..." her eyes shined as she told the first person after months of keeping this nearly impossible secret.

"Wow,..." he swallowed overcome with emotion and pulled Blair into a tight embrace. They both closed their eyes and held on. After a beat he smiled "What the hell is Humphrey going to do with a girl?" he said dryly as he pulled away. Blair laughed and gave him a push.

"I love you Nate. Keep it a secret for me?" she pulled away.

"Of course," he nodded. "What are you doing? go see the birth of your baby, don't miss it," Blair turned quickly and ran to the elevator in silk pajamas lugging a huge bag of necessities that made her wobble all the way down the hall.

**XOXOXO**

Blair burst into the room making everyone on the other side jump slightly. "Hi Blair,..." Brianna's hair was lightly crumpled but she looked relaxed and taken care of.

"Hi sweetheart," Blair wasn't sure she had ever smiled so much in her life as she bent down and kissed Bri on the cheek, then discarded her bag somewhere not really paying too much attention to where she left it.

"Where's Dan?"

"He's coming..." she sighed while attempting to fluff up one of Bri's pillows.

"He may not make it quite in time," The doctor announced to the women.

"What do you mean? I thought this could take hours," Blair's eyes widened with worry.

"I kind of labored at home for awhile,..." Bri confessed with a cringe.

"What?" Blair tried not to sound upset but she felt like Bri had violated her wishes.

"I thought it was a false alarm!" she explained.

Moments later Blair was standing by Bri's side, her hand covering her mouth in anticipation. She noticed she was holding her breath at times.

"Any moment now," the doctor said. A text message chimed on Blair's phone

_Just ten minutes away - Dan_

Blair didn't have enough time to be truly disappointed. The nurses were encouraging Bri and Blair looked over and smiled at her in such a way that she knew Blair would be forever grateful. "How are you so calm?" Blair was in complete awe. "You are an expert at this!" she encouraged.

Then without another word she watched as a whirl of activities surround her. For a moment if felt like everything was in slow motion. It was the most surreal moment of Blair's life. She never imagined she'd ever have to do something like this but now in this moment she was so happy they made this decision and wouldn't have to wait any longer. Blair's hand clasped over her mouth once she could hear crying.

"It's a girl!" the nurse smiled and Blair was unsure what to do with herself as she stood frozen like a statue. A nurse carried the baby to a warming station under a bright light. She was pink, and responsive and perfect. Blair wasn't sure what to do. It was hard to make the connection right now as she watched the baby get swaddled up in a blanket. Before the nurse could hand her to Blair, she realized Blair was too busy buried in Brianna's shoulder hugging her and thanking her. "thank you,...thank you, thank you," Blair smiled at Bri who teared up with how sincere Blair was.

"She's my first girl," Bri smiled sweetly at Blair.

**She is my hero. I am forever in her debt.**

"Thank-you,"

"You're so welcome sweetheart," The nurse headed straight for her, and she dropped her hands from her mouth. The nurse that was evaluating the baby gave a happy response finding her Apgar score was a perfect ten.

The nurse in the bright pink scrubs spoke to the baby as she lifted the bundle straight up vertically a hand holding on the back of her head. "Let me see if I can find your mummy," Blair's eyes locked on her tiny face, her eyes finding the bright lights too harsh she struggled to open them. "Is this yours?" the nursed asked rhetorically in the sweetest voice.

"..._Yes_," Blair sniffed and ran her thumb under her eye. "_That is mine_," she confirmed and walked closer, dropping her hand from her face she put her hands out to receive the most amazing gift that Brianna and Dan could ever give her. The nurse squeezed her arm. She couldn't even really get a good look at the baby. Her eyes were too watery.

"Oh Bri..." Blair walked over and kneeled down placing the baby in her arms so she could get a look at the baby she carried for nine months. After about a minute, Bri could see Blair eagerly wanted to take her baby back so she made an excuse about how the baby wanted her mom.

Blair went to a nurse. "My husband should be here any minute. Would it be okay if I just,..." Blair gestured to the door.

"Of course you can," the nurse said with a nod.

"I can?" she didn't know if she should believe her. No one ever let her take Connor anywhere and this freedom was foreign. "She's okay?" Blair asked.

"What do you mean?" she was moving blankets around and cleaning the area.

"um,..there's nothing else to check? she's okay?" she stroked the soft blanket in her arms.

"She scored a ten, She's perfect honey," the nurse said assuring her.

The words 'perfect' rocked Blair to the core, her lip twitched and she muttered "_Thank you_" the best she could.

"Everything all right,...?" the nurse asked, resting her hand on Blair's back. It wasn't everyday that a woman burst into sobs after hearing that her baby was healthy. Blair's emotions were so all over the place right now, she was crying happy tears for her perfectly healthy baby girl, but she was crying sad tears for Connor who was taken from her. It upset her that she was even thinking about the tragic events of that night today but she was a mother after-all and today she really missed him. This baby had the health he should have had, this baby should have been grown inside of her like he did.

"Yes everything is fine," she wiped her eye. For a moment Blair just stared at her baby, then she walked into the hall. They assured her again that the baby looked perfectly fine and that she could take her out of the room. "_Hi,_" she smiled down at her. Her finger tips brushed her cheek softly as she walked up and down the hall in complete happiness. "You're so beautiful," Her lips must have kissed that babies head a thousand times before Dan arrived. She was ready and had Dan's hospital bracelet in her pocket and she was getting more and more anxious for his arrival. "I can't believe you're here," she cooed kissing her sleeping baby again. The babies eyes were tiny crescents, she was slightly swollen in the face but her lips didn't lie. Those lips shaped so much like her own were definitely a trait she inherited from her mom. She lifted her hat to see her hair and smiled. Blair peppered kisses all over her face. All over her impossibly tiny nose that wrinkled with her touch, all over her cheeks and all over her adorable chin. "_I can't wait for you to meet him,_" she whispered, blinking and trying to keep the tears from soaking the blanket. "_He's the best_,"

Blair looked up when she heard footsteps she just knew it was him, they were urgent but stopped when he saw her. He froze in place when he saw his wife holding the tiny bundle. "here he comes," she whispered at her baby. His smile was so amazing Blair would never forget it.

"_Is that ours?_" he asked in a soft voice, not moving a muscle. Even though Blair was so over the moon she made a snide comment to be funny. "_No, this is the random baby I scooped up on my way past the nursery" _she blinked.

"Oh the sarcasm!" Dan put his hand on his chest. "If I'm as good at reading your tone as I think i am,...i'd say that's our baby" he pointed.

"Yeah," she sniffed as an entire new wave of emotions hit her. Happy tears hit the blanket that kept their brand new baby warm. She never thought she'd get this and now standing here in this hospital hallway she had everything.

"Come here and meet her," she said quietly.

"her?" his smile was so genuine Blair laughed. "HER?" Dan expressed his excitement.

"Shh," Blair smiled gently while looking down at her little baby. "you'll wake her up" she whispered and gestured for him to come over.

"I'm guessing the name game is going to last a month,...What am I going to do with a girl?" he approached closer and peered down."Oh my god..." he clapped a hand over his mouth when he saw her and looked away quickly. "Blair, that's ours," he confirmed just looking at her face. She laughed.

"It was incredible, I'm so sorry you missed it" Dan walked over he wanted to tell her how happy he was to see her for the first time in Blair's arms and not someone else's.

"Wow," he moved the blanket to get a better look at her face. "I always thought babies all looked the same but I don't feel that way anymore. Blair she looks just like you,"

"You think? " Blair wiped her eyes, then pulled back her little hat to show the barely there hair that was definitely not blonde like Brianna.

"Well, I should hope so" Dan chuckled peering down to get a good look at her. "I'd hate to return her to sender. _Can I hold her?_" Blair gave him a slight eye-roll at his question, as if he really needed to ask. She lifted her arms up and placed her right in Dan's ready to cradle hands. Blair dreaded the moment she would have to hand her off to someone else but giving her to Dan felt like an extension of herself, she wanted him to hold her.

"Hi," his face was nothing but adoration for this little baby.

"Can you believe it?" she asked not taking her eyes off her.

"No," he said simply while staring down at her. "This is so weird" he held her tiny hand.

"Dan?"

"...Yeah?" he didn't look up from the baby and continued to study her face. Blair caressed his shoulder gently so he would make eye contact with her. "Yeah?" he whispered with a slight eyebrow raise. Blair gently leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Dan reciprocated pressing his lips firmly to hers. Blair's hand went up and held his face as Dan starred at her lips. The baby made a noise and they both looked down at her. Blair was amazed at the energy she felt between them. Obviously it was not the first time two people came together and had a child but it was oddly bizarre and at the same time wickedly amazing that here they were together with their baby in between them. For once in their lives this was something they shared equally. The thought that he was the only other person in the universe that was as connected to this child as her, was overwhelming. Blair looked to Dan again, and he instinctively pressed his lips against hers.

Eleanor and Cyrus walked into the hall first to find Dan and Blair caught in a true moment of intimacy. Before Cyrus could yell a comment, Eleanor held her hand out hushing him so Dan and Blair could kiss just a little longer. Blair pulled away from Dan's lips noticing they weren't the only ones in the hall. "Oh,..." she gulped noticing her mom and Cyrus.

"What do we have here..." Eleanor smiled and clasped her hands together.

"Mom!," Blair held her hands out and hugged her mother tightly. "Cyrus!" she hugged him too.

"A girl!, " Eleanor exclaimed not being able to hold it in.

"Thank! God!..." Nina ran down the hall stopping in front of her best-friend and giving her a big hug. "Give her to me," she demanded while looking at Dan.

"I don't think so..." Dan scoffed and swung his arms away from Nina. Jenny rushed down the hall with a huge smile on her face.

"Hey Jenn," Dan looked up before looking back down at the baby.

"Oh my god," She walked up close and got a good look as Blair watched her proudly. "She's so beautiful, she's so beautiful," she repeated. "Awh!-Daaann," Jenny inhaled sharply and lifted her hand and wiped the corner of his eye.

"Did I just hear someone say girl?" Nate approached from down the hall with his hands shoved casually into his pockets. Dan shook his head at Nate and they both laughed.

"What am I going to do with her?" Dan asked.

"Love her," Eleanor said before reaching into Dan's cradling arms with a sense of entitlement. He just smirked at Blair as Eleanor "snatched" the baby away from him.

"Mom!" Blair expressed her distaste for taking over. In Blair's opinion Dan should have been allowed to hold her as long as he wanted to.

"It's ok. I'm going to see Bri," Dan let Blair know before he went off to the hospital room where Bri was.

"Okay," she gave him a kiss before looking back to her mom disapprovingly. "He barely held her," Blair sighed watching Eleanor beam with happiness and lean in for several kisses. "Oh pfft, he can hold her anytime!" she commented.

"You're here!" Brianna smiled brightly when Dan knocked and walked in. Lifting her arms into the air, Dan buried his head in her shoulder with a big hug.

"Yeah I got pulled over for speeding,..." he smiled sheepishly. "Good job!" he smiled. "Thank-you. She's beautiful," he said genuinely.

"You're hilarious..." she laughed. "You thank me for the one thing I have nothing to do with," she blew air through her teeth. "Thank your wife!"

"well,..." Dan chuckled. "She's got some cheeks. Must've been those cupcakes," he winked and Bri brought a finger up to her lips to remind him that was a secret. "Do you need anything?" he asked rolling up his sleeves.

"No, i'm fine," just then Chris walked into the room with a tray of Starbucks.

"Heeyyy," he smiled and shook Dan's hand. "You got a name picked out?" he asked.

"Not yet, no," he shook his head. Just then an announcement was made about visiting hours.

"How does this work? am I a visitor?" Dan asked confused.

"No you can stay," Will explained that they have accommodations for them as he handed his wife the Starbucks she had been missing. "The baby is the patient so she gets the room," Bri explained, "but if you two want to go home and come back, she can stay with me, it's all up to you,"

"I feel like I didn't do my homework. We just didn't want to do anything premature and then she came early so...,"

"You don't have to explain anything to us," Bri smiled then looked over to see Blair make her way into the room. Her arms were crossed and she looked a little stressed.

"If I can't sleep here then,...then I won't sleep," Blair said quickly entering the room. "I'll just sit here..." she gestured to the chair. "I don't want to leave her. I can't leave her,"

"You don't have to leave hun," Bri explained the whole thing to Blair and they said they would be back after they said goodbye to everyone. When Dan and Blair walked out into the hall more people had arrived. Rufus was now standing and waiting to have his turn holding the baby.

"Oh you look like your mommy," Rufus said as Eleanor handed the baby to him.

"Does she ever," Eleanor peered over. "Blair looked just like her as a baby"

"Five more minutes until visiting hours are over," a nurse let them know.

Everyone congratulated the couple again before heading out. Rufus handed the baby back to Dan and Blair felt her lip shake, "Dan,.." she called him over.

"Think you can hold her for a sec?" Dan asked Nate.

"You trust me?"

"Yeah man," he placed the baby in Nate's arms was was pleasantly surprised that he supported her head without needing to be reminded.

"What's up?" Dan asked Blair.

"Here,..." she stopped halfway down the hall when they were alone. She snapped the hospital bracelet on Dan's wrist and looked at hers and his together. A flood of tears came to her eyes by the sight of them.

"Blair Waldorf, stop crying..." Dan hugged her tightly.

"I...I can't help it,..." she steadied her shaky breath.

"You know what I was thinking?" he asked as he drew relaxing circles on her back, Blair closed her eyes and took in the scent of his collar. Dan kissed the top of her ear and nuzzled the side of her face. "It's like,...everything was leading up to this. As if we were destined to have her right now, this year, this day. Like she was just waiting. We were waiting on her. Specifically her"

"You're not helping with the crying thing," she pulled away and continued sniffling. Dan smiled and pulled her back into his embrace. "I'm so upset you weren't here,"

"You know, seeing you holding her and not anyone else was exactly what I wanted," he pulled some strands of hair out of her face.

"I don't mean to be rude but they're going to kick me out of here in like a minute and I don't think i'm allowed to take her with me," he lifted his arms and handed the baby to Blair.

"Thank you," she gave Nate an air kiss and Dan hugged Nate goodbye.

"I guess we have to name her" he whispered."But I think,..." he looked at the wristband. "Baby girl Waldorf-Humphrey, sounds really cute"

"Ermm,...no" she laughed not playing along. "Have you given any more thought to Marigold?"

"Yes I have,..." he smiled. "I've decided that it is the worst name in the history of names and you can name her that just as long as you're aware you'll be raising her alone,"

"Harsh!" she chuckled. "So then Audrey...?" she gave her baby an eskimo kiss while eying Dan.

"Blair Waldorf, please tell me you didn't drag around the name Marigold so Audrey would sound better by comparison,"

"Well did it work?"

"A little,,...because Marigold is the most heinous name I ever heard and anything sounds better. I'm sorry Audrey is not going to fly..."

"Hmph, then she has no name"

"She doesn't need a name tonight," Dan said as they entered the hospital room. A nurse came in and checked on the baby quickly and told them if they needed anything then they could just call for her.

Blair didn't want to put her down so she and Dan laid propped up on the bed and just watched her sleep.

"I'm completely dumbfounded that she's here. Came from practically nothing and poof,"

"Yeah I don't see it that way at all," Dan laughed. "I don't think i've ever filled out so much paper work. It's easier to buy a house,..hell it's easier to immigrate i'm sure,"

"But you'd do it all over again?" Her big doe eyes starring at him.

"In a heartbeat," The baby stirred lightly and her parents starred at her as if she might do tricks, her eyes opened just barely but they both let out sounds of amazement.

"Hello," Dan cooed. "We've been waiting a long time for you,"

**XOXOXOX**

Nina couldn't stop wiping her eyes. "are you okay?" Nate asked.

"I'm just so happy for them you know?"

"Wow, Nina McAllistar has feelings. You're not the emotionless skank I thought you were,"

"I'm not a skank you asshole!," the tears stopped as she gave him a shove. "Yes, I have sex! I have a lot of sex but I don't sleep with men for money.I don't sleep with married men, I don't sleep with men that are in relationships, I don't sleep with men who are involved with another woman at all."

"Well still,..." Nate began.

"I don't have sex because I need an ego boost or when I'm vulnerable and need to feel close to a male. I don't have daddy issues, I'm not interested in male attention to give me confidence. I have confidence, I like sex. I have sex when I want to have sex because I LIKE SEX!. Is that so hard to believe? you of all people should be able to understand the concept! Do not call me a skank ever again if you want to keep your tongue,"

"People call me a man-whore..." he offered instead of apologizing.

"That is because you_ WERE_ literally a male whore..." she deadpanned.

"I'm not married or involved with anyone."

"OH. MY. GOD. In your dreams..."

"C'mon, I'm pretty good..."

"Not according to Blair..." she trailed off.

"Give me a shot,"

"As if! You can't be serious right now," she rolled her eyes.

"I don't sleep with men who learned to tell time six months ago"

"That was a misunderstanding! I had a lot to drink!" he said. "C'mon! You yourself said its just sex. I have the required equipment...use me. Give me a spin," he unbuckled his belt and dropped his pants.

"No,..c'mon put those back on," she closed her eyes and put her hands firmly on her hips.

"You've always wanted to know who's bigger, me or Dan..." he used as a bargaining chip to get her to look.

"I don't know if i want to know that badly," she continued to look away. "and I only saw Dan for a quick second,...and wait! you're the one that wants to know but Dan won't drop trow just so you can have your answer,"

"Open your eyes Nina!"

When Nina opened her eyes she starred at him blankly. "Jesus Christ. What the fuck is this?" she jabbed at his chest.

"What?" Nate was dumbfounded. Never has a woman ever reacted this way to his naked body.

"Do you wax your whole body? You look prepubescent. You look like an olympic swimmer. As for the size,..." she looked a little closer.

"Bigger than Dan?" he asked genuinely curious.

"Umm,"

"bigger? just say it..." he closed his eyes hoping for the best.

"Do you want the good news or the bad news?" she asked.

"bad..

"He's bigger,"

"...ok, the good news?"

"I can work with it,"

"Really?"

"What can I say? i'm feeling festive!" she shrugged.

"Alright!" he stepped closer. Nina pulled away

"Buy me a drink first Casanova,"

"Who's Casernova?"

"...Buy me several,"

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

Blair pushed her hair behind her ears as she leaned down. "_Hello, hello_," she lightly cooed at the baby who was making the slightest fussing noises. "..Good morning sweetness," she cradled her with a light bounce in her step. "I guess I should change you,..." she bit her lip wondering if she could do this on her own. She looked over at Dan who was still sound asleep and wondered if she should wake him to help her. She watched as Dan tackle the first one the night prior and she did read a few baby books. After a few minutes of struggling, crying and trying to be as delicate as possible with her, she picked up her baby proud of her first attempt by herself. "One down, two thousand or so to go?" she asked her baby with a little laugh. "Audrey?," Blair tried. "Don't tell your dad,"

"Good morning..." Dan stretched seeing the sunlight around Blair's hair.

"Now you wake up? not when I was struggling while changing her, but when I'm done?" she bounced her baby.

He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "Hi," he said cheerfully watching the baby yawn. "Uh that was probably the cutest thing i've ever seen in my entire life," Blair laughed and kissed him good morning.

"Any more thoughts on a name?"

"Beth,..." Dan offered.

"Boring"

"Katherine? Like Katherine Hepburn?...i'm trying here,"

"Holly?" Blair offered.

"No,...don't do this to me. I already vetoed it,"

"Katherine sounds so old," she pouted.

"No it doesn't. It's classic and we can call her Katie,"

"Oh god! Veto!"

"Audrey Waldorf-Humphrey?..." Dan sighed with distaste.

"Audrey Brianna Waldorf-Humphrey!" she corrected.

"Well in that case!"

"Fine, no Audrey, no Holly..."

"Olivia?"

"Are you suffering from brain damage? we're not naming our baby after one of your exes"

"I forgot all about that," he scratched his chin."Caroline?" Dan suggested.

"I like it but my grandmother's name was Caroline and my mother hates her..."

"Elise? like your grandma?"

Blair sighed sadly, "My second cousin born three weeks ago was just named Elise,"

"Okay I have one more name and I've been keeping it to myself all this time because i'm terrified you'll hate it and pull it apart but I think it suits her,"

"Let's hear it"

"Okay but before you rip it apart, it's an Audrey character..."

"Suzy? Joanna? Eliza? Gabrielle? Regina? Karen? Sabrina? is it Sabrina?,...I hate Sabrina..."

"...Are you done?"

"..yeah"

"Nicole,"

"From 'How to steal a million'?" she asked.

"Yeah," he nodded with triumph.

",...Maybe we could try Eliza?" she asked.

"Umm if you want," Dan nodded.

For the rest of the morning Dan tried to think of other names but there was nothing he liked as much as Nicole. "So you still aren't a fan then?"

"I just don't think it's special enough," Blair admitted as she packed up her bag. The hospital staff told them they could leave that afternoon if they wanted to and Blair couldn't wait to leave.

Nate poked his head into the room just then, "You wouldn't believe how many people I just walked in on today,"

"You could have just asked which room at the front desk," Blair sighed.

"Where's the fun in that?" he laughed.

"My you seem chipper this morning," Blair laughed. "Did you and Nina end up going to the bar last night?"

"Nina and I? what? no,"

",...she told me you were going to go and get a drink,"

"oh right. Yeah we did that and then went straight home to bed. Not together,...obviously,...so does this little nugget have a name yet or what?" he asked to change the subject.

"Not yet,"

"Blair we have to name her before we leave," Dan sighed.

"Dan likes Nicole," Blair scoffed.

"And Blair likes Audrey!" Dan scoffed louder.

"I think Nicole suits her," Nate starred into her car seat.

"Why are you being such an ass?," Blair said. "You always knew I loved the name Audrey!"

"How is it fair that you get to name our child without any input from me?"

"Audrey is a beautiful name,"

"Audrey is so blah I can't stand it!" his eyes widened.

"Hey Nic!," Nate ignored his friends and smiled at the baby.

"Blair, Audrey Waldorf-Humphrey, is such an ugly name!" Dan stressed.

"I don't want her to have a hyphenated name"

"Uh,..." he was caught off guard. "Blair,..." he rubbed his forehead. "I don't...," his wife was stubborn and he didn't want to argue about something so trivial in their lives from now on. "I'm sorry but i'm not going to let her just be a Waldorf...I know it sounds patriarchal and totally..."

"What?" she interrupted him.

"You want her last-name to be Waldorf? you don't think that's at all offensive to me? I want it to be Waldorf-Humphrey,"

Blair scoffed at him. "You really are dense sometimes!" she rolled her eyes. "I just want it to be Humphrey!" she explained.

"Oh,..."

"Guys, not to bother you during your debate but Nicky is making this adorable face..."

",..._That's it_," Blair's eyes lit up.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"Oh no what did she do to you?" he saw Nicky in a tulle ballerina skirt. He scooped her up into his arms, she whined a little. "I know it's awful..." he said as if he was agreeing with her.

"It is most certainly not awful,"

"She looks like a doiley,"

"She looks like a princess!," Blair corrected.

"What a traditional Thanksgiving. I'm fairly certain the pilgrims dressed like princesses as well," he smirked.

"Hi baby!" Nate took the baby from Dan.

"Be careful, Winston is extremely protective," Dan laughed.

"You a guard Dog Winston?," Nate gave him a scratch under his chin.

"Happy Thanksgiving!" Eleanor and Cyrus walked in with a couple bottles of wine. "Where is that precious creature of mine?" she asked.

"Right here!" Nate handed her over to her grandma.

"Is she not the most beautiful baby you have ever seen?" Eleanor gushed and Blair smiled happily.

"You done good," Cyrus smiled with his hands out prompting Dan and Blair to laugh. "When are you going to have more?"

"I was just going to ask the same question" Eleanor looked up at Blair.

Blair ignored them and announced that dinner was served so they should all take their seats. Nicky was passed around the table throughout dinner, she slept silently prompting everyone to comment on how well behaved she was. "If she's this easy, you should definitely think about having another," Eleanor started again.

"One is good" Blair smiled.

"Not enough" Cyrus commented pressing a kiss to her head once it was his turn to hold her.

"Definitely not enough" Eleanor pitched in still entranced by the precious baby sleeping in his arms.

"Mom, she was just born. You can't be happy with her for the time being?" she was starting to get annoyed.

"Of course I can. But I don't see why you wouldn't go through the process again,"

"i'm a firm believer in stopping once you create perfection" she looked at Dan who nodded.

Once dinner was over, they hung out in the kitchen and drank coffee with their desserts. "Your mom and dad used to hate each-other," Nate told the bundle in his arms once he pried her away from Eleanor. "I guess they don't hate each-other anymore" he smiled looking over at Blair who was resting on Dan's shoulder.

"I never hated him..., I strongly disliked him" she laughed.

"Blair, you know,...you always wanted a sibling," she said quietly, it was practically a whisper.

"Mom, can you give it a rest?" Blair practically collapsed on to Dan's shoulder in exasperation.

"Blair, I just don't understand,...you have all the means, you have the time,"

"Mom, can I talk to you outside?,"

Once they were outside Blair began, "I'm sorry. I know you always wanted a sibling. I know you were always jealous of daddy's family. I know you always wished you had more than one kid. I know you wanted Dan and I to multiply as quickly as Aaron and Laura but we can't, and we aren't,..."

"You've proven you can," she gestured to the window to show her that Dan now had the baby in his arms.

"You make it sound so simple," she shook her head. "It was not simple. It was hard. It's something I never want to do ever again,"

"Blair,..."

Blair cut her off, "Mom, she's it for us. We shouldn't have gotten her in the first place." she said simply.

"We have her because we wanted her. Not because she has to be someone's sibling, not for her grandparents, she's for us and we're not testing our luck. We've been given this amazing baby girl and we're humbly going to love her as much as we can, and that's it" she looked over to see Dan nuzzling her with his nose and smiled proudly. "That's it," she smiled.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**Thank-you. **


	37. Don't Cry Your Eyes Out

**A/N: **Again, if you can tell that i'm not as focused on this as I used to be it's because i'm not. I'm sorry. Almost done!

**DON'T CRY YOUR HEART OUT**

OASIS

BUTTERFLY EFFECT

**XOXOXOX**

Nina was signing her name on a million forms at the law office while Nate's eyes wandered to the glass door. The T.V. in the reception area was listing statistics of the game he was missing. He did ask Nina if they could do this on a different day but she refused to work around his sports schedule. Suddenly a breaking report flashed on the screen. "Nate?" Nina said in a warning tone. He ignored her as he opened the glass door and approached the television. "Nate!" Nina sounded appalled. A few gasps came from people in the lobby. He pointed to the screen and she saw why everyone was gasping. They left the office without another word, steady pace, no words exchanged.

"And what do I owe the pleasure?" Blair smiled up at her two friends who stormed into the apartment.

"Blair?" Nate looked at her solemnly. "Is Nicky here?"

"She's at school. But it's a half-day so we're going to have lunch and start a book club, she's so excited about it. It's adorable," she picked up the water pitcher and began pouring into lemon wedge filled glasses with ice and tall straws.

"Blair come sit down," he gulped.

"What's going on?" she squinted wondering why he was acting so weird.

Nate carefully explained what he had seen at the bank. Blair pulled from the counter still holding the pitcher. It happened so quickly Nate didn't realize she fainted until the sound of cracking and shattering glass erupted.

"BLAIR!" Nina yelled rushing over.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Life flashed before Blair's eyes in her unconscious state. The mere seconds seemed to last an hour in her mind. She could hear her friends voices, "Nina, stay there! There's glass everywhere!" Nate yelled. "Blair, Blair,..." he helped her sit up.

"No,..no...no..." she shook her head back and fourth and clumsily got to her feet. She was very confident and calm, she didn't believe Nate. Once she stood she walked over to the living-room not concerned about stepping over the glass, she fought through any pain she may have experienced because she was so numb she couldn't feel a thing. She turned on the news, her eyes wide and glued to the screen, she swallowed hard listened intently to the reporter. Her eyes widened further with the footage of the aircraft in a blaze of smoke and flames.

**"Again, the airline has reported there are no survivors. We'll keep you updated on any new information following..."**

Blair immediately turned around and trudged through the apartment looking for Dan's flight receipt. "Blair,..." Nina winced.

"No I refuse...I,..." she shook her head, "No,"

"Two O'clock, LAX to JFK?" He asked in a whisper, his eyes filled.

"There could have been two..." she noticed people going on about their day below them on the city streets, completely oblivious to the fact her life had just shattered.

Once she found it, she ran back to the television and checked the flight numbers. After a beat, Blair felt dizzy again, Nina rushed to her and grabbed her hands that she could no longer feel, her legs gave out. Horrifying, blood curdling screams filled her apartment. She shrieked so loudly and wailed in such utter pain Nate felt his hands shake. He should have tried talking to her, but his own grief led him to sit on the floor and pull Blair into his arms.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**That Morning**

Dan picked up a newspaper from the stand before finding a good place at the airport gate. There was a small baby sleeping soundly in her father's arms, he smirked knowing the peace wouldn't last long. He dug into his bag and grabbed a pen so he could start his crossword. He probably should have been working on his notes for the producers but he needed some downtime to relax. Whenever someone else joined him by the gate he looked up and smiled. There were a few men dressed in nice suits, writing franticly on their laptops. He figured they were writing screenplays as-well. He found it funny to think he was one of those guys now, he never imagined himself writing for a film. There was an older couple to his left arguing about who misplaced their passports but it seemed trivial considering they had been found. There were two young women looking exceptionally excited to finally see New York City as they talked about all the sites they wanted to see. Dan apologized for eavesdropping and told them that one of the museums they had on their itinerary had been closed that week for an installation. They thanked him and asked if he lived in the city. He then laughed as they told him how incredibly lucky he was. The girls explained that they were from a small town in Ohio, just spent a week in Los Angeles but they were capping their vacation off in New York City. He spent the next ten minutes answering all their questions about where the best places to eat and shop were.

"I'm not the best person to ask about shopping but my uh _my __fiancé_," it sounded ridiculous. "...actually just became a buyer for bendels so I'd say...,"

"WHAT!" one of the girls shrieked and Dan laughed again. It was like being back in high-school when Gossip Girl was rampant. He never would have thought he missed that but something about this was nostalgic.

The girls left to get lunch before the flight and Dan found himself observing a young couple. He probably wasn't more then ten years older than them but felt a certain paternal instinct towards them. They were newly married and he saw himself and Blair, he wanted to give them advice but knew a guy like him hadn't earned his stripes to give advice on marriage just yet. An announcement was made as soon everyone sitting at the gate got up and formed in a line, waiting to get on the plane.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

"What are you doing?" Nina asked Nate as she held on to Blair who was coughing and choking.

"I'm,..." he shrugged. "I don't know what else to do," he dialled Dan's cell and waited with his eyes pressed tightly closed.

Nina watched him intently hoping and praying Dan would answer. Nate's eyes closed and he let out a sob as the call wouldn't go through. "Oh my god..." he sucked in short panicky breaths.

"I can't,...I can't," Blair cried. Suddenly Blair had an epiphany, she stood up carefully and rushed to her phone, "he doesn't,...he doesn't use his phone when he's flying..."

"What honey?" Nina gulped.

"He called me," her eyes starred out into space.

"What are you talking about?"

"He called me," she blinked trying to keep some tears from running down her face. "He,...Dan doesn't ever ever use his phone when he's flying," she looked for her phone.

"Always follows the rules," Nate sniffed and wiped his eyes.

"He wasn't on the plane," Blair said softly.

"Blair,..." Nate's lips shook knowing she was still in a stage of denial. "Blair,..." he tried to take the phone from her.

"He never uses his phone on the plane!" she yelled. "Never!" she pointed at Nate.

"Blair that's an old rule..."

"No he never. He called me at,..." she looked at her phone. "five after three..."

"I can't believe this,..." Nate wiped his eyes.

"I'm going to call!" Blair said.

Nate had already tried calling Dan's phone and he knew Blair was going to be hit with reality the moment his phone went to voicemail. Blair's eyes focused on her feet that were soaked from the pitcher of water that shattered on the kitchen floor. Nina felt sick to her stomach as it rang for the eighth time. Nothing. The voicemail didn't even kick in. Blair swallowed hard. "Ohmygod," she mumbled. "Ohmygod...," she hyperventilated.

**XOXOXOXOX**

**EARLIER**

Dan pulled his earbud out curious as to why there was such a long wait to get through the gate. "Are you serious?!" the husband of the young couple complained to the gate attendant.

"Well, then we'll just take the next flight," The wife said with ease.

"The next flight is full so you'll both have to take the flight you had originally booked," the gate attendant explained.

"There has to be a way to fix this! we didn't realize,"

"Sir, take your seat on this flight and your girlfriend will be on the very next flight, it's only a three hour wait,"

"My wife! She's my wife!, we're going on our honeymoon and I don't want to take separate flights because of your error!" he yelled.

"Sir, this is not our error, you booked two separate flights," she explained.

"Well if your company had a decent website then maybe we wouldn't be in this situation,"

"Adam, it's fine. It's only three hours. I'll meet you later," the wife said.

"Are you sure there's nothing you can do?" he asked the gate attendant.

"If someone was willing to give up their seat then we could get you on," she explained.

"Yes, please can we at least try it?,"

The attendant made an announcement and no one budged. Dan knew there was no way in hell the couple with the baby were going to test their luck in the airport for longer than they had to. The men with laptops probably had meetings and deadlines to make. He really didn't want to switch his flight, he was exhausted, he wanted to get home to Blair. Still, not a soul wanted to give up their seat on this plane. The airline offered an incentive, but still not a single person offered to switch their flight. "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to take your original flights or rebook for another time," the attendant explained.

Dan sighed, knowing as soon as he said something, he couldn't take it back. "Excuse me!" he waved. "I can take the next flight,"

"Are you serious?" Adam smiled.

"Yeah, I uh,...I have work to do anyway so the three hours will force me to do it," Dan said with a slight shrug.

"Thank-you so much," he looked completely shocked but incredibly grateful. The gate attendant printed Dan a new ticket and thanked him. "Seriously man, thank-you. We'll never forget this,"

Dan nodded with a soft smile and walked back to his seat. After about an hour of brainstorming, he gave up and pulled out his cell-phone. "Hey!"

"Hi! I can't talk i'm shopping. Nicky and I are starting our very own book club this afternoon so i'm picking up some macrons," she took half a breath before continuing, "She wants to read Jane Austen but I was thinking we could ease into it with Judy Blume. I know what you're going to say, that she's already read Judy Blume, but she hasn't read them all and to be honest, I wouldn't mind doing a reread," suddenly she stopped talking into the phone and started talking to the person in the bakery. "My order is vanilla bean and raspberry. No! No chocolate!, Dan I have to go! Love you. Can't wait for dinner tonight,"

"Well, that's what I wanted to talk about. Don't be mad,...but I...Blair?,..." he realized she hung-up

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

"Sit down, sit down," Nina feared Blair was going to pass out. Blair grabbed on to Nina , her fingertips digging into her bestfriend's back as she heaved in the most heart wrenching sobs. The phone was ringing now and Blair cried harder knowing she was going to have to tell his parents.

"Do you want to answer it?" Nina asked softly.

"I'm so afraid,..." she admitted. The only thing she could imagine was the person on the other end had identified Dan as one of the passengers and this was her notification.

"Hello?" she sniffed fearing the absolute worst. It took a moment but it felt like she had been ripped out of deep water only a millisecond before drowning, like waking up from the most horrible nightmare she could imagine. Blair pulled the phone from her ear and rested it against her chest. Slowly she brought it back up to her ear and wiped at her eyes.

"..._Hi baby_," she whispered.

"_I'm shaking_," his lip trembled.

"_So am I_," she cried."Come home, I made you cookies," she giggled softly through her cries, she dragged her sleeve across her face.

"I'm going to catch the next flight, i'll be home around..."

"Can you please take a bus?"

"Blair, I understand your concern due to the circumstance but that's a forty hour bus ride. This will probably be the safest flight i've ever been on. They're calling it pilot error, what are the chances this would happen again?" there was a pause, "You there?"

"Just keep talking," she cried.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOX**

When Dan arrived home, Blair rushed down to the foyer, everyone followed, as he stepped in the door she ran towards him and jumped up into his arms, placing both hands on his face and kissing him with all she had. Dan's bag crashed to the ground as he took hold of her thighs and kissed her. Blair wrapped both arms around his neck and devoured his mouth with hers.

Nicky made a funny face, with her eyebrows raised as she looked to Nate. Nina squeezed Nicky and played with her hair. "You're going to sleep at my place tonight," Nina tapped her niece on the shoulder.

"I think that's for the best," she looked up at her wide eyed.

"So it took this to make you want to put the rings on?" Dan laughed seeing she had both an engagement ring and wedding band on.

"I've been wearing them all week," she admitted before wrapping her arms around him again.

That night Dan couldn't sleep, he laid with his forehead pressed against Blair's. "I feel..."

"You shouldn't feel bad. You didn't know," she explained.

"I can't help it. I,...it was supposed to me and I thought I was doing them a favour. And now,...I just...," he rubbed his eyes. Blair leaned in and pressed a tender kiss to his cheek.

"Dan,...If you got on that plane. Two two relationships would be destroyed. _They get to be together forever now. And,..." she closed her eyes, "and you,...get to stay here with me_," her finger tips drew soft comforting circles on his temple. He nodded gently and kissed her.

"So are we getting married?" he asked out of nowhere.

"Humphrey, all this time and you still don't even know me?" she sighed.

"Blair," he was exhausted. "I'm not asking you ever again," he smiled.

"Next week?" she bit her lip.

"My dad's wedding is next week," he laughed lightly as he reminded her.

"Right. Well, that gives me time to find a venue and buy a dress that's even more spectacular than the first one. What about exactly one month from now?" she nuzzled into him.

"It's a date," he kissed her.

**XOXOXOXOX**

Blair commended Lily's choice to wear blue to her second wedding to Rufus but she had other plans for her own second wedding. Wedding magazines littered the coffee table, the kitchen island and her nightstand until she found the exact, pure white Vera Wang that was made for her. Rufus and Lily's wedding was so emotionally charged she couldn't wait for her own day to arrive. These days she was so happy, not even Serena sitting three seats away could bring her mood down.

"Feels like I've done this before," Dan offered as he found himself in Serena's line of vision.

"Right?" she smiled uncomfortably. "At least she didn't marry in between," she glanced at her mom and Rufus having their first dance.

"That's always a plus," He nodded then thanked the bartender who slid over his glass. "So Rufus is husband six AND seven then?" he pursed his lips trying not to laugh.

"That he is," she confirmed. "A little birdy told me you're going to be Blair's first and second husband,..."

"Yeah,..." he bashfully looked into his glass.

"I haven't seen Nicky in a long time," Serena gestured to where Nate was spinning Nicky around on the dance floor. "I thought Nicky and Isobel were going to be like Blair and I," she commented. "But in a way, I'm glad they aren't,"

"They're cousins," Dan smiled.

"Yeah. They are," she smiled back.

Dan watched Nate and Nicky dance hilariously, jumping around and shaking their arms in the air. Nate looked to be trying to teach her how to do the robot but he wasn't very good at it himself. Nicky's perfect hair braided into a pretty crown around her head was starting to fall out and Nate tried fixing it but Nicky swatted him away.

"Can I cut in?" Dan asked. Nicky pushed herself away from Nate and reached out to Dan.

"Wow, didn't even think twice," Nate pretended he was offended.

"I'll save a dance for you!" she giggled as he sulked and walked away.

They danced for a full song, Dan spun her around a few times and then a slow song started.

"You having fun?" Dan asked as they swayed back and fourth.

"Yes!" she smiled.

"You wanna go to another wedding in a few weeks?" he smirked.

"Who's getting married?" she asked in confusion as she rested her head on his chest.

"Hey," Blair approached them. "Think I could cut in?" she smiled at her daughter.

"Well we were in the middle of a conversation but I suppose,..." she practically pushed them together.

"Well that was easy," Blair laughed as they began to dance. "Did you see your sister and Nate?" Blair gestured.

"What do you mean?" Dan asked looking around. Blair pointed to a table in the corner where Jenny and Nate were sitting incredibly close, they seemed to be holding eachother's hands.

"I don't know how I feel about it. I mean Nina is,..."

"Blair, stop. Nate and Nina are never going to get together," he told her.

"You don't think that after the baby is born that they might?"

"No," he shook his head. "Now, let's stop talking about Nate and Nina. Did I tell you that you look incredible?"

"Yes," she said coyly.

"Well, may I say it again?"

"Oh Humphrey, I assumed you had a more abundant vocabulary than that," she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"You look unbelievable," he pulled her closer and she laughed. "Can I kiss you?"

"In public? what will people think?" she looked side to side.

"That takes me back!" he laughed.

"You were the best dirty little secret," she smirked and moved in for a kiss.

"Do you two need a room?" Nicky interrupted their makeout session.

"Enough with the sass," Blair smiled and started fixing her hair.

"Daddy said we're going to another wedding,"

Blair looked to Dan shocked that he would say something when they both decided to tell her together. "Yeah," she nodded and moved away once she was done fixing Nicky's hair. Dan wrapped his arm around Blair.

"Who's getting married?" she asked.

"We are," Blair looked at Dan. Nicky's face went completely blank, she frowned and her eyes filled with tears.

"_Seriously?_" she asked in a shakey voice.

"Yes," Blair nodded and pulled her into a hug. "Is that okay? because we wont if you dont want us to,"

"I want you to! I want you to!" she nodded.

"Okay, then stop crying!" Dan laughed.

**XOXOXOXOX**

A/N: Thanks for reading!


End file.
